Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Soldier's Welcome	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 25565 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; that belongs to J. K. Rowling. I am making no money from this fic.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Thank you again for all the reviews!

Chapter
Twelve�Blistering Honesty

�� Harry let
his head droop forwards. If he hadn�t put a hand up to catch his forehead, he
thought it would have gone on falling until he was standing with his chin on
his chest. He laughed bitterly.

�� I don�t
have the energy to face this kind of shite anymore,� he said aloud.

�� It�s not
shite on my part,� Malfoy said, his voice as soft and earnest as when he�d
declared that he�d overheard Harry�s conversation with Ginny. �I promise you
that. I think we have a lot of things to discuss, but I�m ready to face up to
that discussion and the things I did wrong.�

�� It�s
surreal that you�re the one who�s
saying things like that to me, and not my so-called best friends or so-called caring
ex-girlfriend,� Harry said, raising his head and blinking at nothing. His eyes
hurt. It was as if he�d tried to suppress tears, but he doubted it could be
that when he felt as close to laughing as he did to crying. �The world has
turned bizarre. Of course, I should have thought of that when Death Eaters
somehow broke into the Auror trainee barracks.�

�� Malfoy
watched him carefully, taking a step back as though he thought that Harry was
about to lash out at him. Harry sighed. He wanted to punch Malfoy. Maybe that
would make everything normal again. He could tell Ron that he�d �rebelled
against the compatible magic� and Ron would welcome him back with open arms.
Then he could firecall Ginny and she would smile at him and�

�� Why do you want her smiles?

�� The anger
he�d felt while he was listening to her speak returned full-force, then. Harry
clutched the edge of the door with one hand and ground his teeth. How dare Ron get Ginny to speak to him
instead of coming to Harry with his own problems and doubts, and how dare Ginny talk to him like that? Even
if she only meant it for the best, it was unforgivable.

�� If they
were going to do strange things and think they were all right, then Harry might
as well do the same.

�� Come in,�
he said roughly, and stepped out of Malfoy�s way.

�� Malfoy
ducked past him, looking around the room as if he thought that Harry�s friends
were waiting to ambush him. Harry rolled his eyes and shut the door with
unnecessary force. Malfoy spun around, wand raised. Harry blinked. He hadn�t
seen Malfoy pull the wand out of his pocket. He was more skillful than Harry
had realized he was.

�� I�m not
going to hurt you unless you hurt me,� Harry said. �I�m sure you have
questions.� He didn�t bother to conceal the bitterness in his voice as he
crossed the room and dropped into the same chair he�d sat in when he was
talking to Ginny. �Ask them.� He put a hand across his eyes and drew a deep breath,
trying to take his brain back from the whirling of his senses.

*

�� Draco raised
his eyebrows. He had expected to be welcomed immediately or sent on his way,
probably with his face bruised out of all recognition. Either Potter would
ferociously defend his privacy or he would seize the chance to pour out his
frustrations to someone who seemed receptive.

�� But when he
thought it over again, he realized that this was understandable. Potter had
said in his conversation with the Weaselette that he tried to explain things
and had them misunderstood. Maybe he so tired that admitting Draco was easier
than turning him away.

�� And he never said that he would answer the
questions he invited me to ask.

�� Draco sat
down in the chair across from Potter, taking a moment to make sure the Floo
connection was closed. The door stood open, so he spelled it shut. Any
intrusion into this conversation would probably shut Potter up in his little
shell again. Draco didn�t think he would ever have a chance like this again if
it vanished.

�� Then he
studied Potter. Potter, as if he felt the gaze, dropped his hand from his face
and stared back. His face looked as if he�d spent weeks without sleep. His
eyelids looked dusty. His hand shook before he saw Draco staring at it and
reached out to clench it down on the arm of the chair.

�� This would
not be as easy as it had seemed in the first moments when Draco was listening
to the Weaselette and thinking that he understood Potter better than any of his
friends. But the difficult things were the only ones worth doing. Draco cleared
his throat and murmured, �What she said was unfair. You can�t fight against
compatible magic and you have to obey the instructors in some things if you
want to stay in the Auror program.�

�� Potter made
a brushing motion with one hand. �I know that. It doesn�t make any difference
to them. You would know that, if you had really listened to the whole conversation instead of just overhearing it.�

�� Already he
was sitting up straighter in the chair, and his eyes watched Draco with dark
distrust. His arms were folded across his chest, and he was staring Draco in
the face as if he could have dueled with him. Draco knew the moment was
passing, and Potter would shut himself away from sympathy.

