Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Crap! #2	By : blastendedskrewt Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 32233 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own anything in Harry Potter's universe and make no money from writing this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Author’s Note:

Thanks for all the reads, rates and reviews! All the same warnings apply.

(This one is dedicated to suicidein_angelseyes and vampirekisses for their kind words and inspiration all along)

adoracorazon: Thanks so much for reading and responding! I’ve written this sequence under a different name to keep this all separate and anonymous—but if you want, I’ll tell you (and anyone else) in private. I added the email address associated with this story to my profile. Glad to hear from you and that you like the story!

suicidein_angeleyes: Thanks so much for your continued support and kind words! It means so much that you take the time to write, and even more that you like the story. ‘Thank you, so much, for gifting the fanfiction community with this series’— That is such a HUGE compliment! I have hoped that through putting in the effort of writing this in a respectable manner that I would be doing right by people into this kink and presenting it in a way so it could make sense to those who have never really considered it before. So, THANK YOU! It makes me happy to know you are out there…

vampirekisses: Thanks so much for your review, I love how you analyze the characters! I always thought Draco and Hermione would really like and respect each other once they got over their past. Even though they have grown up and mellowed, I envision that Ron will always think Draco is kind-of a pompous prat and Draco will always see Ron as a bit of an unsophisticated boor, but they keep it to themselves and can appreciate their other good qualities and be friendly for Harry’s sake (and have finally been able to set aside the jealousies and prejudices they held towards each other as kids). As for Harry and Draco, I just never bought those stories in which they are completely sweet and fluffy with one another; they are so different, and competitive, but it works for them. And they enjoy pushing each other’s boundaries and the banter is now tempered with a great love. It makes me incredibly happy that you think so deeply about the dynamics of the story and take the time to write such nice things… Really and truly (you are continuing to rack up good Karma points to help in RL :)

I was aiming to post this on the Summer Solstice because that’s when the Bonding takes place, but since I got it done much earlier than expected, it just didn’t seem right to make anyone wait… So, here it is for Draco’s birthday! Hope all you fans of squick enjoy this one!

)*(

Unexpected! (life is full of surprises and shit happens)

The small crowd of close friends and family were assembled in the meadow, fanned out in a semi-circle, facing the white flower-covered archway (which may or may not have been a plethora of lilies and narcissus—nobody was sure if Draco’s mother had gone that cliché—but they were ivory and beautiful, fluttering in the faint breeze). Everyone stared at the focal point that had been erected in front of the mysterious Druid post. The gathered guests fell into a hush as the sun sunk low in the Heavens and the ministry official who was to perform the Bonding impatiently consulted his pocket-watch (which squeaked, ‘it’s almost time’).

A crack of double Apparition rent the air. Harry and Draco appeared before the group, dressed in their formal robes; their grass-green and sky-blue finery blended in harmony against the back-drop of the natural, pastoral setting.

With the sunset beginning, the fiery orb first dipping on the horizon, the officiant began. Harry was so hopped-up on adrenaline that he hardly heard the general preamble full of words extolling the virtues of love, fidelity and commitment.

Then it was time to start the ritual. His fingers fumbled for Draco’s ring and slid it on his hand a bit clumsily. Draco had explained earlier that the braids of gold and silver, while pretty in their own right, were made according to specific standards in order to act as conduits for the magical binding to take root.

They clasped left hands, the rings touching, and crossing their wrists, formed an entwined fist with their right, holding their wands vertically pressed together in the center. Harry gave a sultry smirk with a lascivious glint in his eye to Draco, knowing that he knew what he was thinking; the blond stifled a smile back, loving him all the more for his dirty mind. But now was not the time for juvenile innuendo. He narrowed his silver eyes and focused on the proceedings. The first incantations were being spoken and the oaths they were to make were being presented for their solemn agreement.

