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One Life Ends…	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 47411 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 3
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Chapter List
- 12
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Chapter 12

Standing out in the area that was something of a courtyard
created between the buildings of his home, Harry had his face turned up to the
pouring rain, eyes shut, letting the water pelt his face. It was one of the rare heavy thunderstorms
that hit this area during the summer and the water had a slight chill to it
from the wind that drove it. No, scratch
that, it wasn’t that the water was cold, it was more like it was so hot
earlier, before the storm, that the water felt chilled. Either way, Harry liked the feel of it
pelting his face and body. It seemed to
help him think more clearly as he tried to sort through everything that was swirling around in his mind.

It was the beginning of August and he, Snape and Lucius were
back in France
for a couple days so he could handle a few things before taking off to
somewhere else. Where
that was, none of them were sure yet, they were still trying to decide. Right now, from what they had discussed, it
was a toss-up between Switzerland
and Italy. From the sounds of everyone’s leanings, it
was probably going to be Italy
but Switzerland
had its merits as well. But that wasn’t
what had him outside thinking.

The problem was that, in three weeks, Lucius and Severus were going to go back
to Britain
so they could get ready for the school year.
Though, initially, for him, he wasn’t sure about the other two wizards,
this was going to be nothing more than a summer fling that he was going to
thoroughly enjoy, the realism was, he didn’t want it
to end. No, he wasn’t head over heels in
love with the two but there was a connection between them that the thought of
them going home and not seeing them again bothered him greatly. But that wasn’t the only problem.

Honestly, for years, he had hid under the persona of Jay
without much of a problem other than a pang of longing here and there about
wanting to be himself fully once more. Most times, that was easily put to rest after
a short time. But now, well, that wasn’t
the case. Now, the longing to go back
and be around all those that he cared about was so strong that he was finding
it very hard to fight off. Not only
that, but he wanted Severus and Lucius to know who they were really dealing
with. Sure, Jay was him when it came to
personality and all that, but just who he was and the details of his past were
things they didn’t know. But he wanted
them to. He wanted them to know it was
Harry they were with so that he could fully enjoy this the way he wanted
without feeling like he was hiding anything or being dishonest. Really, with what they were sharing right
now, they deserved to know who he really was.

Sure, he knew that they understood that Jay wasn’t his real
name. They had asked about that a couple
times and he had just told them to call him Jay, that
was the name he was comfortable with. No,
he never told anyone that was his name, he always made sure to say call him that, not
that it was his name. However, he wanted
them to know who they were spending time with but he wasn’t sure how they would
react to it.

At this point, he knew that his glamour had slipped slightly from time to time
and they had gotten glimpses of some things, he just wasn’t sure what they had
seen was all. Maybe they had an idea of
who he was but he didn’t know. If they
didn’t, he wasn’t all that sure of what their reaction to the whole thing would
be.

Severus, because they had done a bunch of fence mending before he had vanished,
he didn’t think would take it badly.
Sure, he might be upset by the deception, or what he perceived as that,
when it came to the whole thing, but he thought he would be able to work with
it. Lucius, however, was a whole other
matter entirely.

With the history between him and the elder Malfoy, he wasn’t sure how the man would
take the fact that he had been so close and sharing a bed with Harry
Potter. Honestly though, even after all
this time of being with him, he still found it to be the height of irony that
he was doing ANYTHING willingly with Lucius.
After all, he had hated the man with a passion. Hell, he had despised him almost as much as
he did Voldemort and he was the final straw in him leaving Britain. Now, however, he saw him much
differently. No, in the past, he didn’t
know him well, just his snarky, superior attitude and the fact that he was the
father of his most hated school rival.
But now, well, he realized that he had gotten to know him and, like
Severus had said, he had changed, a lot.
Sure, the superior attitude and aristocratic air was still there but he
found the man to be a lot of fun to be around and liked talking to him. He was, from what he found, knowledgeable on
so many things that he was fun to discus things with. Nor did he put on the snobbish air that he
did with so many, making it enjoyable to be around him. That confused him to a point but he, though
he wasn’t entirely sure why, was
willing to stay around him and go on how they had. However, he wasn’t sure that Lucius would
feel the same if he knew who he really was.

