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Blood Bond	By : freakenbree Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 26184 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and characters mentioned. All rights go to J.K. Rowling and publishers. I am not making a profit from this story

Chapter List
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Chapter Fifteen: Confessions of a Broken Heart

The brief touch of their lips was enough to establish his overall meaning. It felt good to be the one to do it. Severus knew, it was apparent in the way he had not jumped, but Harry was eager to prove the man in some way right about his overall courage.

He pulled away even though he would have rather continued much farther than just a touch of lips. He had enough mind to keep it brief. He was sure that Severus was still hovering over the images that still filled Harry's head: Vernon standing over him, Vernon kicking Harry while he lay helpless on the ground, Harry locked away in the cupboard beneath the stairs, Harry fighting away hunger by eating a piece of paper, Vernon locking him away in a room with barred windows and doors, Harry crying himself to sleep at night, Dudley punching him straight into the face while Harry hovered in a corner, and finally, Harry laying unconscious shoved into Dudley's trunk while guests were over. Harry remembered every pain he had felt and every emotion he had expressed when every one of those memories fled in during their training.

He hadn't been prepared, not enough that is. Most of them forgotten, he had blocked most of the memories out so that he no longer dealt with the tears. After the collage of memories he had long since forgotten streamed one by one, again and again, through his head, he was fixated and deranged.

While Severus fell asleep, saying nothing more to Harry, Harry thought of each time he had cried out for someone to come save him alone in that cupboard. No one had been there for him. Despite Ron, no one had made an effort to get him out of that horrible place. Once Dumbledore felt it suitable, he was removed, but the damage had been done.

His mind wandered back to Sirius. The man had been there for Harry as the only family he had to rely on. However, Sirius was always in hiding; he was always on the run from the ministry for crimes he had not committed. Harry had disappointed the man, for good reason. He wasn't sure how long it would take Sirius to come around, but he was sure that he would do it soon. He wasn't worried about his godfather, aside from the danger of being caught.

Finally, Harry's mind thought about the way Severus had reacted to him today; Severus was angered by his obliviousness to how he had been treated. What was he to think? Dumbledore had forced him to stay even after he pleaded the man to take him away. He had cried himself to sleep every night hoping and wishing for someone to steal him away, or even for death to finally take him. His existence meant nothing aside from the scar atop his head.

Everyone honored him the-Boy-Who-Lived, expecting him to save them from their horrible fate. For one small child, that was a heavy load to put on his shoulders. He was forced every day to live a life he didn't want to live. Every person in his life only cared how he was going to inevitably come to defeat Voldemort. Aside from a small few, Harry was alone.

He deemed his life no more important than that of any other, however, he was expected to make it much, much more. Harry sighed as his head twirled and whirled in a dizzy confusion. He had recently felt something akin to the love he had read and heard about. His heart was poked and prodded by a man that he felt may never truly love or care for him.

Tonight, Severus had shown a side that had given Harry the smallest hope that he would one day come to care for him. Small, but a great hope that he may one day have a life that suited himself and not Dumbledore or the ministry.

Finally, he found that sleep tugged heavily at his eyes and he decided to surrender to it.

It was dark, much like it had been most of his life. He felt the shudder of cold bite at his skin. He trembled when thuds of heavy footsteps led up a stairway to come to stand directly in front of the door he was kneeling in front of. The door swung open, light peering through aside from a large shadow that stood in the way of most of it. Harry could feel a chill course over his skin, prickling the surface. A fear took hold of him as that overpowering scent of alcohol and tobacco invading his nostril. Vernon often smelt of alcohol and tobacco when he would come to Harry's room, and the smell was enough to make his stomach clench.

"Freak," the voice said slurring over the word.

Harry felt the first pain run through him as a foot connected with his ribcage. Harry cried out, rolling away. Hands shook at his shoulders and he cringed away. He cried out again, throwing his hand out to swing at the hands that held his shoulders. He kicked his legs, trying to keep the assailant away.

"Harry," the voice said sternly.

Harry tried once more to tear away from the hands that gripped him.

"Potter, wake up!"

Harry's eyes shot open, and he felt his heart flutter when a blurred image of his professor leaning over him came into view. It was still dark inside the room, but Harry was too focused on the face before him. Severus looked worried. Harry was enamored with that gaze that the man was directing at him. Finally, he realized that Severus was waiting for him to answer, and he finally wet his dry throat.

"Severus?" He sat up, rubbing his eyes and giving the man a confused brow.

"What in the Merlin were you dreaming about?" Severus said returning to his normal inexpressive look. "I was nearly kicked clearly off the bed Potter."

"Sorry," Harry said clearing his mind as much as possible. He was all too aware that just by merely thinking about it, Severus could read it. "Nothing really."

"You do not really believe that that fabrication will really convince me, Potter." Harry internally cringed at the informality. He felt sea-sick from all this back and forth Severus was doing. The anger started once more in his stomach. He should know better than to trust that Snape was going to stay as the comforting and trustworthy companion that his head had somehow come up with.

Snape was looking at him, and Harry had to turn his eyes away.

"Interesting," Snape said giving Harry an indiscernible look.

