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Outside the Potions Classroom	By : HappilyJaded Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 26981 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Outside the Potions Classroom
- 2-One
- 3-Two
- 4-Three
- 5-Four
- 6-Five
- 7-Six
- 8-Seven
- 9-Eight
- 10-Nine
- 11-Ten
- 12-Eleven
- 13-Twelve
- 14-Thirteen
- 15-Fourteen
- 16-Fifteen
- 17-Sixteen
- 18-Seventeen
- 19-Eighteen
- 20-Nineteen
- 21-Twenty
- 22-Epilogue
- 13
- 14
- 15
Outside the Potions Classroom

Chapter Thirteen
Wanting to be the first to arrive, Severus showed up almost half and hour early for their meeting. The Hog�s Head was quite busy for a Thursday because it was raining miserably outside. He had managed to procure a table in the back where they wound have some privacy and some semblance of peace and quiet. He originally wondered why she would pick such a notorious place to meet, but seeing the crowded tavern he knew instantly. She felt safer confronting him in a crowded place.
Nevertheless, he didn�t want her to have the upper hand, and he especially was mindful of her usual spies. He swore to Merlin if he should see one head of red hair or anyone with a lightning bolt-shaped scar he would Apparate immediately. He came to talk to Hermione, not her cavorting sidekicks.
Despite the nervousness that ran through him, he felt himself more prepared for this moment than he had the first time he had confronted her. He felt he was in a position of power over her; he was, after all, the one who had been denied his son. That confidence would put him in control, and for that he was thankful. He already felt manipulated by her as it was, and he had only spoken with her a handful of times in the past eleven years.
His watched her enter the tavern, her eyes searching for him. They locked glances and she moved through the throngs of bodies to join him in the isolated corner. �Good evening, Severus. I�m glad you agreed to meet with me,� she said, sliding into the booth.
He watched as she removed her damp over cloak, revealing a modest red sweater and surprisingly low-cut jeans. Seeing her muggle attire, he forgot she was still a young woman and had given birth to a child some time before � her figure was almost unchanged from her days at school, save for her hips. Once oddly narrow and almost boyish, they had widened and given her a much more curvaceous shape. She probably hated them. He had to stop staring.
Before she could speak again, a passing barmaid placed two goblets and a bottle of Muggle wine upon the table. �Please enjoy,� she said as quickly, vanishing into the crowds.
�I took the liberty in preordering, given how�busy it is here,� he said, pouring her a glass then himself.
She noticed his emphasis on the word and it shone in her eyes. �Very well,� she replied, taking her goblet. �Did you want to have a toast?�
He didn�t think they should be toasting, but offered it anyway. �To Hadrian,� he toasted.
�To our son.� She delicately clinked her goblet with his and took a sip. Immediately her face flushed. �Such strong tannins. Is that blackberry and currant I taste?� she wondered aloud.
�With a lot of oak as well,� he added. This was getting annoying. How much small talk could they partake before someone blurted out what they were feeling?
Apparently it didn�t take long. Tired of the uneasy silence, it was Hermione who spoke first. �I brought the list.�
�Huh?� Very unpoetic, but it was the first thing to escape his brain in the moment of surprise.
Hermione reached into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out a very old looking piece of parchment that resembled Muggle loose-leaf. It was the exact opposite of the letter she sent before, suggesting the meeting � he could tell it had been read and refolded many times. She opened it again, very carefully, and he could barely distinguish her handwriting. �I wrote this the day I discovered I was pregnant in Madam Pompey's office. I was a little distraught at the time; so as I read it, just bear with me, all right?�
It was her �list,� the infamous list that told her to not inform him of his child�s existence.
�First, the pro side,� she began. �Number one, �Contrary to popular belief, likes children.� �
He almost snorted, but she was right.
�Number two,� she continued, � �Generous. Would make sure both of us were comfortable and well cared for.� Us, being child and I," she explained.
�Number three, �Intelligent. Would make wise decisions, encourage our child to do so, myself included, and would educate our child.�
�Number four, �Dedicated. Would see everything through, never leave his child.�
�Number five, �Patient. Again, contrary to popular belief, would have infinite patience for our child,�� she sighed as she stopped reading. During this time, she didn�t lift her head and meet his gaze; she continued to stare at the paper. Her voice was wavering when she approached number five; he didn�t need to be an accomplished Legilimen to understand how hard it was for her to reread this list, one she had obviously thought long and hard about. A list she must have reread dozens of times, judging from the condition it was in.
Her list of pros was a lot longer than he would have expected, but obviously it didn�t matter, the cons side had to be infinitely bigger if she had decided to keep their son away from him. He steeled himself for the worst and motioned for her to continue.
She took a deep breath and spoke again. �Cons. There is only one con that I could think of, but it was ultimately the most important one that I had to consider.� Her head was still bowed away. � �He doesn�t love me, how could he love my child?��
Silence fell upon them both like a ton of bricks. Hermione was ready to start crying � he could hear the heaviness in her throat as she spoke, ever so softly, and the fact she refused to meet his eyes. Severus just chose not to say anything because he didn�t want what he had to say to be fuelled by emotion.
He raised his wand and pointed it at her. Her head lifted and he had her.
Luckily, he was a better Legilimen than she was an Occlumens. He pushed into her open mind and began to search for the memory he needed, the memory of their last meeting. He had to see it, had to see her point of view. It didn�t take long to find that moment and watch it replay from her eyes.

/start flashback/

�I was accepted early. The preparation course starts this Monday.� He remembered this scene. They were lying in bed after a heated round of lovemaking. They were both tired, hot, sweating�and before either could pass out she spoke the words that he thought had sealed their fate.

