Life and Its Mysteries

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Chapter 15



Hermione was lying comfortably in Severus’s bathtub. Her body was submerged in hot water, that was mixed with a few calming potions. After she took a sip of the red wine from the glass that she was holding, she closed her eyes and sighed. The potions already had taken effect on her body earlier.



She was exhausted to say the least. The past few days, she hadn’t had a good night’s rest. She was tired through and through—physically and emotionally. She didn’t know how tired she was until recently. The letter, the truth, Severus… the secrets had come out, and it was the load she was carrying on her shoulders was no more. As relief swept through her, she wondered if it was just the effect of the potions.



Of course, she was still feeling angry and sad, and it was because of Bill. Even though the case with Biff was solved, she was blaming herself. If she didn’t have left, maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe Bill would be alive. Maybe…



Joshua was right. She could have died instead. That would have left Tobi in a much more difficult situation later on. Hermione took another sip of her red wine as she thought about Tobi.



How was she going to tell him exactly? He knew what death was, she hinted. Hermione had been in the hospital one too many times, and Tobi visited her everyday. She could see the hurt in his eyes, not liking seeing his Mummy in a hospital bed. In fact, it was he that forced him to take her potions and not the nurses. She was never in a critical condition, but still, she knew Tobi knew all too well.



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Barefooted, and only wearing his black trousers, Severus was seated at the edge of the bed. He was there for the past hour or so, watching the videos of his son on Hermione’s cell phone.



His son? Part of his still had a hard time believing it. And yet, there he was, playing, reading and brewing potions. It amazed him that a boy at such a young age could have such an interest in it. With Tobi’s love for potions and the color of his hair and eyes, it was a dead giveaway. He was a carbon copy of him. He really was his son, and anyone would easily know that if they knew Severus themselves.



Severus wondered what Tobi thought about him. After all, he knew about his existence, knowing that he was his father. It worried him as he thought about it. For Severus, he always had bad thoughts about his father. The man was abusive emotionally and physically. No, it couldn’t be negative thoughts. If Hermione spoke to Tobi about him, she wouldn’t tell him such ugly things… Would she?



“He loves baseball, and even American football,” Hermione said.



Severus looked up and saw Hermione standing at the bathroom door. She was wearing one of his grey shirts which hung until her mid-thighs. She always looked sexy and beautiful in his eyes, even sexier in his clothes.



Hermione saw that questioning look in his eyes when he looked at her, and maybe there was even anger in them. She wasn’t too sure. It made her worry. Was she still angry at him? “Severus… I know things have been too sudden for you. I can stay up in the guest quarters if you need some space, and don’t want me around.”



“What makes you think I wouldn’t want you around?” he frowned. He stretched out one of his arms, gesturing her for her to come towards him.



“It’s just that look that you have,” Hermione replied. “If you’re still angry at me-“



“No, I’m not angry at you,” Severus said firmly as he reached up and pulled her towards him when she was close enough. His hands were gently rubbing the backs of her thighs as he looked up at her.



“Then what is it?”



“I’m just thinking about Tobi… wondering what you said about me.”



“And you think that I would say bad things about him to you?”



Severus sighed. “The way I had pushed you away was cruel. I hurt you, I know that. I just… I’m not exactly the nicest man on this planet.”



“Why is it that you always think negatively of me when it comes to you Severus?” Hermione asked. “Never in my life have I thought of you that way. Yes, you may be an arrogant git sometimes, but that’s who you are. And when it comes to Alex, I never, never, saw you as a monster at any level. I loved you, and I still do. Can’t you understand that?”



Severus lowered his head, not being able to look at her. His heart clenched beneath his chest. He buried his face into her stomach, enjoying the feel of her hands as she gently started to massage his scalp with her fingers. “You know I am not the type of man to show much of my feelings or talk about them,” he said. “But out of everyone in my life, you are the one that I opened myself to the most.”



“You make assumptions of everyone, even me. Some of them are negative, but I can’t change that. You have had a troubled life, it’s understandable. It just is really difficult to know that even you assume the same from me… and it hurts. First Alex and then Tobi.” Tears were falling from her eyes.



