Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Let Love In	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3124 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 13
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- 15
Chapter Fourteen: Love and War

Remus stared vacantly at the wall. He had been doing it for quite some time and even though he could feel the book in his hands, he couldn't look at it. The clock...the clock on the wall with the batteries that Sirius insisted in getting because it was so cute and so Muggle...it ticked in a horrible way, as if it was counting down the last hours of Sirius's life. He couldn't look at it. He could only stare mindlessly. Suddenly there was a loud hammering on his door, he jumped visibly, his heart literally taking refuge in his throat as he jumped out of his seat. "Sirius..." He gasped and ran for the door. He flung it open, not even thinking straight, eyes wide as he gazed around and saw...nothing. He frowned in confusion and his eyes travelled downwards. At his feet, lying on the carpet of the hallway he saw Sirius, his white shirt was torn open, stained crimson and his arm was twisted. "Shit!" Remus gasped, falling to his knees and gently rolled his friend over. Sirius's eyes were closed and he had blood running down the side of his face, but his chest was moving. Remus let his breath out in a rush of expelled air. That was when he noticed the note, pinned to Sirius's chest. He took it in shaking fingers and read it;

Look after him, RAB

The script was neat, precise and looked as if it was written by someone who was writing in a hurry. He crumpled it in his shaking hand and used his wand to levitate his unconscious flat mate into the bedroom. Once he was lying on the bed he began healing him, whispering under his breath as his wand shook in his hand.

Sirius's eyes opened slowly. He groaned, feeling heavy and achy. He wondered what had happened as he struggled into a sitting position and gazed around the familiar room, his bedroom. He looked down and saw Remus, lying asleep with his head pillowed on his arms. Something was clutched in his hand and Sirius prized it from his fingers, scanning the familiar handwriting and the even more familiar signature. For a while he simply sat there, memories of being hit by a car and chased by his brother running through his mind. He smiled slightly, glad to see that his brother still seemed to care. His chest bubbled with happiness and he turned his eyes back to Remus, gently he brushed hair from his eyes and he mumbled. "Moony?" He whispered softly, letting his breath tickle his cheek. "Moony...wake up."

"Mmm...Sirius?" Remus lifted his head and blinked sleepily. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine." He replied with a smile. "Thanks for patching me up...I dread to think what I looked like."

"What happened?" Remus sat up, moving onto the bed. "You scared me."

"I told you, I'm fine. It was only a tailing mission, hardly anything dangerous."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Really, so not dangerous means that you're brought back by some unknown person covered in blood, with broken ribs, a broken ankle and a dislocated arm...?"

Sirius chuckled. "Details!" He waved his hand. "I got some information...not much but I think they're planning to ambush the Auror's Moody has patrolling Tottenham."

"Ok...but how did you end up hurt?"

"Hit by a car." Sirius's grin was full of laughter.

Remus sighed heavily. "You're useless, you know that? How on earth did you manage to get hit by a car?"

"Running from my brother who was convinced I was a Grim and decided he would kill me." Sirius laughed out loud, his sharp bark drifting through the flat and Remus couldn't stop his own smile.

At first Voldemort seemed content to work in secret, the odd disappearances and murders the only sign that he was out there. It was difficult to track his movements and the Order found themselves usually arriving too late to prevent disaster. When the storm finally broke they all felt the shockwaves.

The Prophet was printing over time, the list of the dead and missing grew exponentially. Finally, Lord Voldemort seemed on the brink of destroying everything.

It was night, Sirius stood on the roof of a building gazing out over the slums of the great city. The wind whipped his hair around his face and he lifted his eyes to the bright moon hanging above him. He tried to keep his thoughts from Remus and what he was doing, he had to concentrate. A noise behind him made him turn to see James moving in the shadows. "Pads, they're moving." He hissed.

