Sing for Me, Cry for Me

12. That’s What Friends Are For.


“Ron? Is that you?” asked Harry in a daze still feeling Lucius’ kiss on his lips.

“And who else would be guarding your beauty sleep?” asked Ron’s irritated voice.

“What are you doing?” queried Harry watching as Ron was getting into his bed closing the curtains behind.

“Me? What are you doing falling out of nowhere in the break of dawn?”

“How do you know I was falling?” demanded Harry automatically reaching for his ring. (Still here. Maybe I can leave it as a memory of what wasn’t supposed to happen.)

“Well, let’s see. I was sitting at the foot of your bed waiting for you to return from Merlin knows where. Suddenly I hear a thud coming from your bed. I open the curtains and look what I’ve found. You! Sitting in the middle of the bed looking absolutely out of it like a kitten whose milk was taken away.”

Harry groaned.

“Thank you very much for your metaphor but there’s nothing wrong with me I’m just tired…”

“Well, no wonder here. Where have you been all through the night?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Ron snorted:

“Yeah, right.”

“What time is it now?”

“About four in the morning.”

“Four?”

“Yes.” said Ron exaggerating his answer with a sigh.

“Harry, where have you been?”

“Doesn’t matter I told you.”

“I thought we were friends…”

“We are Ron, we are and will be if you just wait till morning.”

“It is morning!”

“You know what I mean.”

Harry looked at Ron with pleading eyes of a person who wouldn’t handle anymore.

“Please, Ron.”

And Ron knew that he had to give up because he couldn’t torment his friend further and the look that Harry sent his way was more than enough, but still he couldn’t help asking:

“Something happened?”

“What gives you such an idea?”

Ron pointed at Harry’s face:

“You’ve got tear trails down your cheeks.”

“Maybe.” shrugged Harry.

“Has someone hurt you?” continued asking Ron with the determination of a person who would go and fight all the foes if Harry told him that someone indeed hurt him.

Harry smiled wearily:

“Not today.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” questioned Ron in bewilderment.

“Go to sleep Ron. I promise we will talk tomorrow. And please. Don’t wake me up. I don’t feel like attending classes tomorrow.”

“And how about your master plan to beat Hermione?”

“I’m giving her a start.”

“She had seven years of a start.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll take her down a peg or two or three. Goodnight, mother Ron. Thank you for guarding my beauty sleep. Maybe you’ll sing me a lullaby?”

A pillow thrown his way met the suggestion.

“Well, maybe not.” stated Harry laughing.

Ron just shook his head.

“Night. But tomorrow we’ll talk.”

“Mhh…” murmured Harry already asleep.



***
It was early when Harry woke up but he couldn’t sleep anymore. He was tossing and turning but sleep wouldn’t come. He sat up, rubbed his eyes and sighed heavily. Lucius. Lucius. Lucius. How am I supposed to forget you? How am I supposed to forget this night. Funnily how you made me forget about the other night but this one. This one was special. See? Harry held a finger to catch a tear that was running down. I cry for you Lucius. And I sing for you Lucius. And I live for you Lucius.

Llama, no importa la hora que estoy aqui
Entre las cuatro paredes de mi habitacion
Y es importante al menos decirte
Que esto de tu ausencia duele y no sabes cuanto
Ven aparece tan solo comunicate
Que cada hora es un golpe de desolacion
Es demasiado aburrido no estar a tu lado
Ven que mi alma no quiere dejarte ir
Que los minutos me acechan
Aquie todo es gris
Que alrededor todo es miedo y desesperanza
Ven que nunca imaginaba como era estar sola
Que no es nada facil cuando te derrotan
Que no se que hacer, y aqui no queda nada de nada

No me ensenaste como estar sin ti
Y que lo digo yo a este corazon
Si tu te has ido y todo lo perdi
Por donde empiezo si todo acabo
No me ensenaste como estar sin ti
Como olvidarte si nunca aprendi…
(Thalia “No me ensenaste”)

“Shh! Haven’t I warned you not to sing!” hissed Ron in his ear out of nowhere.

“Gee! Ron! Don’t you dare frighten me like that ever again! You almost gave me a heart attack! And what is that new habit of yours to jump into my bed every time?”

“Oh, shut up!” yelled Ron throwing a pillow at Harry.

