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Memories of Deception	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 20868 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Memories of Deception
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9.
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 90-90
- 91-91
- 92-92
- 93-93
- 94-94
- 95-95
- 96-96
- 97-97
- 98-98
- 99-99
- 100-100
- 101-101
- 102-102
- 103-103
- 104-104
- 105-105
- 106-106
- 107-107
- 108-108
- 109-109
- 110-110
- 111-111
- 112-112
- 113-113
- 114-114
- 115-115
- 116-116
- 117-117
- 118-118
- 119-119
- 120-120
- 121-121
- 122-122
- 123-123
- 124-124
- 125-125
- 126-126
- 127-127
- 128-128
- 129-129
- 130-130
- 124
- 125
- 126
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

The next morning found Hermione making her way down to the infirmary. She'd been far too tired to go to see him the night before, and far too emotional in any case. She'd returned to her rooms to give herself time to reflect on what she'd learned, and had come to the painful realisation that perhaps confronting him with her feelings and trying to push to into admitting his wasn't the best way to go about it.
It had taken Hermione a good part of two years to come to terms with everything that had happened, not that she didn't still have the occasional nightmare or bad day, so she recognised the possibility that he would also need some time to get to grips with everything. A lot had changed in the past two years, and yet for him the war was only just over. The last he knew, he was an outcast, hated by pupils and teachers alike, and by most of decent society. Now he was a known hero, whose return would be of huge interest to the wizarding world. Also, she knew, he'd been as badly affected as her by what he'd had to do to her, perhaps more, and beyond that who knows what he'd gone through as spy for both the Order and Voldemort.
How long would he need to recover from it all? She couldn't imagine he would ever agree to talk to someone like Sarah, no matter how hard he was finding things. He was far too solitary and reliant on himself to open up to another the way Hermione had to the psychiatrist. He would insist on dealing with it alone, and she was sure he would likely not even speak to her about anything that troubled him, even their shared experiences, when the only person that would be able to fully understand would be her. No, he needed time, and she was sure he would much more receiving it from her than to force him into something he wasn't ready for. She'd much rather he be sure in his feelings for her than for him to realise further down the line that he had been mistaken. She'd waited two years, she could wait a little longer.
To that end, she'd spent half the night writing and re-writing the letter that she now held. There had been no news of him waking, so she intended to leave it with him as an explanation as to why she was leaving.
She opened the door to the infirmary. There was only one student currently occupying a bed, and Snape was safely hidden in a room at the back where only the staff had access. Hermione passed straight through the main room, with only a brief smile at the injured first year. She needed no excuse to be going through into the back. As Slughorn's apprentice she brewed and delivered many potions to the infirmary, so she could be sure that no one would ask questions.
Poppy was in her office, but Hermione passed by silently, leaving the nurse busy with her paperwork. She paused outside the door to Snape's room. What if he's awake…? Slowly she pushed the door open a tiny amount and peered in, breathing a sigh of relief when he seemed to still be sleeping. She opened the door the rest of the way and stepped in, closing the door behind her with a quiet click.
Snape still hadn't moved, so Hermione stepped across to place her letter on the nightstand. She turned to face him, biting her bottom lip nervously before gathering the courage to speak.
"Don't you dare think I'm running out on you," she whispered. "I'll be back for you, Severus Snape, even if it's to hear you tell me… to tell me you don't want me. Don't you think I won't." She leant over and pressed a kiss softly to his lips. "I love you," she whispered, pressing her hand to his cheek for a moment. With one last, sad look, she turned and left.
As soon as her footsteps had faded Snape's eyes fluttered open. After a few moments he looked around wearily to see if there was anyone with him, and his gaze fell on the letter resting next to his bed.
..
He'd been vaguely aware that someone had come into the room, but had struggled to wake. He was still so tired that reaching full consciousness felt like clawing his way out of a deep pit, and all of his limbs seemed to be twice as heavy as normal. As his mind came back into focus he recalled more clearly what he'd heard the girl had been saying. What did she mean, run out on him? Where was she going?
