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Memories of Deception	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 20868 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Memories of Deception
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9.
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 90-90
- 91-91
- 92-92
- 93-93
- 94-94
- 95-95
- 96-96
- 97-97
- 98-98
- 99-99
- 100-100
- 101-101
- 102-102
- 103-103
- 104-104
- 105-105
- 106-106
- 107-107
- 108-108
- 109-109
- 110-110
- 111-111
- 112-112
- 113-113
- 114-114
- 115-115
- 116-116
- 117-117
- 118-118
- 119-119
- 120-120
- 121-121
- 122-122
- 123-123
- 124-124
- 125-125
- 126-126
- 127-127
- 128-128
- 129-129
- 130-130
- 113
- 114
- 115
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
The overriding emotion Snape had felt as he began to slip slowly into unconsciousness was relief. Relief that it was over, that he had finally come to the end of the long, dark road he had set out upon so many years ago. Relief that he had somehow managed to complete his final task and could now finally leave this world to be with the one he had loved for so long.
A small part of him had whispered that that last though was somehow wrong, but as Lily's green eyes filled his darkening vision he didn't seem to be able to work out why. Strangely enough, he'd thought that dying wasn't anywhere near as painful as he'd feared, but felt almost as if he was just falling asleep. He'd barely been able to feel the wounds at his neck, and although he'd known the snake's venom was causing his blood to congeal in his veins, he'd been able to feel his heart pounding in his chest when it should have been stuttering to a halt.
A slight movement in the room had caught his eye, and with effort he'd shifted his gaze from Lily's eyes, only for it to fall on the girl standing behind, her face filled with shock and horror. Hermione… His eyes had widened in sudden remembrance. Not Lily…. doing it for her… for the girl… love her…
Another wave of relief had broken over him as he realised that by giving the boy his memories he had surely save her the difficulty and humiliation of having to do so herself, and revealing her association with him. From the confusion on her face he had known that she wasn't in full possession of her memories. She probably would have tried to save me if she'd known… A sharp pang had pierced his heart as he'd realised that he would die as the woman he truly loved watched in ignorance, uncaring.
Even as he'd slipped further into unconsciousness and his vision began to dim he'd ached for her to understand, that he'd gone to his death knowing his fate, that he'd done it for her and for the better, bright future she would have without his darkness weighing her down. All for you, my love… In a final moment of weakness he'd reached toward her, but then his heart had finally stopped racing and the world had gone black. One last had drifted down the tunnel of his fading awareness; My one gift to you, my love… your life.
The first sense to return was touch. Slowly he became aware of being cocooned in softness and warmth, and a sense of peace enveloped him. Is this what dying feels like? It wasn't what he had expected. For almost twenty years, ever since he had thrown himself on the mercy of the light, he had assumed there was a place reserved in hell for someone like him. But where am I? He could feel his limbs now, heavy and lethargic. I have a body?
Suddenly he was conscious of a dim light surrounding him, coming from nowhere and everywhere. Then from somewhere far away he could hear his name being called. For a moment he thought it sounded like Hermione's voice, but he knew that it couldn't be anything more than wishful thinking. He was dead, finally, after so many years of wishing to be so, but the woman he had wished to find here was no longer the one he longed for. Regret lanced through him, regret for his wasted life, and bitterness that the fates had only allowed him to find love when it was too late.
But at least I had a taste before the end… His heart seemed to pound faster at the thought. Lost in the vast nothingness surrounding him, he held onto the precious memory of her coming apart beneath him, of realising that he loved her, as her held her tightly to him. The fact that she had never spoken of love to him was a moot point. She had given herself to him, had protected him like no other during his miserable existence on Earth, and now he had passed on to…wherever this place was, there was nothing to spoil the memory of his one perfect moment. Hermione…
The light seemed to be getting brighter and he could feel his heart thumping wildly in trepidation as he realised he could feel another presence somewhere nearby. It was so close he could almost feel it touching him. He twitched the muscles in his limbs experimentally, and then he knew somehow that there was a hand in his. I have a hand… a body? He couldn't understand. He had never had a clear view of what he had expected from the afterlife, but this was not it. The sensations he was feeling were too strong, the beating of his heart almost painful in his chest.
The peace he had felt earlier was dissipating fast, although there was something familiar and comforting about the scent emanating from the body next to him. From a distance, everything seemed to rush towards his consciousness at once, and he squeezed the hand that was gripping his in alarm.
He could now perceive that he was lying on something soft, and that, instead of being surrounded by light, he actually had his eyes closed against the glare of his surroundings. He forced them open, blinking painfully, and taking a few seconds to adjust to the brightness. Slowly the room around him came into focus, and suddenly he realised that she was there. He frowned in confusion. He was dead. She shouldn't be here… unless… The heart that shouldn't have been beating felt like it was going to burst with the pressure.
Then as her eyes slowly lifted from where their hands were conjoined, sudden comprehension came to him. Her eyes fixed on his with such hope and love shining in their amber depths that it stole away the breath he hadn't expected to have. I'm alive. His surprise quickly turned to anger. This wasn't supposed to happen. She'd tricked him, making him believe he was going to die, and he'd done what was expected of him, believing he was doing the right thing for her. He licked his lips and swallowed with difficulty, trying to bring some moisture to his dry and aching throat.
"What…. What have you done?
