Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Dignosco Perturbatio	By : KianaD Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1771 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
same warnings and disclaimer from chapter one apply. Still slashy, smutty, silly, and not beta'ed. Reviews would be nice, but I'm not forcing you. Enjoy. :D

"My arse is frozen," Draco said, speaking finally. "Fucking snow."
"Well that tends to happen when one sits in it," Snape replied as he helped his Draco to his feet. "You should probably go back and change before you fall ill."
"Or you could be a chum and wave your wand at my arse," Draco answered dryly. "You usually like to do that."
"I could," Snape replied with a smirk, "but I believe a long bath would serve you much better. However, as you wish�" With a quick swish and flick of his wand, Snape then cast first a drying charm and then a warming charm in quick succession. "Better?" he drawled.
"Your bedside manner leaves me positively giddy," Draco said, laughing softly. "And thank you. Shall we?"
Snape merely rolled his eyes and nodded, extending one arm for Draco to lead the way. Under normal circumstances he may have been inclined to reciprocate, replying in the usual flirtatious manner of speaking that they so often fell into when alone or with Remus, but he was too troubled, too concerned and he simply didn't feel in the mood.
"After you," he replied quietly with a gracious nod of his head. "I do hope you are prepared for the wrath of a certain two lions which I am sure will greet us upon our return. I for one do not look forward to it."
Draco shrugged, taking the lead as they continued the walk back to the castle. "However will we survive it, I wonder," he drawled.
"Oh I am sure you will cope. I dare say you could probably talk Potter around to almost anything you desired, if you put your mind to it," Snape replied, raising a brow at his Godson. "We both know how persuasive you can be."
"As I know you can with Remus," Draco rejoined with a grin. "Making your worrying for naught, I believe."
Snape laughed softly and shook his head. "Ability to talk him around and actually enjoying having to do it are two entirely different things, Draco. I would much rather prefer he wasn't upset in the first place. However�" he paused here to look seriously at Draco. "That doesn't mean I regret coming with you today. I merely should have had the presence of mind to inform him that we would be gone so he didn't worry."
Tilting his head at his Godfather, Draco considered that. "Had I said something, or even left a note for Harry, he would have been angry anyway," he mused, half to himself. "You will offer Remus my apologies?"

It was a courtesy question, as he knew Severus would. Still, he waited for Severus to nod before continuing. "I will come by a little later to explain things to him."
"I am sure he would appreciate that," Snape replied, stopping at the door to the room he shared with Lupin to give Draco a polite nod before entering.
It hadn't taken him long to pacify Remus, not once he had explained where he had been and what they had been doing. He didn't enter into any details, feeling that it would be best for Draco to explain things himself, or not depending on what he chose to do. Therefore, it was only thirty minutes later when he found himself walking down the corridor towards Potter's room, a salve in his pocket that would work to healing Draco's hand.
Harry heard the sharp knock on the door, laying the book he was pretending to read on the table and wondering why Draco had suddenly taking to knocking. After all, he should have been back by now and it was unlikely to be anyone else, and so when he opened the door and found Snape standing there he couldn't help but look surprised.
"Well, are you going to stand there all day Potter or are you intending inviting me in?" Snape said testily. He wanted to hand the salve over and be done with it, spending as little time in Potter's company as possible.
Harry opened the door a bit more, standing to the side to allow Snape entrance.
"I've come to see Draco," he said coolly. "I have an ointment that will soothe his hand."
Harry's confusion deepened as his eyes moved to the small tub that Snape was holding. "He isn't here," he replied, frowning at the way the words caught in his throat. If he wasn't with Snape, then where was he?
"What do you mean he isn't here?" Snape replied irritably, eyes moving around the room in search of him as though he didn't believe Potter.
"Just what I said. He isn't here. I thought he was with you." Harry was fast becoming anxious. It was silly, he knew, but Draco had seemed upset and he was obviously hurt and now no one knew where he was, and Harry could feel the panic rise as he heard the door open behind him, watching as Draco sauntered in.