The promises were rather similar to the Muggle weddings Aunt Petunia used to watch on her daytime television dramas, Harry mused, but it was unmistakably a Wizarding affair, as each accepted term bound ropes of magic around their joined hands. The shimmering energy tied knots that tickled and buzzed against their skin. When the last component of the contractual spell was spoken, the bindings—somehow assessing their sincerity-- melted under their flesh and the man from the ministry pronounced them officially Bonded and bade them to seal their union with a kiss.

The minute their mouths melded, a swirling gold and silver mist surrounded them—it was if it emanated from their very souls, shrouding them in a euphoric sense of well-being and profound peace. A gong-like music resonated, growing louder, swelling from within and enveloping the couple, the witnesses and imbued the atmosphere with a haunting harmonic melody; it sounded like the soothing, mystical notes of phoenix-song.

The newly-Bound men hummed in contentment.

Harry was swimming in the feeling like the last piece of a puzzle had been fitted into his core and rendered him complete; he was overwhelmed by a solace so deep that he could only describe it as ‘a spiritual orgasm’. Raw magic electricity crackled in a halo from above and vibrated all molecules from below.

Heaven and Earth breathed a satisfied sigh.

He barely registered that they had levitated slightly off the ground, floating on an orb of white light while their lips softly kneaded each other-- until they broke the kiss to stare lovingly into each other’s eyes in wonderment and joy and their toes touched ground again.

As the last ringing chords radiated away across the expanse of the Universe from the epicenter that was the happy couple, utter silence reigned in the newly forming twilight.

And then the cacophony exploded.

Whatever Harry had expected, it was not the pandemonium that was currently taking place! He’d anticipated some misty eyes from the women perhaps-- with a gruff hug from Ginny, knowing she’d inexorably, forever lost her place as his future wife-- and some uncomfortable throat-clearing from the men but accompanied by reticent yet cordial congratulatory handshakes (plus maybe a wolf-whistle or two from Seamus and George).

But not this. Everyone had gone completely mental!

Draco had been swept away from him and crushed in Narcissa’s embrace, who was silently weeping into his hair; his Aunt Andromeda with Teddy were crowded around, cupping his face and kissing his cheeks; his co-workers jubilantly screaming and patting his back wherever they could reach around his mother’s quivering arms.

Harry was mobbed as well by all his friends and then engulfed in Molly’s famous bear-hugs while she blubbered incoherently through her wide smile; Arthur wrapped his arms around them both and then Ron and Charlie were ruffling his hair (His best friend laughing with abandon and saying, “Only you mate… trust you to never do anything the ordinary way”); Fleur was sobbing also, stoking his arm as Bill supported her, as she repeated over and over, “Eet iz a miracle! Eet iz a miracle!”; it took Hermione a bit longer to reach him, but she waddled over as fast as she could, squealing, “A Pure Bond! A True Match! Oh my god!”

He looked to Draco then to the ministry official, who looked shaken and was leaning heavily on the petal-laden trellis. “Never thought I’d see one, much less perform one…” the astounded man muttered to himself mopping his brow with a hanky. What? The guy didn’t know what he was doing? But everyone seemed so ecstatically happy (even Minerva McGonagall was grinning like a loon, something he never thought he’d see the perpetually stern witch do as long as he lived)-- So it couldn’t have been anything too bad… Could it?

His Bonded was looking overwhelmed but pleased with all the attention; he was now being accosted by all the Weasley’s as well. Arthur was clasping him and Molly, just as they had done with Harry. Gone was any of the reluctant and hesitant civility— in its place was unguarded and total acceptance. The horde of former Gryffindors were all enthusiastically welcoming him into the fold, even Neville was giving him a one-armed hug slung around his shoulders with cheerful merriment as if they had been life-long chums.

Narcissa swept the confused brunet into her arms then cupped his face to reverently kiss his forehead and cheeks, then whispered with a voice thick in an uncharacteristic warmth of emotion-- “I have never seen my boy so happy. I thank you… my new Son.” Then it was Andromeda’s turn and then he was surrounded by the Healer’s co-workers who were all petting his arms, neck and shoulders much more affectionately than mere acquaintances normally would.

