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In His Place	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Sirius Views: 72865 -:- Recommendations : 16 -:- Currently Reading : 16
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, so sad for me, and make no money off this story, even sadder for me.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Love you, woman, you're the best!

With help from Lynn who works with me when it comes to flow, continuity and other issues

Just a reminder of what's on my profile; reviews complaining or whinging about the lack 'o sex in stories will get deleted. If you want a smut-filled romp, you need to find another story to read.

Chapter 12

“You doing alright, Harry?” Sirius asked his godson as he curled up in the chair by him. It was about a week after that bombshell prediction about Zabini. Thankfully, Harry was more with it than he had been. The potions were helping, as was the fact his godson was adjusting to the new ones. Which meant that he was doing better. Oh, Harry was not up to what he previously was and they weren't chancing working on some areas with him yet, but were with others, like non-verbal spells in easy areas. And he was doing good with those. Another plus was the potions to aid in the trembling were fully into his system. That cut what was there in half. Which meant what he did work on was far easier without the frustration. The intensive brain scan hadn't shown any more off than what they knew was there, so it was all better and pressing on how they wanted.
“I'm good,” Harry sighed. “Just a bit tired is all. Not like before, but more like feeling rundown. You know what I mean?”
“I do,” Sirius nodded, reaching out to ruffle Harry's hair. “We'll relax for a while and not work on anything. How about I get an elf to grab us a snack then we'll just talk.”
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Harry nodded.
Sending Tinkle off for something, Sirius leaned back. Harry kept glancing at the copy of the Prophet sitting on the table. Like what was on the front page for the last week, it talked about the debacle with Parkinson. Rufus, true to his word, had kept it quiet about how he got the tips, so Harry wasn't brought into it. There was plenty going on, though, that's for damned sure. Not only were the public screaming for Parkinson's head, but the Board of Governors was trying to put more safety measures in place to make sure it didn't happen again. With the war going on, something had to be done anyway. This just made it more pressing as the mess seemed to have 'brought' part of the war to the school and put students in danger. Which meant that this was probably a good time to press on to some of what they all wanted to talk with Harry about, considering how the mess was brought to everyone's attention.
Once the elf brought them some snacks, Sirius said, “Let's just switch to something a bit easier for a while. I imagine you'll take another nap soon.” Harry was still getting plenty tired, though it wasn't as bad as it had been. It just meant he took a few more naps than normal. That was fine too.
Starting to munch, Harry nodded, “Alright. What do you want to work on?”
“How about we just talk,” Sirius suggested. “That way you can relax. We'll wait until after you get some sleep to press on.”
“Sure,” Harry told him, liking the idea. “What do you want to cover?” He assumed that it would be something to do with school work. After all, he was plenty behind. That bothered him, though no one else seemed concerned about it and told him not to worry.
“How about we talk a bit about this gift thing,” Sirius suggested, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, hands clasped.
Sighing, Harry slumped a little. By now, he could remember some of what he had said and the others had talked to him about it, especially because of the magnitude of what he had come across with. He just wasn't sure how comfortable he was with it was all. It was—bloody hell, he didn't know what he felt about it. He nodded, however. “What do you want to know?”
“I want to tell you that we think, and what Rufus sent over seems to indicate the same thing, that this was brought on by the head injury. The theory seems to be that the head injury probably took something we all have and just—activated it for you. It's nothing to be ashamed of or worried about, Harry. Hell, you helped a lot with some of what you said. I can also safely tell you that Zabini owes you his life. If you hadn't come across with that, he would have died. That's a pretty good use of it, don't you think?”
“True,” Harry told him softly, looking at him.
“Cissy is going to try to work with you to hone it a little. At the very least, to see if you can't use it to protect yourself and sense if you're in danger. Even if that's all you ever manage, it's well worth it,” Sirius told him firmly. “Anything else—well, we'll deal with it as it comes. I just want you to promise me that if you sense you're getting another prediction of some kind you'll come to one of us in the house. Even if you're wrong, we want to know. You can help if you're right, Harry. Can you promise me that?”
Gazing at Sirius, Harry nodded. “I will. I'm just not sure what might be a prediction now. I mean, I get what I did, but that was strange.”
