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To have loved, and lost (was Missed Chances)	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 10677 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Remebrance
- 2-2.
- 3-3.
- 4-4.
- 5-5.
- 6-6.
- 7-7.
- 8-8.
- 9-9.
- 10-10.
- 11-11.
- 12-12.
- 13-13.
- 14-14.
- 15-15.
- 16-16.
- 17-17.
- 18-18.
- 19-19.
- 20-20.
- 21-21.
- 22-22.
- 23-23.
- 12
- 13
- 14
Minerva lifted one eyebrow mockingly. “Oh? Go on then, convince me otherwise. I’m not sure why you felt you had to go about it in such an underhand manner, considering how Hermione has felt about you since after the war, but explain to me how marrying the girl for all the reasons you just explained is so heinous a crime? Or are you telling me that you…”

“I manipulated her into it all,” he spat. “I encouraged her feelings, even before I had any intention of having any sort of relationship with her…”

“I’m not stupid, Severus. Anyone who’s worked with hormonal teenagers for any length of time could see that she was enamoured with you long before graduating Hogwarts.

He paused in his pacing. “And I took full advantage… Not while she was a student, of course,” he clarified quickly, seeing Minerva’s eyes flash. “But I encouraged her to believe she might have a chance. And then I heard about the law from Lucius, and I began making every blasted effort to make her think I cared for her…”

“But you do care for her, Severus… Anyone looking at the two of you together could see that. It can’t have all been that bad. You both always seemed happy… Well, Hermione did, at least. No one ever expected you to behave any differently from normal. It can’t all have been that bad, can it?

He turned his head away, unable to face her. “I don’t know what you think you saw, Minerva, but it was all nothing but a sham. I treated her abominably, starting the night of our wedding. You saw only what you wanted to see. If you’d been at the Malfoy’s ball a few months ago, you would have seen a much truer representation of what our marriage has been like. I made her miserable… every day of our lives together…”

Severus peeked back at Minerva, hoping she would have something to say to absolve him, but she stayed silent, her lips pursed together as she waited for him to continue. He began to pace again as he tried to put into words what had happened.

“It was only once I’d lost her that I realised… And now I… I… Merlin’s balls, I can’t do this!” He stopped once more in the middle of the room, his fists clenched as he felt his grief and self-recrimination threaten to swamp him. “I don’t know how to… What good am I to her?” His voice began to rise. “I wouldn’t know how to treat her right if she did come back… and why would she, after what I did? She’s the one good thing that ever happened to me, and I treated her like dirt! No wonder she hates me! She would have been better off if I was fucking dead!”

As his raging emotions peaked, a wave of energy suddenly burst from him, sending everything, books and all, crashing to the floor, kicking up clouds of dust. The one spot left untouched was around Minerva, as she’d dealt with enough teenage angst to see his magical outburst approaching, and had pulled out her wand in plenty of time to cast a shield around herself.

As the dust settled, she let her shield dissipate, before standing and making her way gingerly through the mess to where Severus had slumped on the floor, the twisted and shattered frame that had been on the mantle now lying before him. Carefully she reached out to touch his shoulder, sure that his outburst was over and he wouldn’t react badly to her gesture of comfort.

He shuddered slightly but otherwise didn’t respond to her, his gaze focused on the photo as the two figures moved silently through their ceaseless cycle.

“Severus…”

Minerva paused to watch as he slowly reached out to touch the image of Hermione, tracing his finger around her face as she beamed up happily at him from the floor. Minerva noticed for the first time the nasty sneer on the newly married groom’s face when he knew Hermione couldn’t see. No wonder that she’d never seen that particular photo of their wedding. The only photos that had been shown around were still muggle photos, taken for Hermione’s parents. There’d been some excuse at the time as to why the moving ones hadn’t developed properly, and no wonder, if this was what they were all like.

Pity that he had to wait until now to realise what he felt, she thought. Hermione has such a generous heart, I’m sure she’ll eventually forgive what he’s done, but I doubt she’d ever take him back. Not that Severus would want to hear that right now, she was sure. She needed to get him up and moving, to encourage him to find a way to let Hermione know he was sorry for how he had treated her. They probably both needed the closure to be able to move on, although Severus was going to need some careful handling.

“Come, my boy.” She patted his shoulder gently. “Let’s get you washed and fed, and we’ll see what we can do.”

“What’s the point?” he whispered brokenly. “I’ve lost her.”

She put on her sternest voice, used only when dealing with recalcitrant students. “Severus Snape, you’re going to pull yourself up off the floor and get yourself cleaned up while I arrange a good meal. Once you’ve eaten you’re going to tell me everything, starting from the beginning.”

