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Lilly's Secrets	By : Sealpotter Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 5865 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters associated with the books/movies and I never have and never will make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Warnings: Angst, M/M
Chapter 13 - Why do fools fall in love?
Severus had been trying his best to avoid the confusing and alluring Harry Potter. So many things were falling into place from the discussion Harry had over Lilly's parchments, the memory from his death with Lilly's words. He refused to see more in the boy than as a student. He just couldn't, it was wrong and unfair to the boy. Severus resolved himself to be steady and unmoving. But right now, it was hard to control himself when one of his favorite indulgences, good food, was being applied to him by said boy himself.
The rest of the meal, Severus controlled himself. He segmented the food taste to the back of his mind and did not allow himself to savor the rest of the meal. Once finished, He waited patiently for Harry to guide him to the potions lab so he can get them started on his real goal. The potion. Over the last few weeks he had found it interesting that the ineptitude towards potions Harry had previously shown was greatly diminished. The reason behind it was in fact himself. His potions book had actually inspired Harry, and tuned him into the art that was potions. He would have to re-examine that book to see how he might use it to teach more effectively in the future. Harry was a changeling when it came to his view on potions, the passion high almost resembling his own. And that intrigued the Potions Master, he could turn the boy into an Apprentice yet. Well not his apprentice.
Images of working with Harry constantly, seeing those sexy expressions, watching those sensuous fingers, and gazing into those orbs of desire... Severus shook his head and was surprised to find he has almost walked right into the man himself... "Not yet a man", Severus had to remind himself.
"What was that?" Harry asked, turning around to face the potions master in the dimly lit path towards the potions lab. When Harry turned, he was only a breath away from the man. Harry stiffened, but could not move, he stared up at the surprise he found staring back at him. Severus backed up, schooled his face, and motioned for them to move forward. "Nothing, let’s go"
Harry sighed and then turned around and crossed into the lab.
Severus looked around and was inwardly smiling at the wonderful space. He could totally get used to working here. Severus reached into his pocket and handed the list to Harry.
"These are some of the ingredients we will need, and instructions on how they are to be prepared. I have a few already prepared for the harder additions. Go and start on these, while I prepare the caldron." Severus walked over towards the caldrons on a shelf and began dusting it and moving it towards the work space.
Harry looked over the list and went right towards the supplies. Thanks to his alphabetical organization, everything was easy to find and measure. He moved the items over to one of the preparation counters and set to work, calling each tool needed for the preparation and sorting the prepared ingredients into either vials, beakers or containers as needed for proper storage until they were to be added. Harry would not mess up the potion if he could help it. Over the next few hours, Severus called for various ingredients, inspected them and adding them to the bubbling brew. He instructed Harry on certain Charms that had to be performed by only the preparer for the integrity of the potion, and Harry managed them admirably. By evening, the main work had been completed. They had worked so well together, there was no tension, just a comfortable atmosphere.
"The potion will brew for five days, then we will add the last three ingredients, cast the last charm and it will brew for one day. It will be ready exactly on your birthday Mr. Potter. I will see you in five days to finish it, do cast a protection charm so it will not be disturbed, I will not help you if you muddle up the potion." Severus stated before he whirled around and left. He had to leave, the presence of Harry was nerve wracking... He had to go home and sleep, at least he could rid himself of his problems in his sleep. His dreams had been perfect, and at least there he could be himself and explore his feelings in a way that hurts no one else.
Harry watched the man leave, pensive as always these days. He cast the protection charm and cleaned up the lab. The house felt empty now, like it had not felt in a long time. As Harry walked back up the dimly lit path towards the kitchen, he was reminded of how lonely he was. How so many of his friends would be here in his home with him if they had not been killed. Harry's mind began to wander, the walls started to feel as if they were closing in on him. He began to relieve the screams from that night months ago, the fighting, the dripping blood off of Fenrir's fangs, the hollow look in the eyes of his dead school mates, and many other friends, and Order members. So much talent and love lost that night. Harry crumpled. His scream reverberated in that tunnel, his hands clasping his ears, tears running down his cheeks. His mantra was floating in his head, "I'm Sorry", as the pain from the suffering gripped him. Evil eyes stared back at him, filled with hate and venom, green light flashed in front of him as he witnessed his mother's death once again. Blackness claimed him.