“I’m sorry. I can’t be a better man for you.”



“Just promise me that you’ll try to talk to me next time, before you getting mad at me, pushing me away, or breaking my heart again,” Hermione asked softly.



“I promise,” Severus said as he embraced her.



“So where do we are we now?” she asked curiously.



“What do you mean?” he asked, slightly confused or clueless to her question. “We are where you want us to be.”



“I’ve forgiven you but… have you forgiven me? Do you still want me, like you said in the letter, after you being angry at me about Tobi?”



Severus looked up, seeing her tears. He stood up, cupping her face in his hands. “Of course I have,” he replied softly. “I’m to blame in the first place. I still want you, if your heart will still accept me.”



“It’s always been yours,” Hermione sobbed, as she was then pulled into a tight embrace.



A few short minutes later, Hermione’s sobs had ebbed away. Severus and she were lying in his bed. His arms were wrapped around her as she had her head on his bare chest.



“You can love,” Hermione said softly, breaking the silence. “That’s why I never saw you as a monster. If there are any monsters in my life Severus, one would be Ron. If I knew I was pregnant with his child, then I would have aborted it, or maybe even killed myself.” When she felt his arms slightly stiffen around her, she continued. “But when I knew it was yours, I couldn’t have been happier.”



Severus’s arms loosened as he continued to hold her. It was then he knew that Hermione truly loved him, unconditionally.



“Tobias wants to meet you. He actually can’t wait to brew potions with you,” she said with a smile. “Do you remember the potions vial that I had gotten from you last week?”



A nod was Severus’s only reply.



“I told him that it was from his Daddy—you. And then he asked when you were coming so that you could brew together.” Hermione paused for a moment before she continued. “He even asked me if you loved him, and I said that you did, because I know you would—if only you knew… Again, I am sorry.”



Severus gave her a small smile as he tucked her stray strands behind her ear. “There is no need to apologize again. We are both sorry, and starting anew. But…”



“But what?”



“I guess I’m both anxious and nervous about him. I don’t even know if I’ll be a good father. It frightens me that I might end up like mine.”



“Sev,” Hermione said softly, placing a hand on his chest, atop where his heart was. “You can love. Your father never did. You’re different, and it will never be that way. I know that you are a great father, because you have become a wonderful boyfriend to me. I’m sure that took you as a surprise before.”



“You know me better than I know myself Hermione,” he said softly as he thought about the ring in the nightstand. He wanted to propose. “One day, I will be more than just a boyfriend to you.”



Hermione leaned forward and kissed him softly on his lips.



“Say my name Petal,” he murmured against hers.



“Severus,” she said as she pulled back.



“No. Not that name.”



“Sev.”



“With all the cuddling and snuggling you want,” Severus said as he pulled her to him yet again. Like he wrote in the letter, he loved cuddling and snuggling with her.



Hermione smiled and kissed his chest, right before laying her head down on it. She closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat beneath his chest. It’s been a long five years to be next to him, in his bed, with him holding her, where she belonged.



“I’m sorry about Bill,” Severus said softly as he ran his fingers through her hair. He hadn’t forgotten about her friend, even though most of their conversations had been about them and Tobi.



“Mmm-hmm…” Hermione barely murmured. “Come with me to New York?”



“I will,” Severus replied. He was pleased that she asked him to. He turned his head, and looked at the nightstand. He raised his hand in the air, and silently, the drawer opened and the small velvet box flew into his hand. “I know it’s been five years Hermione,” he started as he opened the box. “Marry me?”



There was a dead silence that Severus heard, before he could hear some soft snoring. He looked down at Hermione closely, noticing that she had fallen asleep. She was tired after all he knew. He smiled at himself and summoned the box into the drawer with the ring.



“Sleep well Petal,” Severus murmured against her brow right after kissing it. Now wasn’t the time to propose. He was hoping that next time, it would be better, and that she would say, ‘Yes.’



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AN – The proposal didn’t push through, but we all know they will get to that point. Review!