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You Will Not Kiss Me	By : Prosperosdaughter Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 22836 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
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Chapter 12: Misgivings & Fulfilment

Snape had done his best to Occlude his mind overnight. Even though he was confident he had dealt with the werewolf conclusively until he had time to work on some mind bindings, the opposite face of that coin was that he had trussed up Lupin and taken him like a whore. Lupin may have said he understood the circumstances, but Snape was convinced that Lupin must resent it, given how vulnerable he was feeling. Snape's conviction was gnawing at his gut. It had taken him a long time to meditate to calm himself and he did that because he was concerned even his worry could cause Lupin distress.

This turmoil of distress and worry seemed to Snape to be the price he had to pay for the ecstasy he found in Lupin as he veered between the haven that Lupin had fast become to him, and the realisation that he could be the making of Lupin's hell. He could not allow himself time to wallow. To keep Lupin healthy (even if selfishly to continue to enjoy him), he had to Occlude his mind. He managed eventually.

However, as early as the moon wards would allow the next morning, Snape let himself back into Lupin's quarters to check on him, thinking he should have at least an hour before Poppy came to call.

Lupin was curled up asleep on the floor next to his own bed. This must have been how he had slept during the night as the wolf. He didn't look in any way uncomfortable, only very pale, and Snape quickly skimmed over his body and could see no wounds. He sat next to him on the floor and stroked his hair gently, casting his diagnosis charm over him. Lupin's core was not as strong as Snape had left it, but that was to be expected after the transformation. He quickly scanned his own but was disappointed that his seemed to be greater than normal. What the wolf had told him had made him feel like a cannibal or a vampire and he was determined to keep an eye on this, but he didn't understand yet how it was happening.

He moved Lupin into his arms so he could hold Lupin to his chest again to try to fortify his core with the chant. He did this for over a quarter of an hour, before Lupin started to wake, although still very groggy.

"Come, Remus," Snape said gently. "Let's get you to bed." Snape helped him to his feet and to the bed and then laid Lupin's wand on the bedside table.

Lupin managed a groggy smile. "Sev'rus," he whispered, his throat parched. "Come to bed," he said weakly. Snape helped Lupin with a glass of water.

"Nothing I'd like better, Remus, but I'd rather not give Poppy the fright of her life," he smirked, handing Lupin a pair of pyjama bottoms.

"Unfortunately, Severus, I grew up with Poppy Pomfrey dressing me after my transformations, not to mention the last two months. Modesty is not a luxury I have enjoyed with her." Lupin laughed softly as Snape assisted him into the cotton trousers.

"Nevertheless," Snape said, with one eyebrow raised, "it will spare my blushes at least." Snape scanned the both of them again and Lupin's core was improved, but not normal yet.

He heard a split second before he saw the fire blaze green and he quickly disillusioned himself and moved out into the sitting room. He listened to the one-sided conversation coming from the bedroom.

"Remus, good morning. Good, I'm pleased you got yourself into bed this time. I was worried about you after last month. Oh, but you look much better. How was everything?"

He could just hear Lupin. "Much better, Poppy." Long pause and a rustling of bed clothes. "I don't think I've injured myself at all."

"I'll be the judge of that, young man." Then all he heard was rustling, until, "I wonder how you got that bruise to your jaw. Do you remember?"

Snape's hand shot up to his jaw: he'd forgotten the wolf's punch. He'd put bruise balm on himself last night and a dab of dittany to his lip – there was nothing to show for the wolf's two marks, except on Lupin himself, carrying the injuries he'd inflicted on Snape. There was an ample illustration of the punishment thresholds. Well, he supposed that made sense to stop an "object" hurting its supposed master.

"Not really, Poppy," he heard Lupin say quietly.

"Oh and a little cut to your lip. Easily sorted." More rustling and a clink of phials. Snape moved to stand in the open door so he could watch as well as listen.

"Well, you're more exhausted than I'd like but it does seem a real improvement on last month. What do you think?" Poppy was still casting her diagnosis spells.

"Very much Poppy," Lupin was smiling his small smile at the witch bustling around him.

"Are you ready for breakfast yet?" Poppy said brightly.

"Um ... Severus said he'd join me for breakfast so he could do his notes for the Wolfsbane Potion. I think I'll wait for him," Lupin said, taking a further sip of water that the witch proffered, although Snape was positive he saw the twitch of a suppressed smile behind the glass, and Snape raised an eyebrow in surpise at his lover's easy lie, but was pleased Lupin was making it known to Snape he wanted him to stay and wondered again whether Poppy was taken in.

