Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

I just wanted to ask	By : evil-minded Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 31281 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 11
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character from it, Rowling does … I do not make any money out of Harry Potter either, again – Rowling does … I however do own Herbaceous VanHarkins – but I don’t make money of him also … :D …

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Author's Notes:

Uhm … ok … I have to admit … English is not my language by birth … so … please do not kill me while reading … neither for the bad English I use, nor for what I am writing …

And yes, I really would appreciate it, if you would honor my work with a short review as I always will honor your comments with an answer … Answers to reviews you have given or the chance to discuss the story you can find here: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php/topic/34437-review-replies-for-i-just-wanted-to-ask/

Warning:

Story contains references to child abuse:

Child abuse is a really serious thing, it is an evil thing and there are a lot of children in our world that really would need help without being helped, and closing our eyes and pretending it does not exist – is no solution … handle people, children as well as adults, which are showing any signs – whichever – of once being abused … with understanding and with help …

what does not mean I am not as evil as I pretend to be … ^.~ … believe me – I am …

Story contains adult stuff:

Especially sex between two men … as there is Harry Potter – a male – having sex with Severus Snape – another male … what means those gay things … not to mention that the relationship between the two of them is one based on BDSM …

Don't like it, don't read it …

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Previously in I just wanted to ask

He watched the boy for a second or two longer with his dark and right now severe eyes, before he extended his hand and gently took the mistreated cloak from the boy's hands. He enjoyed it when the boy was slightly anxious, yes, when he was nervous, when he was squirming under his gaze. But not like this. Not like this lost and troubled unsureness.

Wordlessly he held the cardigan out so the boy could slip into the sleeves and then he simply placed a hand on the teenager's shoulder and wordlessly led him out of his private quarters, through the dungeons and out of the castle to the apparition point behind the gates.

I just wanted to ask

Chapter twelve

Diagon Alley

He had known that Harry most likely wouldn't take it that well if he went with him into a shop for clothes right away, still remembering the shame and guilt he had felt coming from the brat after he had given him the cardigan, and so he had taken him into the supermarket first. He needed to restock his kitchen supplies anyway.

But right now he wondered if this really had been the right decision and he had to admit that he was more than just annoyed. They only had entered the supermarket a few minutes ago and he already wondered if he really should have taken Potter to muggle London for shopping, the boy working his way through the supermarket in a zigzag pattern.

"Tea will be in the next row, Potter." He said, pointing to the row he knew he would find the required sorts of tea. Yes, he quite often went shopping in this special supermarket, knowing that he wouldn't find everything he wanted to buy in wizarding London – and surely not his favorite blend of tea.

The boy in front of him nodded, his eyes scanning the area, Snape noticed, wondering why the brat constantly did so since the moment they had entered the shop and he sighed at the thought that he had practically had to shove the teen in front of him in order to keep him from shuffling along behind him while he followed the boy who went towards the destined row of shelves.

But Harry suddenly stopped and Snape nearly ran into him – not for the first time, that was, and he was lifting his eyebrow at the teenager who stood there frowning, nearly looking afraid, but before he could have said anything the boy had turned and went to the next row of shelves to his left.

Snape blinked at the teen in confusion. The tea they needed was in this corridor Harry just had abandoned. Yet – well, he followed him into the next one, what could he do otherwise? They were in muggle London, yes, but he nevertheless didn't want to leave the boy out of his eyesight. Even here, there might be some Death Eaters around, never mind how small the chances were. And he didn't want to take any risks, never mind how unlikely those risks might be.

The teenager turned into this parallel corridor and went along the shelves without looking at them until he had reached the end of it and then he turned to his right and – Severus narrowed his eyes in confusion – Harry went into the corridor with the tea they wanted, he went into this row of shelves just from the other side, from the far end of it.

"Why the larger road, Potter?" Snape drawled, still annoyed, startling the teenager who jumped nearly a foot into the air and closed his eyes for a moment in relief when he recognized the Potions Master standing beside him.

The younger wizard just shrugged his shoulders and Snape could see tiredness in the teen's green eyes. Tiredness and a fear that had nothing to do with their relationship, it was a real fear, one that he could feel coming from the boy, and one he didn't like at all.

Well, they got the tea and then went back to the main corridor to get the cereals Harry always had at breakfast.

Yet again, after pointing at the line of shelves where they would get them, the boy stopped like dead in his steps, before he turned and went to the next corridor and again Snape followed him, shaking his head in annoyance and confusion. What in Merlin's name was this insufferable, insolent little brat playing at? Well, no – the brat didn't play at anything, that much was sure, even if he didn't know why the younger wizard was behaving in such a strange and definitely annoying way, he knew that he didn't play at anything. So – what in Merlin's name was the teen's problem?

He was about to follow Harry into this row, preparing himself to get along it to the end just to reach the one with the cereals from the other side, but he nearly ran into the boy again and he growled darkly. What was it now?

"What is it now, Potter?" He asked, watching the teenager and noticing slight signs of panic and despair on the boy's pale and tired face, in the much too large green eyes, while he stared into the small corridor and he narrowed his eyes at him. He looked into the corridor himself, but there was noting wrong. Shelves lined both sides, with jam, chocolate cream and peanut butter on one side and with toast, rolls and bread on the other side. A young man was grabbing a glass of jam while an older woman studied the different sorts of toast. There was nothing on the floor and the corridor wasn't blocked either. There was absolutely nothing wrong.

The teenager however didn't answer and just shook his head while turning on his heels, quickly walking back to the corridor with the cereals. Harry quickly peered into it but then crossed the line of shelves and approached the next one on the other side and Snape again narrowed his eyes at the sigh of relief the boy gave away while finally turning into this corridor and hurrying along the shelves without paying attention to them until – again he reached the end and then turned left and approached the shelves that held the cereals, again from the far end, finally turning into this corridor.

