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And They Didn\'t Live Happily Ever After	By : ElizabethStump Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 90306 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 110
- 111
- 112
"And They Didn't Live Happily Ever After"

Chapter One Hundred Ten
"Welcome to My Nightmare"

Disclaimer:
Just a fanfic hack
Writing till the sky turns black
I took Rowling's work and played with it
Just an English girl
Born and raised in south Tutshill
She took the midday train to Edinburgh
A wizard in a pair of jeans
Butterbeer and Betrie Bott's Beans
I just borrow them for just the night
It goes on and on, and on, and on

Strangers reading
Up and down the Internet
Their keywords searching in the night
Disclaimers for people
Setting straight that I don't own this
Rowling sleeps peacefully through the night

A/N: Disclaimer a parody of "Don't Stop Believing" Songwriters: CAIN, JONATHAN / PERRY, STEVE / SCHON, NEAL Published by Lyrics © Journey - Weedhigh Nightmare Music

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"January 2, 2005 -- This past August, Hermione Weasley, the divorced ex-wife of famous Chudley Cannons Keeper and 2004 Mercury Broom calendar beefcake pinup Ron Weasley, took on the seemingly impossible and monumental task of clearing the names of renown Death Eaters, Severus Snape, disgraced former Potions master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and Draco Malfoy, son of the infamous Death Eaters, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, for crimes they were accused of, but never convicted.

During the trial, the former Mrs. Weasley produced two memories procured from Mr. Snape for the purpose of presenting as evidence, proof that he and young Malfoy did not personally kill the doddering and senile Headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore, nor let the Death Eaters into Hogwarts. The discovery of Albus Dumbledore's rather rambling and poorly written will proved additional so-called proof.

The will's presence hidden as a common lemon at Dumbledore's graveside makes these reporters, who wrote this article in collaboration, wonder if the former Mrs. Weasley somehow tampered with the will to suit her purposes at the trial.

The valiant war hero and at the time of trial, Senior Head Auror, Alastor Moody rightfully questioned the source of these memories and insisted that they might have been tampered with by providing false memories.

And at no point, when questioned, did the former Mrs. Weasley admit to how she obtained those memories. Now in light of a long investigative process that has taken months to pull together, we will attempt to illuminate Hermione Weasley's dubious actions and alliances. In addition, we will provide eyewitness accounts from Colin Creevey who observed Hermione Weasley and Severus Snape engaged in some uncivilized ritual involving the consumption of strange food that may have even been cannibal in origin, lascivious dancing and who knows what other dark and forbidden eccentricities on the savage island populated by criminals and the dregs of society lorded over by a swarthy half-giant where Snape and Malfoy now reside.

It is quite evident now Snape willingly gave these memories to the former Mrs. Weasley, but what price of the flesh was she willing to yield to his demands to obtain those memories for her social justice endeavors? Quite a lot, by the look of it from the featured photo, to the point of probably becoming addicted to his probably perverse sexual desires, by the way they were found to be gazing at each other wantonly throughout the New Year's Eve unseemly ritual. Everyone who has read or heard testimony about what went on at Dark Revels during post-war trials can probably safely assume that Snape has continued on with such disgusting habits in this backward island culture.

No doubt, Hermione Weasley sought to clear Snape and Malfoy's names in yet another try to correct some perceived social injustice, similar to her rather laughable attempt to work for house-elves' rights at Hogwarts with the creation of her organization, S.P.E.W.: Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare.

Then as to how Snape and Malfoy escaped England, one wonders if in an effort to break the law once more, the former Mrs. Weasley, known within circles to flaunt the law and bend the rules to her whims, helped the Death Eaters escape while they were still being restricted under the Death Eater Decree. And if she did, that would explain her impassioned plea to exonerate them in order to avoid a lengthy stint in Azkaban herself had her possible crimes been exposed as they are about to be in this article.

Upon asking Minister Bones if any charges would be brought against the former Mrs. Weasley should the conjecture provided in this exposition prove true, the Minister said that if she did indeed help, there was no crime in anything she might have done regarding two wizards who have been since proven innocent.

As for how we discovered Hermione Weasley being seduced into such depravity, let us chronicle those who have helped us uncover her path from upstanding married witch with an honorable job in the Ministry to disgraced, divorced, sterile witch working for the mistress of her ex-husband willing to entertain the perversities of a known Death Eater in his bed..."

"I think I'm just going to vomit," Hermione stated with indignation, hating the fact she had to read the article to Severus aloud since he could not read it clearly through their two-way mirror.

What made this even more humiliating was the fact that her Aunt Christine was there in her flat, needing to hear first-hand every detail the paper got wrong in order to counter those claims and conjecture with counter statements, accusing the Daily Prophet of libel. Her Muggle aunt was responsible for marketing and advertising for The Lovely Lavender Company.

It was a less than ideal situation for Hermione to introduce the love of her life to her family. She was thankful her parents weren't there, but no doubt they had read the trash that was published about their daughter.

Hermione had to point out to her aunt that the Daily Prophet had a long history of publishing falsehoods when it suited their agenda, and no amount of protesting could force them to print corrections unless strong-armed by other influential members of the Ministry. Minister Bones was supportive of Hermione, knowing full well everything she had done, but there was doubt even she could force a full retraction of the story, even if there were small threads of truth plastered over with thick layers of innuendo and derogatory remarks so that none of the truth could be discerned amongst the false rhetoric.

On she read while Severus held his head in his hands, periodically groaning and grinding his teeth, as Aunt Christine scribbled furiously away on her Muggle yellow legal pad making copious notes. Lavender just sat in one of the wingback chairs feeling equally sick to her stomach.

