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Changing of the Guard	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 58627 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Thank you again for all the reviews!

Chapter Thirteen�Backbiting
and Forward-Looking

�� Draco had
never felt such vast disbelief as he did when he and Brian walked back into the
great hall of Clothilde Castle, arm-in-arm. He paused and sniffed the air,
trying to decide what it smelled like. Salt and frost, probably. With one
accord, the room was trying to sweat or freeze them out.

�� You can�t do that anymore, Draco
thought, tightening his hold on Brian�s forearm as the memory of that
incredible pleasure spiraled through him. There�s
nothing you can do to me that I�ll feel the force of, not next to that.

�� Then he saw
a familiar face glaring at him from a nearby pocket of people, and grinned.
Inwardly, however, it had the effect of putting some frost on his glee at last.
Of course there were people outside the bedroom, and of course they had still
to be dealt with. He shouldn�t let his confidence carry him away.

�� He leaned
towards Brian, aware that everyone in the room was watching him do so, and
resisting the impulse to preen under the attention. �That woman over there is
Pansy Parkinson,� he whispered into Brian�s ear. The other man shivered. Draco
wanted to crow. He gave himself a moment to get over that before he continued. �One
of my oldest and dearest friends, and at the moment she�s probably furious because
I didn�t tell her about this beforehand. Shall we go over and introduce you to
her?�

�� If you
like.� Brian�s voice was soft.

�� Draco
pulled away enough to stare into his face. Brian met his eyes, then frowned and
looked down at his hands. �Yes,� he said, more strongly. �I�d like to meet her.�

�� Draco
thought he might know what was wrong. He ran a hand up the other man�s arm. �I
don�t plan on kicking you out of bed in a month,� he said. �Or a month beyond
that, even.� That was as much as he was willing to commit to, since even now he
could not say if his alliance with Brian would be a permanent one, but surely
Brian understood that and needed only
a few mild words to soothe his anxieties. �You need not fear that this meant
more to you than it did to me. How could it, when our magic made us open to
each other like that?�

*

�� Harry bit
down on his tongue. Otherwise, he might have screamed, And that�s exactly what I�m afraid of!

�� The worst
thing had happened that could. Harry had forgotten that this was just a job,
but that wasn�t a disaster. There had been a few jobs in the past, usually
early ones, where the same thing had happened. But his client had always
retained the proper emotional distance, and that had helped Harry find his way
back to solid ground.

�� Now Draco had forgotten that he�d hired
Brian, that he was paying him, that this could never become the kind of relationship
his casual touches and shining eyes since their�experience�said it was already.
And without help, how would Harry get out of the morass he�d sunk himself in?

�� Especially
when he had to find a way to do it without really rejecting Draco? What they�d shared was too strong to let him live
with his conscience if he did so. He�d seen too many of the vulnerable places Draco
usually kept secret, and that had to be respected and reciprocated.

�� Why? Harry snarled at himself.

�� Because it does, said his conscience in
an implacably Gryffindorish way.

�� But of
course he could show none of that conflict to Draco. Though obviously he couldn�t
count on Draco�s desire to live a pure-blood life�which included guarding his
emotions�the way he thought he could, he would just have to work around this.
He would have to find a way.

�� And you�ve always found a way before, his
memory reminded him. You made a life�lives�for
yourself the way that no one thought Harry Potter could after he killed Voldemort.
They said he would be forever defined by that one deed. Instead, he�s created
multiple definitions of himself.

�� Harry
lifted his head. Yes, he could do
this. And he would watch closely and observe. Possibly the people in Draco�s
life who distrusted him, including Narcissa and Pansy Parkinson, could actually
become his allies.

�� In fact�

�� The seeds
of a plan sprang up in Harry�s mind then, and he smiled sincerely at Draco and
took his arm with a will. �I do know that,� he said. �And since I�m going to
stick around for a while, I�d better meet your friends, shan�t I?�

*

�� Draco didn�t
nuzzle against Brian�s neck in gratitude only because he had such a strong
will. But that will wasn�t enough to prevent him from smirking as he guided
Brian towards Pansy. She really did look
furious. This would probably be better than the time Draco had spelled half the
Hufflepuffs� hair pink using one of her cosmetic potions, and hadn�t told her
beforehand he�d be doing so.

