Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Survivor's Guilt	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Lucius Views: 34080 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor do I make any money of this dark dance of Harry Potter fanfic.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Chapter 15

Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Thanks, Tenchi, you're the best!

For update notifications you can follow me on Twitter or FaceBook, links are on my profile for those, or sign up for my mailing list at SpeedyTomato_updates@live.com. Thanks to Rogue for running it for me! Review replies, if needed, are answered on my FaceBook account (yes, it's fixed so anyone can send an invite).

With a shaking hand, Arthur opened the front door to Grimmauld Place, keeping quiet like he always did. Though the painting that had caused all the issues in the past was long gone, the habit was so ingrained that he still did the same thing. Shutting the door softly behind him, he jumped when Kreacher appeared. With a sigh and shake of his head, he told himself, mentally, to calm down. Smiling at the house elf, he said, “I came to see Harry. Where is he? Is he around or sleeping?”

Looking at the Weasley patriarch, Kreacher contemplated what was said. Right now, he was very protective of his master and didn't want anyone around that would upset him. Though Master Harry slept most of the time, with Mr. Lucius or Mr. Dudley around him except at night, he was still worried about him. What Master Harry tried really upset him and he didn't know what to do to make it better. Even now, though Master Harry was seeing a mind healer, he wasn't the same. He slept all the time and, when he wasn't, he wasn't himself, listless, groggy and out of it. That frightened him so he was doing the only thing he knew how to protect his master.

After a moment or two of silence, he said, “Master Harry is in the sitting room with Mr. Lucius, eating something. Kreacher will take you there if you promise not to upset him. Master Harry doesn't need to be upset right now.”

“I'm not here to upset him,” Arthur told the elf with a shake of his head. “I just want to see him. Molly sent over some snacks for him and a quilt.” Knowing what house elves were like, he expected this. The poor thing was probably all but hovering over Harry at all times. That was understandable. After all, they were extremely attached to their masters. With all Harry had done for the elf? Kreacher would be even worse.

Nodding, Kreacher said, still eyeing the red-head warily, “Follow Kreacher.” He then began to lead the Weasley patriarch in the direction where his master was.

Following, rubbing his eyes, Arthur was apprehensive. He didn't know what to say to Harry. Molly, of course, wanted to come as well. In fact, she was adamant that she be allowed to. However, right now, even mentioning Harry's name caused her to break down in tears. No, he didn't think that would be something wise to expose Harry to. Nor did he think seeing Harry would help the situation. If what Hermione and Ron said about the way Harry was right now was accurate, something he was sure it was, Molly wouldn't handle it well. He would, of course, bring her in a few days, but she needed to be under control before he could allow that. After all, it wouldn't do to make a bad situation worse than what it was.

Getting to the door of the sitting room, Kreacher shot the Weasley patriarch a look then stepped in. Looking at Master Harry, he said, “Mr. Weasley is here and wants to see you, Master Harry.”

Scrubbing a hand over his eyes, feeling groggy as hell and disconnected, Harry assumed it was Ron again. After all, his old friend was now turning up every day so he said, voice slightly slurry, “That's fine, you can let him in.”

Nodding, Kreacher then looked at Arthur and said, “Master Harry will see you.” Stopping, he then added, softly, “Don't upset Master Harry!” After that, he popped away.

Stepping in, the first thing Arthur locked eyes on was Harry. That was enough to make him want to cringe and, honestly, shed a few tears himself. The young man he had known for so long, one he considered one of his own children, looked like hell. He was so thin, so out of it, that he almost didn't look like the same being anymore. Over the years, he had been used to how thin Harry would be when he came to them after being with his family. This, though, was worse than that. He had been healthy for so long, a good weight for his height. Now, well, he was sure under his clothes Harry was almost skeletal. It was sickening! And he was kicking himself over it. One of them should have come to see the young man. They should have then they would have seen there was a problem and could have done something, though he didn't know what.

Looking at Lucius, who was sitting there and had glanced his way then had gone back to reading a paper of some kind, he still wasn't sure about his presence. Hermione was dead set on the fact that the elder Malfoy was fine to be here, but like Ron, because of past experience, he had reservations. He wasn't going to voice them though. Instead, he smiled and gave a hearty, “Hello, Harry!” Before walking over and seating himself by the young man on the sofa. Passing off the tin of goodies and the box the quilt was in, he said, “Molly sent those along for you. She knows fudge is your favorite so she made some. The quilt she's been working on for a while.”