Sirius nodded, looking down at the street below and seeing several shadows flitting between buildings. He took one last deep drag on his cigarette before crushing it beneath his boot. "Let's go." He said and James nodded, his eyes sparkling slightly in the darkness. They climbed silently down the building, using its drain pipes like a ladder. Finally they were close enough to hear words...

"Malfoy...wait!"

"No. The Dark Lord wishes this done quickly, I will not wait."

"Yes, but if we just go charging in without even..."

"I know what I am doing, Macnair. If you are cowardly enough, run...The Dark Lord would not be pleased with you, though."

Macnair paused for s split second, sharp eyes looking up and down the dimly lit street. "Alright, I'm comin'." He hissed and followed the taller figure.

Sirius grinned to himself, he hid himself in the shadows beside James. "Looks like I get to see Dear old Lucius again...how surprised he will be." He chuckled softly and James grinned. They followed the Death Eaters silently, waiting their chance.

"Here." Lucius stopped, throwing out an arm to halt his companion. "The woman lives here..."

"The Ministers sister?"

"Yes."

The house was grand looking, tall, at least three stories with an attic. Lucius gazed up at it, seeing a single flickering light on before smiling. "I am sure she will appreciate it if we knock." He stepped up to the door but froze when he felt the sharp jab of a wand in the small of his back. His grey eyes widened. "Macnair...?" he hissed softly. A soft chuckle and hot breath on his neck made him go cold inside.

"Oh no...I'm afraid your scrawny little companion is...busy."

Lucius could hear the scuffle behind him but dared not turn around. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to work out where he knew that voice from. It was strong and confident, full of a cocky arrogance that he knew well... "My, if it isn't little Sirius Black, come to play with the big boys have you?" He taunted softly. The wand dug sharply into his ribs and the short chuckle came again, a hand steered him backwards, away from the front door of the house.

"You could say that, Lucy." Sirius grinned. "I guess this family gets more fucked up the longer I'm away..." He pushed Malfoy forward, he lurched and stumbled on the hem of his robes. He saw another boy stood in the shadow of another house, he was smiling.

"Hi, long time no see, Mr. Prefect. How's life treating the great and wonderful Lucius Malfoy?"

"Potter." Lucius drawled, lifting his chin. Macnair lay in a bloodied heap at Potter's feet, the boy gave him a casual kick in the back as he passed.

"Your friend didn't put up much of a fight." He said, adjusting his glasses. "Bet you'll be a much more fun challenge." He held his wand in one hand as he ran fingers through his messy hair with the other. "Sirius, take his wand."

"Yes sir!" Sirius said with badly suppressed glee, he reached around, dipping his hand into Lucius's pocket. He took hold of the thin stick of wood and made to withdraw it until a cold hand clamped down on his wrist.

"I think you would regret doing that, Black." Lucius said calmly, both hands still in the air. "You are now surrounded." He smiled as Sirius was dragged away from him and Potter spun around, wand out and trying to decide who to aim at. Several Death Eaters moved in slowly, there was a scuffle and a sharp yelp of pain as Sirius collapsed to his knees. Lucius drew out his own wand and pointed it directly into Black's face. "Drop your wand Potter, or I will take great pleasure in mutilating your precious friends face...I am certain he won't look half as pretty after I am done with him."

"J-James..." Sirius was cut off as someone hit him in the face. He spat blood to the floor with a low growl, glaring up at Malfoy.

James lowered his wand slowly, placing it on the floor. "Alright...just don't hurt him." he said slowly, hazel eyes met Sirius's and in a flash they worked out a plan.

It didn't take much, all Sirius did was lash out with his leg, booting his captor in the thigh so he was released. He then wrestled his wand from the man's grasp and turned, grinning into Malfoy's shocked face and sent him flying with a curse. Then everything exploded into light, shouts and screams as Sirius and James ended up back to back, surrounded by wands all pointing directly at them.

James gazed around at the seemingly solid wall of black that surrounded them, he could feel Sirius at his back, panting slightly. "Well, Padfoot, old friend, it looks as if they managed to turn the tables."

