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Matters of the Heart	By : strawberryf1re Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 34556 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe (characters, settings, etc.) ŠJ.K. Rowling. No profits are made from this work.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Rating: M – inappropriate for readers under the age of 16; contains scenes of explicit sexuality and violence.

Disclaimer: Characters and settings ©J.K. Rowling

Matters of the Heart

K. Marie

Chapter 13

Hermione watched Severus leave from the dungeons quickly, and she suspected he intended to speak with Dumbledore. She couldn't help but find herself assuming the usual House-born prejudices – she suspected it would have been one of the more flirtatious Slytherin girls, or a Hufflepuff who was afraid of losing her boyfriend.

She quietly closed the office door behind her and made her way towards the Gryffindor common room. The dungeon halls were empty, and to no surprise to the Head Girl; it was getting late in the evening and the students were probably tucked away in their dormitories or common rooms, finishing homework. It would be the first evening in some days that she would spend in her own quarters, though she of course stopped by every day to ensure Crookshanks had everything he needed, and to cuddle with the cat for a few moments while collecting items for class.

Mumbling the password, Hermione climbed through the portrait hole and appeared within the common room. Some younger students were strewn about the furniture, some sprawled out on the floor, completely involved in schoolwork, probably finishing up some last-minute homework assignments due in the next day or two before holidays. She peered around, searching for her friends.

She recognized the backside of Ginny Weasley, who was positioned provocatively on her boyfriend's lap, and it was quite obvious they were snogging. Hermione smiled to herself as she moved passed them and found Ron, not too far away, chatting noisily with another Gryffindor girl Hermione couldn't recall the name of.

"Oi, Hermione!" Ron smiled, scooting over on the couch to let her sit down. "Gettin' in late?"

"Quite," Hermione replied. "I don't mean to interrupt—"

"Oh, no, it's quite fine, Hermione," replied the girl. "Ron was just helping me with the homework Huxley assigned."

"Oh? Well, I'd definitely hate to get in the way of that!" Hermione replied, standing from the couch. Ron touched her hand and pulled her back down.

"It's fine, 'Mione, really. We're just about done anyway," Ron replied, rolling his eyes. "Just relax a second."

Hermione leaned back on the couch, folding her hands across her belly as she waited for Ron to finish his tutoring. If you can call it that. She thought, smirking to herself.

It wasn't another five minutes before Ron was finished, and the girl hopped off to be with her friends. Hermione sat up straight next to the red-headed Keeper.

"Oi, mate!" Ron called to Harry, interrupting his snog-session with Ginny. "Come over here, Hermione's actually here."

Harry and Ginny came over to sit with Hermione and Ron. "It's good to see you, Hermione," Ginny said, hugging her friend gently. "It's like I only ever see you if you're at lunch!"

"Yeah," Hermione agreed. "I've just got a lot of work, you know. But anyway, I wanted to talk to you guys about something." Hermione's voice hushed, and as if on cue, her friends leaned their heads in close to hers.

"When I was putting my materials away today, I noticed that a lot of ingredients were missing from Professor Snape's stores," Hermione whispered. "It's not the first time this has happened, either! I told him, and of course he is infuriated – but you won't believe what ingredients are missing."

"What's missing?" Harry prompted.

"Raspberry leaves, terrestris root, an Ashwinder egg…" Hermione replied. Her friends' blank expressions told her they had no idea the significance of that statement, and she released a disapproving 'tut' before elaborating. "Those are ingredients for Fertili Augmenta." This did not seem to enlighten her friends at all, and she sighed, exasperatedly. "A fertility potion!"

Ginny choked. "What? Really? Are you sure? "

"Only as sure as I can be, honestly," Hermione replied. "But it's the only thing that makes sense. Professor Snape went down to Professor Dumbledore's office right before I left to tell him."

"I wonder what the professors are gonna do," Harry said. "Who do you think it is?"

Hermione shook her head. "I have no idea, Harry. Who would want to?"

