Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Let Love In	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3124 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
A/N: More frivolity but then some equal angst! Ok, warning for this chapter: This contains scenes of drug abuse and hints at sexual child abuse. Please don't complain at me, the story writes itself, lol.

DISCLAIMER: I do not, under any circumstances, condone the taking of drugs of any kind! The reason Sirius does take drugs is because he is generally a bit crazy and I believe he would try it and even use it as a method of escape. Remember people, this is the seventies, and they were crazy times! Lastly, the song below belongs, sadly, to David Bowie and is called Rebel Rebel! Awesome song, check it out! :D Enjoy!

Chapter Twelve: Rebel

"Got your mother in a whirl

She's not sure if you're a boy or a girl

Hey, babe, your hairs alright

Hey, babe, let's go out tonight

You like me, and I like it all

We like dancing, and we look divine

You love bands when they play it hard

You want more, and you want it first

Put you down, say I'm wrong

You tacky thing, you put them on..."

Sirius stumbled into a wall, laughing, James's voice joining his as they sang drunkenly.

"Rebel Rebel, you've torn your dress

Rebel Rebel, your face is a mess

Rebel Rebel, how could they know?

Hot tramp, I love you so!"

They sang to each other, James pressing Sirius into the wall. Lily looked bemused, and Remus found himself laughing with them, the alcohol searing through him and making everything seem a million times more hilarious than normal. Sirius was using James as a ladder, trying to steady himself and failing as James was just as unsteady.

"You've torn your dress, your face is a mess

You can't get enough, but enough aint the test

You've got transmission and a live wire

Got your cue lines and a handful of ludes

You wanna be there when they count up the dues..."

Sirius slipped slightly down the wall, his hair had fallen down and it fell into his face as James sang to him as if he was a girl. Their faces were close and Sirius was laughing so hard tears sprung to his eyes.

"And I love your dress

You're a juvenile success

Because your face is a mess

So how could they know?

I said, how could they know?

To what you wanna know

Calamity's child, chi-chile, chi-chile

Where'd you wanna go?

Can I do for you? Looks like you've been there too

'Cause you've torn your dress

And your face is a mess

Ooo, ooo, your face is a mess

Ooo, ooo, so how could they know?

How could they know? Hah

Hah-hah" **

When they were done, Lily and Remus applauded them. James pushed Sirius to the floor and bowed, nearly falling flat on his face. "Well, that was...interesting." Lily said, smiling as Sirius was dragged to his feet by Remus, he leaned on him heavily, one arm thrown across his shoulders. She watched, with a raised eyebrow as Sirius's lips came very close to Remus's ear and the fingers of his other hand began tugging at locks of his hair. She couldn't hear what was being said but the words made Remus blush. Suddenly, an arm found its way around her own shoulders and she jumped slightly, she found herself gazing into blurred hazel eyes. "Potter...?"

"Call me Jamess..." He slurred.

She realised he was very close and felt heat flood her cheeks. "Wh-Why?"

"'cause tha's m'name..." he blinked at her, dark hair falling into his eyes.

"Po-James...You're drunk..."

He grinned, loving the way she said his name, it made his whole body tingle. "I know...fun, aint it?"

She sighed heavily. "I really should be getting back, my parents..."

"Will be fine..." James's hand slid down her arm and he drew her closer. "Ya'know...I've liked you since forever..." he murmured, fingers running through her hair. He slipped his fingers down her jaw, tipping her head slightly so she was unable to get away from his intense gaze. He leaned closer...

"Hey!" Sirius threw his arm around James, shattering the moment like ice. James cursed furiously, his hands slipping from Lily as he was dragged away. "C'mon...le's go somewhere else..." Sirius said loudly stumbling up the street.

"I really should be going home..." Lily said but Sirius turned on her, one eyebrow raised and she suddenly had the impression that he wasn't as drunk as he was making out to be.

