Lucky Strike | By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Sirius Views: 76067 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 17 |
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make no money off this strange dance in JK Rowling's world. |
Beta'd by the most amazing Tenchi, who I can't thank enough for all the hard work she does for me!
With help from Lynn who works with me when it comes to flow, continuity and other issues.
Just a reminder of what's on my profile; reviews complaining or whinging about the lack 'o sex in stories will get deleted. If you want a smut-filled romp, you need to find another story to read.
Chapter 14
Watching as Sirius paced back and forth behind where the other two were seated, arms folded over his chest, a worried expression on his face, Healer Stuart signed the last of the documentation for Bugs that would designate him as a Service Animal. Pushing the paper back over to Remus, he said, “The badge is with the paperwork. Just carry the paperwork with you when you go out then make sure the badge is clearly displayed on Bugs' harness and you won't have issues.” Seeing the man take it with a pleased nod, he folded his hands on the desk and looked at the three then asked, “What is it we need to discuss? You said there's something pressing.”
“It's a continuation of what you saw the other day,” Severus sighed, shaking his head.
“It's not improved since then?” Stuart asked, glancing around.
“It's actually gotten worse,” Remus told him softly. “We're really starting to worry. I don't think we've ever seen it this bad before. Oh, we've dealt with such episodes in the past, as you know, but it's not ever been like this.”
“What do you mean by 'bad'?” Stuart asked, just so he could fully understand what they were dealing with.
“He's barely getting any sleep at all. It's maybe an hour at a stretch, if that, before a nightmare wakes him up,” Sirius explained, stopping the pacing and smoothing down his goatee. “We've actually gotten to the point of offering him beer a few times a day in hopes it'll help. It doesn't seem to, though. If he drinks one, he might get a bit more sleep, but not much. As anyone can guess, this isn't helping his temper. Hell, it wouldn't for any of us. And we can't talk him into taking anything to help. Yeah, we all get that he doesn't like to take anything, but we've managed a few times with things like Calming Draughts. Even that we can't get him to take now. He just gets a look on his face and flat out refuses.”
Giving a soft sigh, Stuart nodded, “Understood. The other day he spent more time dozing off than anything else. While I'm not allowed to divulge what we discuss, I can say we didn't talk about much, other than his refusal to talk about what the problem is. He was just so tired that I was getting more temper than anything else.”
“And that's what we're getting as well,” Severus told him gruffly, rubbing a hand over his face. “He doesn't mean to, it's just—he's exhausted. None of us are at our best when we've gotten next to no sleep for about a week.”
“Oh, I agree,” Stuart nodded. “Whatever Harry is dealing with is causing what you see. From what I saw in our session, I don't think he's being foul tempered just to be nasty. He's just tired. And stressed. Combine them both and you have issues.”
“Any idea what else we can do?” Remus asked. Shaking his head, he added, “We're trying everything we can think of. Nothing we've done in the past seems to work this time. At the moment, he's over with Lucius. He's been filled in as to what the issue is and will see if he can talk poor Harry into taking Dreamless Sleep for a couple of nights. That won't fix whatever the problem is, but it may reset the dials a little so he can deal better. Lucius seems like he can manage that better than any of us, so we hope he can do something this time. To do that, he's going to impress upon Harry that what he takes is something Severus will brew personally. We hope that's enough, but doubt it will be. Lucius said he'll try, though.”
“Even a couple of nights of real rest will help,” Stuart said with a nod, though he was sure that they knew that. “Let me ask this; does anyone have any idea what triggered this episode? I do understand that something was probably coming from the amalgamation of problems piling up, but there had to be a specific trigger. If we can pinpoint that, we might be able to devise a plan of attack to deal with the underlying issue.”
“We don't know,” Sirius groaned, shaking his head. “I mean we flat out have no clue. I can pinpoint the first nightmare and when it happened, but what triggered it is something I'm clueless about. In fact, we had a really peaceful day that wasn't at all stressful.”
“What did you do that day? There might be a hint I can find if I know what happened,” Stuart said, looking between the three.
Giving a rundown of the day Hagrid came over, Remus ended with a sigh, “There was nothing at all off. Nothing. In fact, we all seemed to enjoy ourselves. Sirius said he and Harry enjoyed the movie they went to and it wasn't one that would trigger anything. We just don't know!” Exasperated, Remus slumped, shaking his head.
“There doesn't seem like there is anything that happened that all of you haven't done before without issues. Hagrid, if I remember right, is someone Harry actually really likes and wouldn't cause problems. So, I don't know,” Stuart sighed, trying to put together the clues, knowing there had to be a trigger, somewhere.