"Indeed, Prongs...what's the plan?"

James considered but before he could speak, Malfoy stepped from the ring. "We came to catch a rabbit and instead managed to find bigger...much more valuable prey. The Dark Lord will be most impressed, we should be able to extract valuable information from you two...you are close to Dumbledore and the Order..."

Sirius laughed, it echoed through the streets. "You think we'd give up information to you? Anyone would think we'd never even met!"

"Dear cousin, we will not be asking you...we will take the information we need by force. I will enjoy this far too much..." Lucius pointed his wand directly between Sirius's eyes. "Now, scream..."

Sirius saw a bright flash of red before he fell. James spun around only to feel something slam into his back, he stumbled, his breathing catching in his throat as he collapsed to the floor, wand slipping from his fingers. Agony washed through him and he gritted his teeth, rolling onto his side and searching for his only weapon, his glasses sat lopsidedly on his face and he squinted through his pain. Sirius was still, his chest hardly moving, fear clamped down on James's throat but he scrambled around and finally his fingers tightened around the grip of his wand. He climbed unsteadily to his feet, swaying slightly as he tried to ignore the burning in his back. He felt a mad kind of grin stretch his lips and he laughed slightly. "We're hardly...going to...let you take us...!" He gasped.

"You can hardly stand, what are you planning to do?" Malfoy replied, raising an eyebrow.

James heard Sirius groan and shift on the floor. "Pads? You alright?" he asked, turning his head slightly.

Sirius raised himself onto hands and knees blinking blood from his eyes. "'M ok..." he muttered, grabbing his wand and standing, he swayed drunkenly, his vision blurring painfully. "I'm...alright..." He said again, through gritted teeth.

Remus woke with a sudden jolt, his eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright. It took him a few minutes to work out that someone was knocking on the door, he shook his head to clear it before standing up, the book he had fallen asleep reading fell to the floor with a thump. He yanked open the door and saw James and Sirius standing there, James held Sirius upright his eyes bright and there was something...odd about them. His smile was off as he stepped over the threshold and sat Sirius gently down on the sofa. James straightened, hands shaking as he ran both hands through his hair. "M-Moony..." He muttered, his face twisting slightly. "...God..." he fell down beside Sirius and hung his head, hands gripping his hair firmly. "T-They...They killed...they killed her..." He gasped after a long pause.

Remus knelt before him. "Who?" He asked, his throat dry.

"Margery the...the Ministers sister...I-I..." he looked lost, his eyes dark and blank.

"We couldn't stop them." Sirius muttered, blood trickling down his face as he sat up straight. "The...the dark mark..." he shook head, hair sticking his forehead in the blood. "Shit!" He swore, his hands making an odd jerky movement as if he wasn't entirely sure what to do with them. "It was horrible...She...she was screaming...and-and...we were...t-trapped...Fuck!"

"They surrounded us." James said in a whisper. "When she came out of her house...to see what the noise was...I tried...I tried to stop her but..." James sighed and tipped his head back against the sofa. "It was too late...It all happened so fast and I had to get us away...by the time I could get near her she was..."

"Lying there...just kind of...staring up at us..." Sirius finished, his voice low and rough.

Remus licked his lips, he stood slowly. "Let's get you a drink..." He said softly.

"Firewhisky." Sirius said immediately.

"Please..." James finished softly.

When Remus returned with the glasses Sirius took his in a shaking, crimson hand and knocked it back straight away. James gazed into his glass with empty eyes before lifting it to his lips and drinking. "Death is..." He began slowly.

"Undignified." Sirius looked at Remus, his eyes dark and haunted. "Will you...be alright?"

Remus tried to ease the look of fear on their faces but failed, his smile felt stiff and fake. "I will be, Sirius. I'm one of them, after all and...really...they are trying to recruit...it shouldn't be too hard." He couldn't look them in the eyes, every time he thought about the next night he felt terror rip through him. He feared hurting someone, he feared being torn to shreds as soon as he stepped in through the door of the Werewolves den...he feared leaving Sirius behind when he was so obviously struggling with this death.

