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Learning Life Over	By : Meander Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 69712 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Thanks for the reviews, once more! A few questions answered
at the end of this chapter.

Chapter 13- When �I Don�t Know� Is the Best Answer

�� Harry woke
slowly the next morning, blinking at the ceiling. He had woken late yesterday
evening, but Trippy had brought him a sandwich and a cup of tea, at his quiet
request, without his having to leave the room. Harry had eaten and then fallen
asleep again.

�� It somewhat
surprised him that Draco wasn�t there. Didn�t he live to intrude where he
wasn�t wanted and stare expectantly at Harry?

�� Then Harry
shrugged again. I don�t think that�s the case, or he wouldn�t have bothered
bringing me Theresa to begin with, or doing anything but demanding what he
wants of me. And there�s no law that says he has to be consistent.

�� Trippy
appeared with toast, marmalade, tea, and pancakes. Harry eyed it for a moment,
then sighed.

�� Master
Harry is wanting something else?� Trippy asked at once, her ears standing
straight up on her head and quivering.

�� Harry
hesitated. He felt ungrateful, given that Trippy hadn�t had to bring him
breakfast, either. And this was still more and more luxurious food than he�d
eaten at any point during the last five years. He didn�t need more, did he? As
long as he ate healthy food and in small amounts, he could stay in good shape.

�� The problem
was, he wanted strawberries.

�� It was a
weakness. He didn�t like it that Draco made him want things. Strawberries
weren�t a necessity. He should be able to watch them come and go in perfect
aloofness. Admitting otherwise meant Draco won.

�� Only a
small victory, Harry rationalized to himself.

�� His
conscience pointed out that that habit of rationalization would lose him the
contest, and besides, he was only doing it to justify having strawberries.
Harry ignored it. He was evaluating his usual habit of thinking that nothing he
did mattered to other people- unless it was Auror work- in a new light.

�� If
nobody cares what I have on my breakfasts, why shouldn�t I have strawberries
when I want them and they�re available? The logic he�d followed all those
years, that the best food he could eat was the cheapest and least tasty,
suddenly seemed as suspect as the idea that he should have been eating hearty
meals all along.

�� Strawberries,
please, Trippy,� he said at last, and picked up the cup of tea, cradling it in
his hands to warm them. The house-elf beamed at him like a proud parent and
disappeared.

�� Harry
started eating, and grudgingly had to admit that the food was as good as it
always was. And when Trippy fetched him the strawberries, his tongue tingled as
he ate them, and the sweetness that flooded his mouth, too delicate to be
described, made him forget his compunctions.

�� It�s
just fruit, that�s all. Does it really matter if I don�t have it? Who does that
benefit? It apparently makes me less healthy. He swallowed, and reached for
another strawberry. Eating with his fingers felt decadent, but he suspected it
wasn�t nearly as decadent as the dinner he�d eaten with Draco and Narcissa, or
the pool of warm water.

�� The pool...

�� Harry
closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He�d avoided thinking about that, and
about the kisses Draco had given him, but that wasn�t hard, given the emotional
upheaval the session with Theresa had made him relive. Now, though, he had to
think about them. All other thoughts seemed to have fled his brain. He tried to
analyze those things, and what they said about him, in the calm, dispassionate
way that he�d approached the brains of the Dark wizards he caught.

�� He seemed
to want and miss sex. That much was certain. He still didn�t see why it had to
be sex with a man, or sex with Draco. If Draco�s theories about
touch-deprivation were true, he would have reacted as hungrily to Neville
Longbottom if he had been the one to touch him, or Ginny-

�� Harry shook
his head sharply and ate another strawberry. No, he wasn�t going to think about
Ginny. Not even the way he was sure he�d heard her scream when Voldemort�s
stone had landed. He�d lived through that yesterday. It was done, it was in the
past, they were dead and if not exactly buried- the bodies had been too
thoroughly destroyed for that, so blasted that no one could even say what magic
had killed them- then not something he had to think about all the time.

�� Theresa
will make you think about it.

�� I was
thinking about sex, though.

�� So. He
didn�t need to tell himself he wasn�t gay. He wasn�t. He could choose who he
was attracted to. Harry was sure it was still within his power.

�� So what
do you want, then?

�� And that
was the question. Harry, beyond feeling embarrassed by something this small at
that point, asked Trippy for whipped cream, which she gleefully provided. He
stirred the strawberry he held in the whipped cream and swallowed it, then had
to close his eyes at the taste that resulted.

�� It not only
applied to sex, it applied to everything.

�� He had
accepted that things would have to change. Things, not him, or the way
he related to and thought about the world. He wanted to survive Malfoy Manor
both as healthy as possible and as unscathed as possible. He was not going to
be conned into a sexual relationship with Draco just because Draco wanted one.
If that was what he really desired- and it wasn�t- then he would have it. But
not otherwise.