Taking them, Harry nodded then set them aside. “Thanks, Arthur. Tell Molly I said thanks as well,” he said, rubbing his eyes. Really, he was sure he was going to fall asleep again shortly. He had to eat though. There was a potion he had to take in a little while and he had to have food in his stomach to do it or he was going to get sick.

Eyes lowered, Arthur didn't know what to say. Over his years, he had dealt with many situations with his sons on many issues. Including deaths. This though-- he didn't know how to talk to Harry. There was so much he wanted to convey, including to apologize for not coming around more, making excuses, but he didn't know what might be right or wrong with that then make it worse. So, he was going to try for generalities. Clearing his throat, he said, “Molly is going to pop over in a couple days to see you. You know her, she's got to check up on you like she does the others. Fussing over you has to happen.”

“Alright,” Harry nodded, taking a bite of his sandwich. “Whenever she wants to. I'm not going anywhere. I'll just probably be asleep. The potions--” he trailed off, shrugging.

“Understood,” Arthur told him gently. With that, he was going to ensure he warned Molly about the shape Harry was in. His wife wasn't going to handle this well, at all. Settling back, he began to talk to the younger man about some general things, including his current obsession with the telly set and how they worked.

About an hour later, Harry had fallen asleep. He had taken his potion then just went out a couple minutes later while Arthur was talking to him. Somewhat troubled by that, Arthur looked at Lucius. Though he had real issues with the man, something that carried over from long ago and was reluctant to engage from that direction, he asked, quietly, “Is this normal?”

Having been paying attention, though making it look like he wasn't, Lucius lowered the paper, “It's normal. The potions are powerful and he goes to sleep quickly after taking them. He'll be out for hours now. Dr. Netherwood said this will go on for a week or so until he adjusts to them.”

Looking down at the floor, Arthur nodded then sighed, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. Bloody hell, he didn't know how to handle this. He could take a lot, no doubt there, but the Harry he had just spoken to wasn't the person he had known for so long. In fact, he was sure this couldn't be the same being, other than he knew it was. There was nothing of Harry's personality there at all, just a lifeless, emotionless husk that looked like Harry, nothing more. Feeling his eyes burn, he didn't know what to do. Now he understood why Hermione was so upset after coming back from a visit.

Looking at the Weasley patriarch, having seen this from the others that had visited so far, Lucius said, keeping his tone level, but soft, “Don't let it bother you. What you're seeing is from the potions, nothing more. The doctor said that when he adjusts to them, he will return to something more normal.” Glancing at the sleeping young man, he sighed then added, “This is far better than what it was.”

Glancing at Lucius then to Harry, Arthur shook his head. Opening his mouth, he wanted to say something, but wasn't sure what it would be and nothing came out. Shutting his mouth, he closed his eyes then sighed. Opening them again after a minute, he looked at Lucius then asked the one question that kept cropping up from his end, “Why didn't one of you come to us and say something? You, well, I do understand that. Why didn't Dudley? We would have done what we could to help.”

“I'm not certain when it comes to Dudley's reasoning. I believe he mentioned something about it as to why,” Lucius started, though not wanting to mention Ron and the way he was about handling some issues. “It was his thought that since the two of us were around him more often, we would be the ones to try. After all, I have nothing but free time. Dudley saw Harry every day when they met up after work. There wasn't much that could be done, Arthur. We did what we could, going so far as to look into an involuntary placement somewhere to get him some help, but there was nothing.”

That's where Arthur felt like he had been slapped and the guilt over not visiting or seeing Harry came back into play. It had been so long since they had that none of them were aware there was a problem, let alone having seen it play out. Lucius was right in that if they saw him every day, they knew what was taking place. Nor, honestly, if Dudley had come to them and said Harry was suicidal, would most of them believed it! Harry just didn't seem to be the type to even consider that, not with all he had gone through. No, they wouldn't have believed it.

Taking his glasses off and starting to polish them, he asked, quietly, “Wasn't there any way to get him help before it came to this? I don't know the laws in that area well and can't think of anything that applies.”

“There was nothing,” Lucius said with a shake of his head and a sad sigh. “We looked into both Wizarding and Muggle. The Wizarding world has no laws that would allow anyone to step in. None. The Muggle one does, but because he never mentioned the word suicide, just exhibited signs that were leaning there, nothing could be done. With him residing in our world, with only occasional ventures in the Muggle one, they wouldn't have been of an assist anyway. I even went to Dr. Netherwood to get help. His hands were tied by the lack of laws.”

