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Memories of Deception	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 20868 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Memories of Deception
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9.
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 90-90
- 91-91
- 92-92
- 93-93
- 94-94
- 95-95
- 96-96
- 97-97
- 98-98
- 99-99
- 100-100
- 101-101
- 102-102
- 103-103
- 104-104
- 105-105
- 106-106
- 107-107
- 108-108
- 109-109
- 110-110
- 111-111
- 112-112
- 113-113
- 114-114
- 115-115
- 116-116
- 117-117
- 118-118
- 119-119
- 120-120
- 121-121
- 122-122
- 123-123
- 124-124
- 125-125
- 126-126
- 127-127
- 128-128
- 129-129
- 130-130
- 121
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- 123
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
She'd put off coming back for two days, and now she was having difficulty stepping into the room where he still lay sleeping. From where she stood by the door, with the photo of Lily clutched in her hand, she could see his chest rising and falling rhythmically underneath the thin blankets, and from what she could see of him he looked far healthier than he had two days previous. His dark hair was fanned out limply across the pillow, his face looking slightly gaunter than before, although his colour was more healthy than it had been.
She longed to sit by him, watch over and care for him, until his eyes opened and he could turn to her and tell her that he hadn't meant what he'd said, that he loved her. She could almost feel his fingers tracing the soft skin on her cheek, her lips, as he had done so long ago. Her whole body still burned for him, tempered by the two years since she had last seen him.
Hermione stamped down on the feelings and pushed away her daydream fiercely. She couldn't afford to wish for things she wouldn't have. Her experiences during the sessions with Sarah had shown her dangerous her feelings could be, and how easily she could have slipped into obsession without help in the first few months after he had run from her.
Sarah had helped her to see that she did indeed have genuine feelings for Snape, but that her utter infatuation with the man had been artificially constructed by his manipulations, and that she had to learn to see past any of the situations with him where she'd believed him to be her captor, and instead concentrate on the times where both of them had been able to express their true feelings.
One particular moment she had found it hard to deal with had been the way Snape had forced her into taking oaths to obey, promising that she would be his, and then rejecting her as soon as he had got what her wanted. At the time this had hit her really hard, her depression making it easy to fall prey to the lure of the dark curses and spells Snape had made her learn. Now she could look back at those weeks and see how close she had been to giving in and becoming dark herself, her own bleak emotions feeding into the spells and making them more powerful, and more alluring.
Hermione could now understand that not only had the use of dark spells affected her long after the battle was finished, but that with the recovery of her own memories, she could see that there was something else that had occurred that she couldn't fathom without hearing Snape's reasoning for the way he had seemed to want her one moment, and then barely be able to speak to her the next. Had Minerva said something to him? She'd certainly told Hermione a relationship with Snape wasn't a great idea.
The older witch had never told her what had been discussed by herself and Snape the day she had discovered Hermione, and she had never asked, although she'd wanted to at times. Whenever the conversation had turned to Snape Minerva had often either changed the subject, her expression almost guilty. Hermione would bite her tongue and usually make an excuse to leave soon after, before returning to the dungeons and throwing herself back into whatever work she'd been doing, trying to forget everything by working herself to exhaustion, something she had done quite often over the past two years, and a trait Sarah had named as dangerous and detrimental to her mental as well as physical health.
One more than one occasion Sarah had needed to drag Hermione away from her work to talk about whatever had caused her to forget eating and sleeping. Sometimes it was a small thing, a memory that had suddenly hit her, like the way she had lashed out at him once, hurting and clawing at him as he had stood there and accepted her censure, believing he deserved it. Or the time she had suddenly got it into her head that perhaps he was just another one of her pet projects, like the house elves, and she had spent almost 36 hours brewing non-stop, wondering whether she was confusing her gratefulness at being rescued and protected with something deeper.
