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Fifty Blue Shades of Harry	By : hpluv3r Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 13437 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
Draco was disappointed but unsurprised when Harry did not return home that night. He must have returned to Godric's Hollow. Draco attempted to use this opportunity to catch up on some work, but after the second botched potion, he accepted that he was too distracted. Harry unhinged him. All Draco wanted to do was check up on him, see how he was doing after such an intense night. He was upset with himself for giving Harry the opportunity to put his defenses back up.
He also did not want Harry to get the impression that there was another Charley in his life, so Draco knew he had to give him some space. An idea came to him. It may not fix things, but hopefully it would put Harry at ease.
Harry woke up the next morning with a raging headache, reminded of the reason he avoided alcohol. Once he starts, he doesn't know when to stop. The aching vulnerability was still there, if not worse. He forced himself into the shower and then into the kitchen to find something bland enough that he could stomach it. Crackers and broth should be ok. He painstakingly works his way through his breakfast as he wonders what he should do with himself. He wanted to go see Charley, but did not want the redhead to see the aftermath of his night with Draco.
Charley was simple. Harry could deal with simple. He had enjoyed Draco but he had a feeling it would only get more complicated if they continued. Harry admits to himself that he may actually have feelings for the blonde. He learned that night that he would do anything for the other man's approval, anything to please him. This brought Thomas to mind. Thomas fell in love with Draco and the blonde rejected him. Harry's heart ached for him. He would not make the same mistake.
Perhaps he could get his old job back at the local wand shop. It's only been a few weeks, they might not have anyone yet. Open to other options, Harry makes his way outside to grab the paper, only to see that he had mail as well. A letter lay on top of the paper, nothing but his name written on the envelope.
After checking it for any hexes or spells, he brings it inside and sits down to open it.
Harry,
I have attached the business card of someone who can help you cleanse. She is the best at what she does, and she has helped me very much in the past. Please give her a try.
Draco
Hearing from the blonde was enough to throw Harry into turmoil. He wanted to be upset that the blonde had tracked him down, but he also knew anyone with half a brain would figure out he had returned home. He was both grateful and disappointed that Draco had not acknowledged the fact that he had left. It was for the best.
Looking at the business card, the woman's name was Penelope Ramsey. She was a 'spiritual healer'. Draco had went to see a spiritual healer? The man was full of surprises. Harry would give her a try.
Draco arranges for the letter to be owled to the Potter cottage. He had wanted to be the one to help Harry cleanse, but accepts that he was not the right person to do it. Penelope is a truly wonderful person, she would help Harry in more ways than he expects. Draco hoped that Harry would accept the offer.
-Five Years Earlier-
Draco was a wounded mess. Severus Snape was dead, his house burnt down, and his parents had abandoned him. All he had left was the small amount of money that Severus had left him. He used it to get the first available space that he could find, a small apartment in Diagon Alley.
For a while he had no perception of time. He spent hours at a time in a daze, trying to wrap his head around all of the sudden changes to his life. He had no friends or family, he was truly alone for the first time ever.
It was unbearable.
No one cared if he lived or died.
Eventually, the money ran out. He had attempted to reach his parents several times, but to no avail.
And on one drunken night, he took a knife to his wrists. It was not until this moment that he realized he wasn't truly alone.
The knife bent away from him, as though knowing his intent and disagreeing. Confused, Draco tried again, with something else, and then something else. Nothing would work.
He wasn't allowed to die either.
After several moments, a howler flies through his window, and he hears the voice of a man he expected never to hear again.
Draco,
If you are receiving this, it means I am no longer with you.
I am so sorry, my dear boy. Life has truly given you a bad hand.
This letter has been charmed to find you if your life is at risk.
I want you to know that you are never truly alone.
Light can be found in the darkest of places.
I truly wish that I could be there for you myself Draco.
But as I cannot, I have found someone that can.
Her name is Penelope Ramsey. She is a dear friend.
She will be able to answer your questions.
And Draco,
Life is worth living. My final wish is for you see that.
I love you. (The words are completely foreign to Draco's ears, and he wishes he could go back and rewind this part)
Your godfather.
Harry arranged for an appointment that evening. He was nervous, unsure of what to expect.
A thin, older woman opened the door. She looked to be somewhere in her upper 50s. She had very kind eyes and a very bright smile. She motions for Harry to come in and have a seat.
"Hello Harry, how are you?" She asks encouragingly
"Hello Ms. Ramsey. I'm alright thanks, and yourself?" he responds, trying to mimic her positivity.
"Please, call me Penelope! I'm doing just fine thank you." she responds, before continuing
"So tell me Harry, what brings you here today?"
"Er. Well, I'm trying to become a wand maker, but I've been told my core is entangled. I was hoping I might be able to fix that."
"Ah, I see. Do you have any idea how you might be able to get that done?" she asks forwardly.
"Honestly, I haven't a clue... thats why I'm here." Harry points out, feeling self conscious under the woman's gaze.
She laughs lightly in response. She had a nice laugh.
"Aha, well that makes sense. I will try my best to help! Here is the thing about magical cores. They're quite finicky. Wands are also quite finicky, which is why it often takes ages to find a good one." She continues.
"Core entanglement can be caused by anything from unhealthy eating habits to a troubled mind or even simply lack of use. I think the best way to start with this is by having me ask a few questions. How does that sound?"
"Sure, that's fine." Harry responds, encouraged by her familiarity with the issue.
"Great, so tell me. What does your average day look like?"
