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Torment Completed	By : Kvarta Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 31713 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.

Chapter List
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A/N: Thank you all for your support, kudos, comments and klicks <3

Still not beta edited and running only on Grammarly so...
Severus sat in bed, breathing heavy. Sheets tangled around him like Devil's Snare, they did nothing to soak up the sweat. With an angry growl, he tugged on the sheets until he was free.
The floor felt icy cold and bit into his feet when he stood up.
He won’t return to sleep tonight. Not that sleeping was ever his favourite hobby, but after the last conversation with Mrs Rutledge, it became an almost undesirable feature.
Damn that woman.
Over time, she forced him to reconcile with a lot of things in his life. To accept them, giving a fresh perspective. No, not to forgive himself but to see them in a different light. He never asked himself what if question, then again, he never tried to see himself as any other human before.
His mistakes, his inadequacy to fit in, even his intelligence defined him.
She helped him see that his ambition isn’t a crime, isn’t bad. That he is not so different from anyone else.
Mrs Rutledge slightly tilted her head. “Why do you say that?”
“If I wasn’t so focused on success, on recognition, I might have to stop and think long enough not to…” he hissed in frustration.
“Not to what? There is no crime in ambition. The desire for recognition isn’t a crime. They are a normal part of every living human. Do you think your ambition or your desire for your talents to be recognised are to blame for the war?” she asked.
“Of course not, the war would come, with or without me in it. But maybe I could have…” he stopped, it was a ridiculous notion, they didn’t want him- the side of Light.
“Mr Snape, bigotry wasn’t an exclusive right of the side you initially signed in to, I can tell that you see that. Same way ambition or ego’s wanted to get recognised and celebrated for their greatness- no matter how small, wasn’t either. In a way, you were more benign than some others with far more influence, on both sides.” She said.
She compared him with Muggle scientists, people who just wanted to focus on their science, but their findings turned out to be weapons of mass destruction. They didn’t start with an idea to make destruction devices; she said.
It was all nice and fine, but the guilt and weight of their discoveries still lay on their shoulders. Same as his guilt lay on his.
Then again, those Muggle scientists never enjoyed punishing others, he did. Mrs Rutledge forced him to see the other angle, not a forgiving one. Yes, he could deal with his anger and pain and frustrations differently, if anyone ever showed him how. Instead, he first became Death Eater, then the Dark Lord’s torturer, a weapon to hold Death Eaters in check, and loved it.
However, she had the point, if he wasn’t Dark Lord's punisher, someone else would be. And then things may have been different. The pain and suffering he caused would be much greater. That person would punish him at one point, he may have been killed. And where would war be then?
His part wasn’t glorious, but it was somewhat important.
And yes, it was true, his ambition or need for recognition wasn’t as nearly lethal or megalomaniac as they were for some others. Dumbledore’s ambition was. Dark Lord’s was more insane, if not as bigoted as many believed, including Death Eaters. Dark Lord wasn’t opposed to Muggleborns, he had a fair share among low ranked and unmarked. But Dark Lord also adopted the rhetoric and idea that could mobilise the masses, indulging Pureblood supremacy to gain powerful allies.
He simply wanted to do what he did best - brew.
Severus shook his head looking at the garden filled with moonlight.
He could talk about the war, both wars. He could talk about the monster of his father. He could face his own mistakes and accept them. He’d talk or think about it gladly, in fact.
It was preferable than facing some other aspects of his personality.
Facing everything that had to do with Hermione was far more difficult. It required of him to admit, at least to himself, that he wasn’t as blameless or forced into things as he’d want to be. He protested to her actions, but not as much as he could have or should have.
Hermione’s misplaced attempt to replace his bad memories with better, more pleasant ones, for example. He didn’t contemplate whether her actions were wrong or not- they were. But the blame wasn’t only on her. She did what she did, but she was inexperienced. He was the one who did nothing to stop her.
His magic didn’t flare up to his defence.
He could have used his mind to thwart her attempt.
