Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Survivor's Guilt	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Lucius Views: 34080 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor do I make any money of this dark dance of Harry Potter fanfic.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Chapter 12

Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Thanks, Tenchi, you're the best!

For update notifications you can follow me on Twitter or FaceBook, links are on my profile for those, or sign up for my mailing list at SpeedyTomato_updates@live.com. Thanks to Rogue for running it for me! Review replies, if needed, are answered on my FaceBook account (yes, it's fixed so anyone can send an invite).

Staring at the looming veil, feeling himself being pulled closer to it by Harry's momentum, Lucius was about as panicked as he could get. Digging in the best he could, he tried to keep Harry from going any further, but it didn't seem to be working. Instead, the veil just appeared to be getting closer. Sweating bullets, he gritted his teeth and tried dragging the young man backwards, away from the accursed archway. If he could get him down off the damned dais, he could probably get some help, but as they were getting so close to the rippling, tattered material, with the forward momentum still there, it didn't seem that anyone was going to assist.

Straining as he felt a little backwards momentum coming, he was hoping like hell that because Harry was so out of it from lack of sleep and other things, that his strength would give out at some point soon. Panting heavily, he began to talk, hoping to get him to either see sense or calm him down, one of the two, “Harry, don't do this! It's not the answer, trust me!”

“Let me go, Lucius! Just let me go,” Harry shouted, struggling against the older man. Oh, he fully planned to die and would accomplish that, he just wasn't willing to take anyone else with him when he did it. No, he had caused enough pain for enough people in this world, he wasn't going to be the cause of another death. However, he was going to go through that veil and there was nothing or no one that was going to stop him.

Grunting with the effort, Lucius managed to take another step back, looking around to ensure he didn't trip while trying to keep at least one eye on that damned veil. Already, being this close to it, the whispers seemed to be getting louder, feeling like they were beckoning him to step through and join them on the other side. That was beyond unnerving for him. It was also something that seemed to trigger a great many bad feelings and memories he didn't want to deal with either. Instead, though it was hard to do, he tried to remain focused and ensure that Harry didn't take the both of them through the damned portal. Looking around, he was trying to think what else he could do or if he could get help. There wasn't any, though. The danger being this close to the veil was something that would keep most away, especially with how Harry was struggling with him.

Wiggling, squirming and trying to get loose, all Harry was focused on was getting through the threshold to the other side, wanting his pain to end. He had suffered enough, tempted fate and done something he shouldn't have to remain here so it was time to move on. Nor was he going to let anyone stop him. “Lucius, just let me go,” Harry almost begged. “Let me go so I can move on.”

“No,” Lucius ground out emphatically, trying to take yet another step back. “This isn't the way to fix things, Harry! Let someone help you. Just stop and we'll find some way, somehow, to get you some help to make the pain stop. I promise! I'll be with you through all of it. Just don't do this!”

Fighting with all his might, using a strength he didn't think he had anymore, Harry took another step forward, teeth gritted, focusing on the beckoning voices from the veil. “Let me die, Lucius! You don't understand! It has to be this way. I have to go! I can't do this anymore!”

Feeling his grip loosen slightly because he was sweating so badly, Lucius tried to tighten it more, afraid to let go to try for a better one. Shaking his head, look of grim determination on his face, he whispered, “No! No, Harry.” Digging in his heels as best he could, he gave a heave and managed to get them back a couple more steps. Though the veil was still close, too close for Lucius' comfort, it was getting further away. Glancing around, he tried to see if the steps leading up to the abomination were close so he could take a step down, hoping that might throw both of their balance off and tumble them downwards, away from the danger. Though they were closer than before, it still wasn't near enough for him to try that.

Screaming in agony, Harry tried to lunge forward again, struggling with all his might to break free from Lucius' grip then let out a soft, agonizing sob when he couldn't manage. However, he wasn't going to give up either. “Let me die, please, for the sake of Merlin, let me die. I can't do this anymore,” he hitched, struggling, reaching one arm out to try to grab hold of the rippling veil, hoping that would be enough to take him.

Heart clenching at the agony he was hearing from Harry, Lucius felt a lump in his throat, but he just shook his head, refusing to let go. Whispering, as he jerked on Harry, moving them both back another step or so, “No, Harry.” Shutting his eyes, he called for the only being he could think of to help and hoped like hell Narcissa heard him then would do something if she could.

Reaching down, Harry grabbed hold of Lucius' hands and gave them a wrench, loosening them enough that he managed to squirm out of his grip though the older man still had a hold of his shirt then made a break for the veil.