"I bet it's one of the Slytherin girls," Ron said, his face wrinkled up in disgust. "Maybe it's Pansy."

"What, trying to rope Malfoy in?" Harry chuckled.

Ginny, who was always more involved in the going-ons of Hogwarts, interrupted. "They haven't been together in two years."

"Yeah, but I hear they still get busy," Ron cringed at the thought. "I saw them at the Three Broomsticks last Hogsmeade, and they were pretty cozy."

"That's right," Harry nodded. "I bet it is Pansy, hoping to ring Malfoy in next time they do it."

"I don't know about all of that," Ginny said, thoughtfully. "It's a possibility, of course, but she isn't that irrational."

"Ah, but you haven't known her nearly as long as we have," Harry replied, snaking an arm around his girlfriend's back. "I'm not sure what she wouldn't do to snag Malfoy."

Hermione leaned against the arm of the couch, resting on her elbow. She couldn't help but inspect the girls in the common room, attempting to identify if it could be any of them that pilfered Severus' stores. For the most part, the Gryffindor girls were all very well-behaved, respectful students – she couldn't see any of them perpetrating any such crime. But then, Hermione was rather biased, wasn't she?

"I'm sure the teachers will figure out how to handle the situation," Hermione said aloud.

She had been right. Just prior to the train's departure, Dumbledore sent a barrage of owls to the parents, with an alarming letter alerting the adults to the situation. Severus quietly lavished the situation as it meant a good deal of students would no doubt be forbidden to leave their homes, and instead would be forced to work on the assignments the teachers issued before break. Perhaps they would be better educated upon their return in January?

"Unlikely," he growled.

He was sitting in his office, awaiting his lover's arrival before they departed for the holidays. No doubt she was coming from the Great Hall, where she would have eaten breakfast with her friends before they departed for the Burrow.

His mind kept turning over the possibility of which student was the thief, pondering too what they could possibly gain from pregnancy. His suspicion eventually rested on Hermione, as shamed as he was to admit such; she was the only student who had full access to his stores, and she was also one of the only students competent enough to brew such a concoction.

The thought had occurred to the rest of the professors as well, and while Severus disregarded their suspicions, he knew he could not do so too convincingly or risk exposure of their secret. McGonagall was quick to Hermione's defense though, as she seemed to believe she knew her all too well, and knew that it was outside Hermione's character to do such a thing.

The thought of Hermione brewing a fertility potion for herself unnerved Severus, but he could not possibly imagine what benefit she would gain from becoming pregnant. He knew it was an irrational suspicion – Hermione was so concerned with her studies that to become pregnant would be devastating. And during such a time of war?

The door to his dungeon office creaked open and Hermione poked her head around the door. She spotted Severus and smiled, pushing the door open and heaving a backpack higher on her shoulder.

Severus stood from his desk, leaning to her to kiss her gently. He took her bag from her, his lips curling just slightly. "I assume these are all your things?"

"They are," Hermione nodded. "Sending out notices to parents – is that all the school is doing to handle the reagent theft?"

"Not entirely," Severus replied. "All students are under suspicion."

"…especially me, because I have complete access to your stores," Hermione sighed. "Severus, you know I didn't do it."

"Of course, I trust you, Hermione. But the other professors cannot be as certain as I, though Professor McGonagall was quite adamant to defend you," he responded, touching her face gently. He leaned down to kiss her. "Let us enjoy our vacation together."

Hermione nodded, and Severus led her to his quarters. He kissed her gently, asking, "Is there anything I can get for you before we leave?"

"No, Severus. I'm just looking forward to the holiday," Hermione smiled. She moved towards his bookshelves. "Is there any possibility we could bring some of your books?"

A knock sounded at the private entrance to Severus' rooms. Turning towards the door, he cast a glance over his shoulder. Hermione turned towards him, perplexed, her hand slowly lowering from the bookshelf to rest at her side.

"Just a moment." Severus turned from her.