It almost seemed as if everyone in the audience thought that they could feel the magic of their Bond, just by being near and touching them. Maybe they could… Maybe they were infused with the same sense of euphoric tranquility towards the world and humanity that he and Draco currently were…

George and Seamus broke away from the throng to start setting off WWW patented fire-works and that gave more people something else to focus on and gush over the unusual outcome of the ceremony amongst themselves. The confused brunet searched for where Luna had disappeared to, and found her hunched over a piece of parchment, scribbling quickly. Dean stood beside her, tapping out spells on his camera and extracting a photo that came spitting out the bottom.

“Harry! Come read this,” the honey-blonde witch called to him as she waved him over to the table. “I have some last minute edits for you to approve…” He was sure it was fine-- she never wrote anything he wouldn’t have wanted. She snaked a friendly arm around his waist as he peered over her shoulder.

[Alicia, new headline!!!! “A Pure Soul-Bond on the Summer Solstice!”

Pls. change opening line to “In a small, intimate sunset ceremony among a gathering of close family and friends, HJP and DAM were blessed with the first True Match in a century.” Pls. fact-check when the last one was-- I can’t remember the exact date, but it was early 1900’s and somewhere in North America. I know it’s in ‘Binding Magical Contracts: A Guide to Wizarding Marriages and Bonds’. Use their definition and cite the book, be sure to mention how rare and special they are (it really unfolded exactly like they described! Seriously! Oh my! I’m still trembling and tingling all over!!).

Then you can go on with the original story, where we started it with “The journey of the relationship between these two extraordinary individuals began when they met at 11 years of age, etc. etc.” Then reiterate at the end more about the amazing miracle and mysticism of the Pure Soul-Bond, how beautiful, two halves of a whole, the most sacred ancient magic, etc. Keep the last line the same, “please respect the newly Bonded couple’s privacy, etc.” You can word it better, I’m sure. (I’m too excited to concentrate right now!!). Then print and distribute ASAP. I’ll give an exclusive on how the ceremony went later… Thx!!

PS. How beautiful is the photo?? (Credit Dean Thomas—he has loads more) It was even more awesome in person!! PPS. I called it! You owe me 10 Galleons!]

Well, that explained a lot! (Once again, The-Boy-Who-Lived was the clueless oaf, not understanding what most people took for granted about the Wizarding World.)

He looked around at the festive crowd again with a new appreciation for how odd the reaction had been. He gazed lovingly at the people he cared most about and the feeling of contentment that buoyed his spirit soared even further. He needed to be with Draco. He found him surrounded by well-wishers that were treating him like a dear family member and his heart throbbed.

When he had made is way to his beautiful Official partner and whispered in his ear, “Did you know?” he got the enigmatic reply full of unrestrained pride and joy, “One always hopes…” (Harry smirked; his beautiful bel esprit never did like to admit when he wasn’t aware of all the facts beforehand.) Suddenly, they were both scooped up and hoisted onto Hagrid’s shoulders while the half-giant bellowed, “To Harry and Draco! Together forever! Hooray!” and in a few strides, deposited them at their seats at the head table.

Side by side, hand in hand, (Fuck, it felt so good that they didn’t’ have to HIDE anymore!!) they led their guests to feast, eat cake and drink—which led to toasts, some sappy, others teasing with good humour. George’s self-replenishing fireworks provided a vibrant back-drop to a party that grew more raucous with each libation consumed—with laughing and music and dancing-- until the little ones were dropping off into snooze-land.

When they finally called it a night and made to set off as an Official couple on the first part of their honeymoon (yes, Harry had checked and it was still acceptable to call their post-ceremony holiday that) Luna called after them with a huge grin on her face. “It’s done! The story is out! Go in peace and I’ll help Rosebud if she needs it. Don’t worry about anything here…” then, engulfed in a three-way embrace, she added with a mischievous smile, “and remember— the offer of surrogacy still stands!”

Right before they Apparated to the Portkey station, they both noticed Narcissa’s eyes had lit up with interest.