The next night Remus left the house alone, he couldn't stay and see that look in Sirius's eyes. He hated what he had to do, he hated even more that he had to leave Sirius alone...but what choice did he have? He was the only person in the Order who was able to integrate with the Werewolves, he had to do it.

The club was hot, almost too hot. Sirius was surrounded by sweaty flesh, hands groped him as he drowned himself in the pleasures of the girl in his arms. He was pulled away, his head swimming as a mouth claimed his own, a nubile tongue sliding against his own. He groaned with relish. He had felt trapped in the flat, doing nothing but await Remus's return...he had left and found this dingy little underground club. He was now in a tangled mass of limbs, the heavy, pulsing drone of an electric guitar thrumming through his body and the sticky taste of whisky on his lips.

The girl was holding something in her fingers, her eyes alight as Sirius opened his mouth obligingly and she slipped the odd tab onto his tongue. She giggled and the thing dissolved.

The world was strange. Colours were magnified to an almost painful intensity, static objects began to seem to crawl across the floor, blurring and shifting oddly. Sirius leaned against the wall, breathing heavily as he watched people dancing so slowly it was as if they were trying to break free of a stasis charm. Everything was bubbling, the walls themselves not even standing still as they bulged outwards, almost reaching for the occupants of the club before moving back again. He felt his legs give way as he slid down the wall and onto the floor, which undulated beneath him. The rhythm of the pounding drums, the screech of the guitars filled his head and as he closed his eyes he could see the music. Bright pulsing colour, flashing across the back of his eyelids as they morphed into patterns, greens twined with yellow and twisted into blocks that faded away before bright red circles replaced them. He thought he heard a voice, distorted and slow, warping in his ears until it hardly made sense. Then he felt hands on his thighs, sliding upwards, pressure on his lips made him open his eyes and gaze at the girl. "What do you see...?" She gasped.

"The music..." he muttered, his voice slurring badly as he giggled. "It's colourful..."

She laughed and kissed him again, her lipstick tasting like wax and plastic, her tongue tasted of vodka and red wine and cigarettes. He shoved fingers into her hair and moaned, it was like silk! Her small elegant fingers ripped open his jeans and before he could process what was happening he groaned, throwing his head back against the wall, his fingers still wrapped firmly in her hair as wet heat encased him. He couldn't pay attention to anything for very long, until a sudden violent rush of pleasure ripped him from gazing thoughtfully at the ceiling. He bit down on his lower lip, tasting blood as he came. The girl lifted her head, panting and wiping her mouth she smiled at him.

Sirius stumbled into the apartment, he gripped a bottle of vodka in one hand, a cigarette dangled from the corner of his mouth as he slammed the door open and stumbled over the threshold, giggling like a girl. It was morning, the sun low in the sky as he fell onto the rug and lay still.

"Where have you been?"

The soft voice made Sirius laugh, smoke issued from his mouth and he sat up slowly, his leather jacket hanging off of his shoulders. He took a deep swig of the vodka, finishing the bottle before letting it fall back to the floor with a clatter. "Mooony..." He slurred, swaying even where he sat. "I would ge' up...bu' ya'see...theressss this problem wiv me legs...they aint workin'..." he choked out laughter as if he had said something hilarious.

Remus looked at him, his pupils were huge, leaving only a thin silver ring around the outside. His t-shirt was dirty, Remus could smell the scent of perfume and semen on him even from where he stood in the door to the kitchen. He had lipstick smeared across one cheek and his jeans were undone, his belt hanging loosely over one leg. Sirius stubbed his cigarette out on an ash tray on the coffee table and fell back again. "You scare me." Remus whispered softly from the door way. He moved forward, feet treading carefully across the rug so he ended up gazing down at Sirius who looked too far gone to even recognise him. "You can't keep living like this." He knelt down, brushing hair from Sirius's face, those eyes gazed up blankly at the ceiling, his lips slightly parted and bruised from prolonged kissing. Remus clenched his teeth and sat back, hands curling into fists on his thighs. Sirius hadn't even seen the large, horrible looking wound that marred Remus's face, or the blood stained shirt he was still wearing. Sirius hadn't even asked him how he was...and Remus felt a savage stab of pain before standing and walking away, back to his own bedroom.