"Where the bloody hell have you been?" he glared, relief washing over him in a flood but just as quickly replaced by annoyance. He had intended to not make a big deal over Draco's disappearance, thinking that he had probably been through enough that day already (whatever that was) without Harry adding to it, but he was just so relieved that he was seemingly in one piece that all such thoughts completely slipped his mind. At that moment, Harry wasn't certain if he wanted to hug him or thump him one.
Surprised by the irritation in Harry�s voice, Draco blinked at him once before shifting his eyes to face his Godfather. The amused knowledge was lingering there behind the constant irritation that was always present when Severus and Harry were near each other.
"Hogsmeade," he drawled slowly, turning back to answer Harry.

Snape watched as Potter continued to glare, although he had to admit to being slightly taken aback by his obvious concern over Draco's whereabouts. He knew of his Godson's feelings for Potter, although he had honestly doubted whether Potter himself would be able to see past his own prejudice regarding their history to truly reciprocate, however it seemed as though he had. Truthfully, Snape was unsure how he felt about this. He supposed however, that so long as Draco was happy it was of little importance what he thought.
"I brought you some salve for your hand," he said after a few moments when no one else seemed willing to speak. "It should soothe the burn and ensure that no scarring results."
"Thank you Severus," Draco smiled, but he made no movement to take the salve.
Harry watched as Draco flashed a grin at Snape, himself nodding to his retreating figure before crossing the room and retaking his seat, picking his book back up and returning to pretending to read.
"You should probably put some of that stuff on," he said casually after a few moments. "If it was important enough for him to come here with it you'd probably be better to do it sooner rather than later."
Draco nodded, taking the time to study Harry as he sat with his face behind the book. He was obviously lit about something, which Draco quite correctly guessed to be a lack of explanation. Before Draco could say anything however, the basket he was hiding behind him made a small sound that snapped Harry�s attention back to him.
"What was that?" he asked frowning, noticing for the first time how Draco hadn't moved an inch since he had entered the room. "And why do you look like you're rooted to the spot?"
Draco moved several paces toward Harry just to prove contrary. "Why don�t you come find out?"
Snorting quietly, Harry put his book down and moved to stand in front of Draco. "Well?" he asked, irritation leaving him much quicker than he was happy about as the compulsion to just hug and kiss the other man in relief that he was okay, took its turn on his personal emotional roller coaster.
"Closer," Draco murmured with a slight grin.
Sighing as he shook his head, face lowered to the floor to hide the fact that his lips were twitching, Harry folded his arms over his chest in an attempt to appear defiant even as he took a couple of more steps forward. "You any intention of telling me what this is about yet?"
"I thought it would be more� interesting if you were to discover�" another small sound from behind Draco interrupted him, and he too fought for control not to laugh "�it for yourself."
That time the sound was unmistakable to Harry and his eyes shot up to fix on Draco, laughter winning the battle over his annoyance as he began to grin.
"What the bloody hell have you gone and done?" he asked, regardless of the fact that he didn't really need an answer; he just wanted Draco to tell him.
"Oh, you know. I was remembering last night how you said you were keeping an open mind and what, so I � bought you a little pussy?" Draco smirked as he brought the basket around front, and handed it to Harry.
Harry kept his eyes on Draco even as he accepted the basket from him, an amused half smile on his face as he eventually looked down to find a tiny little ball of pitch black fluff looking up at him and mewing softly.
"Draco�" he gasped softly as his eyes took in the sight before him.
It was the most adorable thing that Harry had ever seen, and as he set the basket down on the floor, picking the kitten up gently and cradling it between his palms, he met Draco's gaze again, leaning in slightly to brush their lips together before pulling back a little and whispering, "Thank you."
Draco merely nodded in reply, although he was pleased Harry liked the� thing. "Don�t think this means that you will be allowed to get away with giving me less attention," he warned. "And she doesn�t have a name yet, either."