Still he didn’t move from the floor, so she tried another tack. “That poor girl is suffering right now, and she won’t let anyone help her. She won’t talk to anyone, not even Potter. Knowing what happened may help us know what to do.”

(2 months, 1 week earlier)

The moment Severus burst through the doors, sending them crashing with a loud thump, the anger that had built in the last few minutes spluttered and died. All eyes had turned towards his entry, but very few had lingered, with most guest turning back to their dance partners or conversations as soon as they’d ascertained the source of the noise. Severus barely noticed them anyway.

It wasn’t the threat of Narcissa’s displeasure that had caused his anger to dissolve, but the sight of his wife, moving lightly around the dancefloor only a dozen or so paces from where he had entered had caused him to half forget for a moment the revelation that had so infuriated him.

She was stunning. Tiny curls that had escaped her formal hairstyle hung around her face, framing her delicate features as she smiled and talked animatedly. The dress that clung to her curves so beautifully seemed to flow like water around her as she spun gracefully in another wizard’s arms. A strange flutter manifested itself in his chest at the vision before him. How long did he have? Lucius hadn’t mentioned exactly when the law would be voided. How long before she would leave him and find herself another wizard. He was sure it wouldn’t take her long.

Their eyes locked together, over the shoulder of the partner that he now recognised as one the slightly less venerable members of the Wizengamot. After a moment he saw her eyes widen slightly, and the sudden anxious look that flitted across her face told him that she had read his mood correctly. The expression on his own face was enough to make the few people close to him shy away. No wonder Hermione seemed worried, although quickly she was steered further around the dance floor, and away from his gaze.

Schooling his face back to impassiveness, he strode to the edge of the floor, pausing as he waited for the pair to dance round to him. As they approached, he stepped forward, halting their progression. Severus bowed slightly to the older wizard, in acknowledgement of the interruption, even as he held out his hand for her to take.

“If you would excuse my cutting in… I’m afraid I have not yet had the chance to dance with my wife.”

For a moment it seemed as though the old fool was going to refuse, but one glance at the dark look on Severus’ face clearly persuaded him to give up his companion. He finally began to move away, grumbling to himself under his breath, leaving them relatively alone near the edge of the floor. Severus waited until Hermione stopped trying to pretend her attention had been caught elsewhere, and finally met his gaze with her own.

The apprehension in her eyes was clear, despite the bravado she was trying to show. Slowly, he held out his hand, palm up, silently inviting her to dance. With only the barest hesitation she placed her hand in his.

The moment she did so, he pulled her to him, as his other hand slipped around her waist, holding her tight and making her gasp with surprise. They began to move, dancing silently for a few long minutes. Severus took the chance to enjoy the feel of her curves beneath the soft silky sheath she wore. The thought that she’d soon be out of his life seemed a distant one as he held her in his arms.

One song finished and another began, and he guided her into the next dance without a word, although he soon spotted another Ministry lackey approaching, his eyes fixed determinedly on Hermione. Severus spun her slightly so he could warn the encroaching idiot off with a furious glare over her head.

The other wizard paled and changed direction, trying to make it seem as if it had been his intention all along, but managing to bump clumsily into at least one couple who had just joined the dancefloor. Severus smirked grimly to himself. He still had it. The opportunities to cow the dunderheads had been few and far between since leaving Hogwarts, and he missed it. He kept an eye on the wizard as he made his way back to his friends, who up until then had been watching Hermione and himself dance with covetous eyes. Severus scowled at them as the fool began to whisper animatedly. As one they all seemed to suddenly find other things of interest to look at.

Bastards, the lot of them, Severus thought. By their bearing and dress they were all purebloods, making the likelihood of them having any real interest in Hermione to be next to none. He could assume that the main draw was the power that his wife held, although, unlike many of the witches that had reached the same level, she was neither old nor a hag. All in all, she would be quite an appealing package once the law was dissolved, although none of those particular wizards would stoop further than using her for their own ends, and chuck her without a second thought. Certainly none of them had a serious relationship in mind as they watched her with greedy eyes.

Unconsciously Severus pulled her tighter against him. She was undoubtedly still naïve in many ways. Open to letting herself be used by power-hungry bastards who cared nothing for her. The foolish girl was liable to get hurt.

She won’t be your responsibility, a little voice whispered. She doesn’t want you. She can’t wait to leave you, so why should you care? You never even wanted a wife. You’ll be free to go back to the life you had before, when you were happy shagging as many women as you desired.
I desire her. She’s mine, he asserted, not realising how he was suddenly crushing her close against his chest.