�� Draco
softened his voice and made his face open. Potter�s jaw slipped down as he
stared at Draco. Draco made sure that he subdued the smile he wanted to give
and said gravely, �Yes. All right. I simply wanted to be sure that you knew these things and could hear someone
else saying them, someone who wouldn�t blame you. In the meantime, I also know
that you�re tired of being a hero, and it�s unfair for them to require you to
be one all the time.�

�� Potter
blinked and swallowed. �But I didn�t say that,� he said. �I haven�t told anyone
that. How could you know?�

�� Draco
refrained from rolling his eyes and propped his chin up on his hand. �It�s
obvious for anyone who knows how to look,� he said. �Besides, I can think about
what my life would have been like if I�d been a Chosen One. Doing something
incredibly hard, mostly on my own? That would be bad enough. At least I would
think the fame and the gifts I received because of it were worth the pain.� He
ignored Potter�s shaking head. They were different people, and it was hopeless
to conceal that, as much time as they would be spending around each other in
the future. �But for everyone to assume that I want to be a hero after that?
That because I could do one hard thing, I could do them all? Having lazy people
depend on me because they weren�t used to standing on their own two feet?�
Draco shook his head back. �That would sour the fame for me and make me want to
scream at everyone to help themselves.�

�� My friends
helped me defeat Voldemort.� Potter spoke slowly, but Draco thought that came
from the depth of his consideration, rather than because he wanted to make
Draco feel stupid. �They�ve done great things themselves. I don�t think they�re
lazy. Ron would never have made it this far into the Auror program if he wasn�t
willing to work and to ask for help with things that are beyond him.�

�� I know
that,� Draco said quietly. �But it�s harder to repair an argument with someone
you care for than it is to do classwork. I would think it would be especially
hard for someone like Granger.� He would avoid all mention of the Weasels for
the moment, because Potter would be more likely to think everything Draco said
came from his personal spite against them. �They�re used to one kind of thing,
and since you�ve all stayed together instead of separating the way people
usually do after Hogwarts��

�� I want to
be with my friends.� Potter sat up as though Draco had pushed a pin into his
arse.

�� I know
that. I�m not blaming you.� Draco stared at Potter calmly until he leaned back
in his chair and nodded, almost sulkily, as if he didn�t know what to do if
Draco wasn�t blaming him. �But because they�re close to you, it can be hard for
them to see what they�re doing to you.�

�� Potter
lowered his gaze to the floor and sat there in silence for so long that Draco
began to worry about the Weasel coming back with his girlfriend and rattling
the locked door. Then Potter fetched a long sight from the depths of his belly
and said, �I don�t know what to do
about it.�

�� Draco began
to breathe more easily. If Potter was asking for advice, then he could
insinuate himself in. �That depends on the results you want,� he said. �A few
days of breathing space? For them to never call you a hero again?� He
hesitated, then chose his words delicately. �For those wounds that it seems you
talked about to the Weaselette and she inconsiderately opened again to be
soothed?�

�� Potter
clenched his jaw. His voice had gone lower when he answered. �I never should
have told her about my fits.�

�� They have
to do with the war, don�t they?� Draco balanced his voice between remote and
sympathetic, or thought he did until he saw the way Potter�s arms pulled across
his chest as though he were trying to break his own ribs.

�� I don�t
want to talk about them.�

�� Because
she betrayed you, it doesn�t mean everyone will.� Draco didn�t want to push too
hard, but all he saw was his chances growing wings and flying into the
distance. He cleared his throat and wondered if sounding less eager would
appeal to Potter. No, probably not. If anything, he needed more begging. Draco reached
out to place a hand on Potter�s arm. �You can tell me about them. I�ll need to
know eventually, because they might interfere when we fight together, but I�m
interested in them outside that.�

�� Potter gave
him an ugly sneer. �Malfoys don�t always get what they want.�

�� Did you
think the war didn�t teach me that?� Draco�s voice had risen, and it was too
late to stop it. Potter was on his feet and pacing back and forth. Draco stood
up to confront him. He wouldn�t let Potter have the psychological advantage
over him that he would if Draco was sitting. �I know that. Of course I know
that. But this isn�t something I want for myself. I want to help you.�

�� The last
person who said that decided she couldn�t help me when she saw what a huge task
it was.� Potter�s hurt steamed off him like the fumes off a fresh fewmet.

