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Naked on your Chain	By : flagfish Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 6160 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor any of the characters, nor do I make any money from writing this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
It took a few moments for the words to sink in. A visitor…? On Regulus' orders…? Sirius slowly turned in bed, reaching sleepily for the sheets that were tangled partway around one of his legs. He was still much disoriented with sleep, not entirely sure if he were awake or dreaming or what the time was, and he stared for a long time before he fully understood.
"Wha…Moony…?" he whispered, and Remus turned to thank Kreacher, who was mercifully never informed he was both half-blood and a half-breed, and who left the room following Sirius' orders, murmuring vicious things about him on his way.
"I can't see anything," Remus whispered, and it was the first thing he'd said directly to Sirius in a long time. Sirius, whose eyes were accustomed to the darkness, could see him well enough; he was dressed in day clothes, but not his school uniform. Even as Sirius became more awake and aware, he still felt frightfully confused as to what was going on. All the while, though, his heart raced inside him; in the midst of his dreadful confinement, Remus was certainly a sight for sore eyes. Did it mean he wasn't angry? Did it mean he was still angry? What did it mean, that he came on Regulus' orders…?
Sirius scrambled out of bed, kicking uselessly at the tangle of sheets round his leg, and he grabbed hold of Remus' hand with both of his; Remus gasped. "Here, over here," Sirius whispered, and Moony still was feeling around in the darkness as he stumbled down onto Sirius' bed.
"Padfoot?" he asked, and he sounded reluctant, visibly uncomfortable to have snuck in and to be at the House of Black. "Bollocks, Moony, what are you doing here?" Sirius asked, both his hands still clutching one of his.
"I—" Remus whispered, suddenly shy, as though debating whether or not he was angry, "Regulus helped me come see you—I snuck out—"
"You snuck out? To see me? Regulus helped…?"
Just what was he playing at? Why would Regulus help Moony sneak out to see him…? Just with whom, Sirius wondered, did this mean that Remus' loyalties lay…? Sirius was almost afraid to ask, unsure to what extent his friend was still angry.
"I—" he started, "—are you hungry? You thirsty? You need the toilet?"
Remus shook his head, murmuring, no, and it was apparent he had a hard time saying something. Slowly, he became accustomed to the darkness, and was gazing at Sirius, then at his two hands around his palm.
"Merlin, it's so good to see you," Sirius whispered with a small laugh, and it came innocent and honest, before he could tell whether Remus really came in peace. "I've been cooped up here so long…" He thought for a few moments, then gripped his hand tighter and whispered, "What about school? What about class tomorrow?"
"Your brother—asked Kreacher to take me back tomorrow morning—that is—this morning—" Remus said timidly, because it already was past midnight.
Sirius' first impulse was disappointment that he'd have to go so soon; then again he wondered if this was some sort of favor that Regulus did for Remus. But if the two of them were on kissing terms, then why…?
He wanted to make some acrid remark about how nice it presumably was of Regulus to do this for Moony, but he didn't dare. He wanted to hug Remus and kiss him and tell him how grateful and touched he was that he came, and that he was sorry, and that he'd never intended to make him so angry—
—but he was afraid of what he might hear in response.
"I can't believe you're really here," he whispered, "blimey, that's wicked—" his hands traced Moony's cheeks and his jaw, then his neck down from there, and he felt so human, so vividly warm—
"Yeah, me neither," there came the reply, "apparition… it's bloody mad," he said, "thought I'd get sick—"
Sirius laughed knowingly, "Bollocks, apparating with Kreacher, that can't be fun, can it?"
Even if Kreacher had acted well, Sirius still didn't trust him; he was acting on Regulus orders, after all, and why Regulus would ask such a thing, he wasn't sure—but it likely had to do with the friendship he'd formed with Moony, and that certainly didn't sit right with Sirius.
Is he mine? he wondered, is he mine, is it okay if I—
"James—lent me his cloak, I've got it here—" Remus said, patting the side of his jacket, and Sirius found he felt relieved to hear James had a hand in this, too. He wondered why Prongs hadn't also come along, and whether it was because Kreacher couldn't apparate with more than one person or because Remus wanted to be alone with him.
He was afraid to bring up Prongs; he wondered what it meant that Remus had accepted James' help. All in all, he wished matters hadn't gotten so complicated that he'd even had to ask himself such a thing.
"I'm really glad you came," he whispered honestly, "I've felt utterly shite—"
He stopped himself, afraid to delve into the topic directly. Remus didn't reply, but he seemed more timid than angry; either way, he didn't brush Sirius off.
"I—never kissed your brother—" he murmured shyly, voice very soft, and Sirius froze in place. He searched Remus' face in the darkness, lips open partway.
"What…?" he finally asked.
