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"Why Me?"	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 88152 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make no money off this work of extreme insanity.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Love you, woman, you're the best!

Just a reminder of what's on my profile; reviews complaining or whinging about the lack 'o sex in stories will get deleted. If you want a smut-filled romp, you need to find another story to read.

Chapter 15:

Well, That's One Way To Have An Insanity Free Morning--
Looking through the stacks of books on werewolves, Remus kept glancing over the large pile of books that separated him and Severus. Part of that, quite honestly, was self-preservation. As irate as Severus was right now, it was best to keep on his toes though he didn't think the man could do anything to him. Even a night's rest hasn't dulled Severus' ire, so he needed to be wary. Another part was he was concerned about the man. As usual, Severus was consuming his tea. However, for every sip he took, he refilled it with firewhiskey. That didn't point to anything good. Quietly, he asked, “Did you tell Albus just what is going on?” He knew the man had talked to the demented Headmaster that morning to get him out of the castle for the rest of term as there was only so much insanity he could take before he snapped then did something that would get him locked away, a possibility the man was sure was close to happening. That wasn't a situation any of them wanted, so he had gone with the lesser evil there and gotten rid of one of the stressors.
“You're off your nut if you think I'm giving all that up,” Severus sneered, sipping his drink and refilling the cup with more firewhiskey. “I gave him some song and dance about being needed here for various reasons, such as ensuring the house was still standing, something that's actually truthful. I didn't go into the other part. It was enough that I'm out for the last few days of the school year and am 'assigned' to stay here to keep watch on all of you mental cases.”
“Firewhiskey for breakfast isn't good for you,” Remus told him gently, tossing the book he just finished aside.
“It may not be, but it's about the only thing assuring the survival of some the people in this house. Especially you, Lupin,” the Potions Master snarled, taking a bigger drink.
“I just wanted to put that out there,” Remus mentioned, sighing and shaking his head as he couldn't find anything, anywhere, that would negate what his inner wolf had done.
“You can't tell me you aren't wanting to partake as well,” Severus snorted, looking at the man.
Eying the bottle in front of Severus, Remus admitted, “The thought has crossed my mind, repeatedly. However, since that's one of the things that got us into this mess, I'm refraining.”

