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Struggling Through New Beginnings	By : HarryGinny4eva Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 31233 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Spoilers - I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 12

Hermione put down her glass and continued to scan her schedule as she ate her
breakfast. For most of the morning her table had been almost silent. At first
the other students had talked with each other about their new rooms, and all
the other changes. But, each time they tried to ask either Blaise or Hermione a
question, they were ignored or spoken to tersely, respectively. The tension
between the two finally got to everyone, and they simply stopped speaking.

Hermione had seen Draco almost run from the hall. She briefly wondered where he
could be headed, but when her eyes met Blaise�s her anger at him made her
forget Draco all together. With a harrumph she picked up her paper and blocked
his face from her view.

One of the first year Slytherins at their table cleared his throat softly and
almost whispered, �Um, Hermione? Is Professor Hooch a good teacher?�

Hermione heard the fear in his voice, and wondered if it was because of her
actions all morning, or his fear of flying. She closed her eyes and took a
breath to calm herself down. It wasn�t right of her to take her anger at Blaise
out on the rest of the people at the table.

�Yes, Kevin, she is from what I remember. I only had her my first year. What
else do you have today?�

xxxxx

You only had her first year, because you can�t fly worth a damn, Blaise said peevishly in his head.

He finished his fry-up and looked down at the schedule resting at his elbow. He
knew without looking what classes he had been scheduled for, because they were
the ones that would fulfill his future Ministry job requirements. The only real
question that remained was who else would be in his classes. He knew Greg and Draco
would be in many of them, as the requirements for a Ministry job were in a lot
of ways similar to those of an auror and Potions
Master. But, he wondered about Theo and, even as his stomach jumped a bit at
the thought of her name, Pansy. With Theo�s law aspirations and Pansy�s still
undecided plans, he wasn�t sure he would see as much of them.

With a small grunt he acknowledged that he should probably try to talk to
Pansy. He�d never seen her that angry, or heard her say the things she�d said
to him. Spat at me more like.

He turned to see if she was still in the hall and his jaw fell open. She
appeared to be quite fine and happy as she talked with Blaise�s fiery co-head
and her boyfriend. His eyes closed into slits as he watched Potter say
something that made both woman laugh, and he wondered how Pansy could so easily
turn traitor in only one summer. Turning back to his table he frowned at the
now more relaxed conversations taking place.

When he heard Hermione laugh at the antics of one of the younger children, he
almost found it infectious and felt the urge to smile, but fought it back. She
was the cause of all the troubles he was having. She had turned Pansy against
him somehow. She had also done something to Draco, of that, he was sure. It
just wasn�t like his friend to act the way he had been acting. Theoretically,
he knew it was the things Draco had suffered and the lessons he�d had to learn
all summer that were really to blame, but Blaise needed something solid to
blame. Hermione Granger.

She and her kind had insinuated themselves into the magical culture and acted
as if they belonged. In the past it had been so much easier to hate her, as
they waited for her fa�ade to crack. She was a blight
on society, a freak of nature, a smart, pretty, witty, friendly, powerful
witch, who shouldn�t be all those things. Knowing in his heart she couldn�t be
real, he settled on the fact that she was a fake, a fraud. She wasn�t possible
because she was not from a magical family and she would break. She wasn�t as
good as he was because she was a muggleborn. Simple. If she had been born to the right family, then maybe
she would have been considered someone to admire, but�Pansy�s words from the
previous evening washed over him once more and he grimaced.

With a frustrated sigh he again focused on his schedule and tried to block out
the annoying sounds of happiness around him. But, he couldn�t concentrate. He
kept hearing Pansy�s words, seeing Granger�s disappointed eyes and Draco�s
tired ones, and feeling the disgust aimed at him by the Weaslette
when she�d brushed by him and gone upstairs to slam her door shut for the
evening. Greg�s responses hadn�t bothered him as much, as the man had always
had his own opinions on things. He just usually kept them to himself. Blaise
knew Greg well, and the man did nothing halfway. When he�d decided to hate
Potter and his group of followers, he�d gone at it with zeal. Now, that he�d
changed his mind on things, he would be just as voracious in efforts, but on
the other side.