They got the cereals they needed and again the brat turned on his heels, seemingly about to go back to the main corridor, but again while going the long road, the box with cereals cradling tightly to his chest as if this box could safe his life. But this time Snape was prepared and he remained standing where he was, placing his hands on the boy's shoulders to keep him in place.

"Potter!" Snape snapped, feeling the slight trembling of the boy's shoulders, seeing the disturbed look in the teen's eyes, and noticing the brat jumping nearly out of his pants at the touch this time. "This way, Potter!" He sternly said, pointing towards the main corridor that lay just ahead of them. "I won't have you leading me through this place while walking detours over detours."

"But … there's someone standing over there." The teen stated, hesitantly, unsurely, his voice small.

"And this is a problem?" Snape asked confused and annoyed, and – he had to admit – a bit worried. "You surely will not disturb the woman if you pass her."

He thought over the past few minutes and the teenager's strange behavior he had watched and he recognized that actually the boy had chosen his way completely avoiding – and successfully so, he had to admit – any human contact. The boy actually had went into the next row – sometimes even into the next after that one, or two corridors back – whenever someone had been standing in the row of shelves they needed something from and thus his line of path had been a rather uncoordinated one, a zigzagging one and slowly the Potions Master began to understand. Harry avoided the people wherever he could.

Tightening his grip on Harry's shoulder Snape directed him in a straight line towards the main corridor and he felt the reluctance in the brat's steps, the stiffening in the already tense shoulders of the teenager to a point where he thought that the little muscles that were there would snap at any moment. The boy even seemed to struggle for a moment when he led him past the woman that didn't even pay any attention to them, that was no danger to them, and he had to strengthen his grip on his shoulder even more then to keep him from breaking away and turning right away for the longer way over the parallel corridor.

What in Merlin's name was wrong with that boy? What did the boy fear? They were simply shopping!

Honestly, he was an attentive and a careful man and he knew it, but Harry right now would make even Mad Eye Moody being jealous of his ability to show 'constant vigilance'.

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Leading Harry into the Jeans shop Snape hoped that there wouldn't be too much people in there and he nearly gave a sigh of relief when he noticed that the shop was indeed empty of human beings aside from the shop owner that greeted him with an inclining of his head as he always did when he bought some muggle clothing here.

"Ah, Mr. Snape." The young man said. "How might I be of help today? I didn't expect you back so soon."

"I am not here for myself this time." Snape answered, his hand still on Harry's shoulder, the boy looking up at him curiously. Maybe because he had been greeted with Mr. instead of Professor, or maybe because he had told the shop owner that he wasn't here for himself this time. He hadn't yet told Potter of his intention for today after all. "We are here for this young man here, Mr. Alison."

"Oh, well." The young Mr. Alison smiled at Harry and Snape had to keep from growling darkly at him. "And what can I do for this young man?"

"We simply will browse through your shop a bit by our own." Snape said, sure that Harry only would feel uncomfortable with the young Alison hovering over their necks – not to mention that he felt a strange and rather strong sense of jealousy creeping up his own spine the moment Alison looked his brat over from head to toe – and so he simply led the teenager deeper into the shop, again noticing the internal struggle, the hesitation and the panic that seemed to well up in the boy.

"Why are we here?" The teen asked, turning and looking up at him unsurely and for a moment Snape felt a strange pain in his chest as all the boy's fears washed over him.

"Did you not listen, Harry?" He asked, trying to keep his voice even and calm. "I want you to pick out a few things. Jeans, shirts and a few t-shirts. Not to mention a pullover or two and most importantly, a jacket. This might be a Jeans shop, but other items are sold here as well."

"But I don't have any money with me." Harry said. "We should go to Gringotts first."

Well, he had known that this might come up and he knew that they might be quite at the beginning of an argument – of their first argument. He would not retreat however.

"Gringotts surely will not be sufficient as we are in muggle London and wizarding money surely will not be accepted here. And neither will it be even necessary, Mr. Potter." He said, straightening himself and preparing himself for the boy's anger. "It is not your place to see to your needs and it never should have been either."

"But it isn't your place either, sir." The teenager looked at him confused and he was shaking his head.

"As it is, Harry, it actually is my place." He said. "Or have you forgotten that you are in a relationship with me and that you are the junior partner in this relationship? Have you forgotten that I, as the senior partner in this relationship, am responsible for not only your safety and your well being but for your needs as well? And that does not only contain food and a bed to sleep in, but clothes and school supplies as well as books and other things a young man such as yourself is in need of."

"But that isn't right!" The teenager protested. "I always have looked after myself! I always have cared for …"

"I do not care if you have done so in the past, Mr. Potter." Snape growled darkly, getting into his teaching mode. "It never should have been your responsibility in the first place, but rest assured, it surely will not continue this way! And if you are quite done with your temper tantrum, then we can continue and be over with this."

Nodding with a defeated sigh Harry turned back towards the clothing in the shop, a nearly desperate and helpless expression on his face and again Snape had to shake his head. Well, the boy never before had been provided with proper clothing and if he was right, then those clothes he actually had gotten from his relatives had been hand me downs from this obese cousin of Potter's, what would explain the fact that they were ten times too big for the boy to begin with.

Harry didn't dare to touch any of the clothes and he felt more uncomfortable than even the moment Snape had kissed him for the first time yesterday. This was more than just frightening and it was more than just awkward, Snape buying clothes for him, it was right out embarrassing. The man wasn't supposed to buy him clothes. But he also knew that it wouldn't be possible to fight Snape. It never was.

"You actually will have to touch some of those clothes if you want to choose some." He heard Snape's voice behind him and – not for the first time this day – he jumped.