"Home? Why? We're young, Miss Evans...we're young and there's a whole city to explore! Come on..." he held out his hand with a charming smile. "We brave three Marauders will be more than happy to escort the lovely young princess..."

She laughed, unable to help herself and took his hand. "Alright then..."

He pulled her to his side. "Right...the city awaits!" He cried. "Let us show you our world."

And she was shown the world through the eyes of the Marauders...it was beautiful. Everything was bright lights, warm summer air and bright easy laughter. Remus came out of himself with the effects of the alcohol. They stumbled through the streets of London, laughing, talking and singing in loud and drunken voices and teasing each other. She felt a little overwhelmed, she had never seen them together outside school, and now she was being shown the world from an entirely different perspective...and she realised that she was enjoying herself.

James jumped up onto a railing his arms wide as he tried to keep his balance, Sirius decided it would be funny to try and make him fall. He wobbled when Sirius's hands pushed him, but managed to regain his balance, his tongue trapped between his teeth and his glasses nearly falling from his nose. He walked like a tightrope walker in a circus, Lily giggled as she followed them with Remus. Finally Sirius managed to drag James from his precarious perch and they fell to the concrete with a loud thud and lots of cursing.

"You fell on me! You dick!" Sirius exclaimed loudly, trying to untangle himself from James.

"Fuck off...You pulled me off...Ow! Hey, get your knee out of my nuts!"

Lily leaned closer to Remus. "Are they always like this?" She asked.

"'Fraid so, it never changes..." He smiled fondly at his friends. "Not that I'd want it any other way."

There was a bang and a flash of light, James yelped, grabbing his arm. "Sirius!" He shouted. "What was that for?"

"You wouldn't get off of me." Sirius replied, stowing his wand away quickly. "So, I was forced to make you."

"That hurt." James sulked as he climbed to his feet. "What was it?"

"Stinging Hex." Sirius grinned. "Your arm'll be huge." He laughed.

James ran over, holding his arm out to Remus who raised an eyebrow. "Make it better! Sirius hurt me!" he whinged.

Remus rolled his eyes and looked down at the tear in his jumper, there was an angry red mark there. He pointed his wand at it and it disappeared. "There, now, stop arguing."

James grinned. "Knew there was a reason I'm friends with you!"

"Tosser." Remus replied, but there was no venom in his voice, only that fond smile.

As they walked down a brightly lit street Sirius paused, there was a dark club with a bright neon light flashing above it. A small grin spread across his face and he turned to his friends. "Wait here...I'll get something that will really blow your minds..." He turned and walked towards a man standing by the door, they watched with small frowns as he leaned against the wall, and the man whispered something. Remus watched with a frown as the man nodded once, digging in his pocket and bringing forth something, Sirius took it, slipping some money into his hand. The man suddenly grabbed Sirius's wrist, turning him around to slam him into the wall, he whispered something into Sirius's ear which made him laugh and shake his head. Then he was released and Sirius walked over to them grinning, he had something between his fingers. "Right..." He declared with a wide grin. He threw the little packet at James who caught it and looked at it, after a second he answered Sirius's grin.

Lily watched as James opened the little bag and withdrew a small pill, he slipped it onto his tongue and threw the packet back to Sirius who caught it and slipped two into his own mouth. "Are they...?" Lily began slowly.

"Drugs? Why yes...they are." Sirius replied. "Discovered these in third year when I stayed away from home all night because Bella was staying over...and that always meant a broken limb. So, while I was wandering around London alone, some guy comes up to me..." he jerked his head in the direction of the man stood by the club. "...and he said he could give me something to forget my problems...and it worked, Lily, it actually worked." He smiled. "Forgot why I was even curled up in some strangers house on some grubby mattress...must admit though...I don't really think I want to remember that night." His smile went a bit odd, before he shrugged. "Anyway, they don't hurt they just make everything crazy..." He offered her the packet and she shook her head.

