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Memories of Deception	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 20868 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Memories of Deception
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9.
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
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- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
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- 86-86
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- 88-88
- 89-89
- 90-90
- 91-91
- 92-92
- 93-93
- 94-94
- 95-95
- 96-96
- 97-97
- 98-98
- 99-99
- 100-100
- 101-101
- 102-102
- 103-103
- 104-104
- 105-105
- 106-106
- 107-107
- 108-108
- 109-109
- 110-110
- 111-111
- 112-112
- 113-113
- 114-114
- 115-115
- 116-116
- 117-117
- 118-118
- 119-119
- 120-120
- 121-121
- 122-122
- 123-123
- 124-124
- 125-125
- 126-126
- 127-127
- 128-128
- 129-129
- 130-130
- 117
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- 119
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Sorry for the slow update, I'm on holiday and am struggling to get wifi. I've also posted a new story, again SSHG. It's supposed to be a oneshot, but may be more.
Hermione found herself surprised by the older witch's understanding. She'd found it easier to open up than she'd believe possible, and of course it hadn't taken long for her to pull the whole story from her, and Hermione had even gone so far as to confess in a broken whisper what she'd seen in his memories. McGonagall hadn't been particularly shocked to hear of Snape's feelings for Lily, as she'd witnessed the way he had clung to her during their first few years at Hogwarts before their friendship turned sour, but she was appalled that he'd continued to love her for so long. Not for the sentiment, but that he'd suffered for so long, and that Dumbledore had taken advantage of him in such a way.
McGonagall seemed unsurprised that Snape had barely touched her since the day she'd discovered her in the head's office, but Hermione could see the concern in her eyes as she professed her continuing feelings for him, as well as her confusion about how Snape felt about her. For some reason, Hermione found herself unable to tell McGonagall about what had happened when she'd gone back in time during the battle, although she did confess to telling Snape she loved him, just before he'd disappeared into the future.
"And do you still feel this way?"
Hermione looked down at her hands which she was twisting nervously in her lap. "Yes, of course… I mean, I…"
"You don't sound like you're all that sure, my dear. What's the matter?"
She shrugged. "I love him, at least… that's what it feels like. Why shouldn't I love him?" she demanded, looking up at the other woman. "He saved me, risked his life for me several times. He did nothing to me that I didn't demand of him, and I'm sure the whole thing was far worse for him than it was for me. At least before I could hate him for what he did to me, at first anyway. But I forced him into doing all those awful things, and he hated every moment of it. And later, he was caring and kind when he didn't need to be, even when it caused problems for him with V… Voldemort. And when he…" She paused and blushed, looking away again.
"...When he what?" McGonagall asked gently, leaning forward slightly, resting the hand that held her teacup on one arm of the chair.
Hermione closed her eyes, embarrassed. "Voldemort wanted to know why he wasn't taking advantage of me more, why he didn't choose to degrade me and use me for his own pleasure. He risked so much, was tortured even, so that I didn't have to suffer more." She finally opened her eyes to look at McGonagall, who was watching her silently, waiting for her to continue in her own time.
"The whole time I was confused about how I felt about him. I didn't understand how I could feel something for someone who I thought at the time was my enemy. When I got all my memories back it all made sense, like my subconscious had been telling me all along how I felt, even when the memories were gone. I got to spend time with him when I knew what he really was, when he didn't have to pretend to be something he wasn't. I thought I saw the real him, and I thought… I thought he felt the same about me. But he doesn't, does he? It was all just an act. And this last week I've been starting to think, and I wonder…" she trailed off.
McGonagall reached across to squeeze her hand gently. "What do you wonder?"
Hermione looked down to where their hands were joined, blinking furiously as she tried to stop the tears coming to her eyes. "I wonder if any of it was real. Severus said, more than once, that I only feel this way because he manipulated me into doing so. What if he was right? What if I only think I love him because of everything that happened?" She pulled away from McGonagall and buried her head in her hands. "I even gave him tips on what to do and say. No wonder I fell for it."
"I can't tell you what Severus was thinking, or the reasons behind most of his actions, but I can tell you that he… that he… cared for you."
Hermione looked up. "He told you that, or are you just guessing?"
"I guessed, but he did admit to it when I confronted him about what he was doing with you. Beyond that you will have to wait and speak to him yourself."
"But there's no guarantee we'll be able to figure out what was wrong with his anti-venin. In any case I won't have the chance to speak to him until two years' time, even if we are successful! And what am I supposed to do until then?" Her voice had grown shrill.
