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Dignosco Perturbatio	By : KianaD Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1771 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
same warnings and disclaimer from chapter one apply. Still slashy, smutty, silly, and not beta'ed. Reviews would be nice, but I'm not forcing you. Enjoy. :D

Harry stared blankly at Draco for a few minutes. Expression completely unreadable because, well, he wasn't wearing one. Over and over he heard the words reply in his head like some sort of stuck record that refused to stop skipping, until eventually he thought that if he heard it one more time he was either going to throw up, or break something. As Draco was sitting right next to him, he may well have ended up being the broken party.
As it was, Harry shifted slightly, pulling his knees to his chest, back resting against the chair and eyes fixed unblinkingly on the roaring fire.
"Oh," he replied.
He wasn't sure what was going on. Wasn't sure what to make of any of it, although as his mind skipped over the events of the day he really should have seen it coming. There were small signs. The easy affection in the way Draco had touched Snape, and Snape allowing him to, him joining Draco in the bathroom, Lupin's quiet smile that contained a hint of amusement that Harry hadn't thought anything of at the time. Really, Harry felt like a bit of an idiot. Well more than a bit, really.
"So, what exactly is it you want from me then?" He knew his voice had taken on an icily detached tone, but really, under the circumstances Harry thought he was doing pretty well at controlling his temper. Or not so much his temper really because he wasn't angry, or disgusted; he just felt stupid and embarrassed and confused, and irrationally betrayed. Not so much by Malfoy, because, well he didn't owe Harry any explanations, but Lupin had spoken to him. Asked him what was going on, what Harry felt and all the while knowing. Truthfully, if Harry was angry at anyone, it was at him. But at the moment he couldn't even summon that properly, and so he continued to stare ahead of him blankly.
Given that Draco had expected to be tossed out on his arse, he really shouldn�t have been wounded at Harry�s tone, but he was. "I thought I already explained that," he replied quietly.
"Yeah, well as you were so kind to point out to me not to long ago, you are smarter than me. Cause see, with this new bit of information I'm sort of at a bit of a loss to understand exactly where I'm supposed to fit in with all this," he snapped back.
Harry knew he wasn't the smartest wizard in the world, and he'd never proclaimed to be. He had certain practical abilities yes, and maybe if he actually applied himself a bit more, thought about things in a more detached, logical manner instead of being so damned emotional all the time, than he would have been a better student. Truthfully, he wished he had been, because these were all skills that would have come in handy right about now; at least they would have, if he didn't currently feel as though his brain was leaking out of his ears due to the sheer velocity at which it was spinning inside his head.
"Perhaps so," Draco said with a mere shadow of a smirk. "Perhaps I am as well." He paused for a moment before letting out a breath of air. "Remus often calls Severus his other half of heart."
"Really," Harry replied as a small groan escaped his lips. "He always was a soppy git."
Removing his glasses, he cupped his face with his hands and rubbed at his eyes for a moment before withdrawing and allowing them to rest on his cheeks. This was a bloody nightmare. Not that he expected himself to wake up by the simple action of trying to rub himself awake, but it was worth a shot, and unsurprisingly he wasn't shocked to find that it didn't change anything.
"So, how does that work then? I mean, where'd you fit in?" He wasn't even sure why he was asking, except perhaps for some sort of morbid curiosity that demanded to be satisfied.
Draco gave Harry an indecipherable look his comment regarding Remus, but did not say anything about it, choosing to answer Harry�s question instead. "It started as damage control, I think," he said softly. "For me, I mean. If I had fallen apart after what had happened to Birget and Morrigan, I would have ruined everything Dumbledore and I had worked for."
"Fair enough," Harry shrugged, which really, it was.
Frankly, he was beginning to wonder if he had any right to be angry or upset at all. Until yesterday, there hadn't been anything between himself and Malfoy. And until a few minutes ago, Harry wasn't even entirely certain that there was anything other than a physical attraction between them. Really, what right did he have to be angry over whatever�arrangement he had with Lupin and Snape? Malfoy had done his duty, after all. Told him before anything�serious had happened between them, so what right did he have to react this way? Hell, he even said that he had told Snape what his intentions towards Harry were, and if he didn't care�
"And now?" he pressed, figuring that seeing how he knew this much he may as well get the full story.
"It is� comfortable, especially after long times at the Manor," Draco said with a shrug. "They belong together, and I am permitted a piece of that on occasion. While what they � have for me is different than that with each other, it is still something I treasure."
Harry gave his eyes a final rub before putting back his glasses and stretching his legs out in front of him.
"So it suits everyone rather well then." He announced matter-of-factly. "There's no problem then, is there."