"Yeah," Remus said, still gazing aside, "it was only a rumor. We only hugged…"
He trailed off. Sirius had been partway to relief when he caught the last word, but he was almost afraid to ask why they'd been hugging. He was also afraid to reprimand Remus for not telling him straight away.
"…oh," he finally said, very softly, "oh, is that so…"
In the dark, he could see Remus nod, still looking aside.
"You don't… you don't fa… you two aren't…" Sirius murmured, and Remus gazed up toward him, regarding him quietly for a long time.
"No," he finally shook his head, "No, it's not like that."
Sirius nodded slowly. He felt tremendously relieved, but he didn't bring it up. He wanted to say, Prongs and I aren't like that, either, but it was dangerous ground.
"You know, Moony," he finally said, "I only fancy you—"
The words came spontaneously before he'd really thought them out; he wasn't even sure how they came to him.
"I thought—" that you don't fancy people.
"Yeah," there came the reply, "I thought that, too."
Whether Remus had forgiven him, he didn't know. It could have been for any of a number of reasons that he'd kissed Sirius then, like that he'd missed him, or that he cared for him despite being angry, or that he just liked how it felt—
But Sirius realized how much he'd been wanting it now that it came, and he seized his mouth with curious hunger. "I really am sorry," he mouthed, "Really, I've felt crap ever since—"
They kissed very slowly, Sirius sliding Moony's jacket down and along his arms, and Moony let him do so as he pulled and tugged to get it off, as well.
"Blimey, how long has it been since you've shaved?" he whispered, fingers running along the stubble on Sirius' face, and Sirius snickered, "Too long, I reckon—" wait till you find all the porn magazines—
He led him unto his back, and Remus realized how much nicer it was now that he had Sirius all to himself, that he didn't have to share him; he wondered if it was all right to believe what he'd said, but he didn't want to dwell on it; if there still was some part of Sirius that fancied James, it wasn't apparent now. The burden of holding back his own feelings had become too heavy, and he wanted so much to believe that Padfoot was really his, despite how angry at him he had been.
Without Moony having to really explain, Regulus understood; he had loved his brother despite it all, just as well, and was just as aware of the injustice of it. You don't get to choose these things, do you, even as you tell yourself how unfair and degrading it is to love someone undeserving, you suffer the excruciating weight of holding back your own heart.
Was Sirius still undeserving? Remus didn't know. He was genuinely regretful, that much was apparent, and maybe he really did love Remus back— but no matter how he'd looked at it, Remus believed that part of Sirius would always be in love with James—and, regretful as Sirius might be, you don't get to choose these things, do you—
You can't tell someone, stop being in love.
Sirius became aware that Moony was unhappy, and something was wrong, and he genuinely wished he understood, but he was afraid he'd make him angry again; "Whatever I did, I'm sorry," he murmured, and he thought that maybe if he were gentle enough, maybe if he were kind enough, he could make Moony understand, he found himself helpless against something unspoken between them that he didn't know how to undo—
And Remus didn't want to hear it, he didn't want to hear Sirius unable to deny that he loved someone else, and the fact that again there was nothing he could really blame Sirius for other than that pained him terribly.
"Bollocks, Moony, what is it?" Sirius whispered, and his arms came around him very tightly, and he swore he was sorry, that whatever terrible thing Remus thought of him, it wasn't true, and he wanted so much for them both to be happy, and I do love you, Moony, and when have I started making you feel so bad?
Despite everything, this also was true; there was no denying, Remus knew, that Sirius loved him. Was he even aware of his feelings for James…? For a guy who didn't fancy people, Sirius certainly fancied more than his fair share.
"I wanted you," Remus whispered, very humble and quiet, "all to myself." It came very simple and honest, and Sirius felt curiously touched in a way he didn't fully understand; "I haven't taken very good care of you, have I, Moony—"
Remus didn't resist when he felt his clever hands gently tug and unravel his clothes; he gazed in the darkness around the expanse of the room, which was visibly luxuriant and elaborately furnished—visibly to Sirius' distaste. There were Gryffindor banners all over the walls, and posters of scantily-clad women who remained curiously still, and many pictures of motorcycles, and now that he'd become more accustomed to the dark Remus could tell there were clothes and magazines strewn all over the floor; he was reminded of Sirius' part of the room at Gryffindor Tower. And there, among all the posters and banners was a picture Remus recognized, taken the previous year, of the four of them standing together.
Sirius' hands already under his shirt, he moved closer as to have a better look, and he let out a chuckle of pleasant surprise. "This was taken last spring, wasn't it," he said softly, "I forgot about that…"
Lying on his back, Sirius turned around partway to the extent that he could, eyes rolling upward and lips momentarily parted. "Oh—that photo of us, yeah," he said, grinning with the same sort of pleasure—and, seeing the four of them smiling side by side, Remus was reminded it wasn't just Padfoot and Prongs; it's always been Padfoot and Prongs and Wormtail and Moony.
