Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

You Will Not Kiss Me	By : Prosperosdaughter Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 22836 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: JK Rowling & her associates own the Harry Potter universe and I make no money from my stories.

Chapter List
- 113
- 114
- 115
Chapter 114: Trust & Shame
"Why? How?" Snape spluttered, his just-dormant jealousy roaring to life in his gut.
"The Muggle-borns Harry got out of the Ministry – Dora was just on her way to work and ran into some of them who said they'd been released by Runcorn! Runcorn, for Merlin's sake! Harry was Polyjuiced as Runcorn! Anyway, she found out from them that Runcorn had advised them to flee the country. A lot of them were just going to go home, but she persuaded them to gather any children, money and belongings and meet with her at the first safe house on the route. It was a bit of a task because only half of those had wands but, well – she did it!"
Snape couldn't help thinking that Lupin sounded gratified. His gut twisted and he looked away from Lupin.
"You sound ... proud," he muttered.
"Severus?" Lupin called softly, and Snape looked at Lupin again. "I'm pleased. I'm pleased she helped save those people. I'm pleased they have a safe haven." Lupin sighed and spoke slowly and carefully. "I'm pleased whenever any of the Order manages a success with the odds so stacked against us. That doesn't mean I'm happy to see her here. I'm not.
"She looked so hopeful when she saw me. Started introducing me as her husband." Lupin puffed in exasperation. "I knew I'd have to try to let her down. I didn't want to embarrass her in front of people she'd saved, but I can't let her get away with that. Not after everything ..." Lupin's expression became clouded as he spoke and then he waved his hand as if pushing away an unpleasant memory, before he focused again on Snape, and gave a slight smile.
"Alphard helped, he really did. He took charge of Dora and the escapees. They're all housed in Alphard's tent for tonight."
Snape felt his anger begin to burn but Lupin interrupted his train of thought with unerring accuracy. "I'll be on watch with some of the others until morning, don't worry."
Was Snape really so transparent? With Lupin, it would appear he was – or Lupin had just learnt how Snape thought.
"With Alphard's help, we managed to persuade Dora to leave in the morning and help those going over to Ireland. I tried to persuade her to stay there – I mean, well, she won't be able to go back to work now, not now she's been seen helping the escapees."
"Perhaps – it's for the best," said Snape. "I dare say, her pregnancy will show soon. Given who the father is," Snape smiled ruefully, grateful Lupin wasn't with him to detect his sourness, "her absence from the Ministry can only be a good thing."
Lupin blinked as he took in what Snape said.
"God, Severus. You're right. She should stay out of harm's way." Lupin looked pensive and Snape wondered if Lupin meant to ask Tonks to stay with the Pack. Where he can care for her ... his traitorous mind whispered. His jaw clamped painfully.
"I'll speak to her again," Lupin continued. "Ted still hasn't registered with the Commission – can't blame him for that. But he can't stay put. At the last meeting, I tried to convince them to go abroad but they won't listen."
Of course they wouldn't. Snape didn't believe Tonks would ever relinquish her misbegotten claim to Lupin. He couldn't hold his tongue any longer.
"I hate her being there with you," Snape hissed. "What if she ... if she ..." He found himself tongue-tied, just as he always used to get when jealousy seized him. It was almost painful to recall how he would seek desperate reassurance from Lily but he managed to push her away just the same – into the arms of another. Would he do it again now? Would his self-destructive instincts overwhelm his love once more?
But Lupin's eyes – those eyes he loved so well – were soft with understanding and patience.
"She's not with me, Severus. She's just in the same place. That doesn't mean anything – not to me, anyway."
"I'm sorry, Remus," Snape muttered. "But you know she can't be trusted around you ..."
"You must trust me, Severus. You must – or you will drive yourself mad. You know how I feel about what she took from me! Why would I let that happen again?" he asked plaintively.
Because she carries your son – the child you've longed for!
It was an instantaneous thought, but it struck at his heart but he bit his lip to prevent it escaping.