"No, apparently not," Draco said, voice strangely subdued. "I�ll let myself out," he added as he stood.
"So that's how it is then is it?" Harry asked calmly as he raised his eyes to meet Malfoy's for the first time since his announcement. "You drop something like that on me. I try and understand, even though frankly I'm having a hell of a hard time getting my head around head, but when I fail to jump for joy and ask if I can play, you leave? Yeah, thanks for that. Remind me to return the favour sometime."
"You�re angry and God only knows what else with me, you can hardly stand to be civilised even in your tone, and quite frankly I have no intention of bearing myself further for no reason. I asked not for you to �jump with joy�, nor even your understanding. There are obvious reasons I haven�t said this to anyone before and your anger with me is one of those reasons. I trust your respect for Remus, should you still have any, is enough to keep you from spreading it about."
"Draco, sit down," Harry sighed, suddenly feeling quite tired. "Please."
Draco did not sit, but he did turn around and face Harry again. "Yes?" While his voice had none of Harry�s weariness it in, it was apparent in the lines of his face and the hold of his body.
Sighing again and shaking his head, Harry rose slowly to his feet instead, walking the few short steps that separated them and stopping at the other man's feet.
"Regardless of what happens from now on, there's no question of me saying anything to anyone," he began, eyes averted and staring at a particularly interesting segment of wallpaper. "Aside from anything else it isn't their business. But, just so you know I'm not angry with you." He brought his eyes to meet Malfoy's then, weary gaze meeting weary gaze, and at that moment Harry has this inexplicable urge to just curl up on the bed next to Draco and just sleep, just like the had the previous night.
"I know it wasn't easy for you to tell me, but I appreciate the fact that you did," he continued softly, his brow furrowing as he desperately sought out the words to explain what he was thinking and how he was feeling without making things worse.
"It wouldn't bother me if I� well, if I didn't care I suppose. I wouldn't be bothering trying to understand, shifting around everything I ever thought about relationships and couples and how things are supposed to be to try and accommodate this rather bizarre situation so that we can� hell, I don't know. All I do know is that I want you. Not quite sure how in the hell this is going to work though and frankly trying to figure it out is doing my head in."
Draco felt a bit of his ache and fatigue drain at Harry�s words. Not just that Harry wanted him, but that he said he was trying to figure it out, to understand what Draco was saying, and what it meant. He was worried that he might give Harry too much to think about at once though, and his last statement added to that. "Do you want me to explain?"
Harry pulled a face as he nodded, walking back towards one of the vacant chairs and flopping heavily down into it. "Yeah. Explanations would help."
Draco also sat down again, this time closer to the fire and half-facing Harry. "It is much like life, I suppose. You have ideas how things should work, implanted into you by upbringing or society, or even lack of knowledge. And no that wasn�t a dig either," he said absently. "This is much like that. It does not fit what most people know, nor is it conventional, but nor is it wrong. Of course, nor I am conventional, but that adds merely little to it, I suppose.
"Most people would react the same, if not worse, than you. �Relationship� falls under many different designations but if you ask anyone, they will say �two people in love.� Never mind that what I had with Charlie, Pansy, or even Birget were relationships, but I can assure you none of us were in love with the other.
"Nor does it mean that I am in love with Severus or Remus. I do� care for them, and a great deal. It does not mean they are not in love with each other either, because they are very much so. They are both aware of each other, aware of me. There are neither lies nor deceit, which rules out the usual feelings of discord that a clandestine affair would create.
"That is not to say it is merely about sex, either. If it were, I daresay people, true to their baser nature, would understand that. Moreover, it would be allowed as well, better even than anything with an emotional tag, because emotional means thoughts. It means not having your body taken over, not having your instincts and actions driven by lust. And people do not understand that, and, of course, you have something akin to �I hope all the Mudbloods die because they are worthless�."
Harry listened intently as Draco spoke, making no move to interrupt but focusing entirely on each word and allowing his somewhat frazzled brain to attempt to soak up the information as best as it could.
Once Draco had fallen silent, he nodded slightly as he propped his elbow on the arm of his chair, allowing his head to rest against the palm of his hand.
"Okay," he said finally, voice quiet and thoughtful as he chewed absently on his lip. "If you are all happy with the situation and it works for you, then there isn't really a problem is there?" He echoed his sentiments from before, but with none of the hostility that had been present then.
"It just�well I mean�if you're with them, sort of, then what's this?" he asked, waving his hand between them. "I'm not sure I understand what it is you want from me."
Several years ago, Draco might have just given in to temptation and hexed Harry where he sat for asking that. The one thing he was not entirely certain of and yet he now had to give voice to it.
