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"Why Me?"	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 88137 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make no money off this work of extreme insanity.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Love you, woman, you're the best!

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Chapter 14:

Lupin! You're one dead werewolf!

Standing at the railing on the second floor, leaning over, elbows resting on it, Sirius was watching Harry, who was seated on the second to the last step from the bottom talking with Kreacher, smiling at his godson and what was being said. Hearing someone approaching in the hall, he looked up to see Remus coming his way. Putting his finger to his lips to make sure his friend stayed quiet he then pointed down to where Harry was. Seeing Remus nod, he went back to watching and listening. Standing there, he was, once more, reminded of James and Lily, driving home once again how like them Harry was in the best of ways. Despite the history with Kreacher, Harry was pressing on, seemingly firm in the stand that the psychotic elf was his friend. It was like James in that aspect; what or who you were didn't matter, if he decided you were his friend, you were there forever and he would defend you.
Nudging Kreacher, sipping at his juice, Harry said, “I still think you're great.”
Smiling a little at that, the elf nodded, fingering the baton he was holding, “Master Harry is very kind.”
“I don't think it's that, I just think since we got over some of it, so I see you differently. I like this and having another friend around here,” Harry told him, reaching out to pat the old elf on the back.
“You are my master,” Kreacher said, looking at him, slightly bewildered. Shaking his head, he added, “Kreacher serves you, so he isn't your friend.”
“Who says we can't be both,” Harry told the elf, grinning. “It works for both of us and I say we're friends, so we go from there.”
Smiling a little bigger at that, Kreacher nodded, “I think I understand now.”
Smiling at that, Harry nodded. “Good. We're still friends, despite anything else.” Taking another sip of his juice, he offered a drink to the elf, “Want some? It's pineapple orange juice and is really good.”
Looking at the cup, debating that, Kreacher gave a tentative nod and took a sip. Smacking his lips when he was done, he said, “That is good, Master Harry.”
“It is! And it's good for you.” Drinking some more, he said, resting his elbows on his knees, “I have an idea here about the painting and Regulus' room I thought might work. I'll have to get with Sirius about it, but I think everyone will like it.”
“What's that?” Kreacher asked, looking at his new master.
“I thought this; we move your mistress' painting into Regulus' room and seal it to where no one but you can get in. That way neither will be touched again and you can go visit anytime you like. This way we don't get shrieked at all the time and the painting will be somewhere I bet she'll like then you get to go visit it whenever you want. What do you think? I'm sure Sirius would be fine with it.”
Thinking that over hard, Kreacher began to nod slowly. “Kreacher can accept that, yes. Mistress would like to be in Master Regulus' room I think.”
“I'll talk to Sirius about it, though I'm sure he won't mind,” Harry said with a smile.
“I don't, Harry. And it's a good idea,” Sirius said quietly, smiling himself. “In fact, if Kreacher wants to move his stuff into Regulus' room and stay in there, I'm fine with that too.” This wasn't something that anyone thought of doing and was a good idea. It solved the problem with the painting, that's for sure.
Looking up over his shoulder at Sirius and Remus, Harry grinned then nodded, “Yeah, we can do that. Good idea!” Looking back at Kreacher, he asked, “What do you think?”
“Kreacher likes this idea,” the elf said with a firm nod.
“I'll get with the great pervert and have him put his elves on the job after breakfast,” Sirius said, straightening up, still smiling.
“We're good then,” Harry said, giving the still smiling Kreacher a nudge with his elbow. “Come on, let's go get breakfast and see what Lucius is plotting.”
Laughing, hearing Remus chuckle, Sirius said, “Good idea. I imagine he's working on that bribery list you gave him last night.”
Snickering and grinning sheepishly, Harry said, “Yeah, I need to double-check that anyway. I can't remember what all it was I told him I wanted.”
“It was rather funny, Harry,” Remus said, starting to follow Sirius down the stairs. “I'm not even sure some of what you gave him exists. It should be interesting to see if he can find it.”
Standing and helping Kreacher to his feet, Harry grinned a little bigger, “Yeah, it will be.” Looking at the elf, he asked, “Do you still have Lucius' wand?”
“I do,” Kreacher told him firmly with a nod. “He won't get it from Kreacher until Master Harry says he can give it back.”
“Good,” Harry chuckled. “At least Snape has his. Not sure what I'm going to do with a solid gold cauldron, but I have one now!” Walking towards the kitchen, he said, “And it was strange that he offered to give me his whole house, including the contents, for the cup when he found out that it has a built in spell that makes sure you don't get a hangover.”
Shaking his head, smiling, Remus said, “I think he would have given you the house for the cup itself, without knowing that it won't let you get a hangover.”
Snickering at that, Harry shook his head as he opened the door to the kitchen. Seeing Lucius at the end of the table with papers spread out all over it, obviously trying to figure something out, he took a seat on the bench and slid down so the now invisible Kreacher could be beside him. Waiting for Sirius to take a seat on his other side, he took his plate from the elf that brought it and began to eat.
