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Let Love In	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3124 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Chapter Fifteen: Silence

"We're getting married." James declared one day.

Sirius looked up at him from the Paper and raised an elegant eyebrow. Lily smiled, her hand gripping James's tightly, they both looked delighted and Sirius smiled. "Well, congratulations...but don't you think it's all a bit...well...fast?"

James's smile slipped slightly. "We can't wait." He said gravely. "We could both be dead tomorrow and I don't want to lose this chance...Padfoot..." He leaned forward, eagerly. "Would you do me the honour of becoming my best man?"

Sirius dropped the paper, his eyes widening before a wonderful, happy grin split his face. He was up, dragging James into an embrace, kissing his forehead. "I'd love to!" He said before leaning down and planting a soft kiss on Lily's cheek. "I'm flattered...really." He pulled away.

The wedding was small but beautiful. Remus and Peter both sat in the front row and watched as Sirius handed James the rings, Lily seemed unable to stop smiling as the small gathering broke into applause as the couple kissed. It was like a ray of sunshine had broken through the clouds of misery that surrounded them, illuminating the entire scene and giving it an odd, fairy tale-like quality.

Sirius clung desperately to that short, blissful moment as he watched his best friend dance with his new wife. Lily looked gorgeous in her ivory dress and James spun her around so it flared around her feet. The world was wonderful, if only for a few hours and Sirius made sure to seal it into his memory forever...

Remus smiled, standing quietly in a corner as he watched Sirius dance with the bride and James laughing with Peter. He sipped his drink soaking up the atmosphere and letting it ease his aching heart. "This is a wonderful occasion, Remus." He turned to see Dumbledore smiling at him.

"It is, Its like a dream." Remus whispered as Sirius lifted Lily up by the hips and spun her around, his laughter slicing through the general murmur of party goers.

"Love is the most powerful force in this world, it is a magic we will never understand."

Remus glanced at the Headmaster, he wasn't exactly sure what he was getting at. "Sir?" he asked.

Dumbledore smiled mysteriously. "Dear boy, love can heal almost any wound, no matter how deep or dark..." With that he walked away to speak to Lily's parents.

Remus watched Sirius as the dance ended, he kissed Lily on the cheek and strode towards him. The smile was so nostalgic and wonderful that Remus returned it. "Hey..." Sirius gasped as he took Remus's drink from his hands and finished it. "Nice night for it." He said, his eyes sparkling like they hadn't done in a long time.

"Mm." Remus agreed with a nod. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I..." Remus faltered and shook his head. "You know what? Let's dance." He grabbed Sirius's hand and pulled him onto the dance floor.

"Woah...what are you...? Hey, Moony...this is going to make people talk..." Sirius said.

Remus turned him and looked into his eyes. "Let them talk." He said softly. "I want this...just...let me pretend for a...while..."

Sirius's face went serious before he nodded, his smile resurfacing. "Who's leading?"

Remus laughed. "I can't dance!"

"What? Well, I guess I'll have to show you..." He took Remus's hand in one of his own and slipped the other around his back. He led him through the steps smoothly, Remus was always shocked when Sirius showed this side of his upbringing; Dance lessons, etiquette tutoring, calligraphy, and proper social conduct. Sirius must have hated it all, but he did it all flawlessly. As Sirius led him around the floor in a slow waltz he leaned in, whispering softly in his ear... "Tes yeux sont commele caramel,j'aimela façon dont vousme vontsi bien." He spoke in a flawless French accent, his smile soft and gentle as he turned Remus on the spot and the Werewolf couldn't help but laugh. Sirius knew several languages, but French was one his parents insisted he learn perfectly.

"I have no idea what you just said!" Remus replied as the dance came to a finish. Sirius bowed, hair falling in front of his eyes as he looked up at his friend.

"Doesn't matter." He said, chuckling. "I'm thirsty, you want a drink?" Remus nodded and watched Sirius walk over to the bar, he could still feel Sirius's hot breath on his ear, he could hear the low rumble of that voice and he shivered.