�� So he
wanted things to change, a little. That meant finding a partner when he was
done at Malfoy Manor, someone who could understand what he wanted and whose
needs Harry could fulfill. A woman who worked at the Ministry? Harry could not
think who else would accept his mad schedule and the way that he constantly
went into danger to save lives, except someone who worked in the same place and
had the same ideals.

�� But beyond
that, he didn�t know, and he didn�t know what more than the most basic
necessities he could request from Draco, who was clearly determined to help him
with more than that.

�� He finished
eating the rest of the meal in thoughtful silence, then put on the first set of
robes he found in his wardrobe and opened the door of the room. He would find
Draco, and tell him that he didn�t want to talk to Theresa today. He wanted to
fly instead.

�� His plans
changed a bit when he opened his door and found not Draco, but Narcissa Malfoy
standing with white roses at her neck and throat and her direct blue gaze
fastened on him.

�� Mr.
Potter,� she said. �I wish to speak with you.�

*

�� Draco
slowed as he came around the corner towards Harry�s room. He�d left him alone
to sleep and eat as he saw fit, but Trippy had finally popped into the kitchen
squeaking a happy torrent of words about Harry finishing a good breakfast, and
so he�d yielded to his curiosity. He heard voices, though, and that puzzled
him. He hadn�t invited any friends to the Manor yet.

�� He peered
around the corner, and blinked when he saw his mother standing in front of
Harry�s door. Harry didn�t look any less surprised to see her, which reassured
Draco somewhat. If Harry and his mother had already managed to plot behind his
back, he would have wondered how he hadn�t known that. He didn�t wish to slip that
far behind Harry in their undeclared war.

�� Mr.
Potter,� his mother said. �I wish to speak with you.�

�� Harry
blinked in surprise, then straightened and flung his head back, a cool mask
settling in place on his features. Draco froze in delight, and even though
Harry might see him if he looked in the right direction, he couldn�t bring
himself to move. This was a Harry-expression he had never seen before. Unlike
the unfeeling contentment that carried him through the day, broken only by a
smile when he solved a particularly difficult case, this was a look of courteously
restrained contempt. Draco felt dizzy just contemplating it, just realizing
that Harry could have that normal a reaction to someone he didn�t like but felt
compelled to be polite to.

�� You�ve
fallen so hard.

�� Draco
ignored the truth, in favor of watching the scene unfold in the hall in front
of him.

�� Mrs.
Malfoy, do speak,� Harry said now. �I�m a guest in your house. The least I owe
you is courtesy.�

�� Technically,
the Manor is Draco�s.� Narcissa stood with her back to him, so Draco couldn�t
see the look on her face, but he could perfectly envision the well-bred sneer
that went with her words. �But what I wish to speak with you about may remain
between us.� She moved a little closer to Harry, and now Draco had no doubt
that she was looking up at Harry through her lashes. It was a trick that melted
most men.

�� Harry just
continued to watch her. Draco lifted a hand to his mouth to stifle a grin. He
had never thought he would be grateful for Harry�s distrust of social niceties,
or of former Slytherins, but here it served well to keep him out of Narcissa�s
clutches.

�� Please
speak, Mrs. Malfoy,� Harry repeated.

�� Narcissa
sighed. �Mr. Potter, my son is the one gem of my old age.� She paused.

�� Harry
obliged her, but surely not in the manner she wanted. �Someone so lovely could
never be considered old, Mrs. Malfoy.� The compliment was flat. It didn�t need
to be impolite to be- well, impolite, Draco thought. The very fact that Harry
didn�t put much of the force of his passion behind it made it an insult.

�� Thank you,
Mr. Potter.� One thing that Draco had to admire about his mother was her
persistence. If she didn�t get what she wanted on the first try, she didn�t
show her impatience; she adjusted the angle of her attack slightly and came in
again. �As I said, Draco is the one truly priceless thing left to me, and I
must ask. What are your intentions in regards to him? Could you become his
lover, even someone who lives with him, who truly loves him? Or do you plan to
abandon him and go on the way that so many other people have in the past?�

�� Draco had
to bite his lip to keep from interfering in the conversation. He left
his lovers, not the other way around.

�� And he was
coming to think more and more that Harry was the one he wouldn�t want to leave.
But he didn�t know that for certain yet, and it would be more interesting to
see what could be learned from letting them proceed uninterrupted.

�� Harry�s
eyelids had dropped, half-shading his eyes. Draco�s breath quickened. God, that
was just the look he�d imagined on Harry�s face after a bout of energetic sex
when neither of them were ready to go to sleep yet.

�� I don�t
know yet,� Harry answered evenly.

�� Narcissa
was disconcerted. Draco could see that much in the way she suddenly stepped
away from Harry, though it was only half a step. �You must know, Mr. Potter,�
she said. �You are here, aren�t you?�

�� Because he
kidnapped me.� And now Harry sounded amused, though Draco was wise enough to
know it was probably at his mother�s expense than because he didn�t mind the
abduction. �That�s the only reason, Mrs. Malfoy, I promise, the sole reason. I
haven�t decided what my intentions are in regards to Draco yet. On the one
hand, he brought me here against my will, and he�s done many things I haven�t
wanted or agreed with. On the other, he does genuinely want to help me, I
believe, and he has done other things that rouse my gratitude for him.�

�� If it is
no dearer emotion than gratitude, I will be content,� Narcissa said, and now
her voice had gone even and emotionless. �I do not think that Draco is in love
with you, Mr. Potter. He is merely obsessed.�

�� There
are worse foundations for love than obsession. Draco knew no one understood
his intense fascination with Harry, but it did irritate him that they
all tried to brush it off as an emotion less powerful than it was.