_)*(_

Harry had been more than happy to give over the responsibility of planning their world tour to Draco, having never been out of the UK before—and only then the travel had been for school or work (the Valentine’s day trip didn’t really count since it was still just Hogsmeade/Hogwarts, a place they’d been so many times before). The blond had a specific agenda in mind and it included his favourite spots in Europe, starting with the cities surrounding the Malfoy villas in France, Italy and Greece.

Next, he planned for them to branch out to more exotic locales in Tibet, Japan, New Zealand, Australia, Nigeria and Peru to name a few. They weren’t going to stay in any one place too long so that they wouldn’t be discovered and bothered. Plus, there were many rare potion specimens spread over the globe in distant places and the Healer was determined to collect all he could.

The brunet kind-of glazed over when his newly-Bonded got into his fervent lecture mode—or passionate and glee-full, describing what great deals he was getting by procuring the portions from the source. The relaxing Auror just nodded and grinned vacantly; he was simply enjoying spending time with his lover, seeing new and exciting sights, buying souvenirs and sampling unusual cuisine (all the while getting as much sex as humanly possible).

They were both pleasantly surprised that when they DID get recognized, people were generally polite and left them be. Apparently they were renowned the world over (among Wizarding communities, at least) but they were not so controversial since the Voldemort War did not have the same impact and personal stakes for them.

Often, they were just pointed to and shyly smiled at, the language barrier keeping their interactions to a minimum; occasionally they were asked for an autograph or a picture, but it was at a tolerable, respectful level. And they were gone to their next destination before any press back home could catch wind of their location and hunt them down for a scoop.

Luna and Rosebud regularly sent updates. Things were going fairly well, and their story was well-received. The brilliant Ravenclaw-trained woman had done her job superbly, and most people were now thinking of the couple’s history as the most epic love-story of the age.

It had everything:

The down-trodden orphan revealed to be a prophesized hero and the prince-like boy that fell for him; two school-yard adversaries becoming star-crossed lovers torn apart by opposite sides of a terrible war and facing opposition on all sides while keeping their relationship hidden; the ‘privileged’ boy who surrendered his wand to his secret lover to save the world—And how they found their way back to each other after defeating a terrible tyrant with their forbidden love so strong that it triumphed over insurmountable odds.

And to top it all off, they were a found to be a Pure Bond!!

That kind of stuff didn’t “just happen” in real life—it was like an unknown or long-lost Beedle’s tale that captured the quintessential fantasy of two Souls finding each other and magically altering their cores because they had always been meant for each other! (But it wasn’t a fantasy… It happened for them… the records and pictures couldn’t lie.) Luna’s words had inspired the planet to find hope in dark times, not judge by outward appearances alone and believe in the possibilities of true love.

Hermione wrote occasionally as well, when she was able. Harry felt a twinge of guilt not being there for Rose’s birth, but was reassured that he’d been there for Hugo’s (and had been basically useless—and Ron had the entire Weasley support system to keep him from freaking out). Plus, she insisted it was fine and to just enjoy himself on his travels and promise to tell her every last bit that he learned.

One of the most memorable highlights of the trip occurred the first evening they were spending in Cancun, Mexico.

Although they’d enjoyed their piquant dinner on the outdoor patio by the sea, Draco was complaining of nausea and intestinal cramps by the time they made it back to the room. It happened while they were lounging around, naked in bed and smoking a bit of the Sinsemilla the Healer had purchased (strictly for its soporific and eupeptic qualities in potions, of course) in an attempt to settle his queasy stomach and digestive distress.

Amidst a fit of coughing, the blond abruptly stopped mid-hack when he felt the force of his crunched abdominals send a scorching squirt out his sphincter. It was so unpredictable and without warning that he froze in shock, mortified beyond belief. Draco was trembling, desperately clamping his butthole closed, knowing that there was a lot more liquid shit now threatening to flow.