“Cissy is going to work with you on that, too,” Sirius assured him. “Or try anyway. She's at least read up on it before. You still have your Divination books, don't you?” Seeing his godson nod, Sirius pressed on, “Good. We're going to use those, too, to see what we can find. Snape got us the titles for the ones Trelawney uses for those pressing on with it and we're going to see what's there also. Those we don't think will be much help, honestly. I get that she's made a couple of real predictions, but she's mostly about show. Rufus is going to see what he can dig up for us that might help. We just don't want to chance anyone outside the small circle that knows figuring it out is all. We'll muddle through.” Seeing Harry look uncomfortable but nod, Sirius asked, “Can you explain to me, or at least try, what you can remember when you did come across with the predictions? Or is it something you can't clarify?”
Sighing, Harry looked down, brow furrowed. He remembered, but it would be hard to explain it. “I don't know if I can, but I'll try. It's just not something easy to describe is all.”
“Give it your best shot. If I don't understand, I'll say something and we'll see what we can figure out,” Sirius assured him with a smile.
“It's—I don't know, it's like a place I go. Or that's what it seems like. Not sure how to explain it. I know it's the same place that those nightmares I keep getting are coming from. I can't describe it any better than that,” Harry told him, slightly frustrated because he just knew no way to fully get it across to him.
“What kind of place, do you know?” Sirius asked, listening intently. This was really the first time any of them had delved into this chunk with Harry other than to explain what had happened when he was 'out of it'.
After thinking that over for a couple of minutes to figure out how to word it and explain something that was easy for him to get, but knew it wouldn't translate well into saying it, Harry explained, “It's like an in between place. I don't know how to get it across any better than that. Sorry.”
“Can you tell me in between what? Or don't you know?” Sirius inquired, curious.
“It's like it's in between 'reality', like where we are now, and another place.” Looking at Sirius, he shook his head then said, “As nutters at it sounds, the other place has to do with that Veil.”
“That actually makes sense, Harry,” Sirius assured him with a smile. “Some of what you've come across with has to do with a message from those we know are dead. And there was that chunk about passing through the Veil when we know you died.” Seeing a relieved look on his godson's face, he asked, “About this place—what's it like? I don't mean describing what it looks like, more like, what happens there.”
“It's like I get nudges. You know, the kind of thing you get from someone that wants your attention but doesn't want to be seen doing it?” Seeing Sirius nod, he pressed on, “It's kinda' like that, but not exactly. It's not a physical thing, more of a mental one.”
“Do you always know who is nudging you? And is it the same person each time?”
“No, not always. Most of them I don't know who they are. Well, until the message comes, then I can usually figure it out. Some I do,” Harry explained the best he could.
“Like with your mum and dad?” Seeing Harry nod, Sirius was happy with this. Though it sounded bloody confusing as hell, he at least understood what his godson was explaining. “Do you understand why these people are doing that?”
Looking down and thinking that over, brow furrowed, Harry tried to figure out how to word it. Quietly, he said, tone distracted, “I'm not sure. I think there is something that attracts them to me. That I'm not sure about. At least that's what it feels like anyway, not sure how I know that, though. Because even when I passed that message on to you, there were other nudges. They just didn't relate to what I needed to pass on. Sometimes it felt like that the ones doing it wanted to pass something along, but it had nothing to do with what the person nudging hardest had to say. The ones I knew to pass along felt like they were sitting right next to me. The other nudges didn't come from them and they weren't that 'close'. Sorry, I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Some of this is just so fuzzy that it's hard to remember, let alone explain.”
“You're doing a damned good job explaining it,” Sirius assured him. “Do you feel the nudges all the time? Or just when in that place?”
“Just in that place,” Harry told him firmly.
“Do you know how you get into that place? I mean, other than with the dreams. I assume that sleeping pulls you there though you don't intend it to,” Sirius asked.
“I don't know how,” Harry admitted with a shake of his head. “I think part of it was the potions. Whatever they did just made it—I don't know, easier? Maybe like something always in place wasn't there? I don't know. It's not like that now, at least that I can tell,” Harry sighed with a shrug. This wasn't easy to explain because he honestly didn't fully understand it himself. He was trying though.
“Understood,” Sirius nodded. “I think that means that you can learn to go to that place.”
“I don't want to,” Harry told him firmly, shaking his head. “I have no interest in doing that. The only reason I took Divination was it was an easy class. Nothing more. This isn't something I want to do.”
“I understand,” Sirius soothed. “Harry, it's not something you can shut off now. As it's there, it means we can work with it. It can be used to protect yourself. We need that, desperately. And it can help others. We'll keep it quiet, I swear. Hell, we don't want it out that you can do this. It won't be like what you see with Trelawney and her wanting the attention from it or showing off. It can help you in all kinds of ways. With what you want as a career, it can probably give you a big hand if you can get something towards what happened with whatever you're looking into. That will be a hell of a big help to you!”
