Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Lost and Damned

We�re Not Playing a Game Anymore

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Severus found himself so lost in thought, he didn�t notice the silence that had fallen upon himself and his student. He merely sat in his chair, staring off into space and taking small sips of his brandy now and then. It had been a long and hard lesson that had left Potter exhausted, though they had managed a small amount of chit chat. Things had been tense for the past few days, since their disagreement concerning Draco Malfoy. Severus found it hard to believe that Potter wanted to help out the young Malfoy�Severus was fiercely protective of his godson, even more so since the discovery of what took place between father and son. Draco had even come to him about it the following day and the pair agreed that it was odd and uncertain of what to trust.
Tonight, Potter was daring enough to bring it up and Severus had forced himself to remain silent to hear the boy out. �I�m not trying to do anything, you know,� the boy had exclaimed in exasperation, desperate for someone to believe him. �I mean, he�s a right git, so I don�t know why I would want to be his friend�But I dunno. Just because he�s an arse, doesn�t mean he deserves to be treated like that. By his own father, no less! And just�� by now, the boy was flushing in such a manner that Severus found it hard to keep hold of his anger. �I dunno. I mean, I would never go through all of the trouble just to humiliate him. That�s such a�Slytherin thing to do. And I know, I know�I really messed up with what I said to him. I apologized and I know that doesn�t make it better, but�ugh. I regret saying it and I want to make up for it and�I dunno,� Potter had carried on, before letting out a breath of frustration and settling back on the couch, blushing furiously.
�Shut up, Potter,� Severus said coolly, though his voice was far less sharp and mean as it had been lately. Potter seemed to notice and he relaxed a bit, going on to talk about how happy he was to be going to the Burrow for Christmas and teased him about having to stay here with Umbridge while Potter got a chance to escape her for a while. Severus listened for a while before slowly falling into his current state of pensiveness. There was much to think about, concerning Potter�s earlier outburst concerning Draco. In all honesty, his godson could use someone to talk to. Someone his age. A real friend. Severus wasn�t sure how to even get Draco to like that idea, but maybe it would be good for him. Somehow, part of Severus had finally begun to believe Potter. A smaller part still refused to buy it, still sore over renewed memories of his school years suffering at the hands of James Potter, still bitter and still refusing to believe any Potter could be any good. The bigger part of him, though, could see how much like Lily he was�And more importantly, how much like Severus himself he was. What Potter had said to Draco was awful, but Severus very clearly remembered that horrible day when he called Lily a Mudblood, ruining their friendship forever�He hadn�t meant it and in a fit of anger it had come out�And it wasn�t even Lily he had been angry with! Severus, though he would never admit it, could see how one could say something so awful without being intentionally nasty.
He certainly wasn�t about inform Draco of that.
He didn�t want to feel better about Potter�He felt far more comfortable disliking the boy. Still, he resigned himself to the fact that he could no longer hate him. Instead he let his mind wander, his heart growing painful in his chest as he thought about his sweet Lily�Her dark red hair and her beautiful, plump lips he had always wanted to kiss�After a while he was horrified to discover he was imagining running his fingers through unruly black hair, staring down into familiar green eyes darkened in lust, tracing his fingertip over a lightning bolt shaped scar�Severus blinked rapidly, his heart pounding harshly in his chest. Where the bloody hell did that come from? He quickly downed the last of his brandy and stood up. He really needed to clear his head�Or get his head checked out. Surely there was something mentally unstable about him, if he was entertaining such thoughts about Potter�And he didn�t even have the excuse of being asleep or recently seeing one of Potter�s dreams. He definitely needed to make an appointment at St. Mungo�s during break, he thought bitterly.