"But I don't know … I don't know which one." He said, turning towards the older wizard hoping he wouldn't look as lost as he right now felt and hoping that he found any way out of this and being still sane at the end of it. "I don't know how." He added in a small whisper, looking down at the floor beneath his feet. He wasn't used to this. He never before had been in a shop for clothes aside from Madam Malkin's twice, once before first year and once before third year. He hadn't been growing much over the years and it hadn't even been necessary to by some new robes before sixth year.

So how was he supposed to know how to handle such a situation?

"Maybe by extending your hand and taking one of those Jeans from the shelf that is directly in front of your nose?" Snape's sarcastic voice made him looking up, and feeling himself blushing a crimson red he recognized that Snape must have heard his last comment quite clearly.

"Maybe we just start with which color you prefer?" Snape asked, his eyebrow lifted, knowing that the teen indeed needed a little help here. Damn, this brat was a teenager. And weren't all teenagers supposed to enjoy being shopping and not having to pay for anything? Any other teenager would have had his field day and most probably he would end up with half the shop being bought.

But not Harry, not this brat.

"Which color?" The boy actually asked, blinking at him in confusion. "Uhm … well …" The boy stared back at the shelf with the Jeans laying atop. "I don't know?"

"We are not at school, Potter." Snape growled, but he noticed that it was a rather gentle growl and he nearly growled again at that little realization. As it seemed he was beginning to lose his touch. "There is not wrong answer, either color would be fine."

"Uhm … well …" The teenager shuffled his feet uncomfortably and looked at the floor. "Maybe black?"

Gritting his teeth at the thought that the boy probably never before had been able to pick the color of the clothes he had gotten by his relatives he placed his fingers underneath the boy's chin and gently lifted Harry's head so the boy had to look at him.

"Was that a question, Mr. Potter, or a statement?" He asked, piercing his brat's green and unsure eyes and once again he could see the helplessness and the desperation in them.

"Uhm … well … I don't know?"

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It was an hour later that they finally were able to leave the shop and Snape was tired. But the tiredness he felt was nothing to the tiredness he felt coming from the teenager and he knew that the boy was close to a breaking point.

They had managed to pick a few clothes, two pairs of black Jeans, two white shirts, a few T-Shirts and a pullover. The colors of the pullover and the T-Shirts however, he'd actually had to chose them for the boy that hadn't been able to do so anymore at that point, that had been too exhausted and too worn out for picking just one single more color – or item – by himself and he had chosen black, green and red while at the same time wondering what exactly had the boy worn out that much.

Well – considering that the boy had run a zigzag line through the supermarket, going detour over detour just to avoid any human contact – it was a tiring feat and so of course he was tired now, after the added strain of having to chose clothes for himself what he never before in his life had done, as it seemed and he knew – it simply was a social anxiety the blasted brat suffered from added to his sleeping disorder and his eating disorder, and a rather severe one, he was sure of that.

And so - the jacket in the end, he had sensed that Harry wouldn't be able choosing one by himself anymore at that point and so he had decided to leave it at that. The boy could wear his cardigan for a bit longer, he would take the boy shopping once more later in the year for one. And hopefully Harry would have gotten used to such things by then.

Well, he would take the boy to McFish's for a short meal and then he would get him home. Everything else he needed, he would get at a later point, knowing that Harry already was overstrained.

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Entering the fast food restaurant in front of Snape who still led him with one hand on his shoulders, Harry closed his eyes for a moment in defeat. He would give anything for just being back at home, back at Hogwarts. He was tired as seldom before and all he wanted was to lay down and to sleep. Not to mention that he wasn't a friend of fish in the first place. Everything that came out of the water simply wasn't edible and he always had wondered how people could eat such things.

But he also had learned to eat everything, never mind if he liked it or not. He had been lucky if he had gotten anything to eat at the Dursleys and being picky simply wasn't an option then. He would have died years ago then.

So well, there surely would be something like a fish burger or something akin, just like the burgers at McDonald's or Burger King which Dudley once had raved about while he had been sitting opposite him in the restaurant, watching him and trying to not look greedy so the other people wouldn't stare or uncle Vernon would have had his hide later, he'd known that. He always had wanted eating such a burger ever since and he guessed he would be able to get such a thing even with fish on it down. Somehow. Honestly, he had eaten worse, back at the Dursleys. And he simply didn't want to disappoint Snape. The older wizard had been more calm and understanding, even nice, than he had thought possible and he really was grateful for the Potions Master's ways of acting during their stay in the shops, helping him with all those clothes.

Not to mention that the man had spent a small fortune for the clothes he had bought him. Well, not really, but in his – Harry's – opinion it had been one. Never before had anyone spent such an amount of money for him. So the last he could do was to go through with …

Blinking in near shock Harry recognized that this restaurant wasn't like McDonald's at all, and neither like Burger King.

There was a counter where the food was ordered, yes. And there were small groups of tables and chairs, yes. And the food was to be taken on tablets from the counter to the tables too, yes. But there wasn't a sign above the counter that showed the different menus. Instead there were … again he blinked and he could feel the panic rising in his chest … there were fishes in all forms and variations placed in the counter and he recognized that he actually had to chose one of those.

"Afternoon." The woman behind the counter greeted them in a bored voice.

"Good afternoon." Snape greeted back. "What do you want, Harry?" He then asked and for a moment Harry struggled to keep his panic at bay. How should he … how was he supposed to … how was he …

"Uhm … you chose first, sir." He then said, hoping that the man's order would give him some time to choose something for himself and he stared at the different sorts of fish. There were just too many different sorts of them and he didn't know how in Merlin's name he should be able to choose one of them.

It was just impossible.

He never before had chosen anything to eat for himself.