"As if I would," Harry grinned in reply, holding the tiny ball to his face and nosing it gently. "And�Lily, I think. For the name I mean," he said softly.
"Yes, well. Merry Christmas?" Draco said abruptly before grabbing his bag out of the corner that he had dropped it the day before. "I need to change and then go speak with Remus. I would appreciate it if you came so I don�t need to say what I will more than once," he said, as he removed his shirt.
Harry felt the concern and trepidation that he had felt before slowly begin to return as he nodded.
"Yeah, okay." he replied quietly, setting Lily carefully back down into the basket. "You're not�well�badly hurt, are you?" he asked nervously.
Draco looked up in surprise, shaking his head before slipping a fresh pair of trousers on. "No, I am not," he said. "Oh, my hand? Just a minor freezing burn." He straightened his clean shirt, ran a hand through his hair and nodded. "Ready then? And don�t leave her there, bring her with you. The lady I bought her from said she needs to get use to you."
Harry smiled weakly as he nodded, bending to lift the basket carefully as Lily had since seemed to have fallen asleep and he didn't want to disturb her.
Walking towards the door, he held it open for Draco.
"Well if you're sure you're okay�" He couldn't help but not quite be convinced. Sure, his hand, however he received the injury may not have been serious but Draco certainly hadn't looked okay the last time Harry had seen him. Although he suspected that the reasons behind this is what he was about to explain to Lupin.
"I am. Am looking forward to dinner though," he added. Draco tilted his head at Harry for a moment, as though a thought had just occurred to him. "You will be all right with the four of us having dinner?"
Harry hadn't actually given the matter very much thought, thinking that he would just have dinner here in his room, alone even, should Draco have wanted to remain with Lupin and Snape. However, he found himself offering a strained smile as he nodded.
"Yeah. Fine." Really, the sooner he started to get used to this the better, and there was no time like the present.
The tension in Harry's voice did not on unnoticed by Draco and he walked slowly toward the other man, closing the door and leaning against it. "Lucius did not plan on only serving Morrigan as a sacrifice. Birget and myself were to be delivered as well." He took hold of Lily's basket and set it on the floor between them before taking the metal box out of his pocket and opening it, giving the papers to Harry.
"It won't take Lucius long to figure out I found these papers, and when he does, well. I would imagine your demise would flitter to second for the time being. What you are holding is enough to keep Lucius locked up, for good this time. That is why I am forcing you into a dinner with Remus and Severus tonight."
Harry's eyes roamed over the parchment even as he listened to Draco speak. He felt sick; not only because of what he had just discovered but also because he couldn't help but believe that this was his fault. Not what Lucius had planned to do to Draco, he knew that was a product of Lucius' own twisted mind, but the fact that Draco's life was now in even greater danger than it had been before. He was trying to help him. Trying to find a way to get rid of Lucius once and for all and in doing so had as good as signed his own death warrant in the process. No wonder he was so upset earlier, and Harry couldn't help but snort to himself at the enormity of that understatement.
Determined not to show the other man exactly how panicked he was by the whole thing, he carefully handed the papers back to Draco, forcing his face into a neutral expression so he could smile and nod, pointedly trying not to make a bigger deal of this by adding to it with his dramatics.
"You aren't forcing me to do anything," he said quietly. "I'm perfectly happy to come. As for this�" he inclined his head towards the parchment, "we'll deal with it, but like you said, you'd prefer not to go through it more times than you have to so lets just wait until we meet the others yeah?"
"I merely wanted to explain," Draco said. He folded up the paper and replaced it with a tired sigh, suddenly uninterested in dinner, or even going anywhere.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean�"
Sighing, Harry ran a hand down his face. He wasn't very going at this whole being unemotional thing even though sometimes he knew it was probably for the best. He just couldn't shake the feeling that he'd somehow made Draco think that he didn't care, when in fact nothing could be further from the truth. He cared a lot. More than he realised, in fact and he wanted this dealt with as much as anyone else; he just didn't want to do anything to make things worse like he usually did.