Glancing up from the papers, looking at Harry, Lucius tried to plaster a pleasant look on his face. “I see you're not suffering from your overindulgence. This is good.”
“I'm fine,” Harry said, digging into his food, but keeping a wary eye on the pervert.
“Good,” Lucius said, smiling at the young man. Looking around at the papers spread out around him, he said, “I'm working on procuring what you asked for. The elves are already hard at work in the backyard to create the Quidditch pitch and the swimming pool with the hot tub built-in. I've been able to get my hands on the newest Firebolt. That will be here sometime this morning. Though I don't know exactly what a Muggle movie is, Severus said it's not hard to buy tickets to one so we'll arrange that this week, then will all go when you decide what one you want to see. Severus said there is a wide selection to choose from when it comes to what there is to attend. However, I'm running into a slight problem with some of the items here.”
Sighing, he shook his head then said, “I can get you a black puffskein without a problem. The same with a red one. However, as far as I can tell, there is no such thing as a black puffskein with a red Mohawk. I've also run into a brick wall in procuring hippogriff clothes. They don't seem to make those, from what I can tell. I do believe that is probably a bad idea, Harry. I'm not sure of the relationship you and Black have with Buckbeak, but I don't think either of you have a good enough one that you could persuade him to wear a leather motorcycle jacket. We won't even discuss getting him in boots. Maybe this is one you should reconsider.
“Now, on to the life-sized stuffed Godzilla that has its own city to stomp—First, the issue comes in that Severus had to explain to me what this Godzilla thing is. I didn't know where to even start looking for one. As it's a Muggle something or other, I'm not sure I can get my hands on this. And, from what Severus said, I'm not sure life-sized is possible. It's my understanding that this Godzilla creature is rather immense. From the description I got from Severus, he said bigger than many buildings. Perhaps there is a smaller version? I may be able to get my hands on this if there is one.”
Sitting there, Harry dropped his fork and put his head in his hands, trying not to laugh aloud. He didn't even remember asking for some of this stuff and knew it was impossible. How upset he was over some of what went on must have bled off into his drunken state, causing him to torment Lucius. Shaking his head, he didn't know what to say here.
“Now, the last on the list—the Muggle computer made to work with magic and an internet connection—This isn't possible. I'm not exactly sure what a 'computer' is, honestly, but Severus said it's a very delicate, sensitive piece of Muggle electronics. He made it clear that it wouldn't stand up to the magic in this house. The internet connection, though I don't know what the internet is anyway, isn't possible as that involves installing a Muggle telephone line and a subscription for it. Severus is at a loss as to just how one would even go about procuring an internet connection.” Dropping that paper and shaking his head at it, Lucius sighed then looked at the young man, “I think we need to renegotiate some of this.”
“We do,” Harry said, voice uneven as he tried not to laugh. Hearing Sirius chuckling beside him, he looked at the man then said, “How about this—We keep what you've already gotten your hands on and go see the movie. I think everyone would like that anyway.”
“What is a movie anyway?” Remus asked, amused by the conversation.
“It's like a play only done in moving pictures with sound. You'll love it and it's nothing bad, I promise,” Harry told him.
“Severus did say it's something we would enjoy, all of us,” Lucius admitted. Looking back at Harry, he asked, “Now, with the renegotiation—what do you have in mind here?”
Trying not to snort in laughter at some of what he had asked for, Harry said, voice slightly uneven, “A small owlery for the backyard so Hedwig can get out of the house and enjoy the fresh air.”
“Shan't be a problem,” Lucius said firmly, pleased with something easy to work with. “We have a couple at the manor that can easily be transported over here. I'll have it in the backyard today. Anything else?”
“Let Buckbeak go back to Hogwarts, if Sirius doesn't mind. Hagrid can rename him or something, but keep Draco and his friends away from him. He'd be happier there than cooped up in his room.” Harry said, looking at the man.
“Easy enough,” Lucius said, nodding vigorously. “If we can arrange for transporting him back in some way, he can go when it's possible. I'll ensure Draco and his friends are none the wiser.”
“Charlie is around so I'm sure he'll know how to do this,” Sirius said softly. Slipping an arm around Harry, he pulled him close then kissed him on the temple before saying, quietly, “That is a very good idea, one that's very nice. I think Buckbeak will like being back with his own kind in the open spaces again.”
“I thought so too,” Harry said, leaning against Sirius. “It has to be miserable cooped up in that room all the time without being able to fly like he used to.”
Leaning against his godson, holding him, Sirius was pleased with this.
Happy that the young man was asking for simple things, Lucius inquired, “Anything else?”
“Just one and a maybe. First, let the elves do what we suggested for Regulus' room and the painting this morning. It should be easy enough to move it in there and seal it up. Kreacher can get in and out that way. Then, if you all like the movie, maybe we can do that once in a while.” Harry said, looking at the man.
“Consider it done,” Lucius said with a firm nod. “Once we finish breakfast, I will set them to the task. The movie we'll decide when we see the first one.”
“That's fine,” Harry told him. “Once it's all in place and we have an idea how to get Buckbeak back to Hogwarts, Kreacher will give you back your wand.”