All out panic engulfing him, Lucius reacted without thinking, lunging forward and tackling Harry, driving them both to the ground just inches from the veil. Looking up, he could see what was easily definable as hands reaching out for both of them. Eyes wide, heart hammering in his chest, he grabbed Harry just as one of the hands almost grasped the younger man and rolled them away. Clutching onto Harry as he started to struggle again, getting to his knees and starting to crawl to the veil, he tried to roll them further away. “Don't Harry, please! I won't lose you the way I did Narcissa. People here need you. I need you. You're my friend and I don't think I could stand to lose you this way.”

Bursting in with the wizard that had picked him up, Dudley pulled up short and gasped at what he saw. “Oh, bloody buggering hell!” He said, face going pale. “Harry, no!” He screamed at the top of his lungs then went to make his way in that direction as fast as he could only to be stopped by a couple people grabbing him.

“No! They're too close to the veil. If you try, you could end up sending them both through it,” Mr. Hedgethorn told him, grabbing onto the young man.

Looking at him, wide-eyed, Dudley said, “What the hell is wrong with you lot that you even have something like that let alone have people working around it?” The room itself was something that was giving him an eerie feeling, making his skin crawl and made him think of his encounter with that Dementor so many years before. He didn't know how in the hell Harry could stand to work here for so long.

Hedgethorn shook his head since he had no answers to give the young man that could explain it. Instead, he said, “Is there anyone else you can think of that might be able to talk to him or get him to calm down? We're going to take you closer so you can try, but the more help, the better.”

Thinking quickly, eyes locked on where Lucius was all but wrestling with Harry to keep him away from that tattered piece of cloth he said, “Ron and Hermione Weasley. He's an auditor, aero--, whatever you lot call the ones that catch bad wizards. She works in the government somewhere. Lucius' therapist said he could help. I don't know his name, though. Just-- we have to do something.” Dudley shouted, wanting to rush forward to help Lucius.

Nodding, Hedgethorn quickly sent off a couple people to round up the Weasley's and go to St. Mungos. As he knew the elder Malfoy was on parole and only a couple of therapists handled such cases, he was sure that they could grab the right one. Taking Dudley by the elbow, he led him closer then said, keeping his voice down, “Just try to talk to him. Buy us some time, something. Distract him so Mr. Malfoy can get him off the dais then we can help more.”

Nodding, determined, Dudley stepped as close as the wizard would let him then shouted, “Harry, mate! Don't do this! Come away from there and we'll talk! We'll help, I promise! Mate, I just got to know you and don't want to lose you now! Please, Harry! Don't make me watch you die after all the hell you've gone through!” Though he wasn't sure that was the right thing to say, Dudley was just going with the only things he could think of.

Stopping, Dudley waited to see if it would have any kind of effect at all on him but it didn't. Instead, Harry just seemed to be struggling more to reach the tattered piece of cloth that covered the archway, body shaking, trying to squirm away from Lucius. “No, mate, please! Don't leave us, Harry!” He screamed, heart hammering in his chest, lump in his throat. Never in his life had he felt so helpless as he did at the moment. There was, really, nothing he could say to stop this or make it better and no way to step in. He just had to hope like hell that something would come up.

Hearing Dudley, knowing they were mustering the troops, Harry let out an agonized, heart-felt sob of pain then made another grab for the veil, trying to squirm away from Lucius. Feeling tears sting his eyes, he felt like the pain was now something unbearable. This wasn't what he wanted to happen. He had never planned to make others watch him die. All he wanted was peace and to do this in a way that caused everyone else the least amount of distress. However, he wasn't going to stop. He had to finish this, finish it to make up for the mistakes of the past. Lunging with all his might,he made another attempt to latch on to the tattered curtain.

Baring his teeth, Lucius clung to the young man the best he could as he saw the veil blow closer to Harry's outstretched fingers. Then, doing the only thing he could think of, he wrapped his legs around Harry, holding onto him tightly and rolled the both of them over with a burst of strength he didn't know he had. Knowing the stairs had to be close, he kept rolling them, despite the agonized howls from Harry, hoping like hell they weren't far away. Though it would hurt going down, it was a far sight better than the alternative! Holding him tightly, he whispered, “Stay with me, Harry. If nothing else, do this for me and stay. I'll help, I promise. Anything you need. Just don't leave me the way Narcissa did.”

Letting out a gut-wrenching, agonized scream, Harry began to struggle once more, trying to get loose of Lucius' grip, still reaching for the veil though it was no longer within grasping range.