At the Dursleys it always had been eating what had been left if he was lucky or eating nothing at all. And at Hogwarts the food was prepared in the kitchens and served in the great hall and there wasn't anything to choose either. Aside from the welcoming feast when the tables were overloaded with food. But he never had been able to eat much during those feasts, his stomach always too weak for any of those foods after the starvation with the Dursleys.

"I will look for a table while you order, Harry." Snape said, taking the tablet with his food from the counter and Harry recognized with a new wave of panic that his time was up, that Snape had finished his order and that the woman behind the counter was watching him expectantly.

Gulping nervously he again gazed at the different fishes before he looked back up at the woman.

"Uhm … are there any bones in the fish?" He then asked. He of course knew that there wouldn't be any bones in the fishes, but he'd simply had to ask this question, just to buy himself more time. But the woman shook her head at once.

"No, there are no bones in the fishes." She answered him, annoyed. "Those are properly prepared fish filets."

Well, again his time was up and still he had not been able to chose anything for himself. Closing his eyes he could feel the panic rising another notch and the annoyance he felt coming from the woman behind the counter didn't anything to help him either.

Gritting his teeth in frustration he pointed to one of the fishes. "This one." He said, whatever this one was, glad that he was over with it and he sighed in relief, turning towards the tables where Snape had been disappearing to.

"What side dish do you want?" He heard the woman behind him ask and slowly he turned, blinking at her in confusion, not understanding her question. What did she mean with – side dish? Why would he want to have a side dish? Blinking at the counter again he saw a few containers containing rice and noodles, a container with a mass that surely was meant to be considered as mashed potatoes and one that contained potato salad and he noticed that he would have to choose something once more. The side dish.

Well, ok. He would be able to do that, he could deal with that. He could choose something.

Closing his eyes for another moment to calm himself he reopened them and gazed at the containers again. Well, surely not the mass that looked like mashed potatoes. And surely not the potato salad either. He liked potato salad, but this one was made with mayonnaise and he wasn't too fond of potato salad with mayonnaise. He preferred potato salad made with vinegar and with salad oil.

So it would be rice or noodles.

The noodles however looked like a strange stodge and the rice – well, it didn't look to appetizing either, dry somehow.

Again he watched at the woman that watched him openly annoyed now, clearly impatient and he grew more and more nervous with each passing second, felt his breath being caught in his chest and he simply didn't know what to do. How was he supposed to choose anything of this again? Anything to eat for himself? Hadn't it been enough to choose the fish? Any why in Merlin's name couldn't they have a simple burgers?

He couldn't do this. He couldn't …

He was saved from a door opening behind the counter and a young guy bringing out a container with what looked like fried potatoes and with another sigh of relief he closed his eyes. Fried potatoes he would be able to eat. And fried potatoes he would be able to eat here, in this place, outside of the safe environment that was Hogwarts, that were Snape's quarters.

Remembering Snape he turned and his eyes searched for the man for a moment, just as he heard the woman asking him again about the side dish he still had not chosen yet and his mind back on the nearly impossible task he blinked again before he wordlessly pointed at the container that had been brought out a moment before, glad that this too was over with now.

He had managed to choose a complete meal and tiredly he turned again, blinking in confusion, trying to remember what it had been he had been thinking about before …

Snape … yes …

He had been thinking about Snape.

About Severus. And again he turned towards the tables, his eyes searching for the older wizard. But he couldn't find him. He let his eyes wander over the tables, but he couldn't find him. He had been there, the moment before, but now he was gone and again he felt his panic raising. Damn, there weren't so much people that Snape could get lost in the mass. There was a small family of three in the middle of the restaurant. And then there was a young couple sitting at a table that stood at one wall. And a third table was occupied by a man in his mid ages maybe. But there was however no sign of Snape, of Severus.

He let his eyes wander over each chair, carefully to not leave one out, but again, he couldn't find the Potions Master. He couldn't find Snape, Severus, his senior partner. He simply couldn't find him.

"What do you want to drink?" The woman wanted to know and again he turned back towards the counter.

What in Merlin's name did this woman want of him now?

"To drink." She said. "What do you want to drink?"

What did she mean? Why would he want something to drink now? And if, then what would he want to drink? Closing his eyes he tried to understand the meaning of the words, tried to find an answer to the question that had been asked of him. What was it he would want to drink normally anyway? Was he even supposed to drink something?

Again turning back towards the tables he searched for something he knew was there, but for the life of him, he didn't know what exactly he was searching for. He knew he had known it a moment before, but now he didn't remember. And gripping the front of his shirt he tried to get some air into his lungs.

What did he do here anyway? Why was he here in the first place? And what in Merlin's damn name was he searching for? Had he lost something? And why didn't he remember when he had done so just a moment ago? Gritting his teeth and curling his hands into fists he tried to concentrate and he blinked again, trying to get the confusion away and suddenly his eyes fell onto a black figure that made its way towards him.

Snape!

Yes, it had been Snape he had been searching, it was Severus he right now needed and exhaling with relief he slumped his shoulders. He at least had found Snape. At least the older wizard was back. Even if he still had the feeling that there had been a question he had been supposed to answer and even if he couldn't remember what the question had been in the first place.

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He had chosen a table that was standing in a far corner where they would have a bit more privacy and he emptied the tablet he had brought over, placed the plate, the glass of water and the cutlery at one side of the table and the tablet onto one of the chairs. He never had liked to eat from a tablet, not even in such a restaurant where it would have been quite common and he simply refused doing so now either.