"Look," he continued after a few moments. "Why don't you stay here. Go lie down, have a nap or something. I'll go and explain to Snape and maybe he can tell Lupin what happened to save you having to go through it again. I'm pretty sure he went with you today anyway. I can bring you back something to eat too, if you want."
Draco did not even consider Harry�s offer for a minute. "Yes, actually. I think I would prefer that."
"Okay," Harry smiled, reaching out to gently squeeze Draco's arm in a rather futile gesture of reassurance, but really it was the best he could do. He just felt so helpless, with no clue what to do for the best or how to make things better, and it just made him want to scream in frustration and anger, and why the hell couldn't people just leave them alone anyway?
"Is there anything in particular you want to eat?" he asked as he gently moved Lily's basket out of the way. "I can stop by the kitchens and get the elves to whip you up whatever you want. I'm sure they won't mind."
"You bring back whatever, I am not picky," he said with a slight smile, knowing just how untruthful that was.
"Yeah right. You not picky? And I'm the tooth fairy," Harry grinned as he gently coaxed Draco away from the door. "I won't be long though. Is there�well�any particular message you want me to pass on to Snape and Lupin?"
"That I shall speak with them later tonight," Draco said, reached out to grab Harry�s arm as he passed. He did not move once he caught Harry however, just stood there, but he did not let go, either.
"Okay," Harry replied, glancing down at Draco's fingers wrapped firmly around his arm and frowning a little before catching the other man's gaze again.
"It'll be fine, you know," he smiled, voice containing a conviction that surprised even him as he slowly brought one hand to rest lightly against Draco's cheek.
"I know," Draco said, serious. "I just like being dramatic."
Harry laughed softly as he shook his head. "You? Dramatic? Never would have imagined that."
Draco snorted in reply and dropped his hand from Harry's arm, leaving him free to leave.
He walked briskly towards Snape and Lupin's room, barely pausing when he arrived to knock on the door, bouncing impatiently on the balls of his feet for someone to answer. Unusually to Harry's relief, it was Snape and so he was able to relay the message, forward their apologies and leave with little delay, heading down towards the school kitchens to fetch them both something to eat and arriving back in his room a short time later.
Upon entering, Draco was no where to be seen, so fearful that he may have fallen asleep Harry quietly placed the tray containing their meals on the table at the side and quietly walked into the bedroom. Still coming up empty there, he paused for a moment, hearing the faint sound of gently splashing water coming from the bathroom.
Crossing the room, he paused at the door, finding it slightly ajar. Usually he'd just enter, but he didn't want to startle Draco, what with everything that was going on, so he knocked softly before peeking his head around the door.
Draco was in the bath, water dampened hair falling about his eyes as one arm was draped over the side of the bath and into the basket that he had taken with him from the living room, the faint sound of purring coming from Lily as she lapped contentedly at his fingers. Harry was almost loathe to disturb the peaceful scene, and so he decided he would just let him know he was back, that food was ready for when he was ready for it and then leave the two of them to continue to�well, bond he supposed with a warm smile.
"Hiya," he grinned somewhat sheepishly, "Food's ready when you want it, but I'll keep it warm for you until you're ready."
"It will last," Draco said, raising a shoulder. "You know, Potter. Your cat is a poor substitute." He raised his hand, dripping a bit of water on Lily�s head, earning him a hiss before she bolted back into the other room.

"For what?" Harry replied, watching with amusement as the little black ball of fur bounded past his feet as fast as its little legs would carry it. "Don't think she liked that much."
"She�ll survive," Draco snickered. He sobered as he looked up at Harry through his lashes, giving the other man a long, appraising long. "For you, I meant. I only want one person to be licking me right now, and that would be you."

Harry shouldn't have been as surprised by that statement as he was, but he could already feel the colour rush to his cheeks as his eyes averted themselves from Draco's gaze of their own accord, feet shifting uncomfortably on the stone floor breaking the silence with gentle scuffing sounds.
