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Struggling Through New Beginnings	By : HarryGinny4eva Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 31233 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Spoilers - I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Disclaimer:
Spoilers - I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the
characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing
of this story

Chapter 13

Draco heard humming coming from the small kitchenette area as he entered the
common room and since it was a rather odd occurrence in the Slytherin rooms, he
thought to investigate who it was. He stepped into the doorway as the person
was coming out and they slammed into each other.

�Sorry,� Pansy mumbled. Her head was down as she bent to retrieve the books
she�d dropped.

Draco was glad she hadn�t seen his face yet, as he knew it betrayed his shock.
In all their years he had never heard her hum, and most certainly he had never
imagined it would be a happy, almost lyrical sound if he ever did hear it. As
she straightened and looked up, he straightened his face with practiced ease
and smirked at her.

When she flinched upon seeing him he raised an eyebrow, �Humming, my dear? And,
what pray tell, was the song? I don�t believe I�ve
heard it before.�

He watched the color drain from her face and saw her take a step back and took
immediate exception to her obvious discomfort with him. They were to be married
soon, after all, whether they wanted it or not. He felt a weight settle in his
stomach as it hit him that he really didn�t want to marry her. She was a fine,
pureblooded witch from a good family. She had been raised properly to be his perfect wife. She was intelligent,
soft-spoken, pretty, and a good hostess. And, in all their years of acquaintance,
she had proven to be an agreeable person. He did like her in general, but
something about the thought of spending the remainder of his life with her,
sleeping with her, made him feel a bit sick.

Her chin rose defiantly as she answered his question, but he barely registered
her voice as he continued to think on their future. His eyes swept her face and
then down and back up her small form. He took a deep breath to see if her scent
had any affect on him and realized he didn�t really smell anything. Why was it
that he had absolutely no feeling for the woman in front of him? She was
picture perfect. If someone had asked almost any male what they wanted in a
wife, Pansy would have been who they described. He acknowledged that any wizard
would be lucky to have her. Why then, didn�t he want her?

�Draco!� she snapped.

He focused on her angry, upturned face and realized he had been staring at her
for quite some time, but hadn�t heard a word she�d said.

�Pansy,� he answered snappishly to cover his lapse.

�I asked you a question,� she said as she crossed her arms and tapped her foot.

He almost smiled at her. She was adorable in her anger; it made her eyes
sparkle. But, he didn�t think she would appreciate his view right then.

�I apologize,� he said with a shallow bow. �I was lost in thought. What did you
ask?�

She seemed taken aback admission and looked at him for a moment before she
answered, �I asked why you were staring at me like that.�

He shrugged and looked away from her, �Just thinking.�

�About?� she prompted.

�Just stuff,� he muttered and stuck his hands in his pockets. Then he glanced
back down at her, �What are you doing back here? No class?�

She shook her head, �Not until eleven, Basic Medical Aide. And, you?�

�I had Herbology this morning, but a bit of a break before Arithmancy.�

The awkward moment seemed to have passed, so he nodded toward the common room
and they moved together out of the kitchenette and over to one of the sofas.

When they settled, she asked, �How was your class?�

�Oh, it was fine, I guess,� he shrugged.

She tilted her head and asked softly, �Anything you want to talk about?�

He shook his head and she put her hands in her lap and looked down as she
nodded.

They were quiet for a moment before he asked softly, �May I ask you a question,
Pansy?�

�Of course,� she answered immediately.

Draco wasn�t quite sure how exactly to phrase his question, but he needed to
know. Her voice from the night before still played in his mind, and with the
conversation between Luna and Parvati added to it, he wondered again how he
felt and why he suddenly cared. He glanced around to make sure no one listened
to their conversation and cleared his throat nervously. His only solace was
that as his betrothed, friends or not, she couldn�t betray his confidences.

After the silence stretched a bit too long, he blurted, �What do you really
think of muggles? And, um, muggleborns?�

He could tell she was shocked by the question as her lips fell open into a
perfect O and her eyes widened in disbelief. If he hadn�t wanted the answer so
badly he might have laughed at her fish imitation. Then he saw her straighten
slightly and sit back from him, almost as if she was preparing to jump away if
needed.

His previous anger returned and he snapped, �I�m not going to hurt you, dammit. Just answer the question!�

He saw her flinch a bit, but watched as she lifted her chin and took a deep
breath. For a moment he was reminded of Hermione Granger and her quiet
strength. He blinked to clear the image from his head and looked at Pansy once
again.

She looked him in the eye as she answered; her voice barely above a whisper,
�As I said last night, Draco, I truly believe no one is responsible for their
birth. I know you may not understand this, but now that I do, I can�t see how I
allowed myself to be so hateful before. We cannot control whether we are born
male or female, with light skin or dark, dark hair or fair, what color eyes we
will have, who our parents are, or whether or not we will have magical
abilities. We can�t control which abilities or talents we will ultimately be
strongest in or how we are raised. All we can do is the best with what we are
given. All we can do is try to be the best at being who we are. Muggle or
magical we are people. People who want to love and be loved, get good jobs,
raise decent families and someday die knowing we did our best.�

He nodded as she stopped, but said nothing.