He answered Harry�s question first, raising his eyes to the other man and giving him another, very small, smirk. "Normally I would say you have been there before, but given that your choice of partners past has been less worthy of a flobberworm never mind you or I, I will allow for explanation. This, Harry, is attraction. And�"
He faltered here, wondering if he ought to hex Harry anyway, or at least kiss him into forgetfulness.
"Because I do not belong with Remus or Severus. They belong with each other. It is not that I do not care for them, because as I have stated several times over, I do. More than most anyone, I do. But, they belong to each other only and that is not something I can share in."
"Right�" Harry replied even as his felt his cheeks flush under Draco's admission. Not that he didn't already know that they were attracted to one another. He wasn't that stupid, after all. But still, he could never quite get used to hearing him say it, and every time he did it was almost as though Harry were hearing the words for the first time. It was strange�in a pleasant sort of way.
He completely dismissed Draco's appraisal of his previous partners, having to agree with him on most counts. However, the fact that the other man was so vocal about his disapproval caused the corners of Harry's mouth to quirk slightly in something that was almost a quiet sort of satisfaction. Oliver Wood, after all, wasn't all that bad. The others sure, but Oliver was actually a pretty good-looking guy and worthy of a lot more than a flobberworm.
Realigning his face into a neural expression, Harry continued.
"Okay�" he replied, letting out a long, slow breath. "So what now? I mean I'm assuming there is a reason you are telling me all this. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't have�just that�well, something must have prompted it."
Draco, again, briefly considered reaching for his wand and cursing Harry before running from the room. Had he not come this far and had he not been feeling rather proud of himself for his daring this far, he might have. Just might have.
Although, Draco did have to admit there was a stimulation, a certain thrill, in having been so intrepid.
"No Potter, I didn�t just tell you for no reason," he drawled. "But we can retrace this together, shall we? I make a point of saying I am interested and attracted to you, ask how you think of it, and then bring up a rather personal, relationship matter. Obviously, I wish to shag you absolutely rotten, although the significance of making sure to tell you about Severus and Remus would indicate that perhaps I would care for more than a casual fuck, wouldn�t you agree?"

Harry was gob smacked; absolutely and completely stunned into total and utter silence. He didn't have a clue how to react, what to say, or even where to start trying to figure out how he was supposed to deal with this.

Breathing, he thought vaguely through the haze that had fallen over his mind. Breathing would be a good place to start, and he did so; letting out the breath he had been holding, and taking in a few deep, slow ones to replenish his starving lungs.
After a few moments, and feeling that he had managed to recover enough of his composure to attempt an answer, Draco obviously requiring one as Harry would have himself had the situations been reversed, Harry inclined his head slightly in a gentle nod,
"Yeah, it would�" he managed to choke out, suddenly feeling rather restless and rising to his feet, disconcerted somewhat to discover that his legs had turned into jelly causing him to wobble slightly as he stood.
Bringing his eyes to meet Draco's, Harry offered the other man a feeble, but nevertheless warm smile, suddenly concerned that he might take his silence the wrong way and assume that Harry didn't reciprocate, which wasn't in fact the truth at all. He was just�well�shell-shocked, a bit; his mind having to process more revelations and information that they had been required too in a long time, and frankly he was still reeling a bit.
Draco was partly amused by Harry�s obvious mental chaos, and he chuckled softly to himself. Still, he realised that given the turmoil in his own mind, he doubted Harry was any better off. "Shall I go now and let you work on stopping the mental leak?" he asked with a small grin, recalling Harry�s confession that Draco was doing his head in. "I can come back tomorrow."
Harry shook his head fervently, a frown wrinkling his brow. He wasn't sure of much but he did know he didn't want Draco to leave. It wasn't as though him going would help Harry process what was going on any better; in fact at least if he was here, if Harry had a question he could ask him.
"No," he replied assuredly. "Unless of course you want to. You have had a long day after all�"
Draco merely nodded at Harry and turned his attention back to the fire, leaving Harry to assume that he planned to stay, which caused him to smile slightly.
The silence, punctuated only by the gentle and continual crackle of the fire in the hearth, wasn't exactly what Harry would call comfortable, but then they both had a lot to think about. Given how guarded Draco was about his thoughts and feelings, Harry knew that it couldn't have been easy for him to tell him what he had. Any of it. He had a fair idea that Harry wasn't going to respond favourably to it, and if his reaction upon finding out about Snape and Lupin was anything to go by, Harry couldn't really have blamed him. Yet, he had done it anyway and he'd worked hard at trying to help Harry to understand.
His legs a little steadier now, Harry slowly made his way to where Draco sat, falling slowly to his knees as he sat in front of the other man, and just looked.