Peter sat in a corner. Alone...again. He had been happy about his invitation to the Potters' wedding but as he watched James talking to Lily's Muggle parents he felt a flash of jealousy that was so intense he almost felt it burn his heart. James was tall, thin and so charming he could almost wheedle his way out of any sticky situation. Peter had to look away as Lily leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, he didn't want to watch his friends gain happiness when he was little more than a shadow. His eyes moved to see Sirius talking to an older woman who was laughing and smiling, two drinks were in his hands and as Peter listened he could hear him jabbering away in French.

"...alors bien sûr,je lui ai envoyéemballage.Ellen'était pas aussibon que jepensais qu'elle était, me donnantcesyeux de bichetoute la nuit..."

Peter had heard him speak it before, when he was angry he would sometimes start screaming wildly in the language as if he had spoken it at home. Sirius's dress robes were black, silver lined the bell sleeves and he looked, more than ever, the perfect ideal of Voldemort's 'Pureblood is power' philosophy. He was the epitome of the Black name, suave, charming, dangerous and very, very handsome. Peter felt a moody frown on his face as he squirmed in his seat. He knew that Sirius was living with Remus, which meant they were probably shagging every night in various ways and the thought made him sick. He hated Sirius, he hated him for what he was, for the way everything came to him so easily, for the way he could have whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted and he didn't take advantage of these traits. He was generous, funny, usually the life and soul of the party but most of all he was loyal...loyal to the point where he would probably destroy himself for his friends. Peter glared as Sirius tipped the lady an easy wink before gliding across the room and handing Remus his drink, he leaned down, whispering something into his ear that made Remus's eyes flash amber and a small smile light his face. He said something back and shoved Sirius playfully in the shoulder. Everything came so easy to all of them, Peter was left to sit in dark corners, always outshined, always shoved to the sidelines because Sirius and James' light would never reach that far.

Sirius lay on the grass, his robes spread around him as he gazed up at the stars, James lay at his side, fingers twined with Lily's. Remus lay on Sirius's other side smiling drunkenly up at the sky, Peter lay with them, his smile conspicuous only because of its absence.

"I want this to last forever." James breathed softly, breaking the comfortable silence. The guests had left and they lay in James's back garden, and it was as if there was no war, it was as if there was no darkness waiting for them when they stepped beyond the borders.

"It's like a dream..." Sirius agreed. "I'm happy for you."

James grinned, feeling Lily's fingers tighten on his own. "Thanks, mate."

Peter pushed away his jealousy and tried to get in on the conversation. "Look...I can see Orion!" He said, pointing at the stars.

Sirius tipped his head back, looking to where Peter was pointing, he snorted derisively. "No, you prat! Look..." He lifted his own arm, his sleeve slipping down it. He traced a straight line in the sky. "If you want to find Orion, look for the straight line...Orion's belt..." he shivered slightly, even though the weather wasn't all that cold, the constellation reminded him of his father's belt and the pain that came with it. "It's a person...see? He's holding a bow...if you go left of Orion and down a bit, you get Canis Major...his faithful hunting companion." His smile was lopsided.

Lily seemed entranced, lifted her arm and pointed as well. "So, what's that one...just above Canis Major?" She asked, having not studied Astronomy.

Sirius squinted slightly. "Monoceros." He said.

"You always manage to impress me, Padfoot, old man." James said with a grin.

Sirius shrugged. "Half my family are named after stars and constellations...it's not all that surprising I know them." He gazed up at his own star, the one he secretly liked and smiled, it had always been there for him, accepting his half muttered prayers and desperate wishes for freedom...it had listened to his dreams, his fears and his nightmares...all the while flickering violently like a broken wand. It seemed to absorb his anger, taking it in and making it its own...it was his star, his companion.

A few weeks after the wedding Sirius sat by the window, gazing out at London as it stretched around him. Then he spotted it, a tiny black dot that grew rapidly as it drew closer...

