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Torment Completed	By : Kvarta Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 31717 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.

Chapter List
- 111
- 112
- 113
A/N: Thank you all for your support, kudos, comments and klicks.
@Miss_Prince- Thank you for reading, commenting but most of all liking my story. I update almost regularly every second weekend (Sunday or Saturday, depending of rl obligations)
Still not beta edited and running only on Grammarly so...
In the end, Hermione had a much better time at the party than she thought she would. Sure, some hostility was aimed mostly at Malfoy, but his presence also influenced more mingling. After the initial shock caused by Malfoy’ appearance on the strictly school Ball, Hermione noticed that people from all houses were friendlier towards each other.
The only group held far away were her own Housemates, Gryffindor returnees. Hermione guessed it was to be expected, they took the brunt of the final battle.
The whispers followed her all evening, however; they had nothing to do with Malfoy’ appearance beside her. Nor did they had a connection to the usual- her attempts to change schooling system.
Everybody commented on the jewellery she was wearing.
Hermione had a good time, in general. Inside she was boiling- the slow burn of pain, a constant reminder that Severus would never turn to her, turned to the raging fire of anger.
It all started fairly innocent. One Slytherin 5th year came to ask her will she marry their former Head of House. She took several moments to stop blinking and blushing until she had to explain that she won’t and that Severus is a generous and thoughtful boss. In the meantime, Draco nearly doubled from laughter.
By the time they were going to the Manor Hermione was ready to hex. No, she was ready to seriously damage Severus, including everyone who could try to stand in her way.
~ S ~ S ~ S ~
To say that he was in a bad mood would be an understatement of monumental proportions. Severus couldn’t tell what he wanted to do with himself.
Ever since Potter’ visit he couldn’t sleep. He could hardly breathe.
I lost my mind.
It was the only solution, the only reasonable explanation he could come up with. The other option was far less favourable. No, he was most definitely not jealous. Why would he be?
He decided not to be selfish.
He'll do what is best for the girl.
If now only he could act and react like a responsible adult…
But the night after Potter’ visit he woke up covered with sweat, tangled up in sheets, gasping for air. When he thought he’d welcome the nightmares- Severus didn’t have this in mind.
He could maim that blasted doctor now with no regret, it was partially her fault, his state of mind. He caught himself staring at the ceiling, analysing the meaning and reason behind his dream.
Severus didn’t like what he came up with.
He was afraid, not a novel feeling for him, especially not as of late. What drove him to feel afraid enraged him. He was afraid to lose her, which was preposterous. He shouldn’t be afraid of it, he planned it.
And no, it wasn’t anything stupid as jealousy, at least not at the Draco. Draco was his charge, Draco was also engaged, and most importantly- Draco would never do something like taking an interest in Hermione. That would kill Lucius faster than any curse could. But, courtesy to his nightmare, Severus was faced with a choking feeling of jealousy towards any other sod that might come along.
And will come along.
Nevertheless, that couldn’t even compare to a block of ice that left him feeling empty inside and petrified. Every time he planned the scenarios in his head, he’d come to the point where Hermione would finish her apprenticeship and…
He’d choke out.
He couldn’t imagine how his life would be, trapped in that huge monstrosity of a home. How he would get by without her abysmal pestering. Even now, far away from him, Hermione still influenced his everyday life through instructions she gave to Draco.
Sodding idiot.
Propelled with an inner nervousness Severus resumed his fast pacing. His legs hurt, his back hurt. The pain was as physical as it was psychological.
I made no promises, Severus huffed, distracting himself by thinking about something else. Hermione again, it was like a siege or hostile takeover- she dominated across thoughts.
His research yielded no results. Hermione was thorough in her Obliviation of her parents, and he could only do so much. It wasn’t the conversation that will end well. It was, however, the conversation that will persuade a girl he is a wrong choice- and that would lead to…
Another wave of jealousy spiced with fear raised a wave of anger inside him.
Elf popped in. His foul mood scared off even Misty, she gazed at him warily; he turned to her growling.
“What?”
“Master Draco and Miss-big-mouth are home.” Misty squeaked and poof out.
Severus stopped breathing.
Soon enough Hermione barged in the room and he frowned stubbornly ignoring sudden quickening in his pulse. Whatever he expected of this meeting, what happened- he couldn’t even predict.