Hermione slowly slid to the floor as the magical bonds holding her wrists against the wall disappeared, dropping her head into her arms as she sobbed louder. The last few minutes had passed so quickly in a whirlwind of emotions and madness. She could barely understand what had happened. The only thing that she was sure of was that he was gone. And my heart with him.
xx
She sat at his side, shocked and open-mouthed, unable to form a reply as he continued to berate her in a scratchy, rough version of his normally sensual drawl. Not that she would be able to get a word in edgeways. Snape wouldn't look at her, and despite his voice getting hoarser he continued to speak. She squeaked in indignation as he rebuked her for saving him, even going so far as to accuse her of deliberately making him think he was going to die.
Tears started to gather in her eyes. She'd never said anything about him dying, and unless he had pushed into her thoughts she wasn't sure how he had even got the idea in his head. It wasn't her fault that he had not expected to return from the shack. Was it truly so bad that he had survived? Surely he wanted to live. She couldn't understand why he was so upset about her saving him. She'd been convinced that he had felt something for her, if the way that he'd held her and made love to her earlier could be believed. So what had she done wrong?
Indignation rose in her, then was quickly quashed as she recalled how courageous he must have been to walk to his death so calmly. Perhaps his reaction could be blamed on the shock of his waking when he had not believed he would. Or perhaps he truly wanted to die… what does that say about how he feel for you, though? The sudden absence of sound drew her out of her thoughts, and she realised his tirade had stopped.
"Severus, please, don't be angry with me, I thought you'd be happy. I thought you wanted…"
"Out of my way, girl." He'd already pulled the covers of and was shuffling around, trying to get his legs off the side of the bed away from her.
Girl… I thought we were past that… "Please, I only did it because…" she paused, suddenly nervous at what she wanted to say. Snape seemed to pause to listen, so she gathered her courage and spoke before he had the change to grow impatient. "…because… I love you…"she finished in a half whisper.
He was motionless for a few seconds, and she waited breathlessly for his response, her heart pounding fiercely in her chest. There was no reply. Instead, after a moment his shoulder slumped and his head drooped. Her stomach plunged, and she felt horribly sick. He doesn't know how to tell me… he doesn't feel the same. Oh gods…
"Severus, I don't…" She tried to grab for his hand, wanting to tell him she understood, but he pulled it out of her reach and shakily got to his feet, pulling a blanket around his waist with one hand as he pressed a hand to his chest and winced in pain. Her own heartbreak was forgotten immediately in the face of his ill-health, and her sudden panic that something was seriously wrong. "You shouldn't be out of bed, you've lost so much blood, I need to get Madame Pomphrey to check you over first…"
He wasn't listening, and with a flare of panic, she realised that he had found the wand that had been set out on the bedside table by Tiggy sometime earlier.
"Severus, what are you…?" She forgot what she was about to say as he turned to face her. His face, which had been so pale and wan a short time earlier, was red and flushed, and he was holding himself strangely, as if in pain. "What's wrong? Your face…."
Snape moved towards her unsteadily, and she wrapped her arms around his waist to hold him steady, again cutting off what she was about to say. She looked up at him, hoping he'd come to his senses and that he'd just been confused upon waking up. His eyes were glazed and feverish, their expression strangely wild, but for a moment she could have sworn that there was a glimmer of tenderness in his gaze as he looked back at her silently.
Hermione held her breath, not wanting to break the spell, half expecting for his to lean down to kiss her. Slowly he lifted up his hand to stroke her cheek, and she closed her eyes to lean into it. His thumb stroked gently across her skin, and she couldn't hold back the small sigh of pleasure that spilled from her parted lips.
At the sound he tensed, and his hand fell from her face. She felt a tugging feeling at her neck, her hair pulled to one side, and she opened her eyes in confusion. He moved away from her as quickly as he'd stumbled into her arms, and it took a few seconds for her to realise what he was wrapping round his neck.
Her stomach tightened in dread. "What are you doing," she cried, darting towards him, but quicker than she thought possible considering the pain he was obviously in, his wand came up in her face. She stopped, stunned with incomprehension, and he took the chance to wordlessly cast a spell at her, forcing her back against the wall and pinning her wrists against the cold stone. But then he stumbled, pressing one hand to his heart before righted himself with a wince.
"Severus, what's wrong? Please let me help you. You need to let me go… please, Severus," she begged.
He didn't reply. Instead, as he held himself upright with difficulty, he pointed his wand at the object in his hands and whispered a spell she recognised. Realising what he was about to do she began to implore him again, her desperation obvious in her voice.
"No, please don't. You're not well, you need to see a doctor, something's wrong. Please, don't do this, don't go. If you don't want me, I can go, just please don't use it, please…" she babbled, almost incoherent with terror at what he was about to do.
Snape looked up at her then, the pain in his eyes clear. "I'm sorry, for everything… he whispered in a voice that was just loud enough to reach her. He paused for a moment, his gaze searching her face as if looking for something and she began to beg harder, thinking she was reaching him. His own face crumpled in anguish, before he looked down at the object in his hand and turned the dial twice.
xx
Now huddled on the floor, tears rolling down her cheeks, she couldn't get those last few seconds out of her head. For, as he'd hesitated, his face had changed, scrunching up in pain. His body had gone slack, and Hermione had been forced to watch, unable to help as he'd crumpled, falling towards the floor as he clutched at his heart.
He'd never hit the floor, however, for the moment the time-turner around his neck had slipped from his fingers it had begun to spin, and Hermione had managed no more than a frantic scream of despair before he'd disappeared.
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Memories of Deception