Nodding, Hermione turned from him and moved towards his bedroom. She had no idea who would be contacting Severus right before the holiday, but she wanted to remain out of sight until they left, regardless. How inappropriate it would be if she were caught in Severus' private quarters! She understood Muggle culture well enough; it was not polite to venture into someone's bedroom uninvited. She only hoped the same was true for the Wizarding World!

Severus headed towards the door, the intermittent knocking continuing. Pulling open the door, he was very surprised at his guest. Standing in his long wizarding robes and silly pointed hat, Albus Dumbledore looked very tired.

"Headmaster?" Severus questioned, feigning slight surprise the best he could. To give away there was a student in his rooms simply would not do.

"Good morning, Severus," Dumbledore said quietly, his blue eyes lacking the customary twinkle. "I am very sorry to disturb you just before you're about to leave, but it appears you have a moment to spare. May I?" he gestured to enter Severus' rooms.

"Oh, yes, of course, Headmaster," Severus moved out of the way so the old wizard could enter. "It isn't an issue at all. I was just preparing to leave."

"Ah, good, good," Dumbledore nodded, taking a seat near the hearth.

"Would you like some tea, Headmaster?" Severus offered, still standing.

"That would be just lovely, Severus."

Severus turned quickly on his heel. It was fortunate he was able to pass his bedroom inconspicuously, as it was located on the way. Stepping into the bedroom for just a moment after checking to see Dumbledore was preoccupied in his sitting room, Severus touched Hermione's arm.

"It's Dumbledore." Severus said, quietly. "It is unlikely he will need to come in here, but to be safe..." He held his wand to her and whispered something barely audible, and she felt as though there was something cold trickling down her back. "Don't make a noise – he can't see you now."

Hermione nodded, though Severus had already left the room. He had cast a disillusionment charm on her, and though she knew it was not foolproof – there was a good chance that if she were to move at all, Dumbledore would know, were he to enter the room – she knew it was their best option to conceal her presence there.

Severus entered his kitchen to brew some tea. Shortly thereafter, he returned to the living room, where Dumbledore remained, staring into the fire.

Handing the cup to Dumbledore, Severus slowly seated himself in the sofa across from him. For a few minutes, the wizards sat in silence, and Severus momentarily thought perhaps Dumbledore had forgotten he was even there.

"Severus," Dumbledore began suddenly, startling the Potions Master. "Is there something you wish to tell me?"

"Headmaster," the younger man began, patiently. "You know that you would be the first to hear of any developments."

"Ah, yes," replied the Headmaster, staring into the liquid in his cup. "Sometimes I am forced to wonder, especially recently. You have been spending so much time with your apprentice; I wonder sometimes, and perhaps foolishly, if she may have become your confidante."

"Foolish it is, sir," Severus replied softly.

Dumbledore nodded, slowly. "It is comforting to hear that you two maintain the appropriate relationship. Sometimes, and it is not uncommon, men such as yourself begin to feel intrigued by their apprentice, especially if they are as intelligent and capable as yours." Dumbledore looked into Severus' face, and the younger wizard could not help but feel as if he were being indicted. "You have remained nothing but her pedagogue, yes?"

"Have you reason to suspect otherwise, Headmaster?" Severus growled.

"I have been… made aware of some things, Severus," Dumbledore said, his eyes narrowing. "And if what I have been told is true, you know what I must do."

"I haven't any idea what you're talking about," Severus replied, his voice level and cold.

"Severus, I am merely looking out for the best interest of both my students and faculty. I have been tol—"

"Told what, and by whom?" Severus snapped. "If I am being indicted, I would like to know who is providing the evidence and where they are obtaining it from."

"Severus, please," Dumbledore reasoned, calmly. "You are not on trial, but I need you to be completely honest with me. Severus, I must be suspicious. It was not long ago that you were summoned to Malfoy Manor. And now Lucius Malfoy comes to me, claiming his son has reason to suspect you are engaging in an inappropriate relationship with Miss Granger."