�� Draco,�
she said, and inclined her head stiffly. Her companion was, of course, not her
own lover; that man was a Muggle who
couldn�t come to pure-blood parties like this. Draco gave the date a single,
dismissive glance; he had watery blue eyes, a long-jawed face, and, of course,
an expression of horror, but it was not a very interesting expression of horror, the way some of the faces around
them wore, so Draco did not feel compelled to pay attention to him. �I suppose
your�friend�needs an introduction?�

�� Of course.�
Draco stepped a little behind Brian and put his hands on his shoulders. It both
made him look strong and protective, utterly joined to his �boyfriend,� and
gave him an excuse to touch Brian. �This is Brian Montgomery. And you should
know, Pansy, that he�s not my friend. He�s my lover.�

�� Several people
around them turned away at that. Draco swallowed a smirk. So they could watch him
and Brian kiss in the middle of the dance floor and then come back only twenty
minutes later, but the word disgusted
them?

�� Of course, Draco thought a moment later,
struck by a realization he�d never had before. So much of what happens under our noses�under the noses of people like
my father�is simply not talked about. Silence is the great weapon we all employ
against the things we don�t want to deal with. To announce it aloud is more
shocking than doing it, because not speaking about what you did would allow
everyone else to ignore it, too.

�� His hands
tightened on Brian�s shoulders. He didn�t plan to deny him. He didn�t plan to let
him go, either, though Draco suspected it would take more than just seduction
to make Brian realize how much had changed.

That was all right. The emotional bond
that had connected them had let Draco feel Brian�s own delight and wonder, and
not a shadow of the ulterior motives he would have expected if Brian was indeed
working for someone else. And really, was that
very likely? Draco had to admit that it probably wasn�t, not when he
himself had approached Metamorphosis and picked the actor. The Manager had only
suggested Brian. He couldn�t have known beforehand that Draco would require
someone like this; nor could he have known how soon Draco wanted him or how
long he�d need him.

So he probably didn�t have any
mysterious masters after all, and Draco could laugh at his own suspicions. And
that meant Brian was his.

He came back to the present to see
Brian bowing courteously to Pansy. This, of course, meant she�d refused to
extend her hand to him. Draco clucked his tongue, stepped around Brian, and
picked up his best friend�s fingers, which lay limp and cold in his. Then he
forcibly connected them with Brian�s, who had obediently held out his own hand
when he realized what Draco was doing.

�� This,�
Pansy said remotely, staring over Brian�s head, �is undoubtedly the stupidest
stunt you�ve ever pulled in your life.�

�� There have
been a few that were worse,� Draco said, and moved so he was leaning into Brian�s
warmth this time. He wanted it. And he saw no reason to deny himself that, not
when everyone at the party knew they
were lovers, now.

�� Not many.�
Pansy flexed her fingers, trying to pull her hand free, but Brian did keep it
for a moment longer. Draco noticed a devilish shadow in his blue eyes. And of
course, when Pansy abruptly gave her arm a hard yank, Brian let her go without
a fuss, blinking innocently, and making it seem to any observers as if Pansy had been the rude one.

�� Pansy
narrowed her eyes at Brian for a moment, then raised a falsely sweet smile to
Draco. �If you�ll just fetch drinks for us, perhaps I can get to know your new�Mr.
Montgomery a little, Draco?�

�� Why shouldn�t
you send your date to get the drinks?� Draco asked, and leaned more fully into
Brian. �I�m comfortable here.�

�� But a
gentleman always obliges a lady,� Pansy said. �Or ladies.� She looked directly
at Brian now.

�� How
fortunate that I�m not actually a woman, the way you�re trying to imply,� Brian
said helpfully, flashing her a sweet smile that was a better mask than hers. �I
assure you, Draco can feel that I�m
not a woman.�

�� Pansy�s
lips tightened. Interestingly, Draco noticed, there was no disgust mixed in
with her expression, just hostility and wariness. Perhaps she thought she could
not actually show much disgust, since Draco knew about her Muggle lover�a person
most of pure-blood society would also have distrusted�and she knew he had slept
with men before this.

�� Oh, all
right,� she said. �You go, Joshua.�

�� Her lantern-jawed
date stared at her. �And leave you here with these�queers?�

�� I can
assure you,� Brian said, peering over Draco�s head, �neither of us is at all
interested in your girlfriend. You ought to feel better leaving her with us
than anyone else in the room.� He swept Joshua up and down with a glance that
said he couldn�t have offered much competition, should Pansy decide she wanted
someone else.

�� Joshua
stiffened, but stamped off, looking both irritated and humiliated. Draco
smiled. Pansy had made a long tradition out of harassing the women he�d taken
as dates to parties when he hadn�t been interested in them at all; it was only
fair that Brian should return the favor, even if he understood nothing about
the tradition he was participating in.