There was the account from the floral delivery boy, Vradian Bumbershoot, about delivering the wrong flowers to Hermione with a note featuring the initials "S.S.," implicating Severus as the sender of that note, though the other florist customer Stephen Stronder had the same initials, and so did another dozen or so witches and wizards in England. Vradian gave a lengthy account of Draco Malfoy threatening him and making some very unkind remarks that he had to later look up in the dictionary to understand. The simple and "honest" floral order mix-up eventually resulted in him losing his job. It was all painted in a very sympathetic light for the poor boy wizard who had lost a job he needed since his parents were too poor to afford a proper broom for him, which was of course a big fat lie; they did not fact check with the parents, taking his word solely. Or if they did check with the parents, they omitted the truth that they indeed were not poor, and he was a spoilt child who ruined his broom in a temper tantrum in order to try and wheedle his parents into buying him a newer model that was a mere one year newer.

Then there was the interview with Alastair Moody regarding Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy. When asked about their means of employment while residing in England under the Death Eater Decree, the article noted that the former Auror seemed to be unable to disclose much of anything as if cast under a spell to prevent talking about the subject. He was able to name Lavender Weasley as their employer though what they did under her employ his mouth was unable to form the words.

This was a huge relief to both Hermione, Severus, and Lavender, for none of them wanted the seedier side of Lavender's business made public. Hermione could not imagine explaining to her Aunt Christine about Severus and his former side career as a gigolo or the public fall-out if that became public knowledge.

When Moody was asked by one the of the reporters about the means the two Death Eaters might have used to escape England, he listed the usual routes of illegal Portkeys, which was easy enough for most people to create, Apparating across to France or Ireland even with a revoked license, the usual Muggle means, and of course Polyjuice Potion.

Since the three reporters had it in for Hermione, and given her previous job prior to working for Lavender Weasley, they automatically glommed into the idea that Hermione Weasley pilfered the restricted ingredients at her Ministry job needed to brew a batch of Polyjuice Potion.

Of course, of the many lines of conjecture they threw out there, that one was spot on, much to Aunt Christine's distress when Hermione admitted to it. But Minister Bones had already given the sly nod and wink that it was acceptable, especially since Severus and Draco were proven innocent. If anything, Hermione was guilty of some small petty theft the Minister deemed to be something she was willing to not press changes on given the greater good of two wizards proven innocent and no longer under false persecution. Hermione even suggested paying for the pilfered materials, plus interest in a gesture of good faith, which Aunt Christine deemed a good public relations act to add as a side note.

There were nasty comments by Madam Dushka about Hermione's performance on the job while at the Department of Standards & Regulations. When pressed for comments about the possible accusation of theft on the job, Madam Dushka was quick to add in more insults saying she did not put such reckless and irredeemable behavior beyond Hermione.

Reginald Chuff, Severus' old Potions master, was interviewed as well. While he had no recollection of meeting Hermione Weasley, and could not say if her Muggle heritage influenced her character to be an unfit Potions apprentice, he did have a few choice words about his own former apprentice Snape. It was during a lengthy diatribe when he brought up the fact that Snape was once married, but then his wife had died. When pressed for how his wife died, Chuff could not bother to recall except for the fact that she seemed to have had a proclivity in copulating with Muggles before her arranged marriage to Snape.

Severus was mortified, hoping that part of his past was long buried, but it seems now it was being dug up and aired for all to see.

When pressed by Christine about his first wife, Severus said it was not a matter for discussion, to which Hermione agreed and deemed the topic closed.

As for the tip as to how someone at the Daily Prophet had learned of Hermione's trip to Hawaii where she would "clandestinely rendezvous with the Death Eater in his jungle love lair," it turned out there was a disgruntled former employee at the Weasley Wizarding Wheezes. Of course, the article noted that accusations of pilfering the till and stealing stock were unsubstantiated regarding the cause for his recent dismissal. The former employee had gone to the paper with a tip after he had been sacked.

There was an account of the twins' former employee supposedly looking for some materials to restock when he had overheard – with the assistance of a pair of Extendable Ears that happened to be lying about – Messrs. Weasley discuss Mrs. Weasley and Mr. Snape in hushed tones in the back room. This former employee read a few drafts of a letter the twins had "casually" left laying about that they were going to enclose with some items they were going to have shipped. The former employee also heard the twins talk of Mrs. Weasley's upcoming visit to the location, although the newspaper still had trouble printing this without the words scrambling due to Dumbledore's enduring spell. It was from the "innocently overheard" conversation that suspicions of the three reporters working in the expose confirmed the illicit affair between the disgraced Muggle-born witch and Death Eater Potions master, who was once her professor, the article added a last jab regarding their former academic relationship in an insidious way. That passage further implied that perhaps detentions for some female students, especially Mrs. Weasley when she was still his student, was doing more than just scrubbing cauldrons.

Severus had never been so humiliated in his entire life. This was worse than the many embarrassing incidents during his teen years, now printed with a false light for thousands to read and absorb as irrefutable truth.

There was an account from Colin Creevey and his observations of the New Year's Ball that Rita Skeeter decided needed a bit of spicing up, as Hermione recognized her trademark literary flair. The derogatory remarks about a place that would "... deem to elect a house-elf to the town council tells of just how far gone and uncivilized this far-flung refuge for the refuse of the wizarding world is," had all the hallmarks of that gossiping cunt's quill.

"Mr. Loddy is a free elf. Not that Rita Skeeter could even conceive of such a concept!" Hermione huffed, irritated and fuming at the tripe that had been published.

The article wrapped up by saying that Albert Dobmeir, the former Mrs. Weasley's Potions master, was unavailable for comment. However, it did note the time and date indicating when Hermione was due to arrive from her week away in the company of her Death Eater lover, which explained why there was an angry mob to greet her upon her return.

"But of course Lavender was available for comment, but they didn't seem to want to contact her to refute the piles of filthy lies they spewed!" Hermione thundered as she grew more incensed.

The dream had morphed into a nightmare for Hermione and Severus. Gone were all the warm fuzzy feelings they rode on, replaced with the stomach-twisting dread of the publication of that article.