So many of the questions Sarah had asked her had been uncomfortable for her to think about and had brought back more painful recollections, but eventually they had dissected and discussed the months Hermione had spent in Snape's rooms. Looking back again at the few times that she had been in possession of her memories, Hermione had quickly realised that her feelings for him had begun the night when he had taken her virginity. He had been so gentle and tender with him, and yet strangely vulnerable himself.
She had though back over their other interactions during those times, the way Snape had been a completely different person when he hadn't been acting the Death Eater, the way he had comforted her, even when he'd clearly been hurting himself. She'd seen the best of him in those moments, a side of him that he'd kept tightly under wraps for so many years and which even then he'd tried to keep hidden. In hindsight, it had been all too easy to fall for him, and Hermione had almost been relieved to figure out that her attraction to him was built on firmer foundations than deceit and lies.
Now, however, she could almost wish that everything had been a lie, that Sarah had been able to 'cure' her of her feelings for Snape. To have waited for two years, to have worked so hard to ensure his survival, and then not to be given a moment's chance. But life wasn't fair, and it certainly rarely worked out the way you had planned. She was just going to have to suck it up and move on. Out of sight, out of mind, she thought. Hopefully that has some truth in it.
She realised suddenly that she'd unintentionally crossed the room to stand at his side. Now was her chance to leave the photo of Lily on the table by his bed for when he woke up, but she couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from his face. From here she could see the slight movement of his lips as he breathed, and wondered if she dare give him one last kiss before she left. Slowly she started to lean over his still body.
Without warning Snape moved slightly, his head shifting to one side as a low sound issued from his throat. The movement made her jump, and anxious that he was on the verge of waking, she braced away as quickly and as quietly as she could manage, and fled the room once more, the photo still help tightly in her hand. She should have left it by his bed, she knew, and she tried to ignore the little voice in her head saying that the only reason she had for taking it with her was that she was not ready to give up on him, however much she tried to tell herself otherwise.
No, she thought. It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself, and forget about him. You're stronger than this, Granger. You just need to push any feelings you have for him away, until you no longer feel them.
Minerva watched the unusually quiet girl over the top of her teacup. She was concerned about her, as was Sarah, who had asked Minerva to keep an eye on her now that she was only spending one day a week in the castle, as the number of people coming to her for help had begun to peter out a while ago.
The acting Headmistress had invited Hermione to take tea with her to judge for herself how the girl was doing, but had been dismayed when Hermione had announced her plans to leave Hogwarts. She had secretly hoped the girl would complete her mastery in potions, so that she could replace Horace when he left. The indolent wizard, while an exceptional potioneer, was not the most competent of teachers, and grew lazier by the day. Minerva know Hermione had been helping many of the students, and the girl showed great promise at potions herself, although it was never the branch of magic Minerva had guessed she would go into.
She had hoped to secure both Horace and Hermione for two more years, enough for the latter to become a Master, and she prayed that Severus would be healthy enough, as well as willing, to take the Head's position off her hands. She knew she had done a good job getting the school back up and running, but she missed teaching, and longed to be back in the classroom. Her replacement, she knew, was thinking about leaving, so it would all have worked out perfectly. But now, Hermione was threatening to upset her carefully thought out plans by leaving, and without her, she knew she had no chance of retaining Horace.
"Is there no way I can convince you to reconsider? Horace hasn't yet decided whether he's leaving, and it's a waste of the last two years hard work if you give up your mastery now."
"I'm sorry, Minerva, but I've decided. In training to be a healer I will not be wasting my work. I have already decided to specialise in the use and creation of healing potions, and I have already had an offer from someone at St Mungo's who is willing to sponsor me to become a Master." She paused for a second. "Actually, word seems to have got out that I'm looking to move from Hogwarts, and I've had letters from almost all the different departments at St Mungo's, as well as a few from the Ministry. I've made up my mind though, and that's not going to change. " Despite her words, Minerva could still see a tremor of doubt in her expression.
"And what of Severus?" She was impressed, the girl had barely flinched at the mention of his name.
"What of him?" she said defensively.
