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Marvin the Mad Muggle	By : AuctorRubra Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1885 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Disclaimer: It�s not mine! *sob* Harry, all of his
friends, and the entirety of Potterverse all belong to J.K. Rowling and I swear
that I�m not making any money off of it. BUT�Marvin is mine, mine, mine and if
you touch him I will hex you into oblivion

A/N: Hey everyone thanks for the reviews! It�s great
to know that you�re all enjoying everything so far and I�m glad that so many of
you found Draco the Drama Queen amusing. Thanks guys! Read, Review, and
Enjoy!

AuctoRubra

Chapter 13: Project Ares

A little over a week after Marvin
was �rescued� from the inquisitive masters Malfoy and Weasley, everything
appeared peaceful in Hogwarts. Of course, outward appearances are often
deceiving. In truth, Harry was busy setting up everything he needed to set Plan
B in action and save Marvin from a memory wipe and possible capture by Death
Eaters. He had already spoken with Marvin�s friend Justin on several
occasions. Justin in turn spoke with his supervisor, who was in charge of one
of the teams searching for Marvin, and explained to him that he felt the muggle
was trustworthy. He also detailed to the auror how Marvin had come to be in
the company of Harry Potter. Because of this, the Ministry of magic was now
aware of Marvin�s location and they were currently pestering Albus to allow him
to be taken into �protective custody�. (As if being in the company of two of
the most powerful wizards of the age wasn�t enough.) All that was left for
Plan B to be in full swing was for Harry to call in a favor from an old friend
with a camera.

Marvin was now getting along quite
well with Professor Snape, at least as well as anyone could. This basically
meant that Snape allowed Marvin to observe his brewing. The sullen wizard even
went so far as to answer some of Marvin�s questions. Whenever Harry arrived to
pull Marvin from the dungeons (and out of Snape�s hair), he often found the
pair arguing over things involving fan fiction. The last heated discussion was
in regards to whether or not it was actually probable that Snape would ever
consider taking on an apprentice with the intent to seduce. Just as Harry was
about to intervene, Marvin threw something that looked suspiciously like
squished frog eyes into Snape�s hair. The dour wizard retaliated by hexing
Marvin�s hair lime green and charming his ears to wiggle. All in all, it was
officially a beautiful friendship. This however, was not going to spare Snape
from the revenge that Marvin and Harry had agreed to reap.

Therefore, five days before his
birthday, Harry found himself ensconced in his private quarter with Marvin,
Ron, and several helpful products sent to him via Fred and George Weasley.
They had been scheming and arguing about what to do for the past three days and
were still unable to agree on one spectacular prank that could possibly be the
equal of using Marvin and literally hexing away Harry�s bits. It seemed that
the only solution would be to set up a series of pranks leading up to something
truly devious at Saturday�s midsummer staff meeting.

�I say we rig the potion first and
then he has to walk around like that for a whole week,� Marvin said with a
silly grin.

Harry laughed, but shook his
head. �No, that one is the most obvious. I�m sure he�ll suspect you anyway,
but we want to keep you out of the line of fire for as long as possible.�

Ron was grinning as he munched on
a cauldron cake. �I can�t wait to use this lovely package that Fred and George
rigged up for you two.�

�You seem awfully eager over that
one,� Harry said, eyeing his friend suspiciously. �I know it�s our grand
finale, but you�ve seen their fireworks before.�

�I may have suggested a few
improvements.�

Harry groaned, not even wanting to
contemplate what Ron�s �improvements� might entail. �As long as we don�t end
up seeing Snape�s naked arse drawn in the sky by green and silver
starbursts�well I guess it will be all right.�

�Now why didn�t I think of that,�
Ron said with a leering grin.

Marvin chuckled. �Okay, so we�ll
save the cauldron for next to last. Perhaps we should start with the hallways.
They�re the most benign and annoying.�

�Not to mention we already have
the charms configured to last a week anyhow,� Harry said with a laugh.

�Well, that just leaves the hexed
coffee cup,� Ron said while scanning their list. �Ah yes! Harry, were you
able to make that deal with the with Colin for Friday afternoon?�

�Yes,� Harry said with a smirk.
�He will be lying in wait and I will make sure each of us gets a copy.�

They spent the rest of the evening
introducing Marvin to the joys of exploding snap and arguing over the many
reactions they could expect from Snape. It was time to commence Project Ares.

_________________________________________________________

Wednesday, July 27^th, 7:00a.m.