Shopping with Potter in muggle London had been a nightmare thus far and Severus actually was worried now. He had not only seen how tired the brat had been, but he actually had felt it. The tiredness, the wariness that had been rising into fear and from there into panic. The unsureness and the reluctance, the helplessness. And right now he felt the boy close to drowning in this panic and turning towards the counter where he had left his brat he found the teenager standing there, lost, turned towards him, his eyes searching. He could tell that his eyes had been fallen onto him just a moment before, that Harry had seen him, but now he realized that the brat simply had not recognized him being actually there, had not found him and he narrowed his eyes.

The boy definitely was close to a panic attack and the boy definitely needed help.

Well, he still had to pay anyway.

So he went back to the counter and when he came closer he could see the boy exhaling deeply with relief and the teen's shoulders slumping with exhaustion. And he immediately knew that it wasn't actually bodily exhaustion, even if Harry surely was bodily tired by now, but that it was a mental exhaustion. The boy's mind just had stopped working after the strain of … sighing he recognized his mistake.

First the – for Harry – straining experience in the supermarket where he had had to choose his way carefully, walking detours through empty corridors and rows, in order to avoid other people. Then the Jeans shop where he had to choose clothes, colors, what exactly he had wanted. And now the boy had to choose food.

Food after all, something he was not comfortable with in the first place. And outside of his – Snape's – safe quarters no less.

And now the boy's mind simply had shut down, leaving Harry unable to make any more decisions, unable to think properly and unable to fulfill the simplest tasks. For a moment he wondered if it might have been the same with Harry's classes in school. If Harry maybe just had been unable to concentrate after being tired. And after being that close to the teen since the beginning of this school year he knew how easily the boy got tired.

Placing his hand onto Harry's shoulder to calm the boy he noticed that the teenager didn't even flinch anymore while at the same time he took in the situation, Harry having been ordering his food while the drink was still missing and the woman behind the counter still waiting, looking annoyed and impatient, even slightly angry now and he had to fight hard to keep his own anger at the woman under control. Of course Harry had gotten afraid after sensing the woman's annoyance and impatience.

"A coke, sugar-free, if you would." He said coolly, not bothering to use the word please. Honestly, couldn't the woman keep her professionalism?

"Take a deep breath, Harry." He silently said, turning towards the boy while the coke was poured. The caffeine of the coke hopefully would get Harry's concentration back and the boy alert and calm again. Most people believed that caffeine would get everyone hyper, but he knew that caffeine served to keep one's concentration up. And if one could concentrate, then the one could control himself. It really was a simple thing. As long as no sugar would be involved.

He had watched the boy throughout the day and he had a suspicion now. And honestly, if he were right, then crystal sugar only would serve to get the boy's body to work as it would have to split the sugar up. And this kind of work the boy's body would have to do only would take energy off his brain, energy his brain needed to concentrate. He would make his tests with the brat during the next days, after he had gotten him to have a good night's sleep, that was.

And honestly, if he were right, then that would explain a lot of his brat's strange behaviors, his inability to concentrate on important tasks, to keep his attention at an assignment for longer than ten minutes and his mastery in forgetting things that were important while at the same time he remembered things that were only secondary. Not to forget his inability to notice important things around him while at the same time he noticed things every other one would overlook. It would explain the boy following only his impulses.

He paid for the two meals and then gently curled the fingers of his left around Harry's right upper arm to lead him to the table he had chosen earlier. He would get Harry's tablet after he had ensured that the teenager was sitting safely at …

"Uhm … sir!" The waitress' voice interrupted his line of thought and he turned towards her. "The tablet!"

"Ever heard of patience, woman?" He hissed back, angrily, fixing her with one of his cold glares, one of those who made his first and second years wetting themselves. "If this word exists in your vocabulary, that is, as it does not have anything to do with fish, side dishes, a drink or tablets." Well, she shrunk back, surprised, and he turned back to Harry, smirking satisfied.

He had not lost his touch after his time with Potter.

This brat had his own ability to make one soft if being too long in his presence and he honestly didn't know why he never had seen it before that Potter indeed was a person that was very much lovable. As strange as he could be sometimes. And what was more, the boy had the strongest ability to forgive he ever had seen in someone. He truly had made the boy's life a living hell for years now, and still the brat seemed to have forgiven him, trusted him even, as strange as it might sound. Every other child would have cursed him to hell and back if being in the same position as Potter right now was instead of actually entering a relationship with him.

He led his brat towards the table and gently forced him down onto one of the chairs before he went back to the counter to get the tablet. He placed the plate, the glass of coke and the cutlery in front of the boy and the tablet above his before he sat down himself and pointed at the food.

"Take a drink of your coke!" He growled, ignoring the slight flinch Potter gave away. "And then eat!"

He was not angry at the brat. He knew by now how unsure he was when it came to strangers, to people in general he guessed, and that somehow his brat feared them – whatever reason for.

Well, he had been there too, at this point, long years ago, but he couldn't remember it being that bad back then. Since today he sometimes thought the boy would fear his own shadow while mistaking it for other people.

He took his cutlery and started to eat, watching the boy close and he noticed that he looked ready to drop. The brat really was mentally exhausted and his fingers still trembled to a point where he nearly dropped his cutlery a few times. Getting some food into him hopefully would help.

break … ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ … line

He had ordered Potter to rest on the sofa, to sleep if possible, just so he would get a bit of the much needed sleep the boy had lacked during only Merlin knew how long and then he had gone to his potions laboratory. Not only to have a look at the potions he stacked there, but to calm his nerves as well.

Those damn muggles definitely had neglected the boy and they had done so in a horrible manner. Never before had he learned of any child being kept in a cupboard. Not even an animal was kept in a cupboard. And they had done so to a child. It was …

It was horrible and it was a crime, and even if the brat had shaken his head at his question if there was anything else he should know about, he had an unsettling feeling.