When they had been quiet for another moment she spoke again, this time more to
herself than to him, as she looked to be lost in thought. �Take
Hermione. She never asked to be magical, or smart, or have that ridiculously
thick head of hair. She didn�t ask to be born to her parents, but she shouldn�t
have to be any more ashamed of them than we are of ours. She didn�t ask to be
Harry Potter�s best friend; it just worked out that way. And, she shouldn�t be
treated the way she�s been treated simply because of things she had no control
over. All it�s done is make her so insecure about herself that she feels she
has to compensate by being smarter. It�s like she constantly has to prove
herself. It�s almost sad really. Look at all the interviews people got with her
all summer. All they asked about was how she came up with various ideas and
such. No one asked her even once about her personal life, or if she even had
one. I know I wouldn�t trade places with her for anything. I mean she�s never
had time to just be a normal girl. Even her short-lived romance with Ron
Weasley was barely a blip on people�s radars. Like it wasn�t
worth noticing. Like she wasn�t worth noticing.
It�s no wonder she doesn�t see how pretty she is. Her entire self-worth is
wrapped up in whether or not she gets straight O�s, like it�s all she really
has. That and her books. I know what that�s like, to
lose yourself in reading so you don�t have to feel. Even her break up with Ron
last night barely made an impression. It�s almost as if she didn�t care.�

Draco stared at her. He knew Pansy wasn�t really talking to him, so much as
simply talking out loud, but the amount of information he was trying to
assimilate was becoming too much for him. He started to interrupt her when she
sighed heavily.

�She needs to do what I�m doing this year. Just try to be herself, let down her
guard, and see what happens. I think she�d be very surprised to see all the
changes it can bring. Just look at me. I�m doing it and�Oh!�

He held back his smile as he watched her realize how much she had said to him
and froze.

He leaned in and teased, �That was a very long answer to what I thought was a
rather simple question. But, thank you for your thoroughness.�

She stood nervously and paced away a bit, �Draco, I��

�It�s fine Pansy,� he smiled.

�No, it isn�t!� she gasped. Her eyes swam with tears as she cried, �I can�t
believe I just told you all of that. Oh God, she�ll never talk to me again.�

He took note of the students in the room that had stopped to watch and was
thankful only a few were there as most were in classes. With a beleaguered
sigh, he stood and placed his hand on her arm to still her nervous pacing,
�Would you calm down?�

�Calm down? CALM DOWN?!� She actually stamped her foot in frustration as her
hands balled into fists, �I not only talked about her behind her back, but I
just told you, YOU of all people!�

He stepped back as if slapped, �And, what do you mean by that?�

She laughed in her hysteria and paced away from him again, �She�s going to hex
me into little bits. And, Ginny, oh shit, Ginny! I�m a dead woman.�

Draco grabbed her arm again and whirled her to face him. �What exactly do you
think you�ve done to warrant your death? And, just what did you mean by me of
all people?!�

She looked up into his angry face and her tears began to fall even as she
pulled her arm away angrily. �I just pulled off the greatest coup in Hogwarts history!
In one fell swoop I killed any chance I have at a friendship with them, ruined
every plan I had for this year, and made your life worth living again. I hope
you�re extremely happy in your revenge against her, Draco, as I just gave you
everything you need to finally crush Hermione completely.�

Before he could stop her, she turned and fled up the stairs to her room. He
didn�t move until he heard her door slam above his head, the sound startling in
the sudden quiet of the room.

�Go back to what you were doing!� he barked at the third year students who had
stopped to stare. It gave him a moment of satisfaction when he watched them
pack up their things and practically fly from the room.

When was alone he fell back across the sofa in disbelief of what had just happened. Pansy�s words about Hermione floated around in his
head as he closed his eyes.

�no one is responsible for their birth�so
hateful before�who our parents are, or whether or not we will have magical
abilities�be the best at being who we are�want to love and be loved�she
shouldn�t be treated the way she�s been treated simply because of things she
had no control over� so insecure about herself�constantly has to prove
herself�never had time to just be a normal girl�like she wasn�t worth noticing�doesn�t
see how pretty she is�break up with Ron last night�be herself, let down her
guard, and see what happens�

Draco harrumphed as he realized that half of what Pansy said could have been about
him rather than just directed at him. He wondered yet again how much of what
she�d said were her own thoughts and how much had come from the counseling
they�d had all summer. Then Theo�s words came back to him and he realized he
agreed with the quiet man. Sometimes you have to go with your feelings, so
maybe Pansy�s feelings were her own. She certainly appeared to believe them
quite strongly.

And, was Grang�Hermi�Grang�SHE really all those things Pansy had said? He
couldn�t adjust the picture in his head of her to see
insecurity. Honestly, how could she not see how she looked? Didn�t she own a
mirror? And, what on earth did she feel she had to prove to anyone? She�d
helped end the war and take down Voldemort. What did she care what others
thought of her anyway? In all the years he known her she�d never backed down
from him. Draco�s own voice flitted through his mind �mudblood�keep that bushy head
down�bucktoothed�know-it-all� And, then Pansy�s once more �your revenge against her�crush her
completely.

