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Lilly's Secrets	By : Sealpotter Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 5865 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters associated with the books/movies and I never have and never will make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Warnings: M/M, Angst, Solo
~A/N ~ Thank you for all the reviews. I have finally finished the story and will begin posting the rest as I edit each chapter. For those that posted, I thank you for your comments. As I have done so much already, thanks for pointing out the correct spelling of Lily, but for my purposes, I will keep it consistent with the same spelling. I will remember for future uses.
Chapter 12 - The Wisdom of Coming of Age
The next few months saw a worried Harry who visited Professor Snape each day in the infirmary. The man was catatonic, nothing seemed to pull him out of whatever void he was in. He was on a strong dose of dreamless sleep each night, and a regimen of healing herbal stimulation treatments during the day. Harry was growing more despondent each day. By the end of June, Harry was barely sleeping. The dreams had grown into a vision of his emotional and mental state. Empty, void, barren, dark and lost. His only hope was thinking they would bring the good professor out of his stupor. George, Draco, Hermione and Ron all tried to visit Harry and cheer him up, nothing seemed to work. Hermione was trying to help by relaying techniques used on her parents to Madam Pomfrey, but so far nothing was working.
George and Draco had grown close during the last few months, though they had ensured their relationship was slow and deliberate. Draco wanted to build it on friendship first. George and Draco found they had many things in common as Draco started to really let go and discover more about himself now that he was free to make his own way. Both sets of parents had not been too keen on the bonding, but eventually they had come to accept it. Ron was the last to get over the idea that Draco was now part of the family, but Hermione pushed him a bit on that end.
June 25th
Harry lay on his bed, tired, but fearing sleep. He had told no one about his dreams, so tonight he decided to go ahead with the dreamless draught, hoping rest would help. Every day he was losing more hope that the elation he felt at the survival of Snape was for nothing. The man was so far gone that nothing seemed to bring him back. It was killing Harry to watch. Harry drank the potion and lay down, waiting for the blissful rest with no dreams.
Harry was shaken by a pale hand, and barely opened his eyes before Draco's frantic form came into view.
"What is it?" Harry asked.
"He's awake, but screaming for you!" Draco said breathlessly. Evidently he had ran here. Harry got to his feet and quickly donned shoes. He pictured the infirmary and apparated on the spot without thinking. Draco barely avoided splinching as he grabbed a stronger hold on Harry's arm. They both fell on the hard rock floor of the infirmary to the surprise of a distraught Madam Pomfrey.
She looked over the two with caution then nodded in the direction of Professor Snape's bed. "He started seizing a couple of hours ago, then screaming for you Harry about 20 minutes ago. I sent Mr. Malfoy to get you and see if you could help. But he has calmed down a bit, and is resting without the potion I might add." She informed them.
Harry walked over to the bed and looked down at the form of his former Professor, not quite peaceful, but at least he was resting on his own. Then the time frame dawned on him.
He looked back towards Madam Pomfrey and Draco. "What time did he start Seizing?"
"It was around 10pm" Pomfrey replied, "Why?"
"That's when I took a small sip of dreamless potion myself, I needed extra undisturbed rest." Harry said, "I think we have a connection."
Madam Pomfrey looked surprised, "I'll get Headmistress McGonagall, she might know more about this." She bustled out of the room.
Draco just stood there watching.
"Can I have a moment alone with him Draco?" Harry asked, hesitantly. Draco nodded, "I'll go see George for a while." Harry nodded and watched the man leave.
He refocused on the sleeping man, and raised his wand. "Legilimens"
Harry felt the infirmary fade, and darkness over take him. At first he thought he was in one of his dreams, and then he realized that it wasn't his dream, but Snape's. Harry was lying inside a tomb, dead. Eyes closed hands tight against his body. Snape was standing over him, crying and stroking his head and face gently. The real Harry walked up beside the man and laid a gentle hand on the sagging shoulder. Snape turned, eyes filled with grief and guilt, only to be turned to shock. Harry realized that this was not a dream, but Snape's mind, his reality. Those coal black eyes just stared at him in disbelief, then back to the boy in the coffin, and back towards Harry.
