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Life as I know it	By : BlindedHP Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 75983 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Title: Life as I know it
Summary: This fic is BDSM. Harry is not the boy that everyone expects him to be when he first enters Hogwarts. This fic is Snarry slash with Snape as Harry's Dom.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter related. This magical world belongs to JK Rowling and various publishers. No profit is being made from this.
Warnings: BDSM, dom/sub, non-con, dub-con, sexual situations, master/slave, chan, violence and some more that I can't think of right now.
Author's Note: Some swear words in this chapter...
Chapter 15 (Posted on 10 March 2015): Placing your life in the hands of another
The worry Harry had felt about his Masters' behavior had since turned into something else entirely, he was beginning to feel somewhat neglected.
Draco and he had been together for the better part of a year now and during that time, Harry had learned some very interesting things about his own body. He had learned that he was very ticklish under his feet, but not so much anywhere else. He loved back rubs and massages of any sort, and really didn't mind giving them to someone else, Draco in this case.
Yet he felt that something was wrong, something was missing. His Master's behavior was weighing heavily on his conscience and he couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't maybe responsible for whatever it was that was 'ailing' his Master.
The relationship he had with Draco was wonderful, but Harry craved something a bit more, a bit deeper. What exactly it was, he wasn't certain, but there was definitely something missing.
They had done nothing more than some hand jobs and blow jobs, but Harry doubted that it was the level of intimacy they shared that was the problem. It was something else, if only he knew what it was!?
As the last day of school drew nearer, Master Severus began to behave a bit more like his normal, snarky self, and Harry realized that he had missed that man. The snarky bastard that everyone else loved to hate, but Harry just loved to love, the sarcastic Master that went out of his way to make Harry's life as enjoyable as possible, and the hard task master, whom had helped Harry, taught Harry and disciplined him when he needed it; he missed that man, dearly!
When Harry one day forgot who he was talking to and raged at his Master, the same way he would rage at Draco when he felt overwhelmed, he realized what it was that he missed the most. That strong hand that punished him after he had stepped out of place was back again, and Harry was led into his bedroom and laid down on the bed where Master Severus proceeded to deliver five spankings to his bare bottom.
He didn't really know why he began to cry, but as Master Severus held him close and murmured soothing words that it was over, that Harry was okay, that he was safe, he just let loose and clung to his Master as he sobbed.
As the tears dried and a gentle kiss was placed on his forehead, Harry realized what had been missing; the strong yet gentle arms of his Master held him tight and Harry relaxed into the embrace. He had missed this; missed his Masters' presence, missed his Masters' strong hands and gentle punishments. He had missed the fact that he could give up all control to his Master, and still know that no harm would come to him; that his Master would protect and care for him no matter what.
Harry realized with a start that this was something he would most likely never have with Draco. They both loved to explore and tease each other, but Harry just couldn't imagine giving himself over into the hands of the blonde and trust him to care for Harry as Master Severus would.
He liked Draco, a lot, but the trust he had in his Master was unparalleled by any other, and Harry knew without a shadow of a doubt that there was no one else he trusted with his emotional healing at the moment. He knew that he was rather 'fucked up' in the mind with everything he'd gone through, but he also felt that he had made a lot of progress toward becoming a normal, healthy human being – both mentally and physically.
Focusing back on the present and the problem at hand, Harry gently extracted himself from his Master's embrace and was both relieved and surprised that the man didn't wake up. The exhaustion visible on the man's face caused something deep within Harry to crack, and he vowed to himself that he would do his best to help his Master, with whatever the man was dealing with.
Tip-toeing to his room, Harry donned his robes and sat down on his bed to think. He didn't know what to do about the relationship he shared with Draco. On the one hand he really liked the boy and what they had come to mean to each other but on the other hand he felt a bit of a bastard himself, that he was even thinking of continuing on as they have, and then just drop the boy like a dead weight at the end of their schooling.
Fucking with someone's brain and then dropping them at a time they needed you the most, was something Harry was all too familiar with – having been the victim of such on more than just one occasion.
No, he couldn't do something like that to another human being, he would have to talk it through with Draco and they could decide together what to do.

Harry finally caught up with Draco the day before they were all expected to go 'home' for the summer holidays. The week had been hectic and Harry had not been able to find time to meet with the young blonde to discuss their relationship.