Severus narrowed his dark eyes. "Malfoy?" Silently, he cursed himself – why had he not mentioned Lucius' accusations to the headmaster? If he had, this conversation would not even be happening. Dumbledore would have simply disregarded it. There was nothing for it now.

"Yes, Severus. Malfoy," Dumbledore replied.

"I have not the slightest idea where Malfoy would come up with such ludicrous claims, Headmaster. But as I told you… when I spoke with Lucius, he claimed the Dark Lord was becoming suspicious of my true loyalties." Severus' eyes glittered dangerously as he rolled over the possibilities in his mind. "I would not doubt that Malfoy would use any means to become closer to Voldemort… just as his sister-in-law."

Dumbledore considered Severus over the rim of his glasses, his light blue eyes narrowed. The Potions Master suspected that Dumbledore's suspicions prevailed, and while Severus truly abhorred deceiving the Headmaster, he knew it was their only option for the time being. He lowered his gaze. The fact that Hermione was hidden away in his bedroom nearly slipped his mind, but just as she pulled at his heartstrings, she influenced his conscience. And so she lingered.

"Are you certain, Severus?" Dumbledore asked. "You have no idea where Malfoy would come to believe such things?"

"No, Headmaster," Severus replied. "He had brought it to my attention the afternoon I spoke with him, but I did not believe it to be important enough to mention to you."

"Ah," Dumbledore said softly. "You did not believe it was important to mention that you were being accused of engaging in inappropriate behaviors with a student?"

"It seemed preposterous," Severus replied coldly. "I did not wish to concern you with it."

"And if it had come to the attention of the parents? Then, would you have thought it important to mention?" The old wizard's voice was terse, almost angry, as he spoke to Severus.

"I didn't believe Malfoy would have told anyone else, Headmaster," the Potions Master replied. "Clearly, I was mistaken."

"Clearly," Dumbledore replied, studying Severus' face.

"Headmaster," Severus said, quietly. "If you don't mind, I would greatly appreciate your excusal. I do not mean to be rude, but I am anxious to depart."

"Of course, Severus," Dumbledore stood, slowly. "I am sorry to have interrupted you with such petty matters."

Severus waited until Dumbledore closed the door, and he approached the bedroom. If he hadn't known better, he would have never realized he wasn't alone; Hermione was eerily silent. When he released the charm, Hermione looked up from her seated position on the floor.

"Is everything okay?" she stood quickly, touching his face.

"He suspects something," Severus lifted his hands to hers. "Apparently, Lucius Malfoy tipped him off."

"Malfoy? Professor Dumbledore would take Malfoy's word over your own?" Hermione gasped.

"No, I have managed to… dissuade him from the topic, for now. But I still haven't any idea where Malfoy would get any ground for such accusations," Severus stared into Hermione's face, but she knew he did not see her. He was thinking. "I do not know what they are scheming, but this is too unusual to be mere coincidence."

"Do you think the summons to Malfoy Manor had anything to do with this?" Hermione asked, her voice low.

"I do, yes," Severus growled.

A silence fell between them. Hermione slipped past Severus and left the room. Severus followed her, and after a few moments more of silence, he spoke. "We should not let these matters ruin our vacation, my dear."

As they prepared to depart, Severus explained to Hermione that his home was connected to the Floo Network, just as his private quarters in Hogwarts. For convenience of travel, the private living quarters of all the professors were attached to the network.

Standing before the hearth, Hermione nervously said, "Severus Snape Household," scattering the powder and stepping into the green flames. Seconds later, she emerged from the fireplace within Severus' private home. As Hermione gained her footing, she peered around the room. The walls were not unlike Severus' library at the school: they were covered from floor to ceiling with hundreds of books. The room itself had an air of neglect, which she expected – Severus spent most of his time at the school.

"It is not much," Severus said, as he emerged from the fireplace. He waved his hand, and a single candlelit lamp flickered to life, casting eerie shadows throughout the room.

Hermione moved slowly throughout the room, her hands grazing the threadbare furniture. She moved to the bookshelves, tracing the spines of the books with her fingers.