“Please, Harry,” Lucius begged softly, voice breaking from the emotion of that, “please don't do this. Let us help you. Don't leave us. Don't leave me.” Holding him as tightly as he could, he tried to keep going.

Going limp in Lucius' hold, Harry gave up. Letting out a heart-breaking sob, the tears began to stream down his face. “I just want to die. I want the pain to end. Please don't make me suffer anymore. Let me go.” However, his energy and strength were gone. He no longer had anything to keep up the struggle or even try again. Voice hitching, he just whispered, “Let me die, please. I just want it all to end and the pain to go away.”

Holding the younger man tightly, Lucius felt him go limp and knew he had his chance. Keeping himself wrapped around Harry the best he could, he managed to struggle into a sitting position then inch his way towards the stairs, keeping one eye on that damned veil. “We'll get you help, I swear. They can make the pain stop. I'll be with you every step of the way, Harry, you can count on it.” He reassured Harry in a soft voice, giving him a gentle squeeze while he did.

Completely spent, Harry shut his eyes, unable to stop the tears, and leaned against Lucius, letting him do what he was. He had no energy to fight it anymore.

When he felt the edge where the stairs were, Lucius cautiously unwrapped his legs from around Harry and turned them to where his feet were firmly on the stone steps. Making sure to keep a tight grip on him, he managed to get them both into a standing position then began to walk down the stairs on shaking legs, looking over to where Dudley was, jerking his head, hoping to get someone to help.

Just as Lucius was walking down the stairs with Harry and Dudley rushed over to help as some others gathered around, Hermione came running in, wand drawn, eyes wide. Though she had only been giving the basics of what was going on, it was enough to make her gut clench. “Harry,” she shrieked so loud her throat hurt, heading in that direction.

Stopping the younger witch, Mr. Hedgethorn said, softly, “Let them get him away from the dais. Then you can help.”

Wringing her hands, tears in her eyes, she looked around before taking a deep breath. “What happened?”

Just as Hedgethorn was about to answer, Ron came barreling in, a wild look on his face. Seeing who had a hold of his best friend, he snarled and began to head that direction, “What the hell are you doing, Malfoy!”

Grabbing the Auror's elbow before he could get any further, Mr. Hedgethorn told him firmly, “Don't! If it wasn't for Mr. Malfoy, Harry would have gone through the veil. He's just helping him, nothing more.”

Looking at the man, Ron sputtered, “What the hell?”

“Just calm down,” Hedgethorn schooled firmly. “Let me explain while they get Harry away from there.”

Putting a hand on Ron's arm, Hermione told him, tone firm, “Ronald, don't. Let's listen first. Then you can deal with things.”

Face red, eyes locked on the scene by the veil, Ron just nodded, saying nothing as the Unspeakable began to explain what was going on.

Though Lucius heard Weasley, he ignored him. Arms still wrapped around Harry, holding onto him for dear life, he had Dudley fish into his pocket for the calming draught then had the younger man dump it down Harry's throat. As Harry seemed to be completely spent, he didn't even fight them, swallowing it without a problem. Instead, he leaned against Lucius, eyes shut, tears still running down his face. Whispering softly, making sure only Dudley could hear, Lucius said, “We're here and not going anywhere, Harry. I promise. We'll make sure you get some help and that the pain stops.”

Nodding firmly, Dudley said, “Just as Lucius said, mate. We're not going anywhere, Harry. We're going to stick with you every step of the way.”

Feeling more exhausted than he had ever been in his life, Harry felt like his legs were going to give out on him. He had failed. Yet again he'd failed to finish something and do the right thing. He couldn't even get something as simple as offing himself right.

Looking at one of the others around, Lucius asked, softly, “Where can we take him?”

“Follow us,” one of the Unspeakables said, jerking his head towards the entrance of the room.

Unwrapping himself from around Harry, Lucius slipped one arm around his waist when it became readily apparent he probably wasn't going to make it on his own then had Dudley do the same thing. Slowly, they began to lead him out of the room.

“Mate, we're here for you, both of us,” Dudley told him softly as they walked.

“Indeed,” Lucius said with a firm nod.

Watching as the two men led Harry out of the room, Hermione's hands flew up to her mouth and tears began to run down her cheeks. “Harry,” she whispered brokenly.

Face pale, Ron slipped an arm around his wife and trailed behind.