�� He fits into my life so well already. What
objection can Pansy make?

�� From the
way her jaw worked, she had thought of a few.

*

�� Pansy took
a step close to Draco the moment her date was out of sight. She had lowered her
voice, but Harry made out every word anyway, sharp as cut glass. �How could you
have done this?�

�� Oh, it was
quite easy,� Draco said, with a laziness in his voice that snared Harry�s attention
at once, because it was new. He�d held himself at least a little aloof in every
conversation they�d had so far, or at least every conversation in the hearing
of someone else. Now he could relax, and he did not care who knew it. It was
more than the languor of great sex, Harry thought. He feels safe with me. �There�s this process called dating, you must
have heard of it��

�� Pansy shook
her head. There was no joking in her expression at all. Harry liked her the
better for that. She was really concerned about Draco, perhaps in the same way Narcissa
had been. Yes, she could be an ally in urging Draco away from him and back towards
his normal life. �Nothing is worth what you�re giving up by acting out against society
in this way, Draco. Nothing.�

�� I don�t
know about that,� said Draco, and casually linked his hand with Harry�s. Harry
had not even realized he�d curved an arm around Draco�s chest, his fingers
splayed in the middle of his stomach. Draco made the gesture as if he�d done it
a thousand times.

�� And he probably does feel like he has, Harry
thought, experiencing another surge of irritation and resentment against himself
for having allowed things to get as far as they had. That connection we just shared allowed us to skip over some of the preliminary
steps to intimacy. He probably feels like we�re real lovers, real friends.

�� Harry felt
the beginnings of pity. They weren�t, of course, and it would hurt Draco all
the more if he were allowed to go on believing that they were�or to start believing they were. Harry had to
extricate them both from this situation, somehow.

�� Pansy�s
eyes came up and lingered on his face, as if she were trying to see what in
Brian made him worth Draco�s risking his social reputation, or trying to
identify him. Harry gave her as inviting a look as he possibly could.

�� Some spark
caught in Pansy�s eyes, and she nodded to herself. �Well,� she said in a normal
tone of voice. �If you really are insistent on being with him, Draco, then I
should get to know him, don�t you think? Someone
needs to warn your�lover�� Her voice cracked, but she still said the word.
Harry was impressed. �Of your many bad tendencies.�

�� Draco
straightened and blinked at her, then turned to give Harry a suspicious look.
Harry blinked back at him. Of course Draco would wonder what had made Pansy
suddenly sound accepting, but he could not think it was anything Brian had done, especially when he had
teased her just a moment ago.

�� Oh, do go
on, Draco,� Harry said in Brian�s voice, making himself sound amused and
gentle. �I�ll have to get to know your friends sometime, won�t I? They�re part
of your life, and so am I.�

�� Draco
smiled a little, with an edge to it that Harry didn�t entirely like or understand.
�Yes, you are,� he said, and leaned in to brush his lips against Harry�s cheek.
That motion hid his murmur into Harry�s ear. �You are. Don�t let her belittle you or guilt you into going away.�

�� And he
stood and sauntered casually towards a group of people who were trying to
pretend he didn�t exist. Harry smiled. At least he would probably have fun.

�� He glanced
quickly around to make sure that Joshua wasn�t coming back, then gave his full
attention to Pansy. �I want Draco to be happy,� he said. Enough of dancing around the subject and playing games with it. We
probably won�t have long to talk. �Tell me how I can extricate myself from
his life and still leave him that way, and I�ll follow your advice.�

*

�� Draco could
feel the excessive concentration of the group he approached, which included
Marigold Moonstone and some lesser Clothilde relatives. They were trying to
freeze him out, cut him without even refusing to look at him. They just all happened to be looking in a different
direction.

�� Hello,� he
greeted Marigold. She gasped and clutched at her skirts, but didn�t glance up.
Her cheeks were awfully red, of course. �We had a discussion of gay sex the
other night. Now you�ve had a chance to see how part of it works. What did you
think? Do you still believe that I need a woman to make myself excited?�

�� Stay away
from her.� A young man shouldered forwards and planted himself between Marigold
and Draco. Then he seemed to realize exactly what he�d done and flinched, but
lifted his chin and tried to pretend to courage. �She�s practically a child
still, and I�ve heard all about what your kind do to children.�

�� Someone needs
to correct the myths that circulate about gay men, I see,� said Draco, even
though the insult had irritated him, much as the fat wizard�s insults in Diagon
Alley had. But he�d signed up for this when he decided to come out, or pretend
to come out. �Either we�re so busy fucking men that we never look at women, or
we prey on children of both sexes because that�s just the way we are. Marigold�s female. You must have
noticed,� he added helpfully, because the young man had stepped away from him
and practically slammed his head into Marigold�s breasts.