The mention of him being the 'only' person Draco wanted at that moment didn't go unnoticed by Harry. Coming from anyone else, it would have been a perfectly innocent comment, but in light of Draco's rather unconventional circumstances, the expression took on a completely new level of seriousness, and that alone was enough to cause his stomach to do pleasant little acrobatic flips.
Taking a few hesitant steps into the room, Harry perched himself on the edge of the bath, allowing his hand to fall over the side to barely skim the surface of the water.
"Well I'm better than a cat?" he smirked, bringing his eyes back to slowly meet Draco's. "Suppose I should be grateful for that at least."
Reaching up, Draco threaded his fingers through Harry�s. "That, Harry, remains to be seen," he said quietly, with a small grin. He dropped Harry�s hand, and then a fluid motion, stood.
"So you're not just going to take my word for it then?" Harry smirked, trying desperately hard to not been too distracted by the fact that he had a very wet, and very naked Draco standing in front of him perfectly positioned for�
Well, Harry may have made some pretty poor choices in the past with regards to who he slept with but that didn't mean failed to pick up a thing or two along the way, and grabbing Draco and sucking him off right this second, however appealing that thought may be, would have been sort of anti climatic. In the non-literal sense of course though.
Curious as to the conflicting, nameless emotions flittering on Harry�s face, Draco angled his head slightly at him, curious. "What are you thinking?" he asked, voice husky.
"Mainly that I spend to much time thinking," Harry replied with a sage nod. "I blame you, you know."
And it was true. Since Draco had made that comment about Harry seeing everything in black and white, it had almost been as though he was incapable of doing so. Nothing was simple or straightforward anymore, but instead came in an array of greys and endless possibilities. Like now, for instance. It wasn't enough for him to just know one of them was going to end up shagging the other through the nearest surface; Harry had actually started to think about the multitude of ways in which they could actually do it; almost coming close at one point to listing them in order of preference or technical complexity.
"Yeah," he echoed, eyes widening slightly. "Way too much time thinking."
Draco blinked. "You are thinking that you are spending too much time thinking about how much time you spend thinking? And it never occurred to you that your thought process may be some what counterproductive?"
"I never said it made sense," Harry replied petulantly, because when you put it like that it really didn't make any sense at all. "But in my defence you did ask, making me think about it all over again when I could have been done already."
"Apparently I shall know better than to ask you what you are thinking about in the future then," Draco said with a laugh.
"Mmm, maybe," Harry replied, stretching out a hand and allowing it to come to rest lightly on Draco's hip, stroking the bone there gently with his thumb and wiping away the rivulets of water that still trickled down his skin.
The flickering thoughts were visible again on Harry�s face. It was not that Harry seemed distressed by his line, or lines, of thought, despite his somewhat huffy reply moments before. It was just that Draco could read the lines of curiosity but he did not understand them. "What are you thinking about now?" he asked before he could stop himself.
Harry laughed softly, sliding his hand to small of Draco's back and pulling him gently closer as he himself rose effortlessly to his feet.
"You, mainly." he replied quietly, brushing a damp lock of hair out of Draco's eyes before catching the other man's gaze.
"Oh?" Draco asked, voice equally quiet as he leaned forward, just slightly, into Harry�s touch. "What about me?"
Harry didn't even know where to start answering that question. The past few days had been a tempest of conflicting emotions, Draco being the catalyst for almost all of them. He'd rather unceremoniously wrangled his way back into Harry's life, proceeded to turn his whole world on its head and yet somehow, somehow, managed to make it better in the process; even in spite of the reasons that had caused him to seek Harry out in the first place.
"Mainly�uhh�it's just that�"
Harry frowned, words to adequately explain what he thought continuing to elude him, despite their clarity in his mind. In addition, he also felt a bit silly, vulnerable and more than a little nervous too if he was honest. Despite the fact that he was an emotional person, (overly so some would argue) he never actually spoke of these emotions, and now he was looking to do just that to the last person alive he would have ever considered doing so to before two nights ago.