The boy's behavior today had been proof enough to him as to how badly the boy had been neglected. The brat hadn't even been able to do such normal things like shopping in a supermarket, like buying simple clothes and like visiting a fast food restaurant. The simplest and most normal things to do, but his brat was unable to because he feared being in the open, because he feared being close to other human beings, because he feared choosing anything for himself. And he feared those things because he had been neglected for years in a horrible way, starved and kept in a cupboard for years.

Closing his eyes the Potions Master knew he needed to get back control over himself before he …

Soft tingling alarms interrupted his thoughts as the wards he had cast over the boy before he had left just to ensure he would be fine, went off and got louder from second to second and he turned to leave the laboratory.

The boy wasn't in the living area anymore when he entered and the quick gaze he threw through the room fell onto the ajar door to the bathroom. 'Damn it Harry.' He thought. 'What is going on in that head of yours? Why this, and why now?' Quickly he went over and shoved the ajar door open.

Harry could barely keep his head rested in his trembling hand while he threw up with the pain that flared through his head and his eyes began to water immediately while his stomach cramped painfully too. The headache had build up minutely and by now he thought he surely would pass out from the pain that caused him to throw up. He tensed startled when a cool and gentle hand, far gentler than he would have anticipated, pushed strands of his hair back and then the same hand was placed on his forehead, supporting his hurting head with a strong touch.

Snape cursed when he saw the boy on his knees in front of the toilet, losing what little he had eaten, noticing the trembling in the thin limbs and the sweat soaked dark hair. For a moment he thought the boy had caused this on purpose, knowing that he had an eating disorder, but then he stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes fell onto the brat's hand coming to his forehead. A hand that was bloodied from being clenched into a fist so tightly that Potter had dug his nails into his palm, rubbing over the skin with a whimper in a futile attempt to ease the pain he apparently was in and immediately he knew the boy had a headache. And a severe headache from the look of it.

He was beside the boy in an instant, placing one hand onto the boy's forehead in order to support his head while he summoned a wet cloth with his other hand.

"Easy, brat." He whispered more calmly than he felt. "Take deep breathes, even breathes."

He noticed the tears which Potter stubbornly refused to shed, the fearful whimper when he placed the wet cloth on his forehead and the shivering upon sitting on the cold floor.

"Hush boy." The Potions Master whispered, placing a hand on the teen's neck and massaging the tense muscles, hoping neither the touch nor the movements would cause more pain to the teenager but ease the pain a little. "Calm your breathing." He whispered. "I'll get you a potion in a minute. Just calm down for now." He noticed the brat flinching violently at the word 'boy', tensing up and whimpering fearfully, trying to get away from him, but he ignored it for now and strengthened his grip on the boy instead. He had more worrying things at hand right now than a simple word and the teen's reaction to it.

Potter closed his eyes in order to concentrate on doing as he was told and the tears he had kept back so stubbornly fell with the movement of the eyelids. Yet – he really calmed down enough so he could breathe and Snape grabbed the boy at the chin and slowly, carefully pulled the pale face towards him searched the pale face intensely for each and every sign of how worse Potter's pain was and as the green eyes opened they locked with Snape's black ones as he choked upon a pained sob.

"Alright. Come on, Harry." The Potions Master murmured. "Let us get you into a horizontal position on the sofa."

Harry felt the tiredness and exhaustion that threatened to drawn him but the pain was just too much for him to get up and a moment later a slender hand was held out to him. He glanced up at the older wizard, unsurely, wondering what Snape meant with his words that just dimly reached through the pain, but the dark unreadable eyes were strangely soothing him and slowly he placed his own hand in the larger one that Snape still held out towards him. This apparently it was, Snape wanted him to do.

He was gently pulled to his feet and for a moment he had to grip the older wizard's arm to steady himself as the pain increased at the movement and he stiffened, sure that the man would reprimand him for his weakness, but there were no harsh words, only an arm that curled around his shoulders, prompting him to walk.

Harry swayed on unsure feet and Snape waited for a moment when the boy grasped his arm to steady himself before he wrapped his arm around the still trembling shoulders and steered the boy from the bathroom to the sitting room. The smaller and younger wizard's steps were uneven and unsure and for a moment the Potions Master considered just lifting the brat up into his arms and to carry him towards the sofa, but then he dismissed the thought. As he knew Potter, he only would startle him with the action.

He gently pressed the boy down to sit upon the soft furniture.

"Easy now, Harry." He said, his deep and velvet voice calming, pressing the boy's upper body down until he lay flat on the sofa. "Lay down. I will get the potion."

Even just laying down, Potter's movements were slow, but when he finally lay, still shivering, he gave a sigh of relief away.

Snape cast another glance at the boy before he went back towards his potions laboratory he just had left to get the pain reliever, softly cursing under his breath. Why hadn't he seen the oncoming headache? Was the boy so good at hiding pain? Well, apparently he was because he hadn't seen any signs of pain before. He would have to have a word about hiding pain from him with the brat too. It was getting a bit much he would have to have a word with the boy about, he recognized, and it surely wouldn't be easy.

Potter lay on his side when Snape came back and he softly placed his hand onto the boy's shoulder, trying to move him onto his back but the boy rolled over and into his arms, his hands fastening themselves in the black robes as if they were a lifeline he could cling to, pressing his forehead against the fabric that covered Snape's chest and the Potions Master knew that his robes probably were colder than the boy's forehead and thus easing the pain.

"Hush, Harry." He whispered, trying to get the boy onto his back but it was useless and he cast his dark eyes downwards to peer into the boy's green ones. But he couldn't see them as the pale face was buried against his chest and he only could grab the boy's hand when Harry threw his arm towards the backrest in order to release some strain in a frustrated attempt to hit the sofa, and secure it in his own hand, holding it gently for a moment before prying the boy's other hand off his robes and gently forcing Harry onto his back.