"Was this house your parents'?" Hermione asked, looking at him.

"Yes," Severus replied quietly. Hermione had the distinct impression that he wanted that to end the conversation, and while she was curious to know more, she respected his wishes.

Peering around the dark room, Hermione blushed slightly as she realized that this was precisely what she had imagined Severus' living quarters to look like. She didn't expect him to provide such meticulous maintenance as he obviously did at his living quarters at Hogwarts.

Suddenly, there was a sound of dragging feet in the room. Hermione jumped, startled, and looked in the direction of the noise. A house elf was shuffling into the room to greet his master. The elf bowed so low to the ground his nose nearly brushed the floor. Dust clouds puffed up from the sack the elf was wearing.

"Welcome home, Master," the elf's squeaky voice made Hermione cringe. The elf looked at her, and his eyes grew large. "Grib did not mean to offend Master's friend, Grib is very sorry!"

Hermione felt an intense sympathy for the elf and she kneeled down to shake his hand. "You are absolutely fine, Grib," she extended her hand. "How are you?"

Grib stared at her hand, as though it were a foreign object. Hermione's eyes softened, smiling slightly, encouraging the elf to greet the witch as his equal. Grib looked up at Severus, his eyes large and glossy, confused, as though he didn't know how to handle the courtesy.

"You may shake her hand," Severus growled. Grib stretched out his arm, trembling, and took Hermione's hand in his.

Hermione rose to her feet after Grib shook her hand. Grib began to move backwards towards what Hermione presumed to be the kitchen, but Severus stopped him. "Grib, prepare some tea for Hermione and I."

"Yes, Master Snape, sir," Grib bowed again, and hurried into the kitchen. The clang-ing and tink-ing of pots and cups could be heard as Grib prepared the kettle on the stove.

"You never said you had a house elf, Severus," Hermione said quietly, looking in the direction of the kitchen. "Is he here by himself the entire time you're at school?"

Severus nodded, looking slightly puzzled as to why that seemed significant to Hermione. "Yes, he spends all of his time keeping to the house."

Hermione frowned disapprovingly. Severus, taking note of her sudden mood, cocked an eyebrow and began, "Is this particularly troubling for you, Hermione?"

"I have no right telling you what to do, Severus," Hermione replied quickly. "Where are my things?"

"Ah, they should be in the master bedroom… this way." He rested his hand upon her shoulder and led her to the master bedroom. "House elves – for the most part, they enjoy the work they're given. They believe it to be the role of their race, in a world that was not designed for them. It provides them food and shelter, in exchange for the small services they can provide."

"Yes, I know," Hermione responded. "It's just… there are so many of them that are horribly mistreated, and they lack almost any basic civil rights. It's inhumane."

"It is certainly true that there is a significant proportion of house elves that are mistreated, and that indeed is most unfortunate," Severus replied. "But there are bigger matters to tend to in the world at present. When the Dark Lord falls, perhaps then we can focus our efforts elsewhere."

As they entered the master bedroom, Hermione peered around. It was not nearly as large as his sleeping quarters in Hogwarts, and barely half as elegant – but she had come to expect that now, seeing the state of the rest of the house. But, nonetheless, there were more bookshelves in this room as well. Stacked to the ceiling, they seemed to be swelling with texts. She couldn't believe his collection of books! This, in addition to his library at school?

"Severus, you have so many books!" Hermione cried. She pulled a volume off the shelf and cracked it open. And suddenly, she realized that the books were not dusty, and in fact, they showed no sign of neglect whatsoever.

"Silly girl, you don't think I leave all of my reading material at Hogwarts while on break, do you?" Severus crooned slyly.

"Tea, Master Snape," Grib walked into the room with a tray in his hands.

Two cups and a kettle were resting on the platter. Grib set it down on the foot of the bed gently, waving his hand to guide the kettle to the cups. He bowed before exiting the room. Hermione picked up one of the cups and sipped slowly, taking a seat on an armchair set between the bookcases.