"No...I'm fine." She muttered, she hadn't understood half of what he had said, but something about the story seemed odd...she was disturbed. Why would a thirteen year old be wandering London...alone? What awful event would make him take something given to him by a total stranger and what would make that same thirteen year old stay in a house with the stranger? What had he been made to do? All those questions made her shiver and she wrapped her arms around herself as she watched Sirius. He was leaning into Remus, and they were...her thoughts stopped abruptly and she turned away.

Sirius pushed the tiny white pill into Remus's mouth with his tongue, enjoying the soft moan he got. He drew away with a smile, and saw the werewolf gazing up at him as he swallowed it. "I don't know why...but you make me throw caution out of the window." He whispered.

"Maybe because I'm just far too good looking?" Sirius smirked.

Together they returned on their journey. Lily had insisted they take her home, but as they were walking the drugs seemed to take effect and she regretted it immediately. Sirius was talking, talking a lot. In fact, he wouldn't shut up. She couldn't understand how he didn't seem to need to breath, James was being touchy feely with her, hugging her close, kissing her hair and she kept having to hold him off at arm's length.

Sirius gazed around at the lights, watching them float across his vision. He could feel his heart rate hammering violently in his chest, but it didn't matter, because everything was so bloody wonderful! He couldn't stop smiling, even if his jaw ached slightly. Remus stumbled slightly as he gazed down into the Thames river, fascinated by the reflected lights on the surface. "Tha's bloody amazing..." He muttered feeling Sirius stood behind him, his hands sliding down his back as he buried his face in his hair. "Nnn..." Remus groaned and let his eyes fall shut. His nerves tingled wonderfully and Sirius's touches made his heart beat thud in his head, he was surprised no one else could hear it. He had never taken something offered to him by Sirius before but he couldn't deny that the drugs made him stop worrying, he was able to forget about all his concerns and he was loving it. His thoughts were cut off as Sirius's tongue ran up his neck and his fingers clenched on the railing. "God...That's good..." He muttered, hardly aware of what he was saying. He was more turned on than he had been in a while, Sirius's body heat seemed like the fierce flames of a fire and every touch, every sound, sight and smell was intense, almost overwhelming. His senses buzzed, his head swam and he felt as if Lord Voldemort himself could appear and he would hug him, because everything was shimmering with a soft glow and his smile seemed glued to his face. Nothing could spoil this night!

"Moony..." Sirius sighed, running his hands down his sides. "You feel like a teddy bear." He hugged him close and giggled. "It's like hugging a warm, fluffy teddy...You'reamazin'..."

Remus laughed. "I love you..." his voice was soft and gentle. "In fact...I think I love everything...James, Lily, Pete...where is Pete?"

"No idea..." Sirius murmured. "There must be somethin' wrong with him 'cause he said he couldn' come out..." He made a small whining noise in his throat. "You're adorable."

"Guys?" Lily moved towards Remus and Sirius, James hanging onto her arm.

"Come on, Lil's..." he muttered. "Just one...one tiny...incy wincy kiss...Please...?"

She turned and glared at him. "James Potter I am not going to kiss you! Now stop it...we need to get home..." She saw Remus turned around in the circle of Sirius's arms and before she knew it they were kissing, it was sloppy and Remus had his fingers gripping Sirius's long hair so tightly she was sure it should hurt. "Oh for crying out loud..." She muttered, pushing hair from her face. She stormed over and tapped Sirius on the shoulder making him pull away from Remus's clinging fingers. "Come on, let's get home." She said.

Sirius grinned. "Lily...you know what?" He said, throwing his arm around her. "You're brilliant you are."

"Thank you." She sighed and saw Remus gazing up at the sky. "Rem?" She asked cautiously.

"Shh..." Sirius put a finger to her lips and she found herself gazing into eyes that were nearly black. "He's contemplating the moon...ya'see...he's scared of the moon..." He whispered hoarsely, stumbling slightly so her back was pushed into the railings by the river. "And ya'know what else?"

"Sirius..." He cut her off again with a small, chaste and very gentle kiss on the side of her lips.