�� Draco shook
his head. �And I don�t know what I
can do, because you clutch that secret to yourself like a baby you want to
smother.�

*

�� Harry
winced and ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth. He certainly didn�t have to confess everything to Malfoy. He
could simply go on holding the secret to himself, and eventually Malfoy would
get bored and leave.

�� And then nothing changes.

�� Any
movement, in any direction, was better than where he sat right now, Harry
thought. He couldn�t trust his friends. He couldn�t get through to Ron. He
couldn�t persuade the instructors to tell him important information. He
couldn�t fight his enemies. He couldn�t keep up in his classes.

�� At least
trusting Malfoy would make things a little different,
and that meant, in return, that Harry might be able to change other things.

�� He turned
back to Malfoy with his hand on the wand in his pocket. If he told Malfoy the
truth and saw a gleam of mocking laughter in his eyes or heard it from his lips,
then he would use a Memory Charm on him. He couldn�t bear to have someone else
know the truth and reject him the way Ginny had.

�� All
right,� he said. �I return to my memories of the war in those fits. They become
so intense that I can�t concentrate on anything else. When you saw the fit I
had in Gregory�s class, I was remembering the way I went back for Snape�s
body.� Malfoy paled at the words, but Harry didn�t know why. He hoped that
Malfoy wouldn�t get defensive about Snape�s actions. Harry knew he had been a
hero. That didn�t help with this. He pushed ahead doggedly. �They imprison me
in hopelessness. I start wondering what I could have done to make sure that my
failures didn�t happen, and all the time I know that it�s a memory and the
failure already happened, so I can�t
change it.�

�� Malfoy
watched him thoughtfully. Then he nodded and said, �I can understand that.�

�� Harry
blinked. He�d braced himself to resist a strong push of hatred and contempt.
�You can?�

�� Of course.
You lived through so much. It makes sense that they would manifest themselves
somehow, the memories of deaths and mistakes and regrets.� Malfoy took a step
towards him, face like a werewolf�s in his eagerness. �But they�re not personal
failures, Potter. You know that Voldemort killed Snape. You know that your
friends died fighting, taking part in a battle that they chose to fight.�

�� Harry
stiffened. This was the same kind of advice that Ginny had used on him, only
her tone was more condescending.

�� Thinking
about that doesn�t help,� he said briefly. �It doesn�t soothe the guilt, and it
doesn�t make the fits stop.�

�� Then
perhaps something other than guilt is causing the fits,� Malfoy said. He
shifted nearer, his face lean and thoughtful now. Harry blinked. If someone had
told him that Malfoy could look thoughtful, he would not have believed it. �Is
that impossible? What else have you noticed about them? When do they tend to
happen?�

�� Harry
ducked his head , peering at Malfoy from beneath lowered lashes. No mockery
yet. Maybe he had learned to be more subtle about it since Hogwarts, but it was
also possible�barely�that he honestly didn�t want to mock Harry and was
interested in the problem, as he had promised.

�� Harry took
another risk. He didn�t like the
sensation he felt, as if each step he took now was onto a floating platform
that didn�t exist until he made the step, but it had to be put up with. And
Malfoy was the first to suggest a magical source for his fits. If there was any
way that could be true, Harry wanted to know so that he could make them stop.
They did interfere with his life, and sometimes the effort he put into keeping
them secret was more than he could stand.

�� I get them
most often after nights when I don�t have nightmares,� he said. �Not to mention
that I wake up with a tight feeling, a stretched feeling. I don�t think I can
describe it better than that,� he added, when Malfoy�s eyebrows rose. �I always
know when they�re coming. Put it that way.�

�� Malfoy
nodded. �Well, that sounds reasonable. There could still be a magical
connection, but it could also be that on nights when you don�t have the
nightmares to get rid of your accumulated sadness, then the fits come on to
make sure that you relive the memories.�

�� I don�t
think nightmares work like that,� Harry said. �There�s not a�a certain amount of poison that needs to be dumped
each day, and needs either the nightmares or the fits to get rid of it.�

�� Malfoy
frowned at him. �How do you know?�

�� Harry
laughed. �Because it�s ridiculous,
that�s why.�

�� Plenty of
things about the nature of magic are ridiculous,� Malfoy said, his voice
sharper now, as if he were struggling to hang onto his temper. �Or at least
counterintuitive. But they�re still true, and they won�t go away because you
won�t believe in them.� He paused, then added, �Besides, how do you know what
might be true about your fits and what might not be? You haven�t taken the time
to investigate your fits, have you? You haven�t wanted to think about what
might be causing them. You haven�t told Granger about them, so she couldn�t
research them for you.�

�� Harry shook
his head. �But nightmares and memories sound like they�re psychological, not
magical.�

�� Sound like,� Malfoy repeated. �You�re
talking like a Muggle again.� He bustled on before Harry could tell him how
stupid and prejudiced he sounded.
�We�re wizards, Potter. Everything we are connects with our magic. If you have
a series of nightmares, then it�s entirely possible that they represent some
disorder in your magical core.�

�� I haven�t
noticed anything else like that,� Harry said stubbornly. He didn�t want to be
interested in what Malfoy was saying, because that would mean that he could
have solved the nightmares and fits all the time, and Ginny would be right.

�� Malfoy
smirked at him. �And you know exactly what disturbances in the magical core
look like, I suppose?�

�� Harry
touched his wand again. Malfoy noticed the movement, but instead of falling
into a defensive crouch the way Harry had hoped he would, he shook his head.
�We can�t hurt each other with magic, remember?�

�� And that means I probably can�t Memory Charm
him.

�� Harry
swallowed and took a slow step away from Malfoy. He hated the idea that he had
chanced even more of a risk in trusting Malfoy than he knew. They were really in
this together, whatever happened. And
why should Malfoy keep silent about his secrets in the way that Ginny had? He
would probably think it was funny to tell Ron and Hermione and then watch them
fuss over Harry or stand around in awkward silence, wondering how to bring up
the topic with him.

�� Malfoy
pulled himself up straight, as if he had seen Harry�s gestures and understood
what they meant. His nostrils flared, and his head was at an angle that made
Harry think the stick in his arse must be poking his chin. His voice was low
and steady, more controlled than Harry knew he would have been capable of at
that moment.

�� You need
to stop running and start doing. You
haven�t told anyone about your fits because you�re afraid of how they would
respond. I can�t blame you, after what I heard the Weaselette say.� Harry
opened his mouth to complain about the insult to Ginny, but Malfoy�s voice
rolled over him, as smooth as an ocean wave. �But not everyone is her. You�re
letting her response control you long past the point when it should. And
meanwhile, the fits and the nightmares are conspiring to corrupt your life.

�� You could
have so much more if you would just move out of this tormented standing still.
If you would confront your friends and force them to realize that you don�t
want to be a hero anymore. If you would research your fits and try to figure
out whether they�re linked to decay in your magical core. If you would accept
the compatible magic and work to find out how it can improve your life. If you
would trust me until you know that
I�m going to do something stupid and betray you.� Malfoy�s face was so dark
that Harry couldn�t read his expression anymore. �Arguably, the only thing I�ve
done like that since we came into the Auror program is to support the instructors�
idea that we become partners, but you still treat me like a criminal.�

�� Harry found
his voice for that one. �You were the one who decided to blackmail me into
giving you private lessons.�

�� Malfoy
flicked his fingers to dismiss that accusation like the little blast of hot air
he probably saw it as. �And things changed as soon as we figured out the
compatible magic. When we were attacked together. When the instructors started
seeing us as partners, whether or not you wanted them to. I�ve tried to adapt
and change. You haven�t. You�re still
clinging to the past and claiming that you want to be free when you�re doing
more than anyone else to imprison yourself.�

�� Harry shut
his eyes. He told himself that Malfoy�s words weren�t reality�why should he
want to do anything but say what he thought would hurt Harry most?�but it
didn�t matter. They ate into him like acidic dust. He hadn�t done anything for the last few months but run harder and
harder to keep standing still.

�� But�

�� Those were
the same kinds of things that Ginny said to me,� he whispered. �Blaming me and
telling me that I had to do something, no matter how hard it was or how
impossible it was for me to accomplish alone.�

�� She didn�t
offer help,� Malfoy said, his voice sounding nearly as tired as Harry�s had. �I
do. I will. I�ve tried to offer
myself as partner and friend and helper. But you won�t accept it, and I�m tired
of tossing my gifts into a gulf and receiving nothing back.�

�� Harry heard
shuffling steps, and when he opened his eyes, Malfoy was leaving the room.
Harry swallowed, or tried. There was a knot of panic in his throat.

�� Malfoy,
wait,� he managed to croak.

