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To have loved, and lost (was Missed Chances)	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 10766 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Remebrance
- 2-2.
- 3-3.
- 4-4.
- 5-5.
- 6-6.
- 7-7.
- 8-8.
- 9-9.
- 10-10.
- 11-11.
- 12-12.
- 13-13.
- 14-14.
- 15-15.
- 16-16.
- 17-17.
- 18-18.
- 19-19.
- 20-20.
- 21-21.
- 22-22.
- 23-23.
- 11
- 12
- 13
Minerva looked at him for a moment before replying. “You can’t mean that, Severus.”

“I do… I did…” he moaned, dropping his head into his hands disconsolately. “I only married her because she was young and desirable, not because I felt anything for her.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Severus,” Minerva said primly. “You just told me that she was the only one you could possibly see yourself marrying. As you said, it’s not like you are as unpopular as you once were. There were plenty of women throwing themselves at you before this law was devised, and as I recall all too well, you weren’t exactly protesting at the attention.”

He lifted his head to glare at her. “Mindless imbeciles the lot of them. I would be surprised if collectively they had half the brain power that Hermione has. They were good for a quick tumble, but for a long-term relationship… No matter how beautiful they were, even a month in the same house as someone that… moronic would have been like murder with slow poison.” He paused for a moment, grimacing at the recollection of one or two particularly brainless hussies he’d taken to bed. He’d actually had to gag one to stop her from talking his erection into disappearing. “Besides, not one of them cared a jot for me until after the war,” he continued bitterly. “They just wanted to get their claws into the famous hero that helped destroy the Dark Lord. They cared nothing for me at all… Whereas Hermione wanted me despite our past. Faced with the choice of her, or some worn-out old hag with the brain of a niffler, what would any man do?”

“So, by your own admission you could stand marrying only her because she is not only beautiful and desirable, but clever, interesting, and genuinely feels something for you. Plus, she can relate to what you have been through as you have a shared past. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that doesn’t sound like you married her only because you wanted a young, nubile body in your bed.”

He slammed his hand onto the armrest of the sofa, pushing himself up out of the seat angrily. “That’s not what I mean. You’ve got it all wrong.” He began to pace across the room.

2 months, 1 week earlier.

The road leading to the overly ornate gates was brightly lit. With a quiet crack two figures appeared simultaneously, paused a moment, closely entwined as they were, before stepping apart. Seemingly flustered, Hermione took a moment to smooth down the long cloak she wore over her dress robes. Severus waited patiently, observing with interest the blush on her cheeks, before stiffly offering her his arm. She took it quickly, turning away from his scrutiny, and together they began to walk towards the gates. With a flick of the wand that was already in his hand, they passed through the gate, neither flinching at the cold tingle as the hard metal bars let them through.

As they walked silently along the path to the front door, Severus surreptitiously tried to observe her out of the corner of his eye. It had been a few months since she’d denied his assertion that she was having an affair. He still wasn’t sure what to think. She’d never been a great liar, and her simple rebuttal had had the ring of truth to it. Her behaviour hadn’t changed at all either, when, if she had been cheating, he would have expected some alterations in an attempt to hide what she was doing. But she had continued in exactly the same vein as before, and try as he might, he hadn’t been able to discern anything in her conduct that would suggest that she was doing anything other than attending meetings and working hard at the Ministry.

This was the first event they had attended together since he had confronted her with his suspicions, and despite his certainty that she was hiding something, even if he was no longer completely convinced that it was an affair, he still felt the need to follow and watch her. Tonight would be no different.

They finally reached the front door, and without having to knock it swung open by itself. Once inside, a small team of well-dressed house elves eagerly waited to take their outer garments from them. Once Severus had passed his cloak off he turned to face his wife. It took an effort not to let his jaw drop as he saw the outfit her own cape had been hiding. She was dressed in floor-length dark red silk with a fairly modest neckline. The line of the gown, however, seemed especially designed to show off her body to its best advantage, with the neat waistline curving out at both her breasts and hips, and flaunting her figure perfectly. He wondered who it was all for.