"You are welcome to stay in the castle. The governors called an emergency meeting a few days ago and have made my position as headmistress permanent."
"But what about…"
"…Severus? The governors are unaware that he is still headmaster, and that I am unable to fully command the castle until he returns and either resigns, or is reinstated. We are not in a position yet where it is wise for the wider population to know he has survived. Kinglsey is poised to become Minister, although it is likely he will only stay in the position until all this mess is sorted. I have already spoken to him, and he has agreed that he will make sure Severus's name is cleared, legally at any rate. It is hard to gauge what public opinion will be, as he has never been a popular man, and this last year will only serve to cement most people's dislike of him. We can only hope people will realise just what he's done to protect them…"
McGonagall paused for a moment, lost in thought, before continuing. "In any case, I will require your help to retrieve several things from the office that I will need to fulfil my duties. I cannot even get the house-elves to get anything for me. As far as they're concerned, Severus is still master of this castle and they won't disobey any of his direct orders, most particularly any of those that involve his rooms. He seems to have been quite through in making sure there was no way around his instructions, although I've had no problems with getting them to cook and clean whenever I've asked them."
She sighed heavily. "I will have to set up another set of chambers and an office elsewhere, as I need to vacate mine for the new transfiguration teacher, whoever that will be.
Hermione said nothing in reply, although an idea had suddenly come to her regarding the clearing of Snape's name. She needed to speak to Harry.
"Getting back to the point," McGonagall continued. "I will be offering any student who wishes to do so the chance to sit their newts. Hopefully I can arrange an early sitting for those students who attended lessons over the last year, and those who didn't can resit the whole year. If you so wished I imagine you would be more than capable of taking the earlier exams."
The offer came as a complete surprise for Hermione, but she knew immediately she wanted to take the opportunity to gain her newts. If she was honest with herself it was to have something to occupy herself with, and a reason to stay in the castle as long as possible, more than a desire to complete her schooling. But taking the exams early would mean having to leave the castle in only a few months. She affected a worried look, hoping she could convince her teacher to let her stay for longer.
"I'd love to come back, but I don't think I could possibly sit my newts before next June. I've only covered the basic texts for seventh year, and I've done no practical work since last year. I'll need to review everything from last year before I can even start thinking about this year's work…"
McGonagall smiled knowingly at her. "I doubt that there is any question on any of the newts that you don't already know. You'll pass them all with flying colours I'm sure."
"But…"
"After you've completed your newts I assume you may wish to stay in the castle. I thought perhaps I could inform the Ministry I have taken you on as my assistant. I think considering the events of the last year and the state of the castle there would be more than enough reason for me to justify having someone to help me. You would of course have plenty of time to conduct your own… research. You might even consider studying for a mastery in one subject or another. I'm sure any of the Professors would be happy to assist you with whichever subject you chose. You would, of course, have an unlimited pass to the Restricted Section, on the condition that you inform Madam Pince before you read any book you are unfamiliar with. Would all this be acceptable to you?"
Hermione realised her mouth was hanging open and shut it with an audible click. "Are you ki…? I mean, yes, yes I'd love to, of course."
"McGonagall smiled tiredly. "I'm glad. I shall make arrangements for rooms, we can discuss exactly what will happen after you NEWTS another time, so you can have a chance to think about what you might like to do."
"I'd like to stay in Snape's rooms while I'm here? I'm not sure I'd be able to cope with the dorms… too many people, and not enough locks." She grimaced at the thought. "No one else can get in there anyway."
"That is not possible. You cannot stay in those rooms."
No… I want to be near him… "But I will need to use his lab and his library to figure out what went wrong with the antivenin. I might as well stay in his rooms anyway so I can work on that in the evenings.
"Miss Granger… Hermione… Under the circumstances I think it best if we find you some other rooms in the castle. We can't have people realising you can enter Severus's office while I am barred." She lifted a hand to stop Hermione as she opened her mouth object. "It would create too many problems with the Board of Governors, and in any case, we don't want anyone suspecting that he is still alive, for the moment at least."
"I could sneak in under a disillusionment charm, or even Harry's clock. He would lend it to me, I'm sure. I don't think I could cope with staying with the others, I want to be with him. And I will need to use his lab and his library to figure out what went wrong with the antivenin. So I might as well stay in his rooms anyway so I work on that in the evenings."