"There is only one thing left to do," Lavender announced, finally saying something after sitting in the chair quietly all the while Hermione, Severus, and Christine growled, yelled, spat, and fumed with indignation. "Hermione and Severus, you must do an interview with Luna Lovegood. She'll print the truth in The Quibbler and we can certainly spin this to our advantage. Besides, we can out Rita, Marietta, and Colin as reporters with a grudge to settle with their muck-raking."

"No!" Severus refused firmly.

Hermione's shoulders slumped, knowing his tone indicated he could not be moved.

Christine had dealt with some very stubborn and obstinate CEOs and company presidents during her many years of tenure in Muggle advertising and marketing. She knew with the right words; she could get this wizard, who seemed to truly love Hermione, to come around to her point of view, as Christine was in complete agreement with Lavender.

"Listen, dearie," Christine began in a patient tone as she sat in front of the mirror to address Severus, who was close enough to her age that she felt she could talk to him as a reasonable peer. "This is my specialty, fixing public relations disasters that would make your head spin with bad press and the reporting of false accusations, and some not-so-false in print and TV that had been read and watched by over a billion people. That's billion with a 'B,' so this my forte, and this is what Lavender pays me for. She's right. Do the interview, or you can sit back in your little tropical shack on the other side of the world and watch as all those royalties she deposits into your Gringotts account dry up like a fleeting sprinkle of rain in the Atacama Desert. I've already fielded over a dozen Howlers since this morning with talk of boycotts of all Lovely Lavender products and all subsidiaries, which means Sirens' Secrets products as well."

Severus sat there listening to this woman who most probably would have been sorted into Slytherin, had she been born magical like her niece.

"So, let's say you and Hermione sit there and do nothing to address these lies and half-truths printed in this fish-wrap rag," Christine continued on with her persuasive argument. "That will only make people think that they are the truth, and the boycott of Lavender's company will move forward. It could easily spread internationally to other countries if their press reprint this tripe. Eventually, the business may close, in which case, no more royalties for you. No more job for Albert, and I'm aware of the circumstances in which you helped arrange for this job for him. And that would also mean no more money or job for Hermione. So you would have to support her financially, or she would have to live on whatever royalties she has currently accumulated until her apprenticeship ends.

"And with the shutting down of Lovely Lavender, that means no funds to finish the school there or the facility for which construction is about to start. Then there are the jobs in Malu Palekaiko that will not be filled because the company shut down. Then you'll have your own local community upset at you, thinking that you could have done something to redress the situation instead of sulking in silence. They may even grow to resent you for the belief that you have taken away the chance for better jobs besides working on farms, and taking away a chance for a better and formalized education for their children. You'd have your own public relations nightmare to deal with, Severus. Then they might start boycotting your little Potions shop as well."

Christine was laying out a very frightening and very realistic situation that might turn his little slice of happiness into yet a new nightmare, just when he had his life sorted out to his liking. Severus hated to admit it, but the Muggle was right.

"All right. I'll do it if Hermione is willing to do it," Severus grumbled.

He remembered Hermione telling him about how Luna's article in The Quibbler certainly provided a fresh and truthful perspective about Hermione and Ron's divorce that seemed to take the wind out of the gossip rage sales, diffusing the situation. Severus just hoped that Luna could write an article in which they could turn this around to their advantage without Severus having to lay bare too many embarrassing facts, especially regarding his dead wife.

"Yes, I'll do it. As much as I hate having my personal life splashed across the printed page yet again, I'll do it," Hermione said with resignation before excusing herself to fetch a vial of Headache Relief Potion. Lavender asked for her to bring two vials as she needed at least one as well.

"Okay. Then it's settled. Hermione will draft a letter, since she's friends with this Luna," Christine said to restate what was agreed upon. She checked a few things off on her yellow notepad. "It'll be better coming from Hermione – and we will arrange it for here at the flat so Luna can talk to you as well, Severus." With a great breath, Christine exhaled slowly. Looking at the clock and noting it was almost eleven o' clock and they had been going at this for nearly three hours, she asked, "Now, before we wrap this up, is there anything I need to know that hasn't been covered in this article. Not that we'll bring it up or tell this Luna about it, but any more potential public relations bombs that might be discovered? It's better to be prepared for a statement and not have to issue a press release than to be caught off-guard like I was with some of these things that Hermione and Lavender had failed to disclose to me before. I won't say piddly squat, but I need to know so that I'm prepared to be proactive, instead of reactive."

Lavender, Hermione, and Severus all exchanged glances at one another briefly before Lavender said, "No, nothing more."

"Cut the bullshit," Christine demanded, catching the brief nonverbal exchange. "Spill it. I know crap on executives that would get them sent away to prison on various charges for years. Fortunately I've never had to write a press release for many of those. Come on. This is some very unpleasant shit we've just sorted through tonight. What could be worse? Tell me and my lips are sealed, but I have to know so I can be prepared and spin whatever skeletons you have in your closets."

Lavender looked to Severus who shook his head. "Severus, she won't say anything, but if it comes out, we're all fucked. She needs to know to be prepared just in case."

"This involves not only me, but Draco, Zabini and let's not forget your own business relationship with Macnair," he reminded her.

"And if Draco and Ginny come back and we're playing catch-up to the gossip rags instead of nipping it in the bud, should it come out, how would Ginny's reputation be affected as well, as well as the fact she was married to Harry at the time?" Lavender countered. "They could never show their face in England again, and I knew Draco and Ginny want to come back periodically and even let their own children attend Hogwarts some day, if they choose. Christine won't tell anyone, but she has to know to be prepared in case."

"Fine," Severus said reluctantly.

Hermione could do nothing but listen with her face red as a beet and buried in her hands. She peered through her fingers in dread of what was about to be disclosed to her aunt.

"Marf!" Lavender called out. The house-elf appeared before his employer with a bow. "Please bring us some strong tea, and maybe something strong from the liquor cabinet as well."