"Draco! Wait up; I need to talk with you."
"Harry, never start a sentence like that. You only start a sentence like that when you have really bad news, and I'm afraid that I'm just not in the mood for more bad news right now."
"More bad news?"
"Yeah" Draco sighed as he brushed a hand through his hair and turned to face Harry fully. "I told you about some exiting news I wanted to share with you last week right? Well, I'm afraid there's no news to share anymore."
Harry looked at the blonde and was startled to see that Draco was close to tears. That had never happened before.
"I was… my mother… we… oh how do I put this? We were expecting a new member in the family; I was going to have a little sister. My mother miscarried, again, this time on four months. It's the furthest she's carried since my birth and we were really hopeful this time. I guess someone out there really wants to punish us for something or another."
Harry just stared at the blonde for a while. He didn't know what to do, or say, or anything. What did you say to a friend who just told you that he had lost a sister before she was even born? Harry couldn't imagine what it would be like to have a loving and caring family, and expect another member in that family, only to have them taken away. No, not knowing your parents and living without them your whole life was better than knowing them and loosing them later on. Right?
The thought of having a sister, younger than him, one he could spoil rotten, made him smile, and he just couldn't imagine how Draco felt now. First having that hope of a new sister and plans of teaching her all the mischief you could, but then having it all taken away in one moment…
"What was it you wanted to talk about?"
Harry looked at the blonde and just opened and closed his mouth for a few moments. What could he say? 'Oh, I think we should ease up on our relationship for a while, just until I have my head on straight.' Yes, that would go over well… 'I realized that there was something missing from our relationship, but I know now what it is, only, I don't trust you enough for that yet.' Oh, he was soooo screwed.
"Nothing as serious as you just sprung on me Draco. I hope you have a nice vacation and remember to write to me." Harry stepped closer to Draco and placed a soft kiss on the boy's lips before he pulled away.
Draco just smirked at him.
"Ohhh, you pulled me aside to wish me a happy holiday, how sweet! Thanks Harry, good luck with our lovable snarky git, and all the other uptight Professors here!" Draco winked at him and laughed as he thoroughly kissed Harry. They broke apart a moment later and with a final wave, Draco made his way back to the dungeons for his last night there as a sixth year.
Harry just stared after the blonde with a heavy feeling in his heart. He just couldn't do anything to Draco now that would hurt his friend even more than he already was. Breaking up with him would surely send the boy over the edge, or cause him to hate Harry forever. Pushing his own selfish feelings aside, Harry determined that he would just have to make their relationship work, one way or another.

Severus could have sang with joy as the students all left to their own homes, and he was left alone with only a few colleagues and his Harry.
Seeing Draco leave was the highlight of his day, and he silently celebrated the fact that he would now have Harry all to himself; if only for two months.
A week after the holidays had started however, Severus was ready to either shake Harry back into the boy he had been last year, or even call upon Draco to come and help with whatever problems Harry was having.
Harry had been withdrawn since the moment everyone else had gone home. He ate and cleaned himself up and even responded to orders given by his Master, but there was no life in the boy. None of the spirit and sparkle Severus had seen in his eyes only a month before.
Something was troubling Harry greatly and the fact that Severus didn't know what it was, or how to make it better, was driving him crazy.
After another week of 'robotized' working, Severus called Harry to him after the boy had done the evening dishes.
"Harry, I've left you alone these past two weeks in the hope that you'd be able to work out whatever was troubling you, but I just can't let it go on like this. Your well-being is my first and only priority, and as such, having you traipsing around like a robot is not a sign of good health!"
Harry looked up at him then and Severus had to fight hard with himself to stay emotionless. Harry's eyes were almost dead, the little life in them were dulled and hidden behind a sea of uncertainty and helplessness.
Wordlessly opening his arms, Severus grunted as Harry's slight form hit him forcefully. Bringing his arms around Harry, Severus steered the boy to the couch and sat down before pulling Harry into his lap. They sat in silence for long minutes, with Severus just rubbing soothing circles on Harry's back, while Harry tried his best to regain control of himself.
"What has you so troubled Harry? If it is anything I can help you with, you know I will."
Severus felt Harry sigh and tilted the boy's head back so he was looking him in the eye.
"Tell me Harry."
It was not really a request but a demand and Harry nodded slightly as he wriggled in Severus's lap to find a comfortable position.