�What a wonderful opportunity for you.� He barely recalled saying it. �Just what you always wanted.�

�Yes.� She echoed, although her thoughts at the time were rampant�and unsaid. �So this is it?� Hermione�s memory recalled her saying, although what she was thinking was; Please don�t let this be it. Just tell me you love me.

�Apparently so.� Memory-Severus said. �I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. We both know you will do well in whatever you do.�

�Thank you. Your confidence is humbling.�

�And well deserved.� He had gotten out of bed then, put on his dressing robe. He felt her heart break, even after all these years, it was a pain inside her that still seemed fresh. It cut him deep.

�I should get going, I haven�t told everyone the news yet� and I need to pack��

�The next few days will be busy. Good luck.�

�Thank you,� she said quietly, rising from the rumpled sheets to grab her clothing. Don�t let me leave, she thought. Please, Severus�

He had been completely ignorant to her pleas. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. He had been saying goodbye, but she had in turn seen it as a dismissal. No, Severus, don�t let me go�

He had left quickly, terrified that she would see his anger and frustration over the entire situation, see that he was actually desperate for her and her approval, but she never knew. She left with her head held high, making it as far as the gates before she began to sob.

/end flashback/

It was unsaid. They both had been too proud and stubborn to admit the need for one another. For the sake of their prides, they never said what they really meant�and paid the price. He had been miserable for so long, and upon having his first taste of pleasure and happiness, he was too terrified to admit he needed it. She had wanted him to say it first, and went quietly when he didn�t. It was just so foolish and frustrating�

She lowered her gaze again, trembling that he had seen that which she hid so carefully.

He took a deep swig of his wine. He had not expected to feel even more chastened than he had last night upon realizing he had pushed her away. Now it was clear as day, and in that light, was horribly twisted and ugly. The truth was that they were both at fault; they both hid from the truth for so long the lies were almost easier to believe. No wonder she didn�t want him in her baby�s life. No wonder he didn�t owl her. No one wanted to be the first to admit weakness.
They paid the price for not speaking up � they were both miserable.
Neither of them spoke for a long time. Hermione pulled a tissue from her jeans and dabbed her eyes. Severus poured himself more wine.
It wasn�t easy to face the past.
�I did love you,� he said at last, although he knew it was too late. �I never wanted you to go.�
Her face was a book of expressions, which he could clearly read. She didn�t know this and the surprise was evident. She said as much with her short, soft, �Oh.�
�It seems we were both too proud to admit what we really wanted,� he admitted. �I never knew you wanted me to come after you.�
�For people who claim to be very intelligent, we really weren�t,� she said after another lengthy silence, tears rolling down her face. �I�m so glad you want to be apart of Hadrian�s life,� she choked, bowing her head again to wipe away her tears.
He reached across the table and placed a comforting hand upon hers. He had the luxury of forgetting how much she had meant to him, but she had to see a constant reminder everyday. Despite her own faults, she had carried the belief that the man she loved had pushed her away for so long, he couldn�t even imagine the confusion in her heart.
�What happens now?� she asked softly.
He honestly didn�t know. �Fancy a shag for old times sake?� he jested.
Hermione burst into laughter, amiss her tears. �Not quite what I expected, but I appreciate the thought.�
He shrugged. �At my age, you never know until you try,� he chuckled softly. �I don�t know what will happen next. I really don�t. But, we have to consider Hadrian in any move we make.�
She nodded in agreement. �Any differences you and I may have�he really is what is important.�
�Which is why I was thinking�that perhaps it would be best if we all spent Christmas�together.�
Her eyes went wide. �Really?�
He had been hesitant to make such an offering, but the look on her face was too brilliant to feel sorry for. �Yes. It wouldn�t be right to separate a mother and son over the winter mini-break.�
She jumped up just then, moving over to his side of the table to throw her arms around him. He had been startled at first, and then he relaxed into her embrace. Her body was warm, soft and smelled wonderful - for a moment he forgot where he was. She pulled back when his arm went around her � she looked as startled by her own reaction as he had felt initially.
It was rather odd looking into her eyes just then, being in such close proximity with a former lover. He felt his body stir in response to her closeness and his mind realize that after all this time, it wasn�t immune to her charms. He could see it in her eyes too � the once forgotten emotions that shone there, remembering past intimacy. She felt a similar reaction, of this he was certain.
So after all this time, when all was said and done, the spark was still there. What an interesting development. Yet another element to add to the complicated nature of their fragile relationship.
She pulled back and returned to her seat, her face flushed. �Um, I should get going. I have an early day tomorrow.�
He nodded, motioning for the barmaid to bring the check. �As do I,� he answered, finishing his glass of wine.
The bill levitated over the crowd and onto their table. Severus grabbed it first. �I should get the check, I did ask you to come,� Hermione insisted, reaching for the bill.
He shook his head, pointing his wand at the check. Instantly, he heard the clink of galleons being removed from his account at Gringotts. �A lady should never have to pay for her own drink,� he insisted, standing. He reached over for her cloak and helped her put it on.
�Thank you, Severus,� she said. �This has been an interesting�but informative�evening.�
�Not how I would have put it, but accurate.� He gestured towards the door. �I�ll walk you out.�
She said nothing as he led her outside with one hand on the small of her back. He had placed his hand there to guide her and keep her close, it was only later he would realize why.
�Thanks, again.� She reached forward again; hugging him and reaching up to kiss his cheek.
He turned his head and her lips brushed his lips ever so softly � he barely felt the pressure of them but a glimmer of energy shot through him. He was startled � and he didn�t recover as she quickly waved and Apparated.
He stood there a while, slightly dumbfounded by the effect of the faintest of kisses, and bewildered by what it might entail for his future.

Tbc�
- 13
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- 15
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Outside the Potions Classroom