No, it was Pansy and Draco that most worried him. Well, mostly, because a part
of him wondered at his own zeal in hating them. He was honest enough to admit
to himself that questions he didn�t know the answers to had plagued him all
night. The chief amongst them, if he was so sure of his own
superiority, why did he feel so threatened by their mere existence? He
didn�t understand why he was so bothered by it all.

The bells sounded to signal the end of breakfast and the arrival of their first
day back to class. With a grunt of relief Blaise grabbed his things and strode
out of the hall. He couldn�t wait until his half hour with Professor Snape on
Wednesday. He knew his Head of House would help him get his thoughts straight.

xxxxx

With his gloved hands covered in pus from the bubotuber they had been squeezing for the past half hour,
Draco wondered once again why he wanted to work in Potions. Herbology was a
tedious, disgusting subject, and he hated the feeling of the gooey substance
even through his thick gloves.

�There can�t be this much acne in all of Great Britain!� he mumbled to
himself.

Luna
said softly from across the table, �They�re useful for other things, too. Acne
is only the most widely known use. It�s also quite useful for severe bayi gegabah.�

Draco stared blandly at her, but Blaise laughed loudly, �You almost had a full
real thought there for a minute, Loony.�

Parvati looked at him sharply, �You know, I think someone needs to squeeze more
and talk less, before their complete ignorance is fully realized.�

Theo snickered and Parvati looked over at him ready to once again defend her
friend. But, she found him looking at Blaise instead. He turned his head and
smiled at her before he ducked his head and went back to squeezing.

Blaise sputtered, �What? Loony makes up some stupid thing like biyugogobee, and I�m the idiot? I think not! I have no idea
how that hat put someone like you in Ravenclaw. Aren�t they supposed to be
intelligent?�

Draco shook his head in wonder and fought to keep his smirk from showing as he
answered, �Blaise, Luna is actually right. Bayu gegabah is Indonesian for baby rash.�

�Huh?� Luna asked in shock. At the same time, Parvati stepped closer to Luna
and demanded, �What are you playing at, Malfoy?�

Not only had Draco been correct, but he had also defended Luna AND called her
by name.

Draco almost winced at the hard edge to her voice, but was able to control his
features as he glanced up at Parvati coolly. He stared at her for a second
before he raised a brow at her and then turned to Luna.

�And, where did you learn Indonesian?� he asked the girl who stared at him with
wide, round eyes.

She shook her head slowly, but her eyes never left his, �I don�t know it,� she
breathed. �It�s what my father always called it. How do you know it? And, why
did you say my name?�

�Yeah?� both Theo and Parvati asked at the same time. They glanced at each
other, blushed a bit, smiled and looked back at Draco.

Draco shrugged and looked back down at the squirming tuber in his hand, �Just
seems a might childish to me to call people names. I mean, we all know
Luna�s�um��

�Eccentric?� Theo provided.

�Yeah, that,� Draco nodded a thanks at Theo and turned back to look at Blaise
to continue his reprimand. �I mean, we�re adults. When do we
start acting like it?�

�Thank you,� Luna breathed with a smile. �Maybe we could��

Parvati cut her off, �Okay, what the heck is going on here, Malfoy?�

Theo interjected quietly, �Maybe, Ms. Patil, Draco is
simply tired of all the petty sniping and name calling. I know I am.�

Luna smiled at Blaise, �You kind of remind me of a fly with your eyes all
bugged out like that.�

Draco coughed to cover his laugh. Theo ducked his head again to hide his smile.
Parvati laughed out loud. And, Blaise simply sputtered.