"You've changed everything." Harry laughed softly, shaking his head. "What I think of you, how I feel�just� everything." He bent slightly then, pressing a wet kiss to Draco's shoulder, burying his face in the other man's neck because somehow not having him look at him as he said what he was about to say, made it that bit easier to do.
"And this is probably the wrong time to bring it up," he mumbled, frowning at the way the words caught in his throat. "But if you want to�well�continue with�uh�you know, then I don't mind."
Draco was caught in an overwhelming mix of emotions, unsure and uncertain how to proceed. He went a bit stiff at Harry�s statement � not out of anger or even disgust, but pure shock. "Harry? Harry, look at me."
When he did, Draco raised a brow, giving the other man a slight grin in encouragement. "I do believe that adds to it, doesn�t it. And while I would like to continue talking about this, I think we ought to as much as it pains me to say that, I would prefer not to be dripping water and naked wet."
He shook his head ruefully. "You may say I have changed things for you all you want, Potter. You�ve been no better for me, you know," he grinned. "Come on, let�s finish this some place warmer."
"Hmm, yeah." Harry replied with a weak smile. He was almost beginning to wish he hadn't said anything at all. There had been so many heavy conversations over the course of the past couple of days that he really didn't know if he could handle many more. However, he had said something, and he knew that he believed what he said and really the sooner it was discussed and out of the way, the sooner they could get onto�other things.
Reaching behind him, he grabbed a towel from the rail on the wall and thrust it gently into Draco's chest.
"Great pity that. I rather like you naked and wet. Wouldn't want you to get a cold though. Oh! And I almost forgot!" Slipping his wand out of his pocket, he muttered something quietly, gave it a little flick towards the floor before disappearing into the bedroom and doing the same, returning a few seconds later.
"Wouldn't want your feet to get cold after all," he grinned.
"Naked I can do, and plan on doing," Draco replied with a lavish wink. "Cold and wet? Well, they don�t always bode well for a man�s� ego."
He wrapped the towel around his waist after making a half-hearted and quick attempt at drying himself. Satisfied, he took Harry by the wrist and let him to the bedroom. With a content sigh, he pulled the covers over his legs and waited for Harry to join him.
"While your � linguistics make understanding you somewhat of a challenge, I am fairly certain I understood what you were saying. Oh, don�t look at me like that," Draco grinned. "It is somewhat� endearing, really. And I do like a challenge." He laughed as Harry smacked him none-too-gently with a pillow. "You�re barbaric, you realise this?"
He took the pillow away from Harry and placed it behind him before grabbing Harry by the hands again. Draco studied the other man for a moment then, with an air of detachment � an air that stayed with him in the tone of his next assertion. "But to answer you, Harry. I appreciate what you said, probably more than you understand. I also understand what you said last night, and what is more, I agree. I will not tolerate the thought of you sneaking off with anyone else and I do not plan to do that to you either.
"I am not certain you comprehend fully what it means, having a relationship with more than one person. And no, that was not an insult. It is just that the matter is complicated and I am not certain I could tell you. But Harry�" he paused here, a flicker of emotion passing through his face. "I would only do so, with Severus, Remus or with anyone, only with you."
Harry wasn't entirely certain what it was that Draco was saying. As much as he said that Harry's linguistics made it hard for him to understand him, Harry had more or less found the same to be true of Draco. He was constantly finding himself confused and at a loss as to what the other man was saying; misinterpreting his meanings and so forth, so he couldn't help but wonder if there would ever be a time when they were able to have a conversation and actually understand each other perfectly with no misunderstanding whatsoever.