"It's you I love." Lupin's voice, like a gentle caress, brought Snape back to look into Lupin's eyes again. "I wish you were here, Severus. With me, so I could comfort you. Please trust me."
Snape knew to carry on would be to drive a wedge between them – he knew how his jealousy could twist inside him until it distorted the truth. Lupin had told him she was there. He could have hidden that from Snape and avoided having to explain anything to him. But then - he realised that Lupin had told him because he needed Snape's support and strength, not Snape's own insecurity magnifying his fears. Snape felt a sudden surge of shame course through him.
"I love you, Remus," said Snape. "I wish I could be there for you too."
He knew that was exactly what Lupin wanted to hear as he saw the relief in his beloved face, the soft smile begin on his lips, crinkling the skin by his eyes.
Lupin touched the mirror with his fingertip and Snape matched it with his own. Just glass between them, but over four hundred and seventy miles. One Apparition, and he could be there. It hurt to say goodbye.
oooOOOooo
Snape had promised himself that he would trust Lupin. He had gone to bed with every intention of sleeping, knowing he would wake up early to speak to Lupin again. All would be well if he could but trust. But no matter how he tried to calm his mind, he could not. Visions of her voluptuousness enfolding Lupin, entrancing him, enticing him, seducing him, pervaded his dreams and he sat bolt upright, sick to the pit of his stomach. He stared at the ceiling, dark eyes glittering.
Why could he not be confident in Lupin's love? He knew Lupin loved him. He didn't doubt it. Why did his own imaginings torture him so? Why did his own mind play games with him, his jealousy perverting his own feelings against him?
He laid down again and screwed his eyes shut, willing himself to sleep – in sleeping, he could prove his complete trust in Lupin.
It didn't work.
Every time he closed his eyes, he saw them as he had seen them in the Pensieve: Lupin grinding into her body, her lips parted in joy, her eyelids fluttering, her hair becoming a more intensely lurid pink with her rising orgasm, knowing that was when she had conceived their child – the son who should have been his!
His eyes flew open. He could not bear it!
He slid from his bed, agitated and sickened.
The bedside clock said 1 a.m. So early! He'd hardly slept at all. He raked his hands through his hair and went to the bathroom. Holding onto the sides of the basin, he looked at himself in the mirror. He already had shadows of worry beneath his eyes. Now he had Lupin back, he couldn't bear the thought of anything coming between them – he wasn't sure he could cope with such a wrench again. It had taken all his emotional reserves to survive the Darkness he had had to immerse himself in. Lupin had become his guiding light. He exhaled roughly.
What he really wanted was to see Lupin – to know he could be with him, as a husband should be, whenever they desired it.
The idea took root. He wanted nothing more or less than to go to Lupin right then. The thought that he could not – should not – ignited a fire of anger in him.
Could he risk it? The Tracing Jinx – was it gone? How would he explain to the Dark Lord if he discovered Snape had been to Snowdon? He couldn't get under the cover of the Pack's protective enchantments without being invited in by Idris.
He paced the length and breadth of his drawing room, his fingers snapping impatiently against his legs as he strode.
Then he recalled the Gillyweed growing in the microclimate of the lake at the base of the mountain. Yes! That would work: if questioned, he would have been gathering wild ingredients. He had a cover! That made up his mind and he called Lupin through the mirror.
oooOOOooo
Snape Apparated precisely to the summit of Cadr Idris. He breathed in enormously, filling his lungs with the astringent air of the mountain that was so very welcome after a stifling night of disturbed sleep, and he stared out at the night-time panorama of stars, calm and yet excited too. At first, Lupin had been shocked that Snape was prepared to risk travelling to him, but Snape had convinced him and Lupin had got a release from one of Idris's sons to leave his watch.
Even without the crack of Apparition, Snape would have known Lupin was behind him: he could smell Lupin's musk, all the headier for being with the Pack.
Before he could turn to face Lupin, Lupin's hands fell on his shoulders and his face nuzzled into Snape's neck. Snape's head fell back in anticipation of delight.
