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Just Let Me Die	By : prongsforever27 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Voldemort Views: 30277 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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A/N: See end of chapter

Chapter Twelve: Nausea

Trapped.

Harry was trapped in the confines of his room, unable to get out change rooms or do anything. Trapped behind a glass window and a wooden door like a mouse in a cage. There was a small bathroom connected to his the only opportunity to change his surroundings, the only opportunity he had to cleanse his body of the horrors that had claimed his soul.

Lonely.

He was terribly lonely. Although he was now able walk around without assistance he was never allowed to be on his own. Madame Pomphrey had insisted that to aid his mental status he should have someone with him at all times. Dumbledore had taken that to mean only adults should cross his path. He had still not seen his friends, although he had been thoroughly assured of their safety.

Three years.

Mrs Weasley had told him that he had spent 3 years in the care of his parents murderer. Yet he was still there. Voldemort still remained in the back of his mind, lying dormant until Harry was left alone again. He hadn't told anyone of the mental rape that he had been going through, reliving and remembering. They already thought him mad anything more and he would be taken to St Mungos boy who lived or not.

Harry wasn't completely without his senses. He was well aware that Voldemort had done far more to Harry than just mental rape, knew that it had also been a physical act that occurred during his incarceration. Just because he had no recollection of the past two years did not mean that nothing had happened, it just meant that his body was present when his mind was elsewhere.

"Harry?" A soft voice pulled him out of his reverie, he was sitting on the floor next to the toilet his head resting on the tiled wall.

"Yes Mrs Weasley?"

"How are you feeling now?"

"The nausea has passed now thank you…guess I'm still not quite used to actually eating food yet."

"It will come back to you, Merlin knows we need to get some food into you. You never did have a filled out frame. Maybe we should add a stomach soother to your potions to help you keep food down?"

"That may be an idea." With help from Mrs Weasley Harry rose to his feet and returned to his cell. "Could we open the window perhaps? It boiling in here. Please?"

"Harry I can't, you know why."

"Mrs Weasley I wasn't in my right mind then. Please this room feels its getting smaller and smaller. Just some fresh air please! Or let me out of this room! Let me sit on the stairs…I promise I wont go any further just some space….please" Harrys panicked voice broke through to her motherly instincts.

"Okay Harry I'll let you out of the room just don't go past the protection enchantments or Albus will have my head."

With a flick of her wand the door opened to reveal the dark and dreary stairwell beyond. Harry inched towards the door, elation building at the sense of freedom that filled him with the simple act. He glanced down the stairs to the landings below and the thin line that told him how far his freedom was extended to. The stale air of his room was replaced by the dusty smell of the house and drunk in the sight of the rooms he had once believed he never wanted to see again. The dark worn wallpaper, to the oak laced with magic table with a candle atop that never went out. The gold dusty frames with magical photographs with people he had never met, and the brown eyes staring back at him from their position by the doorway of a room hidden behind the enchantments with him.

Exhaustion smothered her body with an ache that the bath she had recently had did nothing to improve. Over the past few days Hermione had gradually recovered from the shock of witnessing the absolute distress of the man whom she had witnessed break at the hands of his torturer.

It was relieving to say the least that the time spent away from Voldemort had allowed Harry's mind to return to them, yet the separation enforced on them by Albus Dumbledore gave nothing to replace the awful images of having to restrain her friend whilst he relived the torture, whilst he begged for an escape. Memories of a happier time where they did not have the threat of Voldemort looming over their existence seemed like memories from a different life, although Harry had never lived without the threat of Voldemort. He had never known what it was like to be free, to be happy, to live. Perhaps he never would, perhaps he would never recover to his original self as she had come to love before his capture. It was with a heavy heart Hermione left her room glancing briefly at the door that hid him, and met his emerald green eyes.

"Harry!"

"Mione." He raised the edges of his mouth slightly in a half-formed smile.

"How have you been?" She moved to the stairs about to climb them when he descended to meet her on the landing.

"Mad apparently, you?"

"Oh you know busy in the library."

The awkwardness held for a few moments whilst they studied the face of the other to assess the damage of the past few years, before Hermione jumped and hugged Harry to within an inch of his life. Tears flowed down pale cheeks as she finally allowed herself to grieve for what she had nearly lost, her best friend.

Molly separated herself from the two friends giving them some privacy whilst she allowed herself to organise the addition of a potion to stop the nausea that followed every bite of food that Harry ate.

"Poppy, Harry's been sick again is there anything that you can do to prevent him losing everything we give him faster than we can give it to him to begin with?"

"Strange…I already had a few days ago. It should have taken effect by now….unless…"

"Unless what?"

"I think we need to discuss this with Albus, there is something that we are missing but I can't place what. Come on he's in his room."

They climbed the stairs below where Hermione and Harry sat talking and remembering and knocked on Dumbledores door.

"Yes ladies?"

"Albus, Harry has been throwing up for the past week or so now, I added some anti-emetic potions to his collection but to no avail. I thought it may have something to do with his lack of appetite so I also added a hunger inducing potion but again no effect. I am curious if the potion to which you administered to him would have had any effect to his stomach despite the time that has passed since it was taken."