Putting his glasses back on, Arthur rubbed his forehead, eyes still shut. He was feeling sick and angry. No, he wasn’t mad at Harry, not that, more at himself, his family and their world in general. He knew how suicide was perceived, something that was a weakness and getting rid of the ones that wouldn't contribute, but he didn't see it that way. Every time he heard about another death like this, he felt ill. The list from those that were in the Final Battle that exited the world this way was bad enough. The other Creevey brother—gone because of the way his brother died, something he blamed himself for. One of the Patil twins because of all she had seen and friends she lost, like the death of Lavender Brown at the hands of Greyback. Cho Chang had followed Cedric into death, unable to live without him or what she had seen in the battle. Aurora Sinistra had leapt to her death from the Astronomy tower after seeing the aftermath of the battle, unable to handle it. The list was a long one and horrific. And, even worse, each year as the anniversary approached, at least one more name was added, usually more. He didn't even want to contemplate the pain these poor people had suffered before taking that step. If it kept up, they were going to lose a large part of the generation that helped to set them free from the nightmare that had haunted them for so long.

Looking at Lucius, he felt his stomach churn. Narcissa was one of those as well. At the time, well, there was a part of him that called just desserts because of all that had happened. Now, with some time and perspective, he saw her as another victim of a horrific time that just kept racking up a body count. No, this wasn't good. “Something needs to be done to stop this,” he said thickly, glancing back at Harry. “Laws need to be changed, people need to understand what it is and our world needs to adapt.”

“I agree,” Lucius nodded, with a quick look at Harry. “However, Dr. Netherwood told me that every time they try to get a bill through the Wizengamot to do so, it gets voted down by a large margin. The old ways on the topic still flourish. Our world is far behind the Muggle one in this area. Nor do I know a way to push something like that through.”

Saying nothing, Arthur just looked at Harry, wondering where to even start to try to get that kind of bill through. Nor, really, could he announce why he wanted to take on such a cause. Bringing Harry's name into the mess right now probably wouldn't assist the younger man at all. He would talk to Molly when he got home and see what she thought then go from there. Sighing, he shook his head then told Lucius, changing topics to something more neutral, “Andromeda will be coming in a day or so. I know the relationship isn't the best with you when it comes to her, but she wants to check on him. Teddy, from what I understand, wants to see Harry as they are close. She doesn't think that it's best right now, but doesn't know how to explain to him why. She, though, wants to check on him.”

“All she has to do is tell him the truth; that Harry is sick. Nothing more than that. This is an illness. She doesn't have to tell him what the illness is,” Lucius schooled, looking at the man. “I will, however, be able to deal with her. There is much water under the bridge there, this I know, but nothing untoward will be said on my part.”

“I'll talk to her,” Arthur told him. Along with that, he filed away what Lucius said about this being an illness. None of them had thought about that, but it was the whole truth. It was also something they could use. Looking at Harry again, he sighed, “I think I'm going to go. If he's going to sleep, there is no reason for me to stay. Just tell him--” trailing off, he wasn't sure what to say. After a moment, he added, “Tell him Molly and I'll be here in a day or so.”

“I will,” Lucius said, looking at his old nemesis.

Giving Harry's knee a pat, Arthur stood. Looking at Lucius, he said, quietly, “I want to thank you for helping him. With all that's happened--” Trailing off, he said nothing else, hoping Lucius understood what he was going for.

“There is nothing to thank me for,” Lucius told him firmly, looking at Arthur. “I consider Harry a friend now. The past is the past and will stay there. What matters is now. And now, he's a friend I’m helping. That's all there is to it.”

Understanding that, Arthur nodded. Not saying anything else, just giving another nod, he then walked out to go home. Really, what he needed right now was to talk to Molly. Hopefully, no one else would be home so he could do so alone.

Relaxing after Arthur left, Lucius stood. Picking up the tin of sweets, he sat it on the small table that Harry had used to eat from then, gently, moved the younger man around until he was lying down and he thought Harry would be comfortable. Covering him up with the quilt he had been using, he then called for the elf. When Kreacher appeared, he handed him the new quilt that was brought and the sweets. “I assume you know where Harry wants those.”

Nodding, Kreacher waited to see if there was anything else.

Sitting down on the end of the sofa by Harry's feet, putting one hand on the younger man's ankle, Lucius looked at the elf. Having been around them so long, he knew what they were like. He also knew Harry probably didn't know much about elves or how to go about some things. Knowing Kreacher was old, he knew the time was coming for him to pass, probably soon from what he could figure out about his age. With that, he knew what elves were like with such things and the stress they felt when it came to ensuring those they cared for would continue to be taken care of after their death. It didn't aid them in any way to have that stress and push on just because they wanted to ensure those they served were taken care of. As gently as he could, he asked, “Has Harry helped you find a young one to continue on with?”