�� You can�t
confuse me, you creature,� said the
young man, and tucked his hands under his elbows as if the gesture would make
him look stern instead of defensive. �You�ll say all sorts of things that sound reasonable, and then you go away
and get stuck up the duff. Or stick something up there.� He looked ill thinking
about it. Then he paused, shook his head, and burst out, �How can you do that? Do you have the least idea how many diseases��

�� There are
just as many diseases to be got from the normal process of sex, as I understand
it,� Draco said, and looked for just a moment at some scars near the man�s
mouth. They were probably the remnants of childhood pimples, but they could as
easily have been from some of the more, ah, wart-like illnesses traded around
through sex. The people around the young man went purple or scarlet or white as
they thought the insult deserved, and he clenched his fists.

�� You�� said
the man, and then shook his head, as if he could not find the words necessary to
speak his outrage. �How dare you speak about that subject in front of young
maidens,� he settled for whispering at last, indicating the blushing Marigold.

�� Draco gave
a lazy shrug, successfully resisting the impulse to turn around and see what
Pansy and Brian were doing. �You were the one who brought it up.�

*

�� Extricate
yourself,� said Pansy, and tapped her fingers against her arm, as she might
have if she�d had a fan. She would have looked good with one, Harry thought.
The pug-faced girl he�d known in school had grown into a stern, majestic woman who
appeared more at home in her formal robes and surroundings than half the
pure-bloods here. �Why would you want that, if you love Draco so much?� Her lip
curled on the word love, but again
she managed to say it, and again Harry was impressed.

�� Because
the process of coming out was nothing like I thought it would be.� Harry shook
his head, and made sure his best expression of remorse appeared on his face by
thinking of Hester Rann, his most melancholy persona. �I thought it would grant
Draco at least some happiness. He
told me it would, that he couldn�t lie to his parents anymore and that he
wanted his friends to know who he really was. Instead, both his parents, not
just his father, have turned against him, and he�s losing status, even if he
doesn�t realize it.� He shuddered a little and closed his eyes. �As you said,
there are some sacrifices that nothing is worth.�

�� Pansy said
nothing. Harry kept his eyes shut. Opening them would make him seem too eager.
Besides, he wanted to marshal his thoughts, which would need to go in one of
two directions dependent on her response.

�� Thank you,
Joshua, yes, he�s been fine, go away,� Pansy said abruptly, and Harry looked,
because he wanted to see if Joshua would actually go. He did, after a
sheep-like blink at Pansy, and he took one of the drinks he�d fetched with him.
Pansy sipped the other. There were limits to her politeness to Brian, Harry
supposed.

�� Well,�
Pansy said at last, �I would not have expected you to understand how much
status and participation in our world mean to a pure-blood wizard, especially since
the war.� She took a step away from him. �We�re besieged, you know this? The
wider wizarding world has no reason to like us unless we assimilate and stop
keeping to ourselves. And our culture will be gone in a few generations if we
do that.�

�� I know,�
Harry said softly. He chose his most earnest expression this time. �I hadn�t
realized until now just how well Draco fit into this world, because we always
met outside of it�by necessity�and he seemed separate from it. Now I do. Now I
see, even if he can�t, the way he�s losing pieces of himself.� He shook his
head. �I want to add to his life, not detract from it. And I�ve tried during
the last several days to think of some way I can do that, but I can�t. And
Draco refuses to pretend to break up with me and go back into hiding the way I
wanted to do. He�s committed to this. All or nothing.�

�� I think I
might know why,� Pansy murmured. �His relationship with his father was rocky
even before this.�

�� But does
he deserve to have every relationship
cut off, merely so that he can stay with me?� Harry asked. �His mother? His
friend Blaise, whom he�s mentioned a time or two?� He caught her eye. �You?�

�� He does not,�
Pansy said. Something had relaxed behind her face. Harry thought she�d probably
decided that �Brian� wasn�t tricking her, or at least that he cared more about
Draco than she�d thought he could. �Talking about lovers standing alone against
the world is very romantic, of course, but Draco�s life has no room for that
kind of romance.�

�� Harry felt
himself flood with frantic relief. Draco�s friends all agreed that his liaison
with Brian was much better as a temporary arrangement. And of course it would be
abbreviated anyway, by Narcissa�s knowledge of his identity.