With a demure smile she turned to face him. “Shall we go in?” she asked sweetly, not quite looking at him.

Severus stepped closer, intending to offer his arm so he could escort her into the next room where he could just make out the faint noises of the party that had already started. But then she lifted her eyes to meet his fully for the first time in weeks, and all thought of where they were fell away. He loomed over her, struggling for a moment with the urge to bend down and capture her soft lips with his own, to show her what she was missing in seeking another man’s embrace. To his surprise, she didn’t pull away, perhaps even moving imperceptibly closer. The gentle biting of her lower lip was more than he could bear, but as he dipped his head towards hers the front doors opened once more, and a small group of giggling witches entered, spoiling the mood.

In the moment before she turned away he caught the faintest flash of disappointment, and perhaps regret, cross her face. Regret, no doubt, for having given him the slightest opportunity for him to get so close to her. He watched darkly as she seemed to pull herself together, before reaching out to take his arm once more. As they stepped forward, the double doors leading into the ballroom opened and they entered. Immediately they were spotted, him by Narcissa, and her by the Minister for Magic, and although she clung to his arm until greetings were exchanged between them and their hosts, she was soon dragged away from him by various Ministry toadies, and he was left forgotten.

A couple of hours later Severus was perplexed and somewhat irritated. He had been strangely popular with the women that evening. Rather than being allowed to lurk in a corner, as he preferred to do at such occasions, he found himself constantly being asked to dance. All he wanted to do was watch his wife sashay round the room in that sleek dress and see who she was talking to, yet he had barely been able to lay eyes on her all night.

It was only when the sixth woman in a row had hinted strongly that she would be more than willing to more than just dance with him that evening that he fled the ballroom in disgust and when in search of a quiet drink. He knew where the best drinks were kept.

Reaching the smaller library he headed straight towards the drinks cupboard and poured himself a double measure from one of Lucius’ second best bottles of brandy before seating himself in the worn leather chair next to the fire. Relaxing back into the comfortably worn leather and taking a large sip of his drink, he began to ruminate on the evening’s events.

He’d notice, almost immediately (or as soon as he’d managed to stop watching out for his wife and actually take a look around) the intense scrutiny from various witches around the room. The predatory gleam in the eyes of some had sent a chill down his spine. Whatever else he might be, Severus Snape was most definitely not prey, yet tonight he’d certainly felt hunted. Clearly, one of the women he’d had a tryst with had divulged his sexual preferences as well as his prowess in the bedroom, as more than one witch had seemed to know far more than they should as they propositioned him.

And that ….. woman… the one in the robes that were so tight and revealing that he’d not even heard her name when she’d introduced herself… He couldn’t make out at all what she had been trying to say about his wife. The tart had seemed to be admiring her on one hand but deriding Hermione for her blood heritage on the other, and all the while suggesting that Severus would be better off with a pureblood like her. Her suggestion of what she’d like him to do to her if he was willing to join her outside had actually managed to make him blush and he’d fled the dancefloor as soon as he could escape from her. Severus shuddered with the memory of her cold, clasping fingers on his shoulder as they danced. She was exactly the sort of woman he’d been desperate to avoid when he’d found out about the marriage law, vapid and brainless, unable to have a discussion about anything more meaningful than the latest fashion trends or the gossip amongst the pureblood houses.

Strangely enough, his standing amongst the purebloods had increased with the news of his betrayal of the Dark Lord. Few, if any, would admit to genuinely supporting the cause the second time around, protesting that they’d been too scared of the Dark Lord to do anything but fall in line, despite their horror at the atrocities he committed. Oh, they still hated muggleborns as much as they ever had, but they maintained that they had never really wanted to slaughter them. Opportunist backstabbers, the lot of them, Severus thought. Oh, he believed some of them were genuine in their denials, but not one of the, had actually one anything to rid themselves of the megalomaniac. Even the Malfoys had only given the barest amount of assistance to Potter at the last minute to preserve their own skins.