Harry smiled. "I'm alive, sir. Come out of your mind and see. You didn't fail her. Everything is as it should be. Wake up, I'll be here. I have always been by your side waiting to show you." Harry saw the understanding dawn on the face of his professor, and a feeling of hope and happiness seemed to well up inside of him. Harry was slowly pushed out of Snape’s mind. It wasn't a throwing out like he had been expecting, but a conscious slow and gentle removal. He found himself still standing next to the bed of one of the bravest men he had ever known, and found those black eyes staring up at him. Harry smiled, "Welcome back Professor" "Severus..." Snape offered his voice hoarse but with a deep rasp that sent shivers down into Harry's groin. Harry stopped the blush the instant he felt it start and firmly held his face and body in check. Why had his hormones decided to surface now?
Madam Pomfrey and the Headmistress clamored in towards the bed, Harry started to back away only to be caught with those black eyes fixed on him once again. He felt pinned by that gaze. He was effectively anchored to the spot, mesmerized. The world seemed to fall away, the noise, the room, everything melted away and it was just Harry and Severus. A shared gaze that meant everything and yet was totally untranslatable. Harry's body was in flames, the blackness pierced him, and his blood boiled. His groin spasmed and the shock overtook him.
Severus blinked first, all the fussing broke into his mind, forcing him to make contact with others. He was weak, his body weary, his mind tired.
"Glad to have you back Severus, well keep you here for a few days then you can go back to your rooms if you like. After you are well of course." Pomfrey said, elated.
McGonagall nodded and seemed a bit nervous, "We'll talk business later once your well. It's just good to see you Severus."
Severus nodded, then looked to see Harry sitting in a corner, trying not to look at him. That made him upset, why won't he even look at me. Everything is muddled. He could remember bits and pieces from the last few months, but not much. Seeing Harry alive felt like a balm to his soul, but he knew that the boy needed space, and that his interference would not be welcome after their history.
Harry on the other hand was sitting in a corner admonishing himself. How could just one look make him feel as if his body was burning up? He had lost control and cum in his pants from a look. He was completely embarrassed, humiliated and off kilter. It was shameful to think of such a man like that. Wasn't it? Harry stood up and turned on his foot, hoping no one saw the dark stain on his trousers as he apparated home.
Severus was totally taken aback by that last display. Did Harry just apparate inside Hogwarts? Now that was new. Evidently McGonagall noticed the absence and Snape's curiosity.
"Hogwarts has a new protector, Severus." She stated simply. Knowing that would explain it all. The protector of Hogwarts could come and go at will, no wards or charms against apparition would keep them out. They alone held the capacity to funnel the power of the school to repair it, to heal it, and help in all things the castle needed. It was the reason Albus knew everything that happened within the walls, it was how he alone could come and go as he please within the school. His position as Headmaster helped as well, but even that had limitations. Apparition was one of them. Severus only nodded. It was a great honor to be chosen, and he could think of no one better that embodied the empathy needed for such a role.
The two ladies decided to leave him to his rest after warning him repeatedly not to get up without assistance and not over exerting himself. They said nothing about the connection Harry had mentioned, afraid that too much could over tax the man. He laid back and tried to remember what had happened.
Harry's House.
When Harry arrived George and Draco were waiting for him in the parlor. "He's awake and seems to be doing better. I... there was something...I don't know..." Harry trailed off...
George eyed him quizzically, Draco was about to say something, and his eyes caught a telltale sign of dark wetness on Harry's jeans. He nudged George.
George nearly laughed out loud before being elbowed by Draco. Harry looked down and back up and blushed... "That was the something. I'm confused."
George sobered, "What happened?"
"I'm not sure, I think my hormones are not working right. I don't think of Professor Snape in that way, or at least I shouldn't. But When he looked at me, it was.." Harry trailed off trying to think of the correct words.
"I felt like we were suspended in time, the world fell away. There was comfort, peace, serenity, and heat. My blood felt like it was boiling, my body on fire, and then I exploded. It was so fast and then Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey were there, and I was embarrassed so I just came home." Harry said, blushing and confused.
"George, you think it's just stress?" Draco asked, arm slipping around the older man unconsciously.
"I don't know, possibly... Just go take a nice shower Harry and get some rest. Maybe you are just exhausted. Our bodies do strange things when we are not rested enough, and you haven’t been yourself lately. Has your mother's parchments revealed anymore?" George asked, trying to get Harry to focus on something. Harry needed a mission or outlet, that was just who he was.