When he�d gained control of his tongue, he took off his gloves, threw them on
the table and stalked away as he said over his shoulder, �I will not stay
partnered with brainwashed fools, idiots and stupid Gryffindors! Professor
Sprout, I demand a new group!�

Draco sighed heavily and tried to concentrate on the job at hand. He wasn�t
sure why he had felt the need to open his mouth. He was strangely okay with the
words he�d thought and the feelings associate with them. Am I really brainwashed?

�There�s nothing wrong with you,� Theo murmured his voice soft enough for only
Draco to hear over the normal classroom noise. Still, Draco glanced up to see
if Parvati and Luna were listening. They weren�t, as they seemed to be
engrossed in a conversation of their own.

�I don�t know what you mean,� Draco said quietly back.

Theo laughed softly, �Yeah, right. I know you, remember? I know that look,
Draco. And, no, you haven�t been brainwashed. I had the same therapy sessions
this summer, you know. Most of us have.�

�So, Mr. Brilliant, why do you think some of us seem to still be the same and
others of us�?� Draco asked.

�Have matured?� Theo supplied. �Maybe because some of us just needed change
more than others; I know I did. I was never all that involved in all the petty
squabbles around here like you were. But, I did find myself getting pulled into
things rather easily a time or two; and, never really because I wanted to, just
because everyone else was. Over the summer I decided that this year I would be
me. And, maybe find out if I ever had any real friends here. People who like me
for who I am will continue to do so, whether I always side with them or not.
Those that no longer want to associate with me were never really my friends.�

Draco once again heard Ginny Weasley�s words to Pansy
the night before, No more hiding. You are
who you are and people will accept it or not. He wasn�t sure if it was
Theo�s loss of control the night before or his words afterward, but Draco knew
Theo had changed, too. It made him feel closer to the man who�d barely been a
blip on his radar before. He also knew there had been no one else around to
talk to about these things. Blaise surely wasn�t approachable. Draco wasn�t
close enough to Pansy to talk about his feelings. And, he didn�t feel quite
right about asking Greg. But, he suddenly felt the need to ask the question
that had been bugging him for a long while. And, he thought Theo, who had also
been through therapy, might not only understand his question, but also not
laugh at him for asking it.

�Theo? How can you be so sure it�s your own thoughts and feelings and not
something they planted or something?�

Theo shrugged and took off his gloves, �I guess I�m not, really. But, I don�t
care because whether they put it there for me to think about, or I decided it
on my own, it feels right. And, I�m just so very tired of always feeling
wrong.�

Before Draco could respond Parvati looked up at them. �Nott, we�re not done
here.�

He laughed a little, �Well, my bladder doesn�t know that.�

Parvati blushed, �Oh, well.�

He winked at her, �And, my name is Theodore, Ms. Patil.
Theo for short.�

Draco snickered when she nodded dumbly. Theo wasn�t normally much of a ladies�
man, but he seemed to have flustered the pretty, Indian girl. Guess she likes the nerdy type.

He actually allowed a small smile when Luna answered for her, �And, she�s
Parvati. But, all her friends call her Vati. And, she�s a pureblood, in case
that helps.�

�Luna!� Parvati squeaked.

But, Theo just smiled, nodded, and walked away with a bit of swagger to his
step. Parvati�s eyes followed him across the room, over to Professor Sprout,
and then out of the door.

When the door closed she rounded on her friend, �I can�t believe you just said
that, Luna!�

Luna shrugged and smiled as she pulled off her gloves and watched the remaining
tubers squirm around, �Well, Vati, you two seem to be getting on. And, you know
how Slytherins are, if you aren�t a pureblood, you don�t count as human. So, I
thought it might help.�

Neither noticed Draco�s wince at the slight, as they continued their
conversation, his presence momentarily forgotten. Parvati pulled her gloves off
and put her hands on her hips, �And, what if I don�t care what he thinks?�

�But, you do,� Luna said with a smile that was wiser than was normally
associated with her.