"I think he hates me..." Sirius whispered, he looked intense, his eyes wide and almost childlike beneath the street lights. There was silence broken only by the bustling city around them. "I...I really think he does, Like...when we fuck...he's...not there...not really. I know...what we do is wrong...'course it's wrong but...he's so fucking addictive...Lily...I'm gunna destroy him..." He stumbled slightly and chuckled. His smile was huge and bright, his eyes sparkling insanely beneath his fringe.

"Sirius...are you...alright?" She cocked her head to the side.

He nodded quickly. "Yeah...never been better!" He declared with a sharp bark of laughter. "Ya'see...even though my parents hate me...you see, they loved Reg, always Reg...the perfect little git...They liked to break my arms...my ribs...they cursed me...so, I had to leave din't I? Couldn't stay there, not with them like they were..." He laughed again, the lightness of his tone and the hilarity in his voice, completely at odds with the severity of his words. He seemed happy about everything.

"Come on, Sirius, let's get you home." Lily said softly, taking his hand and guiding him forward, but she felt him pause, his head resting on the back of hers.

"James loves you, Lily." He said softly. "He is really, really in love with you...Please stop pushing him away...It kills him."

Her eyes landed on James who had Remus in a giant bear hug, both were laughing loudly. She felt a small smile touch her lips, Sirius's hands gripped her shoulders and she felt him shaking slightly. "I'll try." She replied softly, her fingers resting on his.

"Thanks. And...and just so you know...You're alright really."

She laughed. "I'm going to take that as a compliment, Mr. Black."

"Padfoot." He said.

"What?"

"Padfoot...'s what James called me." He released her finally and stepped away, smiling mysteriously at her. "Tell the others I'll be alright..." He turned away. "I need...to be alone..."

"Sirius...wait! You can't just..." But he was gone. She gazed at the spot he had Disapparated from and sighed heavily, she could only hope he was going to be alright.

Sirius reappeared outside the club again, he stumbled, nearly losing his balance but managed to regain it. He looked at the man still stood outside, the man lifted his hand and Sirius moved forward. When he reached him he was pushed into the wall. "So, you gunna pay me back?" He hissed into Sirius's ear.

"Yeah..." Sirius replied closing his eyes. "Just make sure it hurts."

Sirius woke, eyes opening slowly as he gazed up at an unfamiliar ceiling. He pulled himself into a sitting position and blinked sluggishly around at the other two men lying on the same dirty mattress. He sighed and lowered his head, he felt all the familiar self hatred burn through him like a white hot wire. When he was thirteen he had been taken to this flat in the East End and he had been grateful because anywhere was better than his own home...then he had been forced to give the men there his first blow job. It had been horrible at first but after a few beatings he had been trained to do it properly. They had never taken it further until last night and he felt filthy, dirty as if he had been tainted. Slowly he shifted his weight ignoring the fresh stab of pain that went through his body, he crept off the mattress and crawled across the floor, picking up his jeans and t-shirt. He climbed into them and slipped out of the room and found himself in some kind of living room, people lay on the floor, eyes half open as they gazed up at the filthy ceiling without seeing it. Sirius picked his way carefully across the disturbingly sticky floor, avoiding the needles and other sharp instruments. He finally made it to the door, making a quick check to make sure he had his wand on him before slipping out the door and Apparating straight back into his apartment and going straight to bed. He collapsed onto it with a strangled groan. He wasn't entirely sure why he had gone to the man to pay back what he owed, when he been there last they had told him that he had to come back to repay them for letting him stay...and so, five years later, he had returned. He buried his face into the pillow, hugging it desperately. He hated coming down...after the amazing high of the drug induced haze he always came down hard. The dark thoughts that shadowed him made him wish he could just simply end it all...

There was an awful noise...it sounded like a giant Doxy buzzing in his head. With a heavy groan Sirius turned over wincing as pain returned. Slowly he sat up and realised it was his door, he scrubbed at his face for a second before standing and stumbling to the door, flinging it open, ready to give whoever it was a yelling at...and he found himself gazing into familiar eyes. "M-Moony?" He muttered, stepping back and letting the werewolf enter.