"Very well then." Snape watched her closely but could discern nothing. "I'll report to the Headmaster that this month is an improvement. He's been very concerned. He may drop by later." Popply started to put her phials away in her cloak.

"Thank you Poppy," Lupin said meekly. "If the Headmaster does want to visit, could he leave it until this afternoon? I'm really very tired." Snape grinned. Deftly done, Remus.

"Of course, dear," Poppy smiled indulgently and patted his hand. "I'll tell him. I'll pop by before dinner." And with that, Poppy Floo'd back to the infirmary wing.

Snape removed the Disillusionment charm and smiled at Lupin from the doorway.

"Will you come to bed now, Severus?" Lupin asked.

"I thought I should get you some breakfast first." He called for an early breakfast from the house-elves, which arrived shortly after. Snape dished up a portion of porridge for Lupin and poured him tea and then helped him to sit up in bed, before helping himself to the same and sitting in the bedside chair.

As they ate, Lupin regarded Snape shrewdly. "Severus, you are troubled. Talk to me."

Snape stopped eating and thought carefully. "I am," he said. "I am troubled about what I did to you yesterday. About what I'm doing to you every day." He put his bowl aside, his appetite extinguished and looked at Lupin frankly. "I do not want you to hate me." His eyes flicked quickly down to his hands. He realised he suddenly felt very vulnerable himself, although given their different situations, he felt he really did not have that right.

Lupin finished his small meal and put his own bowl aside. "Our situation is not an easy one, Severus. But we cannot deny we've been complicit in it to a degree. We have carried on our relationship because it has given us no small amount of pleasure, really when we should have exercised restraint and perhaps sought assistance from Albus. You and I believed we were equal to it, I think because deep down, we didn't want to deny ourselves. It's human nature, is it not." Lupin smiled at Snape and continued.

"Thank you for being contrite at least even though we both know we didn't need sex to equalise our cores. That said, had I wanted to try bondage, then I'm pleased it was you and in the most excellent cause of soundly embarrassing that bloody wolf!" Lupin's smile broadened. "I admit though, I would have preferred something gentler than ship's rigging, possibly in the line of silk instead." Snape smiled back with a small laugh.

Lupin's face became serious again. "We are where we are, Severus. Every day you take me and it feels like a marvel, yet we both know it is Dark magic that cements the bond. Every night I take you, you make my body sing and my heart leap, and yet we know you only let me because we are enchanted. Do you recall how foul you found me not two months ago?" Snape's breath felt like it was snatched away by what Lupin had said. He knew he had thought badly of Lupin, but struggled to comprehend it now. He couldn't countenance reverting to hating Lupin. Surely, it wasn't all the Thrall. Surely, he himself had changed?

"It's not the same, Remus, although I appreciate that you are trying to think well of me." Snape stood and sat on the bed and held Lupin's hands. "I'm scared what I could do to you but even being that scared, I want to do it anyway. I feel so weak, and yet it makes me feel so strong. It is almost too much for my mind to cope with."

Lupin squeezed his hands and leant forward and kissed him lightly. "It's too much for me too. But I still want you to come to bed."

Snape placed extra wards on the rooms for privacy, undressed and joined Lupin in bed. Snape half hoped Lupin wouldn't ask him to renew the Thrall as he was uncomfortable taking Lupin when he was so weak. But Lupin pressed close to Snape and kissed him lightly and then turned so that his back was against Snape's chest, and all Snape's noble misgivings were pushed from his mind in an instant by his deep yearning to possess Lupin.

Lupin reached back his right arm so that he could stroke Snape's hair, and Snape kissed Lupin's neck as Snape eased off the pyjama trousers he had so recently put on Lupin. He held Lupin to his chest, chanting his name, and, not needing to prepare his lover for long, pushed in gently, each man moaning at the perfect feel of it. Barely had their union started than the vortex began, before the men were even near to climax. The tumult languorously drew their orgasms from them in waves and was still the fierce and perfect union of their cores, but in their rapture they were also enveloped each other's tenderness. As the vortex thrummed as it subsided, the remaining tenderness comforted Lupin in his weakness and it comforted Snape in his soul.

The men lay together, basking in perfect contentment and gradually Snape stirred, and pulled Lupin fully into his arms. It seemed in no time at all, Lupin had fallen asleep in his arms, and Snape was grateful and enjoyed the feel of him and stroked his hair whilst he thought.