Odd hissing noises alerted Severus to the fact that Potter was still here! He froze and stared down at the boy who was asleep on his couch. His beautiful face was scrunched up and his lips were moving, emitting those strangely exotic hissing sounds while his body twitched, each movement of his limbs growing more and more violent until he was near thrashing on the couch. Severus�s eyes grew wide as he watched the boy suffering from his nightmare�Of course, this was Potter�It couldn�t be an ordinary nightmare, could it? �Damn it, Potter�Just got through practicing Occlumency,� Severus muttered, his agitation weak as he moved forward and hesitantly crouched down beside the boy. �Shouldn�t even be sleeping in here�Potter. Potter, wake up,� Severus commanded, reaching out uncertainly. He had strong reservations about touching the boy after everything, but he needed to wake up. It wasn�t safe to continue having dreams about the Dark Lord. Pushing past his issues, Severus grabbed the boy to hold him still and shook him gently. �Potter, wake up! Wake up!� Severus said a bit more loudly. Finally his movements stilled a bit, his braething ragged, and those bright green eyes Severus had only moments ago been imagining flew open, wild in some sort of sick delight that soon melted into fear and confusion. �Potter,� Severus said, slowly stilling his hands and staring down at him, taking a moment to pull his hands back to himself.
�Professor!� the boy gasped, shooting up so fast it surprised Severus. Potter hissed again, though it sounded more like a normal sound of pain rather than the language of snakes. �You have to get help! Mr. Weasley is hurt!�
Severus froze, cocking an eyebrow. Arthur Weasley? Severus wracked his brain, trying to think of any special missions assigned to Arthur Weasley at the last Order meeting.
�He�s been attacked! You have to tell Dumbledore! Quick! He needs help! There�s blood everywhere!�
Severus nodded and stood up quickly, grabbing Potter and helping him to his feet. �We�re going to go see the headmaster. Do not under any circumstances tell him you were asleep on my couch�You were helping me grade papers and got bored and fell asleep. I shall make a remark about your atrocious snoring,� he said with a snort, keeping his hand on Potter as they quickly moved to exit his chambers and headed out into the hallway. It was almost curfew and they passed no one in the halls as they headed to the headmaster�s office. Potter looked unwell when he awoke, so Severus kept his hand on his arm to keep him steady and only yanked it away as they stood in front of the gargoyles guarding the office.
�Fizzing Whizbee,� Severus said. The gargoyle sprang to life and leapt aside and the wall behind split in two, allowing them entrance to the moving stone staircase. Part of him was tempted to reach out and hold onto Potter�s arm again, but he looked steady enough by now. He resisted the urge and held his arms firmly at his sides until they reached the door, knocking with the griffin knocker. He stood back, feeling nearly as anxious as Potter looked as the door opened and the two stepped in.
�Oh, it�s you, Professor Snape�and�ah.�
�Headmaster, Potter has had�a vision,� Severus explained, nodding to the boy. Potter wasn�t paying much attention to him, though. Instead his wide, bloodshot eyes were focused on Albus. After a moment the old man nodded to the younger wizard and Potter glanced between both men before speaking.
�Sir, Mr. Weasley�s been attacked! Someone has to help him,� Potter explained quickly. �Attacked by a giant snake!�
Albus slowly nodded. �How did you see this?� he asked quietly.
�Well, I don�t know,� Potter said, his tone angry and Severus was tempted to reprimand him and take points for using such a tone with the headmaster. Albus was calm, though, and Severus wondered why they didn�t immediately get to the point. Wasn�t it more important to ask where the vision had taken place, rather than how the boy had seen it take place? Severus wasn�t exactly good friends with Arthur, but he didn�t think it right to let an innocent man die if they could help the situation. He said nothing, though. Albus was wise and after all these years, he had finally started understanding that the headmaster was normally right about things.
�You misunderstand me,� Albus said, his voice remaining calm as ever. �I mean�can you remember--er--where you were positioned as you watched the attack happen? Were you perhaps standing beside the victim or else looking down on the scene from above.�
�I was the snake,� Potter said. �I saw it from the snake�s point of view��
Severus turned sharply to stare at the boy. He was the snake? He turned to Albus and opened his mouth, but just as quickly closed it and said nothing.
�Is Arthur seriously injured?� Albus asked, his voice sharp now.
�Yes!�
Severus could sympathize with the boy�s frustrations. It was likely done on Order business and there was no doubt in his mind that Potter was speaking of the Dark Lord�s snake, Nagini. Severus very well couldn�t run out and do anything and instead waited impatiently as Albus took control of the situation, standing as still as ever as he and Potter watched Albus stand and address one of the portraits. �Everard? And you, too, Dilys! You were listening?�
�Naturally,� said the witch.