As the president of The Lovely Lavender Company sat in her chair with a cup of tea now firmly in her hand, she said, "Because of the Death Eater Decree, there were some certain ways I worked around the restriction of having Severus as my Potions master, even with the restriction against him brewing any potions. While he was secretly my Potions master, working under the false name of Sebastian Delgado, officially on the books with the Ministry he was employed as a gigolo, and I was his madam."

Christine listened, her mouth hanging open, periodically having to remember she was supposed to be taking notes while Lavender disclosed her role as madam and the fact that Hermione's block of flats was, until recently, a brothel. Lavender listed some of the notable clients she had on her books, which Christine said was good because she noted that powerful people would keep such a news item suppressed, as they did in the Muggle world. Lavender omitted Anne's name in Hermione's presence. She even disclosed the arrangement she had with Macnair, which horrified Christine, even with the back-story of why, which made the situation all the more tragic and twisted. Christine agreed that it was better for Macnair to avoid the Dementor's Kiss in exchange for letting Healers use his memories and his wand to try to fix some of the damage he'd done to Lavender's friend Parvati.

When it was all said and done, Christine turned to her niece and asked in an accusatory tone, "You were fucking a gigolo?"

"I didn't pay him to fuck me, if that's what you are implying. We had already fallen in love by the time anything happened between us!" Hermione retorted hotly.

This seemed to be a source of great relief to Christine. "Good. The fact is that if this ever comes out, this would just be a complete nightmare that would make the Profumo Affair look like a proper Edwardian tea dance by comparison." Christine took a swig of her tea before saying , "I feel like my head is going to split open from all this. My God." Looking over at the mantle clock, she said, "It's almost midnight and I've had a very, very long day. I need sleep in order to face the next day or I will be worth shit."

Rising from her seat with some difficulty since she was just one month from her due date, Christine went over to the mirror and said, "I'm very sorry you were forced into such circumstances, Severus; you seem like a nice bloke. I just wish we had initially met under better circumstances, and rest assured I won't breathe a word about what I heard in confidence."

Severus, already worn out as it was only one in the afternoon in Hawaii, said he wished he had met her under better circumstances as well.

Lavender, who had a young infant at home who was probably in need of a bit of nursing by now, had to make her farewells.

"Albert is supposed to arrive sometime tonight. No doubt we'll have to rehash this all over again in the morning with him," Lavender sighed. "Owl Luna tonight if you have the energy so she'll be able to read it first thing in the morning."

Hermione nodded. She did have the energy, since her body was telling her was time for lunch, not time for bed.

Lavender escorted Christine through Diagon Alley to her car before taking the Floo at the Leaky Cauldron home to Ron and Josephine.

Now it was just Hermione and Severus' reflection in the mirror.

"Oh, Severus," she whinged pitifully, "I wish I never came back."

"I know, but then that would have looked just as bad, if not worse. Then there is the matter regarding your apprenticeship," Severus reminded her.

"Niles, Braxton, Royston. and James were there to protect me, along with others, from the angry mob that greeted me for a welcome-home at the Portkey office," Hermione told him, trying to keep the tone light despite the gravity of the situation.

It pleased him that his fellow Potions masters were looking out for their own, especially Hermione. The fact they had not been quoted for comment, with a note in the article they had no comments to give, indicated they would help protect her.

Hermione drafted her letter to Luna, with Severus making some suggestions. Of his suggested edits, she took some – and of others, she said that the choice of words would appear to be a bit too ingratiating. She was trying to relay the idea that Luna was an extremely perceptive witch who could easily see through such rhetoric.

Severus took Hermione's lead, since she did know the Ravenclaw editor of The Quibbler far better than he did.

Once her owl Calleo, who had been nesting in the company's offices during Hermione's visit to Hawaii, took off with Hermione's letter, it was time for Hermione to go to bed. Pulling out the other half of her Potions apprenticeship experiment, she drank most of the dusky-hued liquid in the vial and suddenly felt quite sleepy, which reset her body clock to local time.

"I wish you were here to tuck me in, Severus." She yawned, stretching before scrubbing her face with her hands.

"I know. One day. Soon," he assured her.

"Should I cover the mirror, or can I leave it uncovered for a while so I can see you and the house as I drift off?" she asked.

"I'll sit here for a while longer if you want," he said, patting the book on the kitchen table that he'd been reading while waiting for Hermione to unpack her mirror. "After you fall asleep, I'll cover my side until about seven in the morning your time."

"Thank you," she mumbled sleepily as she undressed and slid under the covers.

Before he even finished reading the first page, he heard Hermione breathing deeply, indicating she had fallen to sleep. He did not cover the mirror just yet, as he wanted to watch her sleep. As he read, he would stop once in a while to gaze at her sleeping form.

Severus placed a marker in his book and set it down on the kitchen table. He was just about to cover his side of the mirror when he heard Hermione begin to turn over and thrash about in the bed, calling out in a panicked voice, her words indistinguishable.

Hermione's nightmares had returned, and with the day's events, it was no wonder.

"Hermione, wake up," Severus called out through the mirror.

His voice was enough to rouse her from her sleep. "Oh, Severus, you were being attacked by Alan, and Rita Skeeter was there taking detailed notes while I was getting hexed by a hedgehog that called me names," she said with some confusion.

"Shh, it's just a nightmare. Go to sleep. You need your rest."

Severus waited and watched until Hermione fell asleep before he pulled the black drape over his own mirror to give her privacy as she slept. He wasn't afraid she would have a second nightmare, as she'd told him before that usually, it was just one nightmare for the night.

It was time for lunch, but he had no appetite. Instead he put on his shoes and walked down the street.

Knocking on the door, he saw Draco greet him with a smile.

"Come to have a drink to drown your sorrows?" Draco ribbed lightly.

"No, but you may want to," Severus countered quite somberly. "Come, we need to talk. Something serious has happened back in England. Tell Ginny you're heading out for a bit. You'll probably want to avoid telling her about what I'm about to tell you until after the children are born. Given her hormonal state, she will not take this well at all."