"My Severus," Lupin breathed, his hot breath playing on Snape's jaw line, thrilling him to the core, as his fingers spread up Snape's face, turning it towards his own, and then kissing him – softly at first, and then more insistently.
It took Snape's breath away – the soft lips on his, the tender tongue, the fingers wrapping into his hair, the warm body pressing insistently against his own, gradually lowering Snape onto the great stone, as he undid Snape's travelling cloak, and then the rest of his clothes followed by his own, until they were quite naked together.
Snape had expected the hot, tempestuous urgency of the wolf-within after days with the Pack, but Lupin clearly had other ideas. His movements were restrained, his touch so light, stroking Snape's skin with his fingertips, his tongue and lips: soft sweeping movements, igniting Snape's nerves and building the sensations as light mountain breezes wafted against his skin, making it prickle even more as Lupin's lips traced a sensuous line across his chest and down his body, his hands now more demanding against his ribs and then his hips as Lupin's tongue played lightly around his navel. Snape felt the shock of werewolf magic jolt through him and he arched suddenly and Lupin's hands pressed against the small of his back, a loud moan escaping from him as Lupin took him in his mouth, mouthing and licking him, each movement slow and languorous, driving his senses to their very peak of intense pleasure, his groin throbbing with need.
Snape reached down, hooking his hands under Lupin's arms to bring him back to face him, to kiss him, taking fistfuls of his hair possessively.
"My beloved," Snape just managed to breathe, as he released the kiss, his body now trembling with urgent longing.
"Yes, yours," Lupin murmured. "Always yours."
Lupin took Snape's hands from his hair and kissed them then placed them gently above Snape's head, a gesture requesting his submission. Snape felt his skin thrill, a small moan escaping him as he kept his hands above his head, leaving his body open for Lupin's sensuous lips to draw his skin in, softly licking and sucking his exposed throat down to his nipples, as his gently questing fingers prepared and excited him. Then Lupin pushed into him deliciously slowly until he was seated in Snape fully. Lupin still didn't rush. He held his weight on his arms, pushing in as far in as he could, his own eyes unfocused in pleasure. The heat and fullness Snape felt throbbed throughout his body and he whispered, "Please!" to Lupin's ear.
Only then did Lupin move, oh so slowly and controlled, never taking his eyes from Snape's own, murmuring encouragement to him, building his delight inch by hot inch. All Snape's fear and jealousy, his worryingly complete dependence on Lupin for his mental well-being – it was all wiped away in the delirium of Lupin's prolonged and inexpressibly tender love-making until Snape could no longer hold on, and he came with a drawn out moan on the powerful surge of his release followed within moments by Lupin's own, still controlled, even though Snape could feel the tremulous tension in Lupin's body. Still, Lupin did not fall onto Snape's body but lowered himself so they could kiss, albeit breathlessly, and hold each other until they calmed.
Lupin pulled Snape up to lean against him, wrapping his cloak around them both, his strong arms enfolding Snape as he kissed the crown of his head lightly. Snape's cares were soothed as, wrapped up together, they murmured gentle words of love and of their hopes and fears, and watched the sky gradually lighten for the dawn of the new day.
It was time to get back to the castle. Merlin knew, Snape didn't want to leave! Just as they were now, that's what Snape wanted for their future together – to be made up of dawns like this one, wrapped up in each other's love.
oooOOOooo
Snape quickly incanted the complex charms to allow him access to the castle grounds, re-set them and then strode the long, winding path to the castle, his step the lighter for having been with Lupin, his heart a little less heavy even as his lower body throbbed. He just wanted Lupin home with him – but if he couldn't have that just yet, this would do. Tonks would leave later that morning and Lupin would not have to fend off her unwanted advances. Snape knew he must keep his mind from her: she troubled him too much – just too much for his comfort and – perhaps - for safety.
As he made his way through the corridor leading to his concealed quarters, he became aware of a whimpering, then a crackle of magic charging, and a ringing shout of, "CRUCIO!" followed by harrowing screams mingled with ugly laughter. Snape ran to the voices, his wand at the ready.