�The man has red hair and glasses. Everard, you will need to raise the alarm, make sure he is found by the right people--�
Both the wizard and the witch nodded and moved away, out of sight. The other portraits pretended to be asleep and Severus rolled his eyes at them. They were rather good at what they did, but Severus saw through them easily�Especially since they all kept peaking out from under their eyelids.
Albus went on to explain how important Everard and Dilys were and explained that they could move between portraits and could probably get them some information before offering them both a seat. Severus took a seat, sitting rigid in his chair, his mind buzzing as he hastily went over the facts in his head. He thought of the last Order of the Phoenix meeting and the last meeting with the Dark Lord. People are going to get hurt, he reminded himself. There was nothing anyone could do to stop it. Besides, he doubted Arthur could give the Dark Lord what he wanted. He could at least take comfort in knowing that there was no way the Dark Lord could have gathered anything useful from the man. Considering Potter had only recently had this vision, Severus was sure something could be done to save that ridiculous man.
He took even more comfort in coming up with more selfish reasons for his concern. Attacks on Order members only reminded him of how dangerous his job was, even more dangerous than anyone else�s. He, the double agent�Trying (and so far, succeeding) to fool the most powerful Dark Wizard of their time. He was putting his life at risk every time he went to go see that man�Those thoughts, while awful, gave him some amount of comfort.
Even after all of these years after switching sides, feeling anything for anyone else bothered him. Concern for his students, worry about Order members�Kinder feelings for most people left him feeling strange. That didn�t necessarily go for everyone�The Malfoys were old friends and especially considering Draco was his godson, he felt more at ease with them�His old friend, Septima Vector, and even Albus Dumbledore�Those relationships made sense to him. He was a Slytherin, though�A heartless bastard who had committed many sins in his lifetime, the biggest one yet being the reason the woman he loved was dead. He wasn�t supposed to feel anything and every time he caught himself behaving like a human being, he took careful measure to come up with some reason to acting or feeling as he did.
Severus hardly noticed Albus speaking to Fawkes or messing with things around his office, only being pulled back into the present when Dilys the portrait began speaking. �--St. Mungo�s, Dumbledore�They carried him under my portrait�He looks bad.�
Severus glanced at Potter for a moment, noticing how the boy was shifting constantly in his seat, looking slightly better, though highly impatient. He appeared most disturbed by the news, though some part of the boy seemed relieved that the man was at least alive at the moment.
His attention was pulled away as Albus addressed him. �Severus, I need you to get Minerva�Inform her of what�s taking place and make sure she wakes the Weasley children.�
�Of course,� Severus replied, nodding to the headmaster and standing. He was tempted to reach out and pat the boy on the head or the shoulder in comfort, but tightened his fingers into a fist and walked out of the door.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
�Harry--what�s going on? Professor McGonagall said you saw Dad hurt!� Ginny said, rushing in, looking frightened. Fred, George, Ron, and Professor McGonagall were all right behind her.
Harry glanced up at his friends, barely able to look at them more than a few seconds each. He had seen their dad hurt�He had been the one to do it, a voice in his head told him. That thought made Harry feel sick all over again. The images flashed through his mind, so vivid he almost feared it was happening all over again. Slithering along the floor, sensing Mr. Weasley, Mr. Weasley drawing his wand, rearing up and plunging his fangs into the flesh, a warm gush of blood, the sound and feel of bones breaking beneath his jaw�Harry shuddered, opening his mouth, though no words came out.
Dumbledore came to his rescue, quickly speaking before Harry could even have much of a chance. �Your father has been injured in the course of his work for the Order of the Phoenix. He has been taken to St. Mungo�s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. I am sending you to Sirius�s house, which is much more convenient for the hospital than the Burrow. You will meet your mother there.�
�How are we going?� Fred asked, looking shaken. �Floo powder?�
�No,� Dumbledore replied. �Floo powder is not safe at the moment. The Network is being watched. You will be taking a Portkey. We are just waiting on Phineas Nigellus to report back�I wish to be sure that the coast is clear before sending you--�
There was a flash of flame in the middle of the office that made Harry jump, his heart racing painfully. One single golden feather was left behind, floating gently to the floor.