Processing that, Severus nodded slowly, “Yes, it might be wise for you not to indulge considering what happened last time.” Quietly, he added, “Though it doesn't matter now as the damage is done.”
Looking up when the door opened, Remus smiled at Harry as the young man came in and sat down. “Where's Sirius?” He asked as Harry took his breakfast from an elf.
“He'll be down in a few minutes. He's just finishing his shower. As the great pervert is busy with something or other and Kreacher is with me, I thought it would be safe to come down on my own.” Harry said with a laugh, starting to eat.
Chuckling, Remus nodded, “It should be.”
Eying the titles of the books piled all over, Harry didn't bother to ask what Remus was looking up as he was able to take a good guess about it.
Sighing, Remus pushed the stacks of books aside then sipped at his own tea. “What are your plans today, aside from avoiding Lucius?” He asked Harry, smiling and chuckling a little.
“Gonna try out the pool,” Harry grinned at him. “Sirius and I thought that might be nice. Then we might smack balls around a little. It'll give us something to do.”
“It sounds good,” Remus admitted with a nod. “I might come join you. Have they got everything arranged for Buckbeak?”
“The day after school lets out, when Charlie helps to bring Draco over to stay for the summer, he's going to take Buckbeak back to Hogwarts.” Shrugging, Harry said, “Buckbeak seems happy about that, at least I think he is. You can't tell there.”
“I imagine he is,” Remus said quietly. “He's been cooped up in that room for a long time.”
“I was going to see if we can't bring him outside with us today to get some fresh air. He won't go anywhere, of course, we know that. It'd do him good though. With it cleaned out and expanded, there's plenty of room for him to lounge around,” Harry added, munching on his bacon.
“I'm sure Sirius won't have a problem persuading him to do that,” Remus smiled. “And he'll probably enjoy it as well.”
“Good idea, Mr. Potter,” Severus said, drinking more of his tea flavored firewhiskey. “More protection from perverts.”
“That too,” Harry chuckled, shaking his head. He was about to say more when his head came up and brow furrowed. Hearing Lucius shout to Sirius something about calming down and the sounds of running feet, he sighed then muttered, “Here we go again. I knew the quiet was too good to last. Now what?”
Remus was starting to stand to go see what was going on when Lucius burst into the kitchen. Still barefoot and in his dressing gown, he began to run around the table with Padfoot hot on his heels, snarling and barking loudly. Shaking his head, he watched, sitting back down, wondering what brought this on.
Grabbing his precious bottle of Firewhiskey so it didn't get broken, Severus clutched it to his chest like a teddy bear and locked eyes on the two circling the table at a high rate of speed.
Stuffing his food in his mouth after Kreacher put a ward around him so he didn't get hurt, Harry kept an eye on what was happening, pondering what brought on the new fun run.
Panting heavily, clutching Gred and Forge to his chest, Lucius sputtered, “Black! Calm down, man! They were just playing! Nothing to get irate about!” Circling the table, trying to keep the two ferrets away from the snapping jaws, Lucius panted heavily, looking for some help, but it appeared no one was going to step in this time. Instead, he sputtered when he felt the two ferrets, in an act of self-preservation, squirt out of his arms and then saw them take off in different directions. Panicked, he said, “Just leave them alone! They're terrified and going to hide.”
Watching the two ferrets, Sirius immediately took after one of them, snarling, fully planning to rip the creature to shreds. He was fed up, completely, and it was going to end. Going after the one, he upended the bench Snape and Remus were on, trying to get under it after the one ginger colored menace, sending the two men sprawling.
Panicking more when Black took after Gred, Lucius didn't think, grabbing the man by the tail and yanked him back then shouted, “Gred, Forge, run!”
Looking over his shoulder at Malfoy, Sirius bared his teeth at him, snarling deeply. Alright, he was done!