Snape had come to see the vortex as the heart of the Thrall itself. It surely demonstrated now that it had responded to them, or at least to Snape, in changing its nature to bring its extraordinary pleasure to both men, whilst ensuring Lupin had not been punished physically due to his weakness. Snape was profoundly grateful for this adaptation. He had been fearful in renewing the Thrall he could injure Lupin, even though he knew it would ultimately strengthen Lupin.

Snape was starting to feel that he was taking advantage of the necessity of the act. For days, it had felt like the ultimate gift to take this man who Snape found so attractive and who was so willing, and feel their ecstasy combine but now he was beginning to hate himself for wanting it so much, knowing it had endangered Lupin.

How much did Lupin need it? How much did he want it? Ah, the real question was: how much was Lupin obliged to feel both those things? Snape supposed he now considered that Lupin's desire was actually compulsion. It upset Snape. He realised he was hurt. He wanted Lupin to desire him without the Thrall and there was no way he could know if he would. You are never happy, his sly voice told him. You have never been more contented, and yet you cast doubt on it all. But his sly voice wasn't right, was it? It was true he had never been so contented, but of course he cast doubt on it. Their whole relationship was built on a slave enchantment and he held Lupin's safety in an unquantified balance. His conscience was troubling him very badly indeed.

When Lupin awoke a couple of hours later, he asked Snape again to talk to him about his troubles.

"What makes you think I'm concerned," Snape said, still holding Lupin in his arms.

"Oh," said Lupin lightly, "a small matter of a bond enchantment that sends your feelings directly to my gut." He turned himself out of Snape's arms to look at him. Snape's brow furrowed. "I know you are distressed. Is it what we discussed this morning?" Lupin stroked Snape's cheek with his hand, and they faced each other on the bed, hands held lightly.

Snape told him as honestly as he could of his reservations and fears. He had become used to speaking of his feelings to Lupin, something he could not have done before. He had assumed it was the Thrall, but Lupin did not agree.

"I know the Thrall enabled the relationship we have, Severus," Lupin said gently, looking Snape in the eyes candidly. "I'm under no illusions as to what your feelings were about me before this happened. But through it, we have got to know each other probably more intimately than I think either of us could have imagined. You have shown me your body and soul, Severus, and I care for both very deeply. I don't believe my feelings in that regard are the work of the Thrall." Snape's mind was reeling and his stomach clenched, but he didn't doubt Lupin's veracity for one moment.

"I don't pretend to be happy that my well-being is in a somewhat precarious position as we don't know the thresholds of the Thrall, but I don't blame you for that." Lupin cast his eyes down momentarily, and swallowed audibly and then his eyes met Snape's again. "I have seen that you have tried to respect and protect me and I trust you."

Snape found he had no words for how elated and yet how humbled he felt at this moment as he regarded the shining blue eyes that smiled fondly at him now. He could do nothing more than kiss Lupin fiercely and hope the meaning of that kiss was understood.

Snape had taught Lupin the charm to check his core and insisted that he perform it every hour and make a note of its reading, and Snape would do likewise, so that they could try to piece together how and when Snape was draining Lupin's core. Silently, it made Snape quite fearful that he was utterly unaware that he was doing anything and therefore incapable of controlling it and, so far, they had not been able to trace any logic to it although it was undeniably happening. Snape hated to admit it, but he had to be grateful to the wolf for alerting them to the seriousness of the situation.

It was Lupin who eventually found the obscure reference to the appropriation of the magical core and it was in the original book that Lupin had brought to Snape's chambers all those weeks ago. It wasn't in the chapter under Thralls but in the Miscellaneous Usages of Dark Beasts chapter.

In this book, it was envisaged that all Dark creatures could be utilised for a wizard's benefit, whether as slave labour, sexual, manual or whatever the wizard required, or as farmed commodities. This particular chapter posited that those beasts of particularly strong magical cores, such as magical werewolves (not Muggle), centaurs, and the like, could be farmed and their magical cores as good as milked to supplement a wizard's to give him greater power. It had not been contemplated in any of the books' chapters on Thralls, so it looked as if this had been the inventive addition of the caster of the Thrall.

"Our caster's really got it in for me," remarked Lupin glumly as he read this out to Snape. "Or rather Albus. Imagine if such a thing were discovered, how someone like Malfoy would make mileage out of a claim that Albus was only so powerful because he "milked" his werewolf bondsman. It's beyond foul, Severus," Lupin said, shaking his head and pushing the book aside.