He realised it was an owl and threw the window open, it flew inside and landed gracefully on the coffee table. Sirius gazed at it, shock holding him in place. The owl looked at him down its beak as if it was glaring at him. It ruffled its feathers indignantly before taking off, hitting him over the head with a wing. Sirius gazed at the parchment letter it had dropped...he looked at it but was unable to touch it. He could clearly see the wax seal, that black wax seal with that horribly familiar crest on it. It took a second for him to realise that he wasn't breathing, his breath rushed from him in a huff and he reached, picking up the expensive quality parchment. He could see his name, written in delicate cursive, he knew...somehow he knew that whatever the letter contained it couldn't be good. But his hands had taken on a life of their own and he tore it open, pulling free the letter. It was short and to the point.

Sirius,

Your brother is dead. No body was retrieved, but we will be holding a funeral all the same.

Walburga.

Sirius felt all his breath leave him. His eyes widened and it was as if he'd gone blind. The parchment fell from numb fingers and he stared blankly at the wall.

Remus hummed as he stepped out of the bathroom, rubbing his hair with a towel. He stepped lightly into the living room only to jump suddenly as a vase smashed with a violent crack against the wall. He looked up to see Sirius standing still, his head down and his breathing heavy. The air crackled. It was thick, like syrup and so familiar Remus almost stepped back...but he couldn't. He walked forward warily and Sirius's eyes met his. They were dark, so dark they looked like clouds. With a bang like a gun the window cracked and Sirius fell to his knees, gripping his hair tightly. Remus ran to his side. "Sirius? What's wrong?" He realised he was kneeling on a piece of paper. He lifted it and read it slowly. "Oh...Sirius...I-I'm sorry..."

"My fault." He whispered hoarsely, seeming to shrink with the weight of his grief. "It's all my fault! Remus...I killed him! I killed him!"

"No! You didn't! We don't know what happened! You can't just..."

Sirius looked at him, eyes glazed as a nearby ashtray took flight around the room and shattered into crystallised fragments. "He saw me!" He hissed furiously. "He thought I was a Grim!"

Remus stared at him. "That's ridiculous, Sirius! If that was true, James and I would both have died a long time ago!"

Sirius pushed him away suddenly and shot to his feet. "I-I'm going...I'm going to the funeral!" He said desperately. "I-I'll beg forgiveness...I-I'll...Fuck! Regulus!" His voice cracked and he pulled on his hair, eyes squeezed shut. "I should have stayed!" he screamed suddenly, the window shattering completely allowing the wind to grab the curtains and suck them outside. "I should have stayed and protected him!"

Remus could do nothing. He sat on his knees, watching his friend crumble and felt himself go cold.

Sirius disappeared. For days, his friends were unable to find him, and he was glad they couldn't because he knew they would think him stupid for doing what he was doing. He lurked in the trees outside his old house, he watched the door, filling himself with memories of pain, humiliation and utter despair. And yet, he could still see Regulus's face...smiling...

One day he saw his mother step out of the house, flowers in her hand as she began walking down the street. Sirius followed, knowing where she was going.

They were in a graveyard, it was old. The stones cracked and worn with age as Sirius walked through it, the gnarled rowan trees were laden with red fruit and they whispered to him as he stopped a little way from a large, ornate tomb. Walbuga Black stood before it, eyes on the inscription and the flowers in her fingers trembled. She felt someone watching and turned.

Sirius could see how much his mother had aged, her face was lined but still regal and her eyes still piercing daggers as her face crumpled into furious, grief driven hatred as she spotted her eldest son. "YOU!" She screamed furiously, pointing at him with a long finger. Sirius stood perfectly still as she flew at him, hammering her fists on his chest, she slapped him across the face, her nails tearing the skin. "YOU KILLED HIM! You murdered him! My little Regulus...My baby boy! Give him back to me...you traitorous filth! Give him BACK!"

Sirius fell backwards into the tree, grabbing his mother's wrists in his hands automatically. She struggled violently. He realised how small she was, she looked as if he could snap her in half. "I'm sorry..." He gasped suddenly, falling to his knees. "I'm so sorry!" he covered his bleeding face in his hands.