As he ran around the corner to a disused room and blasted the door open, his eyes found the writhing, partially-clad body of Luna Lovegood, Crabbe stood over her, twisting his wand as his face twisted with the Darkness of the curse. Then Snape saw Goyle kneeling near Miss Lovegood, his trousers and pants around his ankles. The Slytherins spun around, their shock at Snape's intervention evident in their dim-witted faces.
Rage, hot and powerful, exploded in Snape.
"STUPEFY!" he bellowed and the Slytherins fell heavily where they stood.
Miss Lovegood tried to sit and clasp her torn robes around her bruised frame. Quickly averting his eyes, Snape offered her his travelling cloak to cover herself as she brushed tears from her face. She placed the cloak around her shoulders and, still trembling, tried to stand but could not.
Snape's anger was not yet spent, but he also realised he had made a terrible error of judgement in acting so precipitously. He summoned Tippy to fetch Poppy as quickly as possible as his revulsion at Goyle and Crabbe's cruelty warred with his concern that he had blown his cover quite spectacularly.
He stood away from Miss Lovegood as she tried once again to stand. He wanted to go to her, to help her - he even had the Potions in his cloak which could help to heal her – but he dared not. Feeling every bit as helpless as he had when he was young as Miss Lovegood shivered in his cloak, he pointed his wand instead at Goyle, and the boy was reclothed and then at both Crabbe and Goyle.
First, he cast a silent Accio! Three wands flew to him, the boys' and Miss Lovegood's.
"Incarcerous!" he then hissed, his eyes smouldering with anger, as bonds shot from his wand around both youths. Then he passed Miss Lovegood's wand to her.
"Thank you, Professor Snape," Miss Lovegood said weakly, slotting the wand behind her ear and shifting uncomfortably on the floor. Snape suspected she was in pain but he didn't dare show too much sympathy. She pulled up her legs under the cloak and hugged them to herself, still making barely any noise at all.
Snape felt so shamed by her bravery and stoicism, wishing he could offer her comfort but knowing he could not – not to one perceived as a blood-traitor. Then he heard the click-clacking of shoes hurrying down the corridor and thanked Merlin that Poppy was nearly there.
"Oh, Luna dear!" said Poppy softly, bustling past Snape as she headed straight towards Miss Lovegood, by-passing the Stupefied Slytherins trussed up on the floor. She gently coaxed her charge to her feet, wrapping Snape's cloak around her more tightly as she trembled, and then withdrew a couple of phials from her pinafore pockets and helped Miss Lovegood to drink them.
"I'll need help transporting Luna, Severus. She's really not strong enough -"
"I can manage -" the girl gasped.
"Nonsense!"
Snape nodded and Levitated a nearby chair.
"Are you coming?" Poppy asked Snape briskly, as she helped Miss Lovegood into the chair.
"No," Snape answered flatly. "I must deal with these two."
"Deal with them?" Poppy snorted. "They should be in Azkaban for what they've done! I dare say you won't even have the gumption to expel them!" Poppy turned back to Miss Lovegood, who regarded Snape with a strangely wistful expression. "Come, my dear. I'll look after you now."
Poppy raised her wand and Levitated the chair and its occupant down the corridor, casting one more furious glance at Snape and his charges.
oooOOOooo
Snape had Levitated both Crabbe and Goyle to the Headmaster's office. Tippy brought him a robe to put over his shirt and trousers so he would be suitably formal when he Rennervated them.
"What has happened, Severus?" asked Dumbledore. Snape cast a Silencing Charm over himself and the portrait.
"They attacked Luna Lovegood," said Snape, his gut turning over once more. "The Cruciatus, and I believe they tried to – to rape her. I don't know yet if they actually did. Poppy will tell me."
Snape could have sworn he saw the portrait's eyes blaze.
"Isn't this the time you normally patrol?"
Snape's stomach lurch sickeningly. Did Dumbledore know Snape had left his post? How could he? He knew the answer as soon as he asked the question: the portraits – the other portraits would have told him.
"I caught them in the act," Snape snapped defensively, refusing to look at the portrait, even though he could feel all the residual euphoria from his and Lupin's love-making shrivelling inside.