"It certainly is," Snape agreed gently, "and it's also fiendishly clever." He took the book and continued to read the most detailed chapter on the casting required. "But it occurs to me that as it is not an integral part of the Thrall casting that perhaps we may be able to break that part of the enchantment on its own." Snape's mouth drew to a thin line of concentration. "Compared with the Thrall, Remus, this would be a relatively simple counter-curse and I'm sure we can work it between us. We should concentrate on this as it would remove the most injurious threat to you,"

Of all the component parts of the Thrall that they had discovered, this was the part that had upset him the most as he would benefit in direct proportion to any injury inflicted on Lupin.

He and Lupin worked through this enchantment solidly in their free time for the next fortnight and when they were sure they had worked out the last of the counter-enchantment, and the attendant complex wand movements, they resolved to try to break the appropriation curse the following weekend. Only Snape could cast it, according to the book so, in this, Lupin would have to trust him to work it.

They resolved to cast the counter-curse on the first Sunday which also coincided with the waxing of the moon. They cleared the furniture from Snape's drawing room and Lupin sat on the floor before him. Snape began to cast the counter-curse with its choreographed wand movements. Half way through the counter-curse, his own core began to pulse with silver light and Lupin's with blue. The pulsing snaked around each man, causing each man to tremble slightly. Neither had been aware this would happen, but Snape's concentration did not break and he continued in the casting. The pulsing then travelled and pulsed around the other man, and their trembling increased. Snape was perspiring now and he struggled to maintain the casting but he persevered. The full counter-curse took half an hour to cast and when Snape finally brought the casting to an end as the trembling subsided and the pulsing lights retreated to the other man's core. He dropped down to his knees, exhausted and Lupin crawled over to him, placing his arm around his shoulder to try to steady him and then to hold him close.

Lupin had showered and left Snape's chambers for his own and then for breakfast before the school day started. Snape was showering and turning over their successful casting in his mind and how pleased he was they had been relieved of that immediate danger of unwittingly draining Lupin's core. They had tested their cores following the casting and for the rest of the day, and it seemed that there were no fluctuations. When they renewed the Thrall this morning, he had chanted because it increased their ecstasy in the vortex but they didn't need to equalise their cores. Snape had felt an enormous burden lift from him, for which he was very grateful.

Suddenly, he felt overcome with a feeling he really hadn't felt before. It was an extraordinary feeling. It made him feel slightly giddy as if he could giggle. Well, he didn't believe he'd ever giggled in his life and he wasn't going to give into the notion now. But what was it?

He dried himself, dressed and collected his lesson plans for the day, and quickly looked at Lupin's timetable for today. They both finished early. Hmmmmm.

Could it really be ... he felt ...yes, he did. He felt...

Mischievous.

He'd seen the last of his Gryffindors and Slytherins out of their Potions lesson, determined not to let their usual abysmal performance ruin his good mood and his plans for the rest of the afternoon. He made his preparations and then sat at his desk and concentrated on Lupin, really rather hard, a mischievous grin spreading across his face and heavy, thick and hot desire pooling in his groin as soon as he allowed it. He had never purposefully exercised the Call before, but now he tried, it was almost palpable from his groin to his gut outwards.

Within five minutes, Lupin strode through his class room door, looking stunned. Snape wandlessly locked the door and completed the warding he started earlier and stood up from his chair.

"You Called me!" Lupin said breathily. "You just Called me to you. Just now."

"I did," Snape said, one eyebrow raised. His heart beating fast and his knees weakening at the sight of Lupin whose eyes were fully dilated, and was clearly very aroused.

"I ... I ... it was so strong!" Lupin was struggling, now standing in front of Snape. "I thought something was wrong. I don't know why. I .. I..." Lupin stared at Snape wide-eyed. "You've never done that deliberately before. I knew it was deliberate. I could tell."

"It was very deliberate," Snape said silkily. "You see, someone once told me his fantasy." He tilted his head and smiled a half smile at Lupin. "It appears that we have some time free this afternoon, so ... well, I thought you might like..." Lupin stopped the rest of the sentence with his mouth, kissing him hard and pulling his waist to him.

"Are we private?" he asked hoarsely as he pushed Snape back over his desk, manoeurvring himself to stand between Snape's legs and moving him slightly down the desk

"Very."