So you’d prefer to continue bedding a cold fish like her, instead of one of those women who were so eager for your company earlier this evening?

The song drew to a close, and Hermione pulled herself out of the tight grip he had on her, signalling that she was ready to leave the dance floor. She seemed strangely perturbed, but by what he wasn’t sure. Reluctant to let her go quite yet, he offered her his arm, which she took, and he began to lead her off the dance floor.

Across the room, Severus spotted one of the women who had been propositioning him earlier. Her scarlet dress, cut to reveal one long, slender leg, as well as a more than generous amount of cleavage, certainly drew the eye. When she spotted him looking she paused, flicking her hair over her shoulder and further exposing her no doubt magically-enhanced breasts.

“Who is that?” Hermione hissed quietly from beside him.

He looked down at her to see that she had followed his gaze to the bimbo over the other side of the room.

“Do you know her?” she continued, as they stopped at the outskirts of the ballroom.

“I danced with her earlier.” He tried to sound nonchalant. “I can’t recall the name.” He hadn’t been interested enough to listen for it. “We had quite an interesting conversation though…”

“Oh, really,” she asked sceptically. “All about the latest breakthrough in Potions, I suppose.”

“Not at all,” he replied casually. “She was telling me about her plans for after the marriage law is rescinded and she can get rid of her muggle-born husband.”

He was stretching the truth a bit, but it seemed to have the desired effect, as his wife immediately stiffened beside him, her amber eyes flashing angrily. It reminded him of how he used to enjoy winding her up about her old job, just so he could admire how beautiful she was when fired up, and wonder if she would look the same when fucking. Not that he’d had much chance to test his theory, in the end.

“And I suppose you told her how you couldn’t wait to get rid of your muggleborn wife either,” she retorted.

Don’t put words into my mouth,” he replied silkily, although her words riled him. “I said nothing of the sort. Since when have I been bothered by blood status?” Of course, at the time he’d known nothing about the law being thrown out, but he wasn’t about to tell her such a thing. His irritation spiked at the reminder of his wife’s duplicity. Perhaps it was time to give her a taste of her own medicine. All those months thinking she’d been carrying on an affair, and all along she was working hard to be able to leave him.

“Although…” he continued, deciding that she deserved to feel the same way she’d made him feel, “she has made me think about my own… situation a little more.”

“What do you…?”

She was suddenly cut off as a small group of wizards cut into their conversation, requesting her time to discuss some point of law that was currently going through the Wizengamot, and how it was going to affect their business. Severus barely heard a word. His attention was on the hussy displaying her wares across the way. She wasn’t really the type he went for, not even when he’d been enjoying himself with as many women as possible. Her ‘charms’ did nothing for him. Everything about her screamed fake and vulgar. Unfortunately for her, being a pureblood didn’t prevent a witch from coming across as a cheap whore.

She was perfect, however, for teaching his wife a lesson. He excused himself from the group, noting out of the corner of his eye that Hermione’s gaze followed him as he began to move away. He smirked to himself, turning it into a slight smile for the tart who still lingered across the room.

When she realise he was heading her way, she arched her eyebrow, glancing meaningfully towards the doors that led out onto a terrace in a clear invitation for him to follow. He didn’t look back, but Severus could almost feel the rage pouring off his wife. She’d been effectively cornered, however, by those three business-wizards and would be unable to do anything without making a scene.

She’d slipped outside by the time he reached the doors, and he quickly followed, not needing to check to see if Hermione was still watching, but knowing for sure that she still was. The cooler air hit him as he stepped out, clearing his head a little after the closeness of the ballroom. The sound of the music already seemed muted, and faded further as he moved to the stone railing at the edge of the terrace.

She was behind him, he knew, having waited behind one of the small trees that stood either side of the open doors so she could move up behind him. Stupid woman, what was she thinking, trying to sneak up on someone like him? Lucky he had spotted her as he exited the ballroom, but if he hadn’t… likely she would have got hexed if she’d actually managed to surprise him.

He didn’t react, therefore when her hands suddenly snaked round his waist, her fingers reaching to toy with one of his buttons idly.

“I wondered how long it would take you to make up your mind,” she whispered huskily as her strong, musky perfume washed over him for the second time that evening.

Pulling her fingers away from his buttons he turned to face her suddenly, making her step back in surprise, before he grabbed her wrists and pulled her back to him.

“I’m not the sort of wizard to pass up an… attractive opportunity,” he said seductively, as he lowered his mouth to graze the shell of her ear. “And your offer was definitely… irresistible.”
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To have loved, and lost (was Missed Chances)