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Lost and Found	By : TheLibrarian Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 3257 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Disclaimer:
Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K.
Rowling. I�m just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A.
Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters
belong to me. You belong to yourself.

A/N: Revising grammar
and style is tedious and boring. I decided to work on this instead.

***

Why she had to go

I don�t know, she wouldn�t say

I said something wrong

Now I long for yesterday

Yesterday,
The Beatles

Chapter
Fifteen � Truth and Consequence

The late
spring sun had finally forced its way through the clouds after weeks of rain. Jane
was walking briskly across the courtyard, deep in thought. In six short weeks
the term would draw to an end, and she was looking forward to spending the
summer at Fenton Hall, overseeing the changes that would transform it from her
parents� cold ancestral seat into her home. Jane had mentioned it to
Severus one evening, while they were sitting in front of the fireplace, but he had
only nodded noncommittally, and that had been the end of it. As she entered the
castle and headed towards the hospital, she wondered whether he would visit her
at Fenton Hall.

�You won�t
believe it! Snape�s gone soft!�

A couple of
sixth years, a lanky tall boy and his shorter friend, shouldered past her,
interrupting her train of thought. Jane recognized them as Peter Hillcrest and
Frederick Fern.

�What
happened?� the short boy, Peter, asked curiously.

�He caught
me doing my Herbology homework during class and he
didn�t give me detention!�

Peter
stopped in his tracks, grabbing his friend by the arm. �No?!�

�It�s true,�
the other boy confirmed. �He didn�t even take off any House points!�

�No!� Peter
exclaimed again. �That�s the first thing he usually does.�

�I know!�

�He really
didn�t punish you?�

�I didn�t
get detention, no,� Frederick
hedged, �but I still have to write a four foot essay on the different varieties
of deadly nightshade and their uses in modern potion making��

Jane grinned
widely as they disappeared down another corridor. She would have to tease
Severus about that the next time she saw him. She liked teasing him, especially
when they were in public. Her favorite pastime during meals was to flirt with
him across the Head table. She had discovered that it took no more than a
coquettish wink to make him shift uncomfortably, and if she let her tongue
flick seductively over her lips, he would downright glower at her. Yes, she
loved to tease Severus Snape.

In the few
short weeks since they�d become lovers, she had learned a lot about Hogwarts�
brooding Potions master. To her great dismay and annoyance, it had turned out that
Severus abhorred public displays of affection of any kind. During meals, he sat
safely away from her at the far end of the Head table. When they met in one of
the castle�s many hallways, he would always stand at arm�s length and address
her as Miss Sinclair, never as Jane. When they walked together in public, he
wouldn�t even take her arm, let alone her hand. Jane sighed. She was fairly certain
that he wasn�t ashamed of their relationship, but she didn�t understand why he was
so hell-bent on keeping it a secret. He shared his body with her without any
reservations, and they could talk for hours about the most diverse topics, but
he still did not confide in her. Severus was an emotionally crippled man, she
knew that. But she had observed a gradual change in him over the weeks. It had
been subtle, but she had noticed it nonetheless. It gave her hope that maybe,
just maybe, they could make it work.

***

Jane turned
a corner on her way to the hospital and realized that she had gone in the wrong
direction. Habit had forced her feet in the direction of Severus� quarters.
Muttering an oath under her breath, she turned on her heels and retraced her
steps along the deserted corridor.

�Looking for
me?�

Severus had suddenly
come up behind her and his silky drawl sent shivers of anticipation down her
spine. She stopped in her tracks and faced him. �Not really, Severus. I took a
wrong turn and ended up here.�

His
smoldering dark eyes raked over her. �Were you thinking of me?�

�As a matter
of fact, I was, Severus��

He stepped
closer, fixing her with his gaze.

��but not that
way.�

The corner
of his mouth twitched. Whether it was out of amusement or annoyance, she
couldn�t tell. �How� disappointing.�

�Well, not
everything is about you, Severus.�

He arched an
eyebrow. �Is that a fact?� he asked good-naturedly.

She smiled
and nodded.