Draco sensed it was something quite serious for Severus to suggest withholding information form from Ginny, but he knew that if it was bad enough, he would wait. They went back to Severus' house as that was the only place that could ensure complete privacy, with Severus placing a silencing barrier charm on the mirror so Hermione did not have to hear Draco.

And it was a good thing Severus thought of that spell, since Draco did have quite the conniption fit, especially after Severus told him that Christine knew almost everything, just in case that part about him working as a gigolo came out as well.

Despite Draco's deep tan, he looked pale.

Severus was now in full warpath mode. He would talk to Mounga, who had been referred to as a "swarthy half-giant" in the article, about a counter public relations campaign showing Malu Palekaiko as a peaceful and civilized place filled with a warm sense of community and a diverse blend of cultures, including Muggles. This would be one way to counter such claims of the place being a third-world rat-hole populated by "criminals and the dregs of society." By proving some aspects of the article being false, it would further cause the rest of the expose's veracity to come into question and show it for the biased piece of tripe that it was. That was phase one. Of course, he would have to coordinate something with Christine, since she was the expert on press wrangling and campaigns.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"No, wear the dark wine-colored Hawaiian shirt The green one would be to reminiscent of your Slytherin House affiliation," Christine directed Severus through the mirror as they prepared for Luna's visit.

Severus rolled his eyes, but he knew she was the expert and even silently agreed with her, though he would not say it aloud.

Away from the mirror he changed, coming back to stand before it and ask, "Better?"

"Yes, but it's a pity I could not get a stylist I used to work with to trim your hair a whole lot shorter," she added.

"I'm not cutting my hair. Potions masters are not supposed to cut their hair short until after reaching the age of fifty. This is as a sign of competence – to show they had not burnt their own hair off in a Potions explosion," he informed her tersely.

"Oh, really?" she asked, unaware of that little cultural difference.

Hermione gave him a look to be patient with her Muggle aunt. Christine did not know all these little things, but in a short amount of time she had studied up on wizarding culture to be able to understand most of the cultural peculiarities.

Right on time, there was a knock at the door.

Opening it, Hermione found Luna standing there. She also suddenly noticed the large red letters spelling out "HARLOT TRAITOR" that now vandalized her front door, something that must have happened between when she brought her Aunt Christine to her apartment an hour ago and now.

Hermione looked to Luna with deep embarrassment.

Luna, with her usual casual aplomb, said calmly, "Here, I'll get rid of this for you." With a sweep of her wand, the letters were gone. "And I added an anti-graffiti spell so it shouldn't happen again."

Hermione hugged Luna and asked her to come in.

Luna was introduced to Christine Taylor, with the explanation that because of the Daily Prophet article, it had become a matter of concern for Lavender's business, which is why Christine would be present during the interview.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Christine," Luna said, extending her hand and shaking it.

"Hermione told me that you were once divorced. At some time in the future, would you mind if I interview you? Since divorce is rather rare in the wizarding world, I think it would be rather informative, considering how many in our world do not understand how it works for Muggles, beyond what Hermione briefly told me before."

Christine nodded, saying, "Yes, I would be happy to do an interview at a future time."

"Excellent." Luna turned on the spot and saw the large mirror propped up on an easel across from the settee. Walking over to it, she saw Severus' image in the mirror. "Hello, Professor Snape. Well, actually now it is Mr. Snape. Or would you prefer I call you Severus, since it would make the article more personal and perhaps more sympathetic toward you and Hermione if we do without addressing each other formally. This is why you invited me here, right? To tell your side of the story which seems to be painted in a very one-sided biased light and you want to repair the damage done to both your characters and prevent a backlash against Lavender's company. Am I right?"

Christine had to shut her mouth closed. Because of Luna's vocal mannerisms and slightly vacant stare, she had originally dismissed her as a ditsy airhead who was a touch flighty, but the blonde was just as perceptive and bluntly honest as Hermione had warned her.

"Yes," Hermione spoke for all of them, "this was not a matter we wanted to share with the press for all the world to read, but since the Daily Prophet reported on it and in such a slanted matter and false light, it appears that once again we must come to you to report the truth. Something that has been an on-going habit since the start of the second war, it seems."

Luna sighed to herself. "It does seem that happens quite a lot."

Hermione called for tea, which Marf put on the low table in front of the settee before the interview started.

Hermione began, "Let me preface the beginning of this interview that I believe part of the reason the Daily Prophet article was written in such an unflattering light was the fact that all three reporters who collaborated in that article have a long-standing grudge against me."

"Oh, I am fully aware of Marietta's acne scars and how she received them, and that photo of you posted at the end of your seventh year taken by Colin Creevey resulted in you hexing him," Luna recalled with perfect clarity. Her face then took on a look of befuddled curiosity when she added, "What puzzles me is that Rita would put her name on an article that is blatantly a character assassination piece when you have knowledge of her being an unregistered Animagus, but given that her name is one of three she can claim that she didn't write any of the more unflattering segments, and thus try and get away with it."

"Oh, she's probably still angry I kept her locked up in a jar while she was transformed into a beetle when I caught her trying to eavesdrop on me for another slanderous piece of yellow journalism at the end of the Triwizard Tournament. I forced her to write that article for The Quibbler when you father was still the editor," Hermione surmised. "Maybe it's time to out Rita Skeeter's unknown talent for getting those scoops – put it in a side-bar, then."

Hermione had kept Rita's secret for all those years since she did write the article for The Quibbler that informed the public of Voldemort's return, thus allowing Harry to finally tell his side of the story. However, her casual snipes over the years – at Hermione's job, her divorce, and trial coverage of her case to exonerate Severus and Draco – were bad enough. This latest piece just wiped away the last of Hermione's good will towards the bleached blonde hack.