Sirius snickered. "I look like a right tit there, don't I," he said, but he didn't seem to mind; he was back to kissing Remus, who kept looking up at the photo from over his embrace. When finally he had his attention again, Remus began cautiously to tug at Sirius' pajamas, and Sirius let him, he thought it was such a relief to be forgiven at least to some extent, and to be touched again.
Remus was still a little timid about disrobing him, and Sirius' large, elegant hands guided him along, "You do have me all to yourself, you know," he whispered, and, inwardly, he also was glad that he had Remus to himself, and that he didn't really kiss Regulus.
Remus raised his eyebrows when he recognized one of the girls in posters. "Lauren Hutton? You like muggle models?" Sirius gazed at the poster for several moments, then back at Moony as though impressed that he knew who she was. "Yeah, she's well fit. And American…"
"You like American muggle models?"
Sirius laughed as he rolled Moony unto his back. "I like English wizards better."
He kissed him before he could protest, and, frowning mid-kiss, Remus gazed down onto the floor, where a Playwitch was strewn haphazardly; while it was facing the opposite way, he clearly could recognize the cover title.
"Mmph, I can see that—" he snickered incredulously, "I didn't know you had a Playwitch—"
"Playwitches, plural," Sirius helpfully corrected, "they're technically my cousin's."
"Your cousin's? How'd you get them?"
Sirius laughed, "Been nicking her porno for years…"
"No kidding," Remus said, now halfway out of his own shirt, and he reached down to the floor to grab the magazine. "I wanna see—"
Sirius reached for the bedside lamp, squinting at the dim light after turning it on. He sat cross-legged beside Moony as they flipped through Bellatrix's May '72 issue of Playwitch, and, as Moony expected, it was all blokes.
"Not got something with girls?" Remus asked, and Sirius snickered, "Nicked one from a shop once, but my mum found it." He'd not been old enough to buy them before now.
"Doesn't seem fair, does it? If your cousin gets to have a whole stash—"
"She wasn't thirteen."
Remus laughed; this was just like old times again. As he flipped through the magazine, he thought Sirius was better looking than the wizards in there, even with his hair disheveled and his two-day-old stubble. He held the magazine up so the centerfold flipped open and snickered, "Mister May," he read in a mock-official tone.
"Mister May is a few years too late," Sirius grinned as he took the magazine from Remus' hand and let it fall haphazardly to the floor, the centerfold fluttering disheveled.
He guided Remus down on his back again and kissed him, and Remus' arms came around him, sliding tentatively just under the elastic of his pajama bottoms. "You slag, are you not wearing pants?" he asked, and Sirius grinned toothily against him, "maybe I'm not." He guided Remus' hands to pull the elastic farther down.
Remus stopped momentarily. "Padfoot," he murmured, a little more serious now, "I was going to ask—that is—did you want—to continue from that time before—"
In the dim light of the lamp, Sirius could tell he was flushing. "You mean—what we were doing that time?"
Remus didn't reply; he was visibly struggling to say something.
"That is—" his voice went very quiet; "—that is, if you wanted to go farther than last time—"
"Farther than last time, you mean—"
Remus nodded shyly, not meeting his gaze.
Sirius stared at him with lips parted, and then, very quietly, as though it were dangerous to say it aloud, he whispered, "you mean like doing it?"
Now fully flushed, Remus nodded again. He was beginning to grow afraid of the rejection that might follow.
"Really?" Sirius said, and Remus looked up.
"Well, yeah…unless… you think it's a stupid idea, in which case…"
"No, I don't think—really?"
Now Sirius' face was alight like that of a puppy right before a walk.
It dawned on Remus that the answer to the question so thoroughly deliberated among the student body as to whether or not Sirius had already done it was unexpectedly no.
He'd seemed so suave with his cigarette and his proficient, clever hands, and he knew so much about all that they'd done that Remus assumed without doubt that he and James had done it the first opportunity they got. And yet, contrary to a certain popular rumor, Sirius apparently hadn't lost it to James.
"Padfoot," he asked with genuine intrigue, "have you not—"
Sirius shook his head, entirely unashamed. "No, never," he said, "Do you still want to?"
(On to Chapter 13)
A/N: I would love to find someone interested in roleplaying these guys (if this is still on here then I'm still looking, haha!) By far my favorite pairing is James/Sirius, but I could do Sirius/Remus as well; I'm aware that Sirius/Remus is a much more popular pairing, and for years I've had a very hard time finding anyone interested in RPing James/Sirius— so I'd love you if you felt like trying it out! ^^ I don't mind at all if you haven't RPd these guys before, if English isn't your first language, if you're a little shy, or if you're new to this fandom or to RPing; I just like writing with someone else who's passionate about the same stuff =) If you feel like giving it a go, then please reach me through the contact info on my profile. Thank you! ^^
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- 13
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Naked on your Chain