�� Harry
shrugged. �Then he�s in no worse a position than I am. I don�t know what I
really want of him. I don�t know how this month will end. I don�t know how much
I�ll change in the meantime. I don�t know if I want to be his friend, his
distant acquaintance, or something else. And I almost suspect that I may end up
his lover, though we would probably kill each other inside a night, so I
imagine not.�

�� Draco
clenched his fists.

�� If he
needs freedom, if he needs control, if he needs the distance and the time from
me to make up his mind, he can have it. Anything he needs. God, I want him.

��

�� Narcissa
stood still for a long moment. Draco knew her lips would be a thin white line
without seeing them.

�� Then she nodded.
�Thank you, Mr. Potter,� she said. �You have been more helpful than I
expected.�

�� Her plan to
make an alliance with Harry behind his back had failed, Draco knew. The sudden
spark that lit Harry�s gaze said he knew it, too. He inclined his head in an
ironic little half-bow and watched her go in silence.

�� Then he
turned his attention to the corner and raised an eyebrow. �You can come out
now, Draco.�

�� Draco
didn�t see any use in hiding. He stepped out, and locked his eyes with Harry�s.
Harry looked back in silence. His gaze was as open, as frankly assessing, as
Draco�s was.

�� Draco
didn�t miss the charge that grew in the air between them, though he didn�t
know, from the slight confusion dawning in Harry�s face, if Harry knew how to
read it. At last he looked aside a bit, to give them both time to recover. He
couldn�t help smiling as he did so. No, it wasn�t just obsession and
touch-deprivation driving this. There was a connection between them, an
attraction that he might be able to count on to pull Harry closer because it
was so subtle.

�� You heard
that whole conversation,� Harry said.

�� Did you
lie because I eavesdropped?� Draco asked simply. That was the important thing.

�� I- no.�
Harry�s voice turned dry. �You�re not important enough to me for that.�

�� I will
be. I intend to be. But Draco had a different tactic in mind now. At the
very least, it would give Harry what he needed. At best, it would lure him in
and bind him more firmly than Draco�s actions could.

�� He would
seduce from a distance. He would retreat for now, and only touch Harry when
Harry asked him for it, or when it was a genuine accident. If his theory about
the attraction between him was correct, then Harry would circle in closer
because he couldn�t help himself, because there was something there they both
needed to explore.

�� I�d like
to claim my forfeit of you,� Draco said.

�� He could
feel Harry�s spine stiffen, and the complicated emotions in his voice hid under
the bland surface. �Yes?�

�� Let�s do
something you want to do.� Draco turned around in time to surprise the surprise
on Harry�s face. He smiled in spite of himself. �I only specify that it be
something that you really enjoy, not something you only choose because
you think I�ll like it.�

�� Harry
studied him carefully. Draco hid his motives behind a helpful smile. In
reality, getting rid of the forfeit cast away part of the power he had over
Harry. It set them up more as equals.

�� And, of
course, it showed that he could be accommodating, and that served the seduction
plan he now had in motion.

�� Harry
nodded. Then he grinned, and Draco�s heart beat a little faster.

�� I have the
perfect activity,� Harry said, his voice slow as treacle.

�� Draco
leaned forward. �Tell me.�

******

�� nataliebug:
I�ve never experienced something like Harry did, thank goodness. Most of what
I�ve learned about characterization comes from practice in writing and reading.
I�m glad it made a good impression, though!

�� SLQ:
Perhaps so. That might be an option for the future.

�� Minue: I
understand your problems with the attack. I�ll try to give my version of it
(partially hinted at in this chapter).

The Burrow was so thoroughly
destroyed that the bodies were crushed into little pancakes of flesh under the
roof. The heat also kept everyone away for some time. By the time the Aurors
could get close, there was no way to identify which body had belonged to whom,
let alone which spell had actually been used to kill them. Harry said Killing
Curses were used, but then that Voldemort collapsed the Burrow inward- which did
happen. So someone might have doubted his story, but there was absolutely no
way to verify if the Weasleys and the others died from Killing Curses and then
were crushed by the roof, or were just crushed in the first place.

�� Voldemort
is not the brightest guy on the face of the planet. He also let Harry go in the
graveyard in GoF and gave him his wand back. I see his ego as the kind
of ego that would favor a taunting message like that, and would be stupid
enough to leave his main enemy alive so he could have the pleasure of looking
into Harry�s eyes when he killed him. Typical Evil Overlord mistake.
- 12
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- 14
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Learning Life Over