Still standing, Lupin ran his wand slowly down the many buttons at the front of Snape's robe, and each opened as the wand passed. He parted Snape's robe gently and gasped almost in wonder that Snape was, indeed, quite naked underneath. The look on Lupin's face was one of the sexiest things Snape thought he had ever seen, especially because Lupin was looking at him.

"Merlin, Severus," he gasped and smiled lasciviously and pushed the palms of his hands up from Snape's waist to his chest and down the sides of his torso, making Snape's back arch and then started to kiss and suck on his exposed neck, moving his open robe just slightly off Snape's shoulder to bite the joint gently and then run his tongue along his clavicle. His hands still ministering to Snape's sensitive sides, Snape's back still arching, Lupin kissed and sucked at Snape's prone adam's apple as his head was thrown back, sighing with pleasure, as Lupin's robe's rubbed over Snape's exposed genitals with deliciously slow friction.

Lupin then kissed and sucked on Snape's chest whilst his hands moved down, opening his own robe and trousers and then moved Snape's legs wide, his left arm placed under Snape's thigh keeping it high, whilst using the hand to brace himself, and his right hand preparing Snape with his fingers. Snape's sighs became ragged gasps as Lupin moved his fingers deep and fast to excite him. Lupin then thrust himself in full length, making Snape's back arch fully with the sharp fullness of it, and Snape himself moaned loudly. He threw his arm back to grasp the top edge of the desk to brace himself.

Lupin grasped Snape's free hand and wrapped it around Snape's own erection. "In time with me," he growled. Lupin, still standing straight and now using his right hand to hold Snape's hip firmly, rolled into his thrusts deep and hard and fast. Snape was thrilled by the roughness of it, by the naked and unglossed desire he could see in Lupin's eyes. The relentless pace Lupin set hit his prostate over and over and over, stoking his already hot desire and eventually tipping him into his fierce orgasm. He cried out, as Lupin's continued to thrust into him, clearly in a frenzy of his own passion, until he called out Snape's name in a harsh cry, and then slowed his pace, Snape feeling the powerful ejaculation pulsing into him.

Lupin then leant forward, relaxing somewhat but not totally, and kissed Snape fully and slowly, breaking the kisses to rub his face against his own, repeating his name gently. As their breath calmed, he stood again, still holding Snape in place, a slight tremor in his thighs. Snape lifted his upper body onto his elbows and watched Lupin looking at the scene in front of him as if imprinting it on his mind.

"This is a picture I want to remember for my long, cold nights, Severus. I want to remember every detail," he said, his voice husky and his small smile playing around his mouth. He picked up his wand and cleansed Snape's stomach and his own robes that had become stained and then put his wand down again and adjusted Snape's body with his own. Lupin's erection had not fully deflated and he was still inside Snape and Snape felt Lupin's cock twitch at the movement. He looked down to see the root of Lupin's shaft still inside him and he couldn't deny that he found it very arousing.

"Is it your intention to impale me on this desk permanently?" he drawled, realising from the look on Lupin's face that he had every intention of taking him again.

"Not permanently, Severus, but certainly for a while yet," Lupin smiled and leant forward to kiss him. "It is, as you recall, my fantasy," he whispered and began to kiss Snape's neck again and started to push into him, gently this time. Snape gasped as he felt Lupin's erection begin to grow inside him with each thrust ad felt his desire rekindle in kind. But this time, Lupin was gentle and his love-making almost languid, kissing Snape's face and neck lovingly whilst his hand ensured that Snape came in time with him.

When Lupin finally disengaged from Snape (which he seemed reluctant to do), he slumped onto Snape's chair and pulled Snape onto his lap. He chuckled as he fingered the buttons on Snape's open robe and then stroked Snape's stomach gently as Snape leant his head on Lupin's own.

"What is funny now, Remus," Snape mock-chided.

"Even this picture is almost too sexy to resist," he continued to chuckle, still caressing Snape's stomach through his open robe. "Where are the rest of your clothes?"

"In my office. You'll be pleased to know I did not teach my classes in a state of semi-nudity." Snape did his best to sound scornful, but suspected he had failed as Lupin nuzzled his neck, chuckling still.

"Thank you, Severus," he said quietly into his hair. Snape smiled to himself. He felt for the first time, he and Lupin could conquer the Thrall, even it was step by step. They had vanquished the appropriation curse, and Snape had been very careful of his moods. The way he felt at the moment, he could not think of anything that could make him angry enough to hurt Lupin.
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You Will Not Kiss Me