"Damn." He softly cursed. "Stop this, Harry. Look at me and take deep breathes. Calm down, boy. You can do this." But it was of no use, the brat was too far gone to focus upon words any longer and the only thing the Potions Master could do was to pry the boy's clenched teeth apart to pour the potion down the boy's throat and hope he wouldn't choke on it wondering what would happen first, either the boy would be knocked out because of the pain out or the potion would take hold.

He pressed the wet cloth once again onto Harry's forehead with one hand and rested the other with a firm grip on the boy's smaller hands to still them as Potter began to sob, deep and heartbreaking sobs of pain that nearly shocked him while the boy still struggled against his hands until Snape simply pulled him into his arms, sitting onto the sofa himself and bringing Potter with him so the child was resting against his chest.

And nothing else Potter was in just this moment. A sixteen year old child that was in pain and in need of someone who finally took care of him. He gently rocked the boy until Harry silently cried himself into exhaustion, his voice finally giving out and the potion finally taking hold and Snape cursed time and time again, allowing his cool hands to calm the pained teenager as he closed his eyes.

"Oh, child, what am I going to do with you?" He softly murmured.

The boy he held in his arms was still shivering and he pulled the blanket that was resting over the couch and wrapped it around Potter, rousing him from his slight slumber.

"Why?" Harry asked, not even sure if Snape heard him but then he felt the older wizard moving and looking down at him.

"Why what, Harry?" Snape's soft and deep voice asked, strangely comforting.

"Why doing that? No one cares." He had to fight against his last remnants of pain and against the tiredness to get the words out and they seemed strangely wrong to himself, more a weak and slurred whisper than anything else and he silently cursed himself for his weakness but he had to tell Snape about the Dursley's.

The man wouldn't continue this if he didn't tell him. He had made it clear a few days ago. Or had it been yesterday? Never mind, he cursed, it wasn't important. He had said he needed to know. And he had said, then better keeping his fingers off this person. But somehow his mind couldn't wrap around this thought.

Snape's sharp black eyes noticed as the brat's eyes drifted shut. The boy had finally and slowly lost his grip on his robes and on reality as well while his body finally gave way to the potion and exhaustion and he took the small hands in his own one as he wiped away the blood on his brat's palms where he had dug his nails into the skin.

He really would have to have a serious word with the brat, and soon.

Not only about the nightmares and the headaches, but about the brat hiding his pain from him so well, too – and not only considering their relationship but generally. But mostly, if he wanted doing this, to continue this relationship – and somehow he knew that he would, felt that it was right, even knew that Harry wanted the same – then Potter would have to trust him and to tell him if he was in pain. Not to mention the fact that he should tell him so he just could give him something for the pain in the first place. That was one of the advantages if being in a relationship with a Potions Master after all.

Damn, he surely wouldn't have thought to get into a relationship with a teenager, with any person that was as damaged as Potter was and for a moment he wondered if the boy was too damaged for him to handle, to undo all the damage. He was damaged by himself, for Merlin's sake. Would he really be able to deal with Potter?

But then – he always had been able to deal with his Slytherins. So – yes, he would.

Well, he had known from the beginning that he had to be slow and patient with this, that he couldn't rush things with this boy. So, honestly, this just had been proving that he had been right.

break … ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ … line

"Are you sure you want to continue this, sir?" Harry asked, a few hours later, his gaze resting unsure on the older wizard's face. "I mean … you … I … I'm … you said you would be difficult. But compared to me you are easy. You don't faint, you're not a baby, you …"

"Stop this nonsense at once, Mr. Potter." Snape growled, reaching the stomach soothing potion and the nutrition potion towards the brat that – as it seemed – tried to get him annoyed at all costs. "First, continue insulting yourself and you really will end up scrubbing cauldrons for the rest of this school year. Second, I already told you, it is not your fault and we will deal with it. And third, you will be fine if you do as I say and eat and sleep properly. And besides," Snape smirked at him, "call me easy once more and you will find yourself in quite some trouble. I am not a kitten that is easy to handle."

For a moment the brat actually smiled at the joke he had made and Snape nodded satisfied. That was much better. The smile just vanished too quickly for his liking and was replaced with an unsure gaze.

"It just seems that I have to make a few things clear to you." He said, his voice serious again. "I do not want you hiding your pain from me, Harry. It is imperative that you address me if you feel unwell. I want you to address me if you are in pain, I want you to address me if you feel unwell at all and I want you to even address me if you are scared. Even if it is of me. I have to know such things so I can help you. And no silencing spells. I want to know it if you suffer from a nightmare in order to wake you up and get you out of it. And no, I do not mind." He added at the guilty look the brat gave him. "This simply is the meaning of caring for someone. You might not be used to someone actually taking care of you, but this is what you simply will have to get used to. Because I intent to take care of you. You are the junior partner in this relationship and I will take care of you and I will protect you."

Harry looked up at Snape and he could see that the older wizard did mean what he said, and for the first time in his life he actually allowed himself a little bit of hope that maybe – just maybe – someone cared enough to help and protect him.

"Will you do the same?" He asked carefully and Snape huffed at him.

"Brat!" The older wizard growled darkly, not able to stop his hand from running through the black and unruly mop of hair. "As if I would allow a teenager that is not even able to tell the difference between a glass of pumpkin juice and a vial of pain relieving potion to rummage through my potions in order to find the one I might be in need of if being unwell. I have taken care of myself for long enough and I will continue doing so. But should I die, then of course I shall inform you." He joked with a light-heartiness he didn't quite feel. The intensity of the headache the boy had had earlier had startled him and he had to find out what exactly had been the cause of this headache.

break … ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ … line

This night in bed Snape wasn't able to sleep for a long time, thinking over his brat.