Beneath him, the sheets were soggy and sticking to his skin; he couldn’t hide what had transpired for long. There was already an acrid aroma rising from the stained area. Still, he was paralyzed with indecision. He needed his wand to vanish the vile indiscretion smeared all over his back side, but it was over on the nightstand and he’d have to lift up and lean over Harry to get it.

Harry hadn’t noticed anything amiss yet and was stubbing out the hand-rolled cigarette, but when he looked back at his Bonded, he saw his eyes bugging out and blushing the most brilliant shade of crimson. The brunet was about to ask what was wrong when he smelled it. “Nice one,” he smirked, thinking that his lover had just cut a super-strong fart (and that it would help him feel better soon). He wasn’t expecting Draco to look so close to tears and start huffing and puffing while pulling the white sheet around his nude form, dislodging the carefully arranged bedclothes.

Clearly more upset than Harry thought he would be at a little teasing, Draco snapped, “That spicy swill they had the audacity to call food has made me ill!” (Harry smiled indulgently at his vehement complaints—Draco had devoured the local delicacies with as much gusto as he had-- the blond was just embarrassed over his intestinal ailment and masking his humiliation with haughty anger). As Draco stood to make his way around the foot of the bed and towards the loo, the brown splotch on the bed became apparent.

It was inevitable. He couldn’t disguise the dreadful, damning evidence.

Harry’s eyes widened in surprise (and his penis perked up in interest as to what he could imagine was under Draco’s makeshift toga). “Tootsieeeee…” Harry purred breathily, leaning back against the pillows and pulling on his hardening prick “Do you have more?”

The beleaguered blond whirled around and pinned him with a glare.

It was one thing to brace himself to commit (and execute) such a dirty act, but it was downright horrifying to have such a loss of control happen unplanned and without his permission! Even the time he sharted on Harry on Valentine’s Day-- although unanticipated—it didn’t come as so much of a surprise since they’d just been playing with laxative potions (plus, letting loose a little mud-honey now and again after sex wasn’t too rare of an occurrence or a big deal). But this was neither. He could have been in public!!

And it was entirely worse to have Harry’s avid attention on him, getting turned on when his body failed him. “I didn’t mean to!” he hissed, trying to keep the whine out of his voice. “It was an accident!” (He couldn’t even enjoy the sight of Harry’s fist manipulating his fully engorged manhood, such was the strength of his angst)

“That makes it even hotter!” Harry squealed as he sped up his strokes, breath hitching and stuttering. “Do you have any more?” he asked again, the hope evident in his pleading tone.

Draco pursed his lips, not feeling playful in the least—just dirty and ashamed at his physical weakness. His irritated innards gave another unpleasant, urgent lurch and he wasn’t even sure he could make it to the commode at this point (any movement in any direction threatened to make his over-taxed O-ring spill his guts uncontrollably).

Summoning his most spectacular glower, he grumbled, “Is this what you want?!” Throwing away the last shred of his dignity, he ripped aside the sheet and turned to hover his messy ass over the man masturbating at the edge of the bed (green eyes dilated further at the doo-doo dribbling around his derrière). “Fine! Take it! Don’t come crying to me if you don’t like it!”

With a determined grunt, he bore down with all his might, letting loose his vitriol over the shituation along with his bowels. Watery feces sprayed out his aching aperture and his crap cascaded over Harry’s cock and balls. They both groaned (but for very different reasons). Harry was awash in poo and pleasure, Draco shuddered in revulsion and relief.

The brunet thrummed his fingers, letting the slick shit slip over and under the knuckles sliding up and down his shaft. He cupped his sac and kneaded gently, rubbing the hot wetness of the excrement into his skin and pubes. Draco took one brief glance at the sickly swamp he’d released onto his lover and emitted a small ‘tch’ noise (a mixture of disbelief and dismissal); begrudging his lover’s extreme arousal, he muttered, “Whatever!”, quickly cast a terse ‘Rhinal Anasenthsia’ to cut the disgusting odor and then stalked into the bathroom with as much poise as he could muster.

