A Matter of Circumstance

Chapter 12 ~ Soul Searching

When Hermione awoke the next morning, the terrible dream with Ron was still fresh in her mind. She knew it was only a nightmare…nothing set in stone, but the possibility was set firmly in her psyche.

As horrible as it was, it could still happen.

Using the floo, she ordered her breakfast from the kitchens. She wasn’t particularly hungry…she never was when troubled and could barely keep anything down. But she had the baby to think about, the tiny life growing inside her. She had to make sure it was well-nourished. Just because she was going through difficult times was no reason to make her unborn child suffer.

She ordered a bit of toast with jam and a few slices of bacon and tea. That should hold her over. Then she would head into the sub-dungeons and spend the morning sorting through records, which she loved. It was so interesting and would serve the dual purpose of not dwelling on a situation that needed dwelling on.

At least, that was her intention at first. But as she thought about the dream, she began to weigh the possible impact of what she was doing. What her lies could possibly bring about.

Hermione in her normal state was quite straight-forward and honest. However, now she was desperate. Most likely she had conceived a child by a man that didn’t love her…a child that needed a name and a family to love it. She couldn’t count on Severus for this. He had already stated she would raise the child alone should she have it.

So she had turned to Ron. Sweet, trusting, loyal Ron. She had felt this was the answer, at least before her dream last night. To be honest, she understood the dream-Ron’s anger toward her, even the reaction. But when he walked toward Cassia’s bedroom pulling his belt from his loops, the terrible possibilities became real.

So now, she sat at her desk with a blank piece of parchment before her. She wasn’t sure if she could pen what she needed to tell Ron, but it needed to be told. She wasn’t sure if she would give the missive to the wizard, but she needed it get it out…to express herself and tell the truth of the matter, regardless of how much it hurt.

Whether or not she gave it to him, at least it would be out.

Hermione sat at her desk, quill poised over the blank parchment, unable to start the letter. She sat there for more than half an hour before deciding she needed to leave the dungeons, step out into the light of day and consider what was in her heart. She threw on her cloak and put the parchment, quill and ink into her pocket…intending on leaving and considering her situation on the open grounds of Hogwarts.

She exited her rooms and walked up the dungeon corridor, glancing at the Potions Master’s closed office door for a moment. He would be in class now. It was just as well…she didn’t want to see him.

She turned and headed toward the main doors, then out on to the grounds, heading for the lake. The disturbing dream about Ron beating her came back to her. Could he really turn into that wizard? If he did, wouldn’t that be her fault for misleading him?

Yes. Yes, it would be.

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Severus met with his first class of the day admirably, browbeating them, taking points and giving them their assignments in his usual manner, though the nightmare of the night before was still fresh in his mind.

He needed to see Hermione and talk to her about this situation and his responsibility toward the child. It wasn’t something easy for him to consider, but after the nightmare of last night…it was better to be safe than sorry.

When Severus left his office, he had intended to see Hermione before he saw Ron, who was walking down the corridor and heading toward the witch’s room. It was almost lunch time and Severus had an hour and a half before his next class. Since Mr. Weasley was here, he took the opportunity to speak to him.

“Mr. Weasley, may I have a moment?” the Potions Master asked, pulling his robes around himself as Ron approached him and blocking his path.

Ron paused.

”What do you want, Professor? I’m on my way to see Hermione,” Ron said, frowning slightly.

“I wanted to ask you your opinion about a possible scenario, Mr. Weasley. Since you are soon to be wed, I thought that your response would be…enlightening,” Severus purred at him, “It will only take a moment…I assure you.”

“What kind of scenario?” Ron snapped.

Ron wasn’t wild about Professor Snape, but was curious as to what the wizard could want his opinion about. Snape didn’t seem as if he cared about anyone’s opinion but his own.

”Let us say two people are betrothed to be married, and one potential spouse cheats on the other before the nuptials. Do you think this is grounds for stopping the marriage?” the Professor asked him, his dark eyes glittering.