“Harry responds well to Hagrid,” Severus told him with a firm nod. “I'm sure you know what Hagrid is like. His manner is something Harry's always gravitated to. I don't see that's the issue. The same with anything else that went on. We just don't know, unless it's just what all is coming to pass has finally reached critical mass and is exploding. It's stressful, all of it.”
“That may be as well,” Stuart agreed with a nod, looking around. Quietly, he added, “It may also be something we've talked about before adding to it.”
Seeing questioning looks, he sighed then told them, gently, “At the beginning, when I started working with Harry, one of the first things I explained was that sometimes things get worse, far worse, before they get better. After so much hard work on all your ends, Harry finally has stability and is safe, something he knows. He's responded to that, in more ways than anyone can list. Then he put in place his own way to deal with his issues. Now we may get the 'worse' end because he's in a stable enough place that he's 'safe' and can deal with so much of what he went through. We've all given him the foundation to build on, which means he may be at the point where he can actually deal with some of his worst problems. Somewhere in him, he may finally know it, thus bringing on what we all know has to be there. As all of us have mentioned at one point or another, we know that Harry hasn't talked about some of the worst incidents he went through. We have heard some, such as the shooting and other areas, but we know there is more. The injuries and scarring he has tells us that. Which means he still has plenty he has to deal with. It might be that the time has come.”
“The bit with James and Lily reappearing—I know none of you like it, including Harry. However, I think it's heralded something else. Them turning back up is showing him that everyone is keeping their word to him. With that, he doesn't have to deal with them, plenty are handling the issues and this isn't going to turn his life on its head. Yes, it affects him and he doesn't like it, but he's not being forced to confront or deal with them. Everyone else is handling that end for him. All he has to do is keep on with what he's doing. That's all. Of everything we've worked on to this point, that's probably the biggest confirmation there is to him that nothing is going to put him back in a life he doesn't want. All of you are fulfilling the roles you've promised him from the beginning. For someone like Harry, that has to be the ultimate in safety. And it may be part of what is bringing this on. Oh, I doubt it's all of it, there was a specific trigger somewhere coupled with the stress from various things, but I bet this factors in as well.” Stopping, he waited for questions.
Starting to pace again, Sirius groaned, “We don't need this getting any worse! It's plenty bad as it is!”
“That can't be helped, Sirius,” Stuart told him softly with a shake of his head. “None of us can help Harry fix his problems if we don't know what they are. As Harry won't talk about some of them, they come out in other ways, as you've seen plenty of times. All we can do is continue what we are doing and press on. That and see if we can't talk Harry into taking some potions that will help. I think, until we can finally figure out what's going on this time, we need to focus on that. Yes, it's a touchy topic with him, one he doesn't like, but this time I think we may need to press for it harder than we have in the past. The beer--” sighing, he said, wearily, “I get why it helps. As all of you know, alcohol is a depressant. If taken in small does, it can relax you. That's why Harry drinks from time to time. It helps him by calming him down. With what he's dealing with, I doubt it's helping the underlying issues at all. For now, it's all you have to work with, so I completely understand why it's being offered. However, we need to press for something better and more effective. Also to stave off his drinking from growing worse. I know he's firm in that it won't because he doesn't like to get drunk, but if this goes on too much longer it may look like a good option for him. He may actually be able to sleep if he does, something I bet he longs for at this time. We don't need dependency issues piled on top of what we are already dealing with.”
Groaning and leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees, Severus shook his head. “Unless you have a way to convince him to take something that we haven't tried, I don't see that succeeding. As far as I know, we've done everything we can to explain how potions are different than Muggle pharmaceuticals. It doesn't work. He doesn't see them differently, especially since he's learned that some can be as addictive.”
“You've said before that Lucius can manage when all you can't, haven't you?” Stuart asked, looking around. Seeing nods, he pressed forward. “How about we try a different approach. Let me give you a list of what I think he should take on a regular basis. Then all of you sit down and, with Lucius’ help, go over with Harry just what the potions do, side effects and whatnot to explain to him what they can help with. All of the ones I would give him are not addictive in any way. None of them. Pull out text books if you have to. If it helps, ensure him that Severus will brew them for him and Harry can assist with that task. While brewing, Severus can easily explain what does what and why it has that effect. Plus, how safe they are. That might help. I'm not saying it will work, mind you, but it might get you moving in that direction. Also, all of you keep assuring him none of you would give him something that was addictive or harmful. Then pull out information on just how addictive alcohol is. That might support the case for trying the potions.”