Turning to the mirror, Luna asked, "Let's start with you, Severus. Since it is obvious the Daily Prophet's insinuations of you and Hermione having a relationship while you were still her professor are obviously untrue, as anyone who has ever attended Hogwarts and had you as a professor can attest, how did your romantic relationship with Hermione begin?"

Severus and Hermione had briefly discussed how they would address this question. They were both thankful Luna directed the question to him first, since he was better at telling partial truths that Hermione.

"Hermione had stumbled across Draco Malfoy one day," he said, which was the truth, though the spying of Draco fucking Ginny Potter was entirely left out. "Hermione had previously thought that he had left the country after the end of the war, having neither seen nor heard about him over the years. It was upon further research she learned about the finer details of the Death Eater Decree and how it was applied to us in equal measure despite our work for the Order and as spies for Dumbledore. She had not known of the details as the Decree was passed while she was out of the country. It was then she began to search for me, and we eventually met." Though the original circumstances under which they met were left out of course, it was the truth, in a very round-about way, and Hermione was asking Ginny questions about Severus and how to find him before she had even met him as Calleo.

With the deftness that would make any lawyer from Slytherin House proud, Severus laid out the tale of how they met, and their subsequent meetings on how to free Draco and Severus from being persecuted under the Death Eater Decree. In actuality, those particular discussions they had were after she found out that Calleo was actually Severus and had already fallen in love with him, but Luna did not need to be privy to those specific details.

"Well, that cassoulet you made could easily win a witch's heart," Hermione added when she mentioned that he had invited her to dine with him during their many discussions in the evenings on how she could help Severus and Draco.

They admitted that their talks began varying to include talking about Arithmancy, Potions, Runes, and other academic topics and current events, in addition to their weekly dinners.

"And given our previous interview regarding your marriage to Ron, when did you realize that you marriage to Ron was ending? Was it before or after you fell in love with Severus?" Luna asked rather bluntly, but with no malice.

"I hated myself for falling in love with Severus while I was still married to Ron, but it was while falling in love with Severus, I realized what a hollow and futile thing it was to stay in my marriage," Hermione admitted. "I suppose you could say that I had never been in love until I fell for Severus."

Hermione turned to give him a smile, which he returned, until he noticed Luna observing him and he schooled his features once more.

During the interview, Hermione said that upon exhausting all other avenues through which to clear their names, since Severus and Draco's plea to confess their innocence under Veritaserum was denied, they realized they had no other choice but for Hermione to pilfer ingredients from her job at the Ministry.

It was also decided before Luna arrived that Severus would confess that he secretly worked as Lavender's Potions master, and Draco was the head of Marketing and Advertising before Christine Taylor took over the position. Since they were now exonerated, Lavender would be free from prosecution of employing them in a non-sanctioned manner. There was no mention of Blaise Zabini as interim director. As for the jobs they were officially on file doing with the Ministry, Severus said it was a low-level position he was still even too embarrassed to admit.

Luna did ask about his wife, to which Severus merely replied that it was an arranged marriage. Upon You-Know-Who becoming aware of his wife's affair with a Muggle from before they married, he ordered her killed. That was the end of the matter, and no other questions regarding Severus' wife were posed.

It was then that Mounga arrived at Severus' house, during the middle of the interview.

Luna learned that Mounga was not a half-giant, but that because he took after his father's side of the family, which was originally from Tonga, he was just naturally a large and tall person. He even cited several famous Muggle athletes of Tongan and Samoan descent who also were of large frame.

Regarding allegations in the Daily Prophet regarding lascivious dancing and dark rituals at the New Year's Eve ball, Mounga laughed, "Well, Severus is not too fond of Mambo or Rhumba dancing, and he thinks it undignified, but as for lascivious? Hardly."

Hermione piped up, "What I find interesting is that Colin Creevey, who is Muggle-born, gave this eye-witness account of 'lascivious dancing' – yet these are all dances that are common Muggle ballroom dancing steps. For a Muggle-born, it is quite surprising he would call Muggle dancing such derogatory names. I'm sure there are some Muggle-borns who have parents who engage in the hobby of ballroom dancing and would be quite upset that Colin called what their parents do in public 'lascivious.'"

Severus smiled, loving how she turned the tables on Colin, who would probably be fielding some Howlers from Muggle-borns and half-bloods about making such accusations about their parents' and grandparents' dancing activities.

The interview progressed with Mounga explaining how some of the residents were considered criminals in their home countries, but as in many cases, are eventually proven innocent, such as Severus and Draco, or were persecuted for political reasons. Then there were some escaping abuse by a spouse or family. With many of the mixed marriages on the island, in which one spouse is a Muggle, the couple had been shunned by the local populations, both wizarding and Muggle. It seemed that in some countries and even some areas, people were still not comfortable with what they called "inter-breeding."

Severus did tell of how the sanctuary's Muggle population was quite helpful during the recent ice pox break-out and that even one Muggle-born's Muggle family flew all the way out from the southern United States to come and help until the town was back on its feet again. He also told of the free elves on the island working tirelessly to help, which is how Mr. Loddy won a seat on the town council after helping coordinate help to those who needed it most during the outbreak.

It was a rather lengthy interview.

At the end, Luna said, "I could do a lengthy article on Malu Palekaiko alone, based on all the information I've learned today."

"We'd love to have you come out and do one. We'd even pay to put you up at the local hotel for a week, if you want," Mounga offered.

"Oh no," Luna refused. "That would appear that you paid me off to give the place a glowing review with free room and board." Turning to Hermione, she asked, "Is Malu Palekaiko a romantic place?"

Hermione could not stop the broad grin that graced her face, and she began to blush furiously. "Oh, my. It most certainly is," she said with a bit of a longing sigh, her eyes flitting to Severus, who also seemed to be unable to stop the smile from tugging at the corners of his lips.

"I wholeheartedly agree, it can be romantic with the right person," he said, a bit of wistfulness slipping into his reply.