"Well, I wake up around 9, 7 if I have work. I always eat breakfast, and I like to eat healthy, so usually oatmeal or fruit pancakes or something like that. If I have work, I get back around 5 or so. I eat again, and find something to keep me busy until I get tired, which is usually around midnight." he responds, unsure about whether or not this was an adequate answer.
"Wonderful, I like eating healthy myself. Makes you feel good, yeah? Now, do you find yourself trying to keep busy often?"
"Yes, actually. I have a lot of time on my hands these days."
"What do you like to do for fun?" she asks.
"Er.. well, I used to fly a lot, though I haven't in a while. Lately I've been reading."
"Oh, really? Wonderful! Have you read anything good lately?"
"Not really, no. It's actually mostly educational stuff. I've actually been reading up on the history of war, muggle books though."
"Oh, thats no fun! You must read this one. It's one of my favorites!."
She gets up to grab a book from one of her shelves. It was also muggle. It was titled 'The Giver'. She hands it to Harry and sits back down.
"Thanks, I will!" Harry responds, quite curious as to what Penelope enjoyed reading.
"Now, why war?" she continues
"Well, I mean, we just got out of one. I dunno." Harry shrugs, unsure.
"That is very true. Would you say it's affected you greatly then?"
This question throws Harry off. Of course it did. Surely this lady knew who he was, she didn't need to pretend.
"You know it did." he responds, a bit bothered by her attempt to placate him.
"All I know is what you tell me Harry." she says, adding a stern tone to her voice.
Stubbornly, Harry responds.
"You know loads more than what I'm telling you. You lived through the war too." he insists.
"Yes, that is true. But my experience with the war and how it affected me has nothing to do with your experiences, yes?" she responds.
"I suppose." Harry concedes.
"Now, Harry, I want you to think about how you're feeling. How do you feel now, compared to when you first walked into this room?"
Harry takes a moment to think about this.
"I feel... angrier.. I think.." he says, quickly continuing, "not at you, of course!" not wanting her to get the wrong idea.
She smiles kindly. "Well at who then?"
"I dunno, no one really. It was just an upsetting time is all."
"Does talking about it make you uncomfortable?"
"Yes." he responds, short.
"Would you say that it's because you're trying to shut those memories out?" she persists.
"I suppose."
"If you had a boggart in your bedroom, would you fix the situation by moving to a different room?"
"No, obviously not.." Harry responds, not liking where she was going with this.
"Why not?" she asks.
"Because the boggart is still going to be there... waiting for the poor sucker that opens that door next."
"Yes, exactly Harry. The boggart will be there until someone faces it. And you would have to live knowing that it's there waiting for that 'poor sucker' as you described it." she laughs again.
"Are you trying to say that I should talk about the war?" he asks, getting to the point.
"Not that you should. You need to. The stress needs to be relieved."
"I can't"
"Why not?"
"I just can't"
There is an awkward moment of silence after he says this a second time. Eventually he continues.
"I'm not ready, not today."
"Good! Thats perfectly fine, I just need you to know that it has to come out. Ok?" she asks.
"Yes, I understand." and he did, he just didn't like it.
"Will that cleanse my core?" he asks.
"Definitely! However, I cannot say that it will do so completely. Are there any other things you know you may need to talk about?"
"Not particularly, no. I'm pretty comfortable speaking up in general..."
She looks at him expectantly, as though asking him to think of something to say.
"Er, well. I haven't been using my magic very much. You said that could be a problem."
"Yes, it could be. Why haven't you been using your magic?"
"Well, like I said, I haven't been doing much at all, other than trying to keep busy."
"Have you considered attending a spar gym?" she asks.
"There was so much of that... during the war... I'm tired of it."
"Hmm..." she ponders this for a moment before continuing.
"Battle isn't exactly the same as a spar, is it?"
"I mean, it's basically the same." Harry responds.
"Fundamentally, perhaps. But the intent could not be any more different. Perhaps you've let the war suck the fun out of it?"
"It has never been fun. I was taught kill or be killed. I have no interest in spars." he says definitively.
"Alright, fine. I understand. Just keep it in mind will you? If the opportunity comes around to dilly dally with a friend?"
"I suppose" he responds.
"At least try to use your magic a bit more casually."
"Ok." he would try.
"Oh Harry, I have the perfect thing for you!" she gets up excitedly, this time scrounging around one of the drawers in her desk. She eventually pulls out a pamphlet and hands in to Harry.
'Reparations: Five Years Later' it read. Harry looks up at her inquisitively.
"As you've said, the war has affected us all. People are still struggling. There are still kids trying to make their way alone. How would you like to help?"
Harry considers this. It sounded great, it really did. But how could he looks those kids in the eyes, knowing that he had played a part in their misery?
"I don't know. They might blame me, it might do more harm than good." he says.
"Hmm... maybe.. maybe not.. but this isn't exactly about you is it? It's about helping those kids whether they appreciate it or not."
Harry nods his head, she's right. He had plenty of money. It doesn't matter how much those kids hate him. They could use his help. Maybe he could even do some anonymous work.
"You're right. Thank You." he says honestly.
This was something he could put his time into.
"Thats great Harry, I think we've done plenty for today. When will I see you again?" she asks.
"What do you recommend?"
"Twice a week, so Thursday maybe? Same time?"
"Yes, I'll be here."
Harry gets up to leave, thanking her earnestly before going.
He did not expect that go the way it did, he had honestly expected it to go horribly. He felt comfortable talking to her, and now he had something to look forward too.
- 13
- 14
- 15
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Fifty Blue Shades of Harry