“Ooh, another nasty habit of yours. But honestly, Ron do you think I can fall in love with Dean or Seamus or Neville?”

“No, but they might feel it and then they will babble everyone about it.”

“Ron, it’s ridiculous I very much doubt that either Dean or Seamus knows about that legend of yours and as for Neville he will keep quite.”

“And still be careful…By the way you promised a talk.”

“Don’t you have classes to attend or something.”

“No, today I’m taking a day off.” announced Ron resolutely.

“And why is that?”

“Well, to help my best friend to heal his wounds of course.”

“To heal wounds?”

“Remember, you broke up with Hermione yesterday?”

“Oh, right! And now I’m spending the whole day in my bed licking my wounds with my faithful friend by my side. Isn’t it touching.”

“Indeed. So if no one hurt you yesterday again, why does than heart ache?”

“It aches?”

“Yes it does.”

“Don’t worry, Ron, it’s another sort of ache.”

“Harry, who are we talking about?”

“You don’t want to know and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Harry?”

“Lucius Malfoy.” said Harry pressing his head into his pillow.

Ron shook his head.

“Harry, I just thought that you said Lucius Malfoy.”

Harry raised his head.

“I did.”

“But what has got Lucius Malfoy to do with anything?”

“Everything.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you spent the night with Lucius Malfoy?” yelled Ron.

“Aren’t we smart. I knew you would be like that.” said Harry with disappointment on the verge of tears, “I knew you would start yelling and drawing wrong conclusions, I knew you wouldn’t give me a chance to explain, I knew you wouldn’t understand and I definitely knew that I won’t find comfort and compassion with you. I knew you won’t be my best friend for long!” said Harry pouting.

“Slow down Harry, I promised to be your friend. I promised to be your best friend. I promised to always be by your side. And damn it I will prove to you that you can count on me even if the matter is about…. Lucius Malfoy.”

“Ooh, it’s so sweet!” cooed Harry clapping his hands.

“Bloody funny. Before we continue I just want to make sure that we are talking about the same person. Lucius Malfoy like in Draco Malfoy’s father?”

Harry nodded.

“Like in ex-Death Eater?”

Harry nodded.

“Like in the person who put Tom Riddle’s diary in Ginny’s book?”

Harry nodded.

“Like in the person who almost killed you when you freed his house-elf?”

Harry nodded.

“Like in the person who wanted to get Dumbledore and Hagrid sacked?”

Harry nodded.

“Like in the person who wanted to get Buckbeak executed?”

Harry nodded.

“Oh, I see. Good. So what’s the story?”

Harry looked at Ron in utter disbelief. He put his hand on Ron’s forehead.

“Ron are you all right? Maybe we should take you to Madame Pomfrey?”

“Harry, if that’s what it takes to be your best friend than so be it. But I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again. And if I will be the one to hurt you I give you full right to pay me back in the most painful way you consider the best.”


After a long pause Harry finally said:

“I don’t know what to say. I’m impressed. This new attitude of yours freaks me out a bit but I am grateful to you for being here with me because frankly speaking I am in deep shit right now. And I don’t know what to do. Like you said I’m a kitten whose milk was taken away and I don’t know if I will ever get it back.”

Harry drew a shuddering breath:

“It all started on Friday when I got that detention from Snape…”

***
Ron was thinking frantically. Harry told him everything starting with the reason of his detention to his rape and up to the night at Malfoy Manor. Harry told him about his feelings for the man, which now were on the verge of die for you love. Ron simply couldn’t believe that after all that Harry had to live through he had to face another trial. But from what he understood it wasn’t as simple as that and there was more meaning to it all that met the eye. He looked at Harry who shrank away from him as far as possible with head bent down to his chest trembling all over as if waiting for a blow. Ron was sure if Harry would sing now a song he wouldn’t be able to handle it just like those poor people in the legend who died simply because their hearts were too happy for such intense feeling of absolute raw pain. He needed to reassure Harry. That’s why he started carefully inching towards him and before Harry could get his wits about him he was tightly wrapped in Ron’s arms. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t make him flinch. He didn’t remember Ron ever hugging him before and if he wasn’t so frightened of Ron’s reaction he would have laughed out loud. He somehow could feel the uncomfortable feeling coursing through Ron, the feeling that was battling with the feeling of deep concern and affection for his friend and as far as Harry could see the feelings for his friend were winning any hesitations and uncertainties that Ron might have. And Harry was immensely grateful for Ron’s support. It made him feel a lot better and happier and he embraced Ron in return. It wasn’t the same as being with Lucius but it was good in friends like way. It made him smile and he couldn’t keep his chuckle inside. Ron looked up:

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. I just never imagined Ron Weasley behaving like that.”