Then of course there was the subject matter. Draco was right; Harry didn't understand what it meant. How in the world could he? He'd never encountered anything like this before let alone been a part of it, and he still wasn't sure of how exactly he would fit in. Sure it had sort of been touched on when Draco had made a joke about Harry and Lupin the previous night, at least he thought it was a joke, but they were both pretty much flying blind at this point, fumbling around in the dark and trying to figure out how to make things work. For Harry's part, if Draco wanted to continue with Snape and Lupin that was one thing. Harry would work around it, accept it, and try not to be bothered by it. However, if Draco actually expected him, or wanted to him join in in some way� Well, that was a little different and personally, Harry wasn't sure if he was ready for that quite yet.
"You�you mean you'd only be with them if I was there? And you'd want me to�with them� seriously?"
He wasn't disgusted by the idea, oddly enough considering one of the parties was Snape, but Harry's perception of him had shifted slightly anyway and he didn't have quite the same revulsion for his former Professor that he used to. But still this was huge and frankly Harry wasn't certain if there was enough whisky in the world that would make him want to shag Snape, and quite frankly he wouldn't be at all surprised if that turned out to be the first thing that Snape and he actually ever agreed on.
Draco shrugged with all the carelessness of a person discussing the weather, although his grin widened slightly at the shock in Harry�s voice. "That is what I said, yes. Remus and Severus trust each other, as Severus trusts me with Remus and Remus with Severus. None of it would mean anything more than a deceitful fuck otherwise. It is the same with me� and you. I would trust you the same as I would anyone else I would be involved with. The basics are the same, Harry. If I were to find you fucking someone else, I would kill you both with no questions asked. But a pre-agreed upon and mutual encounter would be different, do you understand what I mean?"
"Er�yeah, I think so," Harry replied, sounding rather dazed. It did make sense, when put like that but he still wasn't sure he wanted any part of it other than agreeing to Draco continuing with it.
"I knew coming into this that even if you were okay with what had happened that you might not be okay with it happening," Draco said with a shrug. "I am not in a hurry to push the issue either way, so if you prefer not to talk about it, we don�t have to."
"I never said that," Harry frowned, "and nor do I think it is a good idea to keep putting off talking about it until another time, because then another time comes and it is just put off again�and again�and in the end it will never be dealt with."
He looked up at Draco then to find the other man's expression had once again become completely neutral. The familiar emotionless appearance that Harry had seen him wear so often was all the more difficult to bear now, having seen brief glimpses of the feelings the other man harboured on the rare occasions that he relaxed enough to allow the mask to slip briefly.
"You don't have to do that, you know," he said softly, smiling gently as he caught Draco's gaze, narrowing his own eyes in earnest. "I mean, I understand why you've had to hide your feelings in the past, I do, but you don't have to do it with me."

Of course he did, Draco thought. Even more so because it was Harry. "If you are wanting an overemotional and expressive person, you are looking in the wrong direction," he warned. "I am neither and you shouldn�t expect demonstrations nor emotional outbursts from me."
"No, I suppose not."
Harry couldn't help but flinch slightly as he felt his insides churn a little at the proclamation. He knew that Draco wasn't often prone to such acts of behaviour, but it was almost as though he was taking great pains to ensure that Harry knew that it was highly unlikely that he would ever see such displays of emotion. And it hurt. A lot.
"I saw you earlier," he said softly, almost wishing he hadn't the moment the words passed his lips; but he couldn't help it. He knew Draco had a bond with Snape, knew they understood each other and that he trusted him beyond his trusting of anyone else. But how could he then sit there, talk to Harry of trust and faithfulness if he was unwilling to share that side of himself with him, but do so with others. If he didn't trust Harry enough to be that open with him.
Perhaps it was Harry. Maybe he just expected too much from people. Just because it was his way to more or less always have his emotions on full view it didn't mean that was the way for everyone, and he knew the dangers that such expressions would mean for Draco. But he wasn't asking him to proclaim them to the world; just to him. But maybe that really was a little too much to ask.