“We'll try,” Remus sighed, though wasn't hopeful about this working. “We thought, maybe, if we could just keep going as we are and get him at least a little sleep, that the day he has surgery might reset the problem slightly. They're going to put him to sleep to remove the scars, something he doesn't have a problem with as that's done with a spell, not potions. At least he would get some rest. That's more than he's getting now.”
“It would and it may help,” Stuart nodded. “However, keep in mind that even if he does get some rest, the problem isn't going away anytime soon. It's just going to delay it fully manifesting and, for lack of a better term, make it fester slightly. The potions will help. As will getting him to talk. The talking is what we need most. We just need some kind of breakthrough or incident to push him to talk to either one of you or myself. Once he starts talking, the other party, or parties, can step in and he'll keep going.”
“Let's see what we can manage. Maybe if we can at least get him to give us some kind of hint as to what this pertains to it can assist in this mess,” Severus told him, shaking his head and looking at the floor.
Looking around and seeing somewhat defeated looks, Stuart shook his head then said, quietly, “Even if he does give hints, I'm not sure how much good it will do us. We may even get the topic that it's about. That won't help either. I think, in this case, whatever hints we get aren't going to stave off the explosion coming. That seems to be set in motion. It'll be just a matter of time before it happens. I say we prepare more for that than anything else. That and minimize the fallout as much as we can. That's where the potions will be beneficial.”
“Understood,” Remus said with a somewhat defeated sigh, shaking his head. “We'll come up with something so we can try to help while preparing for what might be behind this.”
“We don't need this,” Sirius sighed, shaking his head as he paced faster, mind all over the place about what he could do to help Harry.
“Each time something like this happens, Harry gets better, keep that in mind. It's horrible to deal with, no one, including myself, will tell you otherwise, but Harry gets better each time. It's the road to healing. In the case of what he deals with, the more that's out there he can talk about, the better he is. That's what you need to remember. More than anything else.” Quietly, he schooled, lowering his voice and keeping it soothing, “Keep in mind that no matter how rough this gets or what his temper is like while he deals with it, the fact that he lets you see it and feels safe enough around you to let it show is just a confirmation of not only how much he trusts all of you, but how safe he feels with you. He wouldn't do this around anyone he wasn’t comfortable with. That, more than anything, is wonderful and something all of us wondered at first if it would ever happen. And it's about the biggest step we've taken with Harry.”
Looking up, Severus glanced at his husband. Remus was smiling slightly at that, nodding. Thinking it over, he too nodded, realizing the man was right. “Understood,” he imparted firmly. Though he didn't say it, it felt wonderful to hear that and comprehended that the man was right. It was like a confirmation that all they were doing, despite how hard it might be, was working. And that—there was no feeling like it in the world.
“We screwed up,” James muttered softly, shaking his head, looking down at the table. “And I mean really screwed up this time.” They had just gotten an outraged letter from Jamie. If his son knew how to send a Howler, James was sure he would have.
In it were all kinds of accusations about not being told things he and Sarah should have been filled in on before going to school. And his son was right. Bloody hell, they hadn't thought that so many knew the details on some of this, as they weren't exactly sure of the timeline involved and who was where when it happened. It also sure as hell didn't help that Lucius Malfoy's brat was there the night that Harry was rescued, something Jamie pointed out in the letter and that was confirmed by everyone in the bloody castle, including those in his house.
“We did,” Lily sighed, shaking her head as she read through Jamie's letter, a sad look on her face. Glancing up and then around, she asked, keeping her voice down, “Where is Maggie?”
“She's out back playing with Bones,” James told her. “I have an alarm set up so we know when they come in. This is not something I want her to hear about.”
“Good,” Lily nodded, glancing at the letter from Jamie then setting it aside before rereading the one from Sarah again. Putting it down after finishing, hands trembling slightly, she said, “We should have said something to them. I don't mean give them all the details we have, but something to prepare them.”
“No shite,” James said, scrubbing both hands through his hair. “Some of this—hell, we had no idea! Like the fact that Harry is friends with the Malfoy brat. I didn't know that. No one mentioned it to us! And if they are good enough friends that Harry writes and is sending him pictures, you can bet your arse that brat is telling Harry what Jamie is saying about him. From what Sarah said, none of it is good and he's blaming Harry for everything.”
Looking at her husband, Lily shook her head then told him as gently as she could, “And we both know trying to get Jamie to keep a leash on his mouth does no good, James. All he's spouting is what he's heard from us, at least in some way. We never fully filled him in on just what happened. So, he's taking what he does know and going with that. Which means he doesn't have all the facts we do, even the most basic of them.”