"That's wonderful. Neville and I haven't made arrangements for our honeymoon yet, and the wedding is in less than a month. Maybe a week there would be just the place to go," Luna said brightly. "Is the island completely booked up?"

Mounga laughed, assuring her she would find accommodations easily, while Severus said he would get rates for the honeymoon suite at Justina's hotel for her.

"In closing, Severus, is there anything about England you miss that would make you come back here?" Luna asked, then amended with, "Besides Hermione being here?"

Severus' eyes glanced up towards the ceiling as he said with longing, "A good Stilton. And also access to a broad variety of European wines. It seems they stock mostly wines from the States' West Coast, South America, Australia, and New Zealand. European wines get a rather small shelf space at my local grocery store. But I can have Stilton and my choices for wines Portkeyed in from abroad. We have a shopper who brings back good English teas. I would not return except if Hermione needed me for some reason."

"Now Severus," interjected Hermione a bit shortly, but playfully, "that Riesling from California was as good as any from Germany or France you have served me. And that Malbec from Chile was I think better than the one from the South of France you served one time."

He sniffed haughtily. "That Riesling was passable at best, and the Malbec was a bit too bold–"

"I think you can't bear to admit that other regions can make wines just as good as the Europeans," Hermione threw back lightly as a challenge. "Next time I come back, we'll do a blind taste-test and prove you wrong."

"Care to make a wager for such a serious claim?"

"Gladly, especially if it means I'll win another back-rub or see you doing the dishes," she threw back with a playful smile.

Severus was about to make a retort when he caught Luna gazing at the pair of them with a rather sweet and dreamy look on her face.

"Is something amusing you, Luna?" he asked a bit defensively, still feeling awkward about using her first name in such a casual fashion with a former student he was not good friends with.

She sighed longingly. "You two already sound like an old married couple. It's quite sweet, really."

Christine had the audacity to laugh aloud. "Yes, they do seem like quite the smitten couple, don't they," she said, adding fuel to the fire.

Hermione and Severus both looked a bit abashed and toned down their playful banter since it would no doubt be include in the article one way or another. As much as they wanted to show the world that there was nothing wrong about their love for one another, they did not want to put too much of their affection and relationship on display for the amusement of others.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Severus had Hermione read over the paragraph one more time. Katrina was been mewling rather loudly, demanding more ear-scratching while sitting on his lap, so he'd missed that last part.

Hermione turned the page of the latest edition of The Quibbler rather pleased that it certainly seemed to paint their love affair in a rather sympathetic and non-scandalous light. There was even a quote by Ron saying that while he and Snape had always been at odds with one another due to House rivalry and his close association with Harry Potter, he had no qualms about them being in love and supported their relationship since it made Hermione happy, something neither of them were when they were married to each other.

She had no idea Luna had gone to her ex-husband for a quote, but was thrilled that Ron's quote seemed to remove some of the sting of them beginning their affair while Hermione was still married.

Once she was done reading the article, Severus asked if there was any other interesting news featured in The Quibbler that day.

"Nargle thefts are up, according to Ministry accounts," Hermione said blandly as she began rattling off the various headlines. "In Godric's Hollow, there was an apothecary shop that had a break-in. Ooh, there is talk about repaving the cobblestones down the high street in Hogsmeade and whether such a construction project might disturb any long sleeping and possibly forgotten magical creatures or entities that may have taken up residence under the stones that were first laid in the early 1200's."

Severus and Hermione discussed the pros and cons of such a construction project until Gary showed up and they began their Japanese language lesson.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Luna's article did cast Hermione and Severus' relationship in an entirely different light. The threatened boycott was fortunately averted, public opinion once swayed again with the truth presented with Luna's deft turn of a phrase and acute insight. The occasional Howler still came addressed to Hermione, wondering how she could betray her Muggle-born background and be involved with a Death Eater, despite all his work for the Order. Hermione went through the symbolic gesture of paying for ingredients she'd pilfered through her job at the Ministry, for a show of good faith that she was not a thief.

Near the end of January, Christine gave birth to a very healthy baby boy that she named Auberon, after Hermione's maternal grandfather that she never knew, since he died when Hermione was still a baby.

Severus was mildly interested in the baby photo of Hermione's new cousin, a cousin who was young enough to be her own son, as well as the latest photos of Josephine, Lavender and Ron's child. He supposed that one day he would have children, and he would no doubt be showing off photos of his own son or daughter with great pride. For the fact that Severus was not close to Lavender and was only briefly acquainted with Christine, he could not feign much interest. They were merely children of people with whom he was not particularly close to. And while Lavender was once his boss, theirs was a tenuous friendship, and Christine was a relation of Hermione that until recently she was rather distant to as well.

Of course, when Katrina birthed her kittens, Severus was happy to show Hermione each kitten in the mirror with parental-like pride. Hermione was taken with the kittens, asking Severus to not give away the one calico in the litter of five, since he had offers from many to adopt the kittens once they were born.

He supposed his own attitude towards human babies would change to something more positive upon the birth of Ginny and Draco's impending triplets.

It was during the Japanese tea ceremony that the Malfoys had asked Severus and Hermione to be the children's godparents. Hermione and Severus knew of many people, besides Harry, who had been or knew of children currently being raised by godparents, since both wars claimed many adults. They accepted the offer, humbled the Malfoys would entrust their children to them, should anything happen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"All right, Hermione. Read to us the haiku poem you have composed," Gary requested, peering at her through the charmed mirror.

Finally finding the right piece of parchment on which she'd completed the assignment, she read,

"Steam rises curling
Fragrant tea perfumes the air
I wait patiently"

Severus smiled to himself, remembering the evenings together and their game of her guessing the ingredients in his latest brew.

"Excellent," her Sensei praised her, but then discussed her choice of the pronoun she'd used – Watashi, for "I" – and instructed her in the finer points of that particular pronoun. He gave her a suggestion that she might change it to Uchi given the reflective tone of the haiku while remaining gender-neutral so the poem could be read by either gender. Of course she would have to rewrite it as it no longer had five syllables at the end.