Severus had just finished his
morning routine and was heading out to breakfast when a highly annoying,
disembodied, female voice assaulted his ears accompanied by bright flashing
lights. He scrunched closed his eyes and tried to walk through the corridor.

�Gryffindors rule, Slytherins
drool, Snape is a tool, so says the school,� the voice chanted continuously.

After several minutes of blind
stumbling, Severus finally conceded to open his eyes. The sight he was
presented made him want to vomit. His beautiful, dank, and slightly
yellow-green dungeon walls had been charmed a glaring crimson red with
�Gryffindors Rule!� written in tall, golden letters every few feet. By the
time he made it to the Great Hall, it did not take charms or paint for Severus
to see red.

He glared suspiciously at Potter
and the muggle but both appeared innocent and indifferent. Potter was reading
the Daily Prophet and the muggle was wolfing down breakfast. When the brown
haired man spotted him, he paused between bites for a moment and offered
Severus a cheerful smile and a friendly wave. There was a chance that they
were innocent�but it was slim. However, there had been a Weasley on the
premises the night before and so he was willing to give them the benefit of the
doubt. For now.

Thursday, July 28^th, 7:16a.m.

Severus made his way slowly to his
seat at the staff table. He was feeling particularly worn out after spending
most of the previous day and a good portion of the night trying to break the
charms on the dungeon corridors. The site of his steaming pot of coffee had
never been as lovely as it was at that moment. Filling his mug to the brim, he
set it down and reached for the sugar only to let out a horrified gasp when the
mug leapt away from his spoonful of sugary goodness. Carefully, he lowered the
sugar spoon and then made a quick grab for the mug with his other hand. The
mug deftly slid to the side, leaving him to grab air. Things continued in this
manner for nearly fifteen minutes (a testament to his amazing patience) when
something in his mind clicked. Albus. Lemon drops.

Severus turned to glare at the
headmaster. �Albus, what do you think you are doing. I need my coffee,
and I need it now.�

Albus looked genuinely confused,
but that damned twinkle was still in his eyes. You never could trust him with
that twinkle. �Severus, whatever are you talking about? Perhaps you should
simply use a different mug.�

�I will not! This is my favorite
mug and I demand that you remove the jinx, hex, or whatever so that I can get
my caffeine fix in peace!�

�Calm down, Severus,� Albus said
sternly, but his smile defeated the tone.

Severus suppressed his urge to
throttle the old wizard. �Albus, it was just a bowl of lemon drops, this is
coffee you�re playing with. Coffee is vital to human survival. I may have
been remiss when I jinxed your lemon drop bowl, but you need to get over it!�

With that, Severus stomped from
the Great Hall leaving several perplexed witches and wizards behind him,
although one wizard and a certain muggle appeared a bit smug.

Friday, July 29^th, 11:47a.m.

Severus was leaning over a gently
simmering cauldron allowing the subtle processes of stirring and chopping to
sooth his frazzled nerves. Three days, three days, and those bloody
corridors were still charmed. He would be damned before he asked Albus for
assistance. (Damned coffee hexing coot!) He had managed to chase the muggle
away a few minutes earlier. A few snarky comments and a short trip to his
supply cupboard (he claimed to be getting some monkey brains for the man to
dissect) and the muggle had scampered away. Now all he had to do was add two
drops of lavender oil and the concoction would be complete. He raised the
vial, tipping it ever so slightly, and allowed a slight smile to pull at his
lips as the first drop fell. Then the cauldron exploded.

When Severus came to, he found
himself lying on the cold stone floor with a slight headache. He pulled
himself up slowly and it only took a moment before he noticed something
missing. He was no longer weighted down by his typical, voluminous robes.
Instead, he appeared to be wearing baggy muggle jeans and a tight T-shirt. His
head began to throb and he reached up to run a hand through his hair, only to
discover that something else was missing. Well, part of something anyway.

Making a mad dash for his private
quarters, Severus headed straight for the full-length mirror in his bedroom.
Someone was going to die. Slowly. Painfully. Several times over if he could
swing it. Instead of his typical lanky, black locks, Severus was now sporting
a rainbow colored mullet. As if this wasn�t bad enough, he realized that he
was indeed dressed in muggle clothing. The jeans were baggy and torn at the
knees and the T-shirt was black with the words �Will Brew For Food� written in
white across the chest.

Suddenly, Severus� list of
suspects shifted drastically. Only two people could be responsible, Potter and
the muggle. They were going to pay. He ran through the corridors towards the
Great Hall knowing that everyone would just be sitting down for lunch. He burst
through the doors, wand drawn, only to be assaulted by several bright flashes
of light. Before he could send off several vicious hexes in retaliation,
someone stupefied him. Oh yes, someone was going to pay. Eventually.