Happy with that, Lucius nodded, “It'll be ready this morning, all but the pool and Quidditch pitch.” This was good as he felt vulnerable without his wand.
“I'll get with Charlie this morning and arrange something then explain it to Buckbeak,” Sirius said.
“Now, on to this movie thing—Explain it if you would. I'm rather interested because of the description Severus gave and think this may be enjoyable,” Lucius said, vanishing the papers back to his room and starting to eat.
Picking up his fork, Harry began to describe movies the best he could to the three while he ate.

Standing in front of the Dark Lord's throne, waiting, Severus had his hand on his wand, warily looking around. So far, Nagini hadn't made a move in his direction, but he knew that didn't mean anything. From what he could see, she was slightly distracted by Pettigrew. The rat seemed to be trying to get her to eat him in some kind of suicide attempt, going so far as to try to stuff himself down her throat. It failed, of course, as would be expected. Nagini apparently had the good sense to know he would probably upset her digestive tract and refused to ingest the vermin. Bella rescued her from that by snagging Pettigrew then giving him a spanking before cuddling on and cooing at him again. That relationship—it was decidedly bizarre to be sure. However, he could see the rat's point of view there. To be stuck in your animagus form and given to Bella to play with was about the most extreme version of torture there was. His neon purple fur and being dressed in an eye-bleeding yellow tutu with tiny matching ballet slippers was nightmarish.
Focusing on what the Dark Lord was saying when it became obvious this was something he had to know, Severus snarled when he felt the serpent wrap around him. Of course, she made sure to do this when he wasn't alert to what she might pull. Feeling her give him a squeeze, he sighed, wondering what was next and what he needed to prepare for. However, he was stunned to hear a loud hiss from her, something that actually sounded like she was distressed, then for her to launch herself off of his person with such speed that she spun him around then dropped him. Lying on the floor, blinking, he wondered what that was about.
Shaking his head, wondering what was going on, Severus rose and dusted off his robes, glancing in Crouch Jr.'s direction. Nagini had wrapped herself around the man and was squeezing tightly, hissing in a distressed way that had the Dark Lord looking at her with concern. Crouch, of course, was being deranged and calling for something that sounded like sonic screwdriver to help him with the daleks.
Walking over to soothe the whining, sobbing and sniffling Nagini, Tom was confused as to what was going on. His poor girl was in some kind of mental anguish, that was for certain. Talking to her, keeping a soft tone, he tried to figure out what was wrong. As she explained it, his eyebrows went up and he looked at Severus, who was shooting him a wary gaze. Oh, this—it could work out nicely! Confirming with his poor heartbroken girl to make sure he understood correctly, he soothed her, promising that Barty would be a much better companion for her than the prickly Severus. Once his heartbroken serpent wrapped tightly around Crouch, snuggling him, Tom grinned manically then headed towards Severus so quickly that his robes seemed to dance around him.
Seeing the man start to sputter and inquire as to what was going on, Tom quickly grabbed Severus' free hand and wrapped his own around it in the prescribed ritual manner. Muttering the spell so quickly the words almost ran together, though he made sure to do it correctly, he then tapped both their hands with the wand when he finished. Grinning hugely, he squealed, “Oh, Severus! This is wonderful! I don't know what you did, or how you managed it, but this is so perfect!” Releasing the man's hand, seeing the confused look on the Potion Master's face, Tom began to dance around in happy circles, squealing like a little girl that got everything she wanted for Christmas. Then, grabbing the man when he finished dancing, he kissed him passionately, allowing his tongue to enter Severus' mouth.