Just as Lucius and Dudley stepped out of the room with Harry, Dr. Netherwood emerged from the Rotating Room. Seeing them, he looked at Lucius who gave him a pointed look. Determined look on his face, the psychologist nodded then trailed along. Just because he couldn't step in and do something directly when Lucius laid out the problems with Mr. Potter didn't mean he hadn't agonized many nights over it. Now, well, he might be able to do something. At least he hoped. That was going to be up to Mr. Potter.

Leading everyone to his office, Mr. Hedgethorn ushered Lucius, Dudley and Harry in then looked at the Doctor. “Go with them and see what you can do. We'll wait here.”

Nodding, Roddy stepped into the office and shut the door behind him.

Standing there, arm around Hermione, holding her close, Ron looked at the Unspeakable then asked, tone uneven, “Malfoy saved him?”

“If Lucius hadn't snagged onto him, Harry would have gone through the veil,” Hedgethorn told him firmly. “In fact, I was sure Harry was going to take Mr. Malfoy through the veil right along with him a couple times.”

Giving a shaky nod, Ron let out a shuddering breath then shook his head. “Alright, how did he even get involved in this?” With what he remembered of Lucius Malfoy, he was sure something was rotten here.

“Dudley contacted him to help until he could get here,” the Unspeakable told him. Then he ran the Auror through what happened.

When he finished, Hermione was in tears and Ron was even more pale than before.

Looking at the two, Hedgethorn said, “Lucius did nothing wrong. In fact, he's probably the only reason your friend is still here.”

Nodding, Hermione said, tone watery, “I understand. I'll talk to Dudley when we get Harry home and get the whole story of what's going on.”

Gently, the Unspeakable told them, “I'll go do the paperwork to put Harry on a leave of absence. He's going to need about six months off. When that's over, we'll talk and see what he wants to do.” Handing the young man's phone and wand off to the witch he said, “See that he gets those.”

Taking them then clutching them to her chest, Hermione nodded then whispered, “I will.”

Holding his wife close, Ron didn't say anything, staring at the shut door. Never in his life would he have thought Harry would do something like this. His best friend was the strongest person he knew. Now he had to wonder if there were some signs, somewhere, he should have seen that would have told him things were going pear shaped. However, since they hadn't seen Harry much since the kids were getting bigger, he wasn't sure he would have seen anything. That made the guilt even worse. Harry had needed him and Hermione, both, and they hadn't been there.

After about twenty minutes, the door to the office finally opened. Harry was, once more, leaning on Lucius with Dudley by his side. Dr. Netherwood was trailing behind them. Though groggy and very out of it, Harry was mostly walking on his own but needed some support from Lucius.

Looking at the two standing there, Dudley said, softly, “Ron, mate? Can you take me to fetch my car? Then we'll both go to Harry's house.” When he saw the redhead nod, he then looked at Hermione, “Can you take Dr. Netherwood to Grimmauld Place? Harry is going to let him through the protections. He's agreed to talk to him a bit. Lucius will get Harry there and you can meet up.”

Looking at her old friend, Hermione felt more tears but swallowed them and nodded, “I will.” Clutching onto the cell and Harry's wand like they were a lifeline, she stepped closer and held them out for Harry, hands shaking. “We'll meet you there, Harry,” she said gently, looking at him.

Though having problems keeping his eyes open, Harry took them and nodded. “Thanks,” he told her, voice having a weary tone to it.

Unable to resist, Hermione hugged him tightly then whispered, “It's all going to be fine, Harry.”

Giving her a one-armed hug, Harry didn't say anything, just nodding, feeling more tears fill his eyes.

Breaking it off, Hermione swiped her own eyes then said, “Go on, we'll meet you there.”

Nodding to the bushy haired witch, Lucius said, “Come on, Harry. Let's get you home.” Then he began to lead the younger man to the Rotating Room. Once there, he Apparated them away with a loud crack.

Swiping her eyes again, Hermione looked at the Doctor and tried to smile then said, “I'll get you there. Come on.”

Nodding to the witch, Roddy smiled, “Thank you, Mrs. Weasley.” Looking over at Dudley, he said, “I'll talk to him more when I get there then I think I'm going to need to talk with the rest of you as well. I just want you prepared for this to take some time.”

“Whatever you need,” Dudley told him with a firm nod. Looking at Ron, he said, “Come on, mate, I'll give you the address. Let's do this so we can get there as fast as we can.”

“Alright,” Ron said with a determined nod. “While you drive, I want to know what the bloody hell is going on.”

“I'll fill you in on the way,” Dudley assured him.

Please review!
- 11
- 12
- 13
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Survivor's Guilt