Sighing deeply and swiping at the water that was running
into his eyes, though that was a worthless endeavor as the downpour continued,
Harry let the glamour he had kept up for so long now drop. Standing there, he was trying desperately to
come up with what to do about the situation.
But he didn’t have the first clue about that. On one hand, he thought that he should tell
them before this went any further but, on the other hand,
he was reluctant to do so for fear of ending it. But, honestly, it was more complicated than
that.

On his end, he adored being with the two and liked what they
had together. Though he wasn’t ‘in love’
with them, he did have feelings of a kind for both of them. It also appeared, from the way they acted and
things they said, that those feelings were returned. What was complicating things was something
that they had mentioned. Yes, their time
together was growing short as the looming start of the school year at Hogwarts
drew closer and they all knew that. Over
the last week or so, both Lucius and Severus had brought up, both together and
separately, the idea of him coming back to Britain and setting up there so that
things could continue on. No, they
hadn’t wanted to define what the relationship was or how it would continue on,
but it was obvious that they wanted things to keep going at least the way they
were. For him, that idea held more
appeal than he would have thought. In
fact, part of him was ready to jump at the chance and drop everything here then
go. However, that brought up a whole other
set of problems and he knew it.

If he were to go back ‘home’ then there was no way he wanted
to keep up the Jay façade. He couldn’t
be home without going to see all those that meant so much to him. Sure, in public, he wanted to hide who he was
so he was left alone, but he couldn’t force himself to not tell all those he
cared about and felt the same for him that he was around and where he was. It was hard enough doing that now, where he
was, he couldn’t do it if he were home.
But the rub was also that it was bound to come out that Harry Potter was
back, then it was going to slip at some point where he
was and the hell would come once more.
That he didn’t know if he could handle.

Right now, he was so used to just being Jay and being left
alone to live his life as he saw fit that he wasn’t sure if he could go back to
that straight jacket and deal with the shit that came along with it. But, being truthful with himself, part of him
wanted to go back and would deal with it if it meant that things could continue
on with Lucius and Severus. However, he
didn’t think that could happen until he told them just who he was.

Shaking his head vigorously, as though he were getting water
out of his hair, he tried to focus and decide what he was going to do. Really, he had a couple weeks yet before he
had to make a decision but this was something that was life changing enough
that he wanted to deal with it now, not at the last minute. Plus, honestly, Lucius and Severus deserved
for him to make a decision and drop the bomb on them before it was time for
them to go. That left him in the
quandary of what he needed to do about it and how he felt on the issues.

This was so complicated!
Really, he hadn’t thought that things would go this far when he started
seeing either of them but now he had to deal with it as it stood. First thing he had to sort out was if he was
willing to do this. Though that should
have been among the most complex of issues that he had to deal with, and one
that required the most thought, the answer came quickly enough; he did. Though confused about everything and all it
would entail, the truth was he adored what was going on between the three of
them and wanted the chance to see where it would lead in the future. That couldn’t happen if he wasn’t willing to
give it a go and change some things.
However, that made the whole issue very complicated. Before he delved into the complex mess that
would involve if he did accept, he had one other thing to work out first.

For it to even start to progress that way both Lucius and
Severus had to be told who he was. It
wasn’t fair to them to not know if this was going to be taken up a notch. That
was going to be as hard, if not more so, than the whole moving back part. He knew, to an extent, that he had deceived
them by not telling them upfront that he was Harry Potter. However, he had gone out of his way to ensure
that he never lied about that part. When
they wanted to talk about things like when he was at Hogwarts or would bring up
‘Harry’, he would ask them not to talk about it or change the subject so that
he wasn’t put in a position where he had to lie. No, he never gave a reason why he did that, just that he didn’t want to talk about it. Now he had to ‘fess up to the whole thing and
tell them. He wasn’t sure how they would
take it either.

Looking down, his shoulders slumped, he made a
decision. Before they went back to
traveling how they had planned, he was going to tell them. Then he would go from there after he saw
their reaction.

Glancing up at a lightning strike over the ocean, he sighed deeply, not sure
how to go about this. He just needed to
think for a while longer was all then he would come up with something. At least he hoped he would.

Standing out on the walkway in front of the room they were
all in that night, Severus and Lucius watched the young man that they had both
grown very fond of since meeting him initially, puzzled by his behavior.

“Now, I wonder what our young man is doing out there in a
downpour like this?
He knows enough to come in out of the rain,” Lucius pondered out loud.