The walls of the castle shook, water started to rain down in places puddling on the floor. Torches flickered in an out, and a screamed penetrated the silence that was once comforting. Teachers, house elves and every living thing shuddered at the sound. Professor McGonagall was beside herself, something was vastly wrong. She summoned Winky, "Go get Mr. Potter please, the castle is in need of him." Winky nodded, her eyes showing her fear at the growing disturbance. Then the castle shuddered, and all was silent, the water stopped. Winky snapped her fingers and was gone.
It was only a few minutes when she reappeared, pulling on her ears in agitation. "Winky found him, headmistress, but he is not moving, I needs help getting him out of the tunnel, the castle will not let me move him." McGonagall was surprised... there was something wrong evidently with both the castle and Harry. She summoned Madam Pomfrey, George, Draco and Severus to meet her at Harry's Cottage.
Winky led them to the tunnel that led from the kitchen to the lab. McGonagall gasped at the scene before her. Harry was curled around himself, lying on the floor, hands covering his ears, his face stuck in what looked like a silent scream, pain written into each feature, eyes wide open, but hazed over in a greyish blue color. His breathing seemed normal, but he was not otherwise conscious.
Severus pushed past everyone and gathered the man in his arms. "Where is his room?" He asked forcefully. Everyone shuddered for a moment before George indicated up the stairs. "Show me." Severus demanded. George nodded and Severus followed after him, Madam Pomfrey right behind casting examination spells. The rest of the entourage followed behind, but stayed in the Parlor when they ascended the stairs. Once in Harry's room, the bed seemed to welcome Harry into it when Severus laid him down, hands shaking at the contact, heart breaking at the sight. George stood to the side, while Madam Pomfrey finished up. "He is not physically ill. There is something bothering him mentally, and the only thing I know right now is a dreamless potion to help him with the nightmares." She said shaking her head. Severus nodded, "Maybe he just needs someone to talk to." Severus said, looking over towards George. "Draco and I have both tried sir, as have Ron and Hermione. We all know there is something bothering him. He dwells too much on that last day, but he won't talk to any of us. The challenges that he has been doing has helped, but not enough, and I am afraid of when they are done, he will be right back here. He feels he is to blame for everything, and none of us can seem to reach him on that account." George said sadly.
"He mentioned you two have some connection mentally, maybe you can reach him Professor, where his friends cannot." Madam Pomfrey offered.
Severus stared at her, it was the first time she had mentioned that to him. He was not sure what connection she may be referring to, but right now the boy needed care, and if he can help he will.
"I need you all to leave, I will try to shield his mind from the inside. Maybe that can buy us some time to get him to talk and heal." Severus stated. He had never tried to Occlude from inside someone's mind, but Harry looked utterly broken, and he couldn’t live with himself if he left Harry in such a state.
Severus closed his eye and prepared his mind. Feeling the departure of the rest of the company, Severus raised his wand and cast the spell to enter.
Severus was immediately bombarded with the smell of blood, the taint of fear, the enveloping helplessness, and the crushing sorrow. Severus could barely stand with the sensory overload, but he finally did to survey the devastating scene before him. Harry seemed to be frozen in time in this memory, unmoving as the scene revolved slowly around him. It was a kaleidoscope of images from one moment in time, fitted together in a carousel of death. Remus Lupin and his wife laying side by side unmoving, Fenrir Greyback looking up from the still form of Lavender Brown fangs still dripping, Fred Weasley scorch marks marring his face, Blazing red eyes promising retribution. Severus stood back from it all, this was not normal, it was fabricated in some way. Severus pulled back out. He cast a few dark magic revealing charms with no results. Then he cast a web charm over Harry, hoping that could lead him to the thread of dark magic. The web flew from his wand and enveloped Harry's head, each thread shimmering an iridescent blue on contact, and finally the one that settled close to Harry's famous scar, turned bright orange.