Looking at Lucius, Kreacher shook his head, “Master Harry is a good master, but he doesn't know about such traditions. Kreacher will continue to serve him to the best of his ability until Kreacher can't anymore.”

“I assumed,” Lucius told him gently with a nod. “Because Harry doesn't know about such traditions, would you allow me to help you find a young one to train? The Malfoy's have plenty that you could choose from. They would be most suitable for the House of Black. I assume that it's probably time that you find one to start training to take over, is it not?”

Looking at Mr. Malfoy, Kreacher thought that over then gave a solemn nod. “It is time for Kreacher to train a young one to continue to serve. A Malfoy elf will be suited to serve Master Harry.”

“When I go to my flat this week to attend to business, I will have some of our elves brought for you to pick one. Then you can start training them. I'll ensure that Harry knows what I'm doing. This way you can relax on the topic and not worry that he will be taken care of,” Lucius imparted, keeping a soft tone.

Looking relieved, Kreacher replied, “Kreacher will pick one and start training.”

“Very good,” Lucius imparted, relieved that it had been taken well. Some elves had hysterics and problems when confronted with choosing their replacement, though it was their own tradition that forced them to do so, something they were driven to find. Thankfully, Kreacher wasn't one of them. “I'm going to take a quick shower. If Harry awakens, let him know I'll return shortly.” Seeing the elf nod, he stood and went to find the shower.

Sitting alone in his kitchen with Molly, Arthur had finally finished telling her about what he saw and learned. As expected, there had been some tears on his part and more on hers. The whole situation was one that neither knew how to handle, really. Of all the things they had dealt with over the years, this wasn't one they had to face, other than the aftermath of friends of their children. Now they were at a loss.

After a couple minutes to gather himself and take a sip of his tea, he said, softly, “The laws need to change. This-- they should have been able to go somewhere to find some help before Harry got to this point. There just isn't anything, Molly. That's not right. We know this isn't about being weak. Harry isn't weak. As Lucius said, he's sick. This is an illness. And it should be treated that way, not like they are defective! There have been so many since the second war and more keep being added. It has to stop!”

Sniffling, dabbing her eyes with her apron, Molly nodded, “I know. It's not right. We've been saying that for years. What can we do about it, though? I mean, I don't know what to do! No one talks about this other than to sneer when someone takes that step. There is no one other than just a few and the mind healers that even talk about it and try to change the way people think. No one wants to hear it!”

“They need to,” Arthur said firmly. “It's time they do too! This anniversary-- they need to hear this, Molly! So many are gone, we've lost so many who couldn't take the pain of what happened. We can't lose anymore!”

Looking down at the table, Molly nodded. “I know. I do. How though? I mean, I don't think people realize how many have done this! If they did, maybe they would listen.”

“Then we force them to,” Arthur said firmly, looking at her. “We find or make a list of how many have and shove it at them.” With that, an idea began to form. “Let me talk to some people to see what I can find on documentation then we go from there. It's time we make them listen, Molly! If we don't, we're going to lose more. With what's coming this year, we need to do something and it's perfect timing.”

Looking at her husband, Molly started to nod slowly. This was a good idea. Every time she heard about a new suicide, she felt sick. It was worse knowing that there was no way to step in or do anything before someone took that step. Then, when she heard about Harry, she felt horrible, thinking that something should have been able to be done, but learned there was nothing. And if there was anyone in their world no one would call weak, it was Harry. That was proof that this wasn't something that came from weakness. No, something had to be done. “What do you have in mind, Arthur? What can you do? I mean, we don't want to involve Harry or his name. That wouldn't end well. He has enough to deal with right now.”

“We won't involve him,” Arthur said firmly. “No, he doesn't need that. We'll go about it another way. Let me do some digging to see what records or statistics I can find on suicides then I'm going to see who I can get together from the Order. From there, between all of us, we can put our heads together and see what we can come up with. There are still enough of us around with some clout that we can do something or get a bill introduced then influence some backing. Plenty of families have been touched by this, so I'm sure we can find some to talk about a situation similar to Harry's. I know the Patils tried everything they could think of to get Parvati help before she took that step. Those kinds make powerful witnesses. We get the bill going, get the publicity and push like hell. It won't be easy, that we know, but it needs to be done.”

Nodding vigorously, Molly said, “This—it's good! I like it. It'll take some work, but it can be done!”

Plan in place, well the basics of one, Arthur was galvanized then began to go over with his wife what he thought they should do. If nothing else, some good might come out of a really rotten situation.

Please review!
- 14
- 15
- 16
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Survivor's Guilt