“From my observations, I think he has had a lot to think
about since we proposed he come back with us,” Severus told him quietly, eyes
locked on the being they knew as Jay.

“Hmm… I believe you may be right old friend. I wonder, though, if this means he is about
to give up who he really is to us and all the things he has been hiding,”
Lucius said, leaning on the railing, eyes locked on the young man.

“Probably,” Severus nodded.
“I don’t think, for him, any of this is an easy decision and he must be
trying to work it out.” Honestly, the
potions master figured out long ago that Jay was here to hide from the world he
had left behind, and some of his mannerisms, the way he talked and what he
didn’t want to hear or discuss gave him some clues as to who this might be but
he had kept that to himself. If this was
the being that he was thinking he was, then he could full well understand why
he was doing it.

Since their time in Paris,
he had kept a closer eye on the young man and paid more attention to things
when they talked about the past or when his glamour slipped. No, he didn’t really care anymore what Jay
might be hiding or who he really was, since he liked him just the way he was,
but he was curious about it as anyone would expect. From those observations melded with things in
the past, he thought he might have a good guess as to who this was. If he was right, and this was Harry Potter
like he suspected, he could easily and fully understand why the young man
didn’t want to reveal who he was. No, to
him it wouldn’t make any difference if he was correct or not, he liked Jay for
himself but he didn’t want the young man to be burdened with thinking that he
would be rejected if he revealed himself.
However, he didn’t know how to go about telling him that either.

On the other hand, if he was correct as to whom this was, he
wasn’t sure how Lucius would react to it. Sure, over the years since the war,
his friend had changed a great deal, more than most people realized, but he
didn’t know if he could handle the fact that this might be Harry Potter so he
had kept his suspicions to himself about that.

“That, old friend, I understand,” Lucius sighed with a
nod. “Whatever he is hiding from us must
be big or he thinks that we can’t handle it.
After all, if he wasn’t hiding from something, he probably wouldn’t have
sequestered himself in this place like he has.
If there is one place that no one asks questions of you, it’s here. But it is a tantalizing mystery, is it not?”

“That it is. However,
for him, it must be hard. As is the
offer we brought up. He left Britain
for a reason, though I know not what it is, and to think about going back there
must be something difficult to ponder,” Severus told him softly, eyes still
locked on the young man. “We’ve, I feel,
turned his life upside down in a way he probably didn’t expect.”

“True,” Lucius conceded.
“But, I do believe, he has done the same for us. I can say, from my end, that is what happened. I think it is from yours as well.”

“It has,” Severus nodded.
“But, I think, for him its worse.”

“Possibly,” Lucius replied with a shrug of his
shoulders. Glancing out the corners of
his eyes at Severus, he asked, quietly, “You have an idea as to who he is and
what he is hiding don’t you?”

“I might have an inkling, yes,”
Severus nodded. “But since I’m not sure
and have no real proof, what I feel on the topic I will be keeping to myself.”

“I believe I understand,” Lucius said with a nod then focused
back on the young man standing in the downpour.
“One of us needs to go get him out of the rain before he catches
something from the chill. That would
most assuredly put a damper on our plans.”

“True,” Severus said, standing up. “I’ll go get him. Why don’t you make sure the fire is going and
get some towels.”

“It’ll be handled,” Lucius said, straightening up then walking back into the
room.

After putting an Impervious on himself, Severus went down
the stairs then over to the young man.
Standing behind him, he said, softly so as not to startle him, “If you
don’t come in, you’re going to get sick Jay.”

Nodding, Harry said nothing, trying to decide what to
do. His glamour was down right now and
if he turned around Severus would see who he really was. However, he was also thinking that this might
be the perfect time to do this. That way
it would be done and over with then he could deal with the fall out from it.

Brow slightly furrowed, Severus asked, “Why are you standing
in the rain anyway? Is something
troubling you?”

“I’ve been thinking about some things, trying to come to a
decision,” Harry told him quietly.

Nodding, Severus thought he understood then asked, “Is this
about our offer for you to come back?”

“Yes, that’s part of it,” Harry said then stopped, turning his face back up to
the rain. “But it’s more complicated
than that.”

“That is something I assumed,” Severus nodded. “Jay…” he started then trailed off, not sure
how to go about what he wanted to say or impart to the young man.

Deciding that this was it and the time that he was going to
do it, Harry dropped his head then sighed before saying, “I’m sure you’ve
figured out by now that my real name isn’t Jay.”