Standing up, sending the chair he was sitting in over backwards, James began to pace. Snarling, he muttered, “Fuck!” Shaking his head, he said, “Alright, first things first—we need to tell both of them the basics of what's going on. All there is to it. I'm not sure how much damage is already done there, but we need to stop it, fast. And correct what we can. Which means we need to sit down and figure out how to word the letter, what we should explain, what we shouldn't and all that shite.”
“We should probably wait until Albus comes back to do that. He can help, James,” Lily said though she knew her husband was right. It might be too little, too late, but they needed to do something before their son aggravated an already horrific situation and made it even worse than it already was.
“No,” James snarled, stopping his pacing and looking at his wife. “This time we take it on, alone. They're our kids, Lily. Not his. We need to step up and act like their parents.”
“He's only trying to help,” Lily soothed, knowing where this was coming from. It wasn't that James was mad at Albus, he was just hurt, stressed and generally infuriated over what happened to Harry, not to mention what was going on.
“We've had enough of his help!” James exploded. “He 'helped' us by convincing us to leave Harry behind. The excuse was a good one, we get that. It's only going to help this mess. We were scared, neither of us will deny that, and were looking for the best way to protect all of us. He then 'helped' Sirius to a long prison term. He 'helped' Harry by not doing the basic protections. I think we've had enough help in this direction, dammit! We need to handle the kids. All there is to it. Advice is fine. We can work with that, but we are doing this ourselves for once. We're their parents and need to act like it!”
Looking at her husband, Lily sighed and nodded. “We'll manage.” James would get over blaming Albus, she knew that since she had seen this from him before. When James was hurt, he would lash out. Albus had been the target more than once in the past. That was something Albus accepted and understood. After a time, James would calm down and they would press on.
Quietly, she shifted the discussion and said, “I think we need to start out by saying that Jamie needs to stop blaming his brother. If he keeps it up, from what Sarah said in her letter, plenty are going to get angrier with him. She said that even their house is fed up with him taking after Harry, especially since he doesn't have the most basic facts about what went on. That's making him sound like he's lying. We can't let that go on.”
“We'll start there,” James said, arms folded over his chest, looking down. “We've talk a bit about it, but not much. That is where we need to tell him the facts, at least the basic ones, and press on.”
“Calling Harry a brat for so much won't help, James,” Lily prodded gently. “He needs to know that. And to stop blaming him. I don't think Jamie realizes he's blaming the biggest victim in this mess for something. We need to explain that to him.”
“Yeah, we do,” James sighed. Picking his chair up, he flopped back down and shook his head. “Where do we even start with this mess? And how do we go about it without giving details they don't need. The donkey bit—yeah, they didn't need to know that. If the Malfoy brat was around that night and heard some of the details we did, you can damned well bet that Jamie is going to end up with an ear full of something we don't want to have to explain to him.”
“I also think we need to make it clear that Harry has every right in this world to be as mad at us as he is. We don't like it, I know that, but it's there,” Lily coaxed softly, knowing that was bound to be a tetchy subject with James.
Scrubbing his hand through his hair, James just nodded, saying nothing. He didn't want to admit to himself that Harry had the right to feel that way, but his son did. And he couldn't blame him. After a couple of minutes, he sighed then said, softly, “Let's make a list of what they mentioned then list what we think needs covered before going from there. I'll let you do the composing as you're probably better at getting some of this across gently than I am. Some of this—yeah, it's touchy as hell to start with and I don't have the first clue about how to get it across without getting graphic or traumatizing them.”
“I don't think there's a way to get it across without traumatizing them in some way,” Lily sighed, shaking her head as she summoned some parchment and began on the list. “Even just mentioning some of the topics will be plenty traumatizing. I'd rather they hear it from us, though, than someone in that school taking it in their head to give them graphic details when Jamie irritates someone with some of his—well, you know.”
“Yeah, I do,” James snorted, groaning. His son was too much like himself in some ways. Most times he was proud of that, but when it came to areas like this it was hell to work with. Quietly, he added, “I never thought I would have to explain how some people in this world are this perverted to my kids while they are still in school.”
“Neither did I,” Lily told him softly, chest aching for not only Harry but how she was about to end the innocence of two of her other children in some ways. “We'll manage. It'll just take some time and effort, nothing more.”
“That and making Jamie listen,” James sighed, muttering that softly. “Alright, where do we start?”
“I say we give them a basic timeline of what happened when, then go from there, making sure to answer their questions while we do.” Though this wasn't how she wanted to explain it, she would. She just hoped that both her children fully read what she had to say without jumping to conclusions. Though part of her wanted to ask Jamie if he could get his hands on some of the pictures of Harry that Draco Malfoy had, she decided that was a bad idea. She would get her hands on a few at some point, she just didn't know how.
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