Seeing the furious look in Black's eyes, Lucius swallowed thickly then backed away, holding his hands in the air after letting loose of the man's tail. “Oh so sorry, Black! I didn't think!” With that, he made sure Gred and Forge got safely away, hiding under something. Then he realized that he had probably stepped over a line of some kind and Black was going to get even. This wasn't good.
Turning and advancing towards Malfoy, fangs bared, Sirius fully planned to have one ferret and insanity free morning. He didn't care what he had to do to get it.
Sputtering, standing, Remus shook his head at the retreating Lucius and said, “That wasn't a wise move, Lucius.”
Snarling, making sure his precious bottle of Firewhiskey was unharmed, Severus stood, looking thunderous. However, from the way Black was advancing on Lucius, he thought this might be worth watching, so he righted the bench and plopped down, taking a long pull from the bottle, not even bothering with a fresh cup of tea to flavor it with.
Stuffing eggs in his mouth, Harry kept an eye on the action, glancing at Kreacher to make sure they both stayed out of the line of fire. He just hoped he got to eat the full meal before there was a chance he was dragged into the middle of whatever was coming.
Shifting back, Sirius leveled his wand at Malfoy and stuck him, spread-eagle, to the wall. Snarling, he shouted, “I've had e-fucking-nough!” Quickly, he summoned both ferrets and pinned them, as they squeaked in a panicked way, right beside the great enabling pervert.
Eyes wide, Harry looked at Sirius, fork stopped halfway to his mouth. Blinking, he cocked his head to one side and grinned a little as he looked at his godfather's arse. Sirius was in nothing but a towel, a very small one that was wrapped around his waist. It covered everything, barely. Not only that, he was soaking wet, with shampoo still in his hair and soap bubbles running down his still wet body. It was a good view he appreciated, that's for sure.
Hand clutching the way too small towel so it didn't fall, wand still leveled on Malfoy, Sirius took a step forward, dark eyes flashing dangerously. “Enough, Malfoy! One morning! That's all I want! One morning of no insanity! And I plan to get it! And they weren't 'playing', Malfoy! They climbed in the fucking shower with me then started batting at dangling bits with paws that have claws on them while I was shampooing my hair. That is not playing! No! No more!” Hearing the man start to sputter, he Silenco'd him then rounded on those at the table. Glowering, teeth bared, he barked, “Snape! You and I are going to make a deal.”
Taking another pull off the bottle, Severus asked, warily, “What kind of deal?” With Black—one never knew so he wasn't agreeing to anything until he found out what it was.
“You're going to ensure I get an insanity and ferret free morning. If you do that, I'll give you something you'll love,” Sirius panted, holding on tightly to his towel.
“And what is it that I'll love?” Severus asked, intrigued, pondering that cup Potter had in his possession.
Looking at Harry, grinning a little at the look of appreciation he was getting from his godson, he chuckled then said, “Harry? Can you have Kreacher go get me a bottle of what I had him find last night and bring it here?”
Knowing what Sirius was talking about, Harry sent Kreacher off. When the elf returned, he took the bottle of Firewhiskey from him and handed it to Sirius then waited.
Taking it and winking at his godson, who grinned at him, Sirius planted the bottle in front of Snape and asked, “Know what that is?” Seeing the man eye it, he pressed on, “One hundred year old Tennessee oak barrel aged Firewhiskey. My father had cases of this stashed around the house so I had Kreacher find them last night. I get one insanity free morning with no perverts pestering us or ferrets driving me nuts and it's all yours.”
Eying the label on the bottle, eyes widening, Severus actually felt himself start to drool. This stuff—it was expensive and hard to get your hands on. Before he could open his mouth and accept, he was beaten to the punch.
“I'll handle it, Sirius,” Remus said quickly, snatching the bottle, wiping the saliva off his chin. He could already taste the aged smoothness as it burned down his throat. Clutching the bottle to his chest, he looked at his friend and grinned, “I promise, you'll have a break until after lunch.”
Looking thunderous, Snape glared at Lupin. “Excuse me? He asked me, not you!” Reaching out, he went to snatch the bottle from the werewolf, but fell sideways on the bench when Lupin stood and backed away. Snarling, he righted himself then went to take off after said werewolf and get that bottle.
“Fine! One each if I get calm until after lunch,” Sirius said, having Harry send Kreacher after another bottle.
Snatching the bottle from the elf, Severus eyed the label hungrily then lifted his eyes and locked them on Lucius. A sadistic smirk crossing his face, he said, smoothly, “Consider this a vacation, Black.”

Grinning, Sirius said, “Keep in mind, I have cases of this stuff stashed where you won't ever find them.” Looking at Lucius, who appeared to be slightly panicked, Sirius reached out and ruffled Harry's hair, grinning down at his godson. “Let me finish my shower and grab something to eat, then we're going to enjoy the backyard while have an insanity free morning to relax.” Seeing Harry nod, he made his way back towards the stairs.
Eyes locked on Sirius' arse as he walked away, Harry went back to eating at a more leisurely pace, chuckling to himself.
Standing by Lupin, eying the furious looking Lucius whose mouth was working but no sounds were coming out of it, Severus said, “I think the first issue is the ferrets, don't you? We need them out of the mix.”
“Very true,” Remus nodded. “They are the worst of the chaos. Let's seal the cages after we put them in and assign an elf to watch them. Then we'll work with Lucius.”
Holding his new-found bounty to his chest, Severus raised his wand and unstuck the ferrets then began to levitate them to the other room. If Black could keep him supplied with this kind of high-quality booze for a while, he was more than willing to be head orderly in the asylum.