"Severus, do you celebrate Christmas?" Hermione asked quietly.

Severus did not expect such an inquiry and was surprised by the suddenness of her question. He lowered himself to sit on his bed and thought a moment before answering. His voice was solemn. "I have not celebrated Christmas in some time, Hermione." He paused again, taking a sip from his tea. "I find no purpose in celebrating a holiday when one is alone. This will be the first year in a very long time that I have had company while on break."

Momentarily she felt an intense amount of pity for the Potions Master; she knew precisely his loyalties, and that he risked his life for the greater good of the entire world. And yet, there had been no one in his life to love him the way a man should be loved, especially a man as good as he.

She clenched her eyes shut, willing away the tears. Severus, more than most men, deserved to be loved passionately. He deserved the greatest life had to offer and yet he had none of that. He had the loyalty of few people, and the trust of even fewer. It was no wonder he was always so miserable. If only he was willing to risk vulnerability, she thought he could be happier.

"Severus, why do you close everyone off?" Hermione asked him, wiping at her eyes with her hands. "Why am I the first person you've exposed yourself to?" She paused, her stomach fluttering in unease. "And why did that happen only after you raped me?"

Severus' brow furrowed as he considered her question. She thought momentarily that perhaps she angered him, but she soon realized that her question was indeed very weighted and he wanted to consider it carefully before answering. He stared at the cup in his hands for a moment, and Hermione could tell he was contemplating.

"My role in this world is one of great risk, Hermione. At any moment, I could be summoned by the Dark Lord, and that could be my end," Severus looked at her. "The Dark Lord has no mercy, Hermione. He has no compassion, no empathy. He cares not for his followers, nor their families. He is inhuman in that he does not consider the repercussions of his actions on the lives of others, and he murders without second thought. If my true loyalties are exposed, it is very likely that I could be facing an impossible challenge. It is very likely that, if my true loyalties are exposed, I could die."

Hermione's grip around her cup tightened. This subtle gesture did not go unnoticed by Severus. He reached to touch her hand gently, squeezing it gently, reassuringly.

"To allow anyone into my life, to allow anyone to love me – that is an incredibly selfish act on my behalf. I cannot guarantee my time on this Earth. The threat to my life is very real. To allow another person to care for me will, almost certainly, end in that person's suffering. And what is worse, if the Dark Lord ever discovered my associations… I fear that he would attack those I care about before ever coming after me. Killing a man's family is a worse punishment than killing the man himself." His voice was incredibly solemn, and for a moment Hermione thought she recognized the glitter of tears in Severus' ebony eyes, as though his statement rang truer for him than she could ever realize.

Hermione stared into her teacup, her reflection dancing on the surface of the dark liquid. She couldn't help but cry for Severus; he deserved so much, and had so little. She had been so wrong about this man in the past – he was possibly the bravest, most altruistic man she had ever the honor of knowing, and yet he had nothing to show for it. He was alone. She raised her eyes to stare into his.

"Don't you think you deserve to be loved?" Hermione asked, tears streaking her face. "Don't you think that, after everything you have given this world, you deserve someone who loves you?"

The Potions Master nodded. "I do. I do believe I deserve that," he paused, lowering his gaze to his tea. He thought for a moment, heaving a heavy sigh. "But I also believe it is unfair to accept anyone's love, when I know it may end in sorrow for them."

"Severus, that is the risk you take when you open yourself up to someone. There are certainties in life, and there are uncertainties. It is certain that we will all die one day, but when and how – that is uncertain." Hermione took Severus' hand and kissed it. She held it against her face, feeling the roughness of his calloused palm against her soft cheek. "Haven't you ever loved someone?"

Severus could have laughed. The question was not absurd, and he recognized that. It was a very rational question, considering his disposition on the subject. He knew the joy and the heartache of love all too well. Those beautiful emerald eyes flashed in his memory, and he closed his eyes. "Of course."

"Who was she?"
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Matters of the Heart