He crossed
his arms and stared down at her. �So, where were you going, if not to
see me?�

�I�� Jane
hesitated briefly. �Well, I was on my way to see Madam Pomfrey,
if you must know.�

Immediately,
concern registered on his face. �What�s wrong?� he asked worriedly. �Are you
alright?�

�I�m fine,
Severus,� she said gently. �I just needed her advice on a potion.�

�A potion?�
he queried. �I am the Potions teacher. You should come to me.�

�It� well��
Jane blushed. �It is somewhat of a delicate nature. I needed to talk to a
woman.�

�Why?�

�Well, hm, I�� Jane blushed even more. �Well, I� I thought I was
pregnant.�

Severus
turned ashen, utterly mortified.

�Oh, don�t
worry,� she reassured him hastily. �I got my� um, I mean� I�m definitely not
pregnant.� She gave a nervous laugh. �I just feel like such a fool. I�d never
even thought of the consequences, until I got my� I, uh��

�How could I
do this to you?� Severus asked disbelievingly.

�What?� Jane
stared at him in confusion. �Oh, don�t be silly. You haven�t done anything to
me, Severus.�

�I was
selfish and thoughtless��

�So was I.�
Jane sighed. �But it doesn�t matter now. No harm done. I was just on my way to
see Madam Pomfrey about a contraceptive potion.�

�No!�

His sudden
outburst caught her by surprise. �What?! Severus, we�ve had a lucky break, but we
can�t keep going on like this. We have to be more careful. Unless�� She broke
off. A sudden thought had occurred to her. �Do you want a child?�

Severus
stared down into her eyes. A child� with Jane� He thought about it for a
moment. To see her belly swell with his child� To grow old with Jane�
No more cold lonely nights, no more maddening solitude, no longer being the
outcast. He could almost see it in his mind. It would be Heaven� If only his
fate hadn�t been preordained. He closed his eyes and sighed.

�I meant to
say,� he clarified, �that I will prepare the potion for you. No one else
need know about� this.�

�Why can�t
the others know about us?� Jane asked him softly. �Severus, I�m happy, and I
want to share my joy.�

�And I
want to keep it quiet,� he told her tersely. �It�s no one else�s business.�

�Severus��
Jane was quickly losing her patience. �Half the school already knows, and the
other half suspects it.�

�WHAT?!�
His angry roar echoed off the dark gray walls.

�Those
paintings outside your office are incurable gossips.�

He muttered
an oath and began to pace, obviously displeased.

�Is it really
so terrible if people know how we feel about each other, Severus?�

�It concerns
no one but us,� he told her tersely.

Jane stared
at him in disbelief, and he closed his eyes, willing himself to be calm.

�Jane,
please be sensible,� he told her with forced patience. �I thought you of
all people would appreciate what I am doing for you. For us. Given your past, I
thought you would be especially sensitive to gossip. Apparently, I was wrong.�

�Of course,
I don�t like gossip, Severus.� She sighed. �But I am fine with it in this case.
I�m happy and wish I could shout it from the rooftops.�

His mouth
twisted in disgust. �Is this childish need for attention your way of making up
for all the lonely years in your life?�

Jane stepped
back, stunned by his cold remark. �I can�t believe you just said that,� she
told him, shaking her head incredulously. �I can�t believe you�d even think
that!�

Severus saw
the pain in her eyes and realized he�d gone too far. �Well, what else am I
supposed to think?� he snapped, angry with himself for hurting her. �You know
how I feel about this. And, yet, you keep teasing me in public, constantly undermining
my authority. My students are already losing their respect for me��

Her eyes
narrowed. �So, this is really about you?�

�Yes!� He
broke off, frowning. �I mean, no. That is��

�I see.�
Jane�s voice broke as she struggled for control. �So, everything is fine as
long as I remain your dirty little secret? Is that all our relationship is to
you � a sexual interlude? Is that all I am to you?�

Severus
didn�t answer her. How could he make her understand that he was trying to
protect her? He wanted to promise her a future without worries, without
heartache and pain. Yet, how could he do that, not knowing what lay ahead?