"What the...?" Remus's face changed rapidly, he had entered with a smile and then the smell had hit him. His eyes moved over Sirius's crumpled t-shirt, his undone jeans and the bruises on his wrists. He couldn't speak. He couldn't even move. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open slightly. The scent of other men drifted from Sirius like a wave, he could smell them, all over his body, he smelt of sex, alcohol and semen. "No..." He muttered shaking his head and backing away a step. "You..."

Sirius stood there, swaying slightly. "Remus..." He began, but the werewolf cut him off with a sudden slap. Sirius took it, closing his eyes and accepting the pain that shot through his heated skin.

"You...You..." Remus was lost for words, his breathing was heavy and he shook with suppressed rage.

"I'm sorry." Sirius whispered mechanically, his mind still sluggish. "I don't know why I did it...I only wanted...I wanted..." he bit down on his lower lip. "I wanted them to hurt me." He said finally.

"They did just that didn't they?" Remus said finally.

"Yeah..." Sirius fell to the floor, hanging his head. "I needed it...but...you just looked so happy...I couldn't ask it from you. Fuck! Moony...you don't need me!" He bent his head. "You're so...so perfect! You're...so pure...I'm...gunna destroy you and I can't...I can't do it! I can't hurt you anymore!"

"Hurt me? Sirius...you...this...this is hurting! This is more painful than anything physical you could do to me! Are you forgetting what I am? Are you stupid enough to think that tearing my body to shreds every full moon is a picnic? You fucking twat!" he gasped and fell silent. He closed his eyes, taking a few slow, deep breaths in an attempt to control the sudden whirlwind of emotions.

Sirius rocked slightly back and forth, slowly he lifted his eyes to Remus's and smiled. "You're better than me. You always have been..."

Remus fell to his knees so he could look into Sirius's eyes. "No...I'm not."

"You are. You don't have tainted blood running through your veins..." He lifted his fingers and traced Remus's jugular vein. "You don't feel as if you're going to snap...my head...it's like there's someone screaming inside me and soon it'll overflow. Ever torn your own hair out just because you've been so frustrated that you can't hold it in anymore?" Remus nodded. "...it's like that."

"I understand, Sirius...I...I know what pain is. I know what hatred is! I know what it was like for you! Just please...please stop! That man...the one you got the drugs from, he smelt just like this..." He ran his hand down Sirius's t-shirt. "Why did you go to him?"

"I owed him." Sirius shrugged. "Since he took me in that night when I was thirteen...that club is his...has been for years. I spent years getting the drugs from him...he gives me them for free but with a promise to...to repay him..."

"Did he...did he rape you?" Remus asked slowly, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"No." Sirius shook his head. "When I was a kid, I gave him and his mates blow jobs until I couldn't do it anymore...and then they sent me home, telling me that I had to repay them someday...So...so I did."

Remus was silent, he suddenly knew the answer to where Sirius had learned to use his tongue so well...and the thoughts made him want to throw up. "Why?" He asked again. "I thought...I thought I was the only..."

Sirius's eyes were too dark as he looked into Remus's. "Because I'm poison." He whispered hoarsely.

They sat there just staring at each other for a long time before Remus stood slowly, his jaw was tense as he stared at the mini bar in the corner of the reception room. "Get in the bath..." He said firmly. "And...give me your clothes, you can't walk around wearing that..." He turned his back as he heard Sirius move. When he turned around he saw Sirius standing there, his shirt hanging from one hand and his eyes on the floor. Bruises covered his chest, Remus could see the darkening stains on his pale flesh and he shook his head. "You're an idiot, Sirius Black." He muttered, pushing aside all his own feelings and taking the t-shirt from his friend's slack fingers.

"I am...aren't I?" Sirius muttered, he turned and walked silently away leaving Remus to close the door and go into his kitchen.