"Severus, care to share you haiku?" Gary prompted his other student.

The Potions master cleared his throat before reading aloud in Japanese,

"Petals in a stream
Slowly floating to the sea
Thoughts lost in the breeze"

He had been inspired to write that on a recent evening hike to clear his mind, and had seen the yellow blossoms of the buttercup tree floating down the stream.

Severus was praised for his haiku, but his mind was momentarily lost recalling at the time how he wished Hermione was there with him to enjoy the vision of flower petals gliding along the water.

"Hermione, I would like by week's end a scroll on pronoun usage, and one on Japanese flora and fauna symbolism and how they differ from European symbolism. Severus, I want you to begin reading that book on Japanese 'fairy' tales and write an analysis on the symbolism in those stories," Gary instructed them, both assignments very relevant to understand Japanese Potions texts.

Once Gary left, Hermione said a bit morosely, "Perhaps I should have read him the other haiku I wrote instead," feeling a bit let down that the haiku she'd worked so hard on was criticized for her particular pronoun choice.

"Why did you read this one instead?" asked Severus.

"I don't know," Hermione lied before finally admitting, "I guess it seemed a bit personal, and Gary would have read right through me if I'd read it aloud.

"Sun sets on the day
Waiting to knock on the door
Of sanctuary"

Severus smiled. "Yes, given your inability to keep a poker face, that was wise of you. I could have kept a straighter face, but given my second haiku, it would have been far more obvious," he admitted.

"Oh, really? Read on, Severus. Read on," she said with great interest.

"Her moonlit shadow
Cast upon my rumpled sheets
I dream when she's near"

"I think I would have outright blushed had you read that aloud," Hermione confessed.

"And that is why I read the other one." He smiled at her again until he noticed she'd put her hand momentarily to her head as if to steady herself. "Have you eaten breakfast yet?" His tone was not kind, but accusatory, knowing that with the stress of the past month and having to deal with the fallout of the Daily Prophet article, she was not eating. He did not like how she was getting too thin yet again.

"I'll eat when I have the stomach for it, Severus. You know how my stomach gets into knots and I can hardly have the appetite to choke something down when I'm this upset," she bit back more harshly than she intended. Public harassment of her had mellowed quite considerably after Luna's article, but it was still ever present with the looks people gave her if she ventured down Diagon Alley with her cloak hood down.

"You ate just fine when I'd fix you something when you came over, despite how stressed you were then," he countered a bit hotly referring to their summer together.

"Because I was happy when I was with you," Hermione yelled, suddenly breaking down into tears.

Even with the mirrors that allowed Hermione and Severus to see and talk to each other every day, and even engage in a little long distance "mirror sex," the stress of them being kept apart strained their relationship and it would flare up like an old wound, twinging when suddenly provoked for no reason. They did not bicker often or yell at each other much, but periodically the strain rose up like a sea monster, breaking the surface to be seen briefly before disappearing once more into the unfathomable depths of their subconscious.

While living apart from one another, Hermione would periodically wake with a start in the middle of the night, her brow soaked in a cold sweat. She could not roll over and reach out across the bed to find the comforting presence of Severus, and that is when nightmares returned like malevolent poltergeists in the dark of night.

Severus would not admit it, but when he and Hermione had been briefly reunited, he did not mind being woken up in the middle of the night. The pressure of a small, warm hand in the middle of his back, or placed upon the expanse of his chest suddenly in the quiet hours, would soon be followed by Hermione's fleeting unconscious sigh of relief that he was there to protect and love her. Then she would give a snuffling noise and turn to fall back to sleep, her even breaths telling him that she was slumbering once more. Without Severus in her bed, it was obviously harder for Hermione to fall back asleep.

It did not help that the Potions apprentice was beginning to push herself harder once more, making her more tired and taxed.

Bracing her elbows on her kitchen table, her head in her hands, she heaved a sob before she apologized. "I'm sorry, Severus. It's been a rather stressful month. So stressful, I skipped my period."

There was no chance of Hermione being pregnant since she already had her cycle once since returning from Malu Palekaiko, but some part of Severus deep down inside wanted her to be pregnant. At least then there would be a reason for him to petition the Potions certification board for Hermione to finish her apprenticeship with him and they could be together and possibly married, even if she wasn't finished with her apprenticeship. Of course he did not share this secret wish, but it was there in his heart, wanting any reason for her to be there back with him.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I know you're concerned. I'll eat something before I go into work, I promise," she said before rising from the kitchen table to set the kettle on for another cup of tea and to finally eat something.

"For your visit for Valentine's Day next week, as brief as it may be, I would prefer you fully nourished. It is preferable than having the visit spent brewing restorative potions because you're too tired," he said, insinuating she would need her strength for their brief rejoining.

"Sleep, eat, and making love, and not necessarily in that order," she said, a bit more softly, looking forward to her Portkey to Hawaii on Sunday night. She just wished she didn't have to leave Tuesday.

Severus had even arranged to be entirely out of the shop for Valentine's Day. He had scheduled appointments and commissions so that he could spend a solid forty-eight hours with Hermione without having to emerge from their home during her brief stay, similar to the Malfoys' honeymoon.

Hermione couldn't wait to see Severus again. She even bought him a Valentine's Day present that she knew he would appreciate. It was an antique wizarding book of erotic Japanese shunga prints where the figures moved, interspersed with sexually suggestive haiku. When buying it, she imagined that after Severus unwrapped it she would suggest they could practice their pronunciation while reading poems to one another in bed.

============

A/N: Thank you to my wonderfully talented betas, JuneW and Cygnuz. And sorry for the long delay uploading this chapter, I was hit with a very bad case of the flu with chest infection and laid out for a full week, though still recovering with massive lung hacking right now. I am getting better, but worst chest infection I've had in three decades.
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And They Didn\'t Live Happily Ever After