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ONE LIFE TO LIVE	By : Mistress Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 9831 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. Nor do I make any money off of writing in here.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Been awfully long since the last update, but the new chapter is finally here. It seems to be longer than I originally thought it would be, so I decided to make it in two parts. Hope you like it and give it some positive feed back. As always, sorry for any mistakes. I try to correct them all as I go.
                                                                        CHAPTER TWELVE

                                                                       LUCIOUS (PART ONE)

I can’t recognize him anymore. The change in him makes me scared sometimes. He spends most of his time in mansion’s basement that has been transformed into a lab. When I ask him what he is working on, he says that it’s a potion for our Lord. All my attempts to discuss it further, are met with silence. His work in the lab wouldn’t bother me much if it wouldn’t be for his other experiments that he conducts right at the Dark Lord’s castle.
Voldemort’s hate for muggles is not a secret for anyone and the raids on their houses become more often, as his power among his followers grows. Several of them are always brought back into the castle and thrown into dungeons where they await for their future fate. As scary as their fate is, when Voldemort’s most eager followers are done with them, it’s what happens to them before, that is outright disturbing.
Women are brought into a separate room and chained to the wall with a complete body bind curse. After they are ready, Severus enters the room and before long, gut-wrenching screams and cries are filling the walls of the castle. No one ever enters the room before he goes out, but when he does, the whispers of other death eaters can be heard behind his back. After he’s done, he bows to the Dark Lord and goes back to the mansion.
I myself, try to spend as less time as possible in the castle. Most of the requests I receive from the Dark Lord are money related. My wealth, as well as the wealth of other pure blood families, is what pays for all this. Even though I never participate in the raids myself, the Dark Lord believes that people should be used according to their most advantageous qualities, the things that I witness, are enough to give me nightmares. However, as the Dark Lord stays true to his word. Severus and I are given a weekly update on progress in capturing Potter. Even though he is still nowhere to be found, almost all who are close to him are ether dead now, or missing.
Discovering and eliminating people close to him, robs Potter of the places he can hide and brings us that much closer to finding him. Unfortunately, the more time passes by, the more it dawns on me that it’s because of me and my thirst for revenge, I am now losing the one who I’ve gotten used to calling my brother. Sometimes I wonder if there is anything that might bring him back from what that he has become. Not that I haven’t changed myself. With each passing day, I am able to tolerate more and more cruelty that comes from our Lord and his followers.
Just thinking about it, makes me wonder if I am becoming the man I hated the most, my father. Alcohol doesn’t help me relax anymore, even though I use it more now than ever. If anything, it helps me fall asleep faster than any sleeping drought. Before closing my eyes each night, the same thought forms in my mind, how low have I allowed both of us fall and in the end, when James Potter is finally dead, will there be any salvation for us?
Strangely enough, on one of those evenings when my mind is clouded with alcohol and my self-loathing is at its highest, heaven sends me an unexpected guest, as if to remind me about one more soul that was ruined because of me.
- “Cissy? What are you doing here, darling?” I try my best to stand, but my feet won’t allow me.
- “I haven’t seen you lately. You’ve been hiding in your study for a whole week. I just decided to check on you. Dobby told me that you’re drinking again.”
I knew I shouldn’t have bought that elf. – “I’m sorry I haven’t been visiting you. I… I should have… I just…”
- “Don’t be.” She pulls up the chair and sits by me, taking my hand into hers. This is the most intimate contact we ever had since that damn night. “Why won’t you tell me what’s going on?”
- “Nothing… A lot… I… I can’t. I can’t tell you everything, I’m sorry.”
- “If we ever want to fix it, you will have to tell me.”
- “Fix it? I didn’t know you’d want to. I thought you just… hate me.”
- “I don’t hate you. I’ve been thinking a lot about us and I want to give this another chance. That is, if you still do.”
I squeeze her hands. – “You forgive me?”
- “I’m trying, but I need to know what’s going on. I need you to talk to me.”
- “Cissy, I…”
- “Does it have anything to do with Severus?”
Somehow, her sitting so close to me affects me more than any amount of alcohol. I close my eyes and lower my head, pressing my forehead to her fingers.
- “I failed him, Cissy. Just like I failed you. I can’t tell you everything. I just can’t.”
- “Why?”
- “Because… because I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. I ‘m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I never wanted things to go the way they did. I never wanted any of this and now it’s too late. We can’t stop this. Even when he’s dead, we won’t be able to stop. It’s too late for us. Too late.”