Of course, his treachery against the Dark Lord didn’t completely negate the fact that he wasn’t a pureblood, although the fact that he was descended from the Prince family was an advantage. Even the generous stipend that came with his Order of Merlin shouldn’t be enough to tempt any of the pureblood cows that had approached him this evening, although his income from his potions business was not inconsiderable either.

So why exactly he was now suddenly so popular, he couldn’t fathom, although it wasn’t like he had never taken any of the purebloods to bed. Immediately after Dumbledore’s death Severus had been rather popular amongst the Death Eater wives, as they tried to use his status to further their own or their husband’s. There was no reason for it now though. He couldn’t imagine what any of them would gain by ties to him.

Knocking back the rest of his tumbler, Severus stood and made his way back across to the drinks cabinet. When the door creaked open behind him he didn’t have to turn to know who had entered. He was the only guest who would have known to come here, rather than raiding the more obvious liquor cabinet in the drawing room. Perhaps in the past, when some of the ‘old guard’ were around this room may have felt like something of a gentlemen’s club, filled with the patriarchs of the pureblood families who had supported the Dark Lord.

But now the ballroom was filled with the younger generations, along with many witches and wizards that never would have been allowed to cross the doorstep 10 years ago. Witches like his wife. Likely he was the only one besides the family that now had access through the wards to this room, filled as it was with rare and dubious books, though not illegal. Those were even more carefully hidden from prying eyes.

The footsteps behind him were too heavy to be Narcissa, not that she would have countenanced slipping away from her party for a moment. Draco and the heavily pregnant Greengrass girl had slipped away as soon as politely reasonable. The boy seemed to genuinely care for his wife, and was highly solicitous of her comfort, especially in her current condition. That just left Lucius. Severus filled a second tumbler with what he knew to be his friends favourite. Picking both glasses up, he turned and handed one to his friend, who had already slipped into his favourite chair. Silence reigned for a few minutes, as both men relaxed and quietly savoured their drinks. Severus was aware, however, of Lucius watching him curiously over the top of his glass, but chose to wait him out, knowing that his friend wouldn’t be able to keep quiet long when something was bothering him.

“You little wife sure has been busy tonight,” Lucius spoke finally, his voice filled with meaning.

Severus took another slow sip before he answered.

“Has she? I’ve not had time to notice.” He managed to keep the irritation from his voice, but inside he was more than vexed at missing the chance of observing her in that dress. For some reason Lucius seemed to find him remark amusing, for he chuckled quietly before replying.

“I had noticed you’ve been rather preoccupied yourself somewhat. You’ve clearly been enjoying yourself far more than your wife has. She’s been talking business all evening, while you seem to have been reaping the benefits of it. Lucius shook his head, a wry smile on his face. “Whatever else one might say about your wife, she is definitely a force to be reckoned with. If only she’d been in the Minister’s Office a year earlier, then perhaps none of this would have happened in the first place.”

What was the man talking about? Most likely some boring governmental matter that Lucius was only meddling in because it affected the amount of galleons in his vaults. Not wanting to show his ignorance of what his wife had been up to though, Severus grunted non-committedly in reply.

“”She may be useful to keep around, despite her unfortunate blood. Once this business is all finished with I will have to see if I can continue to be of use to her. Any… affiliation could only be advantageous to us both.”

Severus looked up sharply at these words. Lucius had said them blandly enough, but he knew well enough that there was often a double meaning to be found in his friend’s words.

“So, has anyone take your fancy, or are you planning to play the field for a while?” Lucius asked slyly.

“I don’t understand what you mean,” he replied casually, although he was certain that Lucius was referring to the women that had been offering themselves to him all night.

“Oh come on, Severus, you can’t have failed to notice all the attention you’ve been getting this evening, and from some rather… enchanting ladies.”

“What are you insinuating?”