Sliding into the hot tub by his godson, Sirius handed Harry a bottle of butterbeer then sipped at his own. Looking over at where a contented Buckbeak was sprawled on the grass, then to where Kreacher was planted in the doorway to ensure they were left alone, he relaxed back and sighed. “Oh, this is good! Quiet and peaceful with no perverts or ferrets. Just perfect.”
“It is,” Harry grinned leaning against Sirius after taking a sip of his butterbeer and sitting the bottle aside. Shutting his eyes, loving the way the hot bubbling water felt, he sighed contentedly. “Alright, I never would have asked for a hot tub or pool normally, but this is great!”
“It is!” Sirius laughed, slouching down in the water. “One of the better things you came up with.” Reaching over, he grabbed Harry's hand then pulled him closer before shifting the younger man around to where he was straddling his lap, facing him. Putting a hand on the back of Harry's head, he kissed him. When he broke it off, he grinned a little and said, lowering his voice, “I saw the look you were giving me in the kitchen.”
Flushing a little, Harry grinned sheepishly, “Yeah, well, you looked good. I admit it.”
“Glad you liked the view,” Sirius said, reaching up to run his fingers through Harry's hair. “I was going to ask if you wanted to join me while I finished my shower, but didn't want to embarrass you.”
“Not sure if I'm ready for that,” Harry admitted, glancing at him.
“I didn't say do anything, Harry,” Sirius told him softly. “Just—I'll wash your back and you wash mine. Then we'll give each other shampoo horns and things like that. Nothing more. Besides, we have the same equipment so nothing's going to shock either one of us.” Lowering his voice, he said, “We can get used to each other this way. Nothing more than that, I promise.” Seeing Harry look at him while he thought it over, he added, grinning, “Besides, if we're in there together, we can keep watch for psychotic devil rodents, perverts and any other insane things that might try to pester us.”

“There is that,” Harry said, looking at him and laughing.
“We'll stick Kreacher at the door to guard it and we'll be good,” Sirius told him with a nod.
“I can see the merits in this,” Harry conceded, smiling.
“So can I,” Sirius told him. Looking at his godson, he added, “I find you just as attractive as you do me, Harry. It's nothing to worry about.” Putting a hand on the back of his godson's head, he pulled Harry into a kiss, holding him close as he did.
Wrapping his arms around Sirius' neck, Harry pressed tightly to him and leaned into the kiss. Already, he could feel his cock start to rise from it. That embarrassed him slightly, but he ignored it.
Letting his tongue slip in Harry's mouth, Sirius held him close, groaning softly as he felt the start of Harry's erection, his own flesh rising from it. This was good and he liked it. It was even better that there was no chance that they would get interrupted like they had been before.
Feeling his cock start to throb madly as the kiss deepened, Harry pulled back, breaking it off, panting heavily. Looking at Sirius he said, “That was bloody amazing!”

“It was,” Sirius grinned, reaching up to run his fingers through the younger man's hair. Though Harry had broken it off, this was good. He wasn't pulling away and the only flush there was from his arousal. Which meant this was a step the right direction. Grinning, he said, “I've got enough booze up there to ensure we get some time each day alone to do something.”
Snickering, Harry asked, “When are you going to tell them that you own the distillery that stuff is made in and can get them as much as they want?” That's something Sirius had filled him in on the night before and he found it hilarious.
“Hmm—at some point I will,” Sirius laughed. “For now, we'll go on like this. It'll give them a bribe to where we get time alone and they'll like it. Now, come here. I like this shite,” he said, pulling Harry back and kissing him again.

Sitting on a chair by Severus in the hall right outside Lucius' door, Remus sipped at the most excellent Firewhiskey and sighed. “Alright, I think we're good until lunch. The charms won't hold the ferrets forever, but we should get by until after the meal. Lucius is locked in with anti-elf warding. Again, that's not a forever thing as he'll figure out how to remove it or one of the elves will. Which means, we just have to guard this door and listen for the alarm on the cages. That should be easy enough.”