�That is Fawkes�s warning,� said Dumbledore, catching the feather as it fell. �She must know you�re out of your beds�Minerva, go and head her off--tell her any story--�
Professor McGonagall was gone in a swish of her tartan.
�He says he�ll be delighted,� said a bored voice from behind Dumbledore. Phineas Nigellus was back in front of his Slytherin banner. �My great-great-grandson has always had an odd taste in houseguests��
�Come on then. Quickly, before anyone joins us,� Dumbledore said. Harry stood up shakily to join the others, but Dumbledore frowned and shook his head. �Harry, I wish for you to remain here for now.�
Harry wanted to protest, but found that he was too tired and upset to do so. His tongue felt twisted and his voice was lost and as badly as he wanted to argue, he couldn�t. He flopped back down into his seat, watching jealously and irritably as the Weasleys gathered around the Portkey. He wanted to go see Sirius. He wanted to be with his friends and hear if Mr. Weasley was okay. He tried not to glare as Ginny, Ron, Fred, and George touched the Portkey and were taken away.
Dumbledore turned to him immediately. �I apologize, my boy�Must make this quick. I know you wish to enjoy Christmas with Sirius and your friends, but I would feel far more comfortable if you would remain here during your break. It is much to ask, I am aware, but it is of vital importance that you practice Occlumency harder than ever.�
Harry tried not to let his eyes narrow at the headmaster. So he wasn�t going at all?! He was going to be stuck here during his break with Umbridge! And even more lessons! He wanted to comfort his friends and make sure Mr. Weasley survived. He wanted to spend Christmas happily with his friends and his beloved godfather�Not here. Not to mention the fact that Dumbledore wanted to stop the very thing that may very well have saved Mr. Weasley�s life!
�But, sir--!� Harry began.
�Not now, Harry. I am deeply sorry�You must return to your dormitory, however. Quickly�I shall write you an excuse, should you run into trouble,� Dumbledore explained, quickly jotting down a note and handing Harry the parchment. He didn�t even look at it.
�But, Professor. Why should--�
�It is important, Harry,� Dumbledore interrupted. �I won�t change my mind on the matter. I will inform Professor Snape shortly and you will arrive in his office the same time tomorrow night.�
Harry stood up, his arms trembling and his mouth hanging open, wanting to scream out in frustration. �Y�Yes, Professor,� Harry spat bitterly, turning around and marching out of the office, clenching his fist around the parchment in his hand. It was a lucky thing Harry didn�t run into Umbridge in the corridors on his way back to Gryffindor Tower. He had a feeling he might have hexed her. He did hear her voice, arguing angrily with McGonagall far off somewhere, though he couldn�t understand them. He had been half tempted to hunt them down, though he wasn�t sure what he would do�Certainly he wasn�t stupid enough to do anything in front of his Head of House. Gritting his teeth, he did as he was told, almost wishing for another dream to come as he laid down in bed, ignoring the questions of the other boys.
�McGonagall pulled Ron out of here. Do you know what happened?�
�I heard someone got hurt!�
�Harry?�
�Maybe he�s asleep.�
�He can�t be!�
�Harry?!�

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Neville, Seamus, Dean, Lavender, and Pavarti cornered him in the common room the next morning. He had been waiting awkwardly in the corner for Hermione to come out, hoping and praying no one would spot him. No such luck, apparently.
�Mate, did you hear what happened to the Weasleys?�
�What happened?� asked, trying his hardest to look and sound surprised.
Everyone seemed to buy it.
�Told you he was asleep,� Neville muttered to the other boys.
�McGongall apparently came in and got Ginny last night,� Lavender explained. �Jenny Ingram told me!�
�She got Ron, too! And Lee said he saw her get Fred and George, too. Didn�t say much,� Dean agreed.
�Oh God�I wonder what�Er, excuse me,� he said, walking away hastily when he spotted Hermione. No one seemed suspicious of him, though, and he was grateful for it. Of course he�d go after Hermione to see what she knew. He had a feeling certain people would be eavesdropping, so Harry quickly nodded to the door. �We need to talk,� he muttered and quickly led her out into the corridor. Everyone was awake and walking around, but none of them knew anything and wouldn�t be asking any questions.
