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Searching My Soul	By : snapesgirl1981 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 14674 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Searching My Soul
by
snapesgirl1981

Chapter 13

When Harry
stepped into the great hall he was still shaken from the very vivid
dream he had in the train and his face was even paler than usual, his
big green eyes flickering behind his glasses as he sat down at his
seat at the gryffindor table. Ron was talking with Seamus and Dean
telling them about his summer and Hermione was busy chatting with
Ginny which left Harry undisturbed. He tried to refrain from looking
up at the teacher's table but after a couple of minutes he gave in
and shot a quick glance at Snape.

The potions
Master sat at his usual place staring into his goblet of wine
obviously completely oblivious to the noise and movement in the hall.
The first years were to come in every second and Albus Dumbledore was
still chatting with Professor Flitwick. Harry felt his cheeks flush
for some reason as he took in the tall figure of Snape and remembered
how it had felt to fall asleep next to his warm body. In this moment
Snape raised his eyes and met Harry's green ones for a second but
didn't linger for a moment. Instead he leaned back and crossed his
arms in front of his chest giving the impression of being utterly
bored.

For some reason
Harry felt a wave of disappointment wash over him and to his horror
his eyes threatened to spill tears any second. He bit on his lower
lip trying to suppress the urge to run up to the teachers' table and
beg Snape to kiss him.

„Are you
alright Harry?“ Hermione's voice sounded worried as she took in
the troubled face of her friend.

Harry wanted to
nod but in this moment Draco Malfoy flashed Snape an amused grin and
the teacher gave it back. Not caring what everybody was thng
ng
Harry jumped up with his chair falling back and causing the whole
table to look at the shaking boy. After a second of staring at the
white linen on the table, Harry spun around and dashed out of the
great hall.

As he opened the
door his head of house raised a brow, behind her the first years were
assembled.

„Mr Potter,
might I ask what you are doing here? The sorting is to begin any
minute.“ Her voice sounded stern.

Harry stared
into her eyes and shook his head. „I can't.“

„You can't
what?“ McGonagall's voice turned softer as she saw his troubled
eyes.

„Stay.“
With that he dashed down the steps into the main hall and after a
second almost as if on his own accord he sprinted down the stairs to
the dungeons. He wasn't heading to the Slytherin dormitory nor the
potions class room- no, he wanted to find Snape's chambers and hide
there until the hurt subsided. Why it was hurting so intensely he
could not have said right now but it drove him nearly out of his
mind.

But the dungeons
were long and dark and almost every hallway looked the same and soon
he was lost. Panting he slowed down and sank against the stone wall
trying to calm his breath. He sank down onto the cold wet stone
ground and hunched his knees up to his chest. The feeling of
loneliness was as intense as it had been in Pivet Drive with the
Dursleys only now he knew that there was one person who with just his
presence was able to make him feel loved and protected. Only this
person had decided that after the summer he rather wanted to bestow
Malfoy with his love.

He felt the
bitter feeling of jealousy beginning to poison his heart but was
unable to stop it. His face sank onto his knees and he began to let
the tears flow- not really knowing what he was crying for but knowing
that he had lost something precious tonight.

Severus Snape
hurried through the dungeons trying in vain to find the little brat.
It was completely beyond him why the boy had stormed out of the hall
the way he had done effectively disturbing the headmaster and his
head of house. To his surprise Dumbledore had sent Snape out to find
Harry leaving the potions Master no time to argue. If he was
completely honest he had thought more about the boy in the last days
than he liked and tonight as he had stepped into the great hall Snape
had felt a strange kind of emotion for the first time in many years-
worry. Harry had looked pale and it had only gotten worse. The
Granger girl had insisted that he had been alright as they had come
in but Snape found that hard to believe. Nothing had happened in
these five minutes that could have disturbed the boy like this.

He rounded
another corner and instantly inhaled deeply. The boy sat huddled
together on the floor, his knees drawn to his chest and if he
interpreted the silent noises correctly he was crying. He had so far
not noticed that he was no longer alone and quietly Snape approached
the boy not wishing to startle him. After a moment of hesitation he
carefully knelt down and gently placed one hand on Harry's shoulder.

„Go away.“
Harry's was muffled and it shook with tears.

Snape sighed and
wondered not for the first time why he even cared. „And do you
plan on telling me what I have done wrong, Potter?“

Harry looked up
with a start and his face was smeared with tears his green eyes
brighter than ever before. „Now I am Potter again? So I am only
Harry when you fuck me?“

For a moment
Snape looked stunned and then sighed once again, beginning to
understand what was wrong. He sank down next to the boy and leaned
his head back against the cold stone wall.

„It was a
mistake, Harry.“ His voice was filled with silent regret. „I
am aware that I am the one to place the blame on and I wish I could
use a time turner and change what happened but I can not. But surely
you have to understand that this can't continue now that we are back
in the school? I am your teacher and you are my student, I have a
responsibility to keep you safe.“

„I feel so
alone once again.“ Harry was soft and shadowed with defeat. „But
I guess that is the way I am going to feel for the rest of my life. I
am after all the boy who lived. I have fame and a prophecy to fulfil
so I should be content with that. Who needs a home in the end?“
The bitterness laced his voice.

Snape gripped
his chin tigthly. „Listen Harry, you are going to have a home
one day and you have your friends. You are not alone, you don't need
an old unstable man to keep you company.“

The boy nodded
sadly. „It doesn't matter in the end.“

„Why do you
insist on making it more difficult for us than necessary?“

„Because I
think I love you.“ His voice was barely audible but still
managed to shock Snape to the core.

„I don't
think you know what love is Harry. I made you feel good and helped
you understand what your sexual preferences are and you confuse
gratitude with love.“ Snape averted his eyes abruptly.

„I don't
confuse anything here, Sir.“ Harry sighed and then decided to
just be daring for once. Having the man in such close proximity had
already aroused him and he was tired of talking when his body wanted
to do other things. He changed his position so that he knelt in front
of Snape and hurriedly placed his trembling lips on the potions
Master's ones.

For a moment
Snape was still as statue but then he hesitantly kissed Harry back
almost knocking him down with his growing need. His hands began to
wander the boy's body kneading his ass and one hand disappearing into
his unruly hair. After what felt like hours but was very likely only
minutes they separated their mouths both panting.

„Don't send
me away please.“ Green eyes bored into black ones and found
understanding.

Gently Snape
placed one hand on Harry's cheek. „ You are much too young to
feel like this, Harry.“

Harry closed his
eyes and enjoyed the tender caresses not wanting them to ever end.
Hesitantly he inched closer on the cold floor and leaned into the
tall frame of his teacher placing his head against his shoulders. He
was home once again.

... to be
continued

Some smut
next chapter. This will not be much longer but I am planning on
writing a sequel asap where we will jump forward in time and see how
the wizarding world reacts to Snape and Harry. Some more reviews
d bed be much appreciated. Tell me what you think.
- 12
- 13
- 14
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Searching My Soul