Sirius lay in the bath, gazing up at the ceiling. The bubbles that surrounded him eased his aching muscles but nothing could ease his aching heart. He kept hurting Remus, no matter what he did, he seemed totally unable to stop himself from wounding his friends. He slipped beneath the warm water, submerging himself completely in some crappy attempt to drown himself...but he couldn't stay beneath the water for long and he resurfaced with a gasp.

Remus washed Sirius's jeans and t-shirt thoroughly, making sure the scent of the other men was gone completely before he dried them with a lazy flick of his wand, he folded them neatly and placed them in Sirius's draws. He had been forced to become good at household spells, mainly by his mother, but also because Sirius and James were filthy. They usually ended up wearing each other's clothes, throwing dirty laundry across the dormitory without a second glance and generally being rather lazy in that department. He smiled affectionately for a moment before sighing and rubbing his tired eyes, he had so little sleep the previous night, staying with James who was bouncing off the walls at having actually spoken to Lily Evans and spent time with her. The come down off the drugs had been sudden and brutal, he had crashed completely, falling into bed and waking up with a hammering headache and his mouth as dry as if he had eaten salt. He decided that he would never again take anything Sirius offered him, no matter how much he was given those puppy-eyes.

The door from one of the bathrooms opened and Remus turned to see Sirius emerge, his hair was clinging to his face and he had a soft towel wrapped around his waist. Remus couldn't stop his eyes from travelling up and down that well toned body. Sirius smiled weakly as he ran fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes in that wonderfully familiar way that he had. "Want breakfast?" He asked. Obviously neither of them would be speaking about those blackening marks on his wrists, or the bite marks on his shoulders, so Remus simply smiled and nodded.

Sirius ate hungrily, his eyes scanning the Daily Prophet that had arrived earlier. He paused and Remus watched him lower his fork, his eyes clouding. "Another one..." He muttered, pushing the paper towards Remus who read the article.

"A whole family? This is getting worse...isn't it?" Remus asked, eyes lifting to Sirius's.

"Not just a whole family, Moons, there was a baby..." Sirius sighed. "And then you've got the disappearance of that Trevor Klines bloke who worked in the Educational Department at the Ministry, remember?"

"Yeah, didn't he disappear two weeks ago?"

Sirius nodded, shovelling more eggs into his mouth before swallowing. "And then that woman was murdered. The Muggle news got hold of that one, apparently she worked for their Prime Minister..."

"Charlotte...Banks?" Remus said slowly, remembering the small article in the Prophet two weeks ago.

"Yeah, the muggles say that she died of a heart attack, but the Ministry said it was the Killing Curse." As they spoke, Remus saw Sirius was looking better for the food and the bath, his eyes were brightening and he sighed with relief. They sat at the kitchen table, when Sirius had finished he summoned his cigarettes from the Living room and lit one with a match, blowing blue-grey smoke towards the ceiling. He leaned back in his chair, looking at Moony across the table. "Do you have anywhere to live when we finish school?" he asked suddenly.

Remus raised an eyebrow, folding the paper neatly, and slightly pedantically. "No, not yet. I haven't thought about it...why?"

Sirius leaned forward. "Live with me." He said.

"But..."

"No buts, I have enough money to keep us both happy...and more than enough room. Come on, Moony, move in with me...I like this." He waved a hand around. "I like eating breakfast with you, I like talking to you about the paper and I like...I like having you by my side. What do you say?"

Remus gazed down thoughtfully at his hands that lay flat on the table. "I...I don't know, Sirius...I..."

"You don't have to agree right now...just say that you'll think about it...please?"

Remus looked up and saw Sirius's eyes shining slightly, then he opened his mouth before realising he had no idea what to say so he simply nodded. This seemed to satisfy Sirius and he grinned, taking a long drag on the cigarette between his fingers before crushing it out in an ash tray.

** Song Lyrics; Rebel, Rebel by David Bowie (I do not own...unfortunately...*Sigh*)
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