Something yet lingered in the boy's scar, not enough to take over, but enough to linger and cause devastation. "POPPY!" Severus yelled.
Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall came bursting into to the room, followed closely behind by the others.
"He has a regret curse buried deep into his scar, and it's starting to reach his mind. We have to stop it and counteract it before it takes him over completely." Severus practically bellowed. Everyone in the room backed up a half step except Madam Pomfrey who stepped forward and leaned in over him. She placed her hand over that famous scar, and closed her eyes. She chanted softly for a minute, before standing back up and looking towards Severus.
"You need to brew an epiphany potion for him, cast the charms strong, and use only the freshest of the Bergamot for maximum effect," She stated.
Severus nodded, he would have to brew a second epiphany potion, as he would be the caster this time. He reached into his robe and pulled a vial of dreamless sleep and handed it to her. She administered the potion and gently closed Harry's eyes. Until you are done, we cannot risk him waking." She stated, "We will rotate between dreamless and sleep inducing, to keep his tolerance down, and if he doesn't do well on just the sleep inducing, we will have to do a draught of the living death in order to save his body and his mind."
Severus was familiar with the treatment, he would brew all of them just in case. Everyone shuffled out of the room except Severus and the Headmistress. "Stay with him Severus, as much as you can. You were calmer when he was near, and I think the effect is similar. I do not pretend to understand what connection you two have, but whatever it is, it was strong enough to save you. I hope it is strong enough to save him as well. The boy has suffered enough." Minerva said softly.
"The boy is grown up, Minerva. You need to see him that way, he will be man enough in a few days." Severus said gently. She looked up at him and nodded, fresh tears in her eyes. "You are right, of course, Severus. And you too will do well to heed your own advice and don't push him back into that field for your own comfort either." Her wise eyes, twinkled, so reminiscent of Dumbledore that Severus was saddened a little. She gave Harry one last look then left the room.
Severus then stepped closer to the bed, placed his hand lovingly on the face he had longed to touch for so long and caressed it gently. He bent down and brushed a kiss into that inky black head, and promised himself he would one last time, interfere for the boy's own good.
That night Severus claimed no dreams that helped him ease his physical needs. The next day brewing he stewed over that. Usually his nights were the best release from the temptation that was Harry Potter, but last night, he could not dream, he did not rest at all.
He had gone back to brew the draught of the living death and the sleep inducing potion in the lab at Harry's, this way he could make sure to give him the nutrition potions he needed throughout the day as well. Tonight Severus would stay, administer the sleep inducing potion and watch for any reactions. There was a second bed in Harry's room for him when he arrived, fully prepared to slouch in a chair. The bed was a nice touch, and he was grateful. He pushed back the dark sleeves of his over shirt and sat on the side of Harry's bed. He reached and pulled the smaller man into his arms, cradling him as he used on hand to tilt the potion into those soft pink lips. Severus shook his head, trying to dislodge those thoughts, but they clung anyway. Once the potion had slipped down, he massaged Harry's throat to induce swallowing. The skin was so warm under his attentive fingers. Severus wanted to linger, wanted to hold on, but refused to let go of his baser needs. Harry was not meant for him, he was meant for greater things and someone else entirely. Someone younger and more of a nice person, He would never change, and neither would the past.
Severus shook his head to dislodge the melancholy thoughts and gently laid Harry back down. He cast an unsettled charm and a distressed vitals charm so that he would be awoken if Harry had any adverse reactions to the potion. Severus dropped his main cloak onto one of the chairs and laid down into the other bed and closed his eyes. Dreams were where he could escape reality, and dream he did.