That was the first time Remus returned to an empty house, but it wouldn't be the last.

The war progressed, Sirius witnessed the deaths of strangers, he held their hands and watched the light fade from their eyes before closing them. He stood by while allies were killed, he found himself swamped by darkness and he was drowning...

There was a young Auror, a boy who had just passed his exams, a smiling, excited boy who wanted to be a hero. Sirius liked him, although he thought he was a bit pretentious at times, but he got on well with James...until they were ambushed.

Sirius spun around as a scream rent the air, his eyes had time to widen briefly as the whole street exploded around him. He didn't know if he screamed or not. The sound was deafening, and when he next opened his eyes all he could hear was an awful ringing. He was looking up into James's terrified face, blood ran down his head from a terrible wound and his hair was covered in dust, he was shaking Sirius violently...yet it all seemed oddly slow as if Sirius was still affected by the LSD.

"Sirius!" James shouted, shaking his friend desperately by the shoulders. He watched Sirius's eyes flicker open and almost sighed in relief. But Sirius's eyes were blank, confused and the way he shook made James's stomach twist in terror. "Sirius! Snap out of it! We have to get out of here!"

"Oh! Look who it is!"

Sirius knew that voice. He sat upright, wand in hand as he pointed it at the dark figure that moved towards them through the dense dust and debris that rained down on them. The ringing in his ears had dulled to a dull throb. "James! Run!" He said and climbed to his feet, dragging James with him. he pushed his friend in the back, making him stumble but they broke into a run. They ran for their lives, dodging flashes of coloured lights and that insane screaming laughter that haunted Sirius's darkest moments. He turned briefly to look over his shoulder and saw her coming after them. A jet of green light swept towards them, Sirius pushed James to the floor and it whizzed over their heads. He stood again, grabbing James and pushing him forward. "Go! Get the hell out of here...I-I'll..." he swallowed. "I'll hold her off." He said firmly.

"Wait! Where's Brookes?" James asked suddenly remembering the boy they'd been partnered with.

Sirius's eyes widened. "I'll go look for him. Run! Go tell the others we've been ambushed!"

James nodded, but not before he'd dragged Sirius into a hug. "Don't die." He gasped before turning and legging it.

Bellatrix stepped through the smoke, grinning as if she had been given the best present in the world as she eyed her cousin. Sirius stood there, wand raised and eyes narrowed, he had blood smeared across his cheek, his shirt was torn and his jeans shredded to reveal grazes beneath. But he looked defiant, an expression she remembered so well from when he had lived with his mother. "Haven't you grown, Sirius!" She said mockingly. Sirius was silent, merely glaring at her through heavily lidded eyes that reflected her own so closely. No one could deny that they were related. "I'm glad we could meet, dearest cousin, It will be my pleasure to hear your screams as I destroy you!"

"Try it, Bella." Sirius replied in challenge. The curse she threw at Sirius was blocked, it went flying and hit a wall crumbling it. Sirius stepped back a pace, waiting on tender-hooks for the next shot.

"This isn't any fun!" Bella pouted moodily. "I wanted to play some more...but I have to go..." Sirius felt a twinge of guilty relief at that. "Well, I will give you something to remember me by, Ickle Siwi."