“I didn't think of that,” Harry said, brow furrowed, thinking it over.
“It's something that can not only help you, but others, and give you a hand if you work with it,” Sirius assured him. “Just let Cissy see what she can do with you.”
“I'll give it a try,” Harry sighed. “I'm just not comfortable with this.”
“Understandable,” Sirius told him with a firm nod. “There are too many of the psychics out there, in both our world and the Muggle one, that make it a joke. What you did wasn't a joke, Harry. It was dead useful. If even Rufus came over to get help, that's enough to tell you it should be something you work with. He wouldn't do that on a whim.”
“Alright,” Harry said, looking back at him. “I've just seen a lot of movies on this junk and it's all like a joke. I don't know—it's hard to explain. I don't like it and I don't like knowing some of what I came across with or saw.”
Chuckling and grinning just a little, Sirius told him, “If you did, we'd all be in big trouble. I can see where it would be damned uncomfortable. Don't worry about it. It's not something you went snooping to find out. It's just there and you have no way of stopping it. We all get that and aren't worried about it. You shouldn't be either.”
“It's not that easy,” Harry sighed, shaking his head. Then he added, “I'll try not to, though.”
“All we ask,” Sirius assured him. “We'll see what we can do with it. If it comes to naught, nothing to worry about either.” Figuring that was probably about enough of that, he asked, “Since you’re feeling a bit better, do you think you might be up to spending some time working with Lucius for about an hour a day on the History you need to know? It's something that won't be too tiring for you. Plus, he's chomping at the bit to delve into it. Moody brought over a good text to use and Lucius finds it fascinating.”
Grinning, Harry nodded, “Yeah, that sounds good. Just not sure on the taking notes thing is all.”
“We've got you a highlighter for it, so you don't have to worry,” Sirius assured him. “Anything else we'll work with. We figure with you being the only one in the 'class' that you can get through it fairly quickly. Less for you to worry about that way. If you're doing fine with that, we're going to press on with Spellcrafting. Even Draco is excited to learn that. Practical is out for now, we get that, but we're planning on doing two classes a week with just us and one with Snape coming in. Probably on the weekend. Once you get better with the wand and more comfortable with the trembling, we'll start with the practical on it.”
“Yeah, these are good,” Harry grinned. “I actually want to do the Spellcrafting bit. That should be great to learn.”
“We'll work with it.” Reaching out to rub his godson's head, Sirius told him, keeping a gentle tone, “Don't let any of it bug you, Harry. You're behind, yeah, but you'll catch up. Probably fairly quickly too. It's not like the classes in school. All we have to work with is you and Draco, no one else. Which means we can press on faster than at school and spend all the time needed with both of you to make sure you get it. You'll be up to where he is in no time flat once you can manage. All we're worried about with you is the problems and dealing with them. Once we get over that, we move on.” Seeing Harry nod though starting to get that tired look he did just before he wanted a nap, he said, “Why don't you lay down. You look beat.”
“I am,” Harry admitted, grabbing his cane and standing.
Standing, though not helping him, Sirius walked over to the bed with his godson to make sure he didn't have problems. Harry was doing great with the cane and it helped a helluva lot. That was what they needed. Which meant things were progressing, even if they were slow.

Lying there curled up in his bed, Harry was tired. He had spent most of the afternoon working on various areas. Most of that was with his wand and dealing with the trembling. It was getting better that's for damned sure. And it was far less frustrating than before. He was grateful for that. It was just frustrating that things that used to be so easy weren't anymore. In fact, some of them were a real struggle. That set off his temper. He didn't mean for it to do that, but it did. Other times it was enough to make him want to pull his hair out. Everyone was real decent about it and didn't take it personally when he blew up because they knew where it was coming from. They even told him that. It helped, but it was still hard.
Turning onto his back, he could hear Sirius' deep breathing from his godfather's bed. That told him the man was asleep. Shutting his eyes, he focused on that. There was something soothing in a way he couldn't ever describe to know that Sirius was right there all the time anymore. It helped him deal with so much of what he was going through. Sirius could be impulsive and a little reckless, he knew that, but when it came to this situation he was like a rock. That Harry needed, more than he would ever admit. And he loved that he was around his godfather all the time. It was something he had longed for since they met. Though he didn't like the circumstances that brought it on, he adored it. And, honestly? He wouldn't change it. He would take on all the challenges in the world, no matter how rough they were, to keep doing this. As much as he missed his friends and going to school, the first real home he ever had, this was better and he wouldn't change it for anything.