Draco�s eyes narrowed a little at the confession, but his voice was not angry. He had seen the way Harry had recoiled at Draco�s words and really, it was enough to make Draco want to take back what he had said. Almost. "In those I trust, I hold no regard for one more than the other. Severus is� safe and if I did stray too far from� if it became a danger to others, or myself, he would anchor me back in. Yet I cannot take advantage of that either, nor would I expect anyone else to bear that burden."
Nodding, Harry forced his lips into a smile. "I understand." he replied, carefully ensuring his voice remained light. "It is hardly a burden, but you have to do what you think is for the best, right?"
"Just because you are seemingly invincible in the face of danger does not mean I want to be the one to make you face it," Draco rejoined in a tight voice.
Harry gazed at Draco for a moment, startled not only by the harsh tone of his voice but also by his words before sadly shaking his head and snorting indignantly.
"Yeah, invincible. That's me. If you want a Dark Lord defeated, all you need to do is go to Harry Potter. He can kill them, you know. It was what he was born for. Then when it's done, pat him on the back, shake his hand, tell him 'good job' and send him on his way to god only knows what because you've spent so long moulding him for that task, making him eat, breath and sleep it, forcing it to become his main objective in life so that when it's over�what's left? It doesn't matter that he'll have to live with the knowledge that he became a murderer for the rest of his life. Yeah, we excuse it because it was Voldemort, but it doesn't change the fact that is what I am."
He let out a hollow laugh then, shaking his head as he rubbed his eyes from beneath his glasses. "Sorry, sort of a touchy subject I guess."
"Do you think I do not understand that?" Draco asked softly. "That anyone who fought in either war doesn�t? No, I know you are different, trust me I know. We just handle it differently Harry. For me, I do not� I cannot put anyone through pain and hurt and very fucking possibly death just because I care. Birget merely had the misfortune of marrying me, and yet her murder is on my hands now.
"Lucius no doubt knows of your feelings, and while I am not saying you should hide how you feel if I even thought you possible of it, but that is the most likely way he would have had of getting to you. And I don�t doubt it would have been successful, too."
"I fail to see how he could have known," Harry replied casting a dubious look at Draco. "Even I can keep some things to myself. I know I must seem like pretty much an open book to you but I'm not. Even I know there are just some things you don't tell people, especially when everyone is so euphoric over having their lives back. You don't go around being the rain cloud in their blue sky. You just get on with it. Pretend things are okay."
Another sigh as laid a hand atop one of Draco, threading his fingers though it and squeezing slightly, suddenly desperate for something warm and comforting to cling on to.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to be insensitive, but you know, what happened to Birget wasn't your fault. You didn't ask for any of this anymore than I did; it was just something you had to do. It wasn't even your idea in the first place."
Even as Draco shook his head, he was pulling Harry in close to him. "It is possible that whoever Lucius is working with is close enough to you that they would know your feelings even if you don�t state them. And yes, you are an open book to me. I am sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable."
Harry nestled close to Draco, draping one arm over his chest as his head fell to rest limply on his shoulder.
"Doesn't," he murmured, the simple act of being held by the other man enough to cause the bitterness and resentment to start to melt away as it just failed to matter anymore in comparison to warm, safe feelings that he had when Draco held him.
"Wish the same could be said about you though. I hate not knowing what you're feeling. Yeah, I understand why you hide it, I do. But like I said, you don't have to do that with me. Maybe try, just a little? Doesn't have to be anything big, just�see how it goes. Please?"
He tilted his head up then to look into Draco's face, eyes gazing longingly and completely mindless of the awkward strain that the position was putting on his neck.
Draco was vaguely aware that he ought to be pissed that even after he had explained all he had, and it was more than he had said in a long time, that Harry was still pushing for more. Inexplicably, however, he wasn�t. He could not even muster an annoyance, not with the combination of Harry�s voice and the pleading he could read in Harry�s eyes. "I do not make promises," he finally replied. "However, I can make� an attempt."
"Thank you," Harry smiled, pushing himself up slightly to brush a kiss against Draco's lips before pulling back, eyes narrowing in concentration as he raised one finger to his lips.
- 14
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