McGonagall sighed defeatedly. "You can use his rooms to research and brew, but only until the start of term, and you will have a room elsewhere that you will sleep in. If you haven't finished before lessons start you will have to move your work elsewhere. The castle will be quiet enough until the students come back, in that area at least as there is no work that needs doing. You must, however, stay hidden, either with a charm or with Potter's cloak if he will let you borrow it, and not let anyone see you as you go in and out. We're lucky no one besides you, him and Mr Weasley seem to know where you've been staying. It must stay that way."
Hermione said nothing, the disappointment curdling in her stomach unpleasantly.
"And while I'm on the subject of your friends, I must insist that before you start your research, you take a few days to visit the Burrow. You need to get away from the castle and take a few days to relax and rest."
"I don't think…"
McGonagall's expression was firm. "If you want to have access to Severus's rooms you will do this first. It is not good for you to be shut away from everyone. I'm not the only one who is worried about you. Potter may know part of your story, but not all, and he and the rest of your friends are concerned about your behaviour. You are not the only one who has been through a difficult time. Your friends need you just as much as you need them right now."
As McGonagall spoke Hermione could feel shame prickling at her for neglecting her friends. Harry had died and come back to life somehow, and she hadn't even bothered to get the whole story. The busyness of The Burrow was a scary prospect, however. Maybe Harry and Ron could come to her if she could find the right excuse to stay in the castle.
"But Severus…"
"…can wait. His return is not for another two years, and there is plenty of time to prepare. Those boys need you now."
Hermione slumped back in the chair defeated. She knew McGonagall wouldn't change her mind.
"Fine, I'll go today." That way I can get back here all the faster. "Was there anything else you wanted to speak to me about?"
"There is one more thing." McGonagall paused and looked across at Hermione with a serious expression. "I am concerned about how recent events have affected everyone, not just yourself but staff and other students too. Many of the older students fought in the battle, and have witnessed countless horrors. And this last year at Hogwarts hasn't been a picnic for anyone either, not with those two creatures that tried to pass themselves off as professors in charge of discipline.
"I have been making enquiries, and I plan to hire what I understand muggles call a… a psychiatrist... to supplement Poppy's excellent care. The wizarding world may not have felt the need for such a profession in the past, but I have been made aware of a few such doctors who are aware of our world, either because they are married to a witch or wizard, or because they are squibs themselves. Hopefully I can convince one of them to take up residence in the castle for the coming year, and ask them to start with the older students before working their way through the lower years."
Hermione was surprised McGonagall even knew what a psychiatrist was. "That sounds like a good idea. I can imagine there will be a lot of people who could benefit."
McGonagall could clearly see her confusion. "I do know more than most about the muggle world, although the last real contact I had with it was when my father died." She smiled wryly at Hermione's shocked face. "I guess there are very few nowadays who remember that I am a half-blood. I made my choice to leave that part of my heritage behind a long time ago. And it certainly wasn't a status I was likely to advertise this past year.
Her face was sad for a moment, and her thoughts seemed far away. Hermione took another sip of her tea as the silence stretched on. With a small shake of her head McGonagall returned to the conversation.
"Anyway, I was hoping to hire someone before the school reopens, as there are a few people who I am particularly worried about, and who I think need to speak to someone sooner rather than later. Pomona has been acting rather strangely, wandering the castle at all hours, Rolanda's been flying off the handle at the slightest provocation, and Irma doesn't seem to be talking to anyone except her books." Her eyes flicked up at Hermione. "And then there's you…"
"Me? What do you mean?"
McGonagall sighed quietly and set her teacup down on a table to one side of her chair. "Hermione, you have been involved in the fight against Voldemort for almost half your life, you've been cursed, and tortured, you've fought and seen death. You spent nine months on the run for your life from some of the vilest people the wizarding world has ever produced. And then there are the past two months to consider."
"I don't think I need…"
"Everyone in this castle will be spending time with whoever I hire, including myself. I will not take no for an answer on this. I will drag you to the appointments myself if you refuse as I have no desire to see the most brilliant mind I have seen pass through Hogwarts in all my years here go to waste, just because you were unlucky enough to have to live through a war before you even finished your schooling."
McGonagall's voice had risen at the end, her Scottish brogue coming through even stronger than usual. Hermione opened her mouth to refuse again, but at the look on her teacher's face she snapped it shut again. She knew she wouldn't be able to change her mind on this. I'll just be careful with what I say to the psychiatrist and hopefully she won't need to see me a second time.
When she nodded in acquiescence some of the tightness left McGonagall's face, and she leant back in her chair before picking up her empty cup again. She gestured to Hermione's own cup.
"More tea?"
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Memories of Deception