The boy was a teenager, for crying out loud. And a teenager was supposed to feel free, to enjoy a day of shopping instead of going to classes and a teenager was supposed to feel comfortable in a fast food store. Not to mention that a teenager was supposed to wear clothes that were rather new and cared for instead of old rags that were ten numbers too large.

But on the other hand – the boy had been neglected by his family. He had been deprived of not only clothing but even food and a room, so what in Merlin's name did he expect? They had starved the boy and they had locked him into a cupboard. Most likely Harry never before had been out shopping and most likely he never before had been out for eating at all.

During their occlumency lessons last year he had seen some images of Harry's cousin, a baby whale of a boy that had grown into a whale of a boy throughout the years and considering Harry's clothes, then they all had been hand-me downs from this cousin. So the Dursleys never ever before had bought him clothes for himself.

But he knew for a fact that the Dursleys got a salary from the ministry of magic, from child welfare for the boy, they had discussed it during an order meeting once and he wondered what in Merlin's name the Dursleys had done with the money they had gotten. Most likely they had spent it for themselves. Were still spending it for themselves. But that would change, he grimly thought.

Growling angrily he got up, unable to sleep anyway. Honestly, if the clothes that Harry had been willing to wear in front of him had been his better sets of clothes, then he actually wondered what the boy was hiding away in his trunk. Those idiotic imbeciles of guardians the brat had had for fifteen years now ought to be punished for neglecting the boy and for spending the money they had gotten for the child for themselves instead of for the boy's needs.

And none of them had noticed! Damn, if he had known earlier!

He would have been able to do something, to get the boy out of there. He would have been able to …

Sighing he recognized that it was a mute point now. It had happened and none of them had noticed. So Harry had been neglected for fifteen years now and he only could try to undo some of the damage that had been caused by those damn muggles that were his brat's relatives.

And by him, a small voice in the back of his mind whispered.

And nevertheless the boy had been able to forgive him, to forgive him completely, from one day to the other, as it seemed. As if it never had happened, as if he had forgotten about it.

Leaving his bed chamber and entering the small kitchen that was attached to his quarters he went to get a glass of water, only to find Harry sitting at the kitchen table, his arms laying on the table and his head resting above his arms, clearly awake and deep in thoughts as it seemed.

The Potions Master watched the student for a few moments silently from the doorway and again, just like so often during the past few days he felt that it was right, he felt that it was what was meant to be, Harry being here, Harry being his submissive, and silently he walked over and placed a hand on his brat's shoulder, once more ignoring the flinch the boy gave away. The teenager had had a difficult day, and now he was deep in his thoughts in the middle of the night. Of course he would be startled.

"Why are you not asleep?" Snape asked, his hands still resting on Harry's shoulders.

"I don't know." Harry answered quietly, leaning back slightly against Severus' body and closing his eyes, savouring the moment and Snape could feel the teen calming, being at ease in his presence.

"Severus …?"

"Yes?" Snape encouraged when Harry failed to continue his sentence. It was an unusual incident for Harry to address him by his first name in the first place, and it was nearly strange for Snape to hear his given name on the boy's lips. And the fact that the brat started a conversation by himself and sounded so serious about it didn't ease the strange feeling that crept over him either.

The teen wanted to tell him something, the brat had tried to tell him something earlier, and a few times by now, he was sure. So, whatever it was, it had to be important.

"I … never mind, it's not really important." The teenager then said, shaking his head and the Potions Master had to suppress a low sigh of frustration. Did the boy trust him so little that he wasn't ready to discuss important things with him? He watched his brat with his eyes narrowed and then shook his head, wishing the teen would talk to him, would tell him what bothered him.

"What is it, Harry?" He asked, trying to get the boy to open up to him.

"It really isn't important." Harry answered, his voice still quiet, turning his head and lifting it upwards so he could peer at him. The brat had a small smile on his lips as he watched him and Snape nearly hitched a breath.

Potter actually smiled at him. At him! At the evil dungeon bastard that had made his life a living hell for the past five years! This brat, his brat, was actually smiling at him! How did the boy do this? How could the teen smile at him after all he had put him through? After all the hurtful comments and ridicules he had put him through? After all the unfair detentions and other things he had brought over the boy? How could he now smile at him like this?

It was a sad smile, a very serious smile, but it was an honest smile, what made this smile at him just worse and he had to close his eyes for a moment.

"Go back to sleep, brat." He said, barely able to keep his own voice from trembling. He would talk to him the next day.

break … ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ … line

To be continued

Next time in I just wanted to ask

What will happen if Harry decides to finally tell Severus what is on his mind? Will the Potions Master understand?

Added author's note

thank you for reading - and yes, I would appreciate it if you took the time to review this chapter, thank you …

Reviews:

to PandaGaara: it keeps you already on the edge of your seat? What will I be able doing to you in later chapters if I already now keep you on the edge? :D ... I’m however glad that you seem to like it, and I do thank you for sharing your mind in your review on this

to Markhal: if there were a sexy and dominant Severus for anyone, then surely he would be for me, even though I’m sure that my husband wouldn’t be too happy about it … and yes, Harry is a very tempting submissive – and it will get worse ...

to unneeded: I don’t think that Severus needs to do anything for Harry to mean that he is never to care for his needs, but that will come in later chapters, you just wait and se … concerning getting horny – I think every teenager does – even men who are not teenagers anymore – never mind how much they have on their plate, I think, it’s a normal human reaction ... about the trust-exercises however, I think you are right, and enjoy them later on ... :D ....thanks for yet another review ...

to moodysavage: eat the story ?? o.O ... I’d like to see that ... well, so I have to hurry with new chapters or you would starve to death :D ... thanks for the review ..
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I just wanted to ask