Harry's eyes lit up. "Yeah, She said I needed to brew the Epiphany potion. Though I'll have to look it up, as I never heard of it."
Both George and Draco had not heard of it either, so they were clueless as to where to start.
"Talk to Professor Snape in the Morning, he might know. He is a potion's master after all." George offered.
Harry nodded and walked up the stairs to his room, the second bed had disappeared a while ago. Harry picked out some clean fresh sleep clothes and then proceeded to the bathroom to clean up.
When Harry finally had fallen to sleep, the house was quiet and serene.
Harry drifted in and out of odd dreams, bits of dueling here, flying there, laughing with friends. Most of it was just tid bits, and he passed through them restfully.
"Open your eyes, I want to see your eyes," A low smooth voice told him. Harry was still dreaming, but now he was afraid, the man in his dreams was back, and talking in a very clear, very familiar voice.
Harry hesitantly opened his eyes to stare up into black pools of obsidian. The intensity he found there was overwhelming. There was passion, pain, and desire. Harry knew now that he desired Severus. The man was unearthly in his unique beauty. Silk tendrils of ebony hair begging to be touched, a pale face with sharp lines that called to Harry. Thin lips that curved just right for a kiss, and a voice that could melt stone. He knew the desire he saw in those heated black eyes was of his own making, it was his dream after all. He reached up to touch that face, tracing each hard line, each angle with the pads of his fingers. He watched as those eyes slid shut embracing his touch. His hand began to tremble when he reached those soft lips. They parted upon his first touch, and those eye were on him again, fueling the fire in his belly. Harry's finger traced the bottom lip, and Severus closed his mouth to suck gently on it, pulling it deep within that heated mouth. Harry felt a tongue swirl around his finger as the suction kept it tight between Severus' lips. He felt ready to explode on the spot just from this simple yet very erotic act.
Harry tilted forward, slipping his finger out of Severus' mouth, never taking his eyes off the black orbs staring at him. He pushed up and pressed his lips to those soft thin ones in front of him. The professor's eyes closed, and his lips parted under Harry’s. Harry did not know what to do, and it seemed like Severus decided to claim him and help out in Harry's naiveté. Severus took Harry's mouth forcefully, delving in with his tongue to capture Harry's and drug it into the older man's mouth, pushing, and tasting and guiding. Harry was overwhelmed. The sensation of having his mouth devoured by Severus was too much. The man tasted of sin and spice, alluring and dizzying. When Harry felt those warm hands take hold of his head, He exploded.
Harry sat up in bed, breathing hard, raggedly. His heart was racing, his mouth still burned from his dreams, and his groin was wet and sticky. Damn he needed another shower... His dreams were going to kill him or get him into trouble.
Hogwarts.
Professor Severus Snape woke from his dreams in a state of hard need. He had been dreaming of Harry since the day the boy had died... but he was not dead. This dream though was so real, so alive, and so dangerous. In his own private mind he would hide this attraction, he did not understand it, but it was not safe.
Severus reached for his wand, cast a silencing charm around him, and reached under the covers. He needed relief. He pictured those emerald eyes staring at him, as he stroked himself. The precum already spilling from the head of his stiffness, dripping down to help his hand work better. His thumb flicked the tip as he groaned in pleasure, a vision of green eyes looking at him as pink lips encircled his prick. Severus exploded on that thought, spurting against his hand and sheets. Severus stroked and milked himself until he was fully sated, then cast a cleansing charm to erase the moment. He dropped the silencing charm and laid down, hopefully to rest and not dream. He had to keep his distance from the boy. Something was happening here and he could not afford to take any chances. Severus drifted off into a restless sleep.
Harry woke early the next morning and decided to take a stroll by the lake shore. Summer was in full swing so the weather was nice even during the morning. He dressed quickly and made his way down the stairs. Passing the parlor he noticed George and Draco asleep on the couch. They had fallen asleep holding each other. It was such a sweet sight that Harry had to smile. He was happy that they had something in each other. George especially needed someone to help him get through his grieving for Fred. Draco had been exceptionally understanding and supportive. Draco needed someone to accept him and let him explore who he was now that he could be himself, and George was very encouraging. Harry slipped out quietly and walked down to the shore line.