�� I will try
my very hardest to give Draco the freedom and independence and happiness he
needs,� Harry said, �if you�ll help. But I�m afraid I don�t know how to make
him stop paying attention to me just like that.�

�� He won�t,�
Pansy said with quiet certainty. �Not if you mean enough for him to come out
with you like this.� She paused, her expression calculating. �You really are
willing to sacrifice your relationship with him?�

�� I love him
more than my own happiness,� Harry said. And that was the way Brian would
probably have felt if he existed, so it was not really a lie.

�� Pansy
nodded. �I�ll owl you, then. I�m afraid I don�t have a plan at the moment,
either.� She paused and stared hard at Harry. �I would draw back in small ways
if you can. The expression on his face when he entered the room�he won�t let you
go easily.�

�� But I�m
wrong for him,� Harry said, a little surprised. He had thought Pansy would say
that, past a certain point, Draco would give Brian up in disgust, particularly if
he figured out that Brian had been plotting against him.

�� He thinks
you�re very, very right,� Pansy said. �It�s a delusion, of course, but his delusions
can be powerful. Be careful.�

�� Goddamn it, why do things like this happen
to me? Harry thought. Who would ever
have believed that Draco Malfoy, of all people, might think he�s falling in
love with a hired actor?��

�� I�ll try,�
Harry said. �But I can�t withdraw from him completely now. I just�can�t.�

�� Then leave
most of the plan to me,� Pansy said, and patted his arm soothingly. �You�ll
only have to agree to do what I tell you to.�

�� You�ve had
enough time to get to know each other, certainly?� Draco said, suddenly
appearing at Harry�s side.

�� Harry�s
breath caught in spite of himself. Knowing he had been inside Draco�s mind and
emotions as well as his body made a difference for him. He wasn�t sure if it
was in danger of falling in love, too, but if so, he knew why. His arm went
around Draco�s waist, and he bowed his head to take in the scent of his hair,
unconscious of his actions until he had performed them.

�� He looked
up to find Pansy shaking her head slightly, but she said, �Yes, Draco, I think
we understand each other and our relationships to you quite well now.�

�� Please, I hope so, Harry thought. Because I don�t know if I�ll be able to get
out of this on my own, no matter how necessary it is. No matter how much I know
it would hurt him less to lose me permanently than to find out who I really
was, and that he�d been betrayed.

�� Draco
turned his head so his chin rested on Harry�s shoulder. Harry closed his eyes
and drowned.

��

*

�� Snappy pants,
Mangacat, avihenda, Christabell, Hi-chan, YG, beautifullove348, Moyima, Banner,
Melony: Thanks for reviewing!

�� Lunatic
with a hero complex: You�re right about that. Even though Harry knows he can�t
draw back emotionally from the situation now, he�s still seeking a way out. And
Draco�s reaction when the revelation comes will not be what Harry currently
thinks it is.

�� S2kitty:
Thanks very much! As for Draco�s reaction, Harry is betting on his betrayal
being greater than anything else. He might know Harry has developed feelings
for him, but he won�t know if he can trust them (Harry is a liar, after all),
and he�ll reject him in fury. At least, Harry thinks that is what will happen.

�� SlashGirl:
Oh, Brian is still trying! He just doesn�t think he can dump Draco without
outside help anymore.

�� Qwerty:
Falling, but not yet fallen. He�s still striving to get free, since he thinks
it would be the best thing for them both in the long run.

�� SoftObsidian74:
Thank you! The reactions from Harry you�ve commented on are the exact reason he�s
terrified. Usually he�s much better at controlling himself than that.

�� He doesn�t want to give himself, rather than a
persona, to other people because he doesn�t think he has a self left anymore.

�� Yume111:
That�s all right!

�� It was
Harry�s instinct to protect Draco, and he really should not have given in to
it.

�� Harry is
good enough to read Draco�s suspicions. You will notice he didn�t immediately
trace them back to his display of power, however.

�� Narcissa is
trying to let Draco do what he needs to do, but she doesn�t really think dating
Harry Potter in disguise can be good for him�hence her setting a time limit.
She is still somewhat interfering.

�� Draco is
looking for a permanent arrangement, yes, though only now does he acknowledge
it.

�� And Harry
is absolutely adamant about his feelings for Draco not changing because they
can�t be allowed to change. Harry has
something of Narcissa�s idea that you should be able to control your heart.
Sexual bonds mean nothing against everything they don�t know about each other,
in his eyes.

�� And thank
you!

�� Jaylynn:
Yes, they felt what the other was feeling. And Harry does think he can make
Draco�s dependence on him lessen to the point where he�ll let �Brian� go.
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Changing of the Guard