�Don�t
bother to answer,� she said when he remained silent. �Your silence tells me all
I need to know.�

He sighed.
�Jane, I��

�No.� She
held up her hand, silencing him. �Don�t insult me with insincere excuses. I
deserve better than that.�

What was she
saying? Fear squeezed his heart. �Jane?�

�Severus, I love
you. God help me, but I do. Body and soul. But you are a difficult man to love,
and right now, I don�t even like you�� She broke off, hesitant about
what to say next.

His expression
became inscrutable as fear turned to anger. �Go on,� he growled in a
dangerously low voice. �Tell me what a despicable man I am.�

Jane�s chin
came up. �You don�t make it easy for anyone to get close, especially me. So,
from now on, I�ll give you the space you so obviously crave. Tonight, I sleep
alone.�

Severus
stared at her for a moment as the meaning of her words sank in. It was all over.
She was leaving him, and the thought of it twisted his insides. He saw the
determination in Jane�s eyes and realized that there would be nothing he could say
to her that would change her mind. She was leaving him! Helpless anger
surged through him.

�Fine,
then,� he snapped scornfully, hiding his pain behind his usual mask of
contempt. �Leave! It�s obviously what you want.�

Jane
searched his eyes, but they were veiled. �It isn�t about that, at all,� she
told him sadly. �And until you realize that, there is no hope for us.�

***

The doors
banged open and Severus stormed into the Potions classroom, his face dark with
fury.

�Open your
books to page 356,� he barked angrily as he strode to the podium.

�Professor?�

He swirled
around and fixed the student who had dared speak to him with a menacing glare.
Miss Granger, of course. He should have known.

�What?!� His
vicious snarl made it clear that he was in no mood for questions.

Hermione
stared at him wide-eyed and slowly lowered her hand. �Nothing, Professor,� she
mumbled quietly.

�Page 356,�
he repeated tersely and watched impatiently until the last student had finally
opened his book. �You have one hour,� he told them brusquely.

�But, Professor��
Hermione�s hand shot up again.

�It is a
straight-forward potion, Miss Granger,� he snapped at her. �Even Longbottom could brew it without spoiling it.�

He straightened
and moved to his desk, when a whisper reached his ears and stopped him mid-step.

�Someone�s
got his knickers in a bunch��

Severus
turned abruptly and quickly cut across the classroom. He slapped his hands down
on the student�s desk and thrust his face in the boy�s face.

�Would you
care to repeat that, Mr. Weasley?� he snapped.

Ron gulped
nervously and began to tremble. �I� well�� He tugged at his collar.

�Detention,
Mr. Weasley,� Severus determined quickly. He stared
at Ron until the boy began to squirm miserably.

�Yes,�
Severus continued thoughtfully, �I think scrubbing all the Potions implements
in my storage room will give you some time to reflect on proper classroom
etiquette.�

He
straightened and walked walk away.

�Blimey!� He
could hear Weasley whisper in the background again.
�Seems like Professor Sinclair has lost her touch��

Severus
stopped again. �Of course,� he said tersely and reached for his wand. �I could
also wash out your mouth with soap� right here, right now. It might teach you
some humility and respect.�

Ron�s face
had turned beet-red. He shook his head furiously.

�Detention, Mr. Weasley,� Severus reminded him, moving to his desk. �Oh, and
fifty points from Gryffindor�� he added as though it was an afterthought, �for
disrespecting a teacher.�

He sat down behind his desk and
glowered darkly at the shocked faces before him. �Page 356,� he instructed them
once more. �One hour.�

***

In the darkness of his chambers, Severus lay awake, unable
to find rest. Try as he might, sleep kept eluding him, and he kept tossing and
turning in his bed. He missed Jane. In the few weeks that they�d been lovers, he
had grown used to Jane sleeping beside him. Her presence was reassuring, and
her body next to his was a safe haven to turn to after a terrifying nightmare.
But she wasn�t here now. She was sleeping in her own bed tonight. He missed the
lulling sound of her gentle snoring, the comforting warmth of her body. Her
scent still clung to his pillows, but it could not ease his troubled mind. He
stared at the ceiling, unseeing.