He did nothing of sorts.
He was selfish even if not intentionally and knowingly. Deep down, hidden even from him, he hoped that her plan will succeed. He wanted to feel something good.
Furthermore, his unconscious mind recognised her as his Dream Lady. It used their connection to molest the girl while he was catatonic. He was ashamed to admit, but he wanted to show her how good it could be.
He was selfish.
He wanted everything she was offering.
He still does.
In a way, it was a pointless struggle. The compatibility wasn’t some soul bond nonsense, but as he told Mrs Rutledge - it was more than mere compatibility. It also wasn’t emotional, it was practical and grounded. Their magical cores were the backbone and the skin for them, they compounded the very essence of each witch and wizard. People with high match were compatible in more ways than to produce a strong magical heir. Interests, proclivities, life goals, temperament matched them. By everything that defined them and made them who they are.
They were, to put it simply, perfect for each other in every sense.
In fact, possessing magic had nothing to do with it. He knew well that some wizards or witches had their matches among Muggles. Andromeda was one, and she produced a strong magical child.
His mother….
Severus shook his head, preventing himself to go there. He’d hated the thought that his mother found her match in the monster that was his father.
And he wanted… He wanted to feel how it is to be loved back. The most troubling part, he was- loved back. And yes, he loved, this time it was real. A sure sign of it was that he was thinking of her more than of himself. He wanted to save her from everything she would be exposed to if he gave in.
But, why now?
Maybe because he only had the chance to met her now. Truly know her. To talk to her from the position of equality. Now she was a young woman, not the child. As a teacher he never tried to know his students, he only wanted to teach them, and as a result- he never really noticed any of them.
Not to mention that I got stuck on one girl, one girl that never noticed me in return.
If things were different. If he survived and Hermione wasn’t by his side like, she is now. If they meet years from now- nothing would change. He’d still fall for her, but maybe then she’d be married or he would. Maybe then he’d...
Or maybe not.
But, thinking about what if wasn’t a solution, it didn’t hold the answer? It wasn’t easy to admit but he could stare at the face of his own feelings, now when he knew what they are. It solved nothing.
He was still the same callous, short-tempered person with slow poison dripping from his words. Most of the wizarding world still hated him. He was better but still damaged. He was still responsible for his crimes, a man with the blood on his hands.
What he could offer to the girl like Hermione Granger was?
His title did little to repair the damage of his reputation. One couldn’t live on love alone, especially with the person like he was. This train of thought leads to nowhere. Thinking about what if was the exercise in futility.
Severus curled his hand in a fist and slammed it with all the might against the window frame, sparks of pain travelled up his arm like electricity.
Damn that bloody woman.
~ S ~ S ~ S ~
Harry blinked. Neville's jumbled words didn’t make too much sense if any. Try as he may, he couldn’t see anything wrong in what was Neville saying.
“You don’t get it, Harry, she is constantly locked up in the library,” Neville said.
“Yeah, but mate, that’s Hermione we are talking about.” Harry tried to sound reasonable. Not that he was sure what was reasonable these days, especially when it concerned Hermione.
“She is changed, Harry.” Neville sighed.
“Changed how?” Neville made little sense.
“She is trying to fight the school system. We put the suggestion box, she drove entire staff insane, to the point we had to find an excuse to remove the box.” Neville shook his head.
To Harry that sounded like Hermione he knew. “Remember the S.P.E.W.?” he asked.
“Yes. And this is different. The rest of the propositions was, well- longer breaks between classes, less homework, you know- normal stuff. She asked for a cancelling of the house points system, joining the common rooms for all houses, joint Great Hall tables. Projects that demand two or more houses to work together. She demanded new subjects, Harry. Obligatory Muggle studies for all who grew up in a magical world. And obligatory Wizarding studies for all who grew up in a Muggle world. She demanded that Bins is replaced with a living teacher who would, and I quote, teach history instead be a relic himself.”