I hate myself for not being able to tell her the whole truth, so I just keep sobbing incoherent words into her hands until I feel one of them on my head, her fingers gently running through my hair. In a few short moments I feel her gentle embrace.
- “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to leave you and you don’t have to tell me everything right now, but I want you to stop this drinking and start talking to me. I understand that you’ve made mistakes, but we can work on them together and hopefully make it all better. Or at least we can try to do it together. Look at me” she says, raising my head up.
Next thing I feel is her soft lips brushing my own. Her kiss is soft and is meant to reassure, rather than inflame, but in my intoxicated state it shoots directly into my groin. I take her hands and pull her closer. She blushes from this new close contact, as I bring my lips to hers again.
This kiss is much more passionate than the other. The scent of her drives me crazy and I can barely hold myself from throwing her over my desk and taking her right here, in my study. One of my hands brushes over her breast and I feel her body stiffen before she draws back from me. Shit, I fucked it up again.
- “I’m sorry, Cissy. I don’t know what came over me.”
- “No, it’s me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
- “There’s nothing wrong with you. I shouldn’t have done it, that’s all.”
- “You didn’t do anything wrong. We should be able to… I should be able to do it. It’s has been a long time since… and you need a woman, a real woman.”
I pull her closer again and cup her face with the palms of my hands.
- “You’re a real woman. The best woman I have ever known and you can take as much time as you need.”
- “No. I don’t want to take any more time. I want to try. I want to not cringe away every time you touch me. I want to know if it can be different than it was the first time. I want it to be slow and gentle.”
She looks at me and I see two big tears running down from the corners of her eyes. “Will you be gentle with me, Lucius?”
- “I will be, I promise.”
- “Then let’s go. Take me to your bedroom and make love to me.”
I take her hand into mine and take her to my room.
Our first time together is definitely not what my body needs right now, but I want to make it good for her and so I take my time with gentle touches, kissing and caressing each and every inch of her, making her relax and get used to the new feelings. Hopefully, someday we can have it the way I like, but until then, I’m going to make her feel what she should have felt from the start.
Needless to say that her body is beautiful and I like the way she responds to my touch. Even though, I can still see some fear behind those beautiful eyes, she does her best not to show it. At some point, she goes as far as to do a little exploring herself. She puts me on my back and covers me with light kisses and touches, finding all the sensitive places, until I can’t take it anymore. Gathering all the little patience that’s left in me, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
- “Lucius? Am I doing something wrong?”
- “No. Nothing wrong. Just trying to give you more time.”
She brushes my lips with hers. – “What would you like me to do?”
I take her hand in mine and guide it to my cock.
- “Oh, right. How… how do you like it?”
Without saying a word, I wrap her hand around the shaft and start moving it up and down, having her grip it a little tighter every time she touches the head. A few moments later, she decides to add a little something of her own and I feel her hot breath on the tip of my cock.
- “Cissy, you don’t have to… oh…”
Her movements are not as polished as the ones I’m used to and she doesn’t take it as deep as I like, but at this point I don’t even care. Her mouth feels good. Very good.
- “Cissy… oh… please.”
My cock feels as if it’s about to explode and I don’t even know whether I’m asking her to stop or to continue. She stops for a moment and looks at me.
- “You don’t like it? I’ve heard some man do, so I just thought…”
- “I do. I like it, I just… I need you. Come here.”
She stiffens a bit at my request, but lays by me, as I cover her body with my own. “Relax, please. I’m not going to hurt you” I murmur, kissing her lips, neck and shoulders and everything else I can put my lips on.
- “Tell me you love me, Lucius. I want to hear you say it.”
- “I love you. Every part of you. All of you. More than anyone and anything I loved in my life.”
- “I love you too, so much.”
I feel her body relax and use this moment to slide into her. Gods, she feels good. So good. I try my best to prolong it for her, but my body can’t take much longer and a few short minutes is all it takes for my orgasm to build and rip out of me, making me shutter, as I spill myself inside of her. Thankfully, right before I do, I feel her legs tighten around me, while she screams out my name. Thank Gods, I was able to make it good for both of us and managed to not make a complete idiot out of myself.
Exhausted, I lay beside her and gather her in my arms. Silently, she turns to face me, light smile playing on her lips. Suddenly, I don’t feel so sure of myself.
- “Was it good for you, love? I mean, I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
- “No, I liked it. You were really good.”