"You promised me, Severus. You gave me your word would keep the students safe, but you put an assignation with Remus first."
The heat of shame flamed up Snape's face but then a rush of anger overcame that other emotion. He could have been summoned by the Dark Lord. Would that have been his fault too?
"No, Albus," Snape hissed. "You will not do this to me. You will not lay this at my feet! Not when you know ... you know what I've had to live through! How dare you?"
His righteous anger had hold of him now: all that he had given to Dumbledore – all he was giving to Dumbledore still – to the Light! He turned to the portrait, his dark eyes glittering.
"If I put Remus first, I would not be here at all, Albus! I would be with him! Every minute of every day!" he shouted. "But I'm not. We both do the work you asked of us – keep the promises made. More than was asked. No! You cannot keep me from him. I will not do that for you!" Suddenly, he felt deflated and sad. "You don't know what it's like to have nothing but Darkness. Remus keeps me strong. Otherwise ... there would be nothing -" Snape choked on the sentence, pushing the remembered anguish back.
"Severus," said Dumbledore, his tone conciliatory although barely noticeable to any who didn't know him as well as Snape. Snape breathed heavily to calm himself and then nodded to Dumbledore to continue.
"What will you do with them?"
Snape sighed as his shoulders slumped wearily. "Realistically, I don't know how far I can punish them – if I can punish them at all. If I had my way, I'd call the Aurors." Snape sneered. "Yaxley's one of Goyle's father's old class-mates. He'd just set them free. Damn them!" he snarled, closing his eyes against the memories that surged over him of the times he had been helpless and hopeless. He knew exactly how Miss Lovegood would be feeling now.
"Will you call Horace?"
Snape snorted in derision.
"He has never been of any use!" Snape retorted, bitterly. Slughorn had certainly never been of any use to Snape when he had been young.
"Still, he is their Head of House. He should be told."
"Oh, I'll tell him all right!"
No-one had ever happened on him when Malfoy or any of the others tormented him or any of the other half-bloods. Slughorn had never patrolled, even in the dungeons.
"There had never been any hint of this, Albus. These boys – stupid, yes. Cruel, even. But not this."
"Not when you were Head of House, Severus," said Dumbledore. "You knew what to watch for. How to guide them. Others guide their actions now. Others for whom power is the ultimate goal, and degradation of others a reward. This is everything we are fighting against, Severus."
Snape repressed the urge to point out that Dumbledore was fighting nothing anymore. That was for those who were left behind.
"You don't need to remind me." He exhaled heavily. "I will find a way, Albus."
"I do not doubt you, Severus."
With that, Snape cancelled the charm and then turned to the Slytherins, still bound on the floor, wondering how to retrieve his own appalled reaction and cover his tracks. He could not let them see where his true loyalties lay.
He Conjured two chairs then Levitated the boys into sitting positions then Vanished their bonds.
"Rennervate!"
The boys came to, each of them looking stupefied as their eyes came into focus and they looked around themselves in fright. Snape stood straight on the dias before them, towering over them.
"Well? Explain yourselves!"
"Professor Carrow said to do it," blurted Crabbe, looking at Goyle for support. "Said to take 'er watch and punish anyone out in the corridors!"
Snape's eyes narrowed in anger. How dare she refuse to take her watch? Lazy – stupid – ignorant ...
"And did Professor Carrow tell you to use the Cruciatus Curse?" asked Snape, silkily
"Well – yeah," said Crabbe. "Taught it us herself. Wiv 'er brother. Part of Dark Arts, innit?" Crabbe looked surly now, as if he somehow thought that answer would impress Snape.
"Professor Carrow told you to use this spell on a pure-blood?" Snape cocked his head to one side, fixing Crabbe's small, piggy eyes with his own, reading the oaf easily. Now, Crabbe gaped open-mouthed.
"A pure-blood, Mr. Crabbe! Proper, fully magical blood! I have given no instructions for pure-bloods to be placed under the Cruciatus!" Snape could barely believe what he was saying. His face twisted with revulsion, but for his own perceived betrayal of those he loved: half-blood Lupin and Muggle-born Lily.