Harry’s climax erupted cataclysmically to the distant sounds of more explosive diarrhea echoing in the toilet bowl. After clearing up the ruined linens and hearing the taps turn on, he joined a very sullen former Slytherin in the shower.

Draco was still sulking when they woke up the next morning-- even Harry ordering his True-Match’s breakfast favourites from room-service did nothing to assuage his pronounced pout. “Oh come on, Tootsie,” Harry cajoled with a gentle smile as he lifted the blond’s chin so he could look into his eyes, “It’s not that bad…”

“It didn’t happen to you!” the Pureblood petulantly retorted, rolling over onto his side. He was still cringing over being caught unaware. He heard his lover scoot further across the bed on his belly, rumpling the blanket as he reached out to caress his stiff shoulders.

Harry could empathize.

“You think I don’t understand? At least it was only in front of me! I had a full-on accident that time at the hospital and some stranger saw it!” Draco’s lips twitched, trying not to give in to the grin that was forming. It was true. They had been in private behind closed doors… and it was just Harry… his beautiful Bond-mate… who loved him no matter what. As if reading his mind, the brunet continued, “And you know I don’t mind it…” he squeezed his growing erection at the memory, “In fact, I enjoyed your unexpected case of the runs very much.”

“You certainly did,” Draco muttered dryly, determined not to let go of his funk just yet even though the initial humiliation had faded (it was more the fact that it had frightened him that it could have, potentially, happened in pulic). He was now realizing that he was actually a bit jealous, wishing the roles had been reversed, so that he could have found pleasure in the incident. “I didn’t get to come, though. I was in too much pain. How are you going to make it up to me?”

The brunet beamed. “What do you want?”

Draco appeared to be giving it some serious thought and then said, with an air of solemn sincerity, “I think I deserve something of like value.” Harry opened his mouth to respond when Draco whipped his wand around and shot him with an evacuation charm; he felt Harry had plenty of warning already—far more than he had had last night.

“Gah!” Harry yelped, not expecting the desperate need to shit so soon.

The vacationing-Auror had already ascertained his regular morning dump was going to be rather loose while he’d finished his coffee —it felt all bubbly and squidgy. (It appeared that the meal from the night before hadn’t agreed with him either, although perhaps not as suddenly and violently as Draco’s more delicate system.) But he thought he’d have at least enough time to make it to the WC…

Though as it was now, the crap was coming out of its own accord…

Draco’s breath left in a whoosh; he hadn’t expected the effects of his spell to work so instantaneously. He stared in fascination as the sludgy stool oozed from between the buttocks that his beau was vainly attempting to hold shut; it was steadily pumping out onto the backs of Harry’s thighs (and called to mind the Muggle machine they saw at the street carnival that dispensed soft-serve ice cream).

One pale hand strayed to his crotch to tease his throbbing length as the mound of manky mush grew.

Silver eyes barely blinked, not wanting to miss a second of his Bonded’s assplosion. He began tugging his tumescence in earnest when very loud gurgling, popping sounds filled the air as pockets of gas burst and spluttered through the soft poop, adding to its whipped texture (with the consistency of mashed potatoes).

Harry buried his flushed face in a pillow and focused on letting it go with his blessing.

The moist heat thrilled him the worst way and soon he found himself impossibly hard; under the weight of his nasty load, his hips began a minute grinding and rubbing, stimulating the boner trapped between his tummy and mattress. Covered in a patina of perspiration, the tan muscled man’s humping hips became more enunciated and sped up.

“Ohhhh Baby!” Draco whimpered, practically drooling at how erotic the sight laid out before him was and couldn’t hold back any longer.

He straddled his lover’s legs and plunged his weeping prick through the humid pile of poo, in between the taut cheeks and within the pulsing, pliant point of give. The position didn’t allow for deep penetration, but his shaft was well stimulated by the caress of the glutes rhythmically tightening around it with each thrust—and the poking of the head of his prick inside Harry’s rectum made the man writhing under him to start up a continuous moan, the cadence rising and falling with each gasp.

