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Wands and Wheezes	By : auntlynnie Category: Harry Potter > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 40172 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: Anti-Litigation Charm: Sadly, I don't own any part of the Harry Potter franchise. Nor do I own any canon characters, locations, or situations. I make no money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
Much thanks to my talented beta, Jen (UnseenLibrarian)!

The next day, Fred and George were chatting over lunch. “Well, Fred, d’you reckon you’d be willing to help me with Hermione’s birthday present this year?”

“Of course. What do you need? Do you need my opinion?

“Not exactly.”

“So…”

George hesitated. While he was excited to make the invitation, he wasn’t quite sure how to word it. Every other time they had shared a witch, it had been a spur-of-the-moment thing. They hadn’t had to discuss it. It hadn’t meant as much as this did.

He cleared his throat. “You know that Hermione is an unconventional witch, yeah?”

Fred looked at his brother, confused. “Yeah, but what does that have to do with her birthday gift?”

“You know how she’s always surprising us?”

“Of course, but, George, could you stick to one topic?” Fred asked, exasperated.

“I am. Since it’s the first birthday gift I’m giving her since we got together, I asked her what she’d like.”

“Novel approach, Georgie, You asked her for gift ideas? Right romantic bloke, you are. Did she appreciate it, or did she hex your bollocks off?”

“Hey I didn’t want to fall into a rut, like her friends. Did you know that Ron and Harry give her the same thing every year?

“Pathetic!” Fred mumbled.

“Exactly. I don’t want to be as hopeless as those two, so I asked her for some ideas. She’s a practical girl; she didn’t mind.”

“Really? So, did she give you a list?”

“Yeah, but the list only had one thing on it.”

“Sounds about right – she usually knows what she wants… but it doesn’t give you much leeway, and it certainly eliminates the element of surprise.”

“She asked me for something Little Ronnie would never give her in a million years, and I’m quite sure there will be some surprise involved.”

“That doesn’t really narrow it down much, does it?” He paused, “What did she ask for… a good rogering?” Fred started laughing at his joke. When he realized that George hadn’t joined in, he looked at his brother, quizzically.

“Georgie?”

George cleared his throat. “She actually asked for something I can’t give her without help.”

“What does that mean? C’mon, you’re scaring me. Just tell me.”

George shifted in his seat and cleared his throat again. “We don’t have any secrets, right?”

“Right.” Fred answered, drawing the syllable out.

“Well, What Hermione asked for… what she wants… is… you.”

Fred spluttered, “Wha-?”

“To put a finer point on it, she’s asked for us. All three of us. Together.”

Fred was staring at his brother open-mouthed. After he regained a modicum of composure, he whispered, “Fuckin’ ’ell. Seriously?”

George laughed. “Seriously.” He calmed down, and asked, “Well?”

Fred considered his brother for a long moment. “I have some questions, first.”

“I figured. Go on, then.”

“This is different from the other times, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it’s different.”

“I mean, you really like Hermione, and you’re serious about her.”

“Yeah, I do. I am.”

Fred hesitated. “Don’t be angry, but I think I feel the same.”

“I thought you might.”

Fred chuckled. “Why do we even try to keep anything from each other?”

George grinned. “I really don’t know. Any more questions?”

“Yeah, but I’m not really sure how to word it.”

“Just go ahead and ask. I promise I won’t get angry.”

“This wouldn’t be just a one-off, would it?”

“We didn’t discuss it in that much detail, but my instincts tell me no.”

“Why do you think that?”

“I know you, and I also know Hermione. I know with a good deal of certainty that out of respect for me, she’s not revealed that she feels more for you than she’s let on. If we’re not willing or able to make it work – the three of us – I’m sure she’d be willing to stay with me, and we could be happy. However, I’m also pretty sure that she would be happier with both of us. You and I are perfect complements to each other, and I think that’s what would make her happiest – I think she appreciates both halves of the whole that is The Weasley Twins. It’s unconventional, sure, but not unheard of.”

Fred sat back in his chair. “A triad?”

“Exactly.”

“And this is something she wants? She wants a triad? Is she ready for the controversy?”