Ron looked at the wizard in horror. How the fuck did he know about what happened with Lavender?

”No! No I don’t. It could have been a last fling or something. It doesn’t matter as long as they are loyal to each other once they do marry!” he said vehemently

Professor Snape blinked at Ron. He would have never believed the redhead would be so…accepting of such an act of obvious betrayal.

”Do you mean to say, Mr. Weasley that the potential spouse should be forgiven for committing such an act?” the wizard pressed, one eyebrow arched at him.

”Yes, I am,” Ron said, “In fact, it’s something that doesn’t even need to be discussed. If it happened before the marriage, it should be kept out of it completely. It doesn’t matter,” Ron said rather desperately.

Damn. Was Snape going to tell Hermione about his infidelity?

Severus shook his head. So Weasley could deal with the fact that Hermione was less than loyal to him during their engagement? The Potions Master didn’t believe that for a moment. Ron was a hothead and the smallest wrong could set him off like a muggle bomb. Something else was going on here.

Severus narrowed his eyes at the wizard. Ron met his gaze nervously.

Then Severus knew.

Ron wasn’t answering with Hermione in mind…but himself. So, Mr. Weasley was playing cock-tag with some other witch. How interesting. How very, very interesting.

“I see. Thank you for your opinion, Mr. Weasley. It was very eye-opening,” the Potions Master said, turning.

Ron watched the wizard open his office and enter, giving him a knowing look before closing the door.

Damn Snape. If he said anything to Hermione…he’d…he’d… Hell, he didn’t know what he’d do.

The wizard sighed and walked down to Hermione’s room and knocked on the door several times. There was no answer. She was probably working in the subdungeons. Well, he wouldn’t bother her. She was probably very busy. That’s what Ron told himself at least. The truth was he wasn’t looking forward to seeing her, afraid she’d know immediately he’d done something wrong. Ron walked back to Snape’s office and knocked on the door. It was pulled open immediately.

“Yes, Mr. Weasley?” Severus purred at him.

”Could I get a piece of parchment and quill from you so I can leave Hermione a note letting her know I came by?” Ron asked him.

“Certainly, Mr. Weasley,” Severus purred, opening the door wider and walking around his desk. Ron approached it as the wizard slid a piece of parchment and quill across to him.

The Potions Master watched Ron write a message on the parchment. The redhead thanked him and left the office, walking down to Hermione’s door and pinning the folded parchment to it with his wand. Then he left.

Severus stuck his head out the door and watched Ron walk until he turned into the man hall. The wizard quickly swooped down to Hermione’s door and plucked the message off of it, sticking it in his pocket.

”It seems your intended skived off on you today, Miss Granger. How insensitive,” he said to himself silkily, returning to his office. He sat down at his desk, retrieved the parchment from his pocket and opened Ron’s letter, reading it.

He smirked at the contents.

”Hm. So you want to wait to arrange the next ceremony because people will need time to make arrangements to attend. Well, that sounds fine on paper, Mr. Weasley…but is that the real reason for the wait? I doubt it,” the wizard mused.

He placed the parchment on his desk, then with a flick of his wand, turned it to ash, which he then scourgified.

So much for Mr. Weasley’s message.

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Link Here for Interactive Music: http://www.theburningpen.com/circumstance/unwritten.m3u

Hermione walked down to the edge of the lake and stood there for a moment, staring out across the water, watching the rippling surface. It had a soothing effect on her. Then she felt a sudden movement in her lower belly. She was four months now. She lowered her hand to the small bulge and caressed it.

”Cassia. That’s a pretty name,” she said softly.

Up to this point, she hadn’t even considered giving her child a name. It was just “the baby” up until last night…as if an impersonal “thing” was growing inside her…a thing that had to be housed and cared for. But now…now it was something more…a person, a being that would have his or her own life and experiences. It was up to Hermione to make sure that those experiences would be good.

Good for her child. Not “the baby.”