In whispers, Harry quickly caught Hermione up on the events of last night. At first she seemed scandalized by the idea of him falling asleep in Snape�s quarters, but quickly turned into horror and concern when he recounted his dream and what happened in Dumbledore�s office. Harry could feel himself getting all worked up again towards the end, wanting to go right back to the headmaster�s office to beg him to let him go to Sirius�s for Christmas break and tell him he wouldn�t practice Occlumency anymore�He had always had a feeling his visions were useful, and last night only proved it! Mr. Weasley might have a chance to survive all because of what Harry saw and because he was able to warn someone!
��I just don�t get why he wants me to practice, is all. Think about it, Hermione--�
�I know where you�re going with this, Harry,� Hermione cut in, sounding exasperated. �You never thought these lessons were a good idea�but Dumbledore thinks so, Harry! And Dumbledore is smart�He knows what he�s talking about. If he thinks you need to know Occlumency, you need to know it!�
�Oh, so I should just risk letting a bunch of people die and risk not knowing important information just for�I don�t even know what it�s for!�
�They explained this already, Harry! It�s so you don�t risk letting Voldemort into your mind!� Hermione exclaimed.
Harry shook his head stubbornly. He would know if Voldemort was in his head�Besides, no one told Harry anything anyway. What important pieces of information could Voldemort get from him?! Harry, however, risked losing a lot by not being able to keep this connection�
�I don�t know what you�re so worried about, anyway. At least you get more time with Professor Snape.�
Harry glowered at her. �This isn�t about that or him or anything!� Harry snapped.
�It�s bad enough he lets you into his private rooms without you falling asleep there, Harry,� Hermione explained.
�I know, I know, I know,� Harry snapped. �Again, I repeat, this isn�t about him! Whatever feelings I may have for him don�t matter right now. What matters is is that my friends are upset and Mr. Weasley is hurt and I don�t get to spend Christmas with my friends and family�Instead I have to waste my holiday on lessons that are going to do more harm than good!�
�They are plenty of good, Harry!� Hermione replied.
�You know what? Go have a bloody good time with everyone,� Harry snapped. �Wish them all a very Merry Christmas without me!� he spat bitterly, spinning around and marching off, ignoring Hermione�s exclamations for him to come back and her comments on how rude and childish he was being. Harry didn�t care. She didn�t understand�No one understood! He needed to relieve his anger�He was much too angry�Part of him wondered if it was Voldemort making him so crazy, but he could usually tell when the feelings were coming from Voldemort. Sadly, this was all him�
Of fucking course, he would turn the corner and run right into Umbridge, the awful woman herself. �Potter!� Umbridge exclaimed, that sick little smile of hers in place, her eyes as cold as ever. �You really should be more careful.�
�Could say the same for you,� Harry said before he could stop himself.
�Tsk, tsk,� Umbridge said, eyes flickering down to his right hand. Harry balled it into a fist, thinking of the place on the back of his hand that once had scars. I must not tell lies, he could see clearly in his hand. �A detention, I think, Mr. Potter. You really should learn some manners.�
�Already have detention with Snape,� Harry said.
Umbridge�s smile tightened. �Surprise, surprise. You end up with detention with Snape an awful lot.�
The way she said it made Harry wonder if she suspected something. Somehow, it wasn�t the real lessons they were having Harry thought she suspected�Only those things Harry wished were happening.
�What can I say? I have a bad habit of pissing everyone off.�
�Language, Potter,� Umbridge said quietly. �Now�I must have a talk with Professor Snape about a time when you�ll be free.�
�You do that,� Harry said, storming past her and ignoring all the mutters and stares around him as he headed back to Gryffindor Tower.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Author�s Note: Another chapter up! I�m trying to keep some events true to OotP, so some things will seem very similar, if not exactly from the book. I hope everyone enjoyed it! Please review! I do so love them! Song title are lyrics from �Sleep to Dream� by Fiona Apple.
- 14
- 15
- 16
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Lost and Damned