“I assumed,” Severus replied, looking at the back of his wet head wondering
where the young man was going with this and if he was going to start to reveal
the mystery.

“It’s actually my middle initial,” Harry chuckled
ironically. “I guess you could say I’m
hiding from the world and that’s the name I took on to do that.” Stopping, he tried to figure out how to keep
going with this and just what to say.

“Just tell me. Once
it’s out in the open, we’ll work with it from there. All along Lucius and I assumed you were
hiding from something, we just weren’t sure what it was. Though I may have an
inkling as to what it is, I want to be sure before I say anything.” Putting a hand on the young man’s shoulder,
he gave it a reassuring squeeze then said, “I won’t reject you Jay.”

“My name is Harry,” Harry finally said, voice strong though,
inside, he was nervous as hell. “As in Harry Potter.”
Stopping, he turned around to face his old potions master for the first
time without the glamour. Looking into
those dark eyes, he waited for the reaction that was coming, not sure what it would
be.

Looking into those eyes, the ones that so
reminded him of Lily, for the first time in 10 years Severus was rendered
speechless. Sure, he had thought
that’s who Jay was but the confirmation stunned him. But, in those eyes, he could see the stress
and uneasiness, something he didn’t like.
Understanding that the young man was fearing
rejection, he reached out and ran his long fingers through the mass of wet hair
on his head then leaned forward and kissed him on that famous lightning bolt
scar that still marred his forehead, even though the being that had given it to
him was long dead. After that, he pulled
him into his arms and just held him. “I
thought it might be you but couldn’t be sure and didn’t want to say anything.”
Lowering his voice, he said, “It doesn’t matter Harry, I’m not going anywhere.”

Clinging to him, Harry just nodded, not saying anything, breathing an internal
sigh of relief. Then, after a minute
or so, he said, “I didn’t know how to tell either of you. I guess I was afraid you would both reject
the whole thing if you found out who I was.
I’ve been hiding for so long that I just didn’t know how to tell you or
if I should.”

“I, better than most, can appreciate that,” Severus told him
with a nod. “But it doesn’t change anything
for me. I can now understand your
reluctance to go home.” After a minute
or so, he pulled back and looked down at Harry, “We need to get you inside and
dried off before you get sick.”

Nodding, Harry sighed, “Yeah and it’s time to tell Lucius as well. Somehow I don’t think that he’s going to take
it as well as you did.”

“I think it’ll probably be a shock to him, yes, but, given
some time to think it over, he’ll come around,” Severus said. Slipping an arm around his waist, he began to
lead Harry towards the room they were residing in, elated and relieved that the
whole thing was finally out in the open.

Once up on the walkway before they got to the room, the
house elf popped into view with towels for Harry. Taking one with a nod, Severus handed it to
the young man who began to dry his hair off with it as they continued on to the
room. Smirking, he led Harry inside then
stopped, looking at Lucius.

Turning to face the two, the blonde smirked at them. “Done trying to drown yourself
Jay? Why ever would you want to stand
out in the rain anyway? You can catch
your death that way.”

“I had some stuff to think about and the rain helps
sometimes,” Harry told him, rubbing his hair with the towel. Thinking this was as good of a time as any to
get this over with, he pulled the towel off then
looked at Lucius, waiting for his reaction.

Unlike Severus, Lucius hadn’t had any inkling who Jay might be.
Sure, he understood that the young man was hiding from something and
using glamour to disguise his looks in some way but, beyond that, he didn’t
have the faintest idea of what his real identity might be. Standing there, his mouth hung open in a very
un-Malfoyish way as he stared at Harry Potter, his
mind unable to assimilate that this being and Jay were the same one. Swallowing thickly, he tried to comprehend
what he was seeing but couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he found his voice and said, “I
cannot believe this.”

Sighing, Harry nodded, “I’ll understand if you can’t Lucius.” Really, though he wanted the blonde to accept
it, he could understand if he couldn’t.

After a glance at Severus, who seemed to be very comfortable
with the whole thing, arm still around the young man, Lucius looked back at
Harry then said, “I need time to think about this. I’m going to go for a walk then will be back
shortly.” Grabbing his cloak and cane,
he stepped out of the room then went down the stairs before vanishing out front
to take a walk down the beach after casting an Impervious on himself.
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