"Don't' play coy with me, girl. You are planning to just walk away from him? After everything that the two of you went through? We both know what your feelings are towards him, and Merlin knows he will need as much support as he can get over the next few weeks. We've all had two years to move on, but for him everything has only just ended. Is it not worth staying to see what come of it once he has had time to settle in a bit?
"Whatever my feelings for him might have been, they are no longer relevant. In any case, I think my being here may make it more difficult for him. It was clear enough at the time that he hated every moment of what he had to do to me, and I would only be a reminder of that. It is far better that I should leave and that we both move on with our lives."
Minerva was silent for a moment as she tried to think of the best way to respond. Hermione hadn't been back to see Snape since the day he had returned almost a week ago, as far as she knew. The fact that Severus had woken earlier that morning had been kept from the girl so far. He had quickly dropped back into unconsciousness after a short and rather disjointed conversation with Poppy, although it was now a natural sleep, rather than the magically induced coma of the last week.
For some reason, Albus had asked Minerva to withhold the news from Hermione, and had requested for her to send the girl to Snape's office, as he wanted to speak with her regarding something that had happened two years ago. Why this couldn't take place in Minerva's own study, she wasn't sure, but the old coot had kept typically tight lipped about his reasons.
Knowing Hermione continuing irritation with Albus, she knew it would be hard to convince her to go, as she had taken pains to avoid him for the past two years, but for some reason he had insisted that Minerva not let Hermione go without getting her word that she would go. Looking at the girl's stubborn expression as she sipped her tea, Minerva knew there was only one thing that she could possibly say to convince the girl, not just to meet with Albus in the Headmasters study, but also to stay in the castle and speak to Severus.
She'd been avoiding this conversation for the past two years, ashamed that she had misread the situation and the feelings between the two of them so badly. It had become clear to her over time just how well suited the two were for each other, and she regretted having told Snape that he needed to back off from the girl, assuming that he was only using her because he had no one else, and that the Hermione's feelings were false. In hindsight she had realised how wrong she had been, on both of their accounts, and it was time to admit it. She could only hope it would make a difference. She steeled herself, setting her cup down on a side table.
"Hermione, there's something I need to confess…"
Hermione stalked furiously down the hall towards the Headmaster's office. She was furious with Minerva. She couldn't believe the woman had waited two years to tell her that she'd basically scared Snape off. She'd spent hours wondering what she'd done to make him reject her, both at the time and after, and she'd kept coming back to it in sessions with Sarah. It had become an important part of her decision to leave the castle, as it had formed a large part of her assumption that Snape didn't care for her, and never would.
Now what was she to think? She had almost walked out of the castle there and then, just to spite Minerva. Hermione had realised immediately the old bat was only telling her this now in an effort to keep her in the castle, and she so wanted to throw it back in her face and leave anyway.
She owed it to herself to think it through though. What did this mean for her, and had it really affected Snape's actions in the weeks that had followed their discussion. How could Minerva have just assumed that neither of their feelings were actually true? She was a meddler of a class right up there with the likes of Dumbledore himself, and Merlin knew Hermione still hadn't forgiven him for the way he had played both Snape and herself.
Reaching the bottom of the stairs, she found the gargoyle had already moved to allow access up to the study, so she began to stomp purposefully upwards. Whatever Dumbledore had to say to her, it had been be good, or she was liable to find a tin of turps and tip it over his painting, the mood she was in. She wouldn't have even come here if Minerva hadn't the gall to threaten to stun her and have Tiggy deliver her to the study. As quick as Hermione was at raising a shield charm, she didn't doubt the older witch still had it in her. The woman had been positively terrifying the day of the battle, and Hermione had almost felt sorry for anyone she had taken on.
She reached the top of the stairs and wrenched the handle of the door down like she had a personal grudge with it, slamming the door open and striding through, stopping only when she reached the single portrait still hanging on the wall. She glared up at it angrily.
"You got me here, what is it you want to speak to me about?"
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Memories of Deception