Hermione sat down on a low stone and removed the parchment, quill and bottle of ink from her pocket. She needed to write down her thoughts and get them in order. She sat there, her mind a blank, then looked up at the wide expanse of sky above her. It was limitless…uncontained…expanding forever beyond what was seen. There was always something more than what was seen…and no matter what she wrote down, the truth was there would be something left unwritten.

Hermione realized that she needed to face her mistakes head on and not draw Ron into this, at least…not without his knowledge. He probably wouldn’t want to marry her once he found out the baby she carried was the Potions Master’s…but at least she wouldn’t have trapped him into marriage based on a lie.

She faltered as she thought about what Mrs. Weasley would say…what everyone would say. Even Harry. Well, she’d know for sure who her friends were when this was all over. Even if everyone turned away, she’d still be all right. She would manage. She could raise her child alone if she had to. There was wizarding day care, and her mother and father. They’d be supportive, though her father would most likely want to beat the Potions Master to death for not facing his responsibilities.

But, this was her responsibility too and right now, it seemed as if it were hers alone. But Hermione was used to facing adversity. She had no idea now why she thought marrying Ron was the answer.

She needed to really feel the rain that fell on her skin the day of their wedding, to feel it and know it was a kind of sign and to act on the warning. She had to face the world on her terms, her own terms as a witch and a woman.

The hell with Severus Snape. She didn’t need him beyond the pleasure he gave her.

Hermione sighed. She knew that wasn’t true. The Potions Master had her heart and she loved him passionately, but that love would never be returned the way she wanted. It simply wasn’t in the wizard to love.

But Severus Snape was attracted to her, very strongly. No doubt he would continue to be attracted. They could go on the way they were for a while. Who knew? Maybe he would one day take an interest in his child if he were going to be around her. If Severus had planned to be in the wings when she married Ron, then Hermione had no reason to believe he wouldn’t be there if she were a single mother.

But how there? If things were tight, would he help her financially? He said he wouldn’t but maybe he would be moved to anyway. If she knew one thing about Severus Snape, he did have a sense of duty. He didn’t care if people thought he were reprehensible…because in all actuality he wasn’t. But if he refused to take care of his child…he would be and Hermione thought the idea of that wouldn’t sit well with the wizard. He was a proud if cold man after all.

Hermione wasn’t sure if her perceptions of “the real” Severus Snape were correct, but she couldn’t let him dictate the course her life would take regardless of his participation or lack of it. She had almost made a huge mistake concerning Ron.

It was as if the clouds suddenly parted and the sun illuminated Hermione's entire world, shedding light on the truth of the matter. She she knew what to do now.

She couldn’t marry Ron. She didn’t love him enough even if he would accept Severus' child. He deserved someone who returned his love properly. Hermione knew a lot people were going to judge her harshly for what she was about to do, but at least she would be able to live with herself

Hermione opened the bottle of ink, dipped her quill into it and began to write on the parchment, knowing this was only the introduction to her story.

Eris sat on a boulder nearby. She had been listening in on Hermione’s thoughts.

”Good girl,” the goddess said with a smile, kicking her leg.

Eris knew what few understood.

Facing difficulty required soul-searching and honesty before any solution could be found. Right action was the only way to deal with it. Strife and discord were necessary evils that if met and overcome made a person stronger, whether god or mortal.

The witch was finally showing her strength.

Eris’ eyes narrowed.

Now, what about that bastard Snape?

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A/N: Finally another chappie. Sorry for the wait and thanks for reading.

A/N/N: I just wanted to let readers on AFF.net to know that on my website (http://www.theburningpen.com) I have a collection of "Naughty Snippets" which are short PWPs that end with an animated lemon rather than a description. Access to the animated Snippets are available with a donation of your choice, but the Snippets themselves can be read for free without the animation, since this is fanfic. The donation is for the original animated work I've done, and will be used to help with bills. The username and password will be sent along with a copy of the receipt to the email address the donation came from. Thanks. ***