The sun was barely out, but the sun was bright and reflecting off the water. Harry moved closer to a small bunch of trees, and slipped down, with a branch blocking the blinding light, Harry could see the reflection of the mountains on the lake. The serenity was very calming. Harry started sorting his thoughts and what he knew so far. His mother was guiding him closer to something, she also was guiding Severus, and she protected Harry, and protected Severus. Harry was drawn to the man for most of his life. They were like sparks and wood, each making the other explode, feeding off each other in a negative way for so long, but always there. He was always there, protecting, comforting in a strange way. There really was no sexual attraction until recently, but it seems there were always emotions.
These dreams had Harry muddled, his body wanted one thing, while his mind warred with him on what was right and wrong. The man was a draw physically, and there was so much to respect the man for with all the sacrifices he had made. Harry felt there was more than he had considered.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Hermione had appeared and seemed to be watching him closely.
Harry motioned for her to sit down. "Remember the parchments from my mother I told you about?"
"Sure" She replied.
"I think I know who my soul mate is that she is talking about. I am not sure what to do about it though." Harry offered, "I think it is Professor Snape."
Hermione thought on it for a moment, "It makes sense, from what we know now. Remember the diary?"
"Yeah." Harry injected hoping she would continue.
"He only became belligerent and upset, declaring his love for your mother after her pregnancy. His feelings of friendship, morphed. I think she knew then that he was it. He just couldn't see past her to see you."
"I think you are right. The memory of his I saw from when he almost died, she said almost the same thing. It makes more sense now. For now I will see what we can do about the Epiphany potion she told me to make, I planned on asking the professor about it this morning, but I might head to the library first." Harry said determinately.
Hermione smiled, at least he was going to read something.
Harry got up and held out a hand to help her up, and they walked to the castle in a comfortable silence.
Harry's search only gave him the idea behind the potion, but not any instructions. The potion was designed to allow the drinker to become more aware of reality and see the truth in words by removing the person's bias from the mind's filter. Harry didn't understand why that would be necessary, but if that is what it took, he would work on it. Plus he needed something to do, some mission, his mind would go in a bad direction when he got the chance to think. Always remembering that last day.
Harry arrived at the infirmary late in the morning, slipping in quietly like always. He moved closer to the Professor's bed, only to find the man sitting up and reading, fully awake. Harry felt nervous, he was about to turn away and go back the way he came, when that velvet voice caressed him. It was like a cream flowing over him, filling his mind with pleasure and his body with heat.
"To what do I owe the pleasure, Mr. Potter?" Severus drawled.
Harry shivered and walked forward slowly trying to will down the erection in his pants. He was congratulating himself for donning some walking robes. He took a seat next to the bed and looked up, trying to sound confident and determined.
"I am in need of your potions knowledge, sir," Harry said with an even tone.
Snape's eyebrow quirked up.
"I have a potion that I know little about, but need to brew. I was hoping you had some understanding of the Epiphany potion, or could point me in the direction of a text that had the instructions." He spoke, almost softly.
"That potion is considered an expert potion. Similar to Veritaserum, it possesses some similar qualities. There is no text, because only masters are provided the instructions during their last year of study as a trainee under their master. Why do you want to brew this?" Snape asked very curious for the reason.
"Over the last few months I have been slowly working through some challenges. I better start at the beginning so you understand..." Harry said.
Harry started telling Severus about the parchments, the man was stoic to say the least. Each revelation was met with no emotion to reveal any surprise or disgust or longing. He did purse his lips over the reading of his diary though, and frowned at the use of Legilimens on himself.
"I'm sorry professor, to have invaded your mind like that, but at the time, it was necessary. I needed to know how to help you. I couldn't watch you suffer anymore, I had seen you die once. I couldn't bring myself to let you go... to let you waste away and die again." Harry stumbled through the explanations. Looking away after the last parts.
Severus held himself and his reactions in check. "I understand, Mr. Potter. These challenges seem a bit childish and unnecessary. But seeing as there are no nefarious purposes, I won't mind guiding you in making the potion. But I cannot impart the most secretive parts, as you will need a real apprenticeship for that."
Harry looked back up, surprised by the answer, and the quickly masked emotions that were shut out of those mesmerizing black eyes. Harry peeled his gaze away, trying to make it quick, and untoward.