Sirius couldn't block it. He was thrown to the floor, wand flying through the air and he was screaming, writhing around like a fish out of water. Agony set fire to his veins, his throat tore as he the pain engulfed his senses. After what felt like a several years, he was released. He lay on his side, drawing in shuddery breaths as fingers tightened in his hair and his head dragged backwards, he gazed into his cousins eyes. "Remember this, cousin, I will kill you. Not today...maybe not tomorrow...but one day, I will finish you and the last thing you will see is my face laughing at you. You pathetic little blood-traitor."

He was released, as darkness claimed him.

He came around and struggled to his hands and knees, picking up his wand as he stood with a grunt. He swayed slightly and began walking through the devastated street. His feet caught in something and he tripped, splitting open his palms and smearing crimson across the rubble. He sat up, clutching his pounding head as he looked at what had tripped him. "B-Brookes..." he croaked, his throat sore. He stared at the body, the boy had taken the full blast of the explosion by the look of him. Crimson spattered the concrete, half his face had been blown away and the remaining eye gazed at Sirius piteously, as if begging for help. Sirius felt his gorge rise and he turned away, vomiting violently. He sat still, gasping desperately, clutching handfuls of his hair and squeezing his eyes shut. "Stop it!" he muttered. "I-I didn't...I didn't know! I didn't..." he curled in on himself, unable to look at that single, staring eye as it silently accused him. "I'm sorry." He whispered into his hands as he heard footsteps.

That night Sirius went out again. Remus watched him leave, he couldn't stop him. He sat in the room, arms wrapped around his knees as he gazed at a photograph on a shelf. It showed Sirius sitting astride his motorbike, aviator sunglasses perched on his nose and a cocky smile on his face. He was wearing a silver chain around his throat and Remus could remember so clearly grabbing it, twisting it tightly so he could hardly draw breath before kissing him. He remembered feeling those hands sliding down his back, lifting him up and pushing him onto the table in the shed they had been borrowing from Peter's parents. Tools had gone flying as Sirius had nipped and bit at Remus's throat, growling slightly as he did so. He closed his eyes as he remembered digging his nails into Sirius's shoulders as he thrust wildly. They had come together, mouths locked in a deep, probing kiss as they had swallowed each other's moans. He sighed, whispering into the gathering dark; "Sirius..."

Sirius realised that the only way he could cope with watching people die was to lose himself completely. He went out, found anyone willing to fuck him and let them. Whether male or female he didn't care. He took copious amounts of drugs, got so drunk he could hardly walk and ended up crashing several times in some dingy alley way. The drugs changed depending on his mood, if he was at a club he would go for Coke, Speed or some other random thing that heightened his emotions...simply so he could stop feeling that overpowering sense of darkness that plagued him. He sank himself into the Muggle world of hedonism, simply allowing his senses to take over, revelling in the pounding music, the intense orgasms and the magnificent highs. He realised that it was easier to cope with everything, all those dead, accusing eyes didn't seem to plague him so much when he was pressed into a mattress in some random, cheap hotel. The morning after he would sneak away, leaving his night time companions and returning home...when he saw Remus he would fall into his arms, clutching at him, dragging him to the floor and try desperately to hold onto his slipping sanity.

"Remus..." He muttered one morning, the flat was silent except for his ragged breaths as his fingers clutched Remus's t-shirt so tightly it had torn along the seam. "Remus...don't let go..." he squeezed his eyes shut tightly against the burning pain in his chest, his heart beat like a terrible drum.

Remus could do nothing but hold him, run his fingers through his knotted hair and hush him. He pushed aside the agony, the terrible, gut wrenching pain as he realised that Sirius was slipping away from him...down a deep, dark well that he had made for himself. "It's not your fault, Sirius." He whispered, "None of it..."

Sirius said nothing, pressing his forehead into Remus's chest as he shook violently in his arms. He didn't raise his head, but Remus could feel the hot tears soak into his clothes and he tipped his head back against the wall at his back. He didn't want to tell Sirius that all the self abuse and sleeping around were silently killing him...with each passing moment, every time he was dragged to the floor by shaking hands he could feel his heart turn colder.
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