�I wouldn�t,� he said to himself aloud. �Not anymore.�

Draco didn�t hear the other man come in and nearly fell off the sofa when Theo
asked from behind him, �You wouldn�t what?�

�Theo!�

�Draco,� Theo smiled. �Now that we know who we are, what wouldn�t you
do?�

Later he would wonder what had made him answer, but just then he couldn�t stop
his sigh of, �Purposely hurt Hermi�Granger.�

Theo sat down stiffly next to Draco, �And, why, may I ask, would you be
contemplating that?�

Draco shook his head, �It�s not what you think. It was just something Pansy
said.�

�Oh? What was that?�

Draco looked over and then away, �Nothing. Just some stuff about how I�ve
treated her in the past.�

�Pansy?� Theo looked confused.

�No, Hermi�Granger. Never mind,
Theo.� Draco ran his hands through his hair and sat up a bit straighter,
�So, what are you doing here?�

Theo shrugged, �Dropping off some books now that I know what classes I actually
have today. And, you?�

�Same. What classes do you have?�

For the next few minutes they compared schedules and spoke of why they�d
selected certain ones. When they realized they still had some time before they
would have to leave for Arithmancy, a class they shared, the conversation
turned more personal. Without meaning to they began to compare their summer
counseling sessions.

Draco began to see that his hadn�t really been all that different than anyone
else�s; he and his mother had simply been more difficult students. He wondered
if they�d been more cooperative if they might have been allowed visitors, as
Theo�s family had. Maybe that would have made a difference; if they hadn�t felt
so isolated. But, who would have come to pay a call? During their three trips
to Diagon Alley no one had approached them or even
acknowledged their existence. They had been openly shunned by many of the same
people who had often enjoyed the hospitality of The Manor.

�I would have come, Draco. As would Pansy, Greg, and Blaise, I am sure,� Theo
assured him.

�Well, we�ll never know now, will we?� Draco asked philosophically. �And, it no
longer matters. It�s over.�

�Not completely,� Theo reminded him. �We still have our sessions with the
professors. I got the new one, Muggle Studies teacher, Peyton Mills. Should prove interesting. Who are you with?�

Draco inhaled sharply at the question and paled a bit. But, just as he opened
his mouth to spit out the name, Pansy came stomping back down the stairs. He
caught her eye and she stopped halfway down.

�Theo, excuse me for a moment,� he said as he got up without giving Theo an
answer. Draco held Pansy�s stare as he made his way across the room to her and
stepped up on the first step.

He took a breath and decided to do what everyone else seemed to be doing, say
what he felt. He kept his voice low and begged her with his eyes to believe his
words.

�I am not the person I was, Pansy. I have no wish to hurt anyone. And, I would
never betray the confidence of someone I call my friend. I may not really know
who I am anymore, but I do know who I am not. Your secrets, and hers, are safe
with me.�

Pansy stared at him for a moment before she nodded slowly, �Thank you, Draco.�

He smiled and offered his hand, �Come on. Let�s get you to class.�

She nodded and looked over his shoulder to see Theo join them.

The dark haired man�s voice was soft as he said, �You may not know who you are,
Draco, but I think I will like you a lot more now. And, if you give yourself a
chance, I think you will start to like you, too.�

Draco�s eyes widened as Theo looked back at him calmly and Pansy nodded. To
cover his momentary discomfort he nodded once in acceptance, but said, �So, we
should get going.�

Both smiled at him before they turned and headed out to class.

xxxxxx

Author�s Responses:
Thank you all once again. You have made me very happy!!

ally
: Thank you, hon. I am really glad you like it.

dragonsgirl: Thanks in advance for my Christmas
Draco. lol� And,
I am really glad you like Pansy and the gang. I originally planned a straight Dramione, but Pansy wouldn�t stay out of it. lol Thank you!

mandy: You made m e smile! Thank you. I love that you
love it.

��

kazfeist: Glad you liked the Theo/Parvati coupling. I
have no idea where it came from , but I wasn�t going
to keep those two crazy kids apart. Ha ha ha Blaise has a lot to work through�Hugs to you!

Jullsy:
This chapter is all Draco and his thoughts. I promise they are coming together,
but remember it�s only the second day of school. Lol Thank you!

��

Dreamweaver:
Man, you are too good to me!! Thank you. Your reactions are exactly the same as
mine as I wrote it. In many ways the characters wrote it themselves and I was
just the conduit. So, I got to see it unfold much like you are seeing it. lol �And, if I thought
you could help him, I would send Blaise straight to you. ;-) �I think it registered with everyone that
Hermione looked different, too. It�s just they wouldn�t say anything. And, yes, innocent Draco and Hermione. This story gets them
to find love and maybe a little�ahem. The next gets them to�ahem! A lot! lol

bLondpierogi: Thank you!! I hope you like this one as
much as the last.
- 12
- 13
- 14
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Struggling Through New Beginnings