Jane wasn�t here. Severus
grimaced painfully. He only had himself to blame, himself and his blasted
temper. But she had provoked him, damn it. He balled his hand into a
fist and brought it forcefully down on the mattress beside him. Jane knew very
well how he felt about public displays of affection and, yet, every day, she
would tease him mercilessly. Today, again, she had flirted shamelessly with him
during meals, leaving him exposed to be ridiculed by his students. Their fight
this afternoon had been� unfortunate, Severus admitted. His anger had long
since evaporated, however, and he wished for her to be here with him now, so he
could apologize and beg her forgiveness. So he could show her how much he loved
her. He had never said the words, and she had never asked for them.

He sat up. Of course, he thought, that was it. He
knew how she felt about him. Jane had told him many times and in many ways. She
had also comforted him through his darkest hours, never asking for anything in
return. He, on the other hand, had never asked her how she felt, what she
needed. He had never asked her what he could do to ease her pain, how he could
erase her unhappy past. He had repaid her selflessness with utter selfishness.
And he had never told her that he loved her. Severus swung his legs off the
bed, ready to rush to Jane and tell her what was in his heart, but then he
changed his mind. He would let her have one night�s reprieve, he decided. Yes,
he thought. One night should be enough for her to calm down and be more
receptive to him when he approached her tomorrow. He lay back, folding his arms
under his head. Yes, tomorrow he would talk to her. He had nothing to offer her
but his love, and he hoped it would be enough.

***

�What do you
mean: she never returned to the castle?!� Severus glowered threateningly
at the portrait outside Jane�s quarters.

The witch in
the portrait shrugged helplessly, taken aback by his outburst. �I asked every
picture and portrait between the entrance hall and this corridor. She never
came back.�

He had come
to her rooms, ready to apologize and to escort her to breakfast. His determined
rap against her door, however, had been met with nothing but silence. And when
he�d tried the handle, he�d found the door locked. Minutes later, he had been
banging on the door, demanding entry. The witch in the portrait had watched him
for a while, partly amused and partly annoyed at his antics. When he�d finally
stopped to consider his next move, she had informed him tersely that Professor
Sinclair had not been to her quarters since the previous afternoon. Severus had
barked at her to give him a better answer, if she wanted her picture to remain
unharmed, but she�d just walked out of the frame. Soon after, the indomitable
Severus Snape could be seen pleading with an empty picture. It had been his
hopeless desperation that had finally brought the witch back and had her
promise to find out what she could. She�d returned shortly after, only to tell
him that Professor Sinclair had left Hogwarts the previous afternoon in the
company of a sixth year, and neither had returned.

She never
returned to the castle. Severus felt his knees give out suddenly and he
slumped against the wall behind him as the meaning of what she�d said hit him. The
witch in the portrait watched his ashen face and took pity on him.

�I think I
better tell the Headmistress,� she told him, concern written all over her face,
and hurried off.

Severus
never noticed her leave. She never came back. His heart was beating
painfully against his ribs, until he thought his chest was going to explode,
and he suddenly had difficulties breathing. She never returned to the
castle. Something had happened to her. Severus was certain of that. However,
the uncertainty of her fate was more than he could bear. If the Dark Lord had
her, she would be lost to him forever. Angry tears of helplessness burned in
his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, desperately fighting the urge to yell out
his pain and anguish, and everything went black.

McGonagall
and Remus found him like this � slumped against the wall, unconscious and deep
in shock.

�Dear God,�
the Headmistress exclaimed, rushing to his side. �Remus, come, help me.�

She grabbed
one of Severus� arms and pulled at it with surprising strength. Remus took his
other arm, and together they dragged him to the hospital.

�Poppy,�
McGonagall called for the healer, as soon as they entered the infirmary. �We
need some privacy.�

Madam Pomfrey hurried ahead of them, waving her wand to create an
isolation area, impervious to prying ears and eyes. Together they all lowered
Severus onto the crisp hospital linens and Madam Pomfrey
quickly examined him.

