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The Nothing I've Become (Areas of Expertise II)	By : SickPuppy Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 18628 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
I have psychic reviewers who can work out what the next chapter might be called! ;)

Chapter Thirteen - Frozen Inside

'Phew!' Harry gasped, collapsing onto the couch in the Room of Requirement. He had gone into the castle under the cloak and had, making use of various Weasley products - thoughtfully packed by Hermione - turned the Great Hall into a swamp, the foyer into a jungle, and the entrance to the Headmaster's study into a freezing ice covered landscape. He had only just placed the last one when some of Voldemort's followers had arrived on the scene. Of course, as he was still under the cloak, they hadn't been able to see him, although he had had to pick his way carefully amongst the icy rocks, to avoid leaving footprints in the heavy snow lying in the corridor. In fact, he had slipped, and, he knew, one of the teachers had caught a glimpse of his foot. He had heard the startled cry and the gasp. At that he had run as quickly as he could, clinging it to him hoping no one cast 'accio'. They hadn't.

He had fairly flown through the door of the Room, stopping dead to try and look more nonchalant.

Hermione had looked up at him, the lines of worry easing from her face. She hated letting Harry go out there alone, but one of them had to remain in the Room to ensure no one snuck in.

'I bet Snape goes mental!' Harry crowed joyfully, then his face had an arrested look, as if it was struggling to remember something.

'Harry?' Hermione asked, concerned.

He glanced up at her, his expression tense and sad. 'What's wrong with me, Hermione?' he said, green eyes full of half remembered pain. 'Why do I keep thinking these things?'

He didn't want to voice the awful things his mind imagined every time he closed his eyes: him under Snape, groaning out the man's name in desperation and need. But he couldn't go on like this. Not knowing what was wrong.

Hermione took a deep breath. 'You keep thinking about Snape, don't you?' she queried, already knowing the answer. 'I hear you sometimes,' she supplied, upon seeing the look of amazement on his face. It quickly changed to embarrassed horror as he realised what she must have heard some nights.

'Harry,' she sighed, 'we were told not to push you; that you'd remember on your own, that it was dangerous to force it. Oh, but, Harry, can't you remember? Last year?'

He shook his head, tears in his eyes. 'I want to,' he answered, 'I DO. But I can't. My brain keeps telling me last year was just a normal year, but I know that's wrong, isn't it? Something important happened? Something happened to me?'

Hermione nodded, her own eyes filled with tears. 'Harry, keep trying.' She urged. 'You must remember, you must. You can't forget last year. Everything that happened to you, to Sa-' she broke off, horrified at what she had nearly done.

He frowned, 'It's ... it's almost coming.' He said, expression twisted in concentration. 'It's so close, Hermione.' Anguish spread across his face. 'I ... I can't remember. There's something missing. Something I need that'll help me remember. God,' he groaned, 'what is it?'

The girl caught her breath. Was Harry never going to remember? Did he need Sapphire to have any chance of discovering what had happened? If so, that year would be lost to him forever.

'Please,' she begged, 'please try.'

But he shook his head. 'It's gone.' He rubbed his forehead. 'My head hurts. I'm going to lie down.'

She watched him go to his bedroom and sat staring into the fire, worrying at her lower lip.

A noise outside made her jump.

'Why won't it open?!' A frustrated voice was saying.

Hermione recognised the voice and smiled, glad that they had asked the Room to allow them to hear what was going on outside the door. Even if she couldn't go out there and see Ginny, at least she knew the other was ok. She longed to, but knew it would be much too dangerous. Secrets were difficult to keep in schools, and one as big as Harry Potter being back was far too important to risk.

'This is ridiculous!' A different voice said: Neville.

Hermione smiled, feeling embarrassed by the suddenly falling tears. Hearing them made the students seem so close, not just people she knew, but friends. She felt so happy to be back at Hogwarts, and was glad they were hiding in the castle. If only Ron were with them, she would have been able to be happy.

***

Harry's here! Harry's here! In the school! Hidden somewhere! Snape couldn't stop the jubilant thought from running through his head all the time he was dealing with the chaos caused. He had seen Harry's foot, he was sure of it, slipping across some rocks. He had gasped, unable to stop himself, and the foot had vanished again. Depressed at losing that small glimpse of the other, he had nevertheless been ecstatic that Harry was at Hogwarts. He vowed to get the Map back out and find out exactly where he was hiding.

He also vowed to hide his thoughts carefully to prevent the Dark Lord from learning of Harry's location.

***

Harry lay on his back, staring unseeingly at the ceiling. His heart still pounded from his earlier adventure. It had been so close. Now that he had the time to think about what had happened, he was worried. As he had slipped he was sure something had fallen from his pocket, but he hadn't had the time to stop and discover what. Now, though, he was filled with dread. What had he lost?

Unable to relax, he got up and began going through his things.

'Oh no!' he cried. Fuck! Hermione's going to KILL me!

***

Snape took an unwise step on the slippery surface and slipped over. 'Ow!' he grunted, rubbing his hooked nose which had slammed into the compacted snow. One of his staff leant over to help him right himself and gave a cry. 'Whose wand is that?'

In one smooth movement Snape had scooped it out of the other man's hands and shoved it under his robes. 'Mine,' he said, 'my spare.' Then he focused on ending the magic affecting the school.

***

'You can't stay here forever.'

'I know.'

'Well then. Why don't you do something about it?'

Ron stared out across the water, not really seeing it. He was seeing Hermione, seeing how hurt he imagined she was, seeing how angry she was going to be with him. His heart twisted. Hermione and Harry had been alone together for over a week now. Had they missed him at all?

He hoped they had, but the core of self-doubt in his being made him worry he was wrong. It made him think they didn't want him, and were laughing at him right now.

Bill sighed and stuck his hands into his pockets. 'Seriously, Ron, it's nice to have you here, but don't you think you should do what you promised?' The wind blew up, whipping his hair roughly about his face, but, other than shaking it away from the scratches across his face, he ignored it. Instead he kept his focus on his littlest brother.

'Are they your friends or not?' he asked, cutting to the root of the problem.

Ron looked at Bill. His throat constricted as he replied, 'They are.'

'Then stop hating yourself and be their friend!'

Ron turned his face away, gazing out over the crashing waves.

Bill gave an angry growl that worried his brother. 'Ron, we're in a war. You can choose to act or not act. If you choose not to act and people get hurt how are you going to feel? If you act you could help.'

Abruptly Ron turned his back on the sea and walked steadily back to the cottage. Bill didn't know if Ron was leaving, or whether he'd simply become bored of listening to Bill.
- 13
- 14
- 15
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The Nothing I've Become (Areas of Expertise II)