Harry bucked and thrashed, pushing back onto Draco’s pulsating pole and forward to fuck the mattress. The depraved brunet’s orgasm ripped through him and he howled; seeing, hearing and the sucking, swallowing sensation of Harry reaching his peak in such a debauched way had Draco hurtling over the precipice a second later.

They both collapsed in sated contentment, their limp bodies and leadened limbs sandwiched in a sickly sticky heap.

_)*(_

They rounded out the end of their world tour in Yellowstone National Park in the middle of North America, of all places.

Draco insisted that the land-- famous for hot springs and geysers-- had many precious and beneficial materials useful in brews for the treatment of arthritis, nerve damage, and general malaise (plus several other things the Auror didn’t remember from Draco’s rhapsodic recitation). Harry just took his word for it, and turned a blind eye while the Healer illegally harvested small vials of various muds, mineral waters and tiny crystals that clung to the edges of the unusual steaming pools.

It never really hurt anybody-- he rationalized to himself. Draco didn’t take too much of any one thing to disrupt the ecosystem… and it could help somebody someday…

Their international Portkey would take them back home tomorrow, but they had to make the obligatory trek to see the world’s most famous geyser, ‘Old Faithful’ (apparently, no one could visit that park and NOT witness it due to its regularity of release). So, on their last afternoon of the holiday, they stood at the back and a bit apart from a small crowd of people, listening to the docent’s spiel about the natural phenomena.

Harry wrapped his arms around Draco’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder as they waited for the thing to spout.

Draco’s subtle wriggling of his pelvis against Harry’s was quickly deteriorating his concentration. The blond was rarely demonstrative with physical affections in public, but for some reason, with all the people turned away from them, he frotted faintly (in fact, the relative anonymity of being so far from home had made him more courageous and daring on this trip).

“Mmmmm…” Harry purred in his ear, pressing his half-hard penis forward into the cleft of his lover’s clothed ass, wishing the damn thing would just gush already so they could say they saw it and get back to the hotel.

Suddenly, the first spurts shot into the air and the tourists’ cameras started snapping and whirring furiously. “Look at that,” Draco leaned back and murmured quietly, “All the good little Muggles, capturing Mother Nature’s money-shot.”

“Tootsie!” Harry exclaimed, rolling his eyes. Now all he could see was the parallel to blowing a load of jizz; the frothy, foamy jets of steaming liquid that arched high into the air and splashed back to soak the Earth, then slowing to drips and dribbles, directly mimicked human climactic release. “You’re incorrigible!”

Draco sniggered, chuffed at making that mental image stick and that Harry had used a big fancy word that he’d undoubtedly learned from him. If he thought thatwas incorrigible… he’d show him! With a smirk he ground his butt harder against the hard lump in the front of his Soul-Mate’s trousers. Before the excitement of the natural spectacle was over and the audience would turn their attention away from the front of the outdoor amphitheater, Draco pushed his guts forcibly and farted on Harry.

The brunet didn’t hear it, but he sure felt the searing gust of hot gas on his groin (and fought not to dry-hump himself to completion right then and there); the blond always did have a way to get his blood pumping and ignite sparks of passion in him. His grip on Draco tightened as groaned in wanton desire and growled, “Room! NOW!”

Nobody noticed that the handsome British gay couple in the back row had spun on the spot and disappeared without a trace.

)*(

Author’s Note:

Um… Yeah. I lied. This was supposed to be an epilogue, with just a final wipe-up—uh, wrap-up—with no scat/sex, only a little blurb about the bonding ceremony and honeymoon.

But it got long enough to be a chapter in its own right… and then Draco went and had that accident, and Harry had a forced one (that I thought people might be interested to know about). It seems the cycle came full circle—entirely unintentionally and a complete surprise to me-- paralleling the original Crap! and Crap! #2 scenarios…

*sigh* These things really take on a mind of their own sometimes (personally, I think our boys were conspiring against me to not give up on this version of Potterverse just yet). But yeah, the next installment really will be a proper epilogue…

Thanks for reading!!
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Crap! #2