To Harry, nothing sounded more like Hermione than what Neville just said. He felt relief. “Sorry Nev, but that sounds exactly like Hermione. She’s done that sort of things since the first year.”
“At the last Quidditch match, she cheered for Slytherin. Slytherin, Harry.” Neville shook his head.
“Let me guess, that was after she suggested house equality and joining of the common rooms?” Harry chuckled, that sounded exactly like Hermione he knew before the war.
“And she refused everyone, and I mean everyone who asked her to Spring Ball.” Neville huffed.
“Neville, it is understandable. She had a bad fallout with Ron, and…” Herry tried again.
“No, that is not...” Neville huffed in annoyance.
“You want me to go to the Ball with Hermione?” Harry blinked. Please let it be it.
Harry was slowly losing his patience. From all he understood Hermione was back to her old self, fixing the world and driving everyone around her insane.
“No. You are in contact with Malfoy. I want you to ask him to take her to the Ball.” Neville almost barked the words. Harry blinked. “But that is not why I called you. She’s been acting strange lately, so I sat to talk to her- as a friend, not the teacher, you know.”
“Mhm…” Harry nodded afraid to speak.
“Well, she is in love.” Neville huffed.
“Are you sure? Hermione in love? With Malfoy?” Harry’s felt like someone punched him in the stomach. Sure, he had his suspicions that Hermione fancied Snape, but Malfoy? “Which, Malfoy? Please tell me at least it is Draco.”
That didn’t sound right to him, then again, she and Malfoy worked well together. To his shame and regret, Draco had more in common with Hermione that he ever did, or any of those she called her friends.
“W-what? I didn’t say Hermione is in love with Malfoy!” Neville jumped to his feet, distancing himself from Harry.
“But…” Harry sighed. “Fine, can you tell me again? With sense this time Nev?”
“She is in love with Snape.” Neville’s voice contained a great deal of horror, Harry breathed a sigh of release. “I asked you to call Malfoy, and yes- Draco, to take her to the ball and after to take her to the Manor on Spring break. But didn’t you heard me, Harry? She is in love with Snape.”
“Yeah, I heard you. I had my suspicions for some time now.” Harry nodded.
Not that he was too happy about it, or thought like it was a good idea. When he first started to doubt, he had to deal with his own feelings of repulsiveness. But somehow, he forced himself and see the logic behind possibility. Now, he was mostly afraid if that was true- Hermione was signing up for another heartbreak and disappointment.
“But, that’s-that’s awful.” Neville sounded scared and sad at the same time.
“Look, Neville, I know you don’t like him but…” Harry tried, sure he was on the solid ground now.
Yeah, it was a bit unsettling, not to mention creepy. His best friend was in love with the man who was, and as far as Harry knew, still is- in love with his mother. But, Snape would never hurt Hermione. Harry was sure of that at least. If nothing, Snape was protective of her.
“No Harry, it has nothing to do what I think of him. The portrait that followed Hermione around. The one that wanted to know her… that witch is part of the Prince family. Don’t you see what that means?” Neville looked like a Boggart materialised in front of him.
“I’m afraid not, Nev.” Harry felt tired. Tired of being expected to know things he couldn’t know, things no one ever mentioned to him. Hermione’s demand for obligatory Muggle/Wizarding studies sounded reasonable to him from this perspective.
“Snape is her match. But that isn’t the worst. It is Snape, Harry. You know, the bloke who is still in love with your mum. This is a recipe for disaster.” Neville shook his head.
“I wouldn’t worry too much, Nev. Hermione is not unreasonable now that she’s back to be herself again. And Snape won’t hurt her, I think. I’ll talk to Malfoy, I’ll talk to Hermione as well- but not now. Look I have to go…” Harry smiled uncertainty, all he wanted was to go home and think about what he just learned. He put up a brave face in front of Neville, but he was worried, at least a bit.
He’d have to sort this out before he acts, and he’d need a strategy.

Harry barged in the room, banging the door behind him. “Snape I want to talk to you.”
Snape was sitting at the table and writing. He slowly raised his head and glared at Harry.