"It's just… I'm not… I feel like such a bastard, Master. Master Vernon was right, I'm a freak and a bastard and I deserve to be punished as harshly as possible."
"Harry, you are not a freak. You are a wonderful individual, who's gone through so much in your short life, much more than any grown man should have to go through, but yet you made it out alive and well. You are a very strong young man to be able to tolerate not only normal touch by someone, but even the more intimate touches young Draco have bestowed. I know you would never hurt someone intentionally Harry, you care too much about other people to do that to someone. Nothing you say will make me think of you as a bastard, freak or a monster. Now, tell me, what is it that is bothering you?"
"I like Draco, a lot. He's my best friend, my only friend, but I'm afraid to loose him. We've been together now for almost a year but I just, it's not really what I want. He's taught me a lot, and I'm very grateful to him for what he's done for me, but it's just not enough. Master, you know about my past and what my previous Master did and had others do to me, Draco doesn't know about any of that. He doesn't know that I need to be punished sometimes, to show me that there is someone who has my life in their hands, who controls most of what goes on and who helps me with problems and set backs. He doesn't know what it's like to give your own well-being over into the hands of another, and know without a doubt that you would be carried on those hands, and lifted high above anyone else to keep you safe, to keep me safe. How can I ask him to do something like that when he himself still needs his parents to carry him?"
There was silence between them then, and Severus just held Harry tightly. He honestly didn't know what to say or do. He knew exactly what Harry meant and knew that he would be more than happy to extend his own hands, and pull him up and take control over that fragile little life, but at the moment, Harry had to make his own decisions and Severus definitely did not want to influence the boy in any way.
"I would suggest that you talk to Draco, Harry. Not in a letter or anything, face to face so that you can explain anything he needs you to. Talk to him Harry, tell him some of what you feel and what you need. You don't have to tell him about your past, if you don't want to Harry, but I believe giving him some insight into your past would help with the explanation. Tell him what it is you need Harry, make him understand that you care for him, and want him as a friend, but that you just can't ask more than that of him. If he decides that he's willing to listen and help you with what you need, then you can try to work things out, but don't just keep him on a piece of string and pull on his emotions. He himself has been through a lot and while I would protect you and care for you as long as you need it, I can't just stand by and watch while you play with another's emotions."
Severus ignored the little voice in his head which said that Harry was, however unintentionally, already playing with someone's emotions; Severus's.
Harry's breath hitched as he realized that that was exactly what he did. He had not meant to do it, honestly, he just didn't want to hurt Draco by breaking up, but he now realized that keeping him on a string would hurt him even more.
"I'm here Harry, whenever you need me, to talk or just to be held, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Okay?"
"Yes Master. Thank you Master, I… I love you Master Severus."
"And I love you my little Harry, now and always."

The summer holidays was going great. Harry spent more time with his Master, and sometimes even sought the man out, just to reassure himself of the strong presence and protection he gained from the man.
Their respective broomsticks had once again been brought out of the closet and Harry felt his cares drift off on the wind as he soared high above the rest of the world. Master Severus kept close to him all the time, and Harry laughed as he flew circles around the man, making faces all the way.
His birthday was nearing and Harry felt more carefree than he had in a very long time. He was turning 17 this year and could not believe all the twists and turns his life had taken.
If you had been able to find Harry and talk to him six years ago, if you had told him that he would one day feel like the happiest person on earth with a caring, loving Master who was always around to protect him, he would have told you to go back to whatever hole you'd crawled out of and leave him be, because boy's like him didn't deserve to be happy.
Now though, Harry knew that he deserved to be happy, just like everyone else. He might not always believe it, but he knew it.
The day of his birthday dawned slightly cloudy, but Harry didn't mind. He had his Master next to him and a bunch of presents to open. He couldn't have been happier.
Draco had sent him a photo album of himself, with pictures of a baby Draco, toddler Draco, kid Draco and teenager Draco. There were quite a lot of pictures and even a few with the whole family in it. Harry smiled at the perfect picture the family made. He wished he could one day have that. A loving partner and a child of his own. He could always dream, couldn't he?
He opened the usual box of sweets and treats from various Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. Even though he wasn't very good friends with them, they still studied together sometimes and Harry was always willing to help anyone out when they needed it.