"Professor Carrow said she needed a lesson!" Crabbe sneered. "Well, we taught 'er one, didn't we?" He sniggered stupidly, his demeanour showing he thought he was untouchable.
At that moment, Snape hated that youth – hated him so passionately for perpetuating the violence and degradation pure-bloods considered their entitlements.
"No, Mr. Crabbe. Lessons are not for you to teach. What is to stop me expelling you – right here and now?"
"My dad!" Crabbe answered back. "My dad'd stop you."
"No. No – I don't think he would."
He swirled towards Goyle.
"And you, Mr. Goyle! With your trousers open like a savage! Are you claiming Professor Carrow told you to sexually assault students at this school? Is that your claim?"
Gregory Goyle blinked stupidly, clearly never thinking his actions would be discovered, let alone punished. Such was the arrogance of the pure-blooded.
"But ... but you're on our side!" he stuttered.
"Be grateful that I am. Can you even imagine what would have happened if Professor McGonagall or Professor Flitwick had caught you? Or students from other Houses? Do you think they would spare you?"
"But it's Loony Lovegood! No-one cares about 'er!" Goyle protested.
"But they hate us more," hissed Snape. "Do you want our great work to fail?"
He saw the boys' chest puff out with pride to be included in Snape's allusion to the Dark Lord. He very much wanted to strike them both but he had to dissemble and control them instead.
"'Course not," mumbled Crabbe, now pink with embarrassment.
"You will not descend to the behaviour of half-breeds like Greyback, do you understand me?" said Snape, glowering at Goyle, who blanched under Snape's intense glare. "You will not give the blood-traitor and the impure of blood reason to criticise us, or their parents reason to take their children from this school. You will do nothing without the direct oversight of your professors. I do not want to have to report your failure to the Dark Lord. Do I make myself clear?"
"Y-yes, Professor Snape," blurted Goyle, and Crabbe nodded gratefully.
"No second chances. Now - get – out."
oooOOOooo
It was still early but there would be no rest for Snape now. He Disllusioned himself and made his way to the hospital wing. As he approached, he disabled Poppy's alarms, as was the Headmaster's prerogative, and slid silently into the wing. Poppy was sleeping in the cot in her office and Snape cast a Morpheus Charm on her to ensure she did not waken then he read the Ravenclaw's notes, taking in the detail of the Cruciatus and the attempted rape ... 'attempted'. Snape exhaled heavily, closing his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
Merlin! He had got there in time!
Relief, albeit tempered by the torture she had suffered, washed over him. He closed the file and made his way into the ward.
Miss Lovegood slept, propped up against a number of pillows, her mess of dirty blonde hair spilling over them. Poppy had cleansed her and healed her cuts and bruises, that was obvious - but Snape knew there would be other wounds – emotional ones – that would not heal so readily.
He turned on his heel to leave when Miss Lovegood spoke.
"Thank you, Professor Snape," she said, her lilting voice only just audible. "I knew you were on our side."
Snape's head snapped towards her.
"What on earth do you mean, Miss Lovegood?"
"It's why I was out of my dorm, Professor. I asked the portraits to let me know if you left the castle so I could see Professor Dumbledore. I saw the way he watched you when you caught us. He still trusts you."
"Silly girl!" he snapped waspishly, even as his stomach turned over with a flutter of panic. Her otherworldly gaze never left his, and he was struck quite forcefully by her otherness – she was an outsider - just like him. He felt oddly protective towards her. But she couldn't know this thing or even suspect it - it was just too dangerous. Snape took a step towards her, shamed once more, knowing Dumbledore would never have done to a student what he was about to do.
"Have you told anyone else about this?"
She tilted her head. "No. They wouldn't believe me anyway." She sighed. "I know what you have to do. I trust you."
Snape nodded and levelled his wand.
"Obliviate."

.
A/N: Thanks for reviewing. It's always appreciated.
- 113
- 114
- 115
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

You Will Not Kiss Me