“I see that your manners still leave much to be desired, Potter. I suggest you find them fast or this will be a very short conversation.” Snape raised an eyebrow.
“I want to know what are your intentions towards Hermione.” Harry looked at Snape stubbornly, he won’t back down or allow Snape to intimidate him.
Snape folded arms over his chest, his demeanour changed. Harry could swear that Snape’s face turned to stone. The man had an expression Harry was familiar with from his school days.
“Did Lucius put you up to this, Potter?” Snape’ voice cracked like a whip.
“No one put me to anything. I heard about….” Harry blinked confusedly. Why would Malfoy wanted me to talk to Snape about Hermione? “I don’t see what Malfoy’s have to do with our conversation about Hermione.”
This seemed to relax Snape at least a bit, which wasn’t too much considering that Snape still had rigid posture and a frown.
“I want to know that Hermione would be ok, I know you offered her Apprenticeship.” Harry raised his chin.
“I did.” Snape nodded.
“Look, I don’t want to… I don’t want to see Hermione hurt again. I know you wouldn’t… Just don’t hurt her, ok?” Harry sighed.
“Potter, I plan to teach her not torture her.” Snape deadpanned
“I’m not talking about that. I was referring to the plans your family has… I don’t want to see Hermione broken-hearted again.” Harry stuttered, feeling tangled up in his own words.
Snape tipped his lips in a menacing half-smile. “You surprise me, Potter, not long ago you were here asking me about your mother. Now, you are here trying to… what? Woo me for Miss Granger? Tell me Potter do you dislike your friend that much if you wish to inflict me on her person?”
There was a sharp bite in Snape’ voice.
“I’m not trying to woo anyone. I want to be sure you will turn her down gently. She doesn’t need another heartache.”
“Fear not, Potter,” Snape nodded and returned to his papers. “Miss Granger isn’t in any danger from heartache, she has more reason than that. My family already solicited her, and she turned them down. You have nothing to worry about. If that is all…”
Harry knew this should satisfy him, he should just turn and leave, but something in Snape’ voice kept him rooted to the spot. Thinking of all the times he saw Hermione with Snape, seeing Snape take care of her or defend her...
There was an air of defeat and sorrow around Snape. Nothing tangible, nothing he could put his finger on, but he still could sense it. Maybe Hermione wasn’t the only one who developed feelings, at least to some degree.
Harry blinked, wondering is it selfish of him to nudge Snape at Hermione’ direction if that was the case?
It can’t be all that bad, she is in love with him. I want her to be happy.
It wasn’t untrue, either. He wanted to see Hermione happy even if that meant- happy with Snape. If there was a chance for it...
“Why are you still here, Potter?” Snape raised his head sharply.
“Where can I find Draco?” Harry said the first thing that popped in his head, he didn’t know how to approach Snape on a sensitive subject like what he had in mind. Well, not without drawing the man’s ire.
“In the library, I presume.” Snape frowned. “Why do you need him?”
“Oh, I wanted to ask Draco to take Hermione to a Spring Ball” Harry shrugged.
Snape’s reaction was instant. Snape straighten his back, shoulders squaring, jaw tightening. If a look could kill Harry was sure he would be dead on the spot.
“Draco is engaged.” Snape hissed.
“I know, it isn’t a date, but maybe she would accept an invitation from Draco, Neville said she refused everyone else and I already have to be there with Ginny,” he said...
Harry tried to hide his grin, Snape definitely wasn’t disinterested as he claimed. This was jealousy, by now Harry knew the signals; he’d seen them often on Ginny, even if there was no reason for that.
“Library, Potter. Now, leave.” Snape growled.
“Thank you.” Harry nodded. He turned and walked to the door, adding over his shoulder, hand on the doorknob. “I like Hermione, she is like a sister. And I also think she could do much worse than you. Come to think of it, it makes sense.”
Harry rushed to exit the room, not wanting to linger and find out how his words were received.
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Torment *Completed*

Torment Completed