“It should,” Severus conceded, sipping at his own high-quality booze. “We need to come up with a better plan than this. It works for today, but we need something better if Black has more of this whiskey and we want to get our hands on it. What that is, though, I don't know. Nothing is going to work forever, we know this.”
“I think, perhaps, we need to work on, first, getting rid of the ferrets in some way, then behavior modification. That may put an end to us getting the Firewhiskey, but it will make our lives easier,” Remus told him, eying the door as Lucius began to pound on it again, demanding to be let out. There was something being said about Sirius excluding him, but Remus ignored that as he had no clue what the man was blathering about.
“There is that line of thinking, yes,” Severus pondered, scratching his chin and looking thoughtful. “It may reduce the need for booze, something that can only help.”
“Oh, I think that we're going to keep right on needing it, Severus,” Remus told him with a flat chuckle, shaking his head. “We now have the problem of You-Know-Who to deal with as well.”
“Yes,” Severus admitted dourly, slouching down. “Which means, we need a reduction in the insanity to cope with that part.”

“And find an escape,” Remus added, sighing.
“I doubt there is one,” Severus sneered. “However, this faction,” he said gesturing to the door, “needs to calm down so we can ponder how to deal with the worse faction.”
“I think that means we need to worry about the ferrets first. They are setting off a nightmare and causing worse havoc than there already was. Perhaps you can talk Lucius into getting rid of them,” Remus suggested. “He might listen to you, Severus.”
“He won't,” Severus snorted, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. “I've seen this before from him and the end result is Draco. Those ferrets are heading down the same road. What he sees as spirited, the rest of us see as unacceptable behavior. And it only gets worse from here on out as he's now attached.”
About to open his mouth and say that it couldn't get much worse, Remus bit his tongue before he invoked that curse on all of them. Sighing, he asked, “Any suggestions on what to do?”
“No,” Severus admitted after thinking it over for a few minutes. “I'm clueless here. Until they do something to Lucius that proves to him what the rest of us know, we're stuck with them as he won't give them up. And how to prove that to him is beyond me. However, on another front, I do think if we can keep him away from Black and Potter then we focus on him alone, we might have a chance at working on insanity reduction. Black and Potter are doing fine on their own. From what I've seen here, Potter doesn't want drawn into it. Black will only aid in the insanity when he's been pushed too far.”
“True,” Remus admitted honestly. Chuckling, he said, leaning back and crossing his legs, “Those ferrets going after my 'dangling bits' would push me there too.”
“It would most of us,” Severus admitted with an amused snort. “So, I think, maybe, if we can try to keep them separated, we might reduce the escalation of the insanity. I'm not hopeful it will kill it, as that bond is going to pull them together, but it might decrease the number of instances.”
Casting a muffling charm on the door as Lucius' shouts grew louder and threats against Sirius more creative, Remus said, “The question comes of how, though. Lucius seems determined to make every small instance of anything into something perverse. The minute he tries with Harry, he then sets Sirius off. Then we get chaos.”
Glowering at the door, Severus thought it over then said, “I say we keep up like we are until Draco gets here. That may stave it off slightly as Lucius isn't apt to do too much with his son around. It won't kill it, but we might be able to keep a closer eye on him. That and Kreacher now protecting Harry. Between the two, if we stay vigilant, we might be able to work with this.”
“This is a good plan. I like it,” Remus admitted with a smile. Quietly, he added, “At least Harry took Kreacher out of the insanity inducing equation. That only helps here.”
“It does and I like it,” Severus said with a firm nod. Sighing, he said, “Between the two of us, we need to come up with something to deal with the Dark Lord, and fast. He's not going to be content to just molest me for long. He wants you. And when he sets his sights there, we both have problems.”
Shuddering at that thought, Remus rubbed a hand over his face and said, “Let me see what I can find on the werewolf claiming bond. Maybe there is something that can make me the alpha in some way. If I do that, we might have a better chance other than running scared and I can dictate what happens when. That might hold off the worst here.”
“Good plan! We do not want him as the dominant, Lupin! You do not know what the man is like and where his tastes run,” Severus snarled, shivering at what he knew. “You're far better for that than he is.”
“Let me see what I can find,” Remus said, standing and looking over his shoulder as he heard the alarm from one of the cages go off. “And we have an attempted breech. Ferret alert!” Making sure the ward on the door was strong, he headed down the stairs at top speed.
` Standing, Severus followed, wand ready, clutching the bottle of Firewhiskey.
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"Why Me?"