When Harry finally came to the present his Master had bought him, his mouth fell open in shock. He looked up at the man and saw a smirk directed his way. Why on earth would his Master buy him something like this?
Harry pulled the leather trousers out of the box and looked them over closely. He had never owned leather clothes before, as he knew they were expensive, yet his Master had bought him not one, but two pairs!
"Try them on Harry."
Harry wasted no time and didn't even notice the way his Master gulped as he dropped his trousers right there to change into the leather ones.
They fit rather snugly, but Harry loved them. They felt cool to the touch and clung to him like a second skin, he felt a bit naughty in them.
As he turned around to show his Master, he found the man staring transfixed at him. Swallowing a bit nervously he hesitantly asked; "Master?"
His Master looked him over slowly, swallowed and then answered.
"You look very nice Harry, very nice indeed."
Harry smiled, but it turned to a frown as his Master turned around and swept off to his bedroom. Had he done something wrong?

Severus hit his head against the wall of his room repeatedly. He had wanted to get Harry something unique for his birthday, something the boy didn't have and would likely never get for himself, thus the leather pants. What he hadn't brought in consideration was his own reaction to his Harry wearing those tight, formfitting pants.
When Harry had dropped his trousers right there in front of Severus, he had to swallow hard to keep control over himself, but when the boy had turned around to give Severus a clear view of that lithe figure in formfitting leather… Severus just had to get out of there before he did something he would regret.
He could hear Harry cleaning up in the living room, and silently apologized for leaving so abruptly, but he had more pressing matters to attend to.
Reaching down, he slowly undid his robe and then the rest of his clothing until he was wearing only his boxers. Lying down on the bed Severus closed his eyes but he refused to think of anything, or rather anyone in particular. He did not want to feel like the perverted old man he really was right now!
Grasping his already hard cock in hand he gently rolled his balls with the other hand while squeezing experimentally on the shaft. It was not very often that he indulged in self pleasure, but since Harry had grown up into the attractive young man he was today… Severus had become fairly well acquainted with his hand once again.
Groaning as he sped up his pace, he thought about how it would feel to have soft hands tentatively squeezing here and there, and soft lips experimentally close around the head of his cock.
He refused to put a face to the images and just thought about soft hands, supple lips and wandering fingertips. Pumping harder as he felt himself near climax, Severus just could not stop the whispered word from escaping.
"Harry!"

Harry had been cleaning up the living room, slightly annoyed about the way his Master had just up and disappeared. Why exactly that was, he didn't know.
Picking everything up carefully, Harry made his way to his bedroom where he placed the pants in his drawer and the sweets and treats on his bedside table. Draco's photo album found a new place on his mantel and Harry stood back to look the room over. Satisfied that everything was as it should be, he returned to the living room where he quickly picked up all the wrapping paper, and with a wave of his wand, he had even the smallest snippet out of the carpet.
Not really tired yet, Harry pulled a book off from the shelf and settled down to read. He had barely finished the first sentence when he heard groaning from his Master's bedroom.
Harry hesitated, he didn't know what to do; what if his Master was in pain? He wasn't allowed to enter his Master's bedroom, but as he had not gotten in trouble the previous time he had broken this rule, he hoped he would not be in trouble this time. He just wanted to make sure his Master was all right after all…
Easing the door open a bit Harry stopped dead in his tracks as he watched his Master writhe on the bed. He knew now what it was and even what it felt like, thanks to Draco, but he had never imagined seeing his Master in such a position.
As his Master sped up his pace, Harry was startled to realize that his own cock was hardening. When Master Severus reached orgasm and whispered Harry's name almost too softly to be heard, Harry bit back a gasp.
His Master was thinking of him!
Did that mean that the man wanted him like that? Did Master Severus actually want Harry in a sexual way, but never told him? Why didn't his Master say anything? He knew that Harry was not exactly inexperienced after all. He should just tell Harry that he wants this to be a part of their relationship!
Gently shutting the door after retreating, Harry made his way to his own rooms while his mind raged through various explanations.
He remembered the time when he first came to live with Master Severus and how he had told Harry that he would not engage in sexual activities with him. Now however, did his Master really want him like that? Why had he never told Harry? Did he not like Harry enough to actually touch him sexually, just fantasize about it?
Why on earth did this new knowledge hurt so much?
End Chapter 15
- 14
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- 16
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Life as I know it