Blinking, astonished, looking down at his hand, Severus was trying to deduce the spell that was just performed on him by the Dark Lord. The man said it so quickly that he only picked up a few words of it here and there. However, those words, combined with what he felt and the baby blue almost tattoo-like circle that was now emblazoned around his wrist, had his heart hammering. There was a dawning horror in his eyes as to what the Dark Lord had just done. If it was true, he was running away, forever. Then came the kiss—That was, frankly, blindsiding. Not to mention the Dark Lord stuffed his tongue so far down his throat it triggered his gag reflex. Oh, this was bad. And he didn't even have the crutch of booze to fall back on. They still hadn't sent anyone out to pick up supplies, so he hadn't had a chance to indulge before the summons. This was horrifying.
Clutching Severus close, holding him tightly, Tom was cooing to the man as he made plans. Letting one hand trail down Severus' back, he groped his arse a couple times. That was wonderful, of course, but he frowned slightly at what he felt. “We need to make you eat more, my Severus. You're far too thin for my tastes. Yes, we need to take better care of you so you put on weight! We can handle that, of course. I'll take oh so good care of you.”

Feeling his arse being groped, Severus' eyes bugged out so much that he thought they would fall out of their sockets. The first thing that came to mind was the phrase 'bad touch'. As it went on, he began to stammer then said, voice uneven, “What have you done to me?”

Giggling and squealing, Tom gave the man another tight hug and grope then said, holding him back at arm's length, “Oh my dear Severus! We're bonded! Remus Lupin's wolf claimed you as a mate. There is no undoing that. So, to get that oh so delectable werewolf, I've bonded with you. This works out ever so nicely for all of us! You'll have two bondmates that won't ever leave you and I get my hands on that sexy werewolf! It's win/win, my silly Severus!” Pulling the man in black into another tight hug, Tom began dancing around the room with him, singing show tunes in a falsetto voice, squealing as he did.
As the Dark Lord swirled him around the room like some kind of dancing doll you lugged around, Severus was trying to deal with the ramifications of what he heard. Oh—no! Fuck no! Then came the mantra of dead werewolf. Thinking back, he tried to figure out how Lupin's wolf had claimed him. That he was clueless on until he remembered the scratch marks down his back after their sexual encounter. Stammering and stuttering, face taking on a thunderous look as he realized now what that meant, he began to repeat the phrase dead werewolf over and over in his mind. He was screwed. All there was to it. There was no running away from this. Sputtering, struggling to get loose, the only things he could think of were, first, getting his hands on booze and, second, torturing a werewolf. Someone, somewhere, was going to die before the day was out, at his hands. And he would relish it, greatly!
Finishing up his happy dance, clutching Severus close, Tom dismissed his followers, having Crouch take the poor Nagini to her room as she was trying to commit suicide by hanging herself from one of the wall sconces, though failing at it, he then took Severus' hand and began to drag him towards his chambers. “We now have to consummate the bonding and we're done! This will be oh so much fun, Severus! Then you can go fill that wonderful werewolf in on the happy news!”
Trying to fight being dragged along, Severus was flushed bright red. All he could think was dead werewolf as he was pulled. Lupin was dead, all there was to it, especially with what he knew of the Dark Lord's sexual preferences.
“We'll slide you into some nice sexy undies, I'll get the liquid caramel and whipped cream then we'll have some fun,” Tom expounded flamboyantly, imagining all the enjoyable things to come.
Dead. Werewolf.