"What?" Harry said trying to avoid letting his anger affect his voice.

"I believe, Mister Potter, that you have effectively learned to keep me out of your thoughts," Snape said a smirk touching his lips. "However, the reason for it must be much more than you would have me believe."

Harry could not believe his ears. He peered at the man a moment in his astonishment. "You can't read my thoughts?"

"Unless you are as empty minded as I was once convinced of," Snape said leaving the smirk still tainting his face. "Then yes, you have effectively blocked all your thoughts from being read. Thus, you have successfully finished the first part of what you will need in order to keep the Dark Lord from your mind. However, I still wish to know what you dreamt of that you are so determined to keep from me."

"I just had a dream of Voldemort," Harry lied.

Severus looked as if he would throw another accusation at him, but seemed to decide against it. "Is that so?"

"Yes," Harry said with stern eyes. He refused to be pitied any more than he already was. He had put his trust so many times in others that would disappoint him with thrusting their hopes and goals on his shoulders. After Severus had clearly made it about defeating Voldemort, Harry refused to let the man see that when faced with his fears, Harry was not courageous or brave; he was childish and scared.

They watched each other for what seemed like hours. The smell of strawberries and cream hung in the air, pungent and sweet. It was overwhelming the way that Severus' eyes glazed over him, now searching for some way to get what he knew was in there out of Harry. His block obviously held because Severus did not seem to catch onto the truth behind Harry's ability.

He could not quite understand why Severus was still pressing him, but he refused to believe it was anything other than the man wanting to no longer be kicked in his slumber.

"I will get you a sleeping draught," Severus said as he stood and walked clear across the room. He pulled a vial out of his potion case and walked back over to Harry's bedside. He set the vial on the side table, but did not hand it to Harry.

"You have seemed out of sorts since yesterday," Severus said almost too gently.

"You don't get to talk to me like that!" Harry said tears jerking away from his eyes. "Don't talk to me like that. You can't just go back and forth like you want to. One minute you're the snarky git I use to know to the word, and now, now you are this person I can't even begin to figure out."

Severus regarded him, obviously taken aback by Harry's outburst. Then the tears came more violently, and Harry was hugging his knees. The pity in the man's eyes made him feel the tightening in his throat and visions of Vernon standing above him in his head.

"You were supposed to stay uncaring," Harry said through his hysteria. "You were supposed to be the only one that never changed, never pitied me."

Harry pulled away as Severus tried to touch him.

"You were supposed to be the only one that understood that I wasn't invincible and capable of defeating Voldemort," Harry said turning glittering, angry eyes on him. "I'm not brave or heroic! I'm just a normal teenage boy that is insignificant and little."

Harry felt his stomach turn violently and his chest heave against the stream of tears flowing from his eyes. He was pouring out his heart to someone that would never love him, and he doubt would actually truly care for him. He was angry at Snape, but mostly angry at himself for letting his heart believe that Snape would ever feel something for him.

"You…" Harry let out an exasperated breath. "You don't get to care."

Snape was looking at him, his eyes wide with shock. If he weren't in such hysterics, he would have laughed. The look was not becoming on the man. However, since he was still in his anger, he did not.

"If you are quite done," Snape said through a voice that commanded to be listened to. "I realize that I have given you a very hard impression of myself. I have not been consistent and certainly, have been more than on an instable base with how I speak and treat you. However, do not for one moment convince yourself that I care nothing for you."

Harry watched him through his watery eyes.

"I know where you are," Severus said with a calmness that would calm a raging storm. "I, myself, dealt with an abusive childhood, and I understand that you do not want to be pitied. The anger was something I had little control of. For that reason, I do care for you, a great deal more than I am willing to voice. I understand that it is difficult to deal with my paroxysmal tendencies but I would ask that you be patient with me. I, too, am certainly perplexed by these new feelings as difficult as it is for me to admit."

In that moment, Severus seemed more than anyone had ever to Harry. He knew that this side of him would never be seen by another. He let his voice trail through his tears as he finally told Snape what was in his heart and had been for a long time.

"I love you."

The words hung in the air like a cloud that threatened to cause a tornado. Harry's heart was visible in his chest, pounding one beat at a time like a hand to a drum. It was difficult to see the expression on the man's face as he had drawn back at the admission. Harry felt his breathing come faster when Severus stood, peering over him like a hound of hell.

"You have an attachment," Severus started obviously battling something internally. "As a child, you do not understand the meaning of those words."

"I do," Harry said angrily. "I understand them more than I ever have. Don't tell me that I have no idea what love is when I spent years locked away in a cupboard wishing for someone to feel it for me. Every night I dreamt of love. Every day, I worked as hard as I could to earn some inkling of it. Never…" he trailed off.

"Never did I feel it until now," Harry said with his eyes glaring holes into the man above him. "I hate you so much because I love you. I love you and I can't do a bloody thing about it. I'm going to love and hate you for what's rest of my life!"

Severus was silent. It made Harry's heart burn in his chest watching the man whom he both loved and hated so much that every time he laid eyes on him, his stomach would turn violently and his chest would hurt incredibly. He did not know where the courage had come from to make his confession since he had none left after screaming at the man, but somehow it overflowed and burst from him.