"You should be! Why didn't you die? Why couldn't you have died in his place? Oh! My poor, sweet little Regulus! He was so good...such a good boy!" She had tears flowing down her cheeks as her eyes gazed down at her only living son. "Regulus was worth ten times as much as you! You disgust me! I cannot even bare to look at you! To think that you came from me! I am ashamed! I wish you would die!" She screamed desperately, a little spittle flying as she spoke.

Sirius's hands slipped from his face and he looked up at the woman who had raised him, the woman who had bullied, beaten and nearly killed him...and he felt nothing. If she was to die, he was pretty sure he wouldn't care at all. But her words stung. They were more powerful than any curse or knife...he shuddered. "I wish..." he began slowly. "I wish it had been me."

Sirius stayed where he was as his mother walked away, she paused. "I hope that you will regret it for the rest of your life, you are no son of mine." And with those parting words she left him.

After a moment Sirius climbed to his feet, stumbling over to the tomb and looking up at the inscription on the ancient stone. "Nobilissimumtemplumantiquum Black." He muttered and hung his head, fingers resting on the heavy door. "It should have been me, Reg...I should have died in your place..." He closed his eyes and sighed heavily before lifting his wand and giving it a wave, a bunch of white carnations appeared and he lay them by the door before walking away.

Remus sat, curled up on the sofa, gazing out the window and waiting. All he ever seemed to do lately was wait for him, he knew he would probably return in an awful state...he knew that Sirius would come back to him wounded, bloody and probably off his face on something. But he couldn't stop himself from staying up all night, blanket wrapped around his shoulders and waiting...waiting as the dawn caressed the horizon and the stars faded...waiting for the man he loved to return to him broken and beaten...defeated.

James stood before the door, he lifted his hand and knocked, it was flung open and he saw himself staring at Remus who had a blanket trailing from him and a half hopeful, half terror stricken expression on his prematurely lined face. When he saw that it was James he sighed heavily, hanging his head. "Sorry, I thought you were..."

James shook his head and followed his friend into the flat. "I guess that means he's not back yet?" He said as he sat on the sofa. Remus sat at his side, head hanging low and his feet tucked beneath him.

"No." He whispered. "It's been...a week and I..." he shook his head. "I can't stand it."

James pulled Remus to his side and embraced him. "He'll come back to us, Moony...he always does. He's Padfoot...he always finds his way back home." He felt Remus holding his shirt tightly but they said no more and sat in silence, waiting.

That night Remus woke to hear the door opening, his eyes flew open and he went for his wand, grabbing it and slipping out of bed, he could hear James stirring from where he was sleeping at his side. "Wha' issit?" He murmured. Remus shushed him with a finger to his lips and James picked up his own wand from the bedside table. Together, in nothing but their pyjama's they crept into the hall and into the reception room.

There was a dark figure sitting on the rug, head resting on his knees and Remus let out a rush of breath he hadn't known he was holding, he ran to Sirius's side, throwing himself to his knees and dragging his head up to look into dark silver eyes. "Sirius?" He muttered.

Sirius was shaking as he shook his head. "He's gone..." he murmured and Remus threw his arms around him, breathing in the clear scent of the outdoors, blood and cigarettes. James joined them, wrapping his arms around both of them as they sat there.

"Don't...don't ever do that again." Remus gasped into Sirius's hair. "Please...Please...stop this."

Sirius said nothing, he closed his eyes tightly. James pulled away after a moment, his hair sticking up all over the place as he moved over to the dead fireplace and pointed his wand at it, flames exploded in the hearth and he returned to his friends. They curled up with each other, arms wrapping around bodies and their breathing slightly shaky as they stared into the flames, none of them spoke...there was no need to...the silence said everything.

War, like an impossible dark shadow, crept into the world. Its talons were poison, it's breath the very fog of death and destruction...everyday news came of someone's death. They fought. James, Lily, Sirius, Remus and Peter...all standing side by side, wands pointing at the shadows as they tried to hold off the darkness. When they returned to their homes, bloodied, broken and world weary there was only silence to greet them.