“I’m not sure what she knows about triads. She probably doesn’t realize that whilst uncommon, they’re not unprecedented, and that there is a place for them in our society. I think her heart – and maybe her magic – is pulling her in this direction, and she’s following her instincts for a change.”

“D’you reckon we should get her some reference material? She’ll have questions, you know.”

“That’s not a bad idea. So… is that a ‘yes’?”

“Of course it is. You knew it would be before you even asked, you big prat.”

George laughed. “Yeah, I did. Well, I’m going over to Flourish and Blotts to see what they might have on the topic.”

“You really think they’ll have something on triads there?”

“Maybe not specifically on triads, but they probably have something on wizarding marriage customs.”

“Okay. I’ll watch the store. You go on over to the bookshop. If Flourish and Blotts doesn’t have anything, you should try Obscurus Books. They may have something in their storefront.”

~*°*~

George went to Flourish and Blotts. While he found several books on wizarding marriage customs, to his chagrin, none of the books had any mention of triads. He left the store, muttering, “Hmpf. Figures. That shop is far too mainstream. Wouldn’t want the kiddies to get any ideas, now, would we?”

He walked down to Obscurus Books and searched their selection, most of which were textbooks. Not finding anything appropriate, he approached the shop girl. “Good afternoon. Do you have any books on wizarding marriage customs?”

The girl looked at him through her thick glasses and twirled a lock of hair flirtatiously. “We have a few, but they’re pretty obscure.”

George laughed. “Well, isn’t that the whole point? This is Obscurus Books, isn’t it?”

The girl laughed along with him. “You know, I don’t know that I ever made that connection.” She shrugged, continuing, “Hang on. Let me look for those books.” She went behind the counter into what looked like a stock room of sorts. After about five minutes, she returned. George snapped to attention.

“Find anything?”

“Oh, yes. I found these three books. Would any of them be suitable?”

George skimmed the table of contents and index of each of the books, and the third book had an entire section on triads and triadic marriage. Scanning that section confirmed that it was the most informative book he’d seen to date on the topic. “I’ll take this one. How much?”

“That one is twenty-seven galleons.”

George counted out the coins, “Here you go. Thanks so much for the help.”

“You’re welcome. Come again… any time.”

“Yeah, well, have a good day, then.” George said, turning around and leaving the shop.

He returned to his own shop in an excellent mood. “Fred! Where are you?”

His brother’s head poked out from an upper floor. “Right here! So, did you find anything?”

“Unsurprisingly, I found nothing at Flourish and Blotts. I was successful at Obscurus, however,” he said with a satisfied grin, waving his purchase in the air.

“So let’s see it, then. I’ll meet you in the workshop. Verity is here, and it’s quiet, so we should be fine for a few minutes.”

Fred came downstairs, George wended his way through the aisles, and they met at the door to their workshop. Opening the door, Fred shifted his weight eagerly from one foot to the other in anticipation. “Come on, let’s have a look.”

Entering together, they sat at the worktable, and George unwrapped the book. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so excited about a book, Freddie.”

“Maybe I’ve never had anything this important in the balance. Hurry up!”

George finished removing the wrappings and handed the book to his brother.

“The History of Wizarding Courtships and Marriage Traditions. Sounds both dreadfully dull and perfect. Did it cost a bomb?”

“Not bad – only twenty-seven galleons.”

“Practically a pittance. Did you get to read any of it?”

“I skimmed. They had three texts, and this was the best of the lot. Take a look.” George waited as Fred did a cursory read of the section on Triadic marriages.

“Georgie, this is perfect! It should answer even all of Hermione’s questions!”

“I thought so, too. So, how do we go about this?”

“What is she expecting?”

“Surprisingly, we didn’t discuss it in detail. Her birthday is on the nineteenth, and in a few days, it’ll be the first. She’ll need to post that her shop will be closed for holiday in the Prophet and Quibbler, so folks’ll know not to expect her to be open, but she shouldn’t need more than a few days’ notice. It’s not like grown witches and wizards have much need of a wand shop most of the year. I think we could go as early as next weekend.”