Even in the dim light of the room, Harry felt his breath hitch slightly at just how perfect Draco looked. The glow of the fire was reflected in normally ice cool eyes, causing them to twinkle, shine, and emanate warmth that Harry could tell didn't only come from the particles of light reflecting off them. Usually pale skin was flushed slightly under the heat of the flames; not enough to redden but only to add the faintest tinge of pink over smooth cheeks, which Harry then gently ran the back of his fingers over, smiling softly.
It was something that he never thought he would be allowed to do. Malfoy had always been so cold, distant and aloof and seemingly so full of venomous hate when it came to anything about Harry, that the mere thought of being able to do this; to be able to touch, and caress and simply be with him, had never crossed his mind for more than a fleeting moment. But it didn't matter because somehow, through a series of events or thought processes or whatever else could be responsible for this complete metamorphosis, Harry was here, and he was doing those things and he realised then that he'd wanted to do them for such a long time but just never allowed himself to think it.
His hand moving slowly from Draco's cheek, Harry trailed it around the back of his neck, fingertips barely skating the surface of the skin as it came to rest at the nape, his fingers tangling in the hair that was there. His other hand rose, gently brushing aside an uncharacteristically errant lock from Draco's face, Harry's smile widening at the audacity of said lock to dare move away from its intended spot.
"Perfect," he whispered as his eyes slowly trailed over luminescent skin to meet Draco's gaze again.
"Flattering your way into my bed now, Potter?" Draco teased quietly as he turned to face Harry.
"Maybe," Harry replied, the smile on his lips fading to a ghostly apparition of what it was before as the pad of his thumb gently brushed against Draco's cheek. "It working?"
"If I let you into my bed after one compliment, would that make me easy?"
"You've already let me into your bed remember," Harry said, laughing softly to himself as he continued to twine silky strands of hair around his fingers. "Think it's a little late to be worried about appearing easy now. But then, this is my room and my bed, and seeing how you haven't complimented me at all, I think it would make us even."
"I have too," Draco replied as haughtily as he could manage. Given that Harry�s fingers felt like heaven in his hair, it was not managed well at all. "I said your �just-been-shagged� look was in."
"Oh, that was a compliment was it?" Harry grinned as one brow arched in amusement. "Sorry, my mistake. I thought you were just complaining about my wild and unruly appearance."
"Are you saying you presume to know what I am thinking?" Draco asked with a smirk. "As I recall, things didn�t go well for you the last time you did that."
"Oh no," Harry replied, shaking his head in mock consternation. "That wouldn't be very clever of me would it? No, I just meant that I must have misunderstood your particular choice of words, that's all."
"Oh please, Potter. Unlike you, I don�t go slumming." Draco raised a brow at the other man, mischief evident on his face. "At least you finally showed some taste."
"I've always had taste," Harry replied slightly petulantly. "Just certain�options weren't available to me at the time so I had to make do with what I could."
"Right," Draco said in obvious disbelief. "You have taste, you just never exercised it before. Oh, pardon me. You did not have certain options. What options, anyway?"
"You for one," Harry replied seriously, a little bemused over why he felt the need to bring this up now, when really it didn't matter anymore. However, he couldn't silence the little voice in his head that kept insisting on trying to make him explain and justify his treatment of Draco while they were in school.
"I'm not blind, you know." He continued with a slight shrug. "It isn't as though I never noticed you, I just�didn't think about it much. There didn't really seem any point."
"You fucked Terry Boot, so you at least have selective vision," Draco retorted. This, all of this, would have been a lot easier drunk, never mind that he had just been suddenly given a glimpse of what could have been. Harry�s admission had him reeling, although he did feel somewhat pleasantly surprised by it as well. "Although I do suppose I deserved that after all I have dropped on you today, hmm?"
Harry's let out a small, mirthless laugh at that. It had to be one of the biggest understatements of the year for sure. He couldn't remember a time when so many bombshells had landed on his lap in a seemingly consecutive fashion.
"Today. Yesterday. Really, I rather feel like an avalanche has hit me; but it's okay, I'm glad you told me. All of it." he smiled reassuringly. "Things are a little�clearer now, sort of anyway. There's still a lot I don't understand. Implications we haven't discussed. And you say I see things only in black and white," he snorted softly. "Absolutely nothing black and white about this set up, I assure you."
Draco let out a deep breath at that. "Whisky?"
"One of your better ideas," Harry grinned, reluctantly dropping his hands and shifting to sit on the floor properly, grimacing slightly at the loss of feeling in his feet that he hadn't even noticed until he tried to move them.
"Pardon me while I go pilfer then," Draco said as he stood. "I might be a few moments, but I will try not to take too long."
- 11
- 12
- 13
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Dignosco Perturbatio