Dream
He turned around to see Harry sitting by the shore of a lake. When those green eyes met his, he smiled brightly. This was his dream Harry, kind, loving and his. Harry stood up and ran to him, arms wide, greedily grabbing Severus into a wild embrace. Harry was trembling, and Severus was concerned. Nothing was ever wrong in his dreams. Maybe he was letting real life sink in too much. He reached his slender fingers down to cup Harry's chin and tilt Harry's face so he could drink in those eyes. "I missed you, I feel so alone without you." Harry whispered. "Shhh," Severus muttered as he bent his head to claim lips he could only possess in dreams. Each of them moaned together at the contact, Severus plundered the younger man's mouth, trying to drink him in. It was as if he was starving and Harry the only cure to revive him. Their tongues tangoed, noses rubbed, hands grasped tightly trying to hold one another as close as possible. When Severus broke the kiss they were both breathless. Foreheads bent and touching, they breathed in each other as they calmed down. Severus straightened first, and stepped back taking Harry's hand and guiding him back to the shore for them both to sit. Severus sat first, and then pulled Harry to him, letting Harry's back snuggle into his chest.
"Why do you choose the lake shore every time?" Harry asked.
"I don't, it's just a dream, and the location doesn't matter." Severus replied while letting his fingers gently caressing Harry's soft skin. Harry stiffened under his touch for just a moment then relaxed, it was as if he wanted to say something but let it go. Harry turned around, straddling Severus' legs and rested his head into the crook between Severus' neck and shoulder. "I don't want to ever leave, stay with me?" Harry whispered into his shirt. Severus just nodded, usually they really chatted, and this dream was more a reflection of what he had been feeling with the separation and future becoming a reality. So he just went with it, just like every dream before, letting the dream lead him.
Harry reached up and stroked Severus' cheeks, before slowly lowering his lids and moving in for a kiss. This one was searing, powerful, needy and filled with so much sorrow too. Harry dominated this kiss, tasting, searching and mapping out every part of Severus' mouth. Severus was on fire, his skin burned where it touched Harry's arms exposed by his T-shirt, heat emanated from under his clothes. He held on to Harry, grinding upward seeking release from the volcanic churning in his blood. Their bodies creating a heated friction without breaking their kiss. Harry's hands were gripping his shoulder, his hands were pressing Harry's hips closer to his heated erection. Harry pushed hard gaining a Severus flat on his back and a smack as their kiss broke and they panted hard. Harry's nimble fingers started from the top and worked their way further down, undoing one button at a time, spreading the shirt's fabric away from pale flesh. Severus watched those green eyes blaze before Harry bent to run his tongue along the center of his chest. The heated swipe trailed fire along his skin, and when that mouth took a nipple, he screamed Harry's name, the pleasure so exquisite he could barely contain himself. He wanted this dream encounter to go where they had never gone, he wanted Harry so bad everything hurt. But Harry took his time, laving one nipple and then the other, while using his fingers to tweak the other. Their hips were grinding, blood rushing and hearts racing... Loud shrieks from his charm started to go off dragging him out of his dream, Harry reached for him as everything went dark and then he was sitting up in his bed...
Bedroom
Severus jumped out of the bed and moved over to the sleeping Harry... Harry's breathing was very erratic, heart out of the normal range... but after one diagnostic spell, Severus couldn't see where the potion went wrong. There was no indication of anything to counteract the sleep inducing potion. Then he looked down Harry's body looking for obvious trauma... and stared. Harry had a raging errection that was very prominent inside the clothing the boy wore and the two layers of blankets covering him. Severus quickly looked back up towards Harry's face, only to see an expression of sorrow. He moved closer to Harry's bed, unsure what the boy had been dreaming about, but it had to be painful yet exciting for obvious reasons. All he could do was try to sooth Harry as the boy slept. Severus really couldn't stand to see the look of sorrow on that face. He sat down and pulled the boy into his lap cradling him, stroking his hair and making shushing noises in hopes to calm him. The face melted at his touch into a more serene look, but the heart rate did not subside. Instead, it seemed to match his own erratic beating. Severus focused on his breathing, slowing it deliberately to calm his own heart, hoping Harry's would follow suit. Severus fell asleep like that, back up against the headboard, Harry in his arms. There were no more dreams that night, just peaceful rest for the both of them.
The next few days were the same, Harry was under the sleep inducing potion, and Severus was watching him and administering the needed nutritional potions. There was no need for the Draught of Living Death. Each night Severus laid next to Harry, holding him, talking to him, caring for him and slowly losing his heart to the Boy-who-lived-twice.
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Lilly's Secrets