�No, I�what makes you think that�I, mean, do you think he�� Parvati sputtered.

Just then Professor Sprout called out that class was nearing its end. Both
women moved off to clean up and Draco missed the rest of the conversation. He
looked around for Blaise and saw the man across the room staring at him with a
mixed look of confusion and anger. With a blank face Draco cleaned up his area
and made his way out of the classroom. It didn�t surprise him when Blaise fell
in step beside him; angry or not, they were friends. The thought almost made
Draco smile.

xxxxx

New Professor Nymphadora
Tonks smiled at the nervous, young woman across the desk from her. She was very
happy to have found a place at Hogwarts after the past few years of strife, and
she was eager to do her part to help with the aftermath of the war. Even though
she was now a wife and mother, she wasn�t much older than the students and
hoped she would be able to relate to the students in a way the older teachers
couldn�t. She hoped it would assist her in helping the fighters and sufferers
of the war, like the dark-haired beauty in front of her heal.

�Ms. Parkinson,� she began her introductory speech, �these sessions are for you
and about you. I know you have no reason to believe it or trust me, but I
promise you, anything we say to each other here goes no further.�

When Pansy simply nodded and stared at her with wide, dark blue eyes, Tonks
smiled softly and thought about how to break the ice. With an idea in her head
she continued her speech.

�Each student will have a half hour every two weeks to talk with a professor
that they will hopefully grow comfortable talking freely with, so that they can
get out any residual thoughts and feelings they have about the war, or how
things are now, or whatever they want to talk about that session. So, this time
is yours to say or ask anything you please without fear of any kind of
repercussions.�

Pansy watched in fascination as the professor�s hair slowly turned from it�s pale yellow to dark green to vivid pink to a slightly
sick-looking orange to a midnight blue and finally to a bright rainbow of
colors. Tonks smiled as Pansy�s eyes widened with each change.

�Is there anything you want to talk about today? Do you have any questions?�

�Professor Tonks, how do you do that?� Pansy breathed in awe.

Tonks laughed a deep, rich laugh that surprised Pansy enough to make her smile
and relax a bit.

�First off, it�s Tonks, just Tonks. At least in here with just the two of us,
okay?

When Pansy nodded, she added, �May I call you Pansy?�

�Sure,� Pansy agreed with a nod.

�Okay, so to answer your question, no idea, really. I just think it and it
happens. So, Pansy, did you have anything you wanted to talk about?�

Pansy shook her head, but found herself blurting, �What�s it like to be part of
The Order?�

Tonks watched Pansy�s face drain of color after her question and rushed to
alleviate the younger witch�s fear. She stood up, rounded the desk, and
conjured a chair next to Pansy�s. �Relax. As I said, whatever we say is between
us. And, to establish a rule that will help us both, how about we agree that we
both have the right to not answer things we don�t feel comfortable answering,
just yet?�

Pansy hung her head, �Of course, Professor. I am sorry.�

�Tonks,� she gently reminded her. �And, I wasn�t chastising you, I just meant,
you can ask me anything, and I can ask you anything. We just both have the
right to not answer. And, it�s exciting and scary, but rewarding. I was and am
a very proud member of The Order. What else would you like to know?�

At the end of their half hour, Tonks wasn�t sure what to make of their time.
She knew Pansy was more comfortable with her, but she didn�t know if they had
gotten anywhere. Most of the time had been spent with Pansy asking questions
about Tonks� role in the war and her feelings on it, her relationship with her
husband, Professor Remus Lupin, and her young son Teddy. With a small sigh she
leaned forward to reach for her notepad and quill, so that she could make notes
on their meeting.

xxxxx

Pansy shut the door behind her softly, looked to
make sure no one was coming down the hall, and then leaned back against the
door with a heavy sigh of relief. A smile slowly crept up on her face as she
closed her eyes and thought back over the past half hour. She felt like she had
accomplished the greatest of feats. She, Pansy Parkinson, pureblood and
Slytherin, the woman who had almost gotten Harry Potter killed, had gotten to
sit and just talk to not only one of the greatest Aurors in the world, but also
one of the leading members of The Order.