One day Albus announced that the Order would be holding a small get together to mourn their losses and to try and reaffirm bonds. The Marauders agreed to attend, they needed a break. It was held in an old manor house somewhere in Derby, the hall was grand and Sirius felt his mood lighten slightly as he heard laughter. It was winter and the snow swirled outside the windows, the impressive grounds were white and perfect and Sirius had the urge to go outside and ruin that perfection. Remus sat by the warm fire, talking softly to Mad-eye while Lily and James spoke to Albus softly. Peter stood in a corner looking awkward, his watery blue eyes darting around almost nervously. Sirius shoved a hand deep into his pocket, looking out at that all too tempting snow, he felt eyes on him and turned to see James smiling he returned it, unable to help himself. James moved away from Lily striding towards him, he took his arm and they pulled open the door, stepping out into the freezing air. "Snow ball fight!" James declared loudly enough for everyone to hear. Sirius laughed and ran out into the snow after his friend.

Lily watched with a smile as her husband balled up snow, throwing them at Sirius who dodged, hair flying and his laughter echoing through the night. "It would probably be wise to go and join them don't you think?" Albus said with a warm smile.

Remus turned and saw Lily running across the hall and out into the snow, he smiled and stood, grabbing Peter and pulling him with him. They joined the snowball fight, their laughter lifting to the sky. Sirius waved his wand, firing several, rather large balls at James who flicked his own, turning them around. Remus grabbed handfuls of snow, compacting it before throwing it at Lily who retaliated with vengeance.

Dumbledore watched them play, a smile on his face as he sipped a drink. Alastor stumped over to him with a wince, taking a swig from a hip flask. "They're still kids, Albus." He growled roughly. "This doesn't feel right."

"They are, Alastor...but we need them." Albus replied softly, his voice grave as Sirius's bark-like laugh filled the chilly night as he tackled James to the floor, rubbing snow into his face. Remus laughed, the sound bright and carefree...they could have been at Hogwarts again, indulging in those summer filled days, surrounded by light and happiness.

Slowly other Order members joined in, and the laughter grew. The moon, waning slowly, was high above them making everything glitter with a magical silver sheen. Sirius stood still, his hair soaking wet as he looked up at it, an arm slipped around his shoulders and he smiled at James. A smaller form pressed into his side and Lily rested her cold cheek on his shoulder as they were joined by Remus. The four of them gazed up at the sky, chests heaving slightly as they recovered from their activities.

"Only time will tell if we will have victory in this war." Dumbledore said, watching the teenagers hold each other and stare up at the sky. "We must have hope..."

"I don't see hope in their futures." Alastor growled. "It's dark, dirty business they're involved in and it'll destroy 'em...you've taken away their childhoods." He said it casually as he grunted, shifting his wooden leg into a more comfortable position. "The Dark Lord aint gunna lie down, they don't yet understand the terror of what they've got themselves into..."

Albus sighed, a puff of white from his lips. "I understand, Alastor...but I could not imagine winning this war without their help, we need people willing to lay down their lives." He watched Remus's hand slip into Sirius's and the smile that crossed their faces as their eyes met.

Candles glittered as they hovered near the ceiling. Sirius and Lily danced to music played from a Phonograph in a corner, it was a stiff, formal dance. Lily laughed as Sirius bowed low before lifting her hand and moving to face the other end of the hall. "This is like something out of Pride and Prejudice!" She said gleefully.

"I don't know what that is, but I'll take it as a compliment." He smiled, a flash of very white teeth as they turned, weaving around each other, only ever touching hands.

They moved through the hall, people watching and laughing as Lily almost fell. James couldn't take his eyes off of her, he stood there, biting his lower lip as he watched her move, less graceful and secure than Sirius but more lovely for it, or so he thought.

The pair turned in a slow circle, their hands touching. "You're very graceful, you know." Sirius said with a smile.

"Why, if I didn't know any better, Mr. Black, I would say you were flirting with me!" Lily said as he took her hand again, moving in smooth, calculated steps.