“So have you planned a location yet? Procured a Portkey?”

“Actually, I have.”

Fred’s eyes widened. “Where to?”

George smirked, pleased to have surprised his twin. “I think I’ll leave that to surprise.”

“Georgie…” Fred whined, trying to persuade his brother to spill the beans. “How will I know what to bring?”

“Stop being such a woman! It’s a holiday. It’s mid-September. We may be going somewhere warm, or we may be going somewhere cool. It’s only a week. Pack enough for all contingencies.”

“Seriously? You’re not going to tell me?”

“Seriously. I want it to be a surprise.”

“Gah! I can’t believe you!”

“Believe it,” George said, smugly.

~*°*~

While the boys were plotting, Hermione was pacing the floor of her lounge, berating herself.

“How could I blurt that out like that? What must he think of me? Oh God… will he think I’m just any slag who would want to be with two blokes at the same time? What sort of woman wants that? What sort of woman am I?

“Ugh… but… then, there’s George and Fred. Fred and George. How could you split them up? How could you choose? They’re each so wonderful… but together, they’re… what’s the expression? Oh yes – ‘the whole is greater than the sum of the parts’ or something like that. That’s totally true. I always feel better when I’m with George, and when I’m with both of them, I feel like I could fly.” She laughed. “Yeah, even I could fly with the two of them. And I have. Maybe that’s partly why the broom trial went as well as it did. I wonder if it would’ve gone as well with only George. Curious.”

As her self-berating turned to thoughtful musing, she heard an owl at the window. She got up to let it in, and recognized it as Fred and George’s pretty Tawny Owl. “Hello, Loki. What do you have for me, there?”

She removed the note from the owl’s jesses and handed it a treat from a bowl on the mantel. As he ate the snack, she opened the letter, and when she was finished, she had a huge grin on her face. She ran to her desk, writing a notice to send to the papers about her upcoming holiday. Finished, she looked up to see Loki still waiting on the perch. She walked over and gave his head an affectionate rub.

“Loki – would you be willing to deliver these letters to the Daily Prophet and the Quibbler, please?” The owl leaned into her hand and gave a soft hoot. “Thank you!” She attached the letters to his jesses and he flew away. Evidently, her holiday with two men was all planned.

She ran to the loo just in time to vomit.

Once she cleaned her teeth and her breathing returned to normal, she realized she needed to know what to pack, but she was feeling quite shy about contacting the twins, not knowing exactly how they felt about her request. If Fred answered her Floo call, she might just vomit again, and who knows what would happen if you vomited into the Floo?

Ugh. She would just have to plan for all contingencies. That’s what undetectable extension charms are for! In her nervousness and excitement, she sat down to make a list of everything she might need for her trip.

“Hmmm… if I bring items that can be layered or worn alone, I could be ready for both warm and cool climes. A couple of cardigans, a few dresses – they had better plan on going dancing – some walking shoes and my black pumps, and I should be set. Oh! What about lingerie?” Her stomach did a quick swoop, and she took a steadying breath.

“I think I’ll get some new pieces. No reason not to have fun teasing them, right?” She paused, shaking the tension out of her shoulders. “Right! No more feeling shy or unsure, Hermione Granger! They agreed to this, so they must want it too. No more apologies for wanting what you want. No more feeling embarrassed. You havetwo wizards who want to be with you. Two! No more indecision. You’ve made your request, and they’ve responded. Affirmatively. Just have fun. Stop overthinking! If you don’t, you’ll have paralysis by analysis, and that’s never fun – you should know!”

Pep talk over, she stood and took her list to the closet in her bedroom. She methodically made piles of clothing she would need for a week’s holiday. She made five piles: trousers, shorts, short-sleeved tops, long-sleeved tops, and jumpers and cardigans. She carefully packed them all away in her magically expanded luggage, making sure there was room for knickers, bras, and lingerie.

Belatedly, she mused, “Hmmm… I didn’t pack any sleepwear.” She went over to that drawer, but stopped herself. A wicked grin played across her face. “I don’t need any.” A shiver ran through her, and she found herself wishing it was time for the Portkey already.

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Wands and Wheezes