She pushed away from the door and almost skipped down the hall. With a rush of
happiness Pansy realized she had an hour before her first class, Basic Medical
Aide with Ginny, and that Millicent would be out of their room since she was in
class. She mentally patted herself on the back for not signing up for Care of
Magical Creatures again. She didn�t dislike the teacher, Hagrid, like most of
her fellow Slytherins. Pansy thought he was actually very sweet in a goofy kind
of way. She just never quite understood his fascination with creatures that
could and would rip your head off for simply looking them in the eye.

A giggle escaped her lips as she remembered Draco �insulting� a hippogriff a
few years back and being attacked by the thing. Then she remembered that her
new friends, Ginny and Hermione, had ridden the beastly creatures and reminded
herself to ask them what it had been like sometime. Her smile widened at the
word �friends� as she said the password to enter the Slytherin common room. She
barely noticed the occupants of the room as she headed to the small kitchenette
for some juice with the intention of taking the glass up to her room so that
she could read a book Hermione had recommended.

As she poured her glass she thought back over her new goals. Be herself and let people see the real Pansy. So far, so good. Make new friends. Check and double check,
thankfully. Find a way to somehow get closer to Ron. She was still unsure on
that one. She didn�t want it to look like she had befriended Ginny and Hermione
just to get near Ron, as that was in no way true, so she wasn�t quite sure how
to go about that one. And, besides, she still had to figure out how she was
going to get out of her engagement to Draco.

She placed her glass in the sink and watched it vanish. She then began humming
as she reminded herself that she hadn�t been placed in Slytherin for nothing.
She just had to find a way to make him realize he didn�t want to be with her.
That would mean he would have to very much want to be with someone else. So
much so that he would be willing to break with centuries of tradition,
potentially ruin his mother�s future plans, and prove to be far braver than
he�d ever been before. The song clogged in Pansy�s throat as she realized the
practically insurmountable odds she faced. With a shake of her head she forced
herself to think of the potential positive outcomes.

She could have friends, actual trusted, close friends. She could get the man of
her dreams and one day become Mrs. Pansy Weasley. She
could have a future so much happier than her past. If only she could find just
the right witch for Draco, then she would be free. With that in mind, the
muggle song, Freedom, once again
hummed in her throat.

xxxxxx

Stella: Glad you are
still with me. Thanks!

dragonsgirl: Thank you so
much. I am really glad you are enjoying the charactizations
and their growth. And, I am glad you like the rants, as there are others
coming. lol I am sure Draco will lose his shirt at
some point. ;-)

Dreamweaver: Thanks, hon. Wouldn�t
we all love to have the ability to read people better�sigh. You know, I never
thought much about her actual hairdo. I just figured it was shinier and less
frizzy, maybe pulled up on the sides. And, I didn�t give any of the Slytherins reactions
to her on purpose. Greg is already half in love with her, but like a normal
guy, wouldn�t notice. Draco has far too much going on to notice or care about
Hermione�s hair and makeup routine. And, Blaise�just too
angry to see much of anything. Again, sigh� :-)

Yes,
I would say this is the first time Pansy has stood up to ANYONE. She is finally
starting to come into her own and stretching her wings. Yes, our Draco is a
virgin. I am pretty sure he won�t be by the end of the story, but that may be
in the second part of the story. Hmmm

I am so glad you liked the Professor Burbage stuff. I was worried that many
wouldn�t remember it from the book. lol

I will have to go find your Lucius/Hermione story. I am just getting to those.
I read the Snape/Hermione section first and am now moving on to Luscious, uh, I
mean Lucius. tee hee hee

margaritama: Thank you for
your kind words! I look forward to more of your thoughts

kazfeist: As always, thank
you!
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Struggling Through New Beginnings