"If your husband wasn't my best mate, then trust me, I would be." Sirius winked and the dance came to an end. He bowed low and rose, kissing her hand before leading her back to her husband. "James, I do believe this is yours." He put their hands together and grinned.

"Good, now she can tell me how pathetic I am at dancing in comparison to you! Do you enjoy showing me up, Padfoot?" James grinned.

Sirius shrugged casually, removing James's drink from his hands. "I can't help it if my upbringing involved these things, you're just jealous of my stunning performance on the dance floor." He said downing the drink and making James frown.

"Git. I'll show you..." He grabbed Lily and pulled her back into the hall.

Sirius chuckled and leaned against the wall, Remus shook his head slightly. "I'm surprised he hasn't punched you yet, you keep showing off."

"Ah, I'm only messing around with him. Lily's lovely and all, but for Merlin's sake...she's James's wife!" their eyes met and they smiled at exactly the same moment. Remus realised that they were actually happy, it was a shocking revelation but it made him wish it could last forever.

"Alright! Gather together!" The photographer urged them all into the centre of the hall, Sirius stood beside James, Remus at his other side and Peter trying to fade into the background. "That's it! Now...hold still!"

Sirius grinned, a glass in one hand, leaning on James' shoulder who had his arm around Lily. They all smiled as there was a massive puff of smoke and a flash of light. Later Sirius gazed at the photograph, he saw his own image gazing back at him, forever young; their smiles frozen in time, to be preserved and never to change.

That morning Sirius stood on the terrace, gazing across London as the wind swept snow into his face and made him shiver. He could have gone back into the warmth of his flat and curl up beside the fire, but the cold felt good. He was alive. He closed his eyes, tipping his head back and felt every snow flake land on his skin, melting into water. He took a deep breath, the frigid air stinging his lungs and making them catch. He thought of Regulus...lying in some forgotten place, his lifeless eyes gazing up at the grey sky as snow caught in his lashes and he realised that he would never smile again. Sirius opened his eyes again. He could picture his brother so clearly it was painful, and he couldn't stop himself from feeling a terrible guilt when he realised he was still breathing, his heart still thumping in his chest and driving blood through his veins. He was still able to laugh, to cry, to scream and smile...but Regulus never would.

Remus gasped, panting heavily as he ran. He stumbled slightly, clutching his wand and risked glancing back over his shoulder. The streets behind him had been laid to waste, rubble filled the place, he could still hear screams in his head and he had lost James and Sirius. Lily had also disappeared some time ago and it took all his will not to run around blindly shouting their names. Terror froze his heart as he paused, leaning against a wall, gripping his aching chest as he tried to catch his breath. He swallowed hard and lowered his head, trying to divert his mind away from the images...

Screaming Muggles...

Blood everywhere...crimson smeared across walls...flashes of light...shouts for help...

He could see Sirius spinning around, turning to face a group of Death Eaters with that grin on his face, James had run off after Lily while Remus had been chased down. They had all been scattered and he knew that couldn't bode well. He bent double, coughing and choking on the dust in the air. It hurt to breath, the stitch in his side pinching his lungs and he winced slowly lifting his head. "Sirius..." He murmured, feeling dread fill his soul. He didn't know what he would do if he lost any of his friends.

Sirius hid around a corner, eyes closed as he listened to the crunching footsteps of his enemies. He clutched his wand in one shaking hand licking his lips as he risked glancing around the corner, he jerked his head back as the three figures looked up. They had been ambushed again, as they had been coming out of a meeting, there had been an explosion. The street had been filled with Muggles and their terror still rang inside his head. "Shit..." He gasped, wiping sweat from his brow with the back of his hand as he heard them drawing closer. There was nowhere else to run. He stepped around a corner, wand up and ready, his free hand shoving hair from his eyes as he grinned at the three Death Eaters before him. "Here I am, fuckers!" he cried with an insane laugh. "I was wandering when we'd get right down to the good stuff, I was getting bored playing hide and seek...now come on! Give me what you've got!"
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