Hermione barged into the room, her hair flying in all directions, an expression of fury on her face. She was gripping something in her hand. Without stopping, she barrelled at him, hitting him over the chest with whatever she held in her hand. Severus caught it not paying attention to the content in his arms. The attack was accompanied by an angry hiss.
“You insensitive pillock. Of all mean, idiotic, cruel things you could do…”
“Mind your language, Miss Granger.” He growled, her anger clashed with his.
Hermione’ proximity wreaked havoc to his insides. He glanced in his hands; he was holding jewellery boxes.
“I will mind my language when you mind your actions,” Hermione growled at him, jumping up on the balls of her heels. “I thought public humiliation only works if you can see it. Or maybe you tasked Draco with showing you the memory?”
“As heart-warming your trust in me is- Explain what are you talking about,” he growled back, it was on a tip of his tongue to send her back to Hogwarts, but words got stuck in his throat.
Merlin help me, I want her to be here.
“Why did you sent these? To humiliate me?” Hermione hissed, eyes filling with tears. “I told you I’ll respect your wishes, why can’t you respect me at least enough not to- to do this?”
“It was the test, one you failed I wager judging by your reaction.” Severus forced himself to sound snide.
“Test? Failed?” Hermione echoed, angry blush replacing tears that threatened to spill.
“You know the customs enough to know how smart or air-headed it would be to put publicly these again.” He tossed the jewellery boxes on his bed. “Your carelessness placed us both in an unpleasant situation.”
Severus did his best to ignore the feeling that swelled inside him at the idea Hermione put the jewels publicly once more.
Soon.
Soon she will hate him again, and that pesky irrational speck of insanity called hope will quiet down. Sorrow will drown it, another bleeding wound, this time at least Severus will know that he did a right- unselfish- thing. For now, he had to battle with it, to stifle it.
“If you honestly wanted to give me a choice, Misty could dig up my jewellery along with my dress,” Hermione grumbled.
Severus had to bit his tongue to stop the words.
She did.
She really did, one thin golden chain with teardrop pearl and accompanying earrings. Not nearly good enough for the robes she had. Severus had a half a mind to take something more suitable from the vault, but that was impossible at the present situation. The boxes that now lay on his bed were already at his possession.
And you knew how it would look. His brain supplied. He did, but at that time he didn’t care. Secretly he even hoped.
“The damage is minimal. The rumour will die down soon enough.” He finally waved his hand dismissively.
“You really are a pillock.” Hermione frowned at him. “Do this one more time and I’m done! Done with you! Done with an apprenticeship. Just done…”
“What are you on about?” Severus snapped at her, his temper flaring through the need to pull back, her words hitting like stones.
“You can’t do that.” Her voice stated to crack.
“And what did I do to cause your ire?” He narrowed his eyes at her.
“You… I… I thought you may have changed your mind. I’m fine now, healed and… For a moment I thought you maybe gave that Index a chance…” Hermione looked defeated now, she went to her sofa and plopped heavily on it.
“Why ever would you think something so...? I am not irresponsible contrary to public opinion. Opportunistic- but not to that extent.” Severus squeezed through the clenched throat. “And as fast as your fine goes- leaving me a letter with your confession hardly can constitute as a sign of fine or, indeed, any shred of mental health.”
“You are wrong.” She raised her eyes to his, big and bright and still half-angry.
“Hermione, I have nothing to offer to any potential companion. Nothing apart from the family title I did not want in the first place. And I would not be so... I wouldn’t even consider placing you in such position.” The words surprised him.
Why do I need to defend myself, this is the opportunity to push her away...
She shook her head and Severus sighed, this wasn’t the best of time but it had to be done. “In my current condition, I can’t even brew properly. I failed at the task we agreed upon...”
“Task?” She blinked.
“I finished my research on the Obliviation of your parents,” Severus said, his heart shrinking. “Unfortunately, there is little to none I can do. Two solutions are possible, either to leave them as they are- or to attempt a partial restoration.”
“Partial restoration?” She echoed.
“Yes,” he nodded sitting on his bed opposite to her. “You did a surprisingly thorough spell-casting. The best restoration won’t do much, it might draw to the surface familiarity. They would think you familiar from somewhere, but that is as much as I can do it.”
Severus prepared for tears, for screaming, for curses flying his way. For the second time that evening Hermione throw him off balance. She closed her eyes for a few long moments breathing deep, before standing up and taking his hands in hers.