�� Why should
I?� Malfoy kept walking. �Every time I think that you�ve finally made your mind
up to accept me as a partner, you go back on your word and it turns out that
you�re doing it because of Weasley. I don�t see why this time is going to be
any different.� He paused for a moment, but didn�t turn back around, shaking
his head. Then he reached out and laid a hand on the door.

�� Harry
shivered. It felt as if he was hollow. If he tried to use his strength now, he
doubted that he would have any left afterwards. The conversation with Ginny had
drained him. The conversation with Malfoy had drained him.

�� Everyone
asked things of him, things he couldn�t give. He wondered why they should think
that they had the right to claim those things.

�� But only
one person had said that they would help Harry after that, if he made the
effort.

�� Harry
managed to swallow this time. He might still try and be left with nothing. That
was what had happened when he confessed the truth to Ginny and watched her eyes
cloud over in pity and the inability to deal with his need.

�� But on the
other hand, if he tried and Malfoy could work with him, then things would change. If he tried and Malfoy couldn�t,
then he wouldn�t really be in a worse position than he had been.

�� And Harry
was sick and tired of hesitating because things might get worse.

�� He stepped
forwards and laid his hand on Malfoy�s shoulder. �Wait,� he whispered again.

*

�� Draco
closed his eyes. He hated how much he had been waiting for that touch.

�� He had
become more sincere than he meant to be. He had revealed his frustration and
anger with Potter, that he would cast away the chance at compatible magic and
friendship and fame with Draco just because they weren�t offered by his
precious, precious Weasleys. He had showed his contempt for those Weasleys. He
had showed his scorn for the way that Potter stood still and looked anxiously from
side to side.

�� And now,
success, more dearly bought than he had wanted it to be.

�� He turned
around and met Potter�s anxious eyes. �I won�t fuck around,� he said harshly.
�I don�t want you to make a promise and then retreat again. I don�t want you to
pretend that we�re comrades while we�re fighting together and then pretend that
nothing has changed when the fight�s done.�

�� Potter
stood up straight, and Draco saw how much strength it took. Where he got the
iron to put into his next words, Draco didn�t know, and he wondered if he was a
fool to trust to them.

�I won�t,� Potter said.

�� And, in a
risk more profound than he had taken or thought to take when he knocked on
Potter�s door, because now he was in a leaning position like Potter instead of
the one in absolute control, Draco reached out and clasped Potter�s hand.
Potter clutched him back like a drowning man. Draco wondered if this was wise,
if he would be dragged down.

�� He dropped
the question when he realized the fire had come back to life�a low spark,
fluttering as if it would go out any minute, but there�in Potter�s eyes.

*

�� Lillybe:
Thank you!

�� MewMew2:
Thank you for reviewing.

�� Alliandre:
Thank you! Draco, luckily, knows most of these things (if from the other side)
and can hopefully make Harry stand up for himself and explain himself better in
the future. Since they misunderstand each other so easily, Harry will have to become more articulate.

�� Harry and
Ginny aren�t dating anymore because Ginny told him she didn�t think she could
be with someone so damaged.

�� Mr Spears:
More than he knows.

�� hieisdragoness18:
It seems lots of people do.

�� DragonsBreath:
Thank you! Harry�s fits are basically intense flashbacks accompanied by
convulsions, but he doesn�t know what causes them.

�� SP777:
Well, this seems to have touched a nerve! ;) But no, really, I�m trying to show
tensions that are as much Harry�s fault as Ron�s and Ginny�s; they�re being
tactless and stupid, but Harry is refusing to address things honestly, and
stand up for himself. With Draco at his side, he will at least have the ability
to do that.

�� I do agree
that Ron is being selfish, and probably the one more to blame of the two. Ginny
honestly thinks that she�s acting in Harry�s best interests.

�� Tree802:
Draco being honest got him more leeway than he�ll ever know. Harry is so sick
and tired of people lying to him.

callistianstar: Thank you! I wanted
to have Ginny and Harry separate before the beginning of the story, so it
wouldn�t be too much of an upset.

Thank you very much for your
reviews on other stories.

Really, Ginny does care about
Harry, but she is frustrated with him and, I think, incredibly tactless when
she is frustrated. She sees it as confronting Harry with rough honesty, of the
kind that Draco used in this chapter, but she didn�t give any of her own
honesty in return.

�� MiraMira:
Thank you! I�ll add your e-mail to the list. At the moment I�m assuming that
you only want to be updated for this one story; let me know if that�s not the
case.
- 11
- 12
- 13
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Soldier's Welcome