�What
happened?� she asked, feeling for his pulse. �Was he attacked?�

McGonagall
began to pace, wringing her hands. �It�s Professor Sinclair. She�s gone
missing.�

�What does
that have to do with Severus?� Madam Pomfrey looked
up, confused.

�The two
were� erm�� The Headmistress didn�t quite know how to
put it. �They are��

�They are
lovers,� Remus threw in bluntly.

The two
women stared at him aghast.

�Well, it�s
the truth,� he defended himself. Them. �There�s no use beating about the bush.
Besides, now is not the time to pass judgment.�

�Well,�
Madam Pomfrey said, spooning a purple liquid into
Severus. �Let�s see what our patient here has to say about all this.�

Moments
later his eyes flew open and his face contorted in disgust. �What the hell?!�

His eyes
fell on the people watching him expectantly, and he started.

�Tsk, tsk,� the healer chided
softly. �The Rejuvenating Potion is supposed to revitalize you. It�s not
supposed to taste good.�

�It�s
disgusting,� Severus complained with a groan.

�What did
you expect? Firewhiskey?�

�Never mind
that now,� McGonagall interjected impatiently. �Severus, what happened to
Jane?�

All of a
sudden, it all came back to him. He closed his eyes as the feelings of guilt
and helplessness washed over him once more.

�I don�t
know,� he murmured dejectedly. �I went to see her this morning, and she wasn�t
there.�

�But where is
she?�

He shook his
head. �I don�t know.�

Remus
cleared his throat, drawing three pairs of eyes. �She left with Colin Creevey for London
yesterday afternoon. They were going to take pictures around town.�

McGonagall
stopped her pacing. �Colin Creevey?�

�Minerva,
surely, you remember that the two of them have been taking regular trips into
the Muggle world? You yourself gave Creevey permission to stay out after curfew, so he could
help Jane take pictures for her Muggle Studies
lessons.�

�Why, yes�
yes, of course.� The Headmistress began to fidget nervously with the brooch
holding her robes together. �Oh dear, oh dear.�

Severus sat
up. �The Dark Lord��

The Headmistress
and Madam Pomfrey gasped in horror.

�We can�t be
certain of that, or anything else for that matter, at this time.� Remus tried
to be the voice of reason. In truth, however, he was extremely worried. �Our
priority now is to find Jane and Colin Creevey,� he
said with forced calmness.

�But London
is such a large city,� McGonagall exclaimed, worry creasing her face more than
usual. �There are a million things that could have happened to them.�

�The Dark
Lord has wanted Jane ever since he found out about her,� Severus spoke up,
swallowing the bitter taste in his mouth. �He wanted me to deliver her
to him. I thought I could thwart his plans by surrendering myself to the
Ministry and going to Azkaban�� Pain stole into his eyes, and he hit the
hospital bed with his fist. �I promised Jane I�d look out for her. I promised
her I wouldn�t let anything happen to her.� He groaned. �I failed her.�

Remus leaned
closer, fixing him with his gaze. �You really love her, don�t you?� he asked
him earnestly.

Severus
nodded curtly. �She is my life, Lupin,� he told him
earnestly.

Remus searched
his eyes for another moment or two, before he nodded, satisfied. He
straightened and faced McGonagall, who had been watching them nervously.
�Minerva, I think I better alert the Order. Jane might not even be in trouble,
but it doesn�t hurt to be cautious. I�ll check her office to see if she left
any clues as to where she might have gone. Severus, you might want to come with
me. If you feel up to it, that is.�

Severus
stood, swaying slightly. Madam Pomfrey reached out to
steady him, but he shook her off.

�I really
don�t think you should be on your feet, just yet, Severus,� she told him worriedly.

�I�m alright,�
he snapped, quickly becoming his old self again. He had a purpose now, a
mission. He couldn�t afford to be weak now. Not if he wanted to save Jane. �Lead
the way, Lupin.�

===

Lost and
Found � 2005 by MMHG

===
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