Rolling onto his side, making sure he stayed quiet so he didn't wake Sirius, Harry gazed at his godfather. Sirius was sprawled out on his stomach, one arm hanging off the edge of the bed, sleeping soundly. Smiling a little as he looked at the man, Harry was glad that Sirius seemed happy. He had been cleared, finally, and didn't have to worry about so much. That was perfect. He could also get out of the house if he wanted without worrying about getting caught. Even better. In his mind, he knew he would go through all this mess all over again, no matter how hard it was, for Sirius to have the same outcome. That made it well worth this entire nightmare.
Sighing softly, his eyes slid shut. He was tired, yeah, but his mind was all over. That and, well, honestly, he feared going to sleep because of those dreams. He knew when he drifted into a real sleep they could come again. Each of them seemed worse than the one before. He couldn't remember if he had them while those potions were really wonking him out, but they were there now. And they were horrific. In fact, he feared what he might see in them. Yeah, they were dreams, he knew that, but they were bad. The last one, of walking to his own death after seeing so many he knew dead on Hogwarts grounds was one that he couldn't shake when he woke. Knowing they would come was something that made it to where he didn't want to go to sleep. He would, he knew that, he just didn't want to was all.
Curling up a little, Harry opened his eyes again, locking them on Sirius. He was going to try to focus on something beside the dread of falling asleep. As Sirius was something comforting, he would do that. After all, that was easy. He adored his godfather in more ways than he could ever list. Sirius, in so many ways, was his world, despite how strange it was. He thought that Sirius was really the only one that had really ever put him ahead of anything else, including his own safety. And he adored him for that and so much else. Sirius was also the only one that gave him comfort with so much. Like when he slept with him. It seemed to tone down the nightmares he got. Only Sirius seemed to manage that. And he loved it.
Thinking it over, he gave an internal sigh. So much of what he remembered when he was 'asleep' for those months was now starting to fade into the background. That and he was questioning if it was real. Part of that was his talks with his parents. At this point, he was pretty sure those were real. After all, everyone confirmed that he did die and Sirius had privately told him some of what he described about his parents, things he had no way of knowing, was accurate. Other parts—he was iffy on anymore and wondering about. One of them, though, he hoped was real. He just wasn't sure. That was how he felt about Sirius and that his parents assured him his godfather felt the same way about him.
That—he wanted it to be true in the worst way, but was scared to even broach the topic with Sirius. He wasn't sure if he could take the rejection if it wasn't, not with all else he was dealing with. On top of that, he wasn't real comfortable with the fact that there was now no denying to himself that he was gay. He accepted it finally and there was no going back from that. The lie of being 'normal' wasn't something he could hide behind anymore. He just didn't think he could face others knowing yet and the possibility of rejection. Especially from Sirius. And even if he thought he could risk it, he didn't know how to approach the man about it. Hell, he had about torn himself inside and out to ask Cho out for that stupid ball. This would be worse. Much worse. And he just couldn't do it yet. He would wait to see before he decided what to do.
Giving an internal shake of his head as he felt sleep start to pull at him, the fear of what he might see this time also growing, Harry tried to focus on nothing but his breathing. He hoped that would calm him. It wouldn't due to go to sleep having real fears feed into the nightmares. What he longed for was to slip into Sirius' bed and curl up to him. Oh, he still got the nightmares when he did that, but it made them manageable. It was like he could shove them aside because Sirius was there. He wouldn’t do that though. Sirius deserved a chance at a restful night's sleep without him in his bed. After all, the man had to put up with sharing a bed with him for months now. Not to mention sharing a room. It was time to let him get some sleep on his own.
Finally, despite the fact that he was unconsciously fighting it, Harry began to doze off. As he slipped from a doze to a real sleep, he heard the voice he knew was his father's telling him not to worry. That Sirius really did feel the same for him. His dad told him just to give it time and it would come. Patience was all that was needed. As he slipped further into the sea of dreams, ones that he didn't realize were caused by what his parents had done, Harry hoped it was his father's voice and he was right. Because, honestly, the only real thing he wanted in the world was Sirius. Anything else? It didn't matter. He would deal with it as long as he was with Sirius.
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In His Place