"You do not know," Severus repeated. "You have grown attached to me as I am the only one to have treated you unlike the others. Do not confuse me when I made a confession of caring for love. I do not love you. I will not love you. I am incapable of love."

He stalked from the room leaving Harry alone in the dark. Harry felt the first stream of tears, and then, shortly followed by whimpers as the dark consumed him. His heart was broken, completely and irrevocably. The pain inside him ached and burned, consuming him into oblivion. He had to flee, run away from the source of it all. He felt the world whirl around him as he took to running down the stairs and outside the cottage. He ran; he ran until his legs could not continue. He ran until his breath came violently and his mouth dry. He ran until he had no idea where he was.

The area surrounded him with trees and plants unknown to the muggle world. He walked along the path, forcing his tears from his eyes and turning away from the pain he had felt previous. He would lose himself in these woods, not in his mind. He refused to lose himself. He refused to acknowledge he had run when he should have chased.

What could he have said to convince Snape? If the man did not and would never love him, what could he have said to make him? Nothing. It was just like he felt in that moment, nothing.

Harry walked through shrubbery and ignored the night chill on his face. He was still in his pajamas but at least, he had good vision to see otherwise he would be blind. He thought of nothing, and then he thought of everything, returning the fire inside his chest. He could not cry anymore, however. His face was numb to his pain and emotion. He could not cry anymore, just like he could not cry for his past.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, he came to a tree, tall with branches and leaves. He sat down beneath it, holding his knees against his chest, and closed his eyes.

When morning began to sneak through the gaps in the leaves, Harry was awoken from his emotionless stupor. He knew that in only a matter of time, he would have to deal with an enraged potion's professor. He knew that Snape would find him because of their connection, and he would be forced to deal with the pain of before.

A branch cracked, and Harry looked up in his alarm. Eyes of a beast peered at him, snarling as it drew closer. Stupid Harry! He had run without his wand. He had left every item in which he needed in a battle in that cottage. He stood, his heart racing deep inside his chest, threatening to break through.

The beast was almost all hair. Its snout was dripping with mucus that it would idly lick away at the prospect of a meal. Sharp, crowded fangs hung precariously from its mouth, ready to rip away meaty flesh. The eyes, however, were the most intimidating about the creature. Bright white and gold, slit through the middle by a pupil that retracted as Harry breathed erratically.

The beast's claws gripped at the earth as it readied to lunge. However, the lunge was cut short by a stream of green, powerful light that slashed at the beast and sent it diving, snout first, into the earth. The nose touched Harry's toe, having not grabbed shoes when he had fled. Harry was breathing heavily as he stared down at the lifeless beast. He looked up as Lucius Malfoy stepped from beyond the shadows.

He looked on Harry, a smile touching his lips. "A very peculiar situation I have caught you in Potter. Even more peculiar is your state of array."

Harry took a step back, hugging his back to the tree. "Get away."

"Or you'll what? Have me in shambles with that directive death glare? Touché," he said as he stepped forward, wand directed at Harry. "I doubt you will be able to do much of anything being wandless."

Harry cursed himself internally as he stood watching Malfoy whip his wand, and he was cuffed in magic and drawn to him.

"Since the Dark Lord has expressed it to me that he has no need for you dead right now," Malfoy said gleaming at him. "I will just have to have a little fun in the meantime."

Harry's stomach dropped, and he swallowed visibly.

Malfoy had his mouth to Harry's ear and whispered, "And believe me, I have many uses for you."

Before Harry could fight back angrily, he was unconscious, swirling in the dark. When he finally awoke, he was bound and on cold stone. His eyes closed as his head pounded in pain. He cringed involuntarily as the throbbing continued causing him to feel nauseous. Where was he?

Water dripped from above, one drop at a time causing his head to pang with each drop that landed. He groaned and tried to shift, but at no avail. His entire body was screaming at him by the time he stopped. Everything hurt internally and externally. He could not remember what happened, but he vaguely remembered Malfoy finding him in the forest.

He heard sounds off in the distance, but could see nothing but stone wall. He felt his heart stutter as foot steps behind him came halting to where he could only assume was a doorway inside his cage.

"Alohomora!" the voice was all too familiar. Harry felt his heart leap clear into his throat as he was unbound and picked up off the floor. Snape whispered something and he felt the definite pull of apparating. When they landed, they were inside the Hogwart's infirmary. He knew the place too well since he had a knack for getting into it.

Harry was placed gently on a bed, and he groaned as his body ached at the contact. He looked at the man above him finding a very angry potion's professor hovering above him. He again felt his heart clench. He had angered Snape, and he knew that the only reason he had been caught was due to his own foolishness.

"I'm sorry," he said through tears. He should have wished harder for death.

"Three days," Snape said through clenched teeth.

"Wha-" he was cut off.

"He had you for three days," Snape said with flames blazing in his eyes.

"It's my fault," Harry said gingerly, afraid of the man's anger.

"I killed him," Snape said finally after taking one long breath.

"You what?" Harry's eyes widened almost impossibly.

"I killed Lucius Malfoy."
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Blood Bond