Minerva and Poppy hadn't told him much yet, he'd still been too out of it last night to stand much conversation, but beyond the fact that he seemed to be a free man, the one thing that had stuck out was what Minerva had said about Hermione putting her whole life on hold to wait for his return. Why then was she now leaving him? He wanted to run after her, but he knew he wouldn't get two feet before collapsing.
With great effort he hauled himself further upright in his bed before reaching out to pick up the envelope, running his fingers over the neat script that formed his name before turning it over and opening it. He pulled out a single sheet of paper, covered in writing on both sides, but as he unfolded it a piece of torn card fell out onto his blanket covered chest.
With trembling fingers he picked it up and flipped it over. Lily… Her sad eyes gazed up at him, but the pain that normally tore at him with any thought of her was curiously absent. Well maybe not too curiously, he reasoned, realising suddenly that he'd fulfilled the promise he'd made at her grave, to protect her son and to take revenge on the madman that had caused her death. The burden of that promise had weighed him down for almost eighteen years, but now he was released from it. Perhaps that was why the image of her didn't affect her the way it once had. He felt free from the guilt he'd carried for so long. The guilt over Lily's death at least, but what about Hermione…? Why did she waste two years waiting for me?
She said she loved me… so why is she leaving? Does she mean it? If only Poppy hadn't forced Minerva out before she could explain more. Not that my situation has improved… I may have been pardoned, but that can't erase all the terrible things I've done, not least to her… Minerva was right, I'm not good enough for her.
He looked back at the letter he had momentarily abandoned. Curiosity won out over his worrying, and he flipped it open.
Severus,
I've decided to leave Hogwarts at the end of the school year. I've stayed here too long, waiting for your return, and it's time to move on. I've accepted a post at St Mungo's where I'll be working in the potions department, and finishing the mastery that I started with Slughorn. I'll be in the castle for a few weeks still, but I plan on giving you some space so you have some time to figure out what you want.
Albus showed me your memories. I think he hoped I would see something in them that would change my mind about leaving, but they've just made me more determined to go. Merlin knows I had more than a few things to work out after the battle, not least of all how I felt for you. I don't want you to think I'm running from you or that I don't care for you. I just want to give you the same thing I had – time, to decide how you feel. I don't want you to feel pressured, because I very much hope you feel the same way about me than I do about you, but I could never bear it if I rushed you into something and you realised later that it was all just a product of the situation that we were in.
Severus, I hope you'll understand why I've chosen to do this. If you do decide you don't want to have any sort of relationship with me, please remember I'd rather know than be left hanging. In any case, whatever you do decide, I hope you can bring yourself to speak to me, as either way I want to find closure on this whole affair. (That's my nice way of saying don't take too long or I'll be hunting you down.)
Ever yours,
Hermione
I love you
Snape realised he'd been holding his breath as he'd read, and he let it all out in a big whoosh. So that explains a few things… He found himself surprised by the letter's contents; to find that despite seeing someone… this Sarah, that she hadn't been persuaded that she didn't love him after all. He'd been sure that Minerva and anyone else who knew what had happened would try to convince her to forget him. He was also surprise d to see that she was planning a career in potions. Not many of his students ever had. Most were not capable of much more than the occasional home brewing, and his style of teaching often put off those who might have gone into the profession.
Not least of all, he was astounded by the maturity she had shown in deciding to walk away and give him some space. It was the act of a woman, not a desperate child with her first crush. Then again she's had two years to deal with it... Strangely though, the face that she had done such a thing made him believe that she was genuine in her affections in a way that her launching herself at him to declare her undying glove wouldn't have.
She loves me.
The question was, what was he to do about it? Did the fact that he was now apparently a hero mean that a relationship with the girl – no, woman – wouldn't be frowned upon, or would he still drag her down with him if he did decide to pursue her? The urge to chase after her and claim her faded. She was right, he did need some time, to find out how he truly was perceived in this post-Voldemort world, and to be sure himself that he was doing the right thing, not only for her, but for himself.
First things first, I need to speak to Minerva.
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Memories of Deception