“Thank you.” She whispered.
“I do not see the reason for your gratitude- I failed,” Severus said.
“Our deal was to help me. You did. You found the best possible solution, and I am grateful for it. Now, I have to figure out what is the best course of action.”
Severus blinked. He was unused to gratitude, especially for failed attempts. Anger, even punishments- he knew how to deal with those. Words failed him, not that his throat would cooperate at any rate. His heart lodged itself firmly in his oesophagus.
He felt like a teenager, lost and confused. Shaken by the mere touch. Hermione sighed, sadness filling her eyes.
“I won’t give up, and with your and Draco’s help…” words escaped him. He was raging inside but what came out of his mouth was a soft whisper.
“No. Even three years is a long time, even if we… There’s no-no point anymore.” She sighed. “That does not mean you didn’t fulfil your part of the deal. And… Once Healers help you, you’ll brew again.”
“Hermione, Healers may stop the progression, they can’t heal existing damage. I should be grateful, I suppose. I will be able to brew with assistant competent enough…”
Hermione’ eyes filled with hope. Will she give up?
“Assistant’s job is not a position in which you can advance or develop further. That is not a job for you.” Severus said.
“Who do you think you are?” She hissed, and he flinched resisting to pull back from her sudden rage. “Who do you think you are to decide in my name? If you don’t want something- that is your prerogative, but don’t you dare make assumptions in my name?”
“I am, begrudgingly, in your debt. At least I’ve been told so. The only way to repay you is to prevent you from making mistakes that will haunt you for the rest of your life.” Why do I implore with her? One insult, well aimed, should suffice.
“You do not owe me anything…” she started.
“I beg to differ if memory serves- you were the one to negotiate.” He reminded her.
“And you healed me, so we’re even.” She huffed, talking over him. “You are a great Potion Master and good man.”
Hermione raised her hand to touch him and Severus jerked back, afraid that her words and her touch would break his resolve. It was hanging at the thread as it is.
“You do not know me…” he tried again.
“I do. I saw your memories…” Hermione cried out.
She’s getting too emotional. “You joined in late on a memory lane. You, little girl, have no idea what I’m capable of.” He growled calling up on anger to assist him.
“I saw, and I still think…” Hermione insisted.
“You know nothing. What I’ve done, what I did to even be admitted.” He hissed.
“I know you,” Hermione said, her voice pitching.
“Misty!” he called grabbing her arm to prevent her from backing off, his eyes narrowed.
He never planned to resort to this, but if this would open her eyes… The pain stabbed him, he’ll lose her now for sure, she’ll be out of his life if not from his heart and thoughts. It is for the best.
Misty appeared, squirming but quiet.
“Bring the Pensive,” he ordered.
“What…?” Hermione tried to ask, but he cut her off.
“Oh no, now you’ll learn,” he hissed menacingly.
The Pensive showed up next to them and Hermione gasped, jerking slightly. He pressed the want to his temple and allowed a silvery string of memory to float to the basin.
“You think you know me? Let us test this theory.” Severus growled pushing her towards the water.
She didn’t resist- at first. He dived in with her. Severus could kick himself, he’d rather not revisit that particular memory, his last task as Initiate Death Eater. Somewhere halfway through she twitched, trying to turn and run, he held her down, forcing her to stay until the end.
Finally, they both emerged, breathing heavy. Her face frozen, blank. Eyes directed to the floor. Pang of- some unnamed feeling grabbed his throat and squeezed hard. He destroyed her feelings for him, her image of him. It is all over now.
He should be happy.
He wasn’t.
“Can you still claim you know me?” He hissed, his voice rough from emotions.
Suddenly she was hugging him, pushing the air out of his lungs. The wetness from her face rubbing against his neck. Words like a stream gushed at his collarbone.
“No wonder you were so numb. What you had to do… if I could I’d take those memories away…”
He stood still, frozen by her reaction, unsure what to do. She surprised him for the third time that evening. Panic slammed at him with full force, his defences- feeble as they were. Crumbled under her warmth and the feel of her.
“Unhand me, witch!” He used all the strength left in him. “What. Do. You. Want. From. Me?”
She pulled back, and he jumped from his seat, pacing agitatedly.
“And what do you want?” She narrowed her eyes, tilting her head. “Did you change your mind? Come to think of it, you changed subjects, you tried to slander yourself in my eyes. But- Not once during this entire conversation you negated or rejected me.”