"Curious, I do not believe that vomiting was part of the listed side effects yet it is always a possibility where Harry is concerned. Poppy tell me was there anything from his initial examination that would effect his eating habits?"

"Other than severe malnutrition? No…unless…its incredibly rare there have only been two reported cases in history….although Harry has always been known as someone who can do the impossible on a daily basis."

"What is it?"

"He was raped…"

Harry and Hermione were sitting quietly on the stairs, not talking, just sitting in each others presence building energy for the road ahead of them. A collection of footsteps brought their attention to the three of the senior members of the Order rushing towards them.

"Harry could you return to your room for a moment, there is something we need to discuss with you in private."

"Sir?"

"Harry please upstairs, Hermione if Harry wishes you can join us as well, in fact I would recommend that you do join us. Shall we?" Dumbledore held out his arm as an invitation to climb the stairs back to Harry's room.

The small bedroom felt crowded with the five of them surrounding the open space.

"Lets sit down. Now it has come to our attention Harry that you have been experiencing some trouble keeping your food down."

"Yes sir, but I thought Mrs Weasley was going to arrange a stomach soother to prevent this."

"Harry a stomach soother was already added to your potions a few days ago and Molly reliably informs me that this has seemingly had no effect."

"So what does that mean then?"

"It means Harry that something else is wrong which we need to address now I have asked Poppy if she would be so kind as to cast a different type of diagnostic charm, one that will provide more information to us about what is going on inside your body, more information than previously supplied by other charms already cast. To do this we will require a couple drops of your blood if you would be so kind." Poppy held out a small glass vial to Harry, who after a couple moments of confusion willingly held out his arm for Madame Pomphrey to cut his skin and heal it to collect the blood required into the vial. Without hesitation she cast her wand over the blood, paused, then watched as the blood turned blue.

"Harry could you lie down on the bed for a moment please."

"Madame Pomphrey why?"

"Please Harry I will explain all in a moment." With a quizzical stare Harry moved over to his bed and lay down. Poppy waved her wand over his abdomen and an image appeared of a tiny ball of cells connected to an unseen source appeared for the room to see. Both Molly and Hermione gasped, Albus bowed his head and Madame Pomphrey with a sigh helped Harry sit back up.

"Harry there is no easy way to tell you this but it would appear that during your incarceration, whether you were aware of this event or not, but you were raped."

With a downward glance Harry replied, "I know. But what does this have to do with anything?"

"Harry, as you know in the wizarding world gay relationships are not as frowned upon as in the muggle world. This in part is due to the fact that two men or two women can after ingesting a specially brewed potion have a child together. Now there have only been two cases reported in history but some gay couples if they come from a powerful magical bloodline can conceive naturally."

"Wait….wait what!" Harry jumped up out of his seat, " Are you telling…I'm not…I can't be!"

"Harry please, sit down, lets discuss this calmly."

"Calmly! CALMLY! You tell me I am pregnant and then you expect me to discuss things quietly! Get out."

"Harry…"

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" The sheer force of Harry's anger forced them all to leave in haste. The door slammed shut leaving the four of them staring at each other.

"Headmaster,"

"Albus, Hermione, I have not been your headmaster for many years now."

"Well Albus what does this mean for Harry? I mean naturally conceived male pregnancies are very dangerous as it is, why can't we terminate the pregnancy?"

"Hermione if we could we would, if it weren't for where the fetus has attached itself to Harry, and how far the pregnancy is already. Hermione, Harry is already 3 months pregnant, wizarding law prohibits abortion after ten week gestation. Even in these circumstances to abort the pregnancy now would jeopardize Harry's life. The fetus is settled onto his lungs. We have no choice but to let the pregnancy continue."

Harry stared unseeing out of the window, watching drops of rain slide down the glass in silence. In his minds eye he was settled on the image Madame Pomphrey had produced with a simple wave of his wand.

Where is my wand? Maybe they are to frightened of what I could do with a wand. What am I supposed to do now? Pregnant….pregnant. The expect me to be calm!

They expect you to be their puppet, their pawn in a war they have already lost.

No…please god no I can't do this…

So don't, come back to me and you will never have to face this, come back to me and admit your defeat.

I am not defeated!

Yes you are. You sit here in a cell with a view, only permitted to see only certain people, unable to open a window because of the danger you pose. They don't want you Harry, they want your body. Come to me Harry…

A tear mirrored the trail on the window pane down his cheekbone.

"Albus, if I have to do this then you will give me freedom of the house and choice in who I see. If you will not give me that right then I will leave and bid you good day. Your answer?"

"Harry, I can't let you just leave…"

"So your answer is?"

"Harry…"

"Do I stay with freedom of the house or do I leave?"

"You can stay Harry, but why…"

"Thank you good day…"

"What on earth…"

A/N- sorry *winces* I swear every time I look at my e-mails and I see another person has added this to their subscription list I want nothing more than to jump on the computer and start writing, but alas this is actually the first time I have been able to write without feeling excessively guilty for not writing one of my essays. So this is the point where things start to happen and should be more interesting from now on….so thank you if you enjoyed this chapter let me know, if you didn't let me know oh and if you've seen the latest Harry Potter film let me know what you thought because I am just that nosey! Thank you so much for sticking with me I am now 8 weeks away from qualifying as a midwife!
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Just Let Me Die