Saturday, July 30^th, 10:20p.m.

Severus slowly opened his eyes,
quickly recognizing the ceiling of the hospital wing. Albus� face hung to the
side of his vision and he turned to face him fully, offering a questioning
scowl.

�Ah Severus, how wonderful for you
to join the land of the living,� the old coot said cheerfully. �In light of
the past few days, I decided to give you a nice long rest. Poppy was able to
remedy your little hair problem, but I am afraid the clothes will have to stay
for now. An interesting little combination of transfiguration and a sticking
charm, if I do say so myself.�

Severus sat up slowly and gazed
down at his clothes, moaning quietly when he realized that Albus was not having
him on. �What time is it?�

�Why it�s nearly half past ten and time for our special staff meeting.� Albus helped Severus to his feet.
�We should hurry outside; we wouldn�t want to miss the fireworks and pudding.�

Severus followed the headmaster
out to the grounds, muttering the whole way and plotting the gruesome death of
The-Boy-Who-Lived and his muggle accomplice. The festivities were already
underway when they stepped from the castle and into the mild summer night.
Several magical fireworks were flying about leaving trails of green, gold, and
red sparkles in the air. It was a disgusting display of frivolity. He was
better off unconscious�well, perhaps just blind, but only temporarily.

Of course, that is a splendid
dragon and a pleasant shade of green.

NO! He would not enjoy this
year�s midsummer staff meeting. No, no, no. Not unless he was able to gut and
fillet his tormentors at some point. Never mind that he may have deserved a
bit of retaliation for toying with the muggle. He had used the man,
manipulating his desire to �make nice�, but so what! He was a Slytherin and if
the little twit was as big a fan of that blasted Rowling woman�s books as he
claimed�well then he should have known better. Of course, there was the whole
turning Potter into a woman thing. No, he would not feel guilty about that.
Potter was hiding things from him and he was practically begging for it.
Besides, it�s not as though he turned him into an ugly woman. On the contrary,
he had given him rather shapely legs as well as other well proportioned�er�assets.

Lost in his contemplation of the
endless cycle of tit for tat that he found himself in, Severus did not see a
rather large and peculiar colored firework soar up into the air. It did manage
to draw his attention as it exploded into a brilliant display of purple and
green stars, stripes, and pinwheels. Then the tiny balls of light began to
rearrange themselves spelling out words. At first, Severus thought that his
dark thoughts were driving him to see things, but the laughter that began to
sound around him belied the truth. There, in letters tall and bold enough to
be read in Hogsmeade village were words of purple in green: Severus, you
Sexy Slytherin Snake, let me buy you a drink! Hugs and Sloppy kisses, Ron

What the devil was wrong with
people? He did not know what to think anymore. The hallway could have been
anyone, though he had suspected a Weasley at the time. The coffee mug appeared
to be Albus retaliating for the one time jinx on his lemon drops. The potion
could not have been anyone but the muggle and he would have required Potter�s knowledge
and assistance. Now this?! It was just too much.

Just then yet another odd-looking
firework began to fly close to the ground, heading straight for Severus Snape.

____________________________________________________________________

Harry and Marvin watched with
baited breath as their special firework was launched into the sky. They were a
bit surprised to see the �personal touch� that Ron had added to the display.
Still, judging by the look on Snape�s face, it worked just as well as their
original phrase. However, the show wasn�t over yet. Both men struggled to
restrain their fits of laughter as they watched the second firework make its
way towards Professor Snape. The ex-spy noticed at the last moment that he was
the target of a magic missile, too late to prevent impact.

There were several loud gasps all
around Harry and Marvin, but they continued to smirk. There was no need to
worry. Professor Snape would not be harmed�physically anyway. When the smoke
cleared there stood Snape, robes returned to their original shape (as opposed
to a T-shirt and jeans, though he had looked rather sharp in a grungy sort of
way) with a bit of color thrown in. Yes, just a bit of neon pink and orange
dashed all over his person from head to toe. Hair, skin, robes, and all. He
looked like a junkie�s psychedelic trip through a zebra herd.

They didn�t have anyone take a
picture of him this time, even they were not that cruel, but the look on
Snape�s face when Dumbledore conjured him a full-length mirror would be
emblazoned in their memories until the end of time. In their opinion, Project
Ares was a complete success.
- 12
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- 14
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Marvin the Mad Muggle