“Miss Granger…” He growled. This is dangerous. He counted on her emotional distress, that she'll not notice… His own mind betraying him, blocking all attempts to lie.
“You know I hate… Another distraction. You did change your mind, your logic telling you that following your family’s plan is the most sensible idea. That’s why you sent… And that’s why you try to push me away.” Hermione’ voice vibrated dangerously. “For whose benefit? Not mine- I already love you. You can’t change that- so why not use it to your advantage if you are so despicable as you claim to be?”
Severus closed his eyes for a moment. She was the image of strength and fire, her anger pulling all her strength to the surface. Clenching his fists he rooted himself on the spot.
Damn her. Damn that blasted doctor. She did this to him, that doctor made him this weak.
“What do you want from me, which?” He repeated angrily. “What do you want from me?”
“I want to know...!” Hermione cried out. “I want to bloody know… Once, just once- how it feels.”
She slid to the floor, sitting on her knees, tears that danced on the brim entire evening finally falling free. Severus felt as if someone kicked him in the stomach. Her tears- he expected them, he wasn’t ready for them.
Bugger me…
Cursing his own weakness, in two steps he was next to her on the floor, his hand wiping Hermione’s cheeks. She kept her eyes directed to the ground, breaths falling from her lips interrupted with sobs. Each shuddery breath cutting into his soul, ripping through any resolve he had.
“What…?” He whispered.
“And now is even worse.” Her voice, broken and pained. “You want me to hate you, but I can’t.” She shook her head. “What am I to do? Don’t you understand or do you even care? Probably not…” Hermione sobbed.
Her words cut, making small nips, a paper-cuts, over his heart. “I respect you.” He choked out a neutral sound.
“But you don’t care… Why would you… You, even you have a chance… Someone loves you, you’ll find love even one-sided but you will.” She continued brokenly. “I have no one. Everyone hates me.”
“That isn’t true…” Severus tried, but she continued talking.
“You say being an assistant isn’t for me, but who would hire me? I won’t stand still and everyone knows. I am not welcomed at school, not after…” she trailed off.
“Hermione...” He was worried now, anger dying down fast under the weight of her sorrow.
“I- hoped… Those witches seemed happy with you, even her. And I know I did a wrong thing, we talked… If I could, but what’s the point? The best I can hope for is to find someone like- Ron.” She hiccuped.
Something inside him roared at the mention of the oaf's name. He tightened his hold of her. She wasn’t broken, not like before, it was much worse- she was beaten. She surrendered, he could see.
“But when you sent that jewels- I sort of hoped…” Sobs cut the words and he pulled her closer, rocking her gently. What else he could do?
He wanted to be less selfish, to do the right thing. The lines blurred now. If he…
Would it still be the right thing?
Regardless of his own wishes- he could do that. He could give her the necessary shelter, save her from making his mistakes.
He could still save himself too...
Her desire to know how it feels resonated inside him, and now- it even wouldn’t be selfish. It wouldn’t be for his benefit. He had everything she needed, he could provide…
In a way, the position she was in- It was partially his fault. If he didn’t survive, she wouldn’t be so determined to save him. Against his best efforts, his bad reputation already tainted her life.
She is my responsibility now.
His chest heavy. Heart tugging like a trapped wild animal. Happiness battling reason while cold ice spread through his veins. The damage already done, and now the choice is taken out of his hands. Now there was only one road, and Severus wasn’t so sure it will lead her to happiness.
He’s damaged. He’ll always be damaged. And yet…
“Hermione, try to rest now, and we will discuss this tomorrow. I never planned to continue my line, but if I-we… You understand that?” His voice scratched over the dry throat.
“I don’t want to force you. For once you are free…” She hiccuped.
“Yes, and I offer from my free will,” Severus whispered.
A lie, a blatant lie.
She grabbed his robes, bunching them in her hands. Her head pressing at his chest. Hermione shook, sniffling, moistening his robes. He kept on rocking her.
Severus couldn’t tell how long they stayed like that before she calmed down.
“Hermione…” he called, but she didn’t reply. “Hermione…”
With surprise, he discovered that she cried herself to sleep. Sighing, he manoeuvred her into his arms. Standing up, he turned to his bed. He’ll have to explain a lot come tomorrow but for tonight he wanted to protect her, to be there for her.
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Torment *Completed*

Torment Completed