"Thank you professor. I have a potions lab in my house if you care to try it there, it is rather nice as it is under the lake. Once you are released, you can stop by for lunch and then we can start. It will give you something to help you get back to normal, and I will be there to help you not over exert yourself... that should make our wonderful head mistress and loyal nurse happy." Harry offered.
Snape actually cracked a smile, but it was quickly gone, but thoroughly incapacitated the boy sitting next to him. Those green eyes looked like they had just been hit with a blinding light, it was a very sexy look on him. Severus chastised himself for the errant thought.
"Very well. I will see if I can get out of here before your birthday, if the vultures don't circle too long." Severus said, flashing another small smile again, selfishly wanting to see that look one more time. He got his wish.
Harry went to stand up and nearly tripped over the chair. "I'll see you later then professor, if you need anything, call... Hogwarts will let me know." He moved to the middle of the room and turned on his heel apparating back to his home, before his blush threatened to consume him.
Harry walked in to his home, greeted with a sight of Draco crying, but smiling, while looking up at an almost awestruck George.
"Um... everything ok?" Harry asked, hoping he wasn't interrupting.
Draco and George turned toward Harry and both had giant grins on their faces.
"We are going to plan a formal bonding ceremony for the second of August. Draco and I will pledge our love to each other publicly." George said, his grin getting goofier each second.
Draco nodded, opened his mouth but was unable to speak.
Harry walked over and hugged each one. "Congratulations. You two are so good together."
Draco looked over to George and back to Harry. "Will you be OUR best man Harry?"
Harry backed up and only nodded, thrilled to be asked such and honor.
The two were practically inseparable before their announcement, but afterwards it was worse. It was obvious they were in love, and in a way made Harry jealous. Severus rarely reached out to initiate any contact with Harry. Over the next two weeks, there were only brief conversations that were benign about potions, but nothing else. Harry felt he was being pushed away, no matter how much he was trying to get closer. The dreams didn't help either, each night it was the opposite of the day. They would talk, get closer, hold each other, and kiss... the kisses were an addiction, even if it was only in dreams.
A week before Harry's birthday, Severus was finally released under strict instructions not to over exert himself. Harry was nervous, not knowing when the Potions Master would stop by like they had planned. That Friday, Harry was reading a book on charms used with potions when the knock came. His stomach fluttered, his head spun and his heart beat frantically. There was no mistaking who was at his door. The wards were so strong each magic signature was identified to him. Harry straightened his clothes and walked over to the door, opening it slowly. The reveal of dark hair, lean figure and stark face, took his breath away. Severus seemed naturally unaffected, gave a curt nod and entered the room.
"Lunch first I presume, Mr. Potter." He drawled.
Heated pleasure pain gripped Harry's lower regions upon hearing the words. Merlin how will he cope with the man in his presence for the rest of the day.
"Yes, sir. The kitchen is this way, no formal dining here, just a small table set for two. Draco and George are out in London looking for the perfect floral arrangements for their ceremony." Harry said, waving in the direction of the kitchen and walking there, knowing Severus would follow. The idea that Severus was walking behind him did nothing to dampen his libido.
Harry sat down at the table, each day for the past week he had set the table for two. Each day he had prepared lunch himself. Today was no different. The table was set with small white plates on either side, forks and a knife. In the middle was a bowl full of beef and chicken dumplings, and side of a soy mixture for dipping. Severus sat, and Harry took the seat facing him. Each took a dumpling and started eating, Harry watching Severus for any reactions.
Severus took the first bite of a chicken dumpling after dipping it in the sauce and the most amazing flavor flooded his tongue. Salty yet tangy and the spices were amazing. He could not control the absolute melting at the taste. Harry watched as the man just came alive in front of him. Obsidian eyes rolling in the back of his head, mouth moving sensuously to savor the flavor, and a smile creasing those lips. Harry' caught his breath at the pure sensuality of the moment.
Severus regained control and shut his eyes tight, hoping the young man had not caught that. Opening his eyes he was frozen with fear, those green eyes were wide and trained on him.
Severus schooled his face, swallowed and wiped his mouth with the napkin provided.
"Your elf is a good cook, this was wonderful... I am sorry for such a display, I have a soft spot for good food." Severus said, trying to explain his reaction better.
Harry beamed, the smile was blinding. Severus felt his blood run hot, and his groin harden painfully. "That was not an elf's cooking, sir. That was my own."
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Lilly's Secrets