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Secret Bliss	By : InfernalParadise Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 7081 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
As I already said, it's only getting darker and more depressive towards the end. I just went to see "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" yesterday, so I better use the opportunity to write on this while I am in a "I've seen new scenes with Lucius Malfoy"-mode. ;)

I realized that Lucius might have gotten quite out of character for the last few chapters and I will keep him that way, too. So if you don't agree with this kinda Lucius Malfoy, just avoid the story and don't make yourself unhappy by sending flames. Thx! :)

As usual, I ask for reviews but will be glad as long as the hits keep going up, though.

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Chapter 14

The Past behind the Door

The rest of the evening was spent in harmless conversation, but Lucius seemed rather lost in thoughts and hardly brought himself in. Finally, Draco and Hermione retreated to Draco�s room in the manor and left us sitting in the library. It took Lucius quite a while until he tore his gaze off of the dancing flames in the big fireplace.

"They are going to be happy with each other."

His look was sinister and betrayed the softness of his voice.

"Then try feeling glad for Draco", I started in a weak attempt, but he released a cruel chuckle.

"Vivienne, as long as they are happy, we won�t be. Did that thought never occur to you? They will have a big marriage in public, a bunch of children, true friends�"

Even the arrogant sneer couldn�t hide the anger or the pain behind his words. With a hearty sigh Lucius got up from his armchair to approach me.

"But what about us? What will we do once they have their first child? Where will we turn when all they get to know is happiness?"

His eyes looked at me for a long, thoughtful moment before he averted his gaze. There was a part inside of me that started to not recognize him anymore as the man he had been when we had first met. And from that moment on I knew that this very part would never ever leave me again, but stay to grow bigger until it had swallowed all the hopes and familiarities of a carelessness of long ago.

"Sometimes I�m so scared that my heart could break and I won�t even notice it."

"Lucius, don�t�"

"I�ve changed� changed into someone I don�t know anymore. I�m afraid I lied to you in the shower when I said I don�t enjoy being the old Lucius Malfoy because a part of me longs to return to those days when the dark Lord was still among us. Maybe I should have kept my loyalty towards him."

"You know that�s not true, Lucius."

"But you do�"

And it was true. He had called Voldemort the dark Lord as only Death Eaters had done. Lucius sent me a sinister glare that caused icy goose bumps on my skin. Suddenly I felt so terribly out of place, so abandoned and lost in a maze of lies existing only inside the cobweb of a frightening past. Had I ever truly known Lucius Malfoy? Wasn�t it rather a nice fairy tale that had been built up around his person by my own imagination? I couldn�t tell where truth ended and fantasy started. Hell, I couldn�t even say if I had ever known those border lines, let alone if they had once existed. All I was actually able to realize was that I would never fully know Lucius for he took much care of that fact. He didn�t want me to understand the reason for his former existence, maybe even for my own good, but I couldn�t accept how someone with a past like him wanted to pretend it was no one else�s business.

"Well, fine", I sent him an icy look, "Since you seriously regret your present life, I prefer to go to bed. I even dare saying that this evening was worse than anything Voldemort might have ever done. But I�m convinced you did your best."

I would never forget the evil expression on Lucius� face as I left the library to take a hot shower and afterwards fall into bed, alone, sad, close to tears, and unwilling to accept any part of the bitter reality that formed my life by now.

Around midnight, I found myself being woken by a grumpy Xerxes who stalked across me to make an exit because Lucius had entered the bedroom. Somehow that cat had the terrible talent to crush every available organ in my body by simply walking over me. He gazed back at me one last time as if to blame me for Lucius� existence and disappeared through the door, then. Only afterwards I noticed with a hint of fear how miserable Lucius looked. I should have thought that he deserved it, but after all, I wasn�t as evil as I wanted to be at times. Without a word, Lucius undressed, but kept his pants on. He had never before slept differently than naked, so I assumed that something was still on his mind that kept him from actually going to bed. And I was right for he suddenly got up again, approaching the wall next to my bedside. Even in a room as big as this, everything suddenly felt small and unimportant with Lucius being so absent-minded. Finally, after what seemed a moment of fear on his face, he touched a spot on the wall and revealed the normally hidden door that lead to the only room in Malfoy Manor that had captured a Death Eater�s past in the cruelest way one can imagine. Before actually entering the chamber, Lucius turned around to face me. He didn�t want to do this alone, I realized at his almost pleading look, and although every part of my body refused to even go near the dark wall, I reached out for the hand he offered me, and walked through the door with him.

We stood there like two children in a fairytale, lost and abandoned, unable to face the truth, and yet not willing to continue a fantasy any longer. At this very moment, Lucius and I had no differences that distinguished us from each other. The only thing that surrounded us was the silent fear of something both of us wished to have never known. There were no words able to describe the torture chamber in all its cruel glory for words seemed useless and hollow in here, like a desperate scream beneath the surface that brought nothing but water into your lungs. Dark stains covered the black walls, reminding of empty portraits of those people who had left their life and pride in the chamber. I had seen many corpses in battles in the past, and I surely normally didn�t flinch at the sight of blood, yet the sadistic pattern around us made my outsides want to curl up and never face the reality again. Worse, however, was the knowledge that Lucius was responsible for all of this� the bloodstains on the walls and the cold ground, the creepy instruments decorating the room� Nothing in the world could ever make it undone or forgiven. Nothing in the world could ever look into Lucius�s eyes again after having seeing it. Nothing in the world could ever exist without nightmares because of this past. Nothing. Only I would have to, though. And I knew that this was the beginning of the end � the cold, cruel and unforgiving end of a life that had never properly witnessed the very first ray of light.

Completely oblivious to my torn insides, Lucius turned around to face me. The smile around his lips died as it betrayed his true feelings anyway.

"I always thought that we could make this room disappear forever by turning it into a�", he suddenly broke off as if he wasn�t able to continue.

"Into what?"

"Oh, nothing specific at all", Lucius tried to give me a reassuring smile, "Just into some room of the house we could use."

He turned his back on me to return into our bedchamber. Even though he hadn�t spoken the words out loud, they still hung on the walls of the cold room. Words that had been on my mind before as well, yet without a chance to ever be released: We would have turned the former torture chamber into a children�s room. But there weren�t going to be any children to actually take it one day. Instead, the room would grow even colder and more unused until we would forget its existence anyway.

And so I never brought the topic up again when I wanted to enter the torture chamber one day in autumn, finding nothing but a solid wall without a room behind it anymore. Lucius must have removed it in secret. Somehow I had the feeling that something else of us had been removed along with it, too. But then again, it felt better to not think about so many things of the past since there were already enough memories haunting us.
- 14
- 15
- 16
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Secret Bliss