Lucius threw up his hand in mock surrender. “Insinuating? Nothing of course. I’m asking if any of them have piqued your interest enough to warrant pursuing.”

“I don’t know why you think I’d be interested in taking up with any harpy that displays such wanton, disgusting behaviour? And many of them with their husbands watching too.”

“Muggle born husbands,” Lucius said meaningfully, “with pureblood wives...”

“Why the hell should that make a difference? A marriage is a marriage, whether or not the husband is muggle born or one of the Sacred Twenty-eight. And you should know by now that blood makes no bloody bit of difference to me,” Severus retorted, fed up with a conversation where he felt he was missing some vital understanding of.

“But it does to them. It’s not like there are many appropriate husbands out there anymore. There are more than a few women for whom this is a second marriage, and one that they didn’t want. The war left too many widows, and the male bloodlines of the pureblood houses decimated…”

Severus made a sound of disgust. He’d never cared about the pureblood ideology. His own reasons for joining the Death Eaters had been completely different, and now the war was over he’d found that he couldn’t care less about whose blood was ‘pure’ or not. Twenty years in charge of stuck up Slytherin brats were more than enough to open his eyes to the fact that the purebloods were no more magically talented that anyone else. You only had to look at his Hermione to know that blood meant nothing.

…except the Weasleys” Lucius continued, determinedly ignoring him. “Not that any self-respecting witch would marry into that family. Not that I believe any of them would be considering divorce in any case. Which leaves a lot of ladies in a bit of a bind. You’ll be in high demand, my friend. You may only be a half blood, but you have all the right connections, which goes a long way to making up for your parentage. Of course, your mother was a Prince, even if she did marry a muggle. That’s more than many wizards can boast nowadays. You’re also well thought of by most for helping rid us of that madman.”

“Severus snorted, this time in amusement. Strange how so many were happy to follow the Dark Lord while he was alive, but now he was dead they blamed him for reducing their influence and standing in the wizarding world, he mused.

“You’ll be seen as a pretty good catch for any of those women out there, despite your… appealing… personality” Lucius continued. “You’ll have your pick of the bunch, I’d wager.”

Severus had grown more and more bewildered as Lucius had carried on speaking, and finally abandoned all pretence at understanding the conversation.

“What in Merlin’s name are you blathering about, Lucius?” he blurted. “Why on earth would I interested in any of those women?”

Surprise by the outburst, Lucius took a moment to reply.

“Why? Why wouldn’t you? Barring one or two, I’m sure most of them would make an excellent wife for you. Although they would probably expect you to move out of that dump you call a house. Between the Ministry pension and the money you make with your business, I really don’t understand why you’re still living there.”

And why would I want another wife, when I already have one?” Severus replied, ignoring the slur on his home. It was only the truth after all.

“But you won’t for much longer, will you, that’s my point. Once that idiotic law has been repealed you’ll be able to get a divorce. We only need one more vote in the Wizengamot to overturn it, and since Ignus Blishwick is apparently on his deathbed and set to be replaced by Gamp, we’ll have the majority soon enough, I’m sure. Of course, we would have been able to get the law repealed much sooner if so many of the venerable old letches hadn’t taken advantage of it to inveigle some poor young witch into marriage and into their bed.”

He leant forward, lowering his voice to whisper conspiratorially, “Between you and me, I’m sure that’s what’s done in old Blishwick. A hundred and thirty two years old, and not a health problem in sight. One curvy young witch and a year later his heart is giving out.” He leant back, his voice rising once more in volume. Still, he’s not prepared to give her up, and half the Wizengamot the same with their own new wives. Mind you, I’m not sure that half the support we’ve got to repeal the law has been less to do with actually disagreeing with the concept, but more jealously over the fact that they’ve not been able to take advantage of it themselves, with wives still living.” He chuckled. “I’d even heard that old Travers had his wife poisoned so he could…”

“Repealed!?” Severus suddenly interrupted his monologue, his shocked stupor finally broken. A cold sickly feeling had spread through his chest as his friend had continued to speak.