- “Why won’t you close your eyes and try to get some rest, I can see that you’re tired.”
- “Yeah, I just… Can I ask you something?”
- “Of course.” Shite. That’s never a good sign.
- “Well, when I kissed you there… I mean when I… when I…”
- “When you took me into your mouth?”
- “Yeah” she says, blushing crimson. “You… have you ever had someone else do that to you?”
Shite, why does she have to go there? How can I tell her, it will ruin everything. Well, so much for being truthful.
- “Cissy…”
- “No, you know what, just forget I asked. It’s not as if I was there for you and you’re a man with your own needs and…”
I press my forefinger to her lips and give her a little kiss. – “It was my first time having something like that and I can’t even describe how good it made me feel. Having your mouth on me felt perfect. You felt perfect. Like everything I’ve dreamed about.”
- “You’ve dreamed of doing this with me?”
- “More times than you can imagine.”
- “So what did you do when you wanted to… I mean…”
- “Cissy, you’re killing me with your questions.”
- “Sorry. I just want to know. I mean I know I’m not supposed to be jealous, not like we had something like that before it’s just…”
- “If I tell you, will you stop asking and let us both rest?”
- “Yes.”
- “I used my own two hands” I answer, trying to sound shy, so my answer would come out believable. It seems to work and she smiles at me, finally putting her head down and closing her eyes. Just when I close my own, I feel her stir again.
- “Lucius?”
- “Yes”
- “I thought it only takes one hand. I mean when you showed me…”
- “Cissy, please. You promised.”
- “Ok fine, but you will have to show me later.”
- “I will.”
- “Lucius?”
- “Yes”
- “I love you.”
- “I love you too”
Somehow saying that to her comes out so easy, almost naturally. Have I become so insensitive that I don’t even think twice before declaring my love to her, or maybe it’s the fact that saying it to her feels right. After all, she deserves to hear it and I should have been saying it from the start. She has always been there for me and if it makes her feel better, then so be it. Maybe, for once in my life I’m finally doing the right thing.
After our time together, our relationship has gotten much better. She welcomes my touch and doesn’t draw back anymore. Our love making had gotten much more passionate. She feels more sure of herself and that pleases me. She reminds me of a flower that blooms in front of my eyes and after everything I witness throughout the day, she is the most beautiful thing I see. My safe place. My sanctuary of sort.
Few month passes before she says that she has something important to talk to me about. We’re in bed and she looks at me with her big beautiful eyes, as if trying to guess what my reaction will be.
- “What is it, darling? Did I … do something?”
- “Well, yes.”
Shite, how in Merlin’s balls did I manage to fuck something up without even noticing?
- “I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to…” I start without even knowing what I’m apologizing for. I guess I got so used to my fuck ups that I don’t even need to know what to apologize for anymore. Without letting me finish, she presses her little forefinger to my lips.
- “You forgot to place a contraceptive charm over me last time we made love.”
- “I… I thought I did, didn’t I?”
She looks at me with a smile.
- “You did not and I would not remember it myself if I didn’t notice that I am two weeks late.”
Still trying to wrap my head around her words, I look at her with wide eyes. – “Late?”
- “Yes” she looks at me with a shy smile.
Slowly, the meaning of her words starts dawning on me. – “Cissy, are you saying…”
- “Yes, I’m two weeks pregnant. You’re going to be a father, Lucius. She waits, still not sure if my reaction is going to be good or bad.”
A father? Me? After everything that I have done, this incredible woman, my beautiful, my amazing wife, gives me the best gift a man can ask for.
I wrap my arms around her, pulling her as close as I can and cover the top of her head with kisses.
- “Thank you, my love” is all I can say, and I feel her relax and sigh quietly into my neck.
After that day I must admit, time stars flying faster, or is it just me forgetting about other things and only thinking about being a father? I don’t know, but what I do know is that it feels like nothing I’ve felt before. Indescribable bliss, filled with images of my little baby boy curled up warmly in my arms, or will it be a girl, daddy’s little princess? It doesn’t matter, the main thing is that I, Lucius Abraxas Malfoy will become a father in a short eight month or so.
I know that it’s still too early, but I can’t help myself and start planning. I order the best designers to make one of the rooms into a nursery. I don’t tell Cissy, it’s supposed to be a surprise. For the first time in my life, my feelings towards her are genuine. I want to make her smile, so I keep showering her with gifts, ordering maternity clothing, spending hours thinking about the perfect name. I return after my summons and instead of drinking myself into an oblivion, I take her hand and go with her for a walk around the garden.
Even a certain yellow rose bush, does not get my attention anymore. My gaze never leaves my wife, my hands always wrapped around her now and something deep inside me tells me that this is what having a family is supposed to feel like. And Cissy? She blooms, for the lack of other word. I start recognizing the girl I once knew, except that this girl is now a woman. Gorgeous, smart, wonderful and… imagine that, MINE! ALL MINE!
She is in everything. Her character, her personality is all over the mansion. She transforms it into something completely new, changing the furniture, drapes, the colors of the walls making it lighter and more… guest friendly. She constantly talks to me about having brunches with neighbors and inviting friends over for dinner. I am not big on socializing, but the hell with it, if she wants it, she will have it. She even works on the garden, expanding it and decorating it with new flowers. Some of them I haven’t even seen before. All those changes cost a fortune, but I don’t care. Anything to make her happy, to keep this paradise that I am currently residing in.
Unfortunately, living in a dream makes you forget about the dark reality that will sooner or later remind about itself. Mine does in the shower, after another passionate love making with my beautiful wife, as I wash her hair and lather her skin with soapy water. Suddenly, the water changes color to blood red. The next thing I hear is Cissy’s scream and barely have time to catch her, as she falls into my arms.
With my knees still shaking, I step out of the shower and carefully put her on the bed. Her sides are covered with blood, but thankfully it’s not hers. As the momentary feeling of panic passes, I finally take a look at my own hands. My wrists are covered with blood and it keeps dripping on the floor. I call for an elf and Dobby appears immediately, helping me put bandages around my wrists.
- “Take care of the mistress, I’ll be right back. Make sure she’s comfortable and call a doctor, just in case.”
- “Yes, master. Dobby will do anything for the mistress.”
- “Good. There might be some benefit of keeping you here after all.”
Nodding his head, he reaches his hand out with a small vial clutched in it.
- “Here Master, for your hands.”
Without taking another look at the creature before me, I take the vial and make my way into the basement. The healing charm works and I see a little glow from under the bandages. Inside of the basement is dark, for the exception of a few candles and I’m having hard time adjusting my vision to the surroundings.
- “Severus?” Nothing. “Severus, where are you?” Nothing again. “Severus, answer. What the fuck do you think you’re doing? You had me bleed out in the shower and scared a living daylights out of Cissy.” Silence again. That gets me mad, I pull out my wand “Lumos.” The room lights up and I’m finally able to see my brother’s body on the floor. Pieces of broken Whiskey bottles, contents of which are mixed with blood, are all around the place. I lean over and pull him up. A few hard slaps on his cheeks seem to get him back to reality.
- “Lucius? What are you doing here?”
- “I live here, you miserable sod. What exactly do you think you’re doing?”
- “I was drinking. Since when is it banned?”
- “Fuck the drinking part. What the hell did you try to do to yourself?”
He stares at me with wide eyes until he notices the bandages around my wrists.
- “Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I must have gotten so drunk that I forgot about… Fuck. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Lucius.”
- “I assumed as much. I scared the crap out Cissy though, when I covered the whole shower floor with my blood.”
- “Cissy and you in the shower? Together?”
- “Yes together, you sod. We’ve been together for quite some time now. She is pregnant with my kid.”
- “Pregnant?”
- “Yes”
- “I didn’t know.”
- “No you did not. You would though, if you’d get out of here sometimes.”
- “I’ve been busy.”
- “With what?”
- “Lucius…”
- “I’m tired of your shit. Tell me. “
- “I can’t.”
- “Bullshit. You think I don’t notice what’s going on? You think I don’t hear what they say behind your back? What is it that you’re doing for him? Does he make you do that to yourself? Does he?” My last words come out as a scream. I can’t look at all this anymore. “I swear to God, if you don’t tell me, I’ll kill you myself.”
He stares at me for a while.
- “I’m sorry for ruining you perfect little world, Lucius. Unfortunately, some of us have to make sacrifices, so the others like you could be happy.”
- “Sacrifices? What is that supposed to mean?”
- “Nothing”
Fear of him doing something really awful, something that we both won’t be able to get out of, runs through me.
- “What did you do?”
- “Lucius…”
I grab the sides of his robes and give him a good shake. – “What did you do, Severus?”
He turns his eyes away from me. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the hell can it be if he can’t even look at me?
And then I hear his voice, full of regret and something else. What is it, shame? Gods…
- “I gave her up.”
- “Gave who up?” I almost choke out with fear.
- “Bella”
For a few moments I just stare at him, trying to form the words.
- “You gave her… to whom?”
- “To HIM”
The images of what happens to women that end up in that God’s forsaken place start appearing in front of my eyes.
- “How could you do that? She’s my wife’s sister, my family.”
- “I had to”
- “Show me”
- “Lucius…”
- “Show me, I know you can. I want to know everything. I want to see it.”
He presses two of his fingers to my forehead “Legilimens”
Suddenly, I’m thrown into his memories. Pictures start appearing before me. His talk with Voldemort about the potion, Lessons in Legilimency, Death Eaters hunting everyone who is related to Potter. All pieces fall into a full picture. That’s what he was doing all this time, the potion that allows a complete control over the one who drinks it. Pictures in front of me move forward. All those women chained to the wall, their agonizing screams, as Severus administers the potion with yet another attempt to perfect it. He fails time after time and they are left there to suffer the consequences. Some of them are in pain, some are left without any feelings whatsoever, and each one is left there to wait for their fate at the hands of those who come after him. I can’t help feeling nauseous.
Suddenly, another memory hits me with full force. Severus standing in front of his master.
- “It is done, My Lord. The potion that you have asked for is finished.”
- “Are you sure this time?”
- “Yes, My Lord.”
- “Good, just what I wanted to hear. Now I can reveal the name of the woman to you, but first tell me, do you still as devoted to me as you claimed before?”
- “Of course, My Lord.”
- “And you will not hesitate to do anything for me?”
- “No, My Lord.”
- “And what if it… hurts you in some way?”
- “My life is yours to command, My Lord. I will do as you say.”
- “Very well, my boy. Your loyalty pleases me. Now, the woman I have told you about is… Bellatrix.”
He waits to see Severus’ reaction.
- “Bellatrix, My Lord?”
- “Yes. Does that upset you?”
- “My Lord, she’s… she and I are…”
- “She loves you, does she not?”
- “I would assume so.”
- “And do you love her?”
- “No, My Lord”
- “Then why do you sound upset? Did you not give me your word?”
- “I did”
- “And have I not given you everything that you have asked for so far?”
- “You have, My Lord. You have given me more than I have ever had a chance to earn.”
- “Have I not provided assistance in capturing the man you hate so much?”
- “You have, My Lord.”
- “And have I not strengthen your magic with new skills?”
- “You have, My Lord. You taught me and given me more chances than I have ever been given in this life.”
- “And yet, you still hesitate. Why?”
- “Even though I don’t love Bella, I still want her to be happy, My Lord. I don’t want her to end up like the others.”
- “If that’s what it is, then I give you my word that I will be a kind and merciful master to her. Do I have your blessing now, my son?”
To my complete revulsion, Severus bows his head.
- “I will not stay in your way, My Lord. If you need my blessing, you have it.”
- “I am happy to hear it, Severus.” The gesture of his hand, opens one of the doors to the room and he curls his snake lips in some sort of a smile. “You see my love, I told you it will be this way.”
Bella enters with her head down. She seems calm, but I can see the tears that are running down her cheeks.
- “You did, My Lord.”
- “Go get the potion from Severus and come to me. I want to see you drink it.”
She approaches him slowly and finally brings her eyes up, as her hand reaches out to him.
He gives it to her and tries to hide his feelings under a mask of indifference, but I can feel what her tears are doing to him.
Quietly, he whispers – “Forgive me.”
The look she throws him is cold and full of hate – “Traitor. You will pay.”
The next moment, I am thrown out of his memory. He closes his eyes waiting for my reaction.
- “I’m sorry, Lucius. I didn’t know he was going to choose her.”
My anger takes over and I squeeze my hands into fists. - “You…” I am not able to finish my sentence, as the blasted elf pops up in front of me.
- “Master needs to come quickly.”
- “What is it?”
- “Mistress is not feeling well.”
- “Have you called the doctor like I told you?”
- “Yes Master, but mistress she started feeling worse. Dobby is afraid to tell, sir.”
Angrily, I lift the creature off the floor – “You will tell me or I’ll make sure you will not be able to make another sound for the rest of your miserable life. What is wrong with the mistress?”
- “She’s… she’s bleeding out, sir. Doctor is afraid she will lose the baby.”
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ONE LIFE TO LIVE