DEAD. WEREWOLF!

Snarling, trying to pull away, Severus was calculating what he could do to get out of this, but was side tracked in his thinking to finding the nearest escape route when Tom mentioned something about whips. Oh, this was bad!

Holding a chair up in front of himself, ducking, plastering his back to the wall, Remus was trying to dodge the spells Severus was throwing at him, though most were going wayward anyway. Stammering, he said, “Severus, I think you need to calm down and explain why you're so irate. I have no idea what I might have done to upset you. Until I know, I can't set it to rights!” With that, he hoped Sirius wasn't too busy and had gotten his danger signal. He knew his friend was working with something about moving Buckbeak, but this was an emergency!
Casting more spells at Lupin, snarling as they went awry, Severus thundered, tone and look one that would have sent everyone at Hogwarts running for cover, “You have no idea what you've done and there is no undoing it! You're a dead werewolf! And it'll be in the most painful and torturous way I can come up with!”

Sending off another signal for Sirius, holding the chair out in front of him, Remus soothed, “I need you to explain what I did, Severus. Then we'll work from there. Why don't we sit down and discuss this.” Ducking another spell, he added, hoping to distract the man, “I just got back from the store. There's a fresh supply of firewhiskey.”
Wand trained on the man, blood pounding in his ears, Severus snarled as he steadfastly ignored the steady, painful throb in his arse. “I get the whole bottle to myself, Lupin! No sharing,” he snapped, eyes ablaze.
“All to yourself,” Remus agreed, nodding vigorously. Keeping the chair in front of him, he edged towards the cupboard that had the booze in it. After grabbing one of the bottles, he handed it over to the irate man, who pulled the cork out then downed almost half the contents in one swallow, Remus said, sighing in relief as Sirius and Harry stepped into the kitchen, wands out, “Why don't we sit down and you explain to me what's wrong. Then we'll work on fixing whatever it is.”
“There is no fixing this, Lupin,” Severus sneered, downing more booze then flopping at the table. Putting his head in his hands, he began to explain what the issue was.
Sitting there, listening in dawning horror to what the man was saying, Remus began to stammer, looking wide-eyed between Sirius and Harry, who were now flanking him on either side. When Severus finished, he stuttered out, “No! No way!”
“Yes,” Severus sneered, shaking his head and downing more booze. “We're bonded together thanks to your horny inner-wolf!”
“No, no, no, NO, NO!” Remus said, shaking his head vigorously, voice squeaky.
“Oh, bloody hell,” Sirius moaned, head dropping forward. “You see? This is why we locked you in a closet when you drank. You know how dangerous you are when you've indulged.”
“There has to be a way to undo this! Has. To. Be! No! I cannot accept there isn't!” Remus squeaked out, panicking, eyes so wide they were buggy in appearance.
“The proof there isn't any way to undo it is on my back,” Snape told him, glowering in his direction. Softly, he added, “And from my sore arse.”
“It's consummated? I mean with Tom?” Sirius asked, shaking his head, not sure what to do.
“Yes and it's not something you want details on either,” Severus sneered, downing more booze.
Head dropping onto the table, Remus trembled violently, whining as he did. Oh, hell, this was bad!
Looking around, then giving Sirius a wide-eyed glance, Harry stammered, “And I thought we had it bad with Malfoy! Wow!”
“It's only going to get worse from here on out,” Severus grunted as he sucked down more liquid tranquilizer. “I blame you for this, Lupin!”
Beating his head on the table, Remus began to ponder what spells he knew that might be used to off himself. He couldn't handle this!
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"Why Me?"