“Repealed?” he repeated. “Since when has this been going on?”

“You mean you don’t know?” Lucius replied, his voice incredulous. “Surely Hermione told…”

“Are you telling me my wife has something to do with this?”

“Something to do…?” Lucius looked across at his friend strangely. “Severus, the whole thing has been her idea from the start. We wouldn’t be within a league of repealing this law if it wasn’t for her. She’s spent months gathering support and persuading the Wizengamot to change their minds. It’s taken some serious work on her part, as they’d all been convinced that it was the only way to save the population from declining. Surely you noticed she’s been working extra hours to get this pushed through?”

“But... but…” Severus couldn’t seem to form a coherent though for several moments, so astounded was he by Lucius’s information. “You mean she’s not been having an affair?” was the only thought to make it through the tangle in his head to be spoken out loud.

To his consternation Lucius laughed, his amusement lasting far longer than Severus though necessary, and despite his best glare.

“Merlin’s balls, Lucius! Why didn’t you say something if you knew what she was up to,” he eventually snapped. “I’ve been trying to find out for months.”

“Old friend, are you seriously telling me you had no idea of what your wife has been doing?” Lucius managed to get out between chuckles.

“No, I’m just saying so to give you some amusement. What do you think?” Severus snapped.

Lucius only laughed louder. Growing steadily more irritated with his friend, Severus leant back in his chair and crossed his arms, and waited impatiently for the laughter to die down.

“I assumed you knew. I thought perhaps that you’d even put her up to it.”

When Severus just glared in response he continued, shrugging his shoulders slightly, his expression changing from mirthful to apologetic as he realised his mistake.

“It honestly never occurred to me that you didn’t know.”

“Yet it never occurred to mention it to me in passing at any point before now,” Severus shot back furiously.

“I don’t understand why you’re so angry, Severus,” Lucius said, although something in his tone made Severus look up sharply at him. His friend’s expression was unreadable, carefully bland, but there was something in his eyes that seemed to be mocking him.

“Surely it means you’ll finally be rid of her,” he continued.

Suddenly his anger was all gone, leaving behind a strange uneasiness that roiled uncomfortably in his belly. Lucius was right, he realised. No doubt she would have the divorce papers ready the moment the law was repealed. The chance to remove himself from the situation she’d found herself in had in all likelihood been the reason for her to fight against the law in the first place, although Severus was sure that, having heard of the many unsuccessful marriages that had been forced on the wizarding population, she probably would have become involved at some point anyway. The last few months had started to see reports of abuse within some of these marriages, and there would be many more instances that weren’t being reported. Pureblood families in particular would try to keep such things under wraps, as there were always appearances to put up.

But now, he would be free… free of her presence in his house; free from silently awkward couplings in the dark; free from the wife he’d never wanted. To be able to go back to his life as a bachelor popular enough to be able to keep company with various willing women, while keeping them out of his life and home. He’d never wanted to marry in the first place, he reminded himself. He’d been perfectly content before.

“Yes, but you didn’t want anyone else to have her, even then. You still desired her for yourself, even though you wouldn’t let yourself have her”, a small voice whispered in reply. “She’ll move on eventually. Can you really bear seeing her in the arms of another man now?”

Suddenly Severus stood, slamming his tumbler down on the side table as hard as he dared with delicate (and no doubt priceless) glass. He was halfway to the door before Lucius called out.

“What are you planning on doing?” He sounded concerned.

“I’m going to see my wife,” Severus bit out through clenched teeth.

“I do hope you don’t plan on making a scene. It would only reflect badly on you right now, considering how popular she is right now, especially with all of our guests here tonight. Besides, Narcissa would never forgive you for ruining her party...”

His voice had gained in volume as Severus had disappeared out the door, and the last sentence followed him down the hall as he strode back toward the ballroom. Not that he paid his friend’s words any attention anyway.
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To have loved, and lost (was Missed Chances)