Ron scowled.

“Thank you, Ron. It means a lot to me. And you really made me feel better. As I understand from your reaction you’re not mad at me?” asked Harry with only minor trepidation.

“Mad at you? Harry! I am mad at the world for being cruel to you! I’m mad at Draco Malfoy for molesting you! I’m mad at Snape for giving you detention and leaving you there alone till midnight! I'm mad at Lucius bloody Malfoy for raping you and making you feel that way. And I am more than mad at him for keeping you in the dark as to why he did it and why you feel that way. But I am not, I cannot be mad at you. Because you are the most innocent person in all these circumstances.”

“Ron, you truly scare me. Since when did you become so profound? Have you swallowed a book on psychology or what?”

“Funny, Harry, but I think it’s you who affected me this ways. And I want and need to be your friend because when you were so far away it was hell and I don’t want to lose you again.”

“Thank you. And if you have any questions… I mean it was me who was talking hours on end with you listening in total silence. You must have some questions. Now that I know that I can trust you I’m sure your questions won’t hurt me.”

“If you want to, Harry. I really don’t want to rush you into admitting things.”

“It’s OK. Some things are good to admit.”

“Ok than. Do you love him?”

“Don’t bother with preamble I see.”

Ron shrugged his shoulders:

“It’s like you said some things are good to admit.”

“I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. All I know is when I see him I feel safe and calm. When he’s near I know nothing and no one can harm me but he and still he has the power to heal me even from the wounds he inflicted himself. I melt into him when he’s near. I love his voice. And he’s gorgeous. I like his ways cruel or kind. Though they are usually combined. And he treats me good. Even when he raped me, I know that it could have felt much worse. And his behavior was almost loving. And deep down I liked every bit of it. Just like he said yesterday. I seem to know only his faults, but I’m sure he’s got something good inside. He can’t be all that bad. He’s not when he’s with me.”

“Well…” said Ron after a pause, “I can say with full certainty that the answer to my question is positive.”

“I guess and he saved me from Granger.”

“Indeed. A knight in golden armour.”

“Silver. I’d say silver.”

Ron rolled his eyes.

“Whatever.”

“But Ron I can’t understand him. What does he mean when he says that it had to be done and that I have to find the answers on my own?”

“Well, I think it means what it means. I’m sure you’ll find the answers. Maybe it will take some time, but you will.”

“Do you think he loves me? I mean he says it so simple. Like it’s the most natural thing for him to love me. Can it be true? And why would he love me at all?” whispered Harry morosely.

“Well, there are millions of reasons to love you, though I really can’t say for Lucius Malfoy.”

“I like singing for him,” continued Harry dreamily, “he asked me to sing for him yesterday…”

“And you sang?” asked Ron reproachfully.

“Yes. Ron, yesterday I didn’t think that I loved him, I even not so sure now, but he hasn’t left me yet, though he kissed me after it.”

“He kissed you?”

“Well, yes and as you might have noticed I keep on singing.”

“I have noticed all right. One more song in my presence and my heart will explode.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s not really your fault. It’s the way you are. And when your feelings are too much you pour them out in your own way. It’s not your fault that you affect people nearby.”

“Thanks for support and understanding.”

“That’s what friends are for” answered Ron pompously.

“And stop freaking me out with this attitude of yours.”

“It’s hard to please you.”

“But of course.”

“He’s rubbing off on you.”

“Oh, shut up!” said Harry throwing his pillow at Ron who tried to duck away but unfortunately fell on the floor.

Harry laughed:

“It seems he’s not the only one.”

“You’ll pay for that!” roared Ron and so the pillow fight of the century began.


***

Neither Harry nor